Work Text:
Queen Sphene (the Not Eternal) had had a good three years, all in all. Alexandria was flourishing with Tural as a close ally, and countries from both Source and shards were eagerly engaging in diplomacy with them (she was delighted that Burmecia still had that nice cake she loved). The Warrior of Light had yet again succeeded in stopping some world(s)-ending catastrophe, more and more Alexandrians were ending their use of regulators or recovering their memories of their loved ones, and everyone in the kingdom still liked her even after she'd come out. Perhaps too much sometimes—she had had to tactfully tell people to donate to charity instead of filling her official mailbox with pride merchandise and love letters—but they had good hearts and were heading towards a bright future. All was well.
Except her heart would not stop doing flip-flops around Wuk Lamat. Or her eyes stop looking at her biceps, and her face flushing whenever her staunch ally said something even vaguely nice about her. It was like that time back in Old Alexandria when a particularly burly lady knight (whose name escaped her now) had come from the edge of the kingdom to report on Lindblum's movements. Sphene had suppressed every ounce of attraction toward her as she had given her report, and then once the woman had finished up she'd smiled. And Sphene's entire body, even through the stiffness and pain of her sickness, had been filled with delight and untoward thoughts. Except this time it was every day, there was no pain to distract her, and everyone knew she was attracted to women.
She was quite thoroughly fucked. She winced thinking of the word, even though it was a bit thrilling to use it in her head. And out loud, quietly, in her room as she contemplated the depths in which she was trapped. She did not want to linger on those emotions any more than the ones she was already lingering on, and she did not want to think of other ways that word could be used in regards to herself and a particularly tall and handsome head of state.
Oh, she was down bad, as modern Alexandrians would say, and she had no idea what to do with it. She contemplated asking Gossan, who had gone through the trials and tribulations of Gay Romance, to advise her. It's not like he didn't know, given the tactful questions he had been asking lately. ("Your Majesty, the Vow of Resolve's visit is going quite well, is it not? I happen to know she has a gap in her schedule after her meeting at the Outskirts tomorrow. Perhaps you'd like me to schedule a private dinner for you both afterwards, since you've had so little personal time to be together so far?") But well, she honestly wanted to talk to another woman. And unfortunately, the only other queer woman she knew well enough who was currently available (Shale was vacationing with her girlfriend in Tuliyollal) was the Warrior of Light.
"Yeah, Sphene, what's up?" The Au Ra looked at her as she casually threw her axe in the air and caught it, before grinning. "You need me to beat up some bad guy? Been kinda boring since dealing with the Withering, you know." She did know, because the Warrior had been going around complaining to every head of state she knew about it. Jullus, the new Consul of the Republic of Garlemald, had even sent her a warning after Iyazoi had visited them. Apparently, she was going to be loud, annoying, fight a lot of monsters outside, and then try to drag everyone into a drinking contest.
Sphene really hoped that this wouldn't result in a drinking contest, or a drinking anything else. But she had to be brave.
"Iyazoi, I know that you have….er, how do you….?" Her voice trailed off. Godsdammit. (When had she started swearing so much internally?) "I mean…"
The Raen flipped her axe again. "Is this about W—" She stopped and grinned. "Naw, you have to say it. More fun that way."
Sphene had never wanted to strangle someone more, and once again she wondered where this…vulgarity was coming from. Is this what she was, freed of levin sickness and influenced by a drunken, obnoxious world hero? Worryingly, she thought that wasn't quite it.
She steeled herself again. "I need—I need help with Wuk Lamat."
"Help with what? Her nameday is half a year away, just so you know." The axe flipped in the air again.
She did. It was marked in her calendar. "How do you—howdoyoucourtanotherwoman?"
"Say 'hey, you're hot, wanna come over to my place'?"
Sphene's hands twitched.
"Whoa there, Queenie, just messing with you, don't attack me." The axe was mercifully set down. "Look, I'll be straight, Lamaty'i would actually appreciate honesty. You know what kinda gal she is. But I'm guessing that isn't easy for ya, so the ol' Warrior of Light is here to serve."
The Au Ra sat down on the bench in the courtyard they were occupying, thunking her axe between her legs. "First, she's into you, no doubt about it. But she feels guilty about it, which is why she hasn't said anything to you. Otherwise you'd have a bedroom full of flowers and a date set for the wedding already."
Sphene flushed ("wedding"?) but then frowned. "Guilty? But why—" Oh. Oh. "Because of the Eternal. But I know she doesn't think of her as me. We've talked so much and she's just—she doesn't treat me like I'm on some pedestal, you know. She even listens to me when I ramble on about classical music and fine literature and—"
"I know, and you know, but she worries sick about it. She told me."
"Wait, she told you—Iyazoi Kasanui, are you saying she told you this in confidence, and now you're telling me?" Why was the twitch in her hands back.
"Yup. Because you two are idiots who need to get a room already." She was going to punch the Warrior in her—
"I mean it, you're so keyed up and frustrated that you're about to throttle me. Damn, have you even tried to take the edge off?"
"Oh for the love of—Yes, I have, and no, I have no idea how this works and for the love of every god on this planet tell me what to do!" A second passed, and then Sphene put her head in her hands. Here rests Queen Sphene Alexandros XIV, dead of mortifying embarrassment.
"You tell her you like her, want to go out with her, and that you know she doesn't think you're a robotic version of yourself. It really is that simple. I'm not kidding." The Warrior of Light actually looked…serious. Like she believed it would actually work.
"But—"
"No buts. Do you realize how much shit you've done, both as Queen Sphene and as just you? Some random kid in Tuliyollal came up to me like, six months ago, and said he was really sorry but he knew I'd gone everywhere, so had I ever seen 'an Alexandrian lady with green-brown hair and a short yellow jacket', then showed me a drawing of you. Said you'd inspired him to keep working on his art when you actually sat down at his caricature stand, even though all the portraits he had on display sucked and no one had come to get drawn since he'd set up two weeks before."
She remembered him. His art was, indeed, not the best, but she'd seen the look on his face as he'd sketched in the park next to his hung drawings. Defeated and not even paying attention, like he didn't expect anything. So she'd sat down and asked how much, and the Mamool Ja's face had lit up.
She still had the drawing, framed and set on the wall of her bedroom. Seeing a caricature of herself every morning (that wasn't in a political cartoon) was a touch of whimsy she hadn't known she'd needed in her life.
"You changed his life, and you were just a random stranger to him. He didn't know who you were until I told him. Which reminds me." Iyazoi suddenly shuffled through her armor, before pulling out a piece of paper that was surprisingly intact given its storage place. "Here's a new drawing from him."
"Thank you!" the drawing said on the bottom. It was another caricature of her, certainly better than before, in what she assumed was royal attire. It certainly wasn't accurate to Alexandria, looking like a mishmash of Eorzean and Turali formal clothes with some sharp, metallic pieces on top. But it was, like the first drawing, absolutely delightful (even if she didn't think her hair was quite that gravity-defying).
"Next time you're in Tuliyollal, tell him I loved the new drawing. Er, if you can find him, that is."
"I can find him. And yeah, see? If you can do amazing shit without even thinking, you can tell Lamaty'i you like her." Iyazoi nodded with a certainty Sphene envied.
"I—I'll try."
"No, you'll do."
Sphene was starting to actually believe it.
But first, the Warrior of Light needed a lecture.
"—Do not reveal the contents of private conversations, even if you think it will help people. Do you realize how much of a betrayal of someone's trust that is, even if you're trying to help? And—"
—
Sphene had Gossan schedule that dinner. And also a hunting excursion and bar crawl for the Warrior of Light.
And now here she was in a small dining room attached to her quarters. In front of Lamaty'i, trying so hard not to flush and stare and collapse into a wordless pile of dust. There was a wonderful steak entrée on their plates (appetizers had come and gone, and any light and meaningless chatter with them), but she was just pushing the side vegetables around.
"Lamaty'i—"
"Sphene—"
"No, er, you can go first."
"But—it's fine, you can go first."
Oh shit. This was it. And she was still swearing in her head all the time.
"Lamaty'i, I—" She put the fork and knife down. How do you even fucking do this? Iyazoi said it was simple, but this was not simple. Sphene took a shuddering breath, and surprised herself.
"I know you don't think I'm Queen Sphene the Eternal, Lamaty'i. I really, really know you don't. Computers don't ramble about books that are hundreds of years old, or talk your head off about government organization, or drop tacos on the floor of a restaurant and then fall down on top of them, or—or anything I do as a messy human being. And you, you put up with that, you're so kind, all the time. Even when you're in Tuliyollal, and I annoy you with stupid messages on a pocket com I foisted on you. And, and that makes me feel—"
She took another shuddering breath, and looked at Lamaty'i. Her mouth was hung open, like she couldn't even conceive of what she was hearing. For a moment, Sphene dreaded that Iyazoi might be mistaken.
But she pressed on.
"It makes me feel happy. So much. I like you so much, Wuk Lamat. Not as a friend. I like you so, so much, and I know this is messy because well, we're the heads of state of entirely different countries, but I want to be with you. I want to be with you as long as you'll have me."
Wuk Lamat was still staring, and Sphene was worried she was broken.
"You like me?"
"Yes." Her voice was tiny.
"You like me."
Sphene nodded.
Wuk Lamat stood up. Oh gods she stood up, and she's going to leave because I'm an idiot and—
She paced, her head low. "I was terrified. When I realized I liked you. I thought that I was clinging to—to her. To the Eternal Queen Sphene, and that I was just trying to make you into her. And I—I didn't want that. You're you, you're Sphene, and you don't deserve me using you as a replacement. And I'm scared, so scared, that I still am. I'm terrible at so many things—I need Koana to do anything that involves thinking, and I'm still so naive, and every day I worry that I'm not doing the best I can as a leader, and as—as your friend."
Sphene tried to remember that Lamaty'i wasn't done talking. That she might not just be a friend.
"But you—you said you liked me, too. And if I can't answer bravery than bravery, what kind of Vow of Resolve would I be? What kind of person? I don't want to throw your heart away just because I'm scared." She finally stopped and looked up at Sphene.
"I like you, too. And I want to be with you."
Sphene was not quite sure what happened, only that she was on her feet and tugging Lamaty'i down and was an ilm from her face before she realized she had no idea how to kiss someone, much less someone with a muzzle.
So Lamaty'i showed her.
Sphene clung to her, greedy, her fingernails catching on Wuk Lamati's clothes. A whimper rose from her throat, and Lamaty'i wasn't even using her tongue yet. Also, she was pulling away, which was unacceptable.
"Sphene, let's not go too fast."
"But—why?" Her voice was so whiny. When did she become this needy? Four hundred years ago, when they assigned the nurses around the clock and you couldn't even touch your collarbone without them knowing.
"You're new to this, remember? You told me after you came out you'd never been with anyone."
"I am, but Lamaty'i, I've wanted it so much for so long."
"I don't want to push you." Oh gods, that means she wants it, doesn't she?
"But you aren't. Lamaty'i, I don't—if you don't want to, then I wouldn't want to. But if you do—" Sphene looked up at her, and closed her eyes. Regardless of whether she was going to be kissed, or they were going to stop, she was going to need to breathe and calm down.
Well, that plan turned out to be a bust, because now Lamaty'i's tongue was rubbing against her lips, and she opened up and she couldn't even breathe anymore. Her heart was going to explode from pure joy and overwhelming lust.
Lamaty'i's tongue was a little rough
—a cat's but softer—but Sphene liked it that way. It ignited flames inside her as their tongues slipped together, and she shuddered when the slight tinge of tongue was followed by a soft, low moan from Wuk Lamat. The other woman's hands were at her waist and running up her spine and Sphene suddenly regretted picking a simple, modest dress instead of that backless gown in the back of her closet.
Oh, but she didn't regret what Lamaty'i was wearing, not at all, as her greedy hands slid across the naked fur at her midriff. She was so soft, everywhere, and Sphene was seized with a violent need to run her hands through every patch of hair on Wuk Lamat's body. So she did on every place she could, carding her nails on the Xbr'aal woman's back and hair and delts and biceps, squeezing them for full measure.
Sphene could feel a soft thrum enter her mouth—somewhere between a purr and a growl—and she felt her heart melt. Lamaty'i felt good because of her, comfortable, even as her hands fumbled in their eagerness to touch.
"Does it feel good? Is this okay?" Lamaty'i had done the unacceptable again and pulled away, but Sphene forgave her because the other woman's consideration made her heart melt all over again.
"Yes, yes. Please, Lamaty'i." What was she asking for? She didn't know but she did, she did, she remembered how her mouth had watered when she'd finally, blissfully seen another woman spread her legs, the light of the screen shining the image into her retinas. How she'd touched herself then for the first time in six and four hundred years, her legs shaking and her breaths shuddering. How she'd touched herself last week, looking at a video simply titled "Princess Garnet Gets Laid". She had thought of suing them for a single microsecond before her brain turned to mush watching a lithe, pale-skinned brunette being pinned down by a tall Xbr'aal woman with light brown fur. Her legs had shaken even harder that time.
And her legs were shaking again, but Lamaty'i, gentle Lamaty'i, slid her hands down and gripped her waist and hoisted her into a carry with Sphene's trembling legs around her waist.
"I want to take you to bed, Sphene. Can I?" Lamaty'i's breath ghosted her ear and Sphene answered with a shudder and a tiny, breathless "yes". And Lamaty'i pushed the door to Sphene's room open with her foot, carrying her like she was precious. Sphene realized she must be, because Lamaty'i was telling her how beautiful she was and Lamaty'i would never lie to her.
She was laid down on the bed so gently, like glass, and then Lamaty'i looked at her before leaning down and kissing her again. Softly, her muzzle brushing barely against Sphene's lips.
And it broke her.
"Please, I love you, Lamaty'i! Fuck me, I need it, I need your fingers inside me and you on top of me and oh gods, please, I need you to love me and fuck me and never stop. Please, please, I need you, take me, take me." Sphene realized, belatedly, that tears were running down her face and that she was babbling like she was mad and that she'd told Lamaty'i she loved her.
Lamaty'i wiped her tears from her eyes so tenderly it hurt, even as Sphene begged, and then she was on top of her and whispering "I love you" and "I'll give you everything" and "you're the most beautiful woman in all the worlds". Sphene's babbling faded to whimpers as Lamaty'i removed her own clothing, and then when the other woman gently tugged at the dress she had put on she went limp. She felt like she was floating as Lamaty'i removed her clothing piece by piece, kissing under each one she removed.
Lamaty'i was pulling off her panties and kissing just under her bellybutton, and Sphene felt her whole body snap to attention. Fuck, yes, Lamaty'i. Kiss me and lick my clit and tell me how much you love me and make me cum. She wanted to scream her thoughts, but her moans were already stuck in her throat, and she could do nothing but let them out. Loud, ungainly, high and messy and undignified.
She'd never been loud. She'd always had to hide it back in the old days, and she had kept up the habit even now. Shame had silenced her, but she had lost all shame. She had begun losing it, she realized, the moment she had woken up in the modern day. Being gay, swearing in her head, anger, vulgar thoughts and desperate fucking of herself on her own fingers. The things she had suppressed to be queen.
And she was still queen, despite them, and Lamaty'i was still here and loved her and was circling her clit with a single finger as she kissed her thighs. "You're gorgeous, I can't believe I get to do this, Sphene. The queen of my heart."
Sphene managed to croak words out. "Call–call me that again."
"Queen of my heart, my love."
"The–the first bit." For a moment, Sphene felt shame again. What am I doing? She's not my subject, she's a ruler in her—
"My Queen." But it wasn't a submission, no. It was an acknowledgement. They were equal and flawed and yet they lead anyway, and Sphene was finally okay. Until Lamaty'i replaced her finger with her tongue.
The Queen wailed and begged as the Vow of Resolve took her clit into her mouth, her rough and gentle tongue lighting fire in her body. The Vow of Resolve slid a finger inside the Queen's pussy, then another as the Queen begged for it, the Vow's tongue pushing back the hood of her clit so she could suckle on the engorged bud.
The Queen's legs shook harder than they ever had, and then she came. "Oh gods, yes, yes, Lamaty'i fuck me, fuck me, I'm cumming oh gods don't stop suck my clit, suck it, fuckfuckfuck cumming–" She could feel her cunt crushing around Lamaty'i's thick fingers over and over, and she realized in the haze of screams and moans that she'd do anything to feel Lamaty'i's cunt do the same around hers.
"Sphene." How long had she been here? Lamaty'i was above her, wiping her own face, and Sphene reached up and kissed her. Her own taste made her tongue frantic, and when she whined at Lamaty'i pulling away there suddenly were fingers in her mouth full of that heady flavor. Sphene ran her fingers through her lover's fur again, over and over, grabbing her firm ass and raking over the hard muscle hidden just under the skin of her belly.
"You like how that tastes?" Oh, so Lamaty'i did talk dirty sometimes. Sphene whimpered and nodded, before pulling off her fingers slightly. "I feel so–so wanton. Like a pervert. But I–" Her breath shuddered again, and she slid her own hand down, down to where Lamaty'i's fur became skin. "–I like it, it feels so good, you feel so good, I need to fuck you, Lamaty'i, please. I want to rub your clit and pump my fingers in your pussy and feel you wet and tight around me." She kissed Lamaty'i's fingers, then wrapped her mouth around them again, whimpering at the remnants of her taste.
"Then do it, Sphene. Show me how my Queen fucks the woman she loves." And Sphene slid her fingers down, into hot heat, and stopped.
Sphene was so ready, but she had no idea what to do. It had felt so good she had forgotten that she had zero experience touching another woman.
But the Queen was allowed flaws. She was. "How–tell me how to do it, Lamaty'i? Please?"
Lamaty'i gripped her wrist, guiding her in circling her clit with a finger. "I like it gentle at first, just to start. And then two fingers—no, three, for you—just slow. Nice and steady while you keep circling with your thumb, but after a minute you can start speeding up and being rougher. It doesn't need to be too fast, I don't want your wrist to ache after. Rub my clit directly and keep moving your fingers and I'll cum."
"Alright." Nice and gentle circles, all for Lamaty'i, who had been so gentle with her until Sphene had begged for roughness. She mindlessly scooped up the wetness from Lamaty'i's entrance, just like she did when she was touching herself, before circling her clit again. She was rewarded with a deep moan, and Lamaty'i bending over her and telling her "you're doing so good" as their breasts pressed together. Why was Sphene whimpering when she wasn't the one getting touched? Her stiff nipples brushed against Lamaty'i's, and the whimpering and moaning only increased in volume.
When Sphene's fingers slid inside Lamaty'i she couldn't believe it. She'd felt herself, of course, but Lamaty'i was so, so—oh, she wanted three, yes, oh gods that's even tighter. "Fuck, Lamaty'i." "Yeah?" "You're so tight—wet." "For you, all for you." Sphene's thumb went to Lamaty'i's clit, and she circled it and felt that soft growl-purr against her neck again. Whimpers in response. Sphene pumped her fingers slowly in and out of Lamaty'i's pussy as she circled and was rewarded with a new sound: a growl-purr-moan.
And fingers sliding against her again, pressing at her entrance, and Sphene couldn't help but let her love inside. Lamaty'i was mirroring Sphene's hand, and the queen thought she would go insane if they sped up. But she did, because Lamaty'i was worth madness.
"Lamaty'i, Lamaty'i, I—wanna make you feel good, wanna feel you cum, need it."
"My queen, so good to me, such a hard worker." Oh, fuck, she knew, she knew.
"Lamaty'i, good—you're so good, so, so—only you. No one else but you, just you—you do so much f–for me." She had to tell her, tell her it was both of them. "So good, you work so h–hard, oh fuck…so hard." It was so hard right now, fast, she knew Lamaty'i didn't want her wrist to ache but she didn't care, she wanted it to, wanted to remember in the morning.
"My queen, my good girl, my love—"
"Lamaty'i, yes, I love you, you're so good, so kind, take me—"
"—you're so gorgeous, beautiful, you're the best queen your country could ever have—"
"—I want you to break me and drive me insane and you do it so gently, so gently, you're so gentle and sweet and you protect everyone in Tural—"
"—so close, s–so close!" The growl-purr-moan surrounded Sphene, she couldn't get away, she didn't want to, she wanted to fill Lamaty'i and be full of her until she couldn't anymore.
Lamaty'i came first, and Sphene wailed for it, tears pricking. She'd made the woman she loved cum, her pussy was pulsing around her and her clit warm and throbbing against her thumb and Lamaty'i let out those wonderful noises when she felt the same thing from the woman below her.
Tears pricked at Sphene's eyes, and this time Lamaty'i kissed them away.
—
An advantage to being a queen, Sphene supposed, was sometimes she could do whatever the hell she wanted, damn the consequences, and you know what? It'd be okay, because hey, what was her power for but inviting the woman she loved to dinner, confessing, getting fucked into the bed for hours, and then waking up to a fuzzy lump that had stolen half the bedsheets.
Lamaty'i was very cute when she slept, almost cat-like, but cats didn't make her soak the sheets. And then steal them. Sphene giggled and decided the next use of her queenly power was making an extra wide and long bedsheet so half could be stolen without issue.
And then she tried to sit up, and her back flared into agony. She grit her teeth, not to silence herself, but because she couldn't do anything else. Her wrist and hips were crackling inside, her back like a million needles.
She was an idiot. She was an idiot and forgot how weak she really was, how easy it was to mess up. And now she was paying for it.
The last time it had been this bad was when Iyazoi had dragged her on their second adventure, a tour of the First of all places ("Gaia, Ryne, meet the Queen of Alexandria. Get in the Skyslipper, we need to take a photograph of her next to your gay crystal."). It turned out that doing strenuous exercise while being extremely emotional—a.k.a running around looking at how beautiful everything was in the newly restored Empty for four hours, just after weeping for an hour from Gaia and Ryne's story about how they got together—was not good for her aetheric balance. And she'd done it again, despite knowing what triggered it, because she hadn't cared to remember. Because she had been selfish.
Wuk Lamat was up and looking at her with despair, and Sphene's eyes leaked tears to match Wuk Lamat's own. The other woman scrambled out of the bed, and Sphene heard the door slam against the wall and shouting.
And then a dressed Wuk Lamat came and sat back down, held her hand, and dried her tears. But this time, all Sphene could do was feel ashamed, and cry even more.
The Royal Physician came in with a porxie and immediately began treatment, asking questions of Wuk Lamat.
"When did this begin, do you know?"
"I'm not sure. I woke up to a thump, and she was like this already. I think maybe it had just happened?"
"Has she been exposed to excessive lightning aether? Or done anything strenuous?"
Wuk Lamat scratched her face and looked rather sheepish.
"Ah. That would be the answer. Her Majesty's levin sickness is largely controlled, but emotionally intense moments combined with exercise can cause flare ups. It happens to around a quarter of people with the disease."
Sphene didn't want Wuk Lamat to hear this. It was her fault, her stupid disease. Wuk Lamat hadn't done anything wrong, it was all her and her foolishness in forgetting. And, well—to have her know. To know how weak Sphene was. She had never told her about what happened on the First, just all the happy moments around it. The moments that didn't make people look at her with pity.
She closed her eyes despite the tears. She couldn't bear to see just how Wuk Lamat looked at her.
It was perhaps fifteen minutes before she could actually move, and thirty minutes before she was allowed to, with a strict warning to "avoid sexual intercourse of more than two hours, unless preventative treatment is given within a week beforehand". And then, the Royal Physician and Wuk Lamat helped her to sit up and put on a simple nightgown.
"You are to stay in bed for the day, Your Majesty. And Vow Wuk Lamat, no funny business. None. Do you—"
"S'n't…h'r fault…was…s'h'ppy…I..f'rgot…" Sphene's voice was miniscule, rough and tiny. But she couldn't let this happen.
"Oh. My apologies, Vow Wuk Lamat."
"Don't worry about it." Wuk Lamat shook her head. "I should have thought about it. Asked if it would be okay with her levin sickness. You're doing your job, and I'm glad Sphene has such good people at her side."
Sphene tried to raise her voice again, but her vocal cords refused to move in tandem.
"Thank you for your kind words, Vow of Resolve. Your Majesty, your necessary treatment is over, but I can continue longer to reduce any symptoms. It will take perhaps three hours, given last night's exertion. And of course, we may call for a nurse for your care, should you wish."
Sphene shook her head twice. Staying still for porxie treatment was terribly long and boring when you hadn't just woken up from a several hundred years stasis. And a nurse—she just couldn't stand it, not today.
"Very well, Your Majesty. Vow Wuk Lamat, on Her Majesty's bedside table is a small remote." The Royal Physician pointed past Sphene to the table next to her. "Tap the button twice if I am needed for a non-urgent matter, three for one urgent but not life-threatening, and four times for a life-threatening emergency."
"Got it. I'll make sure she has everything she needs today."
"Thank you, Vow Wuk Lamat. I'm sure it'll keep Her Majesty in high spirits. Breakfast shall be served shortly. Please help Her Majesty with eating should need be." The Royal Physician bowed, her head hung low in a way Sphene certainly didn't deserve, before silently parting. Leaving her alone with Wuk Lamat.
Shit. Why had she said no to the nurse?
"I'm here for you, Sphene." No, no, she didn't deserve—
Wuk Lamat's fingers were wiping her tears again, and she was saying she was sorry and Sphene's stupid fucking throat wouldn't cooperate. She hated it, it was back to the bedrest and the nurses and the godsdamn meetings with everyone crowded in her bedroom. It was back to when she couldn't do anything, couldn't feel anything, couldn't stop her subjects from dying and being stuck in a shitty dome.
"'ms'rry…m'terr'bl…p'sashit…"
"No, you are not."
"y's…'m…"
"No."
"y'cnt…'m—"
"I love you. I love Sphene Alexandros, Queen of Alexandria, a 'messy human being'. I don't love a perfect robot, remember?"
"b't…"
"No buts."
Sphene cried, and she didn't know whether of sadness, happiness, or something else. And Lamaty'i wiped her tears, and also her snot with a handkerchief.
–
Breakfast was indeed served shortly, and Lamaty'i did indeed have to help her. Her toast was cut, her glass of water held, and she got a chaste kiss for dessert.
Sphene tried to pick up a book from her side table, but was still terribly uncoordinated. Lamaty'i picked it up, and after finding her bookmark, started reading I Want to Be Your Canary out loud to her. She was very good at being a one-woman play, Sphene thought.
After an hour, Gossan finally emerged, which was surprisingly late after what had occurred. Until Sphene thought back and realized that Gossan's voice had been among the earlier shouting. He had left her alone with Lamaty'i, because he had understood instinctively that it had been what she needed. She had been very right to claim him as her personal advisor over making him Prime Minister.
(Besides, the PM was elected nowadays anyway. She had signed the very law declaring so last year, along with the formation of a parliament).
"I have your daily briefing, Your Majesty. A short one, today, just the necessities."
Sphene weakly tried to protest that a longer one was perfectly fine, but then Gossan gave her a look that reminded her of her father chastising her to an absurd degree. He didn't even have children, how was he so good at that?
Lamaty'i nodded at the man approvingly, and he began.
—
The Warrior of Light stumbled in much later. She was about to shout, "Hey, Queenie, blew out your back, yeah? Least you had fun doing it!"
Then she realized that Sphene was weeping quietly into Lamaty'i's shoulder, and silently backed out of the room.
—
Sphene had started to feel better, despite everything, as Lamaty'i cuddled next to her and dutifully read her books, indulged in idle chatter, and kissed the top of her head at least 500 times.
And then she had realized she was feeling better, and that she didn't deserve it, she didn't—
And Lamaty'i was holding her and stroking her hair as Sphene ruined her fur with her tears. They were like that for gods knows how long.
"I'm…s'rry…Lamaty'i."
"I know." Lamaty'i kissed the top of her head. "And it's okay, and you have nothing to apologize about."
"But…I forgot."
Lamaty'i exhaled, and Sphene could feel the shifting of her chest. "People forget. I forgot to ask you about your levin sickness."
"You…'poligized to Dr. Kiehls…for that."
Another kiss atop her head. "Alright, but that's all you're apologizing for. Nothing else."
Sphene wanted to nod, but she couldn't. She had to talk, even if it hurt.
"D'dn't want you…t' see me like this. 't's…terrible. Hate it."
Lamaty'i, kind Lamaty'i, waited for her.
"C'n't move…hurts…you get looked at. People…forget you're people, not the illness…You're jus' sick, 'n' you…I d'n't get a–a life. Just a bed. Just pity. Fucking…hate it."
She gulped, and then Lamaty'i helped her drink a glass of water.
"And this time, did 't t' myself…. forgot. Feel like…a shit person. Shit queen."
"You're not, you know that, right?"
Sphene shook her head.
"You know how much stuff Koana tells me that I don't get? And it's stuff about Tural, things that are important to our people and our country, and I don't get them. And I know he's the Vow of Reason for, well, a reason. But I feel terrible. Like I'm that naive girl back in the competition for the throne, who knew nothing about the people she was going to rule."
"But you, you know so much. I've seen your desk, and you do everything, probably too many things. And you're just as kind as people say I am, and just as smart as Koana, and everyone adores you. Gulool Ja can't stop talking about when you're going to visit next, and every time you come to Tuliyollal I hear people at the market discussing 'that nice Alexandrian lady'. And then someone says, 'oh, that's their queen', and everyone nods and says 'wow, Vow Wuk Lamat got an even better catch than we thought.'"
Sphene blushed. She hadn't realized she was quite that obvious with Lamaty'i. But, there was one part of all that she couldn't stand by.
"You…are that k'nd…and you're…n't…naive. You rule well. D'dn't I…I…said 't last night." And Sphene blushed again, remembering.
"Oh, yeah. You did." Lamaty'i scratched her own chin and when Sphene looked up she could tell the fur there was a tad darker than usual.
"So…believe me."
"Only if you believe me."
Sphene let out a weak, happy laugh. Of course she had to believe the woman she loved.
—
The Warrior of Light carefully put her horn against the door. Lamaty'i and Sphene seemed to be talking quietly, with an occasional laugh.
So she kicked the door in and immediately resumed her Top Grade Warrior of Light "Plan for Congratulating Your Friends for Finally Doing It (Also I'm Sorry It Made Your Nerves Freak Out)".
"Hey, Queenie, blew out your back, yeah? Least you had fun doing it!"
Sphene looked right at her, and her mouth slowly cracked open. "F'ck you, Iyazoi."
"Holy shit, I thought yesterday was just because you needed to get laid. But you're here swearing like you're from Limsa! Even Merlwyb doesn't talk like that, and she rules the place, like damn."
Lamaty'i briefly looked down at Sphene, and realized that if she said anything, it would immediately be filed under "people treating me like a pitiful wet dog because I'm sick". The other woman had a look on her face.
"'m allowed to swear, Iyazoi. It's actually…n't like I want to all the time…but it's actually…pretty fucking great."
"Hell yeah it is! Wait, does this new and improved Sphene want to do a drinking contest when she's better, because it's like a thousand times more awesome when everyone doesn't give a fuck and says whatever—"
Okay, now Lamaty'i needed to say something.
"Iyazoi, could you let Sphene speak?"
"Oh, yeah. Queenie?"
Sphene let out a sigh. "I do not want…to do a drinking contest…you axe-wielding maniac. Gods, how d'd you save…the world so many times..."
"Because I'm an axe-wielding maniac who never gives up. And you know what? I'm glad you're getting your anger out somewhere, because last time I saw you yell was at Calyx, and that was just after you woke up. Be like me, let your anger out every day so you don't snap at your wonderful, heroic friend who got you and the love of your life together."
Sphene looked right at Lamaty'i, kissed her on the cheek, and then said. "Thank you, Iyazoi…And Lamaty'i, she tol' me…about the conversations you two had…about me."
Lamaty'i kissed her beloved on the head, ran to the door, and it was too late because the Warrior of Light was ducking into a closing elevator at the far end of the hallway.
(Iyazoi made the mistake, several weeks later, of stopping in Tuliyollal to pick up some great mezcal before leaving Tural.)
—
Sphene did like swearing, honestly. Though, as she had told Iyazoi, not all the time, or even most of the time. Certainly not in public, certainly not around most people, but with Lamaty'i she let the words flow even when they were crude. And especially when they were very crude. And even though she didn't want to around Gossan, she was glad he overlooked the time she'd tripped on nothing and yelled, "Gods fucking shit dammit".
She allowed herself some grace, and despite the embarrassment and boredom, she'd even plucked up the courage to have her doctor give her extra porxie treatments every time she knew Lamaty'i was coming to Alexandria. It was mortifying, but it was a good mortifying, however weird that seemed.
And well, being queen really was pretty good. It was nice to be able to drag her lover into top-tier Arcadion seats, and restaurants booked for months, and even into an axe-throwing place that one time. (Sphene was not the best at it, but holy shit was Lamaty'i amazing at it.) Even if the paparazzi had picked up the scent of love and were following them like vermin underfoot. It turns out having a "rabid Wukene fanbase" (as termed online) had its perks, like random pride flags accidentally being dropped on top of photographers and crowds that coincidentally blocked the line of sight of telephoto lenses.
She let herself think the angry and frustrated thoughts more, nowadays. Not to revel in them, but because Iyazoi was right, for all her annoyances. Allowing herself to actually feel the anger and pain let it wash away, instead of building up into a big pile of frustrations. She even bitched about what was bugging her sometimes to Lamaty'i (and a few times to Gossan, though in less uncouth terms).
But now, they were in Tuliyollal, and she wasn't angry or in pain or unhappy at all. She was walking hand in hand with Lamaty'i, and her heart sang. People called out to them, not to interrupt, but just to let them know the happiness was shared. "Vow Wuk Lamat, Queen Sphene, hope you're having a great day!" "When's the royal wedding, huh?! Congrats!" "Be well, you two!" "Wait, that's Queen Sphene? She bought a book from my stall once!"
Well, they really were obvious, weren't they? It was the first time Sphene had visited the city since they had gotten together, and she flushed realizing that if this was what was happening now, then the wedding would—
Ahem. She was getting ahead of herself. Really. And well, she wanted a little time to themselves before "making it official", as it were. The government logistics and agreements alone would be nightmarish. Koana had agreed on that not five minutes after congratulating them in person (though he had sent a message to her thanking her for "making my sister happy" ages ago, it was the thought that counted).
In a park a bit west of the center of the city, Sphene suddenly stopped.
"Sphene?" Lamaty'i's voice was tinged with concern.
Zagaal Ja's Caricatures & Portraits. It was a simple sign, hung over an assortment of drawings that had once again improved. An Eldite was hunched over, laughing at his own caricature raucously as he dug through his purse and deposited a handful of pel into the artist's hand. "This is the best! I'm dragging my friend here tomorrow, no question about it!"
Sphene looked up at Lamaty'i and smiled before leading her to a now available Zagaal Ja.
"Hello again! Can you draw me and my girlfriend together?"
The Hoobigo's face lit up like the sun.
It really was wonderful, being herself.