Work Text:
Copia sat in the cafeteria, sipping his coffee and reading the newspaper. Perks of being the boss: he could take as many breaks as he wanted, whenever he wanted.
Not that anyone cared.
He still didn’t feel like he had any real authority here. He knew nothing, gave no orders. He just approved documents.
He didn’t even try to fight it. He simply tried to find his place in this new reality.
So far, he was doing a terrible job.
Copia liked to start his day this way. Sometimes he would stare at the newspaper or pretend to take notes, when in reality he was just listening. The Siblings of Sin had a lot to say. Just like the ghouls. Usually, it was just random stories from their lives. But sometimes, Copia stumbled upon something far more interesting. Like today.
“Did you hear that the new Papa is supposed to be terrifying?”
Copia had to fight the urge to look up.
V.
Fucking V.
His twin brother, whose existence he had only discovered a few months ago. Until now, they hadn’t exchanged a single word. Copia sometimes received messages saying that Perpetua wanted to meet him. He always told them to tell his brother that he was busy.
In truth, Copia didn’t feel ready for it, and he wasn’t sure if he ever would. Yet every time he heard someone talking about V, he always listened. At first, he didn’t understand why, but at some point, he realized that he probably just wanted to learn something about V. Again, he didn’t know why.
"Like Papa Emeritus II?"
Copia clenched the newspaper in his hands. He missed Secondo. And Terzo, and Primo too. He wished he could be sitting with them now, just talking. Maybe if they were still here, things would’ve turned out differently. Maybe then Copia would know what to do.
But his brothers were gone. And he felt lonelier than ever.
“No. Papa Emeritus II commanded respect. He had a tough character. When you talked to him, it felt like he knew everything about you. There were all sorts of rumors about him, but if someone had a problem with him, no one had the guts to say it to his face. Papa V is different. A lot of people say he’s... weird. Really weird. And that’s what scares them.”
Copia frowned. After all, some people said he was weird too. But no one ever called him scary. How weird do you have to be to actually frighten others?
“Weird? How?”
“Shh! He’s coming!”
This time, Copia couldn’t contain his reaction. He jerked his head up and looked toward the entrance.
V.
Fucking V.
Even from a distance, Copia could tell he and Perpetua were about the same height. Maybe V was a bit slimmer. But it wasn’t Copia’s fault that he’d recently developed an obsession with those insanely good chocolate-filled donuts. Perpetua headed for the vending machine.
Copia still didn’t understand why the Siblings of Sin claimed Perpetua was scary. He looked... normal. Well, mostly. He wore a mask even off stage, and his gloves were silver instead of leather. Maybe that’s what made people call V weird? Although in the Satanist church, no one really judged anyone else by their looks. But it was hard not to notice how Papa presented himself.
Perpetua grabbed a canned drink and sat a few tables away. The Siblings of Sin exchanged glances and left, and Copia wondered why V hadn’t gotten anything to eat. He himself was only sipping coffee, true, but he had ordered breakfast earlier. Besides, why should he care about Perpetua’s eating habits? They were both adults, they could take care of themselves.
Copia wasn’t sure if it was the distance, the lighting, or the clothes, but he couldn’t even see Perpetua’s chest rise. Fucking V looked like a statue.
Copia noticed that Perpetua was staring at the unopened can, sitting completely still. Yeah, that was a little weird. The way V was looking... it was unsettling.
On the other hand, Copia figured he wasn’t exactly behaving normally himself. Ever since V had arrived, he hadn’t done anything but analyze every single movement. And now it was him who was staring.
Copia looked down at the newspaper, but his mind was entirely on his brother.
He hadn’t had the chance to talk to him yet. Actually, Copia had been keeping his distance himself. Now he felt ashamed about it. On top of that, his brain kept bringing up memories of him telling Judith and the other staff to let V know that Frater was busy. Not once. Not twice. Several times, if not more. What if Perpetua had needed his help back then?
And why do you even care? It’s fucking V.
Maybe so, but Copia’s behavior was still awful. What if it was because of him that Perpetua was seen as the weird one? Copia stole a glance at him, and V was still sitting in the same position. Usually, the new Papa would be surrounded by people. And V? The moment he walked in, the Siblings of Sin left.That would hurt Copia.
Copia took a deep breath. He couldn’t just walk away like nothing had happened. That would be wrong. Even though he was still furious that V was the Papa now and not him, he couldn’t keep behaving like this.
Finally, Copia pulled himself together, stood up, and walked over to the table where Perpetua was sitting. He skipped the whole “hey, can I sit here?” thing and just plopped down across from V, who was still staring at the can in front of him. Copia started to suspect that Perpetua was just reading the ingredients or something. But after watching him for a while, he realized that V’s eyes weren’t moving at all, and he probably wasn’t paying attention to anything around him.
“Perpetua?”
V slowly shifted his gaze from the can to him, and Copia felt his heart slow. Whenever he looked into someone’s eyes, he could always catch a small spark, something that reflected their character, the emotions they felt. With Perpetua, there was none. Empty. Nothing. And even when V looked at him, not a single muscle in his face moved. A shiver ran down Copia’s spine, but he forced himself to focus on what he wanted to say.
“I wanted to apologize. I know I acted like a total jerk. I don’t know if you still want it, but if you do, we can... talk. You know, make up for lost time.”
Even saying the words sounded absurd to him. He hadn’t expected this from himself. He wasn’t even really thinking about what he was saying. He just said what he felt.
“Why?” Perpetua asked, and Copia felt a sharp pang of jealousy. Perpetua had a better voice than him when he spoke.
Why what? Why make up for lost time? Why had Copia acted like a complete jerk with no feelings? Why had he spent months pretending his brother didn’t exist?
Copia didn’t know how to answer. He wasn’t sure what the question was even about. Still, he took a risk:
“I mean... we don’t have to make up for lost time. I just wanted to...”
“Why are you apologizing to me?”
What?
Copia was certain that his surprise and confusion were written all over his face. He didn’t understand why V was asking him that. To Copia, it was normal that if you did something wrong and wanted to fix it, the first step was to apologize. So he took a breath and said:
“Um... because I acted like an idiot. I realized that. I know the way I was probably wasn’t pleasant for you. I regret it, which is why I wanted to apologize.”
Perpetua dragged a metal claw of his glove along the side of the can, then tapped it a few times against the wooden table. Copia felt that unpleasant shiver again.
“I don’t understand,” V sighed.
Copia felt like he heard a change in Perpetua’s voice. Now he sounded... sad? Annoyed? Hard to describe. He was certain that V’s tone was different from before. Copia frowned. His mind was flooded with thoughts and questions. But before he could say anything, Perpetua stood up and left. This time, it was Copia who sat frozen.
He had just, for the first time, talked to his brother.
It was the strangest conversation he had ever had in his life.
Perpetua was definitely not normal.
All day, Copia couldn’t think about anything else but Perpetua. He tried. Really, he tried. He opened reports, scrolled through messages, even took notes but after a few minutes, he realized he was just staring at the same sentence. His mind kept drifting back to that morning’s conversation. And to the way V had acted. The way he sounded. The way he looked.
I don’t understand.
What didn’t Perpetua understand? Copia’s behavior? The apology? Maybe both?
Why didn’t Perpetua understand it? I mean, it’s normal for someone to apologize.
Copia expected V to be mad at him. To say something like, “Too late for apologies.” That Perpetua would hate him. That would probably be the easiest outcome. He could avoid V without feeling guilty.
And yet, some small, annoyingly stubborn part of his brain hoped for the opposite. That Perpetua would want to get to know him. Copia wanted that. Badly. Even if he didn’t admit it to himself and fought tooth and nail against meeting V.
But Perpetua wasn’t mad at him, nor did he seem happy. He didn’t run away, but he didn’t stay either. He just... left. As if nothing had happened, without a word.
Copia sighed. Why had he even approached Perpetua and started that stupid conversation? He might as well have stayed in his seat or walked away.
But the thought vanished as quickly as it had appeared.
Copia hadn’t done anything wrong. On the contrary. By apologizing to V, he had taken a huge step forward.
Now he had to take the next one.
He had to get to know him.
***
Copia kept telling himself he was just waiting for the right moment to go to Perpetua. That it was strategic. Reasonable. Mature. He tried to convince himself that it wasn’t just him panicking and putting it off. He was simply waiting for the right moment, but his brain was definitely not helping.
All those thoughts: “What if he doesn’t want to talk to me?”, “What if I act like an idiot again?”, weren’t just overthinking. They were a defense mechanism. A damn convenient one, if Copia was being honest.
The problem was, everything started to loop. He didn’t want to get to know V because he was mad at him for barging into his position. He didn’t want to get to know him because he was afraid Perpetua would immediately be disappointed. Would hate him. So, for safety’s sake, Copia ignored V and the unpleasant ache in his chest. His stupid brain definitely hated him too, because it kept thinking about Perpetua anyway. No matter what he did.
And then a shy little thought appeared: “Maybe I should get to know him after all?” only to be snuffed out immediately by the next one: “What if I screw everything up?” Just a few of these thoughts were enough to put Copia right back at “No, absolutely not. I don’t want anything to do with him.”
And so it went, in a loop.
Copia was ripped out of his thoughts by a knock on the door. All of this had made it impossible to focus on work. He took a deep breath, let it out slowly, straightened his jacket, and said aloud:
“Come in!”
He had planned to calm himself down, but the calm didn’t even have a chance to settle before V stepped over the threshold of the office.
Fucking V.
Copia started to suspect that his brother never parted with those silver gloves and the mask.
He watched as Perpetua closed the door and slowly scanned the room with his eyes. Someone else might have looked around with curiosity. But even if V was curious, his expression didn’t give it away. His gaze stopped on the sheet of paper lying in front of Copia.
Copia always doodled circles and lines when he was thinking. By the time he was done, the pages looked like someone had performed an exorcism with a pen. This one was no different. It was the only thing that even slightly eased the tension and nerves.
V kept staring at that page, and Copia felt a tingle run down his neck. Did Perpetua always let his gaze linger somewhere like that?
“Uh… hi?” Copia felt like he was the one walking into V’s office, not the other way around.
Perpetua looked at him, tilting his head slightly.
Don’t tell me he doesn’t get it, because I will lose my mind.
Copia often didn’t know how to act or what to say. But with V, it was every single second. With every passing moment, he felt more and more awkward. He wanted to get up, leave, and…
Just leave him.
Just like the Siblings of Sin back then.
...
Just like their mother.
No!
Copia didn’t even know if V had been abandoned. Why jump straight to those scenarios? She would never do something like that. Why would she separate them?
But what if Perpetua had been abandoned? And had spent his whole life not knowing he had a family? That he had a brother?
And what if V hadn’t been abandoned?
Then why didn’t they grow up together? Why couldn’t Copia remember a single shared moment?
He wanted to slam his head against the desk. Why did his stupid brain have to think about everything at once? Couldn’t it just function like a normal human being for once?
“So… how’s it going?” Copia asked, trying not to sound like a flustered, panicked guy who had no idea what he was doing.
Perpetua sat down across from him, still staring at the scribbled page. After a moment, he looked at Copia. Not a single muscle in his face twitched.
“Ah, that. Sometimes when I’m thinking about something, I just… write reflexively, or I doodle with my pen.”
Copia felt like hitting his forehead again. Why was he even explaining himself?!
Perpetua stayed silent, and Copia started to suspect that V had magically forgotten how to talk.
At that exact moment, one of the employees walked into the office. He was carrying a thick folder of documents and was about to say something, but when he saw Perpetua, he froze in place and unconsciously parted his lips.
“Oh. I-I’ll… maybe come back later,” he stammered quickly, shutting the door behind him.
Perpetua didn’t take his eyes off his twin for even a second, and Copia smiled. He didn’t know if it was because of the rumors or if the others were really afraid of Perpetua, but either way, it meant he avoided extra work.
“V, you can sit here for as long as you want.”
At that moment, Copia noticed something he hadn’t seen before: the muscles in Perpetua’s face twitched, and his brother’s mouth lifted slightly at the corners. Copia felt a warmth in his chest, but he told himself it was probably just because of his age, or that he was imagining it.
After a few minutes, Copia started getting used to V sitting across from him. Maybe it wasn’t exactly comfortable having Perpetua stare at him nonstop, but he tried to accept it somehow.
Copia groaned when he saw the flood of emails in his inbox. Big damn promotion. This is what he had to do. Reply to shitty emails like some secretary. While fucking V...
While V sat across from him in the same position, still staring at him. Occasionally, almost imperceptibly, he tilted his head. Copia made another attempt to break the silence:
“Do you like being Papa?”
“I don’t know,” V answered. After a moment of silence, he added, “I haven’t really had the chance to do anything yet.”
Copia felt a twinge of pity. He remembered how, as Cardinal, he couldn’t wait for a promotion. And Perpetua probably had no idea how important the position was or what he could actually do.
“Do you want to change that?”
“For the first time as long as I can remember, I’m free. I don’t know what I could want,” V said far too calmly. As if he were just a narrator, not someone who had actually lived through this.
Copia’s eyes went wide at the first sentence.
“You... were in prison?!”
V shrugged lightly, betraying no emotion, and Copia waited tensely for every next word. His mind spun through a hundred possible scenarios.
“Hm... I don’t know if that’s what people call it.”
Copia furrowed his brow. If they took away his freedom, then it had to have been prison. Although... maybe V meant a psychiatric ward? Some people are held there against their will.
“Can you describe the place?”
Perpetua turned his head and closed his eyes, and Copia wanted to slap himself. Why did he sometimes speak faster than he thought?! If V hadn’t said it right away, it was obvious he didn’t want to talk about it.
“Sorry,” Copia said. “I shouldn’t be asking questions like that.”
“You had good intentions,” V replied quietly.
Copia was taken aback. Perpetua had noticed his intention, even though he hadn’t understood why Copia had apologized before. Now it all felt even stranger than before. Could it be that his brother did understand emotions after all?
Suddenly, V stood up and walked out as if nothing had happened.
This time, Copia couldn’t hold back. He slammed his forehead against the desk and groaned loudly.
***
Monday.
Copia used to like this day. The start of the week, new challenges, new goals to tackle. Admittedly, as Cardinal, he hadn’t paid attention to what day it was. Regardless, he simply worked as hard and as well as he could. As Papa, he also counted down to the next concert. It was a time when Copia could really look forward to the next day, the next adventure. Back then, every day felt special in its own way.
Optimistic fucking bullshit.
Monday.
Now Copia hated it. A new week? Sure, it didn’t differ from the last one. Another five, sometimes seven days spent in front of a desk. More emails to send, papers to sign. Nothing interesting.
He stopped in front of the office door and sighed. He had absolutely no desire to go in. Copia tilted his head back and closed his eyes. He exhaled, took a sip of the now-cold coffee, fumbled in his pocket for the keys, and opened the office door. He almost dropped everything when he saw his twin brother.
“Jesus fucking Christ!” he shouted, seeing Perpetua standing across from him. “How?! Where from?! What the...?!”
“You said I could sit here for as long as I want,” V replied, with his usual calm.
A week ago. Copia had said that a fucking week ago. Then Perpetua had left without a word, and Copia hadn’t seen him since. If it had been anyone else, Copia would have been angry. Hell, he might even have started yelling. But it was V.
Perpetua lowered his gaze, and Copia felt a pang in his chest. Even though not a single muscle on his twin’s face moved, Copia had the sense that V might feel rejected.
“Uh... yeah. I just... got a little surprised, because, well... when I closed the door, you weren’t here. I think. And now I open it, and you are.”
V looked up at him and lifted the corners of his mouth:
“Yes.”
Copia wanted to slam his head against the wall and jump out the window.
But his “more responsible and sensitive” side spoke up in time:
You don’t know what state V is in. What he understands, how much, in what way. He came to you. Maybe, in his own way, he trusts you?
“Okay.”
Copia didn’t know why he said it. Under normal circumstances, he’d have thought it sounded idiotic. Now, he had this strange feeling that Perpetua would take it differently anyway.
Copia sat down behind the desk, staring at the blank monitor. Papers. A backlog of emails. Reports.
If he didn’t do any of it, would it even matter?
He glanced at the door, then back at the screen. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed V tilting his head, never once taking his gaze off him.
At worst, they’d yell at him and tell him he was useless. As if he didn’t already know that. What else could they do to him? Kill him? Like they had Primo, Secondo, and Terzo? He was still afraid of death, sure but with every passing day, it felt like a small part of him was dying anyway. Like now he was just waiting for the end.
Copia sighed, trying to chase away the unpleasant thoughts. Besides, officially, he was the one in charge here. He was his own boss.
“Fuck it,” he muttered, standing up. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”
He had no idea why he said it to V. Maybe he just wanted to make sure he didn’t accidentally lock his own brother in the office. He expected Perpetua to peel off along the way, but V stayed a step behind him, completely silent.
If it had been anyone else, Copia would have been annoyed.
But it was V.
Copia’s mind slowly started to get used to the fact that Perpetua was... a little different. To his surprise, all of V’s quirks didn’t even bother him. Hell, sometimes Copia was confused, but never angry.
He didn’t even know where he was going. He just wanted to push his responsibilities aside for a while. Even with the weekend off, Copia was still exhausted.
“C! P!”
Copia stopped, hearing Aunt Marika’s voice. Perpetua stopped too.
“Good morning, boys! Have you talked to each other yet?” she asked, glancing first at Perpetua, then at Copia.
Copia furrowed his brow. He wondered if Marika really knew what V was like. What a conversation with him looked like. Had she already talked to him?
“Uh... I think so,” he answered, trying to avoid an awkward silence.
“That’s wonderful! I knew you two would get along! Can you sign this for me, sweetie?” Marika held out a piece of paper to V.
Copia wanted to roll his eyes. Maybe their aunt hadn’t meant anything by it, but he felt like he didn’t matter at all here. Like V was the one calling all the shots, even though Perpetua was...
Weird?
Ill?
Different?
He wasn’t even sure anymore.
He only knew that V wasn’t scary, like most people at the church said. He still didn’t understand why everyone thought that.
“We’ll see you later, boys!” Marika sent them a warm smile and walked away.
For a moment, they stood in silence. Finally, Copia spoke first:
“What was that document you signed?” He was curious what could be so important that V had to sign it now, instead of in his own office a few hours later.
“A letter from a lawyer.”
“A letter from a lawyer?” Copia raised his eyebrows. Did they have some kind of trouble? Why hadn’t he known about it? Officially, he was supposed to be the boss here.
“I won’t have to be involved in the case.”
So it was only about Perpetua?
“What happened?”
V closed his eyes and turned his head, and Copia immediately understood.
He wanted to smack his own forehead again. He should be better. More sensitive. He should know when to stop asking questions like that. He should be a better brother.
“Sorry,” Copia said, lowering his gaze.
He wanted Perpetua to know that he truly regretted everything he had done or rather, hadn’t done. He wanted his brother to understand that he really regretted not having the chance to grow up together, like normal siblings. He also felt stupid for crossing V’s boundaries with his questions. And, as if that wasn’t enough, Copia’s brain decided this was the perfect moment to drop bombs like “you’re a shitty brother” on himself.
Perpetua tilted his head, and Copia felt like letting out a sigh. Of course, V didn’t understand why he was apologizing. He opened his mouth to say something, but his twin was quicker:
“It’s not your fault,” Perpetua said gently, and walked away at a slow pace.
Copia stood there, paralyzed. His head was spinning with a million questions, questions he would probably never get the answers to.
***
He couldn’t remember ever thinking about someone for this long before. Even when he first saw ghouls (and back then he freaked out, but in a good way), his brain could still handle other things. Sure, he had a mini-obsession with them, spending hours in the library, asking too many questions (some ghouls were more than happy to answer everything), but he could still function. Back then, he could sleep. He could think about other things.
Now, he couldn’t.
Ever since he found out he had a brother, his mind had been in constant chaos. At first, he tried to push it away - successfully. Work, responsibilities, other people, no problem. But everything went to hell the day he decided to stop acting like the biggest idiot and actually talk to Perpetua.
Since then, V had taken the place of honor in his brain. The way he moved, the way he looked. How rarely he spoke. How his voice sounded so damn unique. How Perpetua himself was different from ghouls or humans.
And one question kept coming back:
“Why is he like this?”
Copia already had a few theories. Some logical, some completely ridiculous. Even his more venomous side had once suggested that Perpetua was just putting on an act. Pretending. But Copia immediately threw that thought away. If V was pretending, he did it with such consistency that it should be unsettling on its own.
Besides... Copia noticed that he actually liked being around him. Even if it was awkward as hell sometimes. And that V often just stared at him. And that you never knew what Perpetua would do or say. And yet, Copia genuinely liked him.
He didn’t even know why.
For his calm? For his strange gentleness? For the patience that even V himself probably wasn’t aware of? Or maybe for that “smile” of his, which was really just a slight lift at the corners of his mouth.
Is it normal to like your own brother’s smile?
Copia furrowed his brow, annoyed at himself. No, that wasn’t it. He just... liked that V was smiling. That’s all. And he absolutely didn’t think it looked cute. Not at all.
He groaned, slapping his hand against his forehead.
“For Lucifer’s sake, shut up.”
He rolled onto his side, trying to fall asleep, but the thoughts in his head buzzed like angry wasps. Every rustle in the room made his heart race. And the silence sounded too suspicious, too empty.
Copia closed his eyes, trying to convince himself that he was just overreacting. Even though, deep down, he knew that this unease didn’t come out of nowhere.
***
Copia was awakened by the sound of scratching at the door. He blinked a few times, got up, and stretched.
Probably Phantom can’t sleep.
He opened the door and frowned when, instead of the young quintessential ghoul, an unfamiliar ghoulette stood there.
She had a new mask, so she must have been summoned by Perpetua. In that case... why had she come to him?
He opened his mouth to ask what was wrong, but the creature grabbed him by the shirt, turned, and walked off. Copia immediately followed.
If she came to him, then maybe no, had to it was about Perpetua. He felt his heart race, and with every step, his unease grew.
What if something happened to him?
Unconsciously, Copia started walking faster, and the ghoulette quickened her pace as well.
What if he did something to himself?
Copia started running, and the ghoulette matched his pace.
Copia’s mind began spinning the darkest scenarios. Somewhere in the back of his head, a horrible memory of a nightmare about his older brother, Terzo surfaced. In that dream, he was running to save him from execution. But he didn’t make it.
Now, he wouldn’t make it either.
No. No. No.
Copia ignored the tears streaming down his face.
He didn’t know how he managed to overtake the ghoulette and then find V’s room. That didn’t matter right now. What mattered was Perpetua. He started pounding on the door with his fists.
“V! Perpetua! Open the door! Please!” Copia yanked at the handle so hard that if he’d been thinking clearly, he would have wondered how the hell it hadn’t come off yet.
The ghoulette easily pushed him aside and simply pressed the handle. The door swung open without resistance.
Copia rushed inside and froze.
Perpetua was lying on the bed. Even from a distance, Copia could see how tightly V’s eyes and jaw were clenched. His body twisted in every possible direction. For a moment, Copia even wondered if he should call a medic - the way Perpetua’s limbs were contorted was terrifying.
It wasn’t until V let out a muffled, painful scream through clenched teeth that Copia snapped out of his trance and immediately ran to him.
“Perpetua?” Even though panic was roaring through him, Copia tried to shake his brother’s shoulder as gently as possible. “V? Can you hear me? V!”
Perpetua jerked upright, looking around in panic. His whole body was trembling, but he stopped immediately when he saw Copia. Even the expression on his face instantly shifted back to that calm demeanor. Only V’s breathing remained rapid.
Copia instinctively wrapped his arms around him. He didn’t think about what he was doing. He was just so scared. Scared that something had happened to V. Or that something would happen that Copia wouldn’t be able to reach or see. That he’d lose him the same way he’d lost Terzo, Secondo, and Primo years ago.
It took him a moment to realize what he was doing, and he pulled back immediately. He didn’t know if V was comfortable with Copia hugging him.
“Sorry. I just... I was worried that...” he trailed off, afraid to speak about his feelings.
For a moment, V just looked at him, as usual. But then Perpetua grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him close, pressing his masked face against Copia’s chest.
Copia felt like his heart was slowing down. V hugged him. On his own. Suddenly, he had to fight back tears like a little kid. After a few seconds, when he had calmed down and Perpetua let go, Copia turned to the ghoulette and said:
“Thank you for coming to me.”
V slowly nodded at her, and she smiled before walking away.
Copia took a deep breath. He wasn’t sure if Perpetua would answer, but he had to ask:
“I know it’s a stupid question, but... are you okay?”
“Now, yes,” V’s voice was calm. Too calm. As if nothing had happened just a few minutes ago.
“Bad dream?”
“A memory.”
Copia froze.
What kind of memory could bring someone to that state?
And why was V looking him straight in the eyes now, so calm, as if nothing had happened?
***
“Bad dream?”
“A memory.”
Copia rolled over in his bed. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw V lying there, writhing in pain in his sleep.
He felt the remnants of his dinner rise in his throat. He shot up from the bed and opened the window, needing fresh air.
What the hell had happened to Perpetua?
Copia stepped out of his room, once again that night. He’d had enough of this shit. He was going to Aunt Marika’s and would ask her everything he could. He needed to know everything about V.
He stopped in one of the hallways. He remembered how sometimes he’d ask Perpetua something, and V would just turn his head and close his eyes.
If he went to Aunt Marika now and grilled her about V, it wouldn’t be fair to Perpetua.
Even though Copia still wasn’t sure how much V understood, or what he understood, he just couldn’t do it. He could see that Perpetua didn’t want to tell him, and he had to accept that.
Besides, a few hours ago, V had hugged him. On his own. Copia had never witnessed Perpetua touching anyone before. Everyone else kept their distance too. He wasn’t sure if V even understood why people do that.
Maybe, by doing it, he had stepped out of his comfort zone?
Copia turned back. He couldn’t do it. Just... couldn’t.
These thoughts wouldn’t leave him alone. He wouldn’t be able to sleep, or focus any more than he already struggled to. But at least he wouldn’t invade V’s privacy.
Turning down another hallway, he froze. Perpetua was standing by one of the windows, leaning against the wall and staring out at the view.
Copia felt his heart race.
Why the hell was he reacting like this just at the sight of his own brother?!
“It’s much calmer here at night,” V said, without taking his eyes off the window.
Copia’s eyes went wide. How the hell had Perpetua even noticed he was there?
“Usually, yeah,” he admitted, stepping closer. “Sometimes a ghoul acts up. Or the Siblings of Sin. Then it’s not so calm.”
V lifted the corners of his mouth, and Copia felt that warmth in his chest again.
Every time Perpetua did that, Copia got the feeling it was slowly starting to look like a smile. A real one. He wondered if V actually felt any happiness in that moment. Copia questioned whether Perpetua even felt emotions at all. Just because he was... different didn’t mean he felt nothing. Probably. Copia decided he’d ask him about it. Worst case, V wouldn’t answer.
“Can I ask you something?”
Perpetua nodded, and Copia continued:
“What are you feeling right now?”
Do you even feel anything at all?
From this distance, Copia noticed V furrowing his brows. If he’d been standing farther away, he probably wouldn’t have seen it because of the mask. Perpetua’s reaction was a little unusual. Could it be that his brother didn’t know what he was feeling? Or maybe he really didn’t feel anything at all?
“Calm,” V answered.
“Calm,” Copia repeated. That’s it? Is it even possible to feel only calm? Especially after going through some nightmare just a few hours ago?
“And you?” Perpetua asked, and Copia felt a twinge of stress. He didn’t like telling others what he really felt. But he decided he would be honest with V. He wouldn’t hold anything back.
“Uh... lost. And probably a bit exhausted.”
V tilted his head slightly and furrowed his brows again. After a moment, he let out an annoyed sigh, and Copia realized that Perpetua didn’t understand. For a moment, he thought about saying something like, “Never mind.” But he didn’t. Even if V didn’t get it now, maybe something would click later.
“It’s like... being lost somewhere. You know, in an unfamiliar place. Alone. And not knowing where to go or what to do. That’s pretty much what’s going on in my head right now.”
Perpetua nodded and returned his gaze to the landscape. Copia followed, letting his eyes settle on the same view. A pleasant silence hung between them. They watched as the first rays of sunlight appeared outside, and ghouls and the Siblings of Sin started moving around the garden and near the woods. Copia’s attention was caught by one ghoul, who, tired, emerged from the forest and slowly made his way toward the church. The creature yawned and stretched from time to time. Eventually, the ghoul lay down on the nearby lawn and fell asleep.
“Think I’ll take a page from his book,” Copia muttered. After this night, a few more hours of sleep would do him good.
“You’re going to sleep on the lawn in front of the church?” V asked, tilting his head slightly. Copia chuckled softly.
“I prefer my own bed. See you.” Copia started to walk away, but Perpetua’s hand on his shoulder stopped him.
“Thank you,” V said, and walked off in his own direction.
***
Copia sighed, poking at the potatoes on his plate with his fork. After several hours of paperwork, he had finally allowed himself a lunch break. He hadn’t seen Perpetua since yesterday. Maybe V simply needed some time to himself. That made sense. Besides, they didn’t have to spend every single day together like a pair of lovesick teenagers. They were brothers. And on top of that, they were both in their fifties.
Still, some part of Copia felt lonely because of it. Of course, he talked to the Siblings of Sin, to the ghouls, to the other staff but it wasn’t the same. Even though he had known them far longer than Perpetua, spending time with his brother had become part of his routine. In fact, for a while now, it had been his favorite part of the day.
Copia took a sip of water. Just use the break. Rest. Then go back to work.
He sighed and let his attention drift to the conversation of two Sisters of Sin nearby. Every now and then, he smiled faintly when one of them let loose a particularly creative insult.
He was finishing his meal when two Siblings of Sin entered the canteen.
“He’s completely lost it,” one of them said while ordering food.
“That bad?” the cook frowned.
“Fuck, yeah. He was laughing like a madman, screaming... and I think he was throwing things.”
“Shit...”
Copia shot up from his chair and left the canteen without another thought. His heart began to race. He knew exactly who they were talking about. There were no rumors like that about anyone else.
As he headed toward Perpetua’s room, he tried to prepare himself. For what he might find. For what he might say. For how he could help.
A loud crash cut through his thoughts.
So it was true.
A chill crawled up his spine at the sound of something that might have been laughter. Then he froze completely when a scream followed.
Copia drew in a deep breath. He was scared as hell, but he wasn’t going to leave Perpetua alone like this.
He knocked hard on the door.
“Perpetua? It’s me. Can we talk?”
Silence. As if time itself had frozen. Copia knocked again.
“Can I come in? I’m really worried about you.”
The words were hard to say. But Copia chose to set his own comfort aside. Right now, V mattered more.
After another sharp sound of something breaking, Copia didn’t wait any longer. He took a deep breath and pressed down on the handle. The door wasn’t locked. It opened easily.
Just a few days ago, when he had woken V from the nightmare, the room had been orderly. Now it looked like an entirely different place. A shattered chair. Papers scattered everywhere. Small bloodstains dotted the wall, and Copia noticed a broken mirror lying on the bathroom floor. The wardrobe doors stood open, one of them hanging crookedly off its hinges.
Perpetua was sitting on the floor, his back against the wall. His mask was still on, but the silver gloves were gone. Instead, his hands were covered in small cuts, smeared with blood. V stared at the floor with an empty, distant gaze. Every so often, his whole body would tremble, only to go still again moments later.
Copia closed the door and sat down on the floor across from him.
He didn’t know what to do. Was it even a good idea to talk to V right now? Would it help at all, considering the state his twin was in?
He decided to risk it:
“You’re hurt.”
Perpetua lifted his head, as if only now realizing Copia was there. Again, because of how close they were, Copia noticed his brow furrow.
“No... no... it wasn’t like that... no...”
V stood up and began pacing the room.
Copia stood up from the floor and sat down on the ruined bed. It looked like Perpetua was somewhere else now - trapped in his own head. And Copia had to try to pull him back.
“Then how was it?” Copia asked. He tried to keep his voice calm, but the way his leg was shaking betrayed his nerves.
“I don’t remember! One moment everything was the same as always! And then it was the same again!”
Perpetua kicked the desk.
“The same?” Copia repeated.
“Yes. It-”
V cut himself off and froze in place, as if struck by lightning. His eyes fixed on some distant point, and he seemed completely absent.
“Perpetua?” Copia asked gently after a long moment of silence.
No response. V looked like a statue.
Copia took a deep breath. He wasn’t sure if he should do this, but right now, it felt like the only sensible option.
He stood up slowly and stepped closer to Perpetua, then very gently rested a hand on his shoulder.
“V?”
He watched Perpetua shake his head, blink a few times, and glance around the room. His gaze finally landed on Copia. When he recognized him, his eyes widened in fear.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’ll fix everything. I’ll fix it today. I’m sorry.”
Perpetua kept repeating it under his breath as he tried to start cleaning the room.
Copia was so shocked that for a moment he couldn’t even move a finger. It was the blood on V’s hands that finally snapped him out of it.
“Perpetua? Can you come over here?” he asked gently, not wanting to scare him even more.
But it seemed to have the opposite effect - he could hear Perpetua’s breathing speed up.
“I’m sorry...”
Copia moved very slowly and carefully, then wrapped his arms around him.
“You don’t have anything to apologize for,” he said quietly. “Nothing bad happened. Let’s take care of you, okay?”
“Why?”
“Because you’re hurt. And you’re probably exhausted. I want to help you.”
“I don’t understand.”
“That I want to help you?” Copia asked, already looking around for the first aid kit.
“Mhm. I was always told that suffering is the greatest help. The key to redemption.”
Oh fuck. Of course it’s religious trauma.
“Whoever told you that was wrong,” Copia said firmly. “Is that why you got so upset?”
“Not just because of that,” V said. “I felt it all again. The pain... the fire... the electricity... everything... I didn’t want to break anything, I swear. I’m sorry, I’m really sorry,” Perpetua sobbed.
“Hey. It’s okay,” Copia said softly. “Nothing bad happened. No one’s angry with you. You just didn’t know how to handle the emotions and the memories, right?”
“Mhm.”
“The important thing is that it’s over now. Can I see your hands? They were covered in blood.”
Perpetua was so dazed that he simply held his hands out in front of him. It was only when Copia gently cleaned them that he realized: it wasn’t blood.
They were burn scars.
“Oh... V...”
Perpetua sighed.
“It’s better than it used to be,” he said quietly. “With the gloves, it doesn’t hurt anymore. Some of the scars are even starting to fade.”
“I’m glad the gloves help you,” Copia replied. “I’ll just disinfect the new cuts and give them back to you, okay?”
Perpetua nodded, clearly not wanting to talk about it any further. He was exhausted, like he’d just run a marathon.
At first glance, V didn’t seem to have any other injuries. Copia carefully slid the silver gloves back onto his hands, and V let out a breath of relief.
“I won’t take your mask off,” Copia said quietly. “I’ll just clean the blood off it. Is that okay?”
Perpetua nodded, and Copia moved slowly, carefully doing exactly that. He noticed that V’s clothes were soaked with sweat and dotted with small stains of blood.
“Can you change on your own?” he asked.
Perpetua didn’t answer.
“Okay...” Copia hesitated. “Can I help you change, then?”
V nodded.
Copia glanced into Perpetua’s wardrobe and pulled out a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie. He showed them to V, who nodded again.
As he helped him change, Copia nearly felt faint when he caught sight of the scars covering Perpetua’s body. He clenched his hands in the fabric, but he didn’t ask anything.
Not when V was in this state.
“Alright,” Copia said softly once they were done, his voice trembling despite his effort to keep it steady. “You’re changed. I’m going to take you to my room. You’ll lie down and rest, okay?”
V nodded.
Thankfully, the corridors were empty as they walked.
He helped V lie down, then took off his shoes and pulled a blanket over him. Half-asleep, Perpetua curled around Copia’s pillow, clutching it to his chest, and Copia smiled sadly at the sight.
He sank into the armchair and stared at the dark computer monitor. He was terrified by the state V had been in. How long he must have lived like this. The sudden shift in mood. The whole episode. Copia doubted this had been the first time something like that had happened.
“I was always told that suffering is the greatest help. The key to redemption.”
Copia clenched his fists as Perpetua’s words echoed in his head. How could anyone say something like that to another person? Faith and religion were one thing, but this? He didn’t even want to think about what might have happened if V hadn’t been found. What if he got sick one day? And then refused treatment because he believed something like that?
The soft rustle of silver gloves pulled him out of his thoughts. Perpetua shifted in his sleep, and Copia let out a quiet breath of relief when his brother settled again - still asleep, no nightmare this time.
“A bad dream?”
“A memory.”
He felt like breaking something.
Why hadn’t he reacted sooner? He could have been a better brother. Instead, he’d let V keep suffering.
Copia focused on his breathing. He couldn’t fall apart now. Instead, he had to focus on helping V.
***
For the entire afternoon, evening, and night, Copia stayed in his own room. He wanted to be near V. Sometimes he watched him sleep; other times he just stared into nothing. It felt like none of it had truly left him yet. He tried to calm himself as much as he could, but the emotions from the day before refused to loosen their grip.
A soft rustle made Copia look up immediately.
He watched as Perpetua blinked a few times, then slowly sat up in bed. For a moment, his gaze drifted around the room, until it finally settled on Copia.
“Hey,” Copia said quietly.
“You didn’t run away,” Perpetua stated. His voice was flat this time, as if nothing had happened a few hours earlier.
“Why would I run from you?”
“A lot of people are scared by it,” V sighed. “By me. You were scared yesterday too. I remember.”
“Yes, I was scared,” Copia admitted. “But I wasn’t scared of you. I was scared for you.”
“What?” V tilted his head slightly, and Copia was certain his brother was frowning behind the mask.
“I was scared for you,” Copia repeated, taking a deep breath. Talking about emotions was hard for him. Painfully so. But he forced himself to continue - for Perpetua. “I was scared because I wanted to help you and didn’t know how. I was scared of the thought that I might lose you again.”
At that moment, Copia saw surprise on Perpetua’s face for the first time. Suddenly, Perpetua stood and walked over to him. For a moment, he stared into his mismatched eyes as if searching for something.
“Can you close your eyes?” V asked.
Copia wanted to ask why, but instead he just listened. He trusted his brother.
He heard a soft rustle, and then felt Perpetua pull him close, resting his forehead against Copia’s.
Copia’s breath caught. Suddenly, a calm washed over him. A feeling that everything would be okay. V wasn’t wearing his mask. He could feel his skin. Copia wrapped his arms around him too. He wanted to look at him, but he also wanted to respect the fact that Perpetua might not be ready for that.
“Weird...” V murmured. Copia could feel his breath on his lips and chin.
“Weird how?” Copia asked quietly. He didn’t want this moment to ever end, but he didn’t hold Perpetua too tightly, just in case he needed to pull away.
“For the first time in my life, I feel like everything is where it’s supposed to be.”
Copia had to fight himself not to open his eyes in that moment. Somehow, he managed to hold back.
“Perpetua?”
“Yes?”
“I’ll do everything I can to make sure you always feel like "everything is where it's supposed to be"”
Copia felt V hug him a little tighter. When he let go, there was the faint rustle again.
“You can open your eyes.”
Copia blinked a few times to adjust to the light. Perpetua headed toward the door, and as he left, he turned to Copia and said:
“Thank you, Copia. For everything. I’m glad that you’re my brother.”
Without waiting for a reply, V left, and Copia sat frozen. Why didn’t he want Perpetua to leave? Why did he want him to stay and hug him again? And that thing V had just said...
I’m glad that you’re my brother.
Copia smiled, feeling a warm glow in his chest. Even though he was exhausted, he managed to shower and change into something more comfortable. He thought he might have trouble falling asleep, but the moment his head hit the pillow, he felt himself drifting off.
I’m glad that you’re my brother.
“me too, V” Copia murmured sleepily.
***
Just two months ago, Copia didn’t even want to think about V. He spent whole days sitting in his temporary office, pretending to be busy.
When that finally changed, he realized Perpetua wasn’t even that bad. Maybe a little... weird.
But now, Copia couldn’t imagine a single day without his twin. And he noticed that V was making more and more progress: gaining confidence, showing emotions. Copia had never felt pride like this before. Not even when he found out about his promotion to Papa as Cardinal.
And on top of that... Perpetua was starting to hug him more often.
Sometimes, he allowed himself a little more.
Like today. Copia was lying on his back, his arm serving as a pillow for V, who had started by just holding him around the waist. Then suddenly, Perpetua tilted his head and lightly sank his teeth into Copia’s neck. Copia’s eyes went wide, but he didn’t move.
Saying a storm of thoughts ran through his head would be an understatement. One question chasing another. Why did he like it? Did Perpetua know what he was doing? Why did Copia feel warmth spreading through his body? Why did he want to do the same?
When V bit him gently again, and Copia realized his thoughts were really heading somewhere dark, he decided he had to stop it:
“Perpetua... brothers shouldn’t do this.”
Part of him didn’t want to say it. He wanted V to keep going. He liked it. But Copia couldn’t forgive himself if Perpetua didn’t know what he was doing - and he let it happen.
“I know,” V said, pulling back with his usual calm. “But I can’t hold back any longer.”
Copia’s eyes went wide again, his heart racing even faster.
“You’re okay with this?” Perpetua asked, sitting on the bed.
Copia smiled, sat next to him, and looked into his eyes:
“I’m more than okay with this.”
Copia leaned closer. Their lips were only inches apart, but he wanted Perpetua to have the choice to pull back. Yet V closed that distance, and moments later, their lips met.
Copia closed his eyes, feeling the whole world around them vanish.
Usually, when he kissed someone, he didn’t feel anything special. Maybe a spark of excitement, knowing the situation might escalate.
But with Perpetua, it was completely different. Copia felt as if his heart had stopped, yet at the same time it was beating so fast he thought it might burst out of his chest. Maybe it wasn’t even his heart? Maybe it was Perpetua’s? He started noticing the small details: the way V’s breath tickled his cheek, how Perpetua’s hand clenched the fabric of his shirt, how the warmth he felt turned into heat. How he himself had to pull V closer. And... for the first time in over a year... happiness.
He was happy to be kissing his own brother. He liked it.
He should have felt disgusted by himself. But Copia didn’t feel that at all. Instead, he just enjoyed the moment.
Finally, they pulled away to catch their breath. Copia looked at Perpetua and felt like he was seeing a completely different person. A spark had appeared in V’s eyes. For the first time, Copia saw life in them. The tips of Perpetua’s ears were red, and his lips were slightly parted.
“Copia?” V breathed out.
“Hm?”
“I think I’m in love with you.”
This time, it was Copia who pulled him into a kiss. There was no hesitation anymore - only decision.
It didn’t feel like kissing another person. It was like kissing the missing piece of himself. Their breaths intertwined too perfectly, their hearts beating too similarly to be coincidence.
He wanted to feel him and, at the same time, feel himself in him. The line between them blurred, as if it had always been nothing but an illusion.
“I love you, Perpetua,” Copia whispered when they pulled away. V smiled. It wasn’t the usual slight lifting of the corners of his mouth. This was a smile. A real smile.
Perpetua grabbed the fabric of his twin’s shirt, but suddenly froze, paralyzed.
“Hey, it’s okay if you’re not ready yet,” Copia said, placing a hand on V’s shoulder.
“I am... but... it’s about how I look.”
“V... I saw your body when I helped you change, some time ago.”
Perpetua took a deep breath. He let go of Copia’s shirt and looked him in the eyes. His hands rested on the straps of his mask, and moments later, Copia saw his twin’s face for the first time.
A few similarities immediately stood out in his eyes, aside from the same ones they already shared. But what drew the most attention was the long, jagged scar on Perpetua’s forehead.
“You’re beautiful,” Copia whispered, gently placing his hand on V’s cheek.
V looked away. How could Copia think he was beautiful?
“Perpetua, please, look at me,” V lifted his gaze. “I really mean it. You’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen.”
Perpetua barely had time to process the thought before Copia drew him closer again. Their lips met softly, and V’s hands instinctively clutched Copia’s shirt once more. This time, he pulled him back onto the bed without hesitation.
A muffled moan slipped from his lips as he felt Copia’s knee brush against his crotch.
“F-fuck,” Perpetua groaned. He had never felt this kind of physical pleasure in his life.
He didn’t even notice that he was pressing his hips toward Copia’s knee. He just wanted more.
And Copia was ready to give it to him. Whatever Perpetua wanted, however much he wanted it. He was already rock hard, all because of how handsome his brother was and the pretty moans escaping from his lips.
V felt like he had completely lost control over his own body. Over his expressions, over how tightly his hands clutched the fabric of his twin’s shirt. He wasn’t even aware of the sounds escaping him. All that mattered was Copia’s knee pressing against him, brushing in that way that made his chest tighten. Every movement felt like another spark added to a small fire that had been quietly smoldering inside him.
V’s black hair contrasted sharply with the white pillow, strands of his bangs falling across his forehead. His mismatched eyes were barely visible under his half-closed lids, cheeks flushed, lips slightly parted...
Fuck it, Copia had to kiss him.
Perpetua let out a small moan as his brother shifted positions, but the sound was quickly muffled by Copia’s lips on his.
“I love you, Pet.”
At that moment, V felt the tension in his stomach finally release. Warmth spread through his body, and his thoughts scattered into chaos. He breathed heavily, trembling, completely losing control over his own body once again.
It wasn’t until Copia settled down beside him that Perpetua returned to reality.
“Copia... that was... wow.”
Copia laughed and kissed him on the cheek.
“I liked it too, little bat.”
Perpetua hugged him, pressing as close as he could. He felt free, happy, and loved. If this were a dream, V didn’t want to wake up. Yet the gentle touch and kisses from Copia reminded him - it was real.