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Shen Qingqiu was a patient man. He had long perfected a skill of unmatched restraint, where he would slowly creep up on his foolish victims and stab them from the back at an ideal moment. His Shizun had chosen him as his successor for a reason. His mind was one of a prodigy strategist, who could easily see multiple steps ahead, perfectly plan the actions of his enemies, and come up with countermeasures which would silence them once and for all. Shen Qingqiu was always able to get out of situations with more than a mere victory; extracting and draining his victims dry until they had nothing left — none of their pride, status or power.
And yet, even a great man like himself couldn’t figure out the ultimate way of raising children.
He never had a mother or a father to love him. Once, an unwanted rat Xiao Jiu had an older brother, but that bastard betrayed him for coin and legacy. The man — who today called himself Yue Qingyuan — was nobody but a stranger.
Shen Qingqiu did not know how to love. He did not know how to comfort. He did not know how to teach.
Children were parasitic little creatures. They latched on their guardians, drained, and demanded for more. Never satiated. Be it for food, affection or protection. Shen Qingqiu for many, many years tried to figure out the best approach. Too much leniency and kindness led towards the breeding of naive idiots. Too much stick without a carrot corrupted minds with poisonous resentment. Finding balance was hard. Getting attached, meant that punishment would shatter built bonds. Keeping distance, led to cold indifference and detachment. Shen Qingqiu went through phases of knowing all of his disciples by face, name, and quirks — to not seeing them for years whenever he’d go into seclusion.
None of it was ideal. But for decades, he made it work. His other martial brothers and sisters didn’t fare any better; with Liu Qingge continuously stalking off on missions for months at a time, and Yue Qingyuan never even seeing any of his disciples unless a Hall Master requested his presence during a lecture or two for the sake of appearances.
Shen Qingqiu did not care.
He did not care, until he did.
It all started with the arrival of Ming Fan on his peak. An otherwise meek, grey mouse of a boy at whom Shen Qingqiu would have never glanced twice; had proven his wit by defeating a group of bandits at an age of nine through tricks and deception. The only weapon Ming Fan used that night was a small — sharpened — boulder hidden in his sleeve, and he landed that strike perfectly at the back of the man’s head; blinding and disorienting him on the spot. Then, before anyone else could respond, the poison mixed in their booze had already settled in and it was too late for them to react.
Shen Qingqiu that day promoted Ming Fan to his Head Disciple, and never regretted his decision. The boy was cruel, but fierce. Intelligent as a fox. But most importantly? Loyal to Shen Qingqiu down to his core.
Then, he brought a little girl to his peak — Ning Yingying. Right after Shen Qingqiu had managed to track down his blood-sister whom he had lost when she was a mere babe; a man with possessive love snapped her neck after learning that she bore a child from another. It took a single look for Shen Qingqiu to see his sister in Ning Yingying. He never got to see his meimei grow up. So maybe.. He could right this one wrong of the world. Take care of her daughter as if she were his own.
And so, Shen Qingqiu did not argue when Ning Yingying had asked for a shidi. He indulged her. He brought her with him to the Disciple Selection Ceremony, and the two of them watched as little boys and girls dug holes in the ground. Some, were desperate. Smearing mud and dirt all around, dirty little rascals. Others, came with an advantage. They would use shovels or low-level qi techniques to do the job for them. However, what instantly caught Shen Qingqiu’s attention was a pair of boys who were digging together. Their faces were stretched with those same naive smiles which he loathed, as they chatted with each other, uncaring towards the world around them.
“Shizun, I want those two!” Ning Yingying had pointed her finger, and before he could tell her off, Liu Qingge had grunted by his side.
“The one on the left has a good built. We will take him for Bai Zhan.”
Shen Qingqiu narrowed his eyes. He could see that the boy with curly hair had more potential. His back was held in perfect posture, and even from a distance, Shen Qingqiu could feel the influx of power the boy held. Natural talent. The one he was born with as well, until it was crushed and crippled.
And today, he was known as the weakest of twelve.
“Shizuuun!” Ning Yinying whined into his ear, and Shen Qingqiu mindlessly snapped his fan – very lightly — against her head to make her stop. She yelped, and rubbed at her scalp, but her grin only got wider. She knew that she won.
She could see right through him.
But he could also see right through her.
“We don’t need brutish creatures. Get the one on the right.” Ning Yingying pouted at his response, but nodded in agreement, and rushed down the hill to obey.
Shen Qingqiu lazily fanned himself as he watched the boy walk up the hill towards him. Now that he was separated from his friend, he appeared smaller, skinnier — pathetic. But his eyes. Oh, those eyes. Aren’t they familiar? Full of determination and defiance. Something stirred within Shen Qingqiu. It has been a long time since someone was able to stare down at him from below.
“You’ve been chosen for Qing Jing Peak. This master is Shen Qingqiu, the Xiu Ya sword. Do you accept discipleship under my name?”
The boy considered him, and Shen Qingqiu had almost readied himself for a rejection. After all, he was aware of his foul reputation. The rumors of his wicked nature have reached far and wide; escaping the parameters of jianghu and leaking into the ears of the common folk.
And yet, the boy straightened up and bowed, “Thanking Peak Lord Shen for choosing this lowly one. This one graciously accepts tutorship and hopes to make Peak Lord Shen proud.”
Shen Qingqiu quirked a brow, “Your name, boy.”
“Shen Yuan.”
Shen Yuan — a boy who looked exactly like Shen Qingqiu’s sister. Identical to Ning Yingying. A boy with Shen Qingqiu’s forest green eyes.
Shen Yuan was a talented youth. He had a quick mind and astounding memory. The boy was a sponge who soaked up every lesson starting from first attempt. Through the years, he had never written a bad essay. He had never failed a class. His drawings were always unique, his brush strokes perfect, his swordsmanship idealized.
But Shen Yuan would never be Shen Qingqiu’s Head Disciple.
His heart was kind and loving. It loved the rising sun of the morning and the glistering moon in the night. It loved the chirping of the birds in the spring and the fall of the leaves in autumn. It loved the sound of music and beauty of dance. It loved those who did not deserve it, and those who took it for granted.
Shen Yuan had a magnetic effect on those around him. Charming thousands of hearts — both young and old — and the more he grew; the more refined and alluring his features bloomed. A pure enigma who was coveted by many. A flower in the field of buzzing bees, aching for a taste.
Those who rise so high, always fall the lowest.
Shen Qingqiu watched his disciple, watched him twirl around that beastly Luo Binghe, watched him sneak out with Ning Yingying, watched him help Ming Fan with the paperwork, watched, and watched, and watched..
Waiting for disaster to strike.
People of Shen Yuan’s character were always a lesson. Either to themselves or to those around them. A harsh reminder of the cruelty of this world. That nothing would ever be perfect. That a disaster must happen. Such was the rule of life — Will of the Heavens.
And then..
During Immortal Alliance Conference the demons invaded.
Shen Qingqiu knew that day was going to change everything, but he would have never anticipated the upcoming scale of the disaster. As he ran past the fields and through the forest, he kept waiting for the vision to appear before his eyes. Of Shen Yuan — his pride and jade — mauled by the monsters, bleeding out, and helpless. Instead, he stumbled onto something even his most vivid nightmares couldn’t conjure together.
Luo Binghe was crouched in an agonized scream with a mark of sin glowing on his forehead, and Shen Yuan kneeling by his side, transferring him endless streams of qi. Shen Yuan was pale and shaking, he had clearly depleted his core to its last reserves, but that greedy creature kept on taking from him. Never full. Never enough. Always sniffing and crowding Shen Yuan as if the boy was his possession.
Now, it all made sense. The beast had been an animal all along. A demon.
Slowly, Shen Qingqiu unsheathed Xiu Ya — the blade sang with him in agreement.
But his heart trembled. Shen Yuan’s face was caked in crimson (is that blood yours? or have you finally taken another’s soul?), and the streams of tears were pouring like rivers.
“Shizun..” Shen Yuan sobbed. He was panting. “Shizun, please..”
He begged.
Shen Yuan, in all years that he had known the boy, had never begged for anything. He always got things through hard work or fair trade. Was always honest in his transactions; refusing to owe anyone favors. And yet – with his heart so full of love — he gave away anything and everything to others.
“Shen Yuan.” Shen Qingqiu breathed out. Xiu Ya hummed in his veins; nudging him to do the right thing, “Step aside.”
A complete change occurred in that moment. The boy’s eyes went wide with horror, he hugged Luo Binghe close; pressing the beast’s face into the crook of his neck. They were always too close to Shen Qingqiu’s liking. Tactile and touchy. Holding onto each other as if they were intertwined with a red string. Not even being on separate peaks had helped to create a gap. No.. These two were always stubborn.
“Shizun, no! NO!” Shen Yuan’s shout was full of desperation. He shielded the monster with his own body; ready to take the blow in his stead, “He’s the same Luo Binghe! You can’t kill him!”
“Shen Yuan.” Shen Qingqiu watched. He appeared strong. His face was indifferent. But his insides were twisting from inside-out.
Soon, other cultivators will come. They will execute Luo Binghe for his nature, and alongside him.. Shen Yuan would lose his head too. Or they would be more cruel. Shatter his core and hang up his body for days on a public platform, so that people could throw rocks and vegetables until nothing but a deformed corpse remained.
Shen Yuan — his pride and jade.
A son of his sister.
A brother of Ning Yingying.
He had to protect this child from his loving heart.
Luo Binghe fell into the Abyss.
Taking Shen Yuan’s heart with him.
Leaving an empty shell behind.
For months after the Immortal Alliance Conference, Shen Yuan remained bed-bound. He kept losing weight, and with each pound gone, Shen Qingqiu watched his disciple fade away before his eyes. He took up less space. He was more quiet. He was less present. None of the food stayed down, always ending up as a pile of vomit across the floor or his sheets. He barely spoke, only answering to Ming Fan and Ning Yingying. He completely abandoned his studies. Not even books could grab his interest. Instead, the boy stared at the wall as if it had all the answers in the world.
When Shen Yuan had agreed to paint for the first time in weeks, Shen Qingqiu cursed himself front to back. Out of all things to paint, it had to be Luo Binghe’s face, down to the most precise detail. Every lock of hair, the boy’s charming greasy smile, his favored Bai Zhan robes. Shen Yuan — froze up and stared — until his walls crumbled and he burst into tears. He wailed like a wounded animal. He howled and clutched at his chest; hiccuping, sobbing, losing breath, shuddering. In a moment of desperation, he had even thrown himself against Shen Qingqiu; seeking comfort.
Hesitantly, Shen Qingqiu wrapped his arms around the trembling form, feeling the dip of each rib against his fingers.
He thanked himself in the moment for not being the one to toss Luo Binghe into the Abyss. Otherwise, Shen Yuan would have never looked at him the same. Would have never trusted himself to crumble down before his wrenched Shizun.
“..like this.” Shen Yuan whispered something under his breath.
Shen Qingqiu pulled away and grabbed his shoulders, “What did you say?”
“I can’t live like this.” Shen Yuan repeated — his eyes dull and dead. There was no light, no sparkle, no hope. Those forests green eyes were losing color with each breath Shen Yuan took, “I want to die.”
Shen Qingqiu’s heart seized with horror, and before he could even process what was happening; he hugged the child close, almost crushing him in his embrace. Suddenly, he was all too afraid of Shen Yuan slipping through the cracks and going far away where he couldn’t be followed. Leaving him behind. Just like Qi-ge. Just like his sister.
“Shen Yuan, do not speak nonsense.” He snapped, but his voice didn’t come out as it was intended. Instead, it shook with fear. A mask which he had worn for years was starting to crack, “You will get through this. You will live.”
“I can’t, Shizun.” Shen Yuan spoke back in a monotone voice. His gaze lost in a faraway distance, “I can’t live in the world without Binghe.”
He said that like it was a simple truth. That there could be no Shen Yuan without Luo Binghe.
Shen Qingqiu refused to hear any more. He scooped up the child — he was so small, so small, so small — and ran to Qian Cao Peak. Shen Yuan’s heart was broken, but surely, there was a way to fix this? (Shen Qingqiu knew that he was lying to himself. Wounds that deep never healed. They festered, rotted, and scarred).
He didn’t notice himself pushing through the hallways of the Healing Pavilion like a mad man. The disciples got out of his way, all giving him curious looks and gaping at him like clueless ducklings. If he had the time, he would have lashed them for their ogling stares. Shen Yuan in his arms had weighted nothing, had made no sound, had not moved.
Fading away.
Shen Yuan was fading away.
“Qingfang.” Shen Qingqiu had burst into the room. Mu Qingfang looked up from his papers startled whilst quickly assessing the situation with a clinical eye. He must have been scanning for injuries, blood, or poison.
Shen Qingqiu never begged. But that day, with a child in his arms, he got down on his knees with his head hung as low as it could go. His hair fell around him like curtains, enveloping his form in a shadow of a shield.
“Shen-shixiong!” Mu Qingfang exclaimed; shocked and already rushing to get them back up on their feet, but Shen Qingqiu was an unmovable force.
“Mu Qingfang.” He repeated again, and when their eyes locked, the healer was stumped into silence, “Save my disciple.“ He pleaded. “Save him. I’m losing him.” Save my child. Save my Shen Yuan.
“Shen-shixiong..” Mu Qingfang whispered, but his expression quickly hardened. He grasped Shen Yuan’s wrist. The boy didn’t even register what was going on around him and let himself be manhandled like a toy, “He is qi deviating.”
Shen Qingqiu set Shen Yuan down and watched as Mu Qingfang carefully cleared out his disciple’s meridians. The man worked for a long time, pointing out countless blockages and freshly-formed wounds. There is severe damage in a dentian around the heart, he had said, as he tried to smooth it out and ease the pain. Shen Yuan gasped; biting down on his lower lip, but did not fight.
“The heart demons are severe, Shen-shixiong..” Mu Qingfang seemed like he was about to say more, but held back.
“Shen Yuan will live.” Shen Qingqiu refused to bend. He would stop at nothing. He would force Shen Yuan to keep eating, drinking, breathing. He’d restart his heart and go into the Underworld to fetch his soul if needed be.
Shen Yuan will live.
For as long as Shen Qingqiu willed it.
Shen Yuan was moved into the side room of the Bamboo House. Ming Fan did not complain, although rightfully, the place was his as the Head Disciple. He knew that his position was not under any threat, so instead, he helped his Shizun as much as he could in caring for his shidi. He brought rags and clean water. He rinsed the dishes after Shen Qingqiu’s unsuccessful attempts in feeding Shen Yuan. And he never, ever, complained.
“He’s not eating.” Shen Qingqiu stressed to Mu Qingfang, who had just finished a weekly check-up.
“I’ve tasked Liu-shixiong with gathering Mount-Tiger’s bones. When grounded into powder, they can be added to water, and make it nourishing.”
It wasn’t enough. Shen Yuan needed to eat.
But something was better than nothing.
Even after the new medicine was made, Shen Yuan’s state did not get any better. His previously thick, shining locks have thinned. At times, Shen Qingqiu would spot clumps of hair knots lying on the floor and would silently clean them away with a talisman. Shen Yuan’s nails became brittle. He had developed a new habit of chewing them off, until his cuticles became unshaped and unsightly. Shen Qingqiu said nothing, until one day he sat down by Shen Yuan’s bed and gently wrapped the boy’s fingers with silken strings; ignoring the crimson spotting against the snow white fabric.
Shen Yuan had to be coaxed into walking, but Shen Qingqiu did not give up. Did not abandon him. Every morning, he began going through a routine of dressing the child, doing the child’s hair, feeding the child Mount-Tiger’s elixir, and then holding him by the elbow as he forced him on a quick walk outside.
Shen Yuan who used to beam with energy would now get tired after minutes of walking uphill. To the man’s horror, they had to keep sitting down on the benches, and taking short breaks. A boy who used to gaze up at the sun with a smile, who used to be fascinated with corn-snakes hidden between the weeds, who used to run up and greet every shixiong and shijie he’d run across was now staring down at his palms folded on his lap.
“Today is a nice day.” Shen Qingqiu found himself saying. Making small talk was never his strength, but he sensed that both him and the boy needed it. To listen to something that weren’t their thoughts, “The breeze is refreshing.”
Shen Yuan looked up at him whilst acknowledging his presence, but did not respond. As if his own voice had failed him.
“Shen Yuan.” Shen Qingqiu observed the youth with the same intensity as always, like he was trying to peel back all the layers and gaze upon the shape of the soul itself, “You will get better.” Shen Yuan slowly blinked up at him, “Do you understand?”
After that day, things got harder.
Shen Yuan began to have nightmares.
Shen Qingqiu did not have to be a genius to figure out what they were about. Multiple times in a row, Shen Yuan would wake in half a scream, reaching out his hand, begging for ‘Binghe’ to not leave him behind. Each time Shen Yuan had that dream, he would break down further. Shen Qingqiu had to quickly pry off the boy’s hands from his own scalp in fear that the youth would tear his own head off.
Worried sick, he held the child close, having long stopped feeling repulsed by Shen Yuan’s presence and touch. It was the opposite, he was hoping to somehow cage the boy down, to stop him from going further into himself, and drowning in this wallowing theatre of pity.
On some days, Shen Qingqiu would feel callous. Mu Qinfang had told him it was frustration. Watching those who we love destroy themselves was a trial worse than torture. Saving those who did not wish to be saved was a thankless job.
Shen Qingqiu refused to give up.
He swallowed down all the word-vomit that was threatening to spill over, and forced himself to be someone softer. Someone who he hadn’t been since Qi-ge had left him.
He stopped attending Peak Lord meetings unless they spoke of an emergency. He made a request for the paperwork to be sent over to the Bamboo House or forwarded straight to Ming Fan. If there was a mission, Liu Qingge or Mu Qingfang without asking would take it in his stead. Strangely, this situation had brought the three of them closer, although he wished the circumstances were better.
And then, Yue Qingyuan came over.
“Zhangmen-shixiong. This master is rather busy.” He had tried to courteously push the other away, but the Sect Leader’s determination was boundless when the matter was about annoying Shen Qingqiu into an early grave.
“Shen-shidi has stopped teaching classes and attending monthly meetings. As the Sect Leader, I am under obligation to ensure that everything is alright.”
Shen Qingqiu gritted his teeth.
Nothing was alright, for fucks sake. He had a dying child living in his house, who Shen Qingqiu did not know how to fix, because his entire life he learned how to steal lives — not how to heal them. So forgive him for not being there to listen to Qi Qingqi being her usual bitchy self and to Shang Qinghua making an idiot out of himself!
“This one is well, however, there are circumstances that have him timely undisposed.” Shen Qingqiu had once more tried to shut the door, but Yue Qingyuan set his foot down.
“Shen-shidi.”
The two of them stared each other down. There was clear worry in the other man’s face. Somewhere deep within those eyes, Shen Qingqiu could also see pity. Ha! How dare this man! This pathetic excuse of—!
“Fine.” He stepped aside, letting the other in.
Yue Qingyuan carefully walked through the entryway of the Bamboo House, already knowing his way towards the main table. Shen Qingqiu subconsciously brewed the set which he knew was the Sect Leader’s favorite. He hated himself for it just a bit more. The two of them waited in silence as the leaves extracted their flavors into the water; slowly coloring the tea with the shade of ocean-blue.
“Speak.”
Neither of them reached for their cups. After all, this was not a social visit. A confrontation? An intervention? How absurd.
“Shidi, this can’t go on.” Yue Qingyuan settled on those words. Rage bubbled up in Shen Qingqiu, but he held it back, wanting to see what else this fool had to say, “You’ve stopped taking care of yourself. You’re rarely seen outside of your Peak. You’re not teaching your students. You’re not partaking in any missions.” Yue Qingyuan took a deep breath, “When was the last time you’ve eaten? Or slept?”
The steam had settled.
His Shizun always told him that he brewed a perfect cup of tea.
Shen Qingqiu lifted his gaze whilst peering at the Sect Leader through his lashes. His fan snapped open, shielding him from the attack. He couldn’t let this man see his face crack. Never.
“Zhangmen-shixiong, have I fallen behind with my work?” He challenged back, and before Yue Qingyuan could rebut, he pressed forwards, “My paperwork is delivered on time. My budget reports are monthly received by An Ding. My missions are temporary taken care of by Mu-shidi and Liu-shidi out of their volition. Qing Jing’s Hall Masters are just as capable of handling the curriculum as this master. They do not need me to sit-in at every lecture hall.”
Yue Qingyuan sighed, “I understand, but—“
“But what?” Shen Qingqiu snapped back.
The man seemed to hesitate, until the so-called bravery filled his tone, “But what about you?”
“What about me?”
“As this one has said, you’ve stopped taking care of yourself.” Yue Qingyuan reminded, as if Shen Qingqiu had forgotten the ridiculous arguments he made a moment ago.
“This master is fine.”
And then, whatever game they were playing was snapped with Yue Qingyuan revealing his true intentions, “Disciple Shen does not require for a Peak Lord to be his personal carer. If he is grievously ill, he can be taken care of at Qian Cao Peak in the ward for those of disturbed mind.”
Shen Qingqiu had entertained the idea that he must have misheard. Surely, the words were merely an illusion, and Yue Qingyuan was not implying what he just did.
“You dare.” It wasn’t a question. But a statement.
“Xiao Jiu, you are hurting yourself!” Yue Qingyuan had grown angry.
“Do not call me that!” Shen Qingqiu raised his voice, “And what do you care?” His eyes narrowed in accusation, “He needs me, Yue Qingyuan! And I will not leave him!” Not like you did, was left unsaid.
There it was — what Shen Qingqiu had feared all these years.
Now that Shen Yuan’s heart had stopped loving so earnestly and easily, now that he needed help of those around him, now that he needed someone to love him back — the world had started to turn against him. Began to see him as a problem. As a burden. As too much work.
But never Shen Qingqiu.
Because he remembered that boy who used to make him home-made tanghulu whilst claiming that he had made too much for himself and didn’t want to waste it. He remembered the boy who would always stay the latest at the libraries reading through every available bestiary, oftentimes falling asleep on his chair with both Shen Qingqiu and the librarian leaving him be. He remembered the forest green eyes that were so painfully his, the bubbling laugh that was identical to Ning Yingying’s, and a face which was that of his passed sister.
“Xiao— Qingqiu-shidi!”
“Get out.”
Shen Qingqiu didn’t even wait for the man to leave, and instead, fled to the master bedroom himself. How rude. He did not care.
That night, he shot up from his bed to the scent of blood filling the air, finding Shen Yuan slicing his wrists with his spiritual sword.
The next morning, Shen Qingqiu had prayed to the Gods in the Heavens for the first time in his life. Prayed to his Shizun to give him guidance. In a dream or with a sign; he would take anything. Because he might know how to lead a peak, he might know how to scheme, he might know how to destroy a life—
—but he needed to learn how to save it.
Soon, the Bamboo House was renovated. There were no sharp objects left lying around. Those in the kitchen were bound to drawers with a talisman that only Ming Fan and Shen Qingqiu knew how to disable. Through the night, Shen Qungqiu checked on Shen Yuan every two hours to make sure that he was alright. If the boy was having a nightmare, the man would wake him and try his best to distract him.
Alongside Mount-Tiger elixirs, Shen Qingqiu came up with a technique on how to sneak in more food. Perhaps, the choices were not the most nutritious, but it was endearing to find out that his disciple still had a sweet tooth. Just like before that day.
And when Shen Qingqiu had brought him a bowl of congee, Shen Yuan finally spoke a full sentence that wasn’t about death.
“Binghe is a very good cook. His congee is the best I’ve ever had.” He whispered; his throat was dry and raw from misuse.
Shen Qingqiu had never been more proud.
He hated speaking about Luo Binghe. A boy who was so greedy after Shen Yuan’s attention and love. A boy who stole Shen Yuan’s heart with him when he fell into hell.
But Shen Yuan was talking.
After months of silence.
“This master doesn’t recall any cooking classes on his peak.” He indulged in a conversation, and something seemed to have come alive — for just a second — in Shen Yuan’s gaze.
“Ah, no.. He learned from his mother. She was a washerwoman in the village nearby. She used to always make us the most delicious congee.”
That had Shen Qingqiu interested, “You knew her as well?”
“Yes.. I’ve known Binghe my entire life. Him and his mother were servants for the Zhou family..” There was a small pause, “..and I was their slave.”
Shen Qingqiu stilled.
Maybe their blood was truly cursed.
Shen Yuan looked up at him in search for his reaction. What was the boy expecting? Disgust? Rejection? Was this another form of self-harm or his way of seeking understanding? Children are so complicated.
He breathed out; feeling like the moment was right, “Long ago, there was a boy who had been sold by his parents into slavery.” He wasn’t sure when that had happened, but his hand reached forwards to rest atop Shen Yuan’s, “That boy had a younger sister whom he had lost. Unlike him, she was sold into a brothel as a babe.”
Shen Yuan stayed silent.
But he was listening.
“When the boy grew up, he managed to escape his past by becoming a disciple at Cang Qing sect. Later, he rose to the status of a Lord. He used his new connections to search for his lost sister, however, instead of finding her, he had discovered that she had two children in her life. A boy and a girl.”
Shen Yuan blinked up his eyes. He was an intelligent boy and must have quickly put the story together.
“..A girl?” He asked, and Shen Qingqiu nodded.
“Surely, you’ve heard of ‘unnatural resemblance’ that you have with Ning Yingying that the peak gossips about.”
Shen Yuan opened his mouth, then closed it, then thought for a moment, “Shizun.. Does that mean you’re my uncle?”
“Yes.” Shen Qingqiu nodded. And then, his tone fell lower. It turned serious, “You’re my family, Shen Yuan. You’re what is left of my sister. You’re my jade disciple. I am not abandoning you.”
Shen Yuan’s eyes grew wet, “But.. What if I don’t get better?”
“You will.” Shen Qingqiu will not entertain all this talk.
“I heard what Zhangmen-shibo had said..” For fucks sake! “Shizun’s been neglecting himself because of me, and all I’ve been doing is just lying around and suffering. This is.. Unfair to Shizun.” A tear fell down the boy’s cheek, which Shen Qingqiu on impulse wiped away with his sleeve.
“Shen Yuan.” He spoke in a firm tone, “Listen to me very carefully. This is important.” Shen Yuan sniffled, but nodded, “Caring for you is not a burden on this master. You are not a burden.“
That broke the dam. Shen Yuan’s eyes were leaking tears against his will, and no matter how much he wiped at his eyes with balled fists; they just kept on pouring.
Shen Qingqiu groaned, “Come here.”
“It h-hurts!” Shen Yuan sobbed whilst barely managing to take a breath in, “It h-hurts so much!”
“I know.” Shen Qingqiu trailed his hand through the boy’s hair; swiftly undoing any knots or tangles.
“I miss h-him..! I miss him s-so much!” Shen Yuan’s voice was gradually becoming louder as all the repressed emotions poured out of him. Shen Qingqiu made sure to hold him through it all.
“I know.” Shen Qingqiu pressed the boy’s head below his chin. If only he could take some of this pain away. He was already a miserable creature. He had already gone through this once — when he had seen his Qi-ge well and alive during an Immortal Alliance Conference.
“Shizun.. S-shizun..!”
“Shh.. Shh..” When Shen Yuan’s breathing began to get out of control, he placed a palm between the boy’s shoulder blades and passed him a humming stream of qi. There was so much misbalance and chaos swirling from within.
“Shizun..” And then, the boy slumped against him like he were a puppet whose strings have been cut. Going limp, but not out of relief or exhaustion. No, this was hopelessness. Resignation.
“Shizun.. I think I love him.”
Shen Qingqiu felt cold creep up his back. His hairs stood on end.
“I don’t know how to live without him.” Shen Yuan repeated once more. The line which Shen Qingqiu heard all too many times, but now.. It gained a new meaning.
“You will learn.” Shen Qingqiu insisted, and before Shen Yuan would spout any more nonsense he continued on, “And when the day will come, the two of you will reunite in the next lifetime.”
How cruel of him to promise such a blatant lie. He would pray to all Gods and Heavens that Luo Binghe and Shen Yuan shall never cross paths again. But the child needed to hear this. He needed a lie to keep him going until his legs would grow strong again, same way Shen Qingqiu had needed to believe that Qi-ge would come back for him in order to survive through the abuse of Qiu Jianluo.
“..it hurts.” Shen Yuan hiccuped, and Shen Qingqiu felt something in him shatter.
He hugged the boy closer. For a second, he saw Xiao Jiu in his arms, skinny, sick, and alone. After a next blink he was gone, replaced with a vision of Shen Yuan. What an odd trick of light.
“I know.”
Slowly, Shen Yuan began to get better. The progress was not linear. In fact, the boy would take one step forward, and instantaneously stumble two steps back. Just when Shen Qingqiu had managed to convince him to start sessions with the healer of mind (personally chosen by Mu Qingfang), two days later he caught the boy tying a noose with the sheets.
Shen Qingqiu had shouted at Shen Yuan for the first time since the Immortal Alliance Conference, shaking with fear of what could have been if he didn’t cancel the meeting with a Hall Master due to a ‘bad feeling’.
He didn’t remember exactly what had been said between the two of them, but Shen Yuan was just as angry for being caught. The two of them — forces of stubbornness in the blood of Shen — both tired of their misery but unable to escape it. They called each other names, stabbed where it hurt most, but at no point did either of them leave.
It was a year later that Shen Yuan was trusted to be left home alone for an extended period of time. Shen Qingqiu had strapped the boy with countless alert talismans, asked Ming Fan to keep an eye out, and notified their peak-bound healer to be on standby should anything happen. Everyone knew how hard the loss of Luo Binghe had been on Shen Yuan, so they all treaded carefully. None were naive to relax too much. To think that just because Shen Yuan was once more attending classes, reading books, and eating a couple of meals per day, that he was now magically cured.
No, there were still nights that Shen Qingqiu had to hold him through a nightmare. Or where he would find cracked pieces of blades stapled underneath Shen Yuan’s bed. On some occasions, even buckets of vomit would be pushed into further corners — covered with a blanket — and a scent-suppressing talisman plastered on. He could always recognize the perfect calligraphy painted atop. If only these talents were being used for something.. Better than this.
Shen Qingqiu began to feel the change on the second year after the Immortal Alliance Conference. He had just come back from a Peak Lord meeting (and a forced tea session with Yue Qingyuan), when he heard the sound of radiant laughter ghost through the fields of Qing Jing Peak. It was in that moment that it had hit him — Shen Yuan hadn’t laughed for two years. His legs carried him towards the soul-pleasing sound without him meaning to, and the sight before him melted his frozen heart.
Shen Yuan was playing with a small fox cub. Its fur was snow white, but its paws and the tips of its twelve tails were baby blue. The creature was climbing all over the boy’s lap, paddling against Shen Yuan’s robes with its tiny legs, and occasionally would leave a determined lick across the boy’s cheek. Twelve-Tailed Snow Foxes. A sign of good fortune. What was it even doing here? So far away from its home habitat?
Shen Yuan’s laughter was all it took for Shen Qingqiu to agree to have a pet in his home.
“An animal is a big responsibility.” He reminded as they dined. He tried his best to ignore the curious sniffs the fox kept giving to their plates.
“Shizun, I know.” Shen Yuan brushed him off, and then peered down as the creature stuffed in his robes, “But I’ve always loved animals.” You have. You are finally remembering. There was more to your world than just Luo Binghe.
“You will speak with your shishu on how to care for the thing.” Shen Qingqiu vaguely gestured in the direction of the fox, who proceeded to chirp in acknowledgment. Little beast that knew to pick well when it decided to stick itself to Shen Yuan’s side. Making use of the boy’s vulnerability. Just like certain someone he used to know.
Could this be Luo Binghe’s reincarnation? Could it truly be that the beast has come back to Shen Yuan’s side, even after death? The thick fur and turquoise eyes that seemed to carry intelligence above that of an average animal—
—No. Nothing but wishful thinking.
“Of course, Shizun.” Shen Yuan enthusiastically agreed as he plotted a spoonful of noodles into his mouth.
“Do not slurp. I can’t stand the sound.” Shen Qingqiu scolded.
“Shizun! I would never.” Shen Yuan playfully spoke back, and Shen Qingqiu was hit with another painful realization.
He had almost lost this.
He had almost lost this boy.
“What will you name it?” He asked, trying to push aside the dark thoughts which plagued him.
“Hm..” Shen Yuan hummed, and locked his eyes with the fox. The cub’s tails began to wag enthusiastically at being given so much attention, “Xiao Xi. A-Xi. How’s that? Do you like it?”
Little hope. Distasteful. Simplistic.
And so plainly obvious.
The creature seemed to enjoy the name, as it pushed its head against Shen Yuan’s palms; practically begging for pets. Once more, the boy’s laughter easily filled the house, and Shen Qingqiu felt some tension ease from his shoulders.
“It is undisciplined.” He found himself mindlessly saying, which earned him an amused huff from Shen Yuan.
“Shizun, it’s a fox. Not much can be done about its discipline.”
“No undignified creature shall remain on this master’s peak.” They both knew that the threat was empty. The words were for appearances. “Teach it well.”
“I will!”
Mu Qingfang had long ago suggested that a pet would be a good idea. To give Shen Yuan something to take care of (something to live for), so that his mind can be distracted from the things which drained it down. Shen Yuan’s heart — although hurt — was still so full of love it sickened Shen Qingqiu. The boy was desperate to care and love something. Needed it, just as badly as one needed to drink water and breathe air.
A fox could cultivate into a familiar. It could look after Shen Yuan in moments that Shen Qingqiu couldn’t.
The mission should have been simple. Three years since Luo Binghe had fallen down into the Abyss — Shen Yuan had regained his night hunt privileges.
Which was why, Shen Qingqiu had taken him along to Jinlan city, thinking that the boy needed a change of scenery. If only he knew.
Shen Yuan just a moment ago was walking before him, blabbering about the potential causes of the plague, and his research-based theories, when suddenly the boy’s body froze up mid-sentence as if he had been stabbed in the gut. The little fox that had grown over the year and made it a habit to lounge on Shen Yuan’s shoulders also startled in place; its fur puffing up in distress.
“Shen Yuan?” He called out, and then—
He heard it too.
Luo Binghe’s voice.
The boy — now, a young man — had grown up well. Big muscles, broad shoulders, beautiful hair that would make maidens weep with jealousy. His face was nothing like that of a brat who he recalled seeing at the Disciple Selection. No, he had grown into someone who bore the features of a noble blue blood. Sharp jawline, stone-carved cheekbones, and sparkling ruby eyes. His demon mark was perfectly concealed; the years which he had spent crawling around the Abyss must have taught him control over his nature. There was no sight of pointed ears or sharpened canines.
Luo Binghe was a handsome man.
With two women clinging on each one of his arms.
Shen Qingqiu quickly recognized the one on the right — the little Palace Mistress. A bratty girl who never knew a tough day in her life. Her body was small, petite, and coquettish. Perfectly slotting itself by the beast’s side like an arm candy. On the opposite side was another Huan Hua disciple. Her robes were inappropriately tied around her torso to highlight the curve of her hips and tightness of her waist. She had generous amount of makeup on, a stinking perfume that Shen Qingqiu could smell all the way from where he stood, and that lustful — enchanted — gaze that was firmly fixed on Luo Binghe’s lips.
Fuck.
That was all that he could really think when he dared to glance down at Shen Yuan.
The boy’s eyes were wide with something akin to despair. Ah, he knew that feeling well. This was exactly what it had felt like to see Qi-ge alive and well, when he had already long buried him in the heart and mourned him.
“Shibo? A-Yuan?” Luo Binghe seemed just as surprised by their appearance as they were by his, and it was in that moment that he became self-conscious about the women draping themselves all over him. Gently, he tried to push them away, but it only made them whine louder. Attracting a small audience.
“Luo-shixiong!” The Palace Mistress pouted.
“Who is that?” The other girl narrowed her eyes at Shen Yuan as if he were dirt. Shen Qingqiu silently gritted his teeth.
Luo Binghe ignored them, and stepped forward, “A-Yuan, it’s really you.”
Shen Yuan was still silent. Shen Qingqiu noticed him look over Luo Binghe’s clothes — golden, belonging to Huan Hua — and then once more at the clinging girls by his sides and group of boys behind them.
“Binghe.” He finally managed to whisper back, “You’re.. Alive.”
The moment was broken by the Palace Mistress, “Ha! Not thanks to you!” She pointed her finger, and Shen Qingqiu watched Luo Binghe panic.
Just what exactly has the beast been telling these brats about Cang Qiong?
“What?” Shen Yuan’s voice was so painfully raw. Too emotional. Shen Qingqiu wanted to snap at the boy. Don’t let them see you weak. They’ll maul you to death.
“A-Luo told us all about how he had been injured after the Immortal Alliance Conference! When we found him, he was barely whole! And your sect wasn’t even looking for him! How could you?! No loyalty!”
Shen Qingqiu wanted to scoff. They weren’t looking for Luo Binghe because the boy was deemed dead.
“Binghe.. I thought you were gone.”
Shen Yuan, stop talking, Shen Qingqiu internally pleaded.
You are opening up your soul to a man who is not worth it. To a man who has two women attached at each arm, while you were trying to carve your heart out in despair of his loss.
He does not deserve you.
He does not deserve your truth.
“If I had known.. I would have looked for you.” Shen Yuan kept on speaking; his eyes wetting at the edges, “I wouldn’t have stopped until I found you.” The Huan Hua disciples were whispering around them; forming a circle. But Shen Yuan and Luo Binghe were in their own world where only the two of them existed, “Come back home, Binghe. I’ve missed you. Please, come back. Please.”
Oh no.
Shen Qingqiu already knew what was to come.
“I can’t come back.”
Shen Yuan’s step faltered.
“Why?”
No answer.
“Why can’t you?”
Shen Qingqiu felt his ears ring.
‘Why didn’t you come back for me, Qi-ge?’
Luo Binghe looked to the side. Not enough of a man to keep eye contact with Shen Yuan who was shattering before him.
“Huan Hua saved me in my time of need. I must show my gratitude to the Palace Master.“
Coward.
“Can’t you do that from Cang Qiong? Why do you have to be away from home?”
Don’t say it.
“I’m sorry.”
‘I’m sorry, Xiao Jiu.’
Cowards.
Both of them.
Shen Qingqiu was going to lose his mind.
Seeing Qiu Haitang once more after all these years was like seeing the ghost from the past haunt the living. She had grown into a strong woman. Gone was the gentleness and naivety which she had as a child (and it was his fault). Now, her face was crossed with a frown and her hands sported callouses from tireless work. Same as him, she must have started cultivation late, but she didn’t look a day over twenty; her features perfectly preserved.
“May the Heavens strike me down if I’m lying.” She roared with her eyes full of rage. Yue Qingyuan by his side stiffened. Shen Yuan flinched. “The man who all of you know as the Qing Jing Peak Lord Shen Qingqiu — long ago was a boy named Shen Jiu. He was a slave of my family.”
Shen Yuan seemed like he was about to speak up, so Shen Qingqiu grasped the boy’s shoulder and squeezed tight. Stay put, he commanded without a word.
“For all years that we grew up together, my family treated him as his own. And at the age of fifteen — we were engaged and set to marry! My brother had even burned his slave contract, making him a free man.” Her hand squeezed the handle of her sword, “And what did he do to thank such gracious kindness? He murdered everyone! Even the staff! He burned down our entire estate! All so that he could become a disciple of Wu Yanzi!”
The name instantly got the crowd murmuring. Wu Yanzi, the fucking bastard with sick obsessions and little experiments. Shen Qingqiu had done the right thing by ridding the world of the filth that he was.
“Shizun..” Shen Yuan whispered; looking up with pleading eyes.
“Such barbaric accusations..” The Palace Master spoke up, “Has Cang Qiong been housing a criminal for all these years without knowing?”
“Do not call him a criminal!” It was Liu Qingge who had spoken up, already itching for a fight.
“Grave tales cannot be believed without a submission of proof.” Yue Qingyuan diplomatically offered. His face had that same dull smile which he always wore.
“Now, now. But that’s not all, is it?” The Palace Master pushed, “Shen Qingqiu has all kinds of rumors floating around his name. His frequent visits to the brothels, the abuse of his disciples, and..” Slowly, the man’s gaze trailed to the figures of Shen Yuan and Ning Yingying. Shen Qingqiu felt his heart squeeze, ready to pluck the creep’s eyes out, “..bringing his bastard children onto his peak, calling them his disciples.”
“How dare you!” It was Ning Yingying who had reacted first; her face red from anger, “Rumors are just rumors! And we are real Qing Jing Peak disciples!”
“Quiet, Yingying.” He scolded, not wanting for the girl to attract the ire of the wrong crowd.
“This master believes that a thorough investigation is in order, and until then, Shen Qingqiu should be confined within the Water Prison.” Palace Master had went there after all, just how Shen Qingqiu had expected. So, what would it be? He accidentally fell into the acid? Died from an unknown illness? Has run away — never to be seen again?
There was chaos around him. Cultivators fighting with one another, throwing around words and accusations. His disciples stood proud and defended his honor like their own.
Qiu Haitang’s presence was not a coincidence.
This was a set-up.
Shocked gasps and murmurs brought him back to the present. His martial siblings’ faces ranged from shades of crimson red to snowy pale. What had he missed?
“You can’t take him away!” Shen Yuan by his side was vibrating with rage, “This is all baseless nonsense! He’s a Peak Lord, not a low level criminal!”
Out of curiosity, Shen Qingqiu dared to steal a glance in Yue Qingyuan’s direction. The coward, although stood proud, held back his words and cluelessly peeked through the crowd. Disappointment quickly welled up in Shen Qingqiu’s chest. A feeling so familiar, it almost felt like coming home.
“Ah, Shen-gongzi.” The Palace Master calmly peered down at the boy, “Don’t worry, you’ll finally be free of the clutches of that villain. We’ve heard all about how he hoards you in his house.”
“What?! That’s not what—!” Shen Yuan’s voice was becoming hysterical at this point. His eyes were wide like that of a cornered animal. The fox across his shoulders began to growl in a low tone.
“Shen Yuan! Compose yourself!” Shen Qingqiu snapped his fan against the boy’s back, hoping that the sensation of pain would sober him up from an upcoming panic attack. As someone who has been dealing with the boy’s mood swings for the past three years, he could see the signs as clear as day. And so could Mu Qingfang, who had carefully positioned himself by the boy’s opposite side should the worst happen.
“That’s not right!” Shen Yuan shook his head, but it was as if the world around them ignored him, having long decided that the boy’s word was as good as the whistle of the wind.
“Poor boy. He’s been manipulated to think that the treatment he’s been through was tolerable..”
“Just what kind of unthinkable acts have been happening on Qing Jing Peak?”
“We have averted our eyes from the truth for a long while.. But when the youth gets hurt in the process..”
“What are you all saying?!” Shen Yuan shouted.
“Shen-gongzi is clearly emotionally unstable..”
Shen Qingqiu bit the inside of his cheek. The so-called righteous cultivators, bullying and ganging up on a child.
“Oh, yeah! My cousin is a disciple at Qian Cao Peak and she said that Shen-gongzi was grief-struck into madness for years.” Whispered one of the Huan Hua disciples, and Gongyi Xiao gaped at the rudeness of his own martial siblings.
Shen Yuan flinched as if he had been slapped; shrinking on himself, “That’s..” He whispered, and Shen Qingqiu cursed under his breath.
“Luo Binghe.” Liu Qingge’s voice carried over through the group. The boy in question blinked up in surprise, “Does that mean you’ve betrayed Cang Qiong?”
“No, Shizun.” The beast answered back in a low tone. Suddenly, all eyes were on him. Did Liu Qingge do this to distract the crowd from Shen Yuan? Perhaps the brute was not as much of a fool as Shen Qingqiu thought.
“Are you not dressed in golden robes? Are you not allowing the slander of your shibo? And your shidi? Not a word out of your mouth in their defense.” Luo Binghe looked down; ashamed. But Liu Qingge was not done, “How dare you not come back? How dare you stand on their side? Were the riches and women enough to sway your loyalty?”
“No! That’s not it!” Luo Binghe insisted, although his argument was weak with the Palace Mistress still clinging to his arm, “Shizun, I—!”
“I don’t want to hear it!”
Shen Qingqiu stared in surprise, having never heard Liu Qingge this enraged. Even during their years as Head Disciples.
But then again. He was also there when Shen Yuan was more skeleton than a man. He was the one who had to slaughter Mount-Tigers every month, just so that they could keep the boy alive. He was there when Shen Qingqiu rushed a bleeding Shen Yuan to the clinic, when they had to rummage through the storage of Bai Zhan to make bandages from the silk of Thousand-Eyed Spiders, just so that he couldn’t hurt himself again (and Shen Yuan still found a way around it, by going for his thighs instead). He was there when the boy had come to Bai Zhan challenging every muscle-headed disciple for a fight in yet another attempt to end his life.
Liu Qingge had seen what the loss of Luo Binghe had done to Shen Yuan.
Lived through it alongside Shen Qingqiu and Mu Qingfang. The other two men who were just as desperate to keep a broken heart beating.
The Palace Master coughed into his sleeve, “We cannot allow Shen Qingqiu to return to—“
Shen Qingqiu let out a long sigh, “I’ll go to the Water Prison, and will submit myself to a trial.”
“Shizun, no!” Ning Yingying yelped in shock.
“No, don’t!” Shen Yuan’s eyes were so wide.. So scared. The boy was not foolish. He must have realized that this could be the last time he sees his Shizun alive.
A bitter smile spread across his face.
“Shen Yuan.”
Their eyes locked together. His hand reached, but he held himself back. He could see it in every twitch and motion, just how desperately Shen Yuan needed his comfort. A pat on the head or a squeeze of a hug. Fucking hells. When had he spoiled this child so much?
He might never see Shen Yuan again.
He should—
Who cares if Yue Qingyuan can see—
Who cares if they all can see—
“You will live. No matter what happens. Do you understand?”
Shen Yuan gaped at him like a fish out the water. That dumbfounded, slow look that knew what his Shizun’s words meant, but refused to accept it.
“Shizun—!”
“I said.” Shen Qingqiu snapped his fan closed, “Do. you. understand?”
A-Xi let out a small whine; sensing its owner’s upset and began to snuggle into his cheek. Shen Yuan completely ignored it.
“..I understand, Shizun.” The boy mumbled with his head lowered.
Shen Qingqiu nodded.
He turned to look at Ning Yingying who was already openly leaking tears like a cracked jug of water.
Such hopeless children.
He felt an urge build up in his chest. To feel the slide of their locks against his fingers, and the warmth of their bodies against his chest. To embrace them tight enough, so that he could hide them away from this world.
Instead—
“I’m ready.” He spoke to one of the Huan Hua cultivators who was already waiting with Immortal Binding Cables. Shen Yuan was about to leap towards his side, but he was stopped by Ning Yingying, who instead averted his head from the sight and pressed his face against her neck.
How overdramatic.
He felt his qi flow go cold.
Next, he was being led away towards the Water Prison.
“I’ll be back for you, Xiao Jiu. Qi-ge promises.” Yue Qingyuan said into his ear, and he could barely hold back an eye-roll.
“And why didn’t you keep your other promise?” Yue Qingyuan reeled back at his words.
This might be it.
He could be dead tomorrow.
This could be his last chance to find out—
“I’m sorry.”
The time in the Water Prison was a blur. A couple of disciples had paid him a visit to goggle at him, but aside from being given spoiled food and dirty water his days passed in monotone boredom. He settled for meditation; simply awaiting for what was to come. Yue Qingyuan and Liu Qingge had managed to negotiate for the trial to happen in one week, unlike an originally suggested month. He could do this.
“Shibo.”
Or could he?
“Luo Binghe.”
Shen Qingqiu had been expecting him. This time around, the beast was alone (finally), no chirping birds by his ears whispering him sweet-nothings. The scholar clicked his tongue. Such men disgusted him the most. Luo Binghe clearly did not care for those women, but they cared for him. Being perfectly aware of such factor, he had used it to his advantage to advance within the ranks of Huan Hua.
He had told Shen Yuan that it was to thank the Palace Master, but clearly the brute was working on something that couldn’t be discussed in public.
“This one has brought Shen-shibo his dinner.” Luo Binghe lowered a bowl of congee before the man, and took a step back with his hands folded in his sleeves.
“How many days has it been?” He asked while completely ignoring the steaming food that made his mouth water. If Luo Binghe had taken offense to that, then the problem was his.
“The trial is happening tomorrow, but Shen-shibo shouldn’t worry. Cang Qiong have been working relentlessly on gathering evidence and witnesses.” Luo Binghe rushed to report, at which Shen Qingqiu snorted.
“If Palace Master wishes to find this one guilty, then it’ll be so.”
Something dark crossed Luo Binghe’s face, “That won’t happen.”
“Oh?” Shen Qingqiu raised a brow, “And what can a helpless pup like you do? Will you growl and show them your fangs?”
“Shibo.” Luo Binghe said as if in warning. The audacity!
“Beast.” His tone dipped lower. After a tense moment of silence, his posture relaxed, “Why are you truly here?”
“A-Yuan.. He.. How has he been..” He fumbled through his words like a child.
“Have you come here to satisfy your sadistic curiosity of whether Shen Yuan was agonized by your supposed demise or not?” Shen Qingqiu snapped back. The flashes of all the horrors which he had to survive through with Shen Yuan flashed before his eyes. Such a demeaning inquiry. Truly, how cruel could these men be? Because even now — knowing, suspecting — what he was, instead of seeing Shen Yuan, he was here speaking with Shen Qingqiu.
“That’s not what I meant! I never wanted A-Yuan to suffer!” Luo Binghe defended himself quite desperately. Ha! As if Shen Qingqiu would be naive enough to believe the silken words!
Men’s tongues had one purpose in life — to lie. He’d believe it when he’d see it.
“Then why didn’t you tell him the truth?”
Luo Binghe shied away from his piercing gaze.
“Do you think this master doesn’t understand why you did not come back?” Luo Binghe blinked up at him in surprise, so he let himself speak, “It is because you’re a selfish, self-centered creature. For years, you were coddled by Shen Yuan with his heaven-reaching patience and loving heart. This one could only imagine how many slights he has forgiven, how many wrongs he had brushed off, how easily he fell for your fake tears and pathetic whining. And so, when you fell into the Abyss, having been revealed to be a demon, all you could think about was how unfair this world was to you. How cruel humanity is. How you couldn’t bear to see Shen Yuan reject you for your parentage. You’re so used to the world revolving around you and your self-pity, aren’t you?”
“However, could you enlighten this master, have you for once thought what this would do to Shen Yuan? How he would mourn you? How he would go mad? Stop eating? Every night that boy woke up screaming your name! And for what?! For a brainless beast such as yourself! He had almost killed himself for you, while you were too much of a coward to face him! You needed an alliance, a security net to fall back into should something go wrong! Pathetic!”
Because should Shen Yuan reject you, then you will take him by force, won’t you? And when he will cry out in pain and beg you to stop, you will delude yourself into thinking that you know what is best for him. That what you are doing is right. Because you love him.
But your love is not the same as Shen Yuan’s. Shen Yuan who would bleed himself dry, who would cut out his own heart, who would jump into a pit of fire for you. If you were to ever ask him to leave you alone — he would do so without a question, no matter the agony it would cause. But you? Luo Binghe. Demon scum. You would chain him to the wall, ignore his tears, tear off his limbs and cut off his tongue, all so that he could not dare leave nor speak against you.
“Shibo has quite a warped impression of this disciple.” Luo Binghe rasped. His gaze intense enough, like he could read each and every thought that Shen Qingqiu was thinking.
“Has it been disproved thus far?” Shen Qingqiu cocked his head to the side. Although he was bound and forced to kneel, he was still able to look down at the man before him.
Luo Binghe placed a hand on his hip, “Shibo is correct. This one is a monstrous, blood-lusting beast. A possessive creature who wants all too much than what he deserves. It is in my nature to conquer and destroy.” Sick satisfaction swelled up in Shen Qingqiu’s chest. So, the demonic offspring was far more self-aware than he had expected. Making him only so much more manipulative.
“However, shibo was wrong about one crucial thing.” Luo Binghe kneeled down, his face was now eye-to-eye with the scholar, and Shen Qingqiu got the front view of the pulsing crimson gleam within those irises, “My loyalty is undying.” The beast whispered, “Not even once have I stopped thinking of my A-Yuan. I thought of him as my body was turned into gore upon the fall, I thought of him as I faced the trials of the Abyss, I thought of him each time I was gutted, stabbed, and poisoned. I thought of him knowing that he deserved better than I could ever offer. He deserved the money, the land, the power. And so, I took over the Demon Realm, and fought for the title of a Lord. An Emperor.”
Shen Qingqiu’s eyes widened.
All those rumors these passing years..
That was Luo Binghe?
“Monster.” The scholar breathed out, at which Luo Binghe let out a small chuckle.
“Indeed.” He agreed easily, “Shen-shibo.” Shen Qingqiu watched him rise back to his feet, “Do not fear the trial. This one promises Shen-shibo’s safety. Soon, you’ll be back home at Qing Jing Peak, painting the beautiful scenery of the horizons and playing guqin when you think nobody else can hear you.”
“You dare mock me?”
“Never.”
Before he could leave, Shen Qingqiu snapped his gaze upwards, “You won’t harm Shen Yuan. You will not.” Maybe to anyone else, his words would seem like a squeak of a mouse before the jaws of a lion. But Luo Binghe — the perceptive creature that he was — saw the facade buried underneath.
“Of course.”
Luo Binghe kept his promise.
He kept it, when Qi-ge didn’t.
A demon’s word held more value than that of a man.
Two months following the conclusion of Shen Qingqiu’s trial, the Palace Master was found dead in his chambers. It was reported that his body was glistering with rot, foaming at the mouth with his face frozen in ever-lasting horror. He had died in excruciating pain with a sixteen-year-old girl found to be kept in the chambers hidden behind the seal. The girl with thick, curly black locks and ruby eyes, awfully similar to those of Luo Binghe. And of someone else he had used to know — Su Xiyan.
Him and Luo Binghe have fallen into a habit of exchanging letters. The boy was not his disciple, but Shen Qingqiu had to admit that a favor was owed. He provided the beast with useful contacts and information of the past. Helped him dig through the dirt of Huan Hua — reaping the benefits for Cang Qiong in the process — until Luo Binghe had found what he was after. The truth. About his birth mother and father.
The entire time, Shen Yuan was kept in the dark. If he would have asked, Shen Qingqiu would have told him, but the boy never did. Instead, he buried himself in a new project, taught the fox cub more tricks, and took consistent trips to the Imperial Capital alongside Ning Yingying.
They have gotten closer, ever since he had revealed to them that they were siblings. Shen Qingqiu wondered whether this was something his sister would have wanted. For A-Ying and A-Yuan to be attached at the hip as they were now.
“Shibo.” Shen Qingqiu looked up from his paperwork at the Demonic Emperor who was causally lounging in his office room.
“Perhaps another Peak Lord meeting is in order. Clearly the security is not tight enough if rats keep running around unchecked across the peaks.”
Luo Binghe let out a genuine laugh at that, “Shen-shibo’s tongue is as sharp as ever. However, not many barriers can protect against the power of Xin Mo.” At the mention of the sword, Shen Qingqiu’s gaze snapped towards the cursed weapon strapped to the beast’s hip.
He scrunched up his face in disgust, “Just as vile as its owner.”
Luo Binghe didn’t take insults to heart, “Shibo, this Lord has come here with genuine business.”
Shen Qingqiu snapped his fan open, “Then state it and stop wasting this master’s time.”
“This Lord has come to announce his intention to court A-Yuan.” Shen Qingqiu noticed the wording. ‘Has come to announce’, and not ‘ask for permission’.
Right. As if he would ever deem anyone good enough for either Shen Yuan or Ning Yingying.
“How bold.” His hand itched to snap the fan against that boulder of a head, “And why would he accept when you haven’t spoken to him since the mess in Jinlan City?” Luo Binghe hissed at the reminder, “You’ll have a lot of work to do. You’ve broken his heart once already.” And Shen Qingqiu wasn’t sure Shen Yuan would survive the second time.
“Shibo..”
“‘Shibo’ this, ‘shibo’ that. Does esteemed Lord Luo have another word in his vast vocabulary?”
“‘A-Yuan’ is also a common one.” Luo Binghe flashed his classic devilish smirk, which made Shen Qingqiu want to snap at him only more.
“What do you want? Why are you still intruding in this master’s home?”
“How do I.. Make it right?”
So, that’s how it was.
“That’s why he’s been going away.” Shen Qingqiu whispered under his breath, and then lifted his gaze, “He’s avoiding you. You’ve spoken with him already, but he hasn’t—“ forgiven? No, Shen Yuan definitely forgave the beast and even thanked the Heavens that he was well and alive. Something else, more intimate, more important.. “—come to trust you again.”
“Shibo is as wise as always.” Luo Binghe’s brows knitted at the crease of his forehead, “A-Yuan is convinced that this one has a harem of women and has bedded every maiden at his step..”
Shen Qingqiu raised a brow, “What was he supposed to think? That you’re not a man-whore when there were two women clinging to your arms and giggling in your ear as you watched his Shizun get arrested in complete silence? That as he broke down in the middle of a crowd, you walked away to pacify the Palace Mistress’ tantrum? And when he sent countless letters requesting permission to see me in the Water Prison, it was you who rejected him entry.”
Luo Binghe grunted; his fangs flashing in the moonlight. In that moment, he looked painfully young. A Demon Emperor, Conquerer of the Abyss, the winner of Immortal Alliance Conference, the new Palace Master.. Was just a young lad struggling to grasp his love life. How utterly annoying. Not worth Shen Qingqiu’s time whatsoever, but the love goal in question was his nephew out of all people. What has the world come to?
“Luo Binghe, this master has solution to your foolish problem.” The beast perked up, “All you have to do is explain.” Luo Binghe’s mouth opened, so Shen Qingqiu lifted his palm to shut him up, “Shen Yuan does not need your riches, lands, or status. For many years, Shen Yuan loved Luo Binghe.” The beast gasped where he stood, which Shen Qingqiu swiftly ignored, “When they were two workers at the Zhao household, when they were street rats fighting to survive, when they were disciples at the sect. What Shen Yuan needs is for that Luo Binghe to come back to him. The one he holds affection for.”
The Demon Emperor looked up at him as if he had hung the moon and the stars. His eyes sparkling with admiration and hope. The sight made Shen Qingqiu’s stomach roll with disgust. How could Shen Yuan adore such display of weakness?
“..this Lord finally understands.”
Such a thick skull.
“Good. Now, out of my sight.”
Shen Qingqiu had expected this, but it did not mean that he was any less disappointed. Shen Yuan squirmed underneath his glare; shifting from one foot onto another like a guilty teenager and not a twenty-something-year-old.
“Your mother would have been disappointed that I allowed this to happen.” Was all that he had to offer, but it quickly perked up the boy’s attention.
They eloped! An Emperor of Demonic Realm — eloped! No wedding — nothing! And based on the limp in Shen Yuan’s step, the beast has gone far and beyond to lay his claim! Disgusting!
“Shizun, you never told me much about her.”
“That’s because I never got to speak with her in the end. A day before our arranged meeting, she was murdered by a man who was in love with her.” Seemed to be in the family. Sick bastards after their skins. Ready to destroy them over their selfish desires.
Shen Yuan seemed disappointed at his answer, so Shen Qingqiu spoke more, “However, the Madam told me enough.”
“What did she say?”
“That she was exactly like me.” Sharp and cunning, the Madam had said, with a short temper and a rude tongue. She had those same green eyes and pitch-black locks, “That she was a strong woman with an iron fist, who could always kick out unruly customers from the brothel without needing security.” Her strength could be matched to that of a grown, well-built man no matter her stunted growth, “And that she loved both you and Ning Yingying very much.” But she also loved animals and reading, just like the two of her children. As if her spirit had remained and settled itself within their cores; watching and living the world through their eyes.
“Shizun..”
“Shen Yuan.” Shen Qingqiu heaved a long breath. Feeling the weight of countless mountains pressing down on his shoulders, “You will live well and you will live happy. You will not let that heart of yours bleed no more. Do you understand?”
“Yes, jiujiu.”