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Avoidance, a term that’s defined by the act of staying away from people, places, or things that cause discomfort.
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The orphanage looked exactly liked he left it, dark, dull and bleak. The gate opened with a loud creak, revealing the orphanage brick covered walls, Atsushi felt a chill down his spine. His mind became hazy, his body begins to move on auto pilot. He didn’t want to comprehend the situation ahead of him, the day he was kicked out the orphanage was supposed to be his last day stepping foot into this prison.
Atsushi felt the shackles return to his neck, the chain that was used to confine him to the dark orphanage floor regain its power against him. The further he walked, the greater the feeling hit him. They were cold, familiar and dreadful. Emotions that he long suppressed begin invading his senses like the smell and sounds of Yokohama. Loud and unforgiving in his ears. Nervously, Atsushi follows his superiors, Dazai and Kunikida, down the pathway to the gilded doors.
His hands felt heavy and his feet felt restricted, his mind was moving too slow and quick at the same time. Inside that orphanage, all masked his previous struggles was masked. Alongside the corruption and abuse he, and many others face daily. On the outside, the institution appeared to be a beacon of hope, a residential institution whose staff were kind, compassionate souls. Who helped the innocent and nurtured children into responsible adults. It was all so so wrong.
Atsushi hands begins to twitch and he balls it into a fist. He just has to get through this, get his birth certificates and leave to never return again. It’s a shame really, that nothing ever goes as planned.
”Atsushi?” The boy in question snaps his head at the man calling him, the man, Kunikida looks nervous. As if he doesn’t know what to say. “We'll be in and out, if it gets too bad, don’t hesitate to step out.” Kunikida, who prioritized efficiency and organization said. The same man who would rather go blind than not follow a path of scheduled events. Atsushi almost tears up by the remark, he opted to nod his head in response. Not trusting his voice to not crack.
Atsushi is behind the two detectives when the door opens. A voice he faintly recognize began to speak, “Good evening, Kunikida Doppo and Dazai Osamu?” The woman asks, she has a checklist in her hands. And is currently reading off the appointment time: 5pm. “Correct,” Kunikida say’s blandly, the woman nods and motions them to follow her inside.
As soon as Atsushi steps foot in the building, his senses was overflowed by smell of blood dried and chemicals, he began to turn around, his body and brain wanted nothing more than to leave. It was too overwhelming, too distant, too close. But a hand on his shoulder stops him.
”Atsushi,” Dazai looks at his poorly concealment of fear and narrows his eyes, “Don’t worry.” The man says bringing his hand to ruffle Atsushi’s hair. It was meant to soothe him, he knows that, but his mind was on the defensive, the tiger roared beneath his skin, urging him to fight or flight. The tiger bared her teeth, standing tense, ready and willing to ensure his survival.
Suddenly Dazai pushes Atsushi's trembling body behind him; the touch allowed No Longer Human to activate, pushing the tiger's hostility and aggression to a fleeting feeling. “Stay behind me.I and Kunikida will handle this.” It was said in his usual tone, but Atsushi could hear the undying truth slipping through his statement. Atsushi nods his head and tenses his body, trying his hardest to look smaller, to avoid being seen.
In front of them, Kunikida is talking to the woman from earlier. He pulls out the detective agency’s badge and began to speak, “To work at the armed detective agency, the government requires identification or the very least a background check.” The woman nods her head but looks at the blonde confused.
“Yes, but how does the relate to your visit?” Kunikida places the badge back into his pocket and looks the lady down, “Atsushi Nakajima, he currently works at the armed detective agency. We have no records of his birth nor any valid identification.” The woman eye widens.
”Atsushi Nakajima?” She repeats louder and more frantic. Kunikida observes how her whole mood changes at the mention of the tiger. “He works at the agency?” Her brows furrowed and her face is covered in nervousness. Kunikida nods his head, “We require his birth certificate or a valid identification card.” The woman looks around the room, her actions are clearly distraught. “But sir, to have a birth certificate printed out, the person of the certificate must be present.” The lady stutters out, looking anywhere but Kunikida eyes.
At this, Dazai finally steps in. “You see, Atsushi is here,” he moves a bit to show Atsushi presence, making the lady speechless. “But we would like to minimize his involvement, his decision of course.” Dazai voice carried its usual tone, carefree and friendly. As he spoke to the woman, he subtlety reverted back to his previous position and wore a neutral expression, eyes barring into the woman’s skull, awaiting her response.
The woman stands there, sweat appearing on her forehead, a look of pure horror on her face before she shakes her hand aggressively. “Yes sir, I’ll get the headmaster immediately!” She stammers out, leaving as fast as the words that left her mouth.
Dazai motions for Atsushi to follow him, and he complies, going against the very fiber of his being. Every step feels like a dream; it had to be a dream. Atsushi couldn’t find any other explanation as to why he would willingly face his abuser. But when he pinched his arm and felt pain, everything became clear. Atsushi wasn’t dreaming; this was reality. Cold cruel reality.
Atsushi bumps into Dazai back when the man stops walking. Too out of focus to even contemplate apologizing. Out of the corner of his eyes he sees Kunikida coming near him, the man stops in front of him and places a hand on Atsushi’s shoulder in a comforting manner. It makes Atsushi heart squeeze. But before either of the two could say anything, Atsushi felt it.
The cold, cold presence of the headmaster that chilled his body more than any day spent on the freezing, hard floor of the orphanage basement. Shackled, chained, wishing nothing more than to understand why everyone treats him as if he’s a beast. Caging up him out of fear, of hatred at his very own existence.
Hesitantly, Atsushi looks up, not to observe the situation but to have an image of everyone’s placement. It was an accident that he locked eyes with the headmaster eyes. The very same dark brown eyes that gaze at him darkly, out of disgust. As if he was the spawn of Satan, a true undeniable monster. Atsushi body begins to shake, his breathing became more rigid. His body was frozen, yet he could feel everything.
He hears the headmaster voice, speaking to Kunikida. He tried, he really did, but he couldn’t handle seeing him again. The headmaster talked to Kunikida as if he was his pride and joy. Not a child he tortured him daily, he wore a sickly sweet smile and an expression of a saint. A cross hanged on his neck, symbolizing God's forgiveness, and humanity's salvation from sin. But the man before him could never be called a Christian. He himself committed the five sins, without blinking an eye.
When he hears his name come from that man’s mouth he couldn’t take it anymore. Atsushi bolted out of the orphanage, ignoring the calling of his name from his superiors mouth.
He didn’t know where he was going but he needed to be away from that hellhole. Atsushi walked and ran until he ended up in an empty alleyway, he was so tried and out of it he disregard the place of his attendance. Atsushi eyes caught the sight of a dumpster and immediately sat behind it. His body felt tense, his hands, legs, everything felt too much.
His chest began to rise and fall at a rapid pace. His breathing came out in little bursts of panic. Atsushi moved his leges to his chest and hid his face on them. Trying to give himself some type of comfort or grounding.
It wasn’t working
His breathing seemed like it picked up even more and the ringing in his ears sounded more pronounced. Atsushi began pulling at his own hair, frantically. Wanting to silence everything: his thoughts, the headmaster voice, him. It was all to much.
He didn’t hear the shuffle of footsteps coming near him, he didn’t hear the coughing fit the person in front of him was making and he definitely didn’t comprehend his body loosing consciousness. Slowly but surely the exhaustion and mental fatigue took a toll on his body, causing his eyes to shut in a sudden slumber.
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Atsushi woke up to a throbbing headache, on instinct he reached out to his forehead but ceased the motion at the realization of his current condition. His hands were sweaty and shaking, and the memories from earlier began to sweep his mind. The headmaster now knows where he works, he could—
Atsushi breathing picks up and he shoots up from his position on a couch? His head is spinning, he doesn’t remember how he ended up here, where is here? He looks around frantically and notices an oddly familiar pair of shoes at the door and the view of Yokohama’s port from the window in front of him. He never set foot in this house but something about it seems almost customary.
”Were-tiger” a voice spoke from behind, making Atsushi jump up from the couch. “Akutagawa?” He says as he looks at the man with squinting eyes, completely oblivious. Atsushi plops back on the couch, deciding his legs and mind can’t handle the strain of what’s happening.
His head felt fuzzy and his brain is falling to catch up to his thoughts. “What happened?” Atsushi asks, he doesn’t recall seeing Akutagawa or even falling asleep, So how did he end up at the Mafioso house? All he remembers is running, running, running and running—
“I was hoping you would answer that question.” Atsushi blinks, “Huh?” Akutagawa face flickers with annoyance. “I found you, passed out on Port mafia territory.” Oh, Atsushi thinks, but that doesn’t bring light to the elephant in the room. Why would Akutagawa; the mad dog of the mafia, gracefully take him to his house of all places.
“Wipe that expression off your face, I only brought you here to avoid someone killing you before I do.” Akutagawa all but barks out, Atsushi notices the discarded blanket on the floor and mumbles “Right.”
Atsushi could never put together the ideals that make up Akutagawa Ryuunosuke, but he would like to think the man has a slither amount of trust in his character. “Answer me, why were you in port mafia territory?” Akutagawa barks out, now directing in front of him, staring him down. Atsushi avoids his gaze and begins fumbling with his hands.
“I wasn’t trying anything if that’s what you think. I just—“ Atsushi didn’t know how to finish the sentence. He didn’t want to explain what happened or even think about it, he slumped his head low and whispers, “ something happened and I wanted to get away.” Akutagawa doesn’t say anything, and began to walk away.
Atsushi starts to think he did something wrong but before he could dwindle down that thought process a cup of tea was place in front of him. “Drink” Akutagawa orders him, it smelt like green tea. Silently Atsushi picks up the cup and brings it to his lips. Immediately his expression changed into one of shock, the tea was excessively sweet. “What? Not to your poor standards.” Akutagawa mocks, placing his own cup of tea down.
Atsushi shakes his head, “it’s not that, I actually prefer my tea to be as sweet as possible.” Atsushi mumbles. He took another sip of the tea, the flavor reminding him of all he couldn’t have. It left a bittersweet taste on his tongue.
”Figs” Atsushi blinks, “ I prefer to have tea with figs.” Akutagawa says, and it almost makes Atsushi chuckles. “That makes sense,” Akutagawa looks dumbfounded by his comment. “Figs are very unique in flavor, and everything about you screams unique.” Atsushi rambles on, he notices Akutagawa brow raise and immediately brings up his hands in protest.
“That doesn’t make sense does it? I didn’t mean it as an insult.” Atsushi blurts out, attempting to not make the man feel personally attacked in his own home. Right now, Atsushi could barley keep the cup from shaking in his grasp, a fight would lead to disaster.
“You’re strange, Weretiger.” Akutagawa says with an exasperated expression. Atsushi doesn’t say anything after that, he settled on the feeling of the weirdly warm atmosphere in front of him. It was odd but comfortable, for a moment his previous troubles disappeared and was placed in the back of his mind. The warmth of the tea cup was a hot reminder that he was okay. He had a family, people who cared about him, everything he thought he could never have. Yes, this was nice indeed.