Chapter Text
Session Zero:
“‘Do you have any last words? Any kin to whom I might return your severed head?’ the mercenary captain asks as he raises his sword. You can still faintly make out the faded black and green insignia on the weapon’s hilt.”
Mark’s voice was tired and sad. Even his body posture changed when he got into character like this.
‘Do….do you know…’ Shaun began, overdramatically grabbing his chest, ‘...do you know Jo?’
“The captain frowns for a moment and then asks, ‘Josephine? Why do you speak her na-’”
Oh no, he’s about to walk into this one…
‘Joe Mama!’ Shaun interrupts, a proud grin on his face even as most of the table groaned.
“Ahh, c’moon! We’ve been trying to find this guy all campaign, he killed your brother! Is that really all you wanna say to him?!” I complained to Shaun. Tim got a weird look in his eye and started looking through his character sheet again.
My complaints didn’t do much to sour Shaun’s mood but Mark’s reaction hit closer to home. Our GM just looked down and rolled a few dice before declaring, “The joke doesn’t translate well into Parcivian and he doesn’t understand. He gives you a pitying look as he assumes by your clothes you’re one of the barbarians from the north whose minds are ravaged by the intoxicating substances they use to enter into frenzies before battles.”
Shaun grumbled back to me, “Yeah, I guess that wasn’t as funny a reaction as I was hoping it’d be…”
Before Mark can continue with the description of the captain beheading Shaun’s character Tim spoke up, “Hold on! If someone’s distracted moving through caltrops they have disadvantage on dex saves right?”
Mark nodded, “Sure, that's in the rules.”
Tim continued, “And back when Lin’s character was going through that guilt arc you had her roll at disadvantage for wisdom saves right? Since her mind was still wrestling with all that emotional stuff right?”
Mark knew better than to try and rush Tim to his real question, so he nodded again, “It was a reasonable extension of the rules.”
Tim licked his lips, “So if the captain guy’s having to try and make sense of all that, and I cast a spell right then, he’d roll at disadvantage on Int saves right?”
Mark paused to consider for a moment before nodding again, “Alright, yeah. That’s reasonable. What spell do you want to cast?”
Tim turned his character sheet over and pointed at one spell in particular, “Feral Frenzy. It’ll make him choose his targets randomly from-”
Now that he saw all the pieces Mark finally took the chance to interrupt, raising a hand and then pointing at something on the sheet. “You broke your focus overcharging your spell in the first fight, remember? Now you need somatic components but your hands are bound.”
Tim considered for a moment before collapsing back into his seat, “Shit.”
Mark turned to me, “Is there anything Willow would want to do?”
Shaun turned in his chair and said, “Oo! Yeah, yeah! Go steal the crown we need while they’re not looking. You can just get us rezzed back in town with the cash.”
I considered and then shook my head, “Everyone agreed to the duel. Willow wouldn’t try to cheat them when they could’ve just killed us when they found us.”
I looked down, “Sorry guys, I think this is it. I really messed up the negotiations…”
Tim rifled through the pages of notes attached to his character sheet, not wanting to go down just yet.
Shaun just shrugged, “Eh, it’s whatever. My build was kinda boring anyway. We had a good run. Heh. Hey, remember the goat cave?”
He put his hands on his head to look like horns and dropped into a British accent, ‘Son, all I wanna know is where’s the dang cat gone?!’
The memory sent a wave of giggles through the table. Even Mark broke character to snicker behind his GM screen.
When we all finally calmed down Mark slipped back into character and described how the captain executed Shaun’s barbarian. Tim’s wizard tried to slip into the phylactery he was making but, since it wasn’t complete, his soul would be stuck in the pendant, haunting it for years to come.
As for Willow, my elven fencer…
“...since you didn’t try to renege on the deal the captain tells his men not to harm you. However, you know too much for them to let you go. So Willow is essentially enslaved, forced to cook dishes, clean the camp, tend to the animals and the like in order to earn her keep.”
I shift in my seat for a moment, thinking of Willow. She was an elven noblewoman who was raised in the capital. I even bought the magical tent because she hated the idea of dirt and grime.
She’d probably prefer…
“Uhm…” I interrupted.
Mark paused to glance at me.
“We found this camp from a rumor we heard at one of the brothels right? Henrietta told us that the soldier types were some of their best customers,” I began.
Mark nodded. Tim and Shaun looked like they saw where this was going and were actively trying not to look too excited about it.
“What if…I mean instead of doing manual labor I think Willow would prefer earning her keep by…”
I stuttered on my words. My breath was getting a bit too fast. Just under the table and out of sight my thighs were rubbing needily together. I imagined Willow offering herself to the mercenary camp. I imagined the men pawing at her while they drank and celebrated another victory…dressing her up like an elven slave…letting out their frustrations by bending her over after a long march…
She wouldn’t even have a tent of her own since every day the captain would reward another one of his soldiers by letting them take me, uhm, her for the night.
I shook my head. That wasn’t right for Willow either. She’d only let herself get used by commoners if they forced themselves on her. Even if these mercs were more noble than most, that was just because…
“Ah!” I said excitedly, making the table flinch away from me, “The Captain used to be Parcivian nobility right? Can Willow try to seduce him so that he’ll take her on as a concubine instead of a camp slave?”
I started imagining the ways she could appeal to him. “He obviously had a problem with the nobility trying to impose rules on him so I’d have to show him I could be submissive and follow his lead. Maybe…”
Mark shook his head before I could get into any of the fun details. I didn’t notice at the time but Tim and Shaun were more disappointed about that than their own character’s bad ends.
“Sorry, just won’t work. I like the idea and I’d give you roleplay credit for remembering Henrietta but Willow has the Frigid Nobility drawback, remember? You can’t initiate seduction attempts, even with other nobility, unless you’re properly courted first.”
I joined the guys in grumbling about my character choices. Mark continued describing the epilogue. He took us through the places we’d visited and how they’d change because of our choices, the people who would mourn us, the stories that would survive…
Even Tim and Shaun were totally sucked in by the end and when we all clicked glasses together to toast the end of another campaign everyone had grins on their faces as we talked about our favorite moments.
Still, I couldn’t help but look forward to Mark’s next campaign and everything I’d do differently.
I want my next character to be more…flexible.
The guys go around seducing barmaids all the time so it wouldn’t be weird if I lived a little more vicariously this time. They wouldn’t mind, right?
When the campaign did roll around I would be right that the guys wouldn’t mind my character being a lot more sensual than Willow was. But I wouldn’t be living out my fantasies vicariously by the time the campaign ended.