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“Good morning, the 118. Today is a new day, and that means there’s a new chance for an adventure.”
Buck confidently walked into the fire station on a Friday morning. The sun was bright, and the wind added a nice breeze to the summer heat that was tormenting the city of LA. He headed into the locker room and changed into his uniform. Buck took one last look in the mirror inside his locker to make sure everything was on point. The uniform was pressed and ironed, his hair had survived the wind, and his shoes were polished. Buck was ready to take on the world.
He sprinted up the stairs and greeted his fellow coworkers for the day. The full A-shift was scheduled. Hen and Chim were talking about their kids and how they had grown up so fast. Bobby was making breakfast for the team–a classic Bobby omelet with mushrooms and tomatoes–while the coffee brewed. Eddie had started setting the table, the red plates a nice contrast against the deep brown wooden surface.
“Hey, Buckley,” Chim said, breaking off his conversation with Hen. “What got the sunshine up your ass this morning?”
Buck just laughed. Was it so weird that a guy could be happy? The job was a lot to handle emotionally. Buck knew he had to get all that heavy emotion out before stepping inside his apartment–he couldn’t bring the weight of the job home with him. So why was it so strange that Buck was happy today?
“I’m just happy, Chim. We haven’t lost anybody on a call in a long time. There are no wildfires, no landslides, no killer bees. I’m just happy that for once it’s a qui– I mean, a very calm morning.”
“I swear to God, if you jinx us today…”
Bobby brought the breakfast over to the table, and they all sat down at the same time to eat and enjoy it. You never knew what could happen–or when the alarm could go off.
“Does anybody have any plans for the weekend?” Bobby asked as he took a bite of the omelet on his plate. “May is coming home, so Athena and I are having a barbecue.”
“Christopher is at a sleepover this weekend–”
“Wasn’t he at a sleepover last week?”
“What can I say, Chim?” Eddie said, raising his shoulders jokingly. “My kid is a popular kid. Booked and busy, as the kids say these days.”
“Eddie and I are heading back to his place after shift,” Buck said, taking a sip of coffee. “Just a movie and some beers.”
“Buck,” Bobby said, trying to get the younger man’s attention, “how long have you and Eddie been dating? Two months? Maybe it’s time for an outing. Go to a restaurant? Watch a movie at the cinema?”
“Yeah, Cap’s right. You two never leave that house.”
“We leave the house, right, Eddie?”
“We do–sometimes?”
“You two,” Hen said, pointing at both Buck and Eddie, “are the most boring couple I know. You have a free house–go out to a club. Get drunk. Get freaky in the–”
The alarm went off at just the right time. The team abandoned the dishes and food on the table, rushing down the stairs and into the engine as they sped off toward the scene.
“We are not done with this conversation–”
In the truck, Eddie sat across from Buck. Buck was looking out the window, trying to clear his mind before they arrived at the scene. You never knew what you might encounter–you had to be prepared for anything.
“Hey, Buck,” Eddie said, placing his hand on his boyfriend’s thigh and catching his attention. “You don’t think we’re boring… right?”
“No, Eddie.” Buck grabbed Eddie’s hand and squeezed it twice. “I think we’re perfect–just you and me.”
Eddie squeezed Buck’s hand once before getting lost in his own thoughts.
The scene was a shit show, to say the least. A warehouse fire was raging, and fifteen people were trapped inside the building. The team knew around ten people were already injured, but they needed every single one of those fifteen people out alive.
“Wilson–Han,” Bobby started barking orders as they stepped out of the engine. “I want you two on fire attack from the outside with the hoses.”
Hen and Chimney nodded at the captain’s orders and ran to the other side of the engine to pull out one of the hoses. Chimney held the pressure point while Hen stood behind him, holding him steady as the force of the water shooting from the hose made Chim stumble back slightly.
“Buckley–Diaz, I need you two on the inside of the building. See if you can find the victims and get out safely. I’ll contact dispatch and see if they can send an additional A-car. Go.”
Buck and Eddie grabbed their masks and suited up with everything they could need to fight the fire.
“Remember, Buck–we don’t split up. The place is a maze. We’ve got each other’s backs.”
Buck and Eddie shared their usual fist bump before running inside.
“Eds, whoever puts out the most flames gets to top tonight.”
Buck gave Eddie a wink, and Eddie just sighed. He loved his boyfriend–he really did–but sometimes he wished he could smack some sense into the beautiful, small brain of his.
“Buck… you know what? Deal.”
“Let’s go for the title then, Eddie.”
The warehouse was hot. Yes, there was a fire inside, but because the building was coated in metal, it made the surroundings even hotter. Buck and Eddie had each pulled out seven victims and were now searching together for the last one.
They searched every corner and behind every shelf they could find. Buck and Eddie checked both the lower and higher levels, but they couldn’t find the final person.
Buck wasn’t giving up. He knew what it was like to be trapped inside a warehouse surrounded by flames. Buck had been trapped inside a hand sanitizer factory years ago, and even now, small buildings on fire while being alone still made him uneasy. It helped that Eddie was by his side the entire time.
“The south side of the building is clear,” Eddie spoke into his radio. “Buckley and I are moving toward the east side of the building now.”
“So, Eds, just to be clear–does this mean I get to top–”
“Keep walking, Buckley.”
Eddie walked ahead, Buck close behind. They put out flames along the way and dodged falling shelves, but there was still no sign of anyone inside. They had to act quickly; the oxygen in their tanks was slowly running out. Buck was stubborn, and he knew they would find this person.
“Buckley–Diaz,” the radio crackled, Bobby’s voice coming through once again. “You two need to evacuate now.”
“No, Bobby.” Buck keyed his radio. “I’m not leaving without the last victim.”
“Buck–”
Eddie called Buck over, and Buck rushed toward him. Eddie was a bit ahead, and Buck could see him–and someone else. They had found the last victim. Eddie shook his head, and Buck knew exactly what it meant.
They had been too late.
“Cap–this is Firefighter Buckley with Diaz. We are returning with the last victim. Time of death… unclear.”
“Copy that, Buckley. You and Diaz return now.”
The silence was heavy as the 118 rolled back into the station. The air felt sharp—tense and fragile, like it might shatter if anyone spoke too loudly. They had saved fourteen people, but they had lost one. And when you lose even one person on the job, the number you saved doesn’t matter. All you can think about is the one you couldn’t–and what you could have done differently to save that life.
The station was always the loudest after calls like this, when someone didn’t make it. Not with noise, but with absence. Silence pressed in, numbing and relentless. Every thought spiraled into another question. You started thinking about the victim’s life– about whether they had a family, and how that family would take the news. And if they didn’t have anyone… then that person had spent their final moments alone, with nothing but their thoughts and the fire closing in around them.
Buck was the first to step out of the engine.
No one–not even Eddie–dared to speak to him. After eight years together, they had learned each other’s coping mechanisms, learned how everyone reacted after a death on the job. They knew Buck shut down. So they let him grieve in silence, giving him space and easing in slowly, when he was ready.
This time–this time was different.
Eddie watched Buck walk toward the stairs, heading up to the loft. He knew the pattern. Buck would pass the kitchen, keep going, and disappear into the bunk room to be alone.
But then Buck stopped.
Eddie caught it out of the corner of his eye–Buck turning around halfway up the stairs. His shoulders were shaking. Even from across the bay, Eddie could see the tears streaming down his cheeks.
“Buck–”
Buck turned fully and walked back down the stairs, his head hanging low. Eddie moved without thinking, walking faster than the rest of the team, closing the distance as quickly as he could.
“Eddie–Eddie, do you think he died alone?” Buck’s voice broke between every few words, sobs tearing through his chest. “Do you think–do you think he knew nobody would get to him in time? Was he scared, or did he accept that–” Buck swallowed hard. “--that it was his time to go?”
“Evan,” Eddie said softly, stepping closer. “Look at me, okay?”
But Buck couldn’t stop.
“Do you think he had a family, Eddie?” Buck pressed, his hands trembling. “What if he had a son or a daughter? We need to find them. We need to tell his kids that he didn’t want to leave them–that he tried his hardest.” His voice cracked completely. “Eddie–”
Bobby stepped forward then, wrapping his arms around Buck, holding him the way he had so many times before. Buck had become something closer than just a firefighter under his command–every day, he felt more like a son.
“Buck,” Bobby said gently. “You’re spiraling. Take a few deep breaths–box breathing, remember? In, hold, out, hold. I’m sending you and Eddie home for the day, okay?”
“What? No–Bobby, you can’t–”
“I’m the captain,” Bobby said firmly, but his voice was full of care. “And we lost someone on a call today. Buck, I love you, kid, but for your safety—and the team’s–I’m pulling you for the rest of the shift.”
“I’ll get our stuff,” Eddie said quietly. “You stay here, Buck. I’ll be quick.”
Eddie returned three minutes and seventeen seconds later with two duffle bags–one his, one Buck’s. He had packed up every personal belonging. Eddie figured it was best to just go home. They’d stay in uniform for now and change at Eddie’s place. He’d fold their uniforms afterward, carefully, once they were both back in the quiet safety of home.
The two men arrived at the Diaz residence, Buck carrying his duffle bag up to the front door. He stood there waiting for Eddie, who had the key. Eddie was quick on his feet, unlocking the door so they could step inside.
“I could make you some lunch, if you want to–”
“It’s okay, Eddie. I’m just going to take a nap.”
“Okay. I’m here if you need me.”
“I know.”
Buck kissed his boyfriend before turning and walking down the hallway toward the bedroom. He closed the door, stripped out of his uniform, and pulled on one of Eddie’s old T-shirts and a pair of gray sweatpants before climbing into bed.
Eddie, on the other hand, started cleaning around the house. There were still dishes from yesterday’s dinner left in the sink. Christopher wouldn’t be coming home after school–Max’s mother was picking him up and taking them straight to Max’s house for the sleepover.
Eddie kept himself busy. He started a new load of laundry and transferred the old one to the dryer. He could still see soot from the warehouse clinging to his skin, so while Buck slept, Eddie quietly grabbed a fresh set of clothes and slipped into the shower.
Standing under the hot water, Eddie let it wash away the heaviness of the day. He looked down and watched as the clear water streaming from his hair turned a light gray. Every reminder of the shift slowly disappeared down the drain.
He dried himself with the mint-green towel hanging on the hook in the bathroom. Eddie never towel-dried his hair anymore–Buck had once mentioned that doing so could damage it, especially when wet. From that day on, Eddie always let it air-dry.
Buck was still asleep when Eddie finished showering and got dressed. Eddie locked the front door, got into his car, and drove off.
He stopped at his and Buck’s favorite takeout place, planning to surprise Buck with food from their favorite Chinese restaurant. Eddie said goodbye to Oliver, who was working that shift–it was usually Oliver or Kenneth, though there were a few other employees as well.
Eddie arrived home safe and sound. He unlocked the door, set the food down in the kitchen, and started setting the table.
He walked into the bedroom, kissed Buck’s forehead, then placed a second kiss over the birthmark on his cheek.
“Good morning, sleepy,” Eddie said softly. “I got us some food. Are you ready to eat, or should I heat it up later?”
“Did you get the usual, Eds?”
“I sure did, Buckley.”
They hadn’t quite reached the pet-name phase of their relationship yet, but they were taking baby steps. Buck didn’t want to admit it, but the way Eddie said his last name–the way the syllables rolled off his tongue–had him absolutely wrecked.
“I’m coming. Give me a few minutes, and I’ll be there.”
“Sounds a lot like what you told me last night, Buck.”
Eddie winked, a smile tugging at his lips. Buck couldn’t help but blush–suddenly, he was very glad Christopher wasn’t home right now.
“Wait, so you left Peru and bartending in South America for a ranch in the middle of nowhere?”
“I was freshly twenty, and I wanted to experience life, I guess. The ranch was fun, and it taught me a lot.”
“Sometimes I forget you lived, like, twenty different lives before you ended up here–in LA, and with me.”
Eddie and Buck sat on the floor in the living room. Yes, the couch was right there, but what was the fun in sitting on a couch when they could just sit on the floor?
“Do you ever think about if there are, like, different versions of us out there?”
“Different versions?”
“I don’t know, Eds. Maybe in one world we get together because I surprised you on Halloween. Or maybe in another one you get sick with some deadly virus in a lab and force me to call Chris so you can say goodbye.”
“Maybe in another life we knew each other from the academy, but we had a fallout until I started shadowing your station.”
“Or what if–in another life–you get jealous because somebody gave me a lap dance, and you take me home to prove you’re the better dancer–”
“Buck, I would never–”
“Eddie, come on. We’ve all seen you jealous. Remember Taylor? Or Ali?”
“That was a long time ago–”
Buck leaned in and kissed his boyfriend on the lips. The taste of the food still lingered, and Buck could taste it. When they pulled apart, Buck took a moment to admire the beauty that was his boyfriend.
“Chop suey with beef,” Buck said, licking his lips. “Your favorite.”
“You’re an idiot,” Eddie said fondly, “but I love you.”
“And if I remember right,” Buck said, cracking a smile, “we had a bet–”
“I’m not letting you–”
“Eddie, please.”
“Fine.”
Buck kissed him again, and they both went back to eating their takeout, continuing to share stories from the past while also reflecting on the memories they were creating now–the memories they had built with their found family, and with Chris.
“Maybe in another life we’d get engaged,” Buck said thoughtfully, “but because it’s us, something would happen the week after. One of us would end up in a coma or something–”
“Okay, Buck, that’s a bit unrealistic,” Eddie laughed. “That sounds about as realistic as me asking Ravi to help with your birthday gift.”
They both burst into laughter. The job could be heavy some days, so every shared laugh was something to cherish–never something to take for granted.
Eddie grabbed two bottles of their usual beer, opened them, and handed one to Buck. They clinked the bottles together and took a sip before falling back into their familiar rhythm.
Talking.
Eating.
Beer.
The call came a little after 10 p.m. They had decided to head to bed early after the day and the shift. Buck was already in bed, and Eddie had just finished brushing his teeth when the call came.
“Yes–yes. Give me five minutes to get dressed and I’ll be there. Love you. See you soon.”
“Who was–?”
“Chris. He said Max wasn’t feeling well and asked if I could pick him up. I said–”
“Give me five minutes to find a hoodie. I’m driving–you hate driving in the dark.”
“This is why I love you.”
“I thought it was because of my amazing head skills–”
“Just get in the car, Buckley.”
Buck grabbed the keys to the Jeep and started the engine while Eddie locked the front door. Eddie slid into the passenger seat, and Buck pulled out of the driveway, entering Max’s address into the GPS.
Buck was so fucked. Buck was screwed.
He genuinely didn’t know how this day could get any worse.
Hen and Chimney had been right earlier – he knew that now. He had jinxed them. If not all of them, then at least himself. The thought sat heavy in his chest, suffocating.
The second car came out of nowhere.
Buck’s eyes had been on the road. Eddie sat quietly in the passenger seat – unusually quiet, actually – but it was late, and Eddie knew Buck needed to focus. They’d talk later. They always did.
There was no warning.
The second car slammed into Buck’s side.
Metal screamed. Glass shattered. The world lurched violently, then blurred into chaos. It all happened too fast – there was no time to react, no time to brace, no time to protect anyone.
Buck knew better than to move.
He forced himself to stay still, heart hammering, breath shallow. Slowly, carefully, he wiggled his toes. Then his fingers.
Okay. Good. No immediate spinal damage – at least not that he could tell. But that didn’t mean he was safe to move. Not yet.
“Eddie – Eds,” Buck whispered hoarsely. “Hey. It’s me.”
“Buck?” Eddie’s voice sounded distant, disoriented. “What happened? The last thing I remember was–”
“Don’t,” Buck cut in quickly. “Save your energy. Don’t move – not much. In case of a spinal injury.”
There was a pause, then panic cracked through Eddie’s voice.
“Ch–Chris? Is he okay?”
Buck’s stomach dropped.
He hadn’t even thought about that. Christopher wasn’t in the car – he knew that – but he could’ve been. He could’ve been sitting right there when they crashed, and the idea hit Buck like a punch to the chest.
If something had happened to Chris – something permanent – that would’ve been on Buck. He wouldn’t survive that.
“Chris,” Buck said quickly, forcing steadiness into his voice. “Eddie, Christopher’s still at Max’s house. We crashed on the way there. He’s safe.”
Eddie let out a shaky breath.
“Buck… Evan,” Eddie murmured softly. “You know I love you, right?”
Buck’s chest tightened painfully.
“Edmundo Diaz,” Buck snapped weakly, panic bleeding into his voice. “No. We are not having this conversation right now. I love you too – but you’re not dying on me. Not today. Not ever. Okay? You don’t get to do that. Our son needs you.”
Sirens wailed somewhere in the distance. Close. Getting closer.
Buck barely registered them.
Everything felt heavy. Wrong. He felt no pain at all, which scared him more than anything else. Either he was incredibly lucky… or terrifyingly unlucky.
“B–Buck,” Eddie slurred. “You need to– stay– Buck, stay awake–”
“I’m here,” Buck whispered. “I’m not going anywhere. I love you, Eddie.”
But his body didn’t listen.
Buck’s eyes fluttered, exhaustion crashing over him like a wave. He let his mind drift – clinging desperately to memories instead of fear.
Trips to the zoo. The aquarium. Sitting at the table late at night, trying – and failing – to help Christopher with math homework. Eddie’s laugh. Eddie’s brown eyes. Eddie’s hair – soft, thick, and finally free of gel. Buck had almost cried when Eddie had taken his advice and thrown it out.
As darkness pulled him under, Buck smiled faintly.
If he died today – in his Jeep, on the way to pick up a kid who wasn’t his biologically but was his in every way that mattered – then at least he would die loved.
He would die happy.
Because Buck had been lucky. The luckiest man alive.
The luckiest man on earth.
Because he had lived in a lifetime where he was loved by Eddie Diaz.
The machines in the hospital room hummed on and off, their steady beeping filling the emptiness that lay over them like a blanket. The clock kept moving forward, because that’s what it does. The world doesn’t stop just because you get hit by a car. Time doesn’t stop for anyone–it just keeps going, never looking back.
There was something cruel about the concept of time–how it affected everyone all at once. What was a loss for one person could be a victory for another. The clock never stopped. It moved endlessly, ticking forward without pause or mercy. Time wasn’t forced to freeze and reflect on what had happened; it simply continued on, and they were left to live with the effects and consequences of it.
Bobby sat in the small hospital room. He sat in the wooden chair across from Buck’s bed and took a quick look at the man lying there–the man who was a son to him in every way possible that wasn’t blood. Machines beeping disturbed his praying, the rosary beads clutched in his hands, his head hanging low.
Bobby had been moving between the two guys’ rooms–one hour with Eddie, the next hour with Buck. He didn’t want either of them to wake up alone. Bobby knew both men had been alone for most of their lives; the last thing he wanted was for them to wake up alone in a hospital bed.
People from the team came in and out, left and came back. Hour after hour passed, and there was no sign of either man waking up anytime soon. Athena had come by with May, and they brought Bobby and the team food for the night.
Bobby didn’t care about the food. Right now, he just wanted a drink–but he wasn’t going to do that to Buck. Bobby wouldn’t relapse. He couldn’t do that while Buck and Eddie were fighting for their lives.
“O God, whose Only Begotten Son, by his life, death, and Resurrection, has purchased for us the rewards of eternal life, grant, we beseech thee, that while meditating on the mysteries of the most holy Rosary of the Blessed Virgin Mary, we may imitate what they contain and obtain what they promise, through the same Christ our Lord. Amen.”
Bobby tightened his grip around the beads in his hands. Tears filled his eyes, slowly spilling over his lash line, trailing down his cheeks, and finally dropping onto the light blue jeans he was wearing. Bobby hugged the string of beads like he depended on it to save the two lives that were currently caught between heaven and earth.
“Oh, Holy Mary, Mother of God, Queen of Heaven and Earth, I humbly beseech you from the bottom of my heart to succor me in my necessity to save the two men who are fighting. There are none who can withstand your power. Oh Mary, conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee.”
Bobby was slowly falling apart in the hospital chair. The beads he clung to felt like they held his entire world in balance–the red beads that seemed to determine whether Bobby was going home happy or going home to emptiness and hopelessness.
“Oh, please, Mother all-powerful,” Bobby cried into his hands, his head buried between them. “Please, Mother all-powerful, save the people I see as family. Mother, Holy Mary, Mother of God, please.”
Bobby raised his head from his hands and slipped the rosary beads into his front pocket, kissing them before putting them away. He stood from the chair and walked across the room, opening the door to the hospital hallway. Bobby took one last look at the man sleeping in the hospital bed.
“I’m sorry, Evan.”
Bobby walked through the door, down the hallway, and out of the hospital.
“I’m not going anywhere. I love you, Eddie.”
Everything went black. Darkness surrounded Eddie as he tried his hardest to stay awake. He didn’t know if he was still alive; everything around him was a dark void, filled with voices–the ghosts that would haunt him if he didn’t wake up right now.
Eddie tried to understand where he was. He was stuck in this dark void. Wasn’t heaven supposed to be light and welcoming? Either he hadn’t died, or he was in hell. Could this be the purgatory the Bible talked about?
Eddie needed some sort of clarity. He needed out, and he needed to fight the extreme pressure building up inside his head. The only thing he could see was the darkness. Slowly, he was giving up. He couldn’t make it out of this hell; there was nowhere to go when everything around you was dark.
“Dad–please–”
Eddie knew that voice–the voice he had raised through sweat, blood, and countless tears over the years. The voice he clung to like it could save him from whatever hell he was in right now.
“I need you, Dad–”
Eddie wanted out, but he couldn’t understand how he was supposed to do it, how he was expected to just wake up from this. Maybe it would be easier to stay where he was. Eddie had failed his son multiple times, and Chris would have Buck to take care of him if it came to that point.
“Hey, Dad, it’s Christopher. I know you’re sick, but it’s only temporary. You’re going to be okay. That’s what all the machines are doing–making you better. But wherever you are, you have to come back. Wherever you are right now, you have to come back.”
Christopher and Chimney walked into Eddie’s hospital room. Christopher had been staying with Maddie and Chim while Buck and Eddie were in the hospital. Eddie had been unconscious for days after the accident–not in the ICU anymore, but still trapped in a coma, waiting to wake up.
Eddie lay still in the hospital bed, his chest rising and falling slowly as the steady hum and beeping of machines filled the room. Athena sat in a chair on the far side, her posture stiff, exhaustion written across her face. She looked up in surprise when she saw Christopher enter with Chimney; they all knew the hospital didn’t like kids visiting coma patients–not because they thought children would break anything, but because no child should have to see someone they love like this.
“Christopher?” Athena said softly.
“I couldn’t tell him no,” Chimney replied quietly.
Christopher stepped closer to his father’s bed, one small hand gripping the metal railing like it was the only thing keeping him upright.
“Is he… sleeping?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
Chimney glanced at Athena before looking back at Christopher.
“Something like that,” he said gently. “He’s resting so the machines can do all the work. Help him get better.”
Christopher’s eyes drifted to the tubes and wires connected to Eddie.
“What are all these tubes–?”
Athena inhaled deeply before answering, steadying herself.
“That’s part of the ECMO machine,” she said carefully. “It takes his blood, gives it extra oxygen, and sends it back into his body. It’s helping him breathe.”
Christopher nodded slowly, like he was trying to understand–but really, he was just trying to be brave.
“Dad… please.”
Athena and Chimney both looked up as Christopher’s shoulders began to shake. He stood at the foot of the bed now, tears spilling freely as he stared at his father’s still form.
“I need you,” Christopher sobbed, his voice cracking completely. “Dad.”
Athena turned away, wiping at her eyes. She hated this–hated seeing this boy standing in a hospital room, begging his father to wake up. She hated that Buck and Eddie were both lying unconscious, and she hated most of all how useless she felt. She couldn’t fix this. She couldn’t protect them. She was completely powerless.
“Do you think…” Christopher turned to Chimney, hope trembling in his voice. “Do you think he can hear us?”
Chimney didn’t hesitate.
“I bet he can.”
Christopher nodded and took a shaky breath.
“Hey, Dad. It’s Christopher. I know you’re sick, but it’s only temporary.”
Athena turned away again, her chest aching. She couldn’t cry in front of him–not when Christopher was being so strong. She couldn’t let him see even a hint of doubt, couldn’t let him know how scared she really was.
“You’re going to be okay,” Christopher continued, his voice soft but determined. “That’s what all the machines are doing–making you better. But wherever you are, you have to come back. Wherever you are right now… you have to come back.”
Athena left Chimney and Christopher inside Eddie’s room and walked down the hallway to find Room 317–the room where Buck was currently being kept. Buck, like Eddie, was in a coma and hadn’t shown any signs of life beyond breathing.
Athena stepped into the room and quietly closed the door behind her. The room was empty. Cards covered the table, along with flowers from friends, family, and people from the station. Christopher had drawn a few cards of him and Buck as superheroes–Superman and Spider-Man.
“I don’t know if you can hear me,” Athena said softly as she reached for Buck’s arm. “Evan Buckley. But I do know you never give up, so don’t start now.”
Athena turned toward the hospital window, searching the hallway beyond the glass for Bobby. Her husband was nowhere to be found.
“That man has already lost two children,” she said, her voice breaking. “He can’t survive losing you–losing a third. So wake up. Damn it.”
Bobby sat on the bench outside the emergency entrance of the hospital. The clock on his watch kept ticking, and still there was no news about either Buck or Eddie. Bobby felt like he wanted to disappear into a sinking void of darkness and stay there until everything was okay. But right now, nothing was okay. Bobby wanted his kid back. He wanted to go back in time–what if he could’ve done something different? What if he had taken Christopher that night instead? What if he had made them work overtime?
“Eat.”
May stepped out of the hospital alone, carrying a sandwich she’d picked up from the coffee shop on the first floor. She sat down beside Bobby while he was lost in his thoughts, his mind spiraling.
“May, I’m just not hungry.”
“If you can tell me the last time you ate something other than an energy bar, I’ll leave you alone.”
“You’re really starting to remind me of somebody–”
“Do not say it.”
Bobby took the sandwich from May and began unwrapping it. He took a bite, then carefully wrapped it back up and set it on the bench beside him, saving it for later.
“Any updates from the doctors yet?”
“No,” Bobby said, the sadness in his voice unmistakable. “Nothing yet. Buck is still hooked up to the ECMO machine. They’re going to reassess later tonight. For now… let’s just wait and see.”
“I know that must be hard for you,” May said softly as she took Bobby’s hand and squeezed it. “Not being able to do anything. Especially since it’s Buck.”
Bobby gave her a concerned look, but May only flashed him a grin and squeezed his hand again.
“Come on– Mom brought two kids into the marriage. You brought one.”
“Yeah,” Bobby said, and they both shared a small laugh. “I suppose so. That’s a good kid.”
“You’re always talking about how stubborn he is, how he never knows when to leave well enough alone. So he’s going to find his way back to us.”
“Yeah,” Bobby nodded. “He’s going to be okay.”
“And you’re going to be okay, too. I love you.”
“I love you too, May.” Bobby pulled her into a hug. “Never forget that.”
The darkness slowly gave way to light. The steady beeping inside Eddie’s head cut through the emptiness of the void he’d been trapped in for what felt like forever. The light hit him the way the sun does when you stare straight into it without sunglasses–blinding at first, his vision completely washed out. Then, slowly, his eyes began to adjust, black spots swimming in front of him as shapes started to form.
Eddie opened his eyes for the first time in a long time and saw something other than darkness and nothingness. The room was white. Great–he’d gone from an endless black void to a blinding white one. Had he died?
The machine beside him beeped again, steady and persistent. Eddie knew instinctively that it was his lifeline–the reason he was breathing, the reason he could open his eyes, the reason he might get to see his son again.
Eddie tried to speak, but nothing came out. Panic surged through him as his chest tightened, the sensation eerily similar to drowning. He felt like he couldn’t get enough air, like his lungs were betraying him. He remembered hearing once about secondary drowning–how even after you were out of the water, your lungs could still fail you from the inside. That fear clawed its way up his throat.
“Eddie–Eddie, it’s okay,” a familiar voice said quickly. “You have a tube down your throat. Let me call a nurse, okay?”
Maddie.
She was the first person he saw as the fog in his head began to clear. Why was Maddie here? Why wasn’t she with Buck?
The thought hit him like a punch to the chest. What if something had happened to Buck? What if Buck hadn’t made it out of the crash?
Panic bloomed, sharp and overwhelming. How was Eddie supposed to tell Christopher that Buck was gone–that the man who was his best friend, his safe place, was dead? Chris hadn’t even been allowed into the ICU. He wouldn’t have gotten to say goodbye.
“I need you to take slow, deep breaths,” Maddie said gently. “Just stay with me. The nurses will be here any second.”
She was right. A nurse rushed in moments later, calm and efficient. She explained what she was doing as she carefully removed the tube from Eddie’s throat. It burned and hurt, but when it was finally out, Eddie gasped in a breath that felt like the first real one he’d taken in weeks.
“Maddie…” His voice was hoarse, raw. “Where’s my son?”
“Christopher is with Karen and Denny right now,” Maddie said softly. “Karen thought it might help ease his mind.”
“I want–I want my son,” Eddie said, tears spilling before he could stop them. He hated it. He was supposed to be strong. He was supposed to be the one holding everything together. “Maddie, please. I need you to call Karen. I need to see Chris.”
“I’ll call her right now, Eddie,” Maddie promised as she stood.
Before she reached the door, Eddie stopped her.
“Maddie… why were you in here and not with Buck?”
Her expression shifted, just slightly.
“There’s no easy way to say this,” she said gently. “Buck hasn’t woken up yet. We’re still waiting for him.”
Eddie swallowed hard. “I’m so sorry, Maddie–”
She turned back, incredulous. “Why are you apologizing?” she asked softly. “You were in a coma for a week, and you’re apologizing to me?” She shook her head with a small, fond smile. “You and Buck are really alike, you know that?”
She left the room smiling–whether because Eddie had finally woken up, or because she could see just how deeply Buck was woven into him, Eddie didn’t know.
About twenty minutes later, Eddie heard footsteps outside his room–fast, uneven, familiar. He’d recognize that sound anywhere, even in his sleep. It was the sound of the person who lit up his entire world.
The door opened.
“Dad!”
“Hey, Chris,” Eddie whispered.
Christopher crossed the room in seconds, and Eddie pulled him into the best hug he could manage. The weight he’d been carrying on his shoulders finally lifted, and for the second time that day, Eddie felt like he could truly breathe.
“I–I was really worried, Dad,” Christopher said, his voice shaking. “I tried to wake you up–”
“I know, mijo,” Eddie murmured. “I know you did.”
Eddie hugged him again, tighter this time, then glanced at Karen standing quietly by the wall. He mouthed a grateful thank you. She smiled back and slipped out, giving them the space they needed.
“Chris,” Eddie said softly, pulling back just enough to look at him. Tears filled his eyes again, and this time he didn’t fight them. “I need you to know something. I didn’t want to leave you, okay? I didn’t do it on purpose.”
Christopher listened, eyes wide and attentive.
“I didn’t choose it. I didn’t plan to leave you,” Eddie continued, his voice breaking. “You’re not something I would ever walk away from. You’re someone I stay for. Someone I fight my way back to.”
Panic took over Buck’s body as he slowly woke to the sound of machines–the kind of machines he’d woken up to far too many times over the past few years. His eyes fluttered open to the white walls of the hospital room. The familiar feeling of suffocation settled in immediately, and Buck knew there was a tube down his throat. He forced himself not to panic as he reached for the red alert button on the wall beside his bed.
“I’ve got it, Buck. Try not to hurt yourself.”
Bobby. That was Bobby’s voice.
Bobby had been sitting in the chair across the room, but he was on his feet in an instant, moving faster than Buck would’ve expected from a man his age. He pressed the red button, setting off the alarm for Room 317. Nurses rushed in moments later, surrounding Buck and gently instructing him to breathe slowly so they could remove the tube safely.
“It’s okay, Buck,” Bobby said, stepping closer and taking Buck’s hand, squeezing it firmly. “You’ve been in a coma for a week. Do you remember the accident at all?”
“One week?” Buck croaked. “I–I remember me and Eddie–oh my God–Eddie. Is he okay? Fuck, I need to–”
“Buck, Buck–calm down, okay?” Bobby said quickly. “Eddie’s fine. He was in a coma too, but he woke up a few hours ago. Everything is okay, but you need to slow down.”
“I remember me and Eddie on the couch after shift,” Buck rambled, panic rising again. “We each had one beer, but we didn’t even finish them before Max’s mom called and asked us to pick up Chris. Oh my God–Bobby, I had half a bottle of beer and we crashed the car. What if Chris had been in the car? Am I going to jail? I got behind the wheel after drinking–”
“Buck–half a beer isn’t–”
“I know that,” Buck cut in, voice shaking, “but what if I hadn’t eaten all day and got more drunk than I usually do? Or what if–”
“Buck,” Bobby interrupted firmly, “kid–you’re spiraling. You need to breathe. Everything is okay. Nobody got hurt–not you, not Eddie, and certainly not Chris.”
Buck broke down, sobbing as Bobby pulled him into his arms. The shame and guilt crushed him as the memory replayed in his head–the first car appearing out of nowhere, the second one hitting them before he could even process the first. He could’ve killed Eddie. He could’ve killed Christopher.
Buck didn’t care that he’d been hurt–but if something had happened to Eddie because Buck was driving, he didn’t know if he could ever forgive himself.
“Bobby,” Buck choked out, “if something had happened to Eddie because I was driving, I could never forgive myself. His life is more important than mine–”
“Evan–”
“No, Bobby, please,” Buck said desperately. “I don’t care how much I get hurt or how bad it is, as long as Eddie is okay. I’d walk through hell for years if it meant Eddie was safe with Chris in his arms.”
“Evan–you can’t–”
“I think it’s time for you to go, Bobby,” Buck said quietly, exhaustion finally weighing him down. “I’m tired. I want to rest. Thank you for stopping by.”
Bobby hesitated, then nodded, respecting Buck’s wish. He walked out of the room and closed the door behind him.
Buck stared up at the ceiling, tears still slipping down his temples, and slowly drifted back to sleep.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“No, Eddie. I don’t want to talk about it. I’m tired, and I want to sleep.”
Buck and Eddie were discharged from the hospital a few days later and returned to Eddie’s place. Christopher stayed with Athena and Bobby for the first few days so Eddie and Buck could adjust after the crash and their minor surgeries.
Eddie could tell something was different about Buck after the accident. They’d been allowed to see each other the day after they both woke up. Eddie had rolled into Buck’s room in his wheelchair, happy and bubbly and so– Eddie. But Buck… Buck had an energy around him that didn’t match the man Eddie knew. The Buck in the hospital bed wasn’t the Evan Buckley Eddie loved. At first, Eddie brushed it off as exhaustion and lingering pain, but it happened every time they were together, and eventually, Eddie couldn’t ignore the worry creeping in about his boyfriend.
“Buck–we need to talk about it someday,” Eddie said gently. “We can’t just avoid this forever–”
“I said I don’t want to talk about it,” Buck snapped, then immediately froze as guilt washed over him like a bad ex at a bar. “I’m sorry, Eds. I shouldn’t have yelled. I really am.” His voice softened. “The last few days have been intense, and I just want to go to bed and sleep.”
Buck leaned in and kissed Eddie’s cheek. “I’m sorry, Eddie.”
“I’m sorry too, Buck,” Eddie replied, pulling him into a careful hug, mindful of their injuries. “I shouldn’t have pushed so hard. I know this is hard on both of us right now. We’ll get through it.”
Eddie pulled back slightly, trying to lighten the moment. “How about we change into something more comfortable and take a nap? After that, we can order some food and watch a movie or something.”
“I’d love that,” Buck said, a small smile tugging at his lips. “But can we not order from the usual place? I think they jinxed us last time.”
It was the first time in days that Eddie had seen Buck smile–or joke. Happiness looked good on him, and Eddie silently promised himself he’d do everything he could to help Buck find his way back to it, to bring the color back into his face.
“You need to–stay–Buck, stay awake–”
Buck jolted awake in the middle of the night, screaming at the remnants of his dream. The flashbacks from the night of the accident had been haunting him ever since he woke up from his coma in the hospital. Some nights, it was flashes of the moments just before he passed out–the moment he’d looked over at his boyfriend and seen blood running down his face.
“It’s okay, Buck,” Eddie whispered softly. “It was just a nightmare. We’re both here, and everyone is safe.”
Eddie shifted closer and pulled Buck into his chest, holding him tightly. Buck needed this–needed to sleep close to Eddie, to hear his heart still beating, a steady reminder that they were both alive and here, together, in this moment.
Weeks had gone by since Buck and Eddie had returned home from the hospital, and nothing had changed between them–though some days were better than others. Buck still struggled with grief and acceptance, and Eddie tried to be there without pushing too much. Buck was stubborn; all the Buckleys were. Eddie knew better than to push Buck in times like this.
Buck had woken up early in the morning before his shift had started. He put on some sweatpants and his LAFD hoodie. Buck kissed Eddie’s head and sent him a text saying he was going to meet up with Bobby before shift. Buck knew his boyfriend had trouble sleeping too, so he didn’t want to wake Eddie. Buck took his bike since he didn’t have his Jeep anymore, and he didn’t trust himself with driving Eddie’s car–or any car– at the moment. Buck hopped on his bike and started biking the fifty minutes it took to get to the station.
Buck parked his bike outside the station and grabbed his bag. He opened his locker and put the duffel bag inside. Buck got dressed in his uniform and took one last look at himself in the mirror on the wall inside the locker. He closed the locker and walked out of the locker room into the bay, passing the fire engines that were parked.
“Hey, Buck,” Bobby greeted him with a handshake and sat down in his chair behind the desk. “You wanted to speak to me?”
“Yes–I was thinking,” Buck started with a shaky voice, and Bobby could sense the nervousness. “I want to put in a request for some time off. I have some free days that I need to use up before the year is out.”
“I’ll accept that, Buck.” Bobby started typing on his computer and put Buck’s request into the system. “Can I– not as your boss, but as your friend–know why?”
“I–I…” Buck was very shaky and nervous. He hadn’t even told Eddie about his plans, so telling Bobby was even scarier. “I’m going to leave L.A. – ”
“Buck.” Bobby looked up from the computer with a fatherly glare. “Do I need to worry? Are you okay? You know if you need help–”
“I’m fine, Bobby. I just need to get away from L.A. for some time. There’s just been so much of every emotion since the crash. I need to find some sort of calmness and get my feet on the ground.”
“And how does Eddie feel about you taking a solo trip?”
“Well,” Buck started, “I haven’t told him yet– hey, don’t give me that look.”
“I don’t judge you, Buck. I do think you need to tell him that you’re leaving L.A. for what? A month to ‘find’ yourself.”
“I’ll tell him, Bobby, after shift today.”
“Whatever makes you happy, Buck. Don’t disappear into the darkness, okay? We’re here for you.”
“I know, Bobby.” Buck pulled Bobby into a hug. “I know.”
“You’re leaving? You’re leaving, and you didn’t even try to talk to me about it?”
“Eddie–”
“No, don’t ‘Eddie’ me, Buck–”
Eddie and Buck walked into the Diaz house after the twenty-four-hour shift, Eddie first and Buck fast behind him, closing the door. Buck had told his boyfriend in the car on the way home about his planned trip and had tried to give Eddie a good reason without giving away the real reason why he wanted to leave L.A. in the first place.
“Why didn’t you think about telling me–your boyfriend–about you leaving L.A. for some trip earlier?”
“I don’t have to run every decision by you, Eddie–”
“I did not say that.” Eddie sat down on the couch with his head in his hands. “We need to talk and communicate better. I’m so happy you want to explore, but I would’ve wanted to hear about it earlier. We could’ve talked about it and–I don’t know– try to find the reason why you felt like you had to run away.”
“I’m not running, Eddie–”
“Aren’t you? I can’t help but wonder if this isn’t just about you wanting to explore–”
Buck sat down beside Eddie on the couch and laid his head on Eddie’s shoulder. It was never that Buck didn’t want to tell Eddie about the shame and guilt he still felt after that night. He knew that if he said the real reason why, then everything would become more real. The crash had happened, and it was Buck’s fault–or at least that’s what he believed. No matter how much Bobby or Eddie tried to explain that it wasn’t, Buck didn’t believe them. Buck had been behind the wheel, and he hadn’t checked all the roads. He knew they had gotten very lucky–nobody had died–but Buck didn’t feel any sense of luck. What he felt instead was embarrassment.
“I love you, Eddie. I know you love me too. It’s just a month–”
“Buck, a month is a long time. What are we supposed to tell Chris?”
“The truth? That I want to explore more, like I did in my younger days?”
“Fine. Just be safe, okay?”
“I’m always safe.”
The next day, Eddie drove Buck down to the place where Buck had rented a car. Buck had his bags packed and was ready to hit the road; he knew where he wanted to go. The car wasn’t anything fancy, but it would do the job, even if the Jeep would’ve been better for these types of trips.
“Are you sure you’re okay with driving? I know you haven’t been behind the wheel since the accident. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay with this.”
Buck grabbed the keys to the rental car and unlocked it. He threw his bags into the back seat and closed the door. Buck gave his boyfriend a quick kiss.
“I’m okay. I want this, Eddie. I know you have a shift soon and need to get back home. I don’t want to keep you here longer than you need to be–”
“Buck, I won’t see you for a month. I’m saving every moment, every second I can. You know, if a month feels too long, it’s okay to return home early. I’m not trying to make you, but I want you to understand that you don’t have to be away for a month. Nobody will look at you weird or think you’re weak because you choose to end the trip early.”
“I’ll be back, and we’ll have so much fun. We could take Christopher to the arcade or maybe go on a real date. Do you think we can get Hen and Karen to watch Chris so we can have the house for ourselves?”
“Knowing Hen, she would almost beg us to let them babysit Chris if that meant we’d have the house to ourselves for the night.”
“You know I’m going to miss you, right, Eddie? I’m not leaving you. I’m going to miss you and Chris and Maddie and Bobby–the whole team. But I need to do this.”
Eddie hugged his boyfriend one last time. He gave him a kiss, and Buck opened the door and sat down behind the wheel.
“This is not goodbye. It’s just a ‘see you later.’”
“You have your phone, Buckley. You can’t go all ghost on me for a month–”
“I won’t.”
Buck closed the car door and saw Eddie waving goodbye before walking over to his own car. Buck put his seatbelt on, and the feeling was back – the feeling of being stuck, of not being able to move or do anything. Buck felt trapped and paralyzed. He wanted to yell, unbuckle his seatbelt, and run into Eddie’s arms.
But he didn’t.
Buck tried the breathing exercises that his therapist had taught him years ago. Buck had this. He could calm down. He put the key into the ignition and turned the car on. He was ready for this. He was ready to drive again. Buck wanted to drive again. This car had no power over him, and he wouldn’t let it control his fears.
Eddie walked into Station 118 that same morning. He had dropped Chris off at school after watching Buck drive away. The LAFD duffel bag hung over his left shoulder as he walked through the bay and into the locker room, just in time to change into uniform. Eddie opened his locker to find a note from Buck. He smiled at the note and folded it into a smaller square before putting it inside the side compartment of his bag.
Once Eddie was done changing into his uniform, he took one look at himself in the mirror inside his locker, then closed and locked it. He walked out of the locker room and up the wooden stairs that led to the loft–the upstairs of the firehouse and the kitchen. Bobby was making breakfast as usual, and Chim and Hen sat at the table talking about something Chim had read on the internet. Hen tried to explain; Eddie didn’t pay much attention to what it was about.
Eddie missed Buck. Only a couple of hours had gone by, but Eddie already wanted Buck to be here. He missed his boyfriend, though he knew this was something Buck needed and wanted to do.
“Hey, Diaz,” Chim yelled from across the table, even though Eddie was close by and he didn’t really need to yell. “Where do you have Buckley today?”
Eddie and Bobby looked at each other at the same time. The two men shared a confused look before it clicked for Eddie that Buck hadn’t told anybody besides him and Bobby that he was going away.
“Buck didn’t tell Maddie, Chim–Buck has left L.A. and won’t be back for some time. I thought he had told you–”
“What?” Chim and Hen said at the same time before sharing a look. “What do you mean he left L.A.?”
“He left this morning,” Bobby and Eddie said at the same time. “He came to me yesterday before shift and told me he needed some time off.”
“Oh, Maddie is going to be so pissed about this. I can’t wait to tell her.” Chim looked up from his phone and was met with six pairs of eyes staring at him. “What? Buckley ate my last muffin. He should’ve seen this coming.”
“I just wanted to talk to you and see how you were holding up.”
Bobby and Eddie walked into Bobby’s office after a long call at a grocery store that had caught fire. Eddie sat down in the black chair, and Bobby sat behind the desk in his own.
“That was a tough call. You handled it well, Eddie. You should be proud.”
“Thank you, Bobby. Did you have any other questions, or am I free to go?”
Bobby looked over at Eddie before walking to the office door and locking it. Bobby only did that when a serious conversation was coming. Eddie could feel something was wrong. Was he getting fired? Suspended?
“I wanted to see how you were holding up after the crash. I talked with Buck about it yesterday, but how are you doing?”
Eddie didn’t know how he was doing–or how he was supposed to feel. He was very thankful to even be alive right now, with no major injuries or worse. Still, he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. He wasn’t feeling bad… was he supposed to feel bad? The question made Eddie’s head hurt. He was grateful he was alive and that he got to come home to his son–but was he allowed to feel okay? Did that mean he cared less than Buck did?
“Bobby, I don’t know how I’m feeling.” Eddie ran his hands through his hair, messing it up from its styled form. “I don’t know if I’m allowed to feel… okay? The crash was scary, and I hated that it happened, but I’m grateful I got to come home to my son and that I’m still here. Does that make me a bad person?”
“Everybody processes things differently, Eddie. How you feel is valid. Nobody can tell you how you’re supposed to feel. You have a very mature take on this–you should be proud of yourself.”
“Bobby…” Eddie looked at his captain with a hint of sadness in his eyes. “What has Buck told you? I know there are protocols, but if something is going on with my boyfriend, I want to know.”
“I talked to Buck in the hospital a couple of days before you two were dismissed.” Bobby let out a sigh. “He puts a lot of blame on himself. He said he was more worried about you than himself, because your life matters more than his.”
Eddie looked at his captain, confusion written across his face. Buck couldn’t really believe that… right? Buck didn’t believe his life was worth less than Eddie’s in an emergency– did he? Eddie had told Buck his life wasn’t expendable, and he meant it. So why was Buck still acting like it was?
“Bobby… you don’t really think he believes his life is worth less than mine?”
“It’s not my place to say. You two need to talk this out as adults. There’s a lot of shame and guilt on Evan’s side, and I think he really needs somebody who can see him right now–somebody who can hug him and say, ‘I’ve got you.’”
“Bobby, how am I supposed to be there for him when he’s on the road, hours away from L.A., going God knows where?”
“I think you just have to trust Buck on this one, Eddie. You have to trust that he can do this, and you have to let him come to you. He will when he’s ready. That man loves you so much– don’t doubt it. He might need a little help along the way, but he’ll get there in his own time.”
“I try, Bobby. I try so hard every day. I just want him to talk to me. I don’t understand why he won’t. We were both in the car that day. I don’t understand. I sat in the passenger seat. I didn’t even take the biggest hit. He was driving, and I was just in the passenger seat–”
Bobby could see Eddie slowly putting the pieces together in his mind. The moment was sad and almost ironic at the same time. Bobby couldn’t help letting out a small chuckle as a coping mechanism.
“He felt bad because he was the one driving and I got hurt...I’m fine and–”
“I think this is something you two need to have an adult conversation about. You need to hear his side from him, not from me, and he needs to hear your side too–as reassurance.”
The timing of the alarm was perfect. Bobby and Eddie rushed out of the office, geared up, and drove off to the call. This one was a fire inside an old, abandoned haunted house. Some teens had snuck in to see if the attractions still worked, and one of the animatronics had overheated, catching fire and spreading to the curtains.
This was going to be a long shift.
Buck had been driving for hours at this point. He had only taken a few breaks to stretch his leg. Over the years, the pain in his leg had gotten better, but long trips and sitting still for extended periods could still cause some mild pain. He still did some training for his leg once in a while, and it had been helping a lot, but his doctor had told him that even with all the training, there would always be some level of pain in certain situations. Was it the smartest choice to drive seven hours alone with his phone turned off? No, it wasn’t–but everything was fine, and Buck was almost at his destination.
The car rolled into Westwood Camping late in the evening. The sun was starting to set, painting the sky in beautiful shades of purple and orange. Buck grabbed his bags and locked the car he had rented for the month before walking over to the information desk to check in.
“Hello, my name is Evan Buckley. I have a reservation for a cabin.”
“Welcome to the Westwood Camping Resort. I’m Tyler–here’s your key. You have cabin 201 up the hill. I hope you’ll enjoy your stay. If you have any questions, don’t be afraid to stop by, and I wish you a good evening.”
Buck took the key, thanked Tyler, and walked up the hill to find cabin 201. The cabin itself wasn’t very big, but it had everything he needed: a bathroom, a bedroom, and a kitchen. The view overlooked the lake down the hill, and there were a few other cabins nearby. Buck felt content and ready for what the next month had to offer.
Buck sat down on the bed and sent Maddie and Eddie each a message letting them know he had arrived safely and that the trip had gone well. Not long after, Buck slowly drifted off to sleep. He was exhausted from the drive and decided to call it an early night.
The next morning, Buck woke up early. He changed into the workout clothes he had packed and went for a run, looping around the camping area and down toward the lake. He took a few minutes by the water to think about how the last year had unfolded and what he could change to become a better person.
“Hello?”
Buck turned at the sudden sound of a voice. He was greeted by a young man who couldn’t be older than thirty-five–blond, tall, with a few tattoos and light stubble.
“Hey, man. Are you alright?” Buck asked, his firefighter instincts kicking in immediately.
“I’m okay. Sorry if I worried you,” the man said. “I live here at the campground, and I saw you standing by the lake. Just wanted to check if everything was okay.”
“Thanks, man.” Buck cracked a smile and stepped away from the lake toward him. “I’m Buck. Nice to meet you.”
“Jack.” The man held out his hand, and Buck shook it. “What brings you out here?”
“I’m traveling right now–well, I don’t know if I can really call it traveling since this is my only stop. I’m from L.A. – “
“That’s a couple of hours away. Why did you decide to drive so far by yourself?”
“That’s a long story – ”
“No rush. My girlfriend and I are staying for a while. You should join us for a beer sometime.”
A flash of memory crossed Buck’s mind– him and Eddie on the couch after takeout, Eddie walking into the kitchen to grab two bottles of beer and setting them on the table. Buck taking a big sip before setting his bottle down. Eddie’s phone ringing. And then, suddenly, they were in the car.
“I would love to join you two for a beer.”
“Here’s my number,” Jack said. “I’ll text you the details. Have a good run, man.”
“You too, Jack.”
The clock had just struck 8 p.m. in the Diaz house. Chris was at another sleepover, and Maddie, Athena, Karen, and Hen were keeping Eddie company. Tonight was one of their usual wine nights. Eddie and Maddie were drinking red, Athena and Hen had gone for white, and Karen was firmly committed to rosé. Eddie had come to cherish these moments. Did it mean he was officially part of the “wife group”? Yes. But honestly, it was nice having friends—ones he didn’t work with, minus Hen.
“Okay, so let me get this straight–or gay,” Karen started, and everyone immediately laughed. “The girl was so embarrassed that she clogged her date’s toilet that she tried to climb out the window?”
“You know we’re not supposed to judge the people we save,” Hen said, sharing a look with Eddie before they both cracked up.
“Yeah,” Eddie added, “but they continued the date afterward, so I guess he was… understanding.”
“Athena, do you remember when you called 9-1-1 and asked me–”
“Henrietta Wilson,” Athena warned. “Not. Another. Word.”
“Athena–” Eddie started, but he didn’t even make it halfway through the sentence before he started laughing so hard that tears rolled down his cheeks. “Didn’t May walk in on you and Bobby–oh my God, why am I talking about my boss’s sex life?”
Eddie immediately regretted that sentence as his brain betrayed him with a vivid image of Bobby Nash wearing only an apron, bare ass out, while Athena stood there in Bobby’s turnout coat like she owned it.
Eddie groaned and buried his face in his hands. “I hate all of you.”
“Eddie,” Hen said, barely managing to breathe through her laughter, “you’re telling me you and Buck have never been in an embarrassing situation like that?”
“Hen, that’s my brother,” Maddie said, laughing way too hard to sound convincing. “I do not want to know about my little brother’s sex life. Please. I beg you.”
“Oh, come on,” Karen teased. “You know there’s at least one story involving Buck, a couch, and absolutely zero self-awareness.”
Eddie snorted into his wine. “That narrows it down to… most of our relationship.”
The night carried on with more jokes, more wine, and a board game that Eddie was spectacularly bad at. At one point, Athena had to explain the rules for the third time, and Karen still accused Eddie of cheating somehow.
For the first time since the accident, Eddie laughed–really laughed. His chest didn’t feel so tight, and the weight he’d been carrying eased just a little.
It felt good. It felt normal. And he hadn’t realized how much he needed that.
Buck was closing and locking up his cabin. He checked his pockets one more time before locking the door–phone, wallet, and the cabin keys were all there. He was wearing the pink cardigan he’d had on the day Eddie was looking at houses in El Paso, ready to move away from L.A., before Chris had called and said he forgave Eddie and was ready to come home. The wind picked up a little. It wasn’t too cold yet, but Buck was glad he’d brought the cardigan; he could already tell it would get colder later.
Buck walked into the bar connected to the campground restaurant and quickly spotted Jack with who must have been his wife, sitting at a table farther down. He raised a hand so they’d see he’d arrived, then stopped at the bar to order a regular beer. Once he had it, he walked over to their table.
“Glad you could make it,” Jack said, taking a sip of his beer. “Buck, this is my wife, Andy. Andy, this is the guy I met while walking around the campground this morning.”
“Nice to meet you, Buck,” Andy said. “What brings you out to Westwood?”
“I was in an accident back in L.A.,” Buck began. “My boyfriend and I were picking up his son from a sleepover that ended early. I didn’t see the car coming from the side–and then there was a second one. My boyfriend and I both spent a week in a coma, but with surprisingly minor injuries. I came out here alone to try and find my way back.”
Buck took a sip of his beer, and the familiar taste triggered a rush of memories. Suddenly, he was back in the car that night with Eddie beside him. They’d just left the suburbs when the first car hit them—then, seconds later, the second impact. Eddie was bleeding from his head, telling Buck to stay awake. Sirens. Someone screaming. And then nothing.
“Buck–”
Buck snapped back to reality. He wasn’t in a wrecked car with Eddie bleeding beside him–he was still in Westwood, sitting at a table with Jack and Andy inside the bar.
“Sorry, I just–”
“Disappeared for a moment,” Jack said gently. “I know the feeling. After my accident a couple of years back, I couldn’t sleep for weeks. Every time I closed my eyes, all I could see was myself back at the crash.”
“After my accident,” Andy added, taking a sip of her beer, “even after saving so many lives, my mind still took me right back to where it all happened. Don’t be so hard on yourself, Buck. You’ll get there–and until you do, you’ve got us.”
“Wait,” Buck said, surprised. “You guys are firefighters too?”
“I was,” Jack said, taking another sip of his beer. “Not anymore. I work in dispatch now. We live in Seattle, and Andy’s the captain of her station.”
“You know what–” Buck stood and headed back to the bar. “Can I get a Coke?”
When Buck returned, the mood lightened even more. They laughed and shared stories about their time in the field–tough calls, strange ones, and the truly unbelievable. Buck told them about getting struck by lightning and the bee-nado. Jack and Andy stared at him in disbelief, laughing at how chaotic L.A. calls sounded compared to Seattle. Jack shared a story about accidentally turning on the stove before a call and coming home to a kitchen fire.
“Remember when Vic made Travis dress up as the Fourth of July?” Jake said, turning to Andy laughing. Buck whose face clearly said what? “Okay– Vic’s one of our firefighters, and she made this calendar for charity. Travis got July, so she put him in American flag shorts and drew stars around his abs. Then the chief walked in. You know that look.”
“Oh yeah,” Buck laughed. “I know that look.”
“Bobby–my captain–is basically my dad,” Buck added. “So yeah, I know the look. Disappointed, but in a very fatherly way.”
Buck, Jack, and Andy stayed until the bar closed. Buck kept himself sober the entire night. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d laughed this much–especially not since the accident. For the first time in a long while, Buck felt like maybe he was on the right road.
Eddie was working his first twenty-four-hour shift of the weekend. It had been a quiet day so far, and not to jinx the team, but Eddie thought that maybe–just once–everything would be fine. A day where people stayed inside and remembered to turn off their stoves.
Over a month had passed since Eddie had last seen Buck. They’d talked on the phone a few times, but it wasn’t the same as having Buck there with him. Eddie trusted his boyfriend. He’d talked a lot with Chim about how he coped when Maddie was away and what had worked for him–and for them as a couple–but Chim turned out to be the wrong person to ask. His advice hadn’t helped much, so Eddie had gone to Hen instead.
Chris was doing well in school. He’d stayed in the robotics club and quit chess, but now he was in the school’s art club. Eddie had always known Chris loved drawing, so when his son came home excited about signing up, Eddie couldn’t help but smile. He would always support Christopher and his dreams.
Eddie stood in the kitchen chopping vegetables for dinner. Ever since Buck had left, Eddie had taken his place beside Bobby in the kitchen. He was actually getting better at cooking–Bobby had taken him under his wing, patiently teaching him all his tricks. Eddie had a reputation for being a terrible cook, so finally getting some redemption felt good. He just wished Buck was here to see it… to be proud.
“Is this seat taken?”
Eddie froze.
He knew that voice. Even in a room full of strangers, he would know that voice. He’d known it for eight years.
Buck was sitting at the table, watching him chop vegetables. Buck–who somehow looked as dreamy as ever.
“Hello, Eddie,” Buck said with a grin. “Are you going to give your boyfriend a hug?”
Eddie dropped the knife straight into the sink and rushed over, wrapping Buck in a hug he’d been holding onto for far too long. They stayed like that for what felt like forever before Eddie finally pulled back.
“What–when did you get back? And why didn’t you tell me?”
“I wanted to surprise you. It’s the least I could do after leaving you alone for so long.”
“Buck–”
“I know you’re at work. I’ll leave you to it. I already talked to Bobby this morning while I was driving down, and I’m back on shift at the end of the week.”
“Bobby knew you were on your way home and didn’t tell me?”
“Be nice,” Buck teased. “That’s your soon-to-be father-in-law.”
Eddie blinked.
Once.
Twice.
He opened his mouth, closed it again, and then sputtered, “My what now?”
Buck just laughed and leaned in to kiss him. “I’ll see you at home. Have a good shift.”
Eddie stood there for a solid second afterward, staring into space.
“Soon-to-be father-in-law,” Eddie muttered to himself. “Jesus Christ.”
The hours passed, and Buck was sitting on the couch at the Diaz house, watching a documentary about orcas and how they’d adapted to changing ocean temperatures due to global warming.
Eddie walked in ten minutes later. His hair was a mess, sweat ran down his forehead, and soot covered his cheeks–clear signs the last call had been a big one. He smiled at Buck before heading straight for the shower.
Thirty minutes later, Eddie emerged with only a towel around his waist. He went into the bedroom, changed into more comfortable clothes, and tossed his soot-covered uniform into the washing machine. Buck paused the documentary–it wasn’t very good anyway; the narrator’s voice was already getting on his nerves.
“Do you want a beer?” Eddie asked, passing him on the couch and heading into the kitchen. “We still have two bottles of the good ones left.”
“Actually… I don’t drink anymore. If you want one, that’s okay, but I’m sober.”
“Oh–”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you over the phone. I’m sorry I haven’t been there for you.”
“It’s okay, Buck.” Eddie sat down beside him. “But you know we have to talk about it, right? It feels like there’s this cloud over us–or a ticking bomb just waiting to explode.”
“Eddie, I want to talk to you, but–”
“Buck, it’s okay. I’m here. I’ll listen. I’ll do my best to make you feel seen and understood, but you have to let me in. I don’t want to push, but someday we need to talk. Isn’t it better to rip the bandage off now and move forward?”
“Okay,” Buck said after a pause. “I felt ashamed. Embarrassed after the crash. I was driving, and we crashed. I know it wasn’t my fault– Jack and Andy helped me realize that–but it felt like your life was in my hands, and something went wrong. Chris could’ve been in that car. We could’ve had more than the half bottle of beer we had before Max’s mom called. If something had happened to him… I don’t know if I could’ve forgiven myself.”
“Buck, that was never on you. Accidents happen–you can’t predict–”
“I know, but I saw you bleeding. I had nightmares for weeks. I couldn’t accept that I put you in danger. We were the ones who got hit, but what if the other people hadn’t been okay?”
“Buck–Bobby told me something before you left, and I need an answer.”
“Eds–”
“He said you told him it didn’t matter if something happened to you as long as I was okay. That my life was worth more than yours.”
Buck tried to pull away, but Eddie caught his hands and pulled him into a tight hug, refusing to let go.
“You are not expendable, Buck. You matter. And I will spend every hour, every minute of my life proving that to you if I have to.”
“Eddie, you have a son–”
“And you have a son too,” Eddie interrupted. “Chris is waiting for both of us to come home. You matter. And I’m sorry your parents messed you up so badly that you can’t see that–but I’ll drag you back from the dead if I have to, just to prove you have a family right here.”
“Eddie, I–I…”
“It’s okay, Buck. It’s okay. And it will be okay.”
Eddie paused, then narrowed his eyes just slightly.
“Just one question… who the hell are Jack and Andy?”
One week later, the full team–Eddie, Buck, Bobby, Chim, Hen, and Ravi–had decided to arrange a game night for themselves, their partners, and the kids. Athena, Karen, and Maddie sat on the couch gossiping about something that happened on Maddie’s latest shift at dispatch. Karen talked about a new satellite prototype that was in the works and would soon be sent up to space for a test run. Athena shared some drama from the break room at the station.
Buck walked into the kitchen, opened the fridge, and just stared. The shelves were packed with all sorts of things, and it hit him: he and Eddie really needed to go grocery shopping at the end of the week. The different bottles of alcohol stared into Buck’s soul–beer, wine, mixers–and suddenly it all felt overwhelming. He didn’t know what to do.
Eddie came up behind him and wrapped his arms around Buck’s waist. Immediately, Buck felt a sense of comfort wash over him.
“I know you got sober, so there’s orange juice in the fridge,” Eddie said. “I bought it for the kids, but it’s yours if you want it. We’re all just happy to have you here.”
“I love you, Edmundo Diaz,” Buck said with a small smile.
Eddie grabbed the orange juice from the fridge and poured it into a fancy wine glass, making Buck feel more like part of the group. Buck sat down beside Hen and Bobby, while Athena, Maddie, and Karen joined them at the table–which was clearly too small for everyone. Nobody batted an eye; they were just happy Buck was there with them.