Like my mirror, years ago

by isa_beth

Summary:

After regaining their memories from their past lives as Odysseus and Penelope, Annabeth and Percy have been adjusting. There are so many complicated things about the situation, like being able to recognise people from who they used to be without them even knowing who they were. Annabeth was as okay as she could be.

Percy had been struggling.

He wouldn't talk with her about it. But maybe he just needed a little reminder that their love was greater and stronger than anything that could get between them.

Notes:

Hello! This work is part of a series, but I think it probably works as a stand-alone.

For those of you who had read the last word: hi! I'm sorry it took me almost a year to write again. For some reason, college always give me a writing block and I just can get back into writing when the term is done lmao.

Hope you all enjoy! I had so much fun exploring the Clarisse/Achilles bits. I took inspiration from Song of Achilles (from Madeline Miller) but decided not to tag cause it probably works for anyone who have read the Iliad or just know their story.

Ever since Percy and Annabeth regained their memories from their past lives, things had been different. Not worse, necessarily, but different. 

Their bond, always strong, seemed to have straightened even more. Everyone assumed the reason they wouldn't leave each other's side after the second war was because their time at Tartarus, which wasn't untrue, but… it was not the whole truth.

They now knew they have loved each other for 3000 thousands of years and had a deep certainly written in their bones: they would love each other for 3000 years beyond. 

That had been comforting for Annabeth. Her loyal wife, her brave boyfriend. What would she even do without him? 

Regaining her memories also resulted in a more present mother in hers and her siblings lives after an emotional conversation in which Athena recognised her as Odysseus.

Annabeth was functioning as a living reminder of an old promise. The goddess was still bonded to her own father’s rules, of course. Yet, Athena did what she said she would do: find loopholes. In the last two weeks, she showed up in each of her children's dreams twice. She left gifts for them. Annabeth, herself, received a new magical desktop. To be honest, the old king of Ithaca thought the last part might be a little overdoing, but she wasn't going to complain. 

Sometimes, she would catch sight of a big, gracious owl near the Camp’s forest and smile. 

Another thing brought up by their new memories was that both Annabeth and Percy thought a lot about gender roles and gender identity. Annabeth was fine being a woman, really, but the memories of being a man gave some sort of clarity about how these sorts of things are not a given and how gender could be a more flexible concept that most people would think.

Percy, though, confessed he wasn't sure he felt entirely comfortable with being perceived as a man. He wasn't sure of anything yet and instructed her to continue to refer to him with masculine pronouns for now, but warned her that this could maybe change in the future. Annabeth was completely fine by that, and reassured him that she would love Percy regardless if he was her boyfriend, her girlfriend or her partner. 

Bisexuality was something that followed her in both her lives, after all. Odysseus had shared his first kiss with Polites, having a juvenile adventure with him before he met Penelope, although those feelings had faded away when they got older. Also, during the war, he had shared some pleasure with Diomedes, since he knew Penelope wouldn't mind as she told him to “enjoy the company of men if he was feeling needy during the war”, only asking him to refrain from doing it with other women. 

In return, Odysseus told her to enjoy the company of women as well. 

Those particular memories were a little weird to retain, as Annabeth and Percy were exclusive in their relationship. But, well, other times and the knowledge of a war that would keep them apart (plus an unfortunate ridiculous long journey home that they didn't know would keep them apart for even longer), so things were pretty different back then.

Odysseus hadn't slept with any man except Diomedes during the war, though. Diomedes was the only one that interested him enough to. 

Those memories were also weird to hold, as Annabeth. The obscene acts Odysseus had practised with both Penelope and Diomedes were a little mortifying to think about to the part of her that was a virgin teenage girl. 

Regardless, yes, she wouldn't care if her boyfriend wasn't a man at all. 

What she did care, though, was that Percy didn't seem okay recently.

He had so many nightmares every night and barely slept, the bags underneath his eyes a proof of his suffering. Annabeth had nightmares too, Tartarus was not a pleasant experience to either of them. But Percy’s nightmares were bad. Things weren't like that back in the Argos II, but as soon as the war was over and they were back to Camp, he started to scream so loudly when he fell asleep that his nightmares would wake up other campers in the Ares’s cabin and the only current resident of Zeus’s, the two closest of Poseidon's. 

The worst of all was that she had to find out about this from Jason, who shared his concerns with her. Annabeth could see her boyfriend was having trouble sleeping from the bags underneath his eyes, of course, but he didn't tell her the depth of his night suffering. Their friend had to tell her how bad it actually was, how sometimes he would wake to Percy’s screams. 

Clarisse, surprisingly, was acting gracious in relation to the situation, keeping her siblings in check so they wouldn't gossip (or at least wouldn't gossip too much, since it was impossible to truly control gossip in Camp Half-blood) about Percy. She was also keeping an eye on any possible cruel words they could say to him. However, the latter endeavour was unnecessary. Despite any past rivalry, Ares’s cabin now respected Percy enough to not be a dick about it.

They still weren't happy with being woken up at night, though. 

Clarisse, one day when she caught Annabeth between Camp’s activities, expressed the feeling pretty clearly to the daughter of Athena:

“So, Annabeth, I don't mean to be an ass, but your boyfriend needs to put his shit together.” 

She didn't even say hi.

Annabeth almost rolled her eyes. Not with what was being said, but how Clarisse was saying it. She already had that direct attitude as Achilles, which would clash sometimes with Odysseus’s tendencies to bullshit people with words. 

Wasn't that another can of worms? The fact that she looked at the daughter of Ares and instinctively knew she used to be the Aristos Achaion in another life? Also, instinctively knowing her soulmate, her Patroclus… Silena, died in pretty similar ways in both lives?

It was haunting. Annabeth was glad Clarisse didn't remember any of it, cause she might as well lose her sanity. 

She wouldn't focus on that now, though. Neither would she roll her eyes. Clarisse seemed genuine, so Annabeth responded with no malice intended, although very tiredly: 

“He won't talk to me. I don't know what to do.”

Clarisse crossed her arms. Annabeth, for a moment, saw her as a blonde, strong and effeminate man with the same posture. She immediately tossed the thought away. Not the time. Absolutely not the time. 

“Well, maybe he needs an intervention.”

Annabeth crossed her arms as well, thoughtful, mimicking Clarisse’s posture.

“Sure. What do you suggest to do, exactly? I’m not pushing him into doing stuff he's not comfortable with yet.”

“Maybe talking with Chiron? We have a responsible adult at the Camp, you know.”

“Oh yeah, ‘cause Chiron is well known for his tactful and sensible side”, replied Annabeth with sarcasm.

Clarisse took a deep breath, almost like she needed to remind herself she was not there to fight Annabeth and they were both at the same side. Annabeth could relate, really. Clarisse was never as hostile to her as she was to Percy (at least not in this life), but the other girl often got on her nerves. 

“He cares, you know, Chiron”, Clarisse pointed out. Annabeth nodded. She was aware he did. “Even if he can be insensible sometimes. If Percy needs to go home sooner than the end of the summer, even if it means not helping with the after war fixing… I’m sure that could be arranged.”

Annabeth sighed. She knew that. She suspected Chiron could help with other stuff, also. In all his years, he must have encountered heroes who were reincarnations of others. Probably not heroes who remembered their last lives, but still. He could probably help. And Percy… definitely needed some help.

“You’re right,” Annabeth conceded, unwillingly. Ever since learning Clarisse used to be Achilles, the other girl started to annoy her even more than before. Odysseus actually didn't hate Achilles, quite the opposite, he begrudgingly cared about the man, but gods, he could be so damn annoying. 

“As usual,” Clarisse responded, playfully smiling.

“Don't push it,” Annabeth rolled her eyes in response. “I’ll try to talk to him, alright? See if he's willing to talk with Chiron. But I can't force him to do anything.”

“Well, if anyone can convince Prissy to do anything, it's you,” Clarisse said, smirking. 

“Don't call him that.” Annabeth glared. 

“Go talk to him.” Clarisse ignored her, turning around and walking away.

Damn her. Damn her and her arrogance, which followed her both her lives. 

Annabeth sighed. She was glad Clarisse was okay without Silena, at least. Or okay-ish. Despite acting normal, Annabeth could tell the daughter of Ares was still grieving. Fortunately, though, her current life seemed to have teached her healthier ways of grieving, ways that didn't involve becoming completely mad. She seemed happy with Chris, as well. Annabeth knew, though, that he would never truly be the other half of her soul. It was fortunate Clarisse herself wasn't aware of that.                           

---

 

Annabeth knocked on the door of Poseidon’s cabin after dinner, not caring that she would be breaking the rules of being alone with another camper at his cabin. She was pretty sure Chiron would turn a blind eye if he heard of it, so she wasn't very concerned.

Hesitantly, Percy opened his door.

He was tired. He was so clearly tired. The bags underneath his eyes looked even more prominent than they did yesterday, and he seemed a little pale. 

He smiled when he saw her, though.

“Hey, Seaweed Brain,” she greeted, softly. “May I come in?”

“Well… I guess you're not technically allowed. But who cares?” He shrugged, letting her pass. 

She smiled and closed the door behind her as she entered the cabin. Annabeth proceeded to gently and quickly kiss Percy. She could feel his smile touching her lips as they parted. It made her feel bad, knowing that she would bring up a difficult topic and probably wash his smile from his face. 

She conducted him to his bed, so they could be more comfortable during their conversation. Percy must have noticed she came there for something serious because of her silence, as he looked apprehensive. 

“I’m sorry to bring it up like this,” Annabeth began to say, carefully, watching her boyfriend’s reaction. “But we really need to talk about what's going on. You’re not okay. People are noticing, and are worrying. Jason told me about the nightmares… He’s concerned. I am too.”

Percy averted her gaze. 

“I don't know what to say,” he murmured.

“Penelope,” Annabeth responded, firmly, yet loving. That instantly caught Percy’s attention. They only called each other their past lives names when the conversation got serious, personal, emotional. “Talk to me. There's nothing, absolutely nothing, that can pull me away, remember?” 

“Are you sure?” Percy whispered, embracing his knees. 

“What are you on about? Of course I am sure.” Annabeth felt confused. After everything they went through both of their lives, wasn't it clear?"

“You were scared, though.” His voice was frail. “You were scared of me.”

Oh. He was thinking of Akhlys. 

“Hey, no, look at me,” she said, gently grabbing his face. He did, his eyes big, lovely and afraid. “I wasn't scared of you. I was scared for you.” 

“I… why?” He asked, bewildered. 

“You were so bitter. So angry. I was afraid you would lose yourself. Like Luke. Like I lost myself, when I was Odysseus. Because I love you and I don't wish it on you. But I would never be scared of you.” 

Percy lowered his head. 

“The older I get, the more I feel like I understand him.” He didn't say Luke’s name, maybe once in his live afraid some god might be listening. “And… I get why you were ruthless back then. But you changed, you got more compassionate. I thought… I don't know, after everything, you wouldn't want someone stuck in those old ways.”

“Oh, Penelope.” Annabeth grabbed his chin, making him look at her. “First of all, you're not stuck in those old ways. Yes, you did torture a goddess. But you stopped. It was a moment of desperation in which you weren't thinking clearly. It is different from calculated, planned ruthlessness." 

“I guess,” Percy responded. He seemed sad.

“Also,” Annabeth continued. “I would want you in any shape or form. How can you doubt it? You once told me not to say I’m not the same person. That applies to you as well. You’re always mine.” 

“Even if I became the monster?” Percy laughed, humourless.

“You’re not a monster, Perseus Jackson,” Annabeth said, seriously. “But if you were? You would be my monster. I could disagree with your actions, but you would still be mine. As I am yours.” 

Percy nodded, blinking away tears. He hugged her. 

“You’re right. Thank you, Ody.” 

Annabeth held him closer.

“No need to thank me. I love you, you know.”

“I know. I love you too.”

"Will you accept help, then? I honestly think we should talk with Chiron. Maybe ask for a break from Camp."

Percy hesitated for a moment before agreeing:

"Yeah. Let's talk to him."

Notes:

Would you guys like to have something focused on Clarisse/Silena as reincarnated Achilles/Patroclus as part of these series? I must confess, I started writing this for Percabeth/Odypen, but became a little too invested in those two.

Hope the characterization felt realistic. It was a little difficult to balance Annabeth and Percy being both themselves and Odysseus and Penelope, since despite their similarities, there're differences in morals and even vocabulary.

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 2 of There's something tragic about you