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Rui would be lying if he said he didn't notice the signs. The coughing, the shortness of breath, the way his heart ached when he saw him.
He saw it coming from a mile away.
And yet, he ignored it.
He told himself that ' It was just the cough, ' or he ' just needed to work out more ' and maybe his mom was right, and his lack of vegetables was catching up to him. Maybe he was just not getting enough sleep, maybe it was all in his head.
That was what Rui told himself. Through every practice, every show, every class, he made up some shitty excuse for the way his health was so obviously declining.
He knew it was stupid, that it was dumb to deny it.
But what was he supposed to do?
He had fallen in love with his best friend.
Rui had fallen so helplessly in love with his best friend and aspiring actor, Tsukasa Tenma. A boy who dreamed of being the brightest star in the sky and more.
And yet it was that same love that was going to get Rui killed.
Because despite how much Rui had meant to Tsukasa, his heart had no space to love him. Atleast, not as a lover.
And so, he denied it, everything. He denied his love and shoved it in a box, chucking it away into the deepest depths of his mind.
But now? There was no more denying it.
Because now in his hands laid a handful wisteria petals, beautiful and soft.
Hanahaki, they called it. A disease where flowers started to grow and fill your lungs, taking in your oxygen and nutrients as their own. The flowers would slowly fill your lungs, preventing you from breathing.
The cause, you ask? Unreiquited love.
And as for the cure? It didn't exist. Atleast, not one he knew of.
Rui laughed helplessly at the thought. The very person who helped saved him in the first place, would be the one who caused his death.
Ironic, wasn't it?
But Rui was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard the frantic knocks on the bathroom door.
" Rui! Are you okay? The shows about to start! " Tsukasa called out, his voice filled with care and concern.
Rui let out another cough, crumpling the petals that he held in his hands. " Im fine! " he replied, his voice audibly tired.
A loud sigh came from the other side of the door. " You know we can cancel if you're not feeling up to it, right? " Tsukasa said, his voice much calmer now. " I can't be having my director overwork himself now, can I? " his voice was kinder, more fonder now.
Rui chuckled to himself, his heart couldn't help but flutter at the words despite the way his chest tightened at Tsukasa's voice.
Rui didn't spare a moment before he tossed the crumpled petals into the trash and walked towards the locked door.
Dying or not, he had a show to put on.
The door unlocked with a soft 'click' and Rui was met face to face with Tsukasa.
His eyebrows were creased and Rui could see genuine concern in the boys eyes. His heart sank at the sight, just why did he have to fall in love with him?
" Im fine Tsukasa, really, " Rui said, a comforting smile on his face. Tsukasa nodded hesitantly.
" Now lets go put on that show, okay? " Rui grabbed Tsukasa's hand by the wrist, warm laughter escaped his lips as Rui dragged him off towards the stage.
A few days had passed since the show, and Rui's illness had seemed to remain stagnant throughout. And while it was hard, Rui had managed to keep the truth behind his never-ending cough a secret.
With the help of frequent bathroom breaks and a lot of swallowing back petals, Rui managed to keep his facade up. And Rui hoped, that maybe one day, the flowers in his throat would dissapear.
But it was really all just wishful thinking.
It was near midnight and Rui sat alone on his bed one day, the amount of petals he coughed up increased by the minute. A pool of them had gathered on his floor by now, and Ruis throat had long grown sore.
Tears threatened to fall as he coughed up another handful of purple petals. He watched as those beautiful wisteria petals fell to the floor, no longer having the strength to catch them in his hands.
But he couldn't help but let out a soft gasp when he took a took at his hands.
Blood.
A single tear fell from his eyes. He really was going to die, wasn't he?
He choked back another cry, opting to wiped the blood off with a tissue before he buried himself under the sheets.
After that day, Rui was no longer the same.
The next two days, he spent alone, cooped up in his room aside from the few minutes he'd spend at the dinner table telling his parents that he was okay. Although, it wasn't really convincing when he had to run away and throw up in the toilet only minutes later.
But what could he do?
The flowers never stopped blooming.
Friends texted and called, the groupchat he shared with Emu, Nene and Tsukasa blew up with questions and wishes. Tsukasa had even personally texted and left voicemails for him, and every time Rui heard his voice, he had to hold back a cry and his confession.
By the third day, even Toya and Mizuki had started checking in. Toya had sent him a text asking if he was well and Mizuki had dropped him a voicemail telling him to take better care of himself.
He replied to most of the messages when he had the energy because the last thing he'd want was for them to come and check in on him personally.
He'd tell them that he was fine and that he was simply down with a bad cough. He said that he was taking his meds and sleeping well; that he was making a steady recovery and that he'd be back to school and practice in no time.
But they were really all lies.
The flowers Rui coughed up were slowly getting stained with red, his throat was sore and every breathe felt like glass cutting agaisnt his throat.
But the flowers never stopped.
Minute after minute, hour after hour, the petals kept increasing and so did the blood. It wasn't long till Rui started coughing up whole wisteria flowers, their leaves coming with. And it hurt, it hurt so, so bad.
He couldn't even eat now without throwing up, the flowers jammed almost every part of his throat, it was torture.
Rui soon lost his appetite all together.
And yet, each text, each message and each voicemail of Tsukasa brought him so much joy. Every fiber of his being yearned for the boy, and yet, Rui knew they were fated to never fall in love.
Because the only reason Rui was dying, is because Tsukasa wasn't capable of loving him back.
By the fourth day all Rui did was limp from his bed to the toilet whenever he felt like he was about to cough, which was almost every passing minute. It would be easier that way, he figured.
Rui no longer had to energy to toss the never-ending stream of petals dyed red and blood stained tissues into the trash. And in his misery, he had decided flushing everything down each time would be easier to handle.
It was around evening when he started to feel his vision begin to give in. He no longer had the energy to choke back his tears or hold back his cough. Wisteria flowers freely fell from his mouth as he coughed.
Rui could only smile weakly as he stared at the wisteria flowers on the floor.
" Wisteria flowers... huh? " Rui mumbled, a weak chuckle slipping through his dry and cracked lips. " How fitting.. "
Ever since the first petal fell from his lips, Rui had never stopped to think about the flowers that grew in his lungs. Because while wisterias were beautiful, they also carried a specific meaning: devotion.
Because if Rui was anything, he was devoted to making Tsukasa's dream a reality alongside his, he was devoted to Tsukasa and all that kindness he held in his heart.
That was the last thought that crossed Rui's mind before his vision faded to black.
.
.
.
Tsukasa ran his fingers through his hair as he knocked on the door to the Kamishiro residence.
Rui hadn't been answering his text or calls since last night, and not just from him. He hadn't replied to anyone. Nene, Emu, Toya and even Mizuki. This was bad.
Really bad.
The door swung open and Tsukasa was met with the sight of Rui's mom.
" Oh Tsukasa! Are you here for Rui? " The lady said, ushering Tsukasa into the house.
Tsukasa nodded, and the lady let out a small sigh.
" We've been asking him to let us in but he locked the door, " She said, closing the door behind them. " Please, talk some sense into him– you're the only one who knows how to, " Ms. Kamishiro shook her head, her yellow eyes filled with concern.
Tsukasa nodded once more, his grip on the strap of this schoolbag tightened.
" I'll try my best Ms. Kamishiro..., " Tsukasa replied, already making his way to Ruis room.
Tsukasa knocked on the door to Ruis room, " Rui, can you let me in? " he asked, his voice laced with fear.
Something was wrong.
" Rui? Wonderlands x Showtime can't hold any shows if their director goes out of comission! " Tsukasa knocked harder on the door, he was near banging agaisnt it at this point.
No reply.
Tsukasa shook his head, he had to go in.
The blond rummaged through his bag, pulling out a small key Rui had simply gifted him awhile back.
Shoving it into the keyhole, Tsukasa quickly unlocked the door.
The sight of Rui's room made Tsukasa's heart drop.
He wasn't just 'sick'.
Tissues and purple wisteria flowers littered the whole room, some were even stained with blood.
Rui had hanahaki.
But he was nowhere in sight.
" Rui! " Tsukasa called out, tears threatened to fall.
Then, something caught his eye.
The cracked open door to the bathroom.
Tsukasa had never ran so fast, " Rui... please, please... " he muttered under his breath before swinging open the door to the bathroom.
The muffled thump of a schoolbag could be heard.
" No, no, no... Rui.. " Tsukasa muttered, dropping to his knees.
Rui was out cold on the floor, bloodied wisteria flowers scattered around him.
His lips were red with blood, and his skin was as white as a sheet. Tsukasa shook his head, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes.
Rui couldn't die. No way, not in a thousand years.
Tsukasa still needed him. He was his best...
It was him, wasn't it?
All the signs were there.
The way Rui looked at him, the way he spoke when they were alone.
All the times they held hands, hugged, and stayed up late together.
It was so obvious.
Tears gathered at the corners of his eyes as Tsukasa picked Rui up.
" Im sorry I didn't realize earlier... " Tsukasa muttered a quiet apology as tears fell from his eyes.
He was so blinded by his thoughts and goals, he never realized or noticed Ruis feelings.
Or did he?
Because what Tsukasa was feeling now felt awfully like how the fear of losing the person you loved most would feel like.
" Im sorry... Rui.. " Tsukasa muttered another apology, tears were now falling down his cheeks as he ran, Rui's body limp in his arms.
" Please... don't leave me.. "
.
.
.
A week passed by as Rui remained in the hospital, his body limp and his eyes still closed shut.
But Tsukasa stayed by his side.
He spent his days and even nights besides Rui, holding his hand and praying that he'll wake up. Even if Rui no longer loved him, all Tsukasa wanted now was for Rui to open his eyes and speak in his voice.
Another week almost passed before Rui cracked open his eyes, bright white lights blinding his vision just as he did.
And It was quiet, the smell of sterile air filled his nostrils.
Was he... at the hospital?
His eyes eventually adjusted to the bright light as he slowly propped himself up in the bed he was in.
His mind was foggy and his throat hurt like hell. Drips of all sorts were attached to him, and the sound of a beeping heart monitor was heard.
Rui rubbed his eyes as he looked around the room. Memories from before he passed out coming back to him all at once.
Thats right...
He had hanahaki.
But just as the thought crossed his mind, the sight of a young boy fast asleep by his side filled his vision.
The boy seemed exhausted, it was as if he hadn't slept in days. His head was propped up against the steel bed frame and his blond, almost peach hair was unusually disheveled and messy.
" Tsukasa...? " Rui muttered the boys name softly, his throat throbbing with pain.
Tsukasa immediately woke up at the sound of Rui's voice, his eyes widened at the sight of the other boy.
" Rui! A-are you okay? " Tsukasa asked, hurriedly wiping away whatever remain of sleep he had left in his eyes.
Rui nodded slowly.
" Tsukasa, Im— " Rui began to speak, but was quickly cut off by Tsukasa; who shook his head and placed his index finger on Ruis lips.
" You've been getting better, Rui. " Tsukasa informed him, a smile on his face and a light layer of blush covered his cheeks.
" You know what that means, right? " Tsukasa muttered softly, looking back up at Rui. Rui could feel his own cheeks heat up.
Slowly, Tsukasa grabbed Rui's hands in his. He brought them to his chest and held them tight.
" I love you, Rui. "
Tsukasa confessed, his orange eyes staring right back into golden yellow ones.
Rui didn't know what to say.
But Tsukasa continued nonetheless.
" Im sorry, I- I was so blind. " Tsukasa whispered, his eyes tearing up. " I was blinded by my own goals and It took you almost dying to realize how you felt and notice how I felt, " he said, holding so tightly onto Ruis hands, treating him as if he would fly away if he let go.
Rui didn't know the words to reply.
So he smiled, leaning in to press a soft kiss on Tsukasa's lips.
It was nothing like how Rui had wanted to, or imagined their first kiss to be like.
And he wasn't going to say that he was willing to go through everything all over again just to experience it one more time.
Because as they pulled apart, tears trickled down Tsukasa's face, and a thought crossed Ruis mind.
Would they even be here if Rui had just leaned into that small belief he always held? Would flowers have had to grow in his lungs if he had just confessed to Tsukasa back when he was healthy?
Maybe so.
But they were here now, and as much as Rui wanted to redo the past, he really couldn't.
But Tsukasa had loved him all along, even if himself didn't know. And to Rui, just knowing that was enough to bring Rui a sort of warmth that couldn't be replicated.
Tsukasa stared back at Rui as he quickly wiped the tears off his face.
" Ah... I don't even know why Im crying— you were the one who– "
This time, it was Rui's turn to shut Tsukasa up.
Cupping Tsukasa's cheeks, Rui pulled the boy in for another kiss.
This one lasted longer, the two boys holding onto each other as if letting go would cost the world.
But when they finally parted, Rui could only sigh as he wiped the tears that fell from Tsukasa's eyes.
" You don't know how long Ive been waiting to do that, " Rui said, his soft laughter filling the space between them.
Tsukasa could only look at Rui with an expression almost akin to bewilderment on his face.
Because how?
How did Rui find it in himself to love him again after everything he had to go through just because Tsukasa was to blind to notice either of their feelings?
Rui smiled, " I love you, Tsukasa. " he said. As if him being in a hospital bed wasn't enough to prove the fact.
" And while theres so many things I regret not doing before... all of this, " Rui looked around, gesturing to the room they were in, a sheepish smile on his face.
" We're here, together and alive, " this time, Rui used both his hands to cup Tsukasa's cheeks.
They both leaned in, and their foreheads touched, purple and yellow hair rubbing agaisnt each other, warm breaths mixing together.
" And thats all that matters to me. "