Work Text:
“Love, you’ve smoothed that shirt down twenty times now. At this point, you’re only wrinkling it up worse.”
“Oh no, you think I’ve made it worse?” Bilbo sighed. If only Kili had given him an actual heads-up before deciding to invite his entire family over for a late Christmas dinner, Bilbo wouldn’t feel so stupid.
Don’t be mistaken, Bilbo loved Kili’s family and he loved cooking, but he still didn’t know them very well, so the initial anxiety of “meeting the parents” still lingered, and he had even more stress piled on with how much food he had to buy last minute. He would have sent Kili out with the grocery list as punishment, if he could trust him to actually follow it correctly. He was lucky all of his gifts had been distributed already so he did not have to worry about that.
Bilbo peeled off the shirt he had wrinkled, throwing it at Kili’s head with precise aim, and went to the closet to find a new one, “Should I wear blue? Oh, maybe that yellow jacket I have will look good with- no, it’s a family dinner, not a business event. Kili, I am going to kill you! That is, if your family doesn’t kill me first.. Oh, Kili. What have you done?”
Once Kili was done laughing at him, he decided to make himself somewhat useful and went over to join Bilbo at the closet. Grabbing a sweater, a blue one with a small white flower embroidered over the breast, he pulled it over Bilbo’s head and coaxed his arms through.
“Here, love. Wear this one, and try not to stress over how you look. Please, I’m going to be wearing what I have on now, so atleast they won’t question you as much as they question me.”
“Seriously? You’re wearing that? You could atleast get rid of the sweatpants! No, not like that. Get your head out of the gutter. Go put some jeans on, or something. You fool.”
Kili chuckled at him and pecked a kiss onto his forehead, “It’s just my family, we don’t need to dress up for them. I can bet they’ll be dressed just as casual as I am.”
“I don’t feel right having guests over and not looking nice.”
“You think too much,” Kili replied, wrapping his arms around Bilbo’s waist and tugging him close, so that their bodies were flush against each other, “maybe I can help-“
“Oh no you don’t. I have only one hour to finish preparing for everyone. You, stay back,” Bilbo snapped, pushing Kili hard back onto their bed and racing out of the room.
“Worth a shot,” Kili sighed.
“Come in, come in!” Bilbo scooted out of the way, allowing his guests to shuffle in, “You’re all right on time, food just got out of the oven. And,” he turned his head to shout, “Kili should have the table set by now!”
“Yes, alright, it’s done!” Kili replied, eliciting a quiet chuckle out of Bilbo.
“It smells lovely, my dear. It’s good to see you again,” said Dis, Kili’s mother, and Bilbo’s second favorite person (behind Bofur)(or at least that’s what he would tell Kili when he was being irritating.)
“It’s good to see you too,” Bilbo replied, “I’m so glad you all could make it.”
“Yes, apologies for the short notice. You’d think my son would have better planning skills after having your influence for so long, but some never learn,” she sighed, which earned a genuine laugh out of Bilbo, and probably also Fili (who had no reason to laugh at that, seeing as he was just as bad.)
Seeing the rest of the family in, Bilbo was followed to the kitchen as he encouraged everyone to grab a plate. Letting everyone go first, he then filled his own, and then filled Kili’s because, “Really, is that all you’re going to eat? Where is the man I know?”
Everyone sat: Fili next to Kili, Kili next to Bilbo. Across the table, Dis and Thorin ate in silence.
“Kili, dear, pass me another napkin please,” Bilbo asked, reaching a hand out.
“Alright- Fili let go- Ow- Here you are,” Kili passed over the napkin and turned to whack his brother over the head, earning a giggle and a harder smack in return. Bilbo didn’t think it was polite to fight at the dinner table, but thanks to Dis he did not have to say so.
“Enough you two, grow up.”
“You two? Grow up? He keeps hitting me! I am only defending myself.”
“I am only defending myself!” Fili mocked, earning another hard whack across the forehead from Kili.
“Enough!” Dis slammed her fist onto the table, “Do I need to send you to your room at your grown age?” This earned a snort from Bilbo, who quickly played it off by coughing into his napkin.
Rolling his eyes, Kili grunted and turned to Bilbo, desperate for a change of topic, “What’re you thinking about? It’s more interesting over here.”
Taking a large bite of potato, Bilbo shrugged, “Nothing, just how foolish you are,” Bilbo gave an innocent smile before continuing, “Is the food good? Are you enjoying it?” He asked.
Though everyone tried to answer all at once, Bilbo was able to make out a “very good,” “it’s alright,” “you have the best cooking my love,” and that “hmph” of approval was probably all anyone would ever hear from Thorin, which was good enough for him.
Seated on the couch with Dis, Bilbo was deep in conversation and wine while Kili, Fili, and Thorin were getting riled up over a board game on the floor. If Kili had known his mother was showing Bilbo his baby pictures, he probably would have put an end to it, but luckily he believed they were discussing their favorite old-timey records.
“Oh how beautiful. Frame that one, I would put it up right by the front door for everyone to see,” Bilbo mumbled, only for her to hear.
“He was only two in that picture, he used to take my eyeliner and draw on facial hair to look like his father,” Dis whispered, holding her phone to keep it hidden from her kids.
“Oh, how sweet. I would steal my father’s suits and pretend to be a lawyer.. always trying to send my parents to prison for not letting me have sweets until after dinner,” Bilbo whispered back. Dis laid a gentle hand on Bilbo’s shoulder for comfort as Kili crawled over to sit infront of Bilbo.
“What are we whispering about?” Kili whispered— very, very loudly. Oh well, he tried to be secretive at least.
“None of your business,” Bilbo flicked Kili on the forehead, “now move over, I would like to have my leg room back.”
“Nah, I prefer it right here,” Kili replied, stretching out to take up even more space. Dis kicked him when he got too close to her.
“Kili, it’s your turn!” Fili yelled, earning an aggressive Shh! from Dis. Kili only gave them permission to skip his turn, as he was much more interested in his boyfriend’s business.
Dis rolled her eyes, “If you must know, I’m showing him your baby photos.”
“Ma!”
“Dis! That was supposed to be a secret!”
Dis shrugged at Bilbo, “Well, now it’s not. Shall we continue?”
“We shall.” But, Kili was whining out complaints, distracting them from their task and attempting to grab her phone until she kicked him back over to the board game.
Twenty minutes passed, Bilbo experiencing a hundred different emotions at the sight of Kili’s first school dance, his last school dance, “Muffins with Mom,” an eight-year-old Kili fancied up for some distant cousin’s wedding, a ten-year-old Kili holding his first fish. He couldn’t help but stare in awe once his gaze lifted to rest on the actual Kili, not the old photographed Kili. His long brown hair, his beautiful brown eyes, pink lips paired with tan skin and a slightest bit of stubble. A foolish, clever, adorable, caring, and strong man; everything that made up his boyfriend continued to amaze him every single day. Waking up next to him every morning, falling asleep next to him every night, listening in on him reading the silliest bedtime stories to Frodo, watching his face light up at the mere mention of his favorite dessert. Meeting Kili was the best thing that could have happened to Bilbo and he was still wrapping his mind around how someone like him could be so lucky.
His deep thoughts were interrupted by a loud knock at the door, leaving him confused for a moment. Kili looked up, meeting his eyes, “Who’s here?”
“Um, I’m not entirely sure. Let me-“
“No, I should get it,” Bilbo watched as his boyfriend stood up and walked up to their front door, baby photos forgotten, “Oh! Oh Mahal, it’s Frodo!” Kili was quick to open the door and allow Bofur in, who was carrying Frodo in one arm and two large bags in the other.
“Ey, sorry! Would’ve let myself in, but full hands.” Kili took Frodo out of Bofur’s arms, holding him tight before bringing him to the couch and sitting next to Bilbo, kid in his lap.
Bilbo watched Bofur, “What’s all this?”
Frodo squealed, reaching for his uncle, “Mister Bombur made the yummiest cookies! And he got me those cars I wanted!”
Bofur butt in, “Oh yeah, he’s got something for you too, Bee. And you, Kili. Sorry, the rest of ya don’t get anything.”
Kili tilted his head, “I get a gift? Well, let me see!”
Bofur hesitated, shooting Bilbo a worried look, “I’ll just go put it in your bedroom.”
“What? Why? Let me see! What is it?” Kili moved Frodo into Bilbo’s lap and trailed after him, shortly letting out a loud gasp from the bedroom and coming back with a wicked grin.
Oh heavens, Bombur. How bad is it? He looked for answers on Bofur’s face upon his return, but found none. Bofur simply smiled at him and moved his attention to the rest of the family, “Hullo, everyone. I don’t believe I’ve met any of ye! I’m Bofur, Bilbo’s roommate.”
Dis and Thorin both stood, Thorin giving a slight nod towards Bofur as Dis spoke, “Pleasure to meet you. I’ve heard plenty of good things about you from my son and Frodo.”
“Well, that sure is good!” Bilbo looked down to see why Fili wasn’t joining his mother and uncle in polite introduction, only to find the blond staring with shining eyes. He nudged his boyfriend, smirking at the quiet gasp that let him know he wasn’t the only witness to this incredible incident. Eventually, a harsh kick to Fili’s side from his own uncle snapped him out of it and pushed him to rise.
“Fili Durin! Pleasure to meet you!” Kili barely held back a mean laugh at Fili’s sudden energy, but managed to keep quiet with everyone as Bofur responded, confused,
“Pleasure to meet you also, Fili. You’re Kili’s brother, right?”
“Uh huh. Right,” Fili did not blink. A strange awkwardness hung in the air, but Bilbo was quick to get up and drag Bofur to the kitchen. Kili slowly inched closer to his brother with a smile,
“So, Bofur? He’s quite nice, good with kids, absolutely hilarious.” He kept his voice low enough, as to not completely humiliate his brother, but reveled in the red glow that crept up Fili’s neck and face.
Fee only nodded, dazed, “Seems nice.”
—————-
————————
—————————-
Later that night, once his mother was in a deep sleep on the couch and Thorin dozing off at her feet, Fili pulled himself up off the ground and decided to explore. He knew exactly where he’d be going, seeing as Kili and Bilbo asked him to tuck Frodo in and then pointed him in the direction of their own bedroom for emergencies. With those rooms and the bathroom made known to him, there was one door left unopened.
He approached it slowly, careful not to creak any floor boards or breathe too loud, and gently tapped on the door. A moment passed before the door slowly opened to reveal Bofur, in boxers with an extra large shirt and hair tied up in a bun. Hot. He took a moment, trying to think of what to say, but was soon relieved of his task.
Bofur spoke first, “Hello? Your brother’s room is that way, but I’d knock first if I-“
“No, no. I was looking for you. Sorry.”
“Oh, no problemo… What’s up?”
“Well, I wanted to talk?” Perhaps he had one too many glasses of wine, who knows what Bilbo’s drinking these days, but something in him needed to take a risk, “You’re cute.”
“You wanted to talk about me being cute?” Bofur smirked.
“You’re hot. Can I come in?”
He huffed out a laugh, clearly taken aback by the boldness, “Sure, I don’t see why not.”
Fili stepped inside, observing a pile of clothing peeking out from under the bed, but couldn’t be bothered to feel any disgust with the anticipation buzzing through him. He turned to face Bofur, who was now shutting the door with a grin.
“I like your room. It… smells nice.”
Bofur nodded and smiled, “Aren’t you worried about your mom in the other room?”
He shrugged, knowing damn well he was not, but figuring he might be better off reassuring him, “She’s knocked out cold. Dead asleep.”
“Hm.. And, just to be clear, what exactly did you come in here for?”
—————
———————-
—————————-
And Bilbo was not surprised when, that next morning, he went to alert Bofur about breakfast and saw much more of his future brother-in-law than he ever wished to. Kili would not let either of them forget. Ever.