Poker Night: Four Lunatics and a Bat (Who is Also a Lunatic)

by Quantum86

Summary:

What do a detective, coffee cup, parahuman, troll, and bat have in common? More than you might expect.
Come spectate strange discussions between the world's wisest travelers as they bond over a relaxing game of Texas Hold'em.
Features unique work skins for each POV, which are quite stylish if I do say so myself.
Feel free to use the skin(s) yourself, which can be found here.

Chapter 1: The Lieutenant

ELEVATOR – The floor vibrates beneath you and hoist cables creak from above. As the elevator descends, you can see through the lattice... door... thing-

ENCYCLOPEDIA – Bostwick gate.

ELEVATOR – -through the Bostwick gate a two-story hall, a room with an aesthetic somewhere between a modern warehouse and an old library.

CONCEPTUALIZATION – If you were an interior designer, "Moralist Coffee-house" is the name you would give this style.

YOU – "Where are we?"

ELEVATOR – The elevator is taking you into the heart of The Inventory.

ENCYCLOPEDIA [Medium: Success] – Established in 1919 by one Dixon Kent, "The Inventory" was a response to an early draft of the 18th amendment which would have outlawed games of chance and other methods of gambling. To this day, the club remains a closely guarded secret of its members. A place for them to relax and take a break after a long day.

VOLITION – And we have certainly had a long day.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY – Booze, drugs, and gambling. This is our ELEMENT.

DRAMA – The elevator gates open; the gladiator enters the arena. Your opponents turn to face you, yet you remain unshaken. The stage is yours.

COMPOSURE [Medium: Failure] – You are quite shaken, actually. Who ARE these people?

PERCEPTION [Easy: Success] – Before you are four figures seated around a poker table. At its head is a creature of short stature hidden within a brown cowl, with luminescent yellow eyes that peer at you from underneath the hood. The space under the cowl is darker than it should be, as if void itself resided within. Given where it is seated, this must be the dealer. The back is considerably hunched, like it tried to curl up into a ball and never recovered.

VISUAL CALCULUS – Such a posture is not possible for a human of standard proportions. It is either immensely deformed or perhaps… Not human at all.

PERCEPTION – On the left side of the table sits a woman with asymmetrical horns poking out from long, black hair, her gray skin barely reflecting light from the dim lamps above. Despite her alien appearance, the clothing is quite mundane: A dark gray jacket and jeans, red sneakers with white laces. She looks at you with eight pupils and a sneer on her face.

HALF–LIGHT – The hunter stalks her prey.

PERCEPTION – Next to her is an ordinary blonde woman with grandiose attire. Golden armor adorns her, angular yet sleek, with light that dances across every piece when she moves. Sharp spikes protect her knuckles and shoulders, and an equally sharp crown would protect her head, if she was wearing it.

CONCEPTUALIZATION – The armor was crafted with passion and intent. Why would one weaken that by wearing it over a black hoodie and jeans?

PERCEPTION – Lastly, we have…

ENCYCLOPEDIA [Trivial: Success] – That is a coffee cup.

PERCEPTION – Right. It is also perched atop what is, ostensibly, a humanoid body.

COMPOSURE – It’s smiling at us. Why is it smiling at us.

SHIVERS – Lifeless red eyes stare at you. Into you. For a moment, she sees you, and you see her. A thousand stories are exchanged. Stories of joy, fear, hope, desperation. Because of her, cities burn, STARS burn.

SHIVERS – She blinks, and you forget it all.

CONCEPTUALIZATION – The bowtie is a nice touch. A pleasant pastel blue to complement the plaid sweatervest.

HOODED FIGURE – "Yes, yes, our newestcomer has arrived!" The dealer announces. The voice is high pitched, but restrained. It sounds like it doesn’t speak often. "Come, sit, join us."

YOU – You approach the table, ignoring your competitors sizing you up. It is the traditional punishment of the last arrival to weather the gaze of everyone else present, but you manage to take a seat at the rightmost stool without tripping.

HOODED FIGURE – "Shall we introduce ourselves? The others fraternized in your absence, but formal prolegomenons are in order before we commenceforth."

ENCYCLOPEDIA – Prolegomenons? Oh, this is going to be miserable.

MARQUISE(?) – The gray woman is clearly eager to go first, and begins speaking immediately. "Yes! I am the great Marquise Spinneret Mindfang," she shouts. "Gam8lignant of the high seas, slayer of kings, savior of worlds."

HOODED FIGURE – "Gamblignant!" It hums with excitement. "A splendiferous mouth–noise to make, I will cherish it."

REACTION SPEED – The woman next to her flinches when she says "Marquise."

DRAMA – You don’t need me to tell you that name is made–up.

1. Accept the introduction.
2. [Drama 9] Call out the lie.
3. "A marquise? To the guillotine with you!"
4. Pledge fielty to the marquise.

YOU – Call out the lie.

   CHECK SUCCESS

1. "That is obviously fake, what’s your real name?"

YOU – "That is obviously fake, what’s your real name?"

VRISKA – She slumps back on the stool. "Vriska Serket, Thief of Light."

HOODED FIGURE – "Light? Not surface light, certainly. Illegal to steal, illegal to possess light, very illegal to steal light." It shakes its head in disappointment.

AUTHORITY – A thief? Not on YOUR watch. Apprehend her! Perhaps you will win favor with the dealer.

1. Arrest the thief.
2. Do nothing.

YOU – Do nothing.

ANTARES – "I’m Antares," the woman in gold says. "Though you may know me better as Glory Girl, or Victoria Dallon. Brute 5, Master 2, Mover 4. And a huge cape nerd," she says with a smile.

LOGIC – A classification system, interesting. Without points of comparison, we can only assume she is better at being a brute than moving or mastering. What she moves or masters is unknown.

COFFEE CUP – "A cape nerd," the coffee cup echoes. "I’ve heard of hat nerds, maybe shoe nerds. Never capes."

ANTARES – "Not the capes you wear. Well I guess they are, but it's also slang for parahumans. Powered individuals."

YOU – "Superpowers?"

ANTARES – The woman shrugs. "Never heard someone call them that before, but that sounds right."

VRISKA – "Aha, a superhero! Just like Troll Superman."

ANTARES – She raises an eyebrow but says nothing, instead turning to the coffee cup.

LATTA – The coffee cup takes that as her cue. "Latta Spice–"

ANTARES – She stifles a laugh.

LATTA – "–Captain of the S.S. Hermes, a Mercury–class vessel, and head of the third successful mission to reach Fortuna. I wished for a more interesting life and was sent… here."

VRISKA – "Fortuna, huh? Some sort of 8ig treasure? Maybe I’ll set sail for it after this!"

LATTA – She shakes her head, and a single drop of coffee spills over the side of the cup like a tear. "I wouldn’t tell my worst enemy to go search for that god–blessed thing." After a moment of awkward silence, she turns to you.

SAVOIR FAIRE – It’s your time to shine, superstar.

AUTHORITY – You are in the presence of powerful figures. No weakness, show them who’s boss.

YOU – You clear your throat. "I’m–"

1. "Harry Du Bois."
2. "Lieutenant Double–Yefreitor Harrier Du Bois, RCM."
3. "The king of disco."
4. "Tequila Sunset."

YOU – "Lieutenant Double–Yefreitor Harrier Du Bois, RCM."

PAGES – "Ohoho, a member of the constabulary! How delightful. An intrepidacious move, entering a speakeasy like this, but not unheard of." The thing makes a clicking noise. "And what an ungracious host I would be if I didn’t introduce myself, also! You may call me Mr. Pages, a Master of the Bazaar and the finest literator in the Fifth City. I would much rather a game of The Marvelous, but have been assured that ‘Texas Holdem’ is equally peramene."

ENCYCLOPEDIA – It is intolerable how it continues to litter its speech with these vocabsurdities… Oh, damnation.

ESPRIT DE CORPS – They are all amenable to a having a cop with them, despite the nature of this place. Other than the Serket woman who isn’t fond of anyone, it would seem.

VRISKA – "Come on, let’s start already. Tick tock, time is dead kids!" She drums the edge of the table with both sets of fingers.

PAGES – "Pushy! Very pushy. I assurmise you all know how to play, yes?" It does not wait for an answer. "Excellent, we start at my left, and continue deasil."

THE TABLE – It is time for round one.

YOU – Being to the left of the dealer, you post the small blind.

THE TABLE – The chips are inscribed with only a number, no indicator of currency. They were at the table when you arrived, you can only assume you are within your rights to relenquish them. Latta adds the big blind to the pot.

PAGES – It sends cards flying at each player with a clawed hand. Despite its recklessness, none of the cards reveal themselves in transit.

YOU – You receive the Ace of Clubs and Eight of Hearts.

LOGIC [Easy: Success] – Atrocious. You have a six point two percent chance of winning.

ELETROCHEMISTRY – ALL IN!

PERCEPTION [Hard: Success] – Right there! The blonde frowned at her cards. Stay alert and we may discover the others' tells.

THE TABLE – Victoria and Vriska both call. Mr. Pages looks at you expectantly.

1. "Fold."
2. "Call."
3. Raise the bet.
4. "All in."

YOU – "Call."

PERCEPTION – Feel free to zone out. We're going to hear this word a lot, and it won't mean anything most of the time. Probably.

THE TABLE – Latta checks. The flop is the Three and Four of Diamonds, and Eight of Clubs. You and Latta check, Victoria folds.

VRISKA – "Hah, weakling! See, I 8et my girl Latta knows how to REALLY play, right?" She raises.

THE TABLE – Four of Spades.

SAVOIR FAIRE – As the saying goes, know when to fold them.

YOU – "Fold."

VRISKA – The woman tsks at you in disappointment, then stares down Latta.

THE TABLE – Latta raises, Vriska calls. The Five of Hearts is placed. They both check.

ANTARES – "A showdown. Already." She grumbles. "One of you's going to bust very soon, and frankly it's unnerving that I don't know who."

THE TABLE – Latta has a pair of kings, Vriska has a full house. Vriska wins the hand.

VRISKA – "Hahaha, yes! 8ask in my glory!"

SUGGESTION [Medium: Failure] – Really though, how does she pronounce those eights?

LATTA – "Well that strategy didn't work." Her pupils rotate slightly to accentuate her frown.

ANTARES – "What IS your strategy?"

LATTA – "I follow my gut. Also, sometimes the voices tell me to do something, and I do it."

1. "You too? I was worried that was just a me thing."
2. "Hah, that must suck. Thankfully, I've NEVER had voices in my head."
3. "So, we gonna take bets who goes insane first?"

YOU – "You too? I was worried that was just a me thing."

VRISKA – "Same here, it's a real pain in the nook. I, however, have the power to shake them off. Perks of 8eing a 8lue8lood. You got any voices, Vicky?"

ANTARES – "From time to time. Masters suck. Uh, not you, Pages. You seem like a nice... You seem nice."

PAGES – It nods in acknowledgement.

LATTA – "Unfortunately kuppas as a species are very weak against mind control." She looks at Victoria. "Didn't you say you were a 'Master'? 'Master 2,' I recall." She frowns. "If that's your word for mind control, I can't say that puts me at ease."

VRISKA – The woman bears a grin that reveals sharp fangs.

ANTARES – "Not mind control per se. It's an... aura, if you will. It used to just be awe and fear, but now I can tap into the full range of emotions. Like so-"

LATTA – "Wow, that's incredible!"

EMPATHY – Agreed, that was very impressive.

VRISKA – "Hey! Don't try and pull that shit on me!"

PAGES – It mutters something about devils but is otherwise unimpressed.

VRISKA – "Whatever, enough talk, let's go!"

THE TABLE – Round two.

THE TABLE – The blinds are posted, and Mr. Pages deals. Vriska calls.

YOU – You receive the Three and Seven of Clubs.

LOGIC [Easy: Success] – A twenty-one percent chance. We can work with this.

ELETROCHEMISTRY – ALL IN!

LOGIC – Will somebody shut him up?

1. "Fold."
2. "Call."
3. Raise the bet.
4. "All in."

YOU – Raise the bet.

LATTA – She sighs. "Call."

THE TABLE – Victoria and Vriska call. The flop is the Two of Clubs, King of Spades, and Nine of Diamonds. Latta checks. A raise and a call follow.

LOGIC – Sixteen percent.

YOU – "Call."

ENDURANCE – That's right, just keep calling. You'll be an expert in no time.

THE TABLE – Latta calls. The turn is the Queen of Clubs. Vriska folds.

ANTARES – "I'm surprised, I was expecting more aggressive play from you."

VRISKA – "I've got enough people trying to psychoanalyze me, you 8etter not start too."

COMPOSURE – Take a moment. Breathe. Consider your options.

EMPATHY – Coffee cup appears genuine in her disappointment. The blonde is more difficult to read. Is she overly cautious, and this is how she plays when confident?

ENCYCLOPEDIA [Medium: Success] – The only possibilities are pairs or a flush. The former are unlikely to win, and the latter is unlikely to happen.

LOGIC [Godly: Success] – Twenty-two percent chance the river completes the flush. This is highly inadvisable.

INLAND EMPIRE – Believe in the Heart of the Cards!

1. "Fold."
2. "Check."
3. Raise the bet.
4. "All in."

YOU – Raise the bet.

ENCYCLOPEDIA – I am surrounded by morons.

THE TABLE – Latta calls, Victoria calls. The river is the Ten of Clubs.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY – YES! Take that, bookworm!

ENCYCLOPEDIA – ...

DRAMA – A brilliant play, milord, but do not gloat. Try to make them add more to the pot, THEN claim victory.

YOU – "Check."

THE TABLE – Two checks follow.

THE TABLE – Latta has Two Pair, Victoria has a Straight. Your Flush wins the hand.

LATTA – "Bless it!"

ANTARES – "Dammit!"

VRISKA – "Hah! Well done, Harry. You might 8e less of a wriggler than I thought."

PAGES – "A spectacular round indeed. Now, if you will pardon me a moment, I must visit the ablutionblock."

VRISKA – "Holy shit finally, someone else who uses the right term!"

YOU – "The what?"

ANTARES – Victoria shakes her head. "I gave up trying to understand the vocabulary an hour ago."

Notes:

Welcome to the greatest Texas Hold'em tournament you've ever seen.
Truly I have no idea what caused the spark behind this, but once my mind threw the cast together I realized I couldn't possibly NOT write it.
Do enjoy your time here, and feel free to complain if I messed up the game rules/order/cards. I DID play poker online against three clones of myself to confirm this worked, but it's possible there are discrepancies.