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I love you, and that's the beginning and end of everything.
- F. Scott Fitzgerald
✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦
Through the years, the five boys who came together one afternoon to intertwine their fates became not only friends and family, but lovers too.
One might think it’s impossible to love two people, let alone four. But it has never been hard for Beomgyu. Affection, desire, and love came as easily as breathing.
The only thing he is unable to give is what all four of them desire from him: a mating bite. Being a late bloomer, unpresented, Beomgyu’s wolf is still asleep; he cannot claim them the way they all want to belong to each other. He has no scent — apart from the milky undertone of an unpresented wolf — to bask in, or to rub it into the other’s skin.
Despite all of that, Beomgyu takes care of his pack, of his mates, because he doesn’t need to claim them to love and cherish them.
✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦
I. Yeonjun
Yeonjun burns through life like a comet piercing through the starless night sky, illuminating his path for the world to see. Glowing so bright, people cannot look away. A guiding light of determination and love. Love for his art, passion, and most importantly, his mates.
Beomgyu grew up basking in Yeonjun’s light.
Admiring the way it adorned his hyung as if he were a deity, an untouchable entity whom he could only observe, but never touch. As the years slipped by, and TXT experienced the highs and lows of their idol life, the quiet admiration grew into a blazing love.
It’s impossible to point out when it grew more. It was a steady change, fuelled by every smile, touch, and laugh shared between them.
Loving Yeonjun is like sitting under the setting sun. Dressed in gold, sun rays like little sprites of adoration dancing across naked skin. Yeonjun’s love consumes, it demands, and Beomgyu is ever so delighted to give and give. He has placed a piece of his heart in Yeonjun’s palms a long time ago, anyway.
Yeonjun hums quietly in his lap. Beomgyu suspects it might be one of his tracks from the album, so he continues to rake his finger through his hair, hoping he will hear more of the melody. It’s past midnight, almost 1 am. Yeonjun’s mulled wine scent gently envelops Beomgyu, almost as an unseen hug.
The living room is dimly lit, illuminated by the soft LED lights of the bottom of the kitchen cabinets and the silver light of the moon. One of the windows is thrown open, and Seoul’s noise filters into the nook of silence that is their dorm.
They all crashed in Soobin’s and Beomgyu’s part of the dorms; the rest of their little pack is long asleep in the nesting room. A paradise of scents tangled into a sweet aroma of love.
“Hyung.”
“Hm.”
Beomgyu surpasses his giggle. “Hyung, are you asleep?”
“Hm.” Yeonjun scrunches his nose. “I don’t want to move. You are comfy.”
“I imagine.”
Beomgyu chuckles, messing up Yeonjun’s long hair. Yeonjun just finished his shower and then promptly decided to crash on Beomgyu, who was nesting on the couch, playing away his insomnia on his phone. Since then, half an hour had passed, and Yeonjun refused to move.
His eyes are closed, frowning and pouting. Beomgyu pokes his cheeks. Creases telling of sleepless nights and busy days are heavy underneath Yeonjun’s eyes. Beomgyu’s thumb glides over them in a soft touch.
“Come on, hyung. Your back will hurt, your bones are too old.”
Yeonjun’s only answer is a whine. He lifts Beomgyu’s oversized sleeping shirt and buries his face in his stomach. He gingerly bites the skin, making Beomgyu gasp and squirm around until they end up tangled, half sitting on the couch and giggling, whisper-shouting not to wake the others. The blanket Beomgyu used to wrap himself up is twisted around their legs, and one of the pillows ended up on the floor.
The neck of Yeonjun’s shirt slipped, revealing the now-healed mating bite Taehyun left on his neck. Another one, Soobin’s, is hidden on his nape, while Kai’s is on his right ankle. Beomgyu gently traces the scar. Yeonjun shudders, closing his eyes, leaning his forehead on Beomgyu’s shoulder.
Beomgyu’s finger slips further up, to his nape, and does the same. The tangy tones of the mulled wine scent spike, and Beomgyu giggles while Yeonjun playfully bites his shoulder.
“Don’t start something you won’t finish.” Yeonjun mumbles.
Beomgyu hums, patting Yeonjun’s hair.
His indulgence in sex is occasional, and they both know Yeonjun is too tired to try to sway Beomgyu to say yes.
Instead, Beomgyu rises from the couch and pulls Yeonjun with him. The older man goes willingly, plastering himself onto Beomgyu’s back, linking his hand over his stomach. They tumble through the living room, the dark corridor and eventually into Beomgyu’s room.
Yeonjun crashes onto the bed, face-first, as he crawls higher. Beomgyu watches him with quiet amusement as he flicks on the bedside lamp. It bathes the room in a gentle, warm glow. He steps to his desk, rummages through his drawer, and pulls out a small wicker basket.
Because they all know Yeonjun likes to sleep in others’ rooms, Soobin and Beomgyu keep mini travel-sized products that Yeonjun uses.
“Do you want me to do your skincare?” He asks, bringing lavender-scented pillow spray too with him.
“Are you an angel?”
Yeonjun settles into the bed, close to the wall, so Beomgyu has enough space to sit on the other side. Swarmed in pillows and soft blankets, Yeonjun lies soundly, awaiting him. Yeonjun’s hand finds his knee, not squeezing, just resting it there.
Since Beomgyu doesn’t have a strong scent — only the telltale faint milky scent of an unpresented pup — Yeonjun often likes to ground Beomgyu's existence around him in physical touch.
“Hm?” Beomgyu prompts once he notices Yeonjun looking at him with half-lidded eyes.
“Can I scent you? You smell like the others, but not me.” Yeonjun tries to surpass the small whine in his voice, but it slips through the crack of exhaustion.
Beomgyu blinks at him and offers his wrist to him. Yeonjun takes it, gently runs his nose along his wrist, over the patch of inactive scent gland. They give out no individual scent, but catch the members’. Soon, the room blooms in the heady scent of mulled wine, strong and spicy. Beomgyu breathes it in like he needs it to live.
Yeonjun has long closed his eyes, scenting Beomgyu as if he would want to imprint his scent into his very bones. It always catches Beomgyu off guard how much Yeonjun craves all of them to smell like him.
And maybe, he is more insistent with Beomgyu since it’s the only way for him to stake his claim on the boy.
Once Yeonjun deems him thoroughly scented, he lets go of his wrist, but not before placing a kiss on his scent glands — a silent promise.
Beomgyu smiles, running his thumb over Yeonjun’s cheeks. He leans down and pecks his lips. “You can fall asleep while I do your skincare”
“Will you stay?” He cracks open one eye.
“Of course.”
Knowing Yeonjun’s routine by heart now, he pats away the toner and serum with gentle touches. And spreads the moisturiser across Yeonjun’s soft skin. Not even a minute in, and Yeonjun’s body already relaxed, the knot in his brows eased, and his shoulders loosened.
Beomgyu finds satisfaction in the way Yeonjun’s body falls asleep too, no longer strung up and tight. His breathing eases, and his scent mellows down.
He gathers the products, puts them all away in their place, before switching off the lamp on the nightstand and getting into bed too. He cuddles to Yeonjun’s side, drawing the blanket up to their legs and pressing his nose to the scent glands near Yeonjun’s neck.
He breathes deep, and slowly his racing mind also quiets as he is lulled to sleep by Yeonjun’s soft breathing.
✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦
II. Soobin
If life is a raging storm, then Soobin is the steady rock that stands between Beomgyu and all the harsh realities of the world — a grounding presence, a warm hug on cold nights, a gentle kiss on bruises.
It’s hard to tell when their friendship morphed into love, but Beomgyu knows the change was effortless. One day, he woke up, looked at Soobin’s sleeping form on the other side of the room, and he knew. It was simply like that. While coming to terms with his feelings towards the others, realising his love for Soobin was like finding a missing piece of a puzzle.
As their group leader and an alpha, he is quite possessive and protective of his mates. Touching, scenting or being in their vicinity in general is a must for Soobin, or he will get distressed.
It’s no surprise he got worked up when the new assistant, who was filling up as their concept photographer, made a distasteful remark about the maknaes’ subgenders when he thought they couldn’t hear him. It took getting Soobin almost scent drunk for him to calm down. Or close to that. He was still snappy with the photographer.
Still high on pheromones and strung tight with anger, he trailed after Taehyun and Kai through the rest of the day. Beomgyu would have found him adorable if he didn’t know it was Soobin’s protective senses going wild.
Soobin drapes himself over Beomgyu’s back as they step into the lift. He burrows his face into Beomgyu’s shoulder, groaning as his muscles protest against any movements. He may have gone overboard at practice.
Soobin’s usual amber-vanilla scent is subtle, with a hint of smoke that comes forth when he is weary or angry. It has clung to his scent glands like sticky rice all day. Beomgyu grimaces as it tickles his nose.
“Oh, Kai will come back home later.” Beomgyu hums, patting Soobin’s head absentmindedly. “She is meeting with Lea-noona.”
Soobin hums. “You could feel sorry for me, you know?”
Beomgyu rolls his eyes fondly. He turns around in Soobin’s arm, patting his cheeks. “Aigoo, are you tired, Soobinnie-hyung? Have you overworked yourself today? Do you need a massage, hm?” He coos in a fake, overly sweet voice, beaming up at Soobin. “Yeonjunnie-hyung told you not to go so hard, no?”
Soobin scoffs before he pulls on Beomgyu’s cheeks, causing the other to laugh and shriek for mercy. He pecks Beomgyu’s lips and shows him pity.
“You are evil.”
“Love you too.” Beomgyu giggles.
He fishes out a scent patch from his pockets. Soobin eyes it suspiciously, but let’s Beomgyu pull the neckline of his shirt down and apply it to his scent glands.
Instead of the usual lounge, the lift stops at the basement parking area. Soobin furrows his brows as Beomgyu pulls him away; their steps echo back from the high concrete walls. Beomgyu swings their intertwined hands while looking over their KaTalk messages with Jisoo-hyung.
“Oh, it’s here!” He lets go of Soobin’s hand and skips to two black electric scooters parked at one of the spots.
“Scooters?”
Soobin steps around one, looking at Beomgyu with questions in his eyes.
“I asked Jisoo-hyung to rent us two scooters so that we can go to the Han River.” He lays out his plan with a smile, which takes Soobin back. “You were stressed today, and you wanted to go to the river for a while now… It will be good, I promise.”
Something soft blooms on Soobin’s face as he steps to Beomgyu and cradles his face in his palms, bringing their lips together into a gentle kiss. “Thank you.”
Beomgyu’s face blooms into a beaming smile. “We have to come back in 3 hours, though, Jisoo-hyung's orders.”
“Then we'd better get going, hm?”
Night has descended over Seoul, and despite the quieter streets, they must be careful. Masks cover their faces, Beomgyu’s hoodie and Soobin’s cap shroud them. It isn’t common for any of them to go around the city without one of their protocol team members, but with careful planning, they allow themselves a date outside their dorm.
Autumn arrived in the city a couple of weeks ago; the green leaves have turned auburn, some falling to the ground crunched under busy soles. The weather became chilly, and Beomgyu almost curses himself for not wearing a thicker jacket this morning.
The streets are well lit by the orangish glow of the streetlamps and the LED of several shops that were left up for the night. They pass by a bus stop where one couple is arguing.
It has been a few months since they came to Banpo Hangang Park. They visited the night markets in June, but had to leave fast once a fan recognised them. Yet, they still know the route there by heart now. Once inside the park, they leave their scooters outside the convenience store where they quickly make their ramyeon and also buy a few snacks: jellies, sweet drinks and a pack of mini madeleines filled with chocolate cream.
They sit outside the plastic tables, having a perfect view of the usually busy park and river, which is now calm and almost abandoned.
Before he could start eating, Soobin suddenly pulled his chair closer and swung his arm around his shoulder, rubbing his arm.
“Yah, someone can see us.” Beomgyu hisses, although the warmth radiating from Soobin is more than welcome.
“It’s alright.”
“Your hormones are betraying your senses.”
“Hush, you, it’s okay. No one followed us.”
Beomgyu hums, trusting in Soobin’s nose. Still, he looks around just in case. A group of teenagers is sitting way down the path along the river. Beomgyu can’t see them, only hears their faint laughs. Apart from them, no one is sitting outside, and if the worker inside figured out who they are, she never made a big fuss about it.
So Beomgyu allows himself to melt into Soobin’s side and touch, quietly eating their hot ramyeon. In moments like this, away from cameras and the watchful gazes of the protocol team, Beomgyu could let his fantasies go wild.
He could pretend that Soobin, he and the rest of the group are ordinary young adults trying to navigate the sea of life, dealing with normal problems like finding a job, hurrying to meetings, or being grumpy over bills. Where they don’t have to hide their faces, sneak out to dates in the dead of the night or hide their bite marks, pretend like they aren’t madly in love in front of thousands.
But then, if he hadn't taken the step to be an idol, would he meet his mates?
The thought sours his mind, turning all the sweet dreams to bitter nightmares.
“Are you feeling better?” Beomgyu eventually asks, halfway done with his food.
Soobin takes a minute to answer, looking out into the river. “Yeah. It’s better now.” He furrows his brow. “He was still rude. I talked about it with the protocol team, and they said they will make sure he won’t be with us again.”
There’s a smug smile on Soobin’s puffy lips. Beomgyu kisses his cheeks.
“I thought you would jump on him.”
“I wanted to!”
“Lucky that Yeonjun-hyung acted fast.” Beomgyu chuckles, and Soobin squeezes his arm. “It would have been hell of a scandal.”
Soobin hums, not phased by the possibility. “He would have still deserved it.”
“I never said he didn’t.” He leans his head against Soobin’s shoulder. “Sometimes… I’m glad that I’m still unpresented, you know?”
A beat of silence.
It’s rare for Beomgyu to bring up his status, the disorder he has been fighting for years. It’s mostly his mates who tiptoe around the topic, especially Taehyun, who made it his mission to do as much research on his condition as he could.
“What do you mean?” Soobin asks carefully.
“I just… I don’t know how you guys deal with all of this.” He swirls the remaining noodles with his chopsticks. “The comments criticising you because you don’t act like a stereotypical omega or alpha. Not to mention when someone tries to force their pheromones on you… It looks exhausting, and I can’t imagine how it might be for any of you.”
Beomgyu thinks of the last time they did a fan meeting, and someone came in during their pre-rut. It made Taehyun sick for days, and Yeonjun so upset he almost lost control of his inner wolf. The malicious comments about Kai acting childish, not like a ‘real alpha’ or whatever bullshit they might spew up.
“It’s not easy, but I think we all learned to tune the voices out. What others think doesn’t matter.” He kisses the top of Beomgyu’s head. “I love that Yeonjun-hyung and Taehyunnie constantly prove people wrong and exceed the expectations people have for omegan idols. Kai might not be a typical alpha, but I don’t care. I love how he is; he doesn’t have to be territorial or aggressive for any of us to know he loves and cherishes us.” He smiles to himself. Beomgyu is sure his scent would bloom in sweet vanilla without the scent patch. “Presenting isn’t such a bad thing. You will get there soon, too.”
Beomgyu can certainly appreciate Soobin’s confidence in him and his trying to comfort his mate, but Beomgyu has long stopped being so hopeful. To the public, Beomgyu’s subgender is still a mystery. A few years ago, Hybe released a statement about him presenting, but he was unwilling to come out as what.
This was their strategy after management realised Beomgyu’s condition was much more severe than they first thought.
“Pfft, hyung. I don’t think I will ever present at this point. I looked it up on Naver, there are people as old as 80 and still unpresented.” He leans away and opens the pack of jelly.
“I will love you nonetheless. We will love you.”
Soobin says it as if he can look straight through Beomgyu and see the insecurities swirling inside him. He smiles, passing a jelly to Soobin.
“Wouldn’t it be lame?”
“There’s nothing lame about you, Gyu. I would be more worried about your health, though.” Soobin furrows his brows, chewing away the snack.
Beomgyu picks out the cherry-flavoured jellies and eats them all at once. “I have to go to a check-up again soon.”
“Want me to go with you?”
“Taehyunnie already demanded to come with me.”
“He takes his job very seriously.” Soobin quiets, prompting Beomgyu to look at him. He stares ahead, as if in deep thought, then he adds. “Everything will be okay.”
A high-pitched whine fights its way through Beomgyu’s throat. “I was supposed to comfort you and not the other way around.”
Soobin pinches his cheeks, taking Beomgyu’s face into his hands and guiding him into another kiss. Then a peck and another and another until Beomgyu is giggling against his lips.
“You did a great job at making me feel better, aegiya.”
Beomgyu’s heart skips at the nickname, feeling his cheeks heat up underneath Soobin’s hands.
The two finish up their food, sharing the snacks and the sweet drinks. Before returning, as per their manager’s request, they take a small walk around the river, taking a few pictures of each other that are only for them.
Beomgyu looks at Soobin through his camera, and his heart still beats just as furiously when he first realised he was in love.
✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦
III. Taehyun
It took some time for Beomgyu and Taehyun to stop dancing around one another and even more to understand each other. Work through their differences and learn to love them.
Their love was slow, almost experimental, a journey that bore the sweetest fruit Beomgyu has ever tasted.
Unlike with Soobin and Yeonjun, Beomgyu was conscious of his fall for Taehyun. The way his heart fluttered each time he heard the other’s laugh, or saw his eyes light up, sparkling with mirth. He loved listening to Taehyun, hearing him talk about whatever had him trip into a rabbit hole — spending long hours in the studio crafting music together, or practising their routines into the dead of night.
It happened on a winter night, long past midnight, and the snow was falling with abandon. A thick layer of snow already covered the streets, and while they initially decided to hurry through the cold, they ended up playing outside for almost an hour. And when Taehyun leaned in for a kiss, with snow-covered hair and ruby cheeks, Beomgyu didn’t dare lean away.
Now, he knows Taehyun like the back of his hand. That’s why when he comes to his senses, and a strong woody scent hangs in the air, the one that is full of fire and choking sawdust, he knows something is wrong. The others’ scent lingers on his skin, but it is faded, overpowered by the smoky notes of Taehyun’s own. His face twists, he blinks his eyes open, and he finds a mop of brown hair tickling his cheeks.
“Taehyun?” He mumbles, lifting his head slightly.
Taehyun only whines, a sad and almost miserable one. Beomgyu’s mind goes haywire the moment he hears it, trying to sit up, but Taehyun has wrapped himself around him, like a koala holding Beomgyu close.
“Okay, okay. I’m not going anywhere.” He mutters, combing back Taehyun’s hair, trying to take a peek at his face. “What’s wrong?”
He glances at the clock on his nightstand; it’s barely past 2 am. The dorm is silent.
Taehyun groans and buries his face deeper into Beomgyu’s chest. He mumbles something, muffled by Beomgyu’s shirt.
“What?”
No answer comes. Only the strong smoke of Taehyun’s scent keeps tickling Beomgyu’s nose. Slowly, he tries to extract himself from Taehyun’s grasp, afraid that the other might have hurt himself before he sought out Beomgyu for comfort. But Taehyun doesn’t budge; his muscles contract as he keeps on clinging to Beomgyu.
“I can’t help if you don’t let me.” Beomgyu tries to coax him. “Let hyung see you, hm?”
The omega’s fingers dig deep into Beomgyu’s back, and he bites back a sharp hiss. Giving up on forcing his way out of his grasp, he pats Taehyun’s head instead, trying to comfort him enough to listen.
“Taehyunnie.”
Taehyun slightly moves his head, two pairs of big eyes peering up at Beomgyu. “It’s very stupid.”
“I’m sure it isn’t if it got you worked up like this.”
“You can’t laugh.”
Beomgyu hums in agreement.
Slow seconds pass before Taehyun’s limbs loosen around Beomgyu’s body. Still pressing against him, but lax enough to move around. He scoots down on the bed to be eye level with Taehyun.
Beomgyu swipes away his long bangs hanging in his eyes. Taehyun’s skin is burning, his forehead is slick with sweat, and his eyes glisten with tears as he looks at Beomgyu, frowning and pouting.
Taehyun’s expression changes, a slow realisation hitting his confused mind as he just now noticed something strange. Beomgyu hums to coax him to speak, but Taehyun is quick to reach for Beomgyu’s hand and nose along his wrist, letting out a confused whine when he finds no scent there.
“Taeh-” Beomgyu stutters, gasping loudly as Taehyun starts gnawing on his scent gland. “Okay, hey… Taehyun.”
“Why… I don’t-” Taehyun sounds panicked, his scent almost suffocating. Tears spill over his eyes. “You don’t smell like us. Why don’t you smell like us?”
Beomgyu tries to pull his hand away and embrace Taehyun, but he stubbornly holds onto Beomgyu, trying to break skin with his teeth. His knuckles go white, grasping Beomgyu’s wrist.
Beomgyu takes a deep breath and speaks to Taehyun in an almost whispered tone. Soft and gentle. “Taehyun, look at me.”
“You don’t smell like us.” Taehyun keeps saying, broken mantra.
Beomgyu reaches for Taehyun’s jaw. Quickly wrapping his hand around it and keeping Taehyun steady, the other’s teeth still clamped around his skin. Their eyes meet, and around Taehyun’s iris a golden ring glows.
“Let go, omega.”
And just like a magic trick, Taehyun’s tense jaw goes slack, his teeth releasing Beomgyu’s wrist. He still holds onto him, but pats his head with his now free hand.
“Why don’t you scent, hyung? Would you like that?” Beomgyu offers, and Taehyun’s eyes snap onto his neck, where his scent gland lies beneath his shirt.
“Scenting?”
“Yeah. But you need to calm down first, okay?”
“I am calm.” Taehyun frowns, golden bleeding into his eyes more and more.
Beomgyu chuckles. “Sure.”
Taehyun rarely gets like that. Beomgyu recognises the inevitable signs of a pre-heat: the sweating, the pain and the general confusion Taehyun usually gets when his mind is on the verge of being controlled by his instincts and lust. But the problem is that Taehyun’s timed heat was a month ago, and he isn’t supposed to have another until February.
It couldn’t be influenced by their alphas’ rut, either, since they aren’t scheduled until after Christmas. When Beomgyu last saw him, cuddling with Kai in his room, he was completely fine.
“Did you come here on your own?”
“Uhum.”
Beomgyu pinches his cheeks, Taehyun chases his fingers. “That wasn’t wise.”
“But I wanted to see hyung.”
“Someone could have seen you in the hallway.”
Taehyun’s brows knit, confusion dancing across his features. His mind was slowly catching up with the words, the lack of scent from Beomgyu making it hard for the omega to interpret emotions and meanings behind words. Beomgyu patiently waits, petting Taehyun’s hair and caressing his cheeks.
“Is hyung mad at me?”
“No… Of course not. Just worried. Did you at least tell Kai?”
At the mention of Kai’s name, Taehyun’s eyes burn bright gold. He lifts his head from the pillow, looking around the room as if he is trying to catch a glimpse of him. “I don’t know.” He mumbles, then, as if he forgot about all, plops his head back.
“Am I calm now?” He asks once again, hands sneaking under Beomgyu’s shirt.
“Yes.”
“Can I scent you now?”
Beomgyu smiles. “Go ahead.”
Taehyun wastes no time climbing on top of Beomgyu and buries his head into Beomgyu’s neck. He bites, licks and gnaws on the skin and his scent gland, and soon the room blooms in sweet anise and cinnamon instead of the choking smoke and wood. Beomgyu hums and keeps caressing Taehyun’s back, drawing invisible patterns into his thigh and shoulders.
But Taehyun doesn’t stop at his neck; he demands Beomgyu’s wrist too. Doing the same treatment to one and then to another. Then, Taehyun’s insistent hands grab at his waistband, and Beomgyu quickly stops him.
“Scent,” Taehyun demands.
“First, tell me what bothered you so much you almost went into heat?” Beomgyu tries to pull Taehyun back, but again, he doesn’t budge. “Taehyun. You know I can’t help you during heat.”
“I’m not… It’s not a full heat.” Taehyun furrows his brows. “Just… Wanna scent you. Everywhere.”
Beomgyu looks at him, doubtful. Taehyun clearly doesn’t like it, as he whines once again, impatient and insistent.
“Tell me what’s wrong.” Beomgyu’s hands sneak away from his hands to his neck, bringing Taehyun back to the bed with him. “My pretty omega.”
Taehyun preens under the praise, cheeks dusted in a lovely red as he releases more and more of his scent. It’s getting stronger, headier. Despite it all, Beomgyu can still smell the smoke around the edges. Taehyun’s body is still taut, his back muscles tight.
“I’m… I guess I’m… Nervous…” Taehyun fights through the fog in his mind, stringing the words together slowly.
Beomgyu hums, massaging his nape, and Taehyun’s body slowly melts against his.
“About… About Change Street.”
“You will do great, Taehyunnie.” Beomgyu kisses his forehead. “What are you worried about?”
“Alone.”
“Alone?”
Taehyun doesn’t answer for a while, Beomgyu almost thinks he has fallen asleep, but then his scent is overpowered by sawdust once again. Beomgyu is quick to act, pressing his lips to Taehyun’s scent gland. It startles the omega, making him bite back a small whine.
“I will be… Alone.” Taehyun continues, holding onto Beomgyu’s shirt.
Beomgyu can only imagine how anxious Taehyun must be if it triggered a pre-heat state where he desperately tries to seek out his mates. He hugs Taehyun to himself and wishes he had a scent that he could envelop Taehyun with to calm him down and comfort him.
Instead, he resorts to gentle touches and soft kisses.
“Everything will be alright,” Beomgyu pecks his cheek. “You will swoop everyone off their feet. You have nothing to worry about.”
“I don’t like being away from any of you,” Taehyun confesses, words slurred together.
Beomgyu bites back a chuckle. “You know well the others won’t let you go without scenting something of yours.”
“But… Hyung won’t do it.”
“No, I won’t,” Beomgyu says, a whisper into the night. “But you can scent me however you would like.”
Taehyun looks at him, and the golden eyes of his eyes slightly dimmed. “Maybe a kiss, and then I’m scenting you.” Taehyun mumbles, and his lips crash with Beomgyu’s.
He is quick to overrule Beomgyu and dictate the kiss, hurried tongue demanding entrance, and Beomgyu is all too happy to give it with a little giggle. Taehyun nips at his lower lip, then soothes it with his tongue before he licks into Beomgyu’s mouth.
Taehyun tastes like a sweet cinnamon dessert, each part of his body emitting his alluring and inviting scent.
It takes some time for Taehyun to calm down, for his feverish kisses to turn into soft presses of lips. His scent mellows out, blanketing Beomgyu in cloying anise and cinnamon. By the time the sun is peeking over the tall buildings of Seoul, the two are fast asleep in each other’s warm embrace.
✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦
IV. Kai
Falling in love with Kai was as effortless as breathing. Beomgyu has always found him endearing and adorable; he had a spot for him since the beginning.
It still surprises Beomgyu that it was Kai who set a whole chain reaction among their pack when he confessed to Beomgyu at first. Wide-eyed, ruby-cheeked and shy. Kai was still unpresented at that time and full of love. And Beomgyu was never good at telling no to his maknae — not that he wanted to.
He accepted his love and nurtured it, grew it until both of them were brave enough to admit their feelings for the rest of the pack. It was Kai who told him it’s okay to love the others, to want them.
Without him, their pack would still be just a pack, bound by proximity — but theirs is bound by love.
Beomgyu walks through the dimmed hallway of their floor, hand heavy with a takeout delivery bag. It’s nearly midnight, but most of their pack is still busy with schedules.
“Yes, hyung, I’m almost at home.” He speaks with Soobin. “No, I’m sure he is asleep.” He pings into the dorm where the other three live, kicking off his shoes, and he finds Kai in the living room.
Bundled up in blankets and accompanied by another plushie. An anime plays on the TV, and while it’s Kai’s favourite, the alpha struggles to stay awake in the dim room. The sickness soured his scent.
“He is watching anime, right?”
Beomgyu snorts because, of course, Soobin knows. “Yeah. Don’t worry, I will handle him.”
“Okay. I will be home soon, too, with Taehyun. I don’t know when hyung will be done, though.”
“It’s okay. Bye-bye.”
Beomgyu ends the call and steps inside the room. Kai turns towards him, slow and sluggish, and Beomgyu almost coos at him, seeing his sparkling eyes and reddened cheeks, while his brows are furrowed together. He tries to look as stern as he can, but all Beomgyu can see is a puppy.
“Busted.” Beomgyu grins and deposits the bag on the coffee table. “What did hyung say?”
Kai groans, flopping back on the couch. “I was getting bored.” He pouts.
“Sorry, the meeting was longer than I anticipated.” He sits by the edge of the couch and swipes away Kai’s bangs. His forehead was clammy and almost burning. “You have a fever. What about a shower while I get you some tea and food, hm?”
“Can hyung come too?”
Beomgyu purses his lips and kisses his cheeks. “Start the shower, and I will join soon.”
“Ah, hyung,” Kai whines, no bite in his voice.
“Do you not want your hyung’s affection, pup?” Beomgyu asks cheekily, making Kai all flustered with the nickname.
“Don’t call me pup.” He mutters, his pear scent blooms around them, breaking through the haze of sourness.
Beomgyu smiles, running his hand through Kai’s hair. “Come on now.”
The alpha sighs and hauls him out of the little couch nest, shuffling to the bathroom, and he keeps the door open. Beomgyu chuckles at the obvious invitation, but before he accepts it, he airs out the living room first. While the fresh air circulates through the flat, he puts the kettle on and prepares some herbal teas that Taehyun bought the last time they all fell ill.
He takes the rice porridge and spicy tteokbokki out of the bag, but still leaves them in their containers — warm and fresh — until they are both showered. He closes the window and pulls on the curtains afterwards.
True to his word, he soon joins Kai in the bathroom.
But he can’t bite back his laugh quick enough, and has to lean against the doorway as he sees Kai, forehead leaning against the tile while the water cascades down on his body.
“You were standing like this the whole time?” He asks eventually, wiping away his tears.
Kai tries to look at him with a frown, but he just looks like a wet, oversized puppy. Beomgyu sheds his clothes and steps into the shower.
“Let hyung take care of you, hm?”
“That’s the least after laughing at me.”
“You looked like a wet puppy standing outside in the rain.”
Kai whines, and Beomgyu ceases his teasing, giving him a gentle kiss on his cheeks. He helps Kai wash his hair and body, the other pliant like a melted marshmallow in Beomgyu’s hands. His scent became a little more pleasant, less sour, but still not as sweet as it usually is.
Soon they are out of the shower, and Beomgyu dries both of their hair, making a quick work of it with the hairdryer. They dress in comfortable pyjamas, and Beomgyu bundles him back in the blanket nest before giving him warm tea.
It’s fairly easy to manoeuvre Kai around when he is sick and sleepy; he just needs a blanket and a warm body to cuddle to be content.
Beomgyu feeds him some porridge and the tteokbokki while Kai is sipping on the tea.
It doesn’t take him a lot to feel full. Beomgyu packs it all up before he drags Kai into his bedroom and makes him a proper nest on the bed.
Despite not being an omega — or anything at all — Beomgyu has learned how to nest from the others. He doesn’t follow instincts, but rather practicality and what would be comfortable. Once he deems it good, Kai falls into it like a log.
He brings Beomgyu with himself, cuddling him until there’s no space between their bodies.
“How do you feel?” Beomgyu whispers, playing with Kai’s hair, twirling strands between his fingers.
Kai hums, eyes already closed. “Better.”
“Good… The others will soon come home too. Do you want me to wake you up?”
But before Kai could even answer, he was pulled into a gentle sleep, cradled by Beomgyu. He huffs, burrowing further into the blankets. Beomgyu can’t help the smile that appears on his face, fond and full of love.
He kisses Kai’s forehead again and lets the warm, glowing fairy lights hung along the bed up as he also slowly drifts to sleep.
✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦
IV + I. Beomgyu
Beomgyu is sandwiched between Taehyun and Kai. The maknaes enveloping him with their long limbs and stubborn fingers grasping his hands. He drifts between consciousness and dreams, barely aware of Soobin when he enters their nesting room, his amber-vanilla scent is faint in the midst of the maknaes’.
They’ve got two days to relax and rest, but Beomgyu has been spending half the first day already bedridden — dizzy and tired from his new medication, sluggish in a way that makes him feel nauseous. Occasionally, heat radiates from his body, while his muscles tense with incoming pain.
Another pill that could potentially fix him, however, Beomgyu holds no big hopes for it
The scent of his mates blooms into a harmony of love. Beomgyu’s jittery nerves calm a little whenever he takes a big gulp of air, as if he is starving for it.
“Hurts,” He mumbles, wriggling around the maknaes’ hold.
“Hyung.” Kai gathers him closer, running his hand through his messy hair, to his back. “Do you want some tea?”
What he wants is a painkiller that will knock him out, but he was strictly advised against taking anything that would interfere with his medication. Unfortunately, that also includes painkillers, at least until his body accommodates the new medication.
“It’s chamomile,” Soobin speaks up, sits by the end of the bed, and his warm hand settles on Beomgyu’s naked calf.
Beomgyu groans, digs his forehead into Kai’s shoulders. With a deep sigh, he slowly peels himself away from the limbs around his body and sits against the headboard. The shirt and shorts cling to him, and all Beomgyu want is to crawl out of his sweaty and sticky skin and lie on ice until he freezes into a cube.
“Chamomile is okay.”
It would be almost amusing how Kai and Soobin nearly trip over each other to get him the tea from the kitchen. Taehyun snorts next to him, holding his hand and gently caressing the inactive scent gland on his wrists. Every touch sends a jolt of energy through Beomgyu’s body, although he knows it’s not something that actually indicates his presentation is near.
These medications make him more sensitive to touch; it’s a simple side effect, not a sign.
“You should eat something too,” Taehyun suggests, supporting himself on his elbow. “You haven’t eaten anything yet.”
“I’m okay.”
“It’s an hour past noon.”
Beomgyu pursues his lips, and while sinking back into the warm sheets is inviting, Taehyun is right. He nods eventually, and Taehyun helps him out of the bed, staying close to him in case he gets a dizzy spell again.
And while the offer of ramen sounds good, all he can stomach right now is a half toast before he scrambles off the chair and runs into the bathroom, emptying his stomach into the toilet.
“Fucking… shit…”
He pants, collapsing against the tiles. They are cold and almost piercing against his clammy skin. He hangs his head between his knees, too heavy to keep it up.
“Hyung?”
“I’m okay.” He calls back, but doesn’t open the door.
Beomgyu gives himself a few long minutes — not only because he feels like a small breeze could knock him out, but because he really needs to reevaluate whether he wants to deal with this any longer.
While he is more than grateful that his doctor is hopeful and willing to try out new methods, Beomgyu is getting tired of it all. The experimentation phase, the way his body just seems to reject every medication, injection, hormone therapy and the rest. Their schedules are already exhausting, but these moments actually make him cry because what else could he do?
Frustration claws at him; he is too tired to get angry about the ineffective approaches.
He eventually hauls himself out of the bathroom — after a long shower and brushing his teeth — to find his mates in the living room. Soobin is on the phone, walking up and down. Beomgyu beelines towards the nesting room, collapsing into the soft mattress.
Is this really so much to ask from his body to present? He isn’t asking for immortality or to fly. It’s a perfectly normal, natural thing to present.
He sighs, burrowing himself underneath layers of blankets and grabs a plushie Kai brought over, cuddling it. It doesn’t take long before sleep claims him, and he falls into another restless nap.
Hours later, when he awakens, Yeonjun’s scent is the strongest that clings to him. He finds the older omega hugging him close over the blankets while he is whispering, either to Beomgyu or to someone. It takes Beomgyu a few seconds to determine which.
“That doesn’t sound good…” Yeonjun says. “And what did the doctor say?”
“If he continues to throw up by tomorrow, we should bring him in,” Soobin answers, his voice coming from close by. He is sitting by the headboard.
Yeonjun scoffs. “Why should we wait until tomorrow? He has been like this all morning. I think he is having a fever too.”
“I’m going to grab the thermometer.”
“I want to stop taking the meds.” Beomgyu suddenly says, and he can feel the room still. He blinks his eyes open; only the nightstand lamp is on, but even that is harsh.
The words catch his mates off guard. Soobin half off the bed, and Yeonjun slowly sits.
“What?”
“I don’t want to take it. Not this, not the injections… Nothing.”
“But-”
“They don’t help.” Beomgyu peeks his head out of the blankets. “I’m not presenting.”
Silence grows in the room. Beomgyu bites the inside of his cheeks and holds onto the edge of the blanket. He scans Yeonjun’s and Soobin’s faces; neither of them has expected this reaction from Beomgyu. Despite how gruelling it is, he never expressed his desire to stop it all.
It’s… Beomgyu doesn’t know what comes over him because the next thing he knows is that his vision blurs with tears, and a sob rips out of his chest. His mates are quick to swarm him.
“I just… I hate this. I want to get better, but nothing works, and it’s just… So frustrating. I don’t want to get sick every time we try something new, I don’t even hope for a result, just…” Beomgyu babbles on, clutching onto someone’s hand while another one holds his shoulder. “I’m tired.” He says, finally.
Yeonjun kisses his temple. “Okay, okay…” he soothes Beomgyu, and the younger snuggles closer to him, until his nose presses against Yeonjun’s scent glands.
“I will talk to Jisoo-hyung tomorrow,” Soobin whispers, letting Beomgyu cuddle closer to Yeonjun as he shakes. “And we can figure everything out. But try to rest today, okay?”
“It hurts.” Beomgyu whimpers, his whole body spasming with flares of burning pain.
Soobin kisses his cheeks. “It’s okay, it’s going to be okay.”
Their scent envelops Beomgyu in a warm cocoon of love and soothing words. They don’t help, but they distract Beomgyu enough for him to stop crying.
“Hyung? Why is hyung crying?” Kai peeks into the room, freshly showered, hair still dripping with water.
Not caring about it all, Kai crawls into the bed next to Yeonjun. Somehow, Beomgyu ends up half in both of their laps, huffing against their skin as their scent slowly soothes him. Soobin stays close too, holding onto Beomgyu’s hand that he refuses to let go.
Taehyun shows up too, back with bags from the convenience store near them. When he sees the state of Beomgyu, he doesn’t ask but gets into the bed too, spreading his scent until Beomgyu is almost scent drunk on all four of their scents.
In the dead of the night, cuddled by his mates, Beomgyu stares up at the ceiling. His eyes strain, and his head pounds as if a restless bunny took residence in his brain. He keeps thinking about how easy it would be if he just presented like the others, how easy it all would be if the burdens of their life didn’t take a toll on him.
It isn’t fair, far from it.
He sighs, moving around a little. Kai stirs next to him, but doesn’t wake. Instead, he holds Beomgyu closer. Taehyun mumbles something against his nape, but he can’t quite understand it.
And while he hates the way his body withholds from him what he wants the most, his heart is full of love.
Right now, that’s all Beomgyu has, and he clings to it desperately.