Chapter Text
Part I
Yushi doesn't know why this matters so much to him, but he cares anyway.
He doesn't complain out loud, not in front of alphas and betas who might dismiss him for being "too emotional" and "sentimental." He doesn't want to agree with them.
Marriage isn't that big a deal, is what his mother keeps saying when she sees her son's distraught face. "I also married your father this way, and I had a wonderful marriage full of protection and children whom I love."
Yushi doesn't tell her that he doesn't just want children to love or protection, but that he wants someone who will truly love him.
He knows that his mother learned to love his father, to tolerate him at least. His father was a cold and ungraceful alpha, without any manners who could provide financial support to his mother, who only touched her to procreate and who after conceiving never did it again.
Maybe Yushi is naive to expect a romantic story. That's not how things are done around here. He doesn't know anyone who married for love and not convenience.
But he can't do anything about it either; he has just a handful of things left to his name beyond the obligation to marry.
His family, which for many generations had rubbed shoulders with the wealthy with their good fortune up their sleeves, had begun to lose its power. His father, despite being a baronet, —whose noble title was even below that of a simple baron— had a lot of land at his disposal.
Yushi doesn't know why exactly they have lost their wealth despite having so much land; God forgive an omega for knowing, but he's not stupid enough not to notice the decline of their lifestyle.
The quality of the fabrics had declined. Many years ago, they had fired all the servants, leaving only a couple of housekeeper. They sold many of their horses, jewelry, and books. His mother said they were only gathering dust here, but Yushi knows better than that. His mother adored all those things.
His mother, without a doubt, was a woman who enjoyed wealth. Her own family didn't have much, no more than his father's family at the time of their wedding. But she had that hint, that quality, a bearing, an attitude that only people destined for money possess.
Yushi doesn't have it, not naturally. Silks don't fall on his skin as if they belong there, he can't walk gracefully, he isn't delicate, and he's not at all socially adept, all characteristics an upper-class omega would expect him to possess.
That didn't mean he enjoyed the apparent recent ruin of his family.
Being an omega, Yushi couldn't inherit. He would receive the title, in a more social way, but the money wouldn't be given to him unless he was married. But in any case, his father didn't seem to care about Yushi knowing how to handle his money, hoping his future husband would take care of that aspect.
He had complained to his father once, telling him he wanted to know, that ignorance is the worst thing that can happen in life. And his father, coarse, dry, and lacking in empathy, had responded, without even looking him in the eyes, "That's something your alpha should take care of. Only unworthy omegas feed on anything that isn't beneficial to their marriage."
But Yushi didn't care about being a good wife, not even a good omega. He couldn't care less about nurturing himself with knowledge about cooking, cleaning, and satisfying his husband if he didn't want to love him.
As an omega, he's supposed to be family-oriented, desperate for his children and an alpha to care for him.
And Yushi wants it! Don't missunderstand him. He wants a family of his own, but he wants a real family, an alpha whose scent blends perfectly with his own, a husband who desires him beyond what he can give him. He doesn't care if his alpha is a baronet, a knight or the damn prince of the nation.
But every time he mentions it, everyone seems to think he's wallowing in his own misery over a trivial detail, that love can appear even after marriage, even with pre-arranged dates, love shouldn't arrive just as a casual encounter.
But he wants a casual encounter, he wants it too much.
He's exaggerating, his mother continues, that's how things work, dear.
Yushi knows this is the case, and that doesn't mean he's happy about it.
Yushi doesn't say anything else that points the way to their inevitable marriage, which becomes very difficult over time when there are no candidates knocking at his door.
Although that's a lie, Yushi does have alphas and betas at his door asking for his hand in marriage—thanks to his mother, who keeps bringing them—, but all of them are... bad options.
Yushi tries to meet all the alphas and betas who walk through his living room, but keeps rejecting them.
The initial reasons are credible, and his mother and even his father agree. Always a different excuse: he was extremely poor; he was a man with a very poor social reputation; they were vile, swindling men whom no one would want to marry.
Then potential candidates keep arriving, and Yushi keeps rejecting them with lame excuses now: that they aren't well-read, that they hiss when they speak, that they have no interest in work, and others. Excuses that, although lacking of sense, his parents can understand.
And finally, Yushi starts finding such good candidates that he almost starts inventing reasons not to get married. That he's cross-eyed, that he only talks about money, that he misspell his name multiple times.
No candidate his mother brings seems to be good enough for Yushi. For many years, more than most omegas, he had been given the chance to reject or accept his future husband, but now that his mother seems to have realized that Yushi plans to reject every alpha and beta she finds, she doesn't think he can have any opinion.
And Yushi doesn't want an alpha who dresses in his finest clothes to drink tea while his mother spies through the door and lies to his face to appear more pleasant and attractive than he is.
He wants to meet his mate —alpha, beta, or omega— in an organic way, to truly get to know them, without the awkwardness of a marriage prospect on the table. He wants something genuine and not so... premeditated.
Of course, his mother doesn't think the same as him.
"That's enough, Yushi. We've given you many opportunities. We've introduced you to everyone from earls to knights, but it's clear you won't choose anyone with a good name." A good name was to his mother, any alpha who had more than three cents in his pocket and a noble title. "So from now on, I'll take care of the commitment."
"But I don't want to-"
"I do not care what you want. It's no longer about what you want, but what you need. I won't let my only omega son be a hopeless spinster."
The woman keeps her word. It takes exactly tow months before she interrupts Yushi in his room, holding several papers between her fingers.
"This is your husband. You'll be getting married in four months. He's the son of the duke of Argos, you'll probably move in with him once the wedding is over, but they've agreed to have the celebration here." His mother throws the papers in his hands, letters, full of information about a certain Kim Daeyoung, whom Yushi has never heard of before. "Change your clothes. We'll go buy fabric for the dress."
And without saying anything else, Yushi's mother disappears behind the door, destroying his only and most precious wish.
…
To say Yushi is a mess for the next few weeks is an understatement.
He cries every day, and his mother complains that he can still get to love his husband, that he doesn't have to suffer so much, but Yushi cries at every opportunity anyway.
He's grieving, he tells himself, something he never had and never will.
It's ridiculous to grieve over a romance when he's engaged, because he is. His mother gives him the engagement ring, which is beautiful but leaves him with a heavy and unpleasant feeling in his throat every time he sees it.
Yushi can't talk about this with other omegas, they all seem to think his future marriage to a duke is wonderful, but he won't agree.
He's aware that his mother may be right. He may fall in love with this man, may come to want him, treasure him, even adore him.
But in the back of his head, there's a voice telling him that he can't decide to love him, only hope that he's capable of doing so. It's as if his wings have been cut off from the one thing he so desired.
He doesn't have time to grieve. With the wedding quickly approaching, Yushi has a lot on his plate to explain to his friends why this prosperous marriage was such a torture for him.
He spends time in multiple boutiques, trying on dresses, buying fabrics, choosing bouquets. He also gets enraged by the invitations, the flowers, the tablecloths, the food—practically everything. Yushi is starting to get tired, but he can't complain that his fiancé isn't doing anything because it's his family who is paying for every single expense.
The hardest part is the wedding dress.
Yushi wants to throw up every time he sees his reflection. His eyes are dull, and he has black circles hanging from his eyes like bags of stones.
The organization and hopelessness are taking their toll on him, and it shows in his body.
He ends up choosing the first dress he tries on, demands that all the measurements and alterations be made that same day, and then leaves the dress stored in the box where it was delivered until the wedding day, hoping he never has to see it again.
His mother is excited about the wedding. It's tradition for the mothers of the engaged couple to handle the wedding planning, or at least a large part of it. But since the mother of the heir to duke resides in Argos and can't make it before the wedding, she's left everything in his mother's hands—except for a few of her own wishes she wants fulfilled for the wedding.
His mother, luckily, has good taste, so Yushi simply nods to everything she suggests. It lightens the load in that sense.
But no matter how many flower shops she drags him to, or what color tablecloths they choose, nothing is as horrifying as the day his mother practically locks him in her bedroom just to talk.
"Yushi, you should know that, once married, you must satisfy your husband."
"Mom, please."
"It's important that you know this. If you want to satisfy your husband and bring your own children into this world..."
"Oh, dear lord, no."
"Don't be harsh, Yushi. Children are the most beautiful thing that can happen to an omega of our caliber."
"Mom, you really don't have to do this," Yushi insists, because even though he knows his mother's intentions are honest, he thinks he'll die if this conversation continues.
Yushi knows things. Maybe not the smallest details, but he knows the essentials, the necessary things. He's had access to the most sinful books that, if his mother knew, she'd scream. He also had a beta friend once who was incredibly scandalous. She had a kind of reputation in the city that Yushi didn't care about, but he knew his mother did. She showed him multiple works of art with levels of nudity inappropriate for an omega of his category.
And also, although the mothers of them didn't know it, the newlywed omegas from the neighborhood weren't ashamed to tell about the midnight encounters with their husbands. Yushi has heard multiple stories of how to act in bed with his husband, thank you.
He's also had heats already, he may not know the details but his inner omega doesn't seem to care when he demands for Yushi to find an alpha to knot him.
Yushi may still remain virginal and untouched, but only because he's a romantic. Only because he waited until he was in love before revealing himself completely naked and vulnerable to another.
Also because being caught engaging in such activities would be a disgrace to his family name. The fame of his family name was one of the few thing that had any value today in society, and he couldn't allow it to be tainted.
Even if Yushi didn't care about titles and money, he was conscious and responsible enough to admit that it would be social suicide to enter marriage as anything other than pure.
"But I must do it. It's my duty as a mother. The wedding is approaching, and I want you to be ready."
It's sweet. That his mother cares so much about his marriage but not about his desire to remain single is almost sweet.
Yushi tries to understand his mother, who is trying to ensure the safety of her only omega by marrying him off to someone who can provide a roof over his head, food, and who won't dishonor their dignity as a family. Yushi truly understands this in logical terms.
But Yushi can't help but look at her suspiciously, thinking that for his mother his desires aren't partial. He's crushed by the thought that he might never find anyone who believes his wishes are worthy of being fulfilled. He's terrified of this marriage becoming part of that "anyone".
"Mother, I know what I need to know. Don't worry," Yushi says, trying to be brief and not have to mention those sinful books he'd read, or even his former, scandalous friend.
"Do you know?"
"Yes, Mother."
"And how do you know?"
"Mother, don't you think I've reached my advanced age without any idea of what goes on inside a marriage?" Keep it short. "I haven't been involved in any dishonorable activity, if that's what you think, I can promise you that."
That doesn't reassure his mother, but at least it avoids the awkward conversation for now.
Although he wishes it weren't true, his mother is right about one thing: the wedding is too close, and before he knows it, it's the night before.
Yushi has escaped the bachloret partie his mother had planned for him. It's a nice touch, and he enjoys it for the first few hours, receiving gifts and chatting about life's latest news, but it all too quickly becomes stifling.
The omega children of his mother's friends had been invited—more for the heat of the event than for the bond between them, which is nonexistent, it's worth clarifying.
Both omegas and betas spend the first few hours pretending not to be interested in Yushi's fiancé, but as soon as they can, they start talking about it. They try to be subtle, but it doesn't work at all.
"What is he like?" says Kazuha, who has always been kind to him, despite them not being particularly close.
"I have no idea. He hasn't contacted me yet. I'll meet him tomorrow."
Yushi answers honestly. The heir to duke hasn't written a single letter to his address, and Yushi doesn't know exactly how to feel about it. It offends him, in part, but at the same time, he doesn't want to have anything to do with that man.
All Yushi knows about his fiancé is what his soon-to-be mother-in-law has said, describing him as kind and understanding, but those words may be sugarcoated so that Yushi doesn't decide to run away from his marriage before the wedding.
He certainly has the will, that's just the way it is.
"He must be handsome, all nobles are," another girl mentions behind his back.
He want to say that he's a noble too, in fact, everyone here is a lower-ranking noble— they are sons and daughters of knights, baronets and esquires. But Yushi knows she's referring to the higher-ranking nobles.
Yushi doesn't believe that's the case; in fact, he doubts it, but he hasn't met many high-nobles in his life to be able to confirm or deny anything, so he lets the omegas around him chat without intervening.
To be frank, Yushi hasn't given much thought to what his fiancé might look like, as that aspect isn't really of interest to him. However, he's not ashamed to admit that he hopes he's a man who's at least handsome.
But the reality is that as long as he is not a vile and cruel man, Yushi can surpass any level of ugliness.
He can't help but think that if his future mother-in-law hasn't mentioned anything about his physical appearance, something of utmost importance to the greatest omegas in society, it must be because he doesn't actually exhibit any signs of beauty. He just hopes the woman hasn't lied about her son's kind and understanding nature.
"It doesn't matter if he's handsome," says Kazuha's cousin, Rei, who is sipping the bottom of her tea. Yushi is excited by the intervention, finally feeling he can express his true feelings about this marriage. "But he must have a lot of money. He's a duke at the end of the day."
Just like that, Yushi once again becomes discouraged by the conversation. "He's not a duke yet, he's the heir," he says.
"Well, if they're presenting him as heir to society, he shouldn't be long before he assumes the position," says another girl whose name Yushi doesn't remember. "Is his father sick or something?"
Yushi shrugs, he doesn't really know.
The only thing he knows about the Kim family's organization is that his father is already very old, but he doesn't know anything about an illness or a deathbed, so he doesn't want to assume the worst. He also knows, because his mother told him, that the heir is actually the youngest of the brothers, but his older brother had abandoned the title.
Yushi knows that this older brother is a beta, so he's not sure if Daeyoung would inherit the position anyway just because he's an alpha.
It's well known, at the end of the day, that alphas are always the first choice as heirs; betas have their caveats, and the omegas are forgotten in the conversation. Although the term forgotten is incorrect, because that would mean they were part of the conversation and then left behind, but that is not the case; inheriting titles has never been an option for omegas, who are born with little and die with nothing.
The conversations continue, and Yushi barely escapes to his bedroom in search of solitude, a space not plagued by weddings, marriage, and his fiancé.
He reads books and plays the piano, stares out the window, and writes his last letters while looking at the suitcases at the side of the room, ready to be packed after the wedding.
Tomorrow the wedding will take place, and after the wedding night, early the next morning, they will pack their things in a carriage and leave for Argos, where his then-husband resides.
He knows little about the residence other than that it's a palace, and he knows even less about who lives there, but Yushi can assume the entire family is there.
Yushi can't help but wonder how his mother found a husband for him with so much money, given that his family no longer has anything to his name beyond anecdotes about their wealth and power. He decides to hope for the best and not question the tricks his mother is capable of.
The wedding, at least in theory, will be beautiful. His dress, which is still hanging in the closet, is divine. It's not huge, nor is it voluminous, as that was the only requirement Yushi demanded when purchasing it.
It had volume, but not much, less than the most traditional customs demanded at least. But it was no less beautiful. His arms, shoulders and neck were covered in the most delicate lace they could find. The fabric, white silk, hugs his body to his waist, and the skirt falls, completely covering his feet.
The train of the dress isn't exaggerated; however, the veil is miles long; meters and meters of lace fall down his back and drag on the floor when he walks. It was one of the Kim family's requirements, something about it being the tradition in the country for royalty.
Yushi doesn't know anything about Argos's traditions; he just hopes they aren't too different from those of Monakira, as he hopes their adaptation will be easy and pleasant.
Yushi can't remember anything about the wedding beyond what he should say and do. He's been to weddings before, just a few, and he was too young at the time to be interested in the details and cordiality worthy of the event.
His mother has been in charge of teaching him absolutely everything these past few days. It's exhausting.
The way to walk, the way to stand, the way to eat, the way to dance. Everything has a proper procedure, and not following it could be seen as disrespectful to the Kims and all the guests.
Yushi, just for his mother's sake, decides to keep his word, even though he doesn't care one bit about the opinions of the Argos royalty's upper class, much less now that he's moving to a damn palace out of the country.
The only good thing about the ceremony is that all he has to say is "I do," something easy to remember. Although at weddings, people tend to say vows, declaring love and prosperity; given that they'll be getting to know each other right there at the altar, there's no point in talking about each other's good qualities that they don't really know they possess.
Yushi ends up falling asleep with a knot in his stomach at the mere thought of the man with an unknown face saying "I do."
…
When he wakes up, the morning passes like a flash.
His mother wakes him almost screaming, shaking him out of bed. Yushi sadly looks at his bed sheets, thinking about how this is the last time he'll sleep in them.
Tonight, he won't be returning home. Instead, they'll head to the Kims' residence, where their wedding night will take place. The next day, he'll be heading to Argos.
This is, in fact, one of the last times he's at home. His stomach drops, and he feels like crying, but resists. He doesn't want to upset his mother, or cause her any problems in a day of this importance.
His mother has been working hard to make all of this as easy as possible for Yushi, knowing that he doesn't want any of this in the first place. But she's kind enough to ask for his opinion on everything and make it a priority. This wedding could be a nightmare for Yushi, but in reality, it's a bearable torture, in a way.
Two of the housekeeper prepare a hot bath for him. Yushi watches them carry buckets of steaming water and sees the soaps beside the tub, waiting to be used on his body. Yushi insists on helping, but his mother doesn't allow it, and he ends up sitting naked on a bench beside the tub, watching it eventually fill.
He bathes peacefully and quietly until the water cools. He applies cream to his skin and dresses in one of the few dresses he won't take to his next home.
Thinking of Argos as home is still strange. He can't say it out loud yet. He can't even say it to himself.
Argos has nothing of his own. Maybe it never will.
He doesn't have his family or friends, his customs, foods, or fashions. Argos is completely foreign to him and doesn't feel like home. His home is here, with his cheaper clothes and the few books that haven't sold.
His home is in Monakira, with a father who loves him but never shows it, and with his somewhat neurotic but loving mother.
His home, although sometimes cruel and malicious with his desires, is familiar, and he knows it has a place for him.
And now he's going to a place that knows nothing about him, nor about them. It's completely unknown, and Yushi fears, for the first time in his life, that he won't find safety; he fears being locked in a tiny little house with no way out with people who see him as nothing more than a wife, an omega hanging off the arm of his alpha, whose desires, ambitions, and opinions are no deeper than the depth of a bowl of soup.
Yushi tries to keep his hopes high, but he's too negative for his own good and continues to choke himself up at the mere thought of not being able to return to this room.
The rest of the day is spent bursting into tears and holding them back. He settles on the final details of the ceremony; he has to go check at the church where the wedding is taking place —a beautiful classical church with soaring ceilings and gold decorations in every corner that Yushi hadn't even imagined paying for for his wedding— to make sure everything is in place. He must also go to the Kim compound, where the party will be held after the ceremony.
The Kim compound is a huge summer mansion, however, summer hasn't arrived yet, so it had been prepared and cleaned just for the wedding of the family's youngest son.
The house has the most beautiful architecture, high ceilings, arches in every doorway, chandeliers with thousands of candles, and paintings dating back centuries hanging on the walls. It's beautiful, but it's noticeably lifeless.
According to what the housekeeper tells him when he arrives, the Kim family rarely uses the house on vacation, having lost the habit of leaving their country in recent years.
However, the house was actually a gift, although the word gift is too big: it was actually part of an alliance treaty between Monakira and Argos that took place many generations ago, after years of politicals arguments and friction.
Yushi doesn't have time to wander around much; he can barely see the courtyard, filled with early spring flowers, nor can he appreciate the art. He comes to check that all the seats and guests are arranged correctly. He doesn't know half of the names, as they are guests of the Kim family, but the housekeeper seems very in touch with the family and seems to know everyone. She even gives Yushi advice on how to treat each guest; he only hopes he can remember it, given the number of them.
There are many, many guests. It's not an normal event where the son of a duke the one who gets married. Apparently, everyone seems to want to be part of the ceremony.
Add to that the fact that the fiancée of the heir apparent is a foreigner—a foreigner from a country with a long list of political negotiations in between. They are all interested in meeting him for different reasons, as the Kim family's housekeeper makes clear.
"We were surprised that the heir Daeyoung accepted the proposal," says the woman. She seems to be his mother's age "Not because of you, Sir. Tokuno, of course."
"Yushi is fine." Being called Sir. Tokuno reminds him of his father, and it's never sounded familiar, but soon it won't be his last name either.
"Okay, Sir. Yushi, it's not because of you that we're both astonished, but the heir, Daeyoung, hadn't seemed interested in marriage before. Let me tell you that the heir was already engaged to Countess Sintma, Lady Wonyoung. Everything seemed to be going well, but the marriage was called off almost a year ago for reasons unknown to society. We believed the heir wouldn't be interested in marriage again, especially with someone from far away. The duke's family was very interested in rising within the nobility of their country."
Yushi doesn't respond. What was he supposed to say after such information?
He went from knowing nothing about his fiancé to finding out not only about an old engagement but also that, apparently, it was nothing more than a twist of fate that made him Kim Daeyoung's fiancé.
Yushi family was far of political business lately; his father lost the interest on it years ago, relying only on the collection of fees for the use of the land in their name.
He can't help but awe why he suddenly cancelled the engagement with such a lady, if it seemed so beneficial.
Yushi remains silent for too long, which alerts the housekeeper who walks beside him, leading the way.
"Oh, Sir. Tokuno, I'm so sorry. Those comments I made were in very poor taste. I wasn't trying to be insensitive or heartless with you. I beg your pardon." The woman looks genuinely distressed.
"Please I beg you to call me Yushi, and there's nothing to apologize for."
When he finishes checking the guests, the tables, the flowers, the menu, and the music, he retires to a room where many of his belongings have already been brought, including some personal hygiene items, a couple of books for the morning of the trip, and mainly the clothes he'll be wearing tomorrow after the wedding (the Kim family allowed him to wear his own clothes instead of the ones originally from Argos, as initially planned). Among them is the dress for the wedding night. Yushi almost throws up when he sees it on the hanger.
It's made of a soft, sheer fabric, of beautiful quality and, from what he can gather, cool for the spring nights that tend to get warm at this time of year.
Yushi imagines the fabric against his skin. It must feel good, he thinks. But then remembers that this fabric is only expected to stay on her body for less than a few hours.
He doesn't know what the wedding night traditions are in Argos, but he's sure they hold the same activities as those in his own homeland.
The fabric is so thin that his skin could show through; it would barely cover anything, even if the fabric covered everything from his chest to below his knees. It's undoubtedly made for the privacy of a marriage, not for others to see.
Yushi blushes at the thought of wearing this poor fabric over his body while waiting for his husband.
His husband, whom he hasn't met yet and from whom he doesn't know what to expect from him. Yushi only wishes that Kim Daeyoung wouldn't be rough with Yushi's body or emotions, but primarily with his body. Yushi can endure, at least for a while, the emotional blows, but he doesn't think he can recover from the violence in front of his nakedness.
He leaves the relic before remaining a second longer wondering about someone he doesn't even know.
He returns to his house where some maids are already halfway ready for the wedding. His wedding dress hangs waiting for him.
To say Yushi pays attention to his surroundings would be a lie. Some maids change him while he lets them maneuver him. They happily put makeup on him, dress him, and perfume him while Yushi continues to look around his room for the last time in who knows how long.
Yushi will miss his home, he will miss the warm mornings under the sheets, he will miss the sonata his mother played on the piano after lunch, and he will miss the smell of his father's tobacco.
He will miss everything about about Monakira. He will miss the accent, and he will miss the smell of food that fills the streets. He will miss everything he once saw and owned, which will now be only part of a memory, memories he will return to when the unfamiliar Argos becomes uncomfortable and hostile.
Yushi looks out the carriage window the entire ride to the church, trying to recognize faces, shops, and entire streets. He tries to breathe deeply even though the dress is too tight. He tries to steady his hands when the bouquet of flowers is placed between them before opening the door and changing down the aisle.
He has a veil covering his face, and he can't see anything clearly except where he's walking. The transparency of the lace is little, he cannot recognize faces and guests probably cannot see his either.
Yushi does his best not to stumble. Heel, toe, heel, toe.
He does his best to straighten his back and lift his forehead. Heel, toe, heel, toe.
His fiancé is in front of him, and in reality, even if he isn't, Yushi doesn't think he can see his face clearly while the veil obscures his vision. Heel, toe.
Maybe it's not the veil, maybe the cloudiness of his vision has less to do with the veil and more with being on the verge of fainting from the lack of air in his lungs. He hopes at least to faint once he finishes walking down the aisle.
Heel, toe, heel, toe, heel, toe.
He manages to finish the walk without sensing at a single familiar aroma to avoid being distracted or overcome by the desire to go in the opposite direction.
Once there, Yushi doesn't look at his husband. He can't see him. He doesn't want to either.
Yushi almost wishes he didn't have to, that his husband's appearance was nothing more than anonymity in his mind. Giving him a name already made him inhumanly real, but giving him a face, and worse, a personality, whatever that might be, would only disgust Yushi.
Disgusted because this isn't what he wanted. He didn't want a wedding without a romance, a wedding that doesn't feel like his own. Yushi decided every detail of this ceremony with his mother, from the priest to the color of the flowers. Every little detail was planned, and yet, the only thing he wanted to have a say in was who his husband would be, but it had been snatched away from him.
He has the chance, he thinks fleetingly, to run away, to let go of a shaky apology and run away to wherever, to a place where his last name means nothing, where there's no honor to uphold, where he might, with luck, find someone to share his life with and decide that's how he wants it.
The idea is far-fetched. He looks at his mother—or who he assumes is his mother, since he can't clearly recognize anyone—sitting in the front row.
Running away would devastate her, not only socially (Yushi couldn't stop thinking the mockery and scorn his mother would suffer if her only omega son decided to escape a prosperous marriage to a duke), but emotionaly. His mother, who has only wanted for Yushi since she brought him into the world was provide him the best possible opportunities.
Yushi knows that for his mother, the best thing he can do is go through with this marriage, giving her the assurance that he won't depend on them until the day she dies, and that Yushi will even be financially well-established to the point of facilitating businesses and accommodations even to them.
This marriage is a business, Yushi knows this. He knows that his father could benefit from now being legally bound to a duke. They may not have as much money or power as before, but his father is a skilled businessman, and he could take advantage of his son's new title.
And when death eventually catch them, the duke could benefit from the land of his family.
Yushi swallows his discomfort, deciding that this marriage will be nothing more than that: a tax break, a business. And then, if he's lucky, if Kim Daeyoung is as understanding as his mother says he is, he'll find a way out. He doesn't know what it is yet, but he'll find one. He'll try, at least.
He doesn't even have to be his husband's friend, he shouldn't wear his ring, his new last name will be nothing more than a formality. He can do this. He'll pull it off. He has to.
"Tokuno Yushi, do you accept Daeyoung as your husband, to love and cherish, from this day forward, through prosperity and adversity, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?"
"Yes, I do."
"Kim Daeyoung, do you accept Yushi as your husband, to love and cherish, from this day forward, through prosperity and adversity, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?"
"Yes, I do."
This is the first time Yushi has heard Daeyoung's voice, and he must grant the man the favor of not sounding like an unpleasant being.
"Then, I now pronounce you Husbands. You may kiss."
Daeyoung lifts Yushi's veil. He can notice that Daeyoung's hands are trembling slightly, but trying poorly to hide it. With the veil off his eyes, he can see, for the first time, his now-husband.
Kim Daeyoung is handsome. Yushi is relieved by this.
The future duke has bright eyes and thin lips. He smiles at him, somewhere between friendly and shy; there's even a faint blush above his nose
He's taller than Yushi by a good few inches, and his shoulders look broad with his suit on them. Yushi can't scan him completely, so he focuses on his face. He has slightly hooded eyes and high cheekbones, his face is small, and Yushi is sure he's not the only single omega in his correspondence asking to marry him.
In fact, Yushi is sure more than one omega must have thrown themselves at the heir in search of fleeting nights in his arms. There must be no other option. His hands are large and he looks strong beneath his clothes. His hair falls perfectly over his forehead. His appearance ranges from an adorable puppy to a handsome nobleman, as if he doesn't know which one to keep, as if he's decided to be both tonight.
Daeyoung, the heir to duke of Argos, the youngest of the Kim brothers, is handsome, terrifyingly handsome. Yushi can't describe how his head spins and his chest melts when the man gives him a sweet smile and whispers, almost shyly, "Hi."
Kim Daeyoung could be cruel, evil, and a tyrant to Yushi, who is now nothing more than his omega, an omega for show and flaunt. However, this young man seems as overwhelmed as Yushi. A far cry from the idea of an old, machiavellian man that Yushi had imagined all this time.
The alpha leans in awkwardly, as if he wants to give him space at the same time. He's charming, truly charming. Yushi has to remind himself to keep his guard up.
The kiss is barely a pressure on their closed lips, lasting only a few seconds, during which Yushi doesn't manage to close his eyes before the man pulls away completely. He takes his hand and admires their family's cheers. Yushi imitates him before letting go of his hand.
The wedding is no less beautiful, but Yushi doesn't have much of a chance to admire it as he sips wine, one glass after another, trying to forget that this will be the last time he'll see his family and friends. He doesn't quite archive it.
There's music playing all the time, waiters walking around with appetizers on trays that Yushi accepts without hesitation, as well as every glass of wine that comes with them.
He spends his time away from his now-husband. He doesn't know if Daeyoung has noticed and doesn't care; or if he hasn't noticed, but he keeps his distance almost always.
Yushi slips away to talk to his mother, who showers him with affection and praise but criticizes him for the empty glass of wine in his hand. He also speaks with his father for only a few moments, who looks at him with tears in his eyes. He had never seen his father like that.
"Is something wrong? Something happened?"
"Mmm-hmm, it's your wedding, we'll talk later," says with a smile.
Yushi bites his tongue to tell him there's no later. That after this party, he'll escape to the bridal chamber, and in the morning, as soon as he wakes up, he'll be in a carriage bound for Argos. Then, days later, he'll be at the duke's palace, where he'll live with his now-husband, far and away from them.
Daeyoung doesn't seem cruel, but Yushi still doesn't know the limits of his kindness.
Will Yushi be able to travel to see his family? Or will his new husband not allow him to travel outside the border? Will the duke's family allow him to receive them at the palace? Or will their home be closed to those other than Kim?
Will Yushi be able to receive and send letters from his loved ones? Or will he just be an omega without desires or opinions, like so many others who pass through the arms of the powerful alphas of the nobility?
Yushi won't have another chance to find out what his father thinks, and yet, decides he is right; it's not the right time to talk about it either.
The music suddenly stops and the dance floor clears. In the middle, his now-husband, holding out a hand in his direction.
It takes him a few long seconds to realize it's time for the first dance.
His breath falters in his chest as he approaches him. He knows this dance by heart, but he hasn't practiced it with Daeyoung even once. He hopes his nerves don't make him stumble. He hopes the wine has infused all the shame in his body. He hopes the appetizers he's been gorging on since the beginning of the party stay in his stomach.
He follows the well-practiced steps like steps in a cooking recipe. So close to him Yushi can notice the strong aroma of pine, nothing similar to his own smell of vanilla and sea salt. The fact that their aromas do not match is a bad omen for this marriage, he thinks.
Yushi looks past Daeyoung's eyes, trying not to show anything in his own, but he thinks he's failing.
"Are you having a good time?" Daeyoung asks. Thoughtful.
"It's a beautiful wedding," he replies.
Daeyoung pauses as they separate for the dance, and when they face each other again, he says, "I might say it is. You organized it wonderfully," and then, belatedly, adds, "But do you like it?"
Yushi hesitates briefly. How much does he want to share of himself with this man he doesn't know? It's ironic to resist so much when Yushi already has his last name, with whom he'll soon be living, and whose children, God willing, he'll bear. Yushi shudders at the thought of carrying a stranger's children, the product of the royalty expectations.
He likes the wedding. It wouldn't be a lie to say it; it's beautifully organized, the music is a delight, the food is delicious. Everything has gone as it should.
But he knows Daeyoung isn't asking him about the organization, the food, or the music. He decides to tell the truth. Maybe he decides so because the wine clouds his better judgment, or maybe because Daeyoung hasn't shown himself to be cruel even once since he met him—which was a few hours ago, but he's had the opportunity to be so.
"It is not how I pictured it, to be honest" he decides to say.
"Can I ask how did you picture it then?" They separate again for a moment, dancing. They circle around each other, far from him, Yushi can see that his legs are long and strong, his head spinning from the liquor and the dancing.
When they get close again he answers, more determined than before "I pictured with someone I loved" he pauses briefly to see Daeyoung's reaction, and when he doesn't receive anything he adds "I wanted to marry for love, and I'm not trying to look down on you, you're obviously a wonderful fiancé and I'm sure you'll be a wonderful husband," he lies, because in reality he doesn't know if that's true. "But I hoped to be able to marry someone who I could love and not just for the beneficial qualities that a marriage brings to society"
Daeyoung seems to analyze his response, and instead of being dismissive of Yushi, he instead asks, "Are you romantic, Yushi?"
It's the first time he's heard his name in the man's mouth. A buzz takes over his body, and he has to use all his strength not to flinch.
"You could say I am, indeed" he sees the Adam's apple in Daeyoung throat rise and fall. "I don't want you to be offended. I simply hadn't expected my mother to find me a husband so quickly, and without hesitation, I didn't expect you."
"I don't take offense. I understand that my new intentions of marriage can be interpreted as abrupt."
Yushi bites his lip to avoid correcting him. He has no doubt that the heir's abrupt intentions of marriage could raise eyebrows in society, however, that's not what surprises him.
What surprises Yushi is how the duke's family had chosen, from among all the possible choices that the heir could have, an old landowner from Monakira, with whom he had never had previous contact, as far as he knows.
Yushi was an omega with nothing to offer. Perhaps, for someone who doesn't have much, his last name and heritage might be beneficial, but for an duke, who has plenty of fortune and power, an omega much older than the matchmaker's age would be of no help at all.
In fact, Yushi was the one who saw himself benefiting most from this union, and he doubted very much that Daeyoung could gain anything from it. Apart from the political aspect of it.
His father may not have kept Yushi especially up-to-date on business matters, but he's savvy enough to know that Monakira has been in multiple peace treaties with Argos for decades. A duke marrying a Monakira landowner must have benefits, but no more than the benefits a landowner receives from marrying a duke.
The dance ended, and Yushi's father quickly asked him to dance. He lost sight of Daeyoung in his father's tobacco-scented arms, then passed through the arms of all the guests. He twirled and twirled without stopping until his feet ached and he couldn't stand.
He glanced sideways and in the distance to see Daeyoung dancing with all the omegas, married and single, who came to congratulate him on his marriage.
Yushi tried to get the image of his husband smiling at him out of his mind. So he drank wine and ate, and danced, and chatted, and wandered around, trying to keep his distance from the alpha.
Yushi doesn't know if Daeyoung notices or doesn't care, but he doesn't come over to ask.
…
Yushi leaves the dance when the alcohol begins to make him dizzy in ways that are becoming unrecoverable.
Yushi, who is experienced with wine, decides that the smoothness of his tongue will be a problem in the future and asks one of the duke's guards to guide him to his room. He stumbles easily and almost falls three times on the way, but Yushi swears he's not that drunk.
The guard escorts him to the bridal chamber. He arrives just as two housekeepers (one he recognizes as the one who greeted him earlier today when she came to check on the arrangements) are leaving his nightgown hanging in the dressing room.
Yushi asks them for help before they go to undo the laces of his corset, and although both hesitate, they end up granting the omega's wish.
He observes the bridal chamber. The bed is larger than necessary, covered in expensive-looking quilts and the finest fabrics. The walls are decorated with a few paintings and a mirror. Despite the enormous space, there isn't much to admire other than the ceiling finish.
The first thing he does is take off the gloves he'd been wearing since the ceremony, a Argos custom, but also a Monakira one. They were off-white, silk, light and intricate, made especially for him. Each thread of the fabric hugged his palms like a second skin, but Yushi wasn't used to wearing them; they made him uncomfortable with everything he held.
Luckily, this would be the only event where he'd have to wear them; once he's married, there's no need to wear them anymore.
He finishes undressing himself behind the dressing screen, and removes the heavy fabrics one by one until he's left with nothing but his skin. The fresh spring air smacks his skin, giving him chills.
Springs here in Monakira are the friendliest. He's never been to Argos; he hopes the weather will be kind to him as well. He hopes it's at least similar to Monakira's, then there'll be something to remind him of home.
Hanging on the edge of the dressing screen is a hanger with the nightgown designated for sleeping.
He grasps it in his fingers. The fabric is so delicate that it's almost a shame to have to use it for something as mundane as sleeping, or worse, dozing.
The thought hits him like a bucket of cold water.
He hadn't thought all night about what would happen within these four walls, and now, he couldn't think of anything else.
It's not that he's waiting for the moment; quite the opposite, in fact. Now that he's gotten a glimpse of Daeyoung's expression, he can say he doesn't seem like the violent, opportunistic type—if the shy kiss shared at the ceremony is any indication of his further activities.
However, Yushi is well aware of how men, and especially alphas, can show off their best angles and completely different ones minutes later. Yushi really doesn't want to expect that from Daeyoung, but how could he do anything else?
Yushi will give in, he decides almost belatedly as he lets the fabric fall against his skin. He'll do whatever Daeyoung asks from him tonight, for the sake of this marriage, for the sake of his family, who will say goodbye to him tomorrow morning for the last time.
Yushi doesn't want to have to endure the pain, or the suffering of being hurt by his now-husband, but even so, he has nothing else. His value, as an omega, as a son, as a husband, will depend solely on his ability to endure suffering from now.
He mustn't make a scene, not on his wedding night, not the day before leaving for Argos. It would be a disaster, coming down the stairs covered in tears, in just a slip that covered nothing, begging for mercy, begging for the marriage to be annulled. What would his mother do with that? Would she force him back to this room? Would she welcome him back into her home?
He decides to resist, because it's the only way to face his new reality. For now, that's what he'll do: say yes, not make a fuss, not ask, or make any wishes. And then, in the future, if Daeyoung is as understanding as he has been up until now, he'll be able to leave.
Daeyoung hasn't shown any particular interest in him. In fact, it seems this marriage is a formality, only a business deal for him. He doesn't seem averse to Yushi, and if he's lucky enough, Daeyoung will understand his desire for something real and let him escape without searching for him or stopping him in his way out.
When Yushi emerges from behind the dressing screen, determined to face whatever the night brings, he finds Daeyoung sitting barely on the edge of the bed, holding the gloves he'd left on the dresser next to the bed in his bare hands.
Daeyoung doesn't notice him immediately, but when he does, he stands up straight, perhaps out of habit of standing up to greet anyone of higher rank than him when they enter a room. By being the youngest in the family, that meant that everyone was of a higher rank than him in terms of titles being discussed.
"Hey," the alpha says as a greeting and gives him a sweet smile.
All the courage Yushi'd mustered seconds before crumbles to ash. He can not do this, he doesn't want to do this. Any sign of drunkenness has vanished with the fear of being harmed, hurt, for this alpha.
Yushi lifts his chin high, and without a word, he circles the bed and lies down staring at the ceiling.
Daeyoung, fully dressed in his wedding suit, blinks in confusion, and Yushi can see the hint of a smirk. "What are you doing?"
"I'm ready," he declares. Yushi's doing his best to control his scent, but he doesn't think he's doing a good job— he has never been good at it. Nerves and anxiety ooze from every pore. Daeyoung doesn't need to be an alpha to realize that, Yushi's fear is all over the place.
"Okay..." he says, watching Yushi take a deep breath to calm down. "I just came to check on you. You seemed a little dizzy earlier, I was afraid that you'd felt sick."
This takes Yushi by surprise. "Oh," he blurts out. "I'm fine, better...fine"
"Great," Daeyoung says, his smile seeming genuine. Yushi is very confused. Where's the nudity, the sin, and, God forbid, the violence and pain he'd prepared himself for? "I'll go now, then. Rest, we have a long journey tomorrow morning."
Yushi doesn't have a chance to reply when Daeyoung runs to the door and disappears, his gloves still in his hands, taking them with him.
Yushi breathes a sigh of relief when he realizes Daeyoung wasn't joking and has, in fact, left. He hears the maids whispering behind the door and already knows there will be rumors in the morning, but he doesn't allow himself to think about it now.
He settles into the middle of the bed and doesn't sleep for a while, still waiting for the alpha to reappear, repentant and ready to subdue him against his will.
But that never happens, and Yushi sleeps peacefully through the night.
...
Part II
Their first day as a married couple begins without a word being exchanged.
Yushi awoke to two maids helping him get ready. They allowed him to bathe, but Yushi refused, it was too early and a waste of water. They then helped him change into a cool, comfortable dress for the trip and then gave him some fresh fruit to eat.
Neither of them asks questions about the night before; they probably don't want to be inappropriate. By this point, there must be rumors among the maids about his husband's whereabouts the night before. Yushi knows they saw him leave the bridal chamber in the same condition he entered, and it's been too short a time to even hint at anything they could have done.
Yushi doesn't hear any rumors. Obviously, the maids won't share them with him, but it would be a lie to say he isn't dying of curiosity to know the maids' opinions. Although, thinking about it carefully, they're probably criticizing his ability to please the heir's urges.
The carriage ride isn't as long as it could be, but it lasts all morning. They arrive at the port at noon and eat at a restaurant that Yushi would never have allowed to pay for something as mundane as waiting to board a ferry.
On the ferry, it's a different story.
The journey takes approximately twenty hours, mostly spent successfully avoiding his husband, with the extra time spent admiring the scenery and writing letters.
He writes to his mother. It's not really a letter, but just things he wants to remember to mention in his next letter, which he'll write once he's back on land.
On the ferry, there's nothing to do. Yushi strolls near the water, but he gets seasick quickly. He reads, eats, and then, when night approaches and there are still many hours of travel left, he goes to his cabin to sleep.
He has a cabin to himself, at Daeyoung's request, something he must deeply appreciate later if he has a chance.
Throughout the entire trip, Daeyoung hasn't spoken to him about anything other than extreme necessity. Yushi says this in the kindest way possible; he prefers it that way.
Daeyoung has been understanding with Yushi, has given him space, only speaking to him when Yushi stares at him, and as soon as Yushi stops answering, Daeyoung stops asking questions. He makes sure that all needs are met. This is the best possible scenario so far for this unwanted scene.
Not because of that Yushi would trust him immediately. Daeyoung has noticed that Yushi looks at him suspiciously most of the time, almost waiting for him to put his foot in it, to make a mistake worthy of writing a fiery letter to his family describing how his husband is a monster and they need to get Yushi out of here as soon as possible.
So far, the only thing worthy of criticism about the alpha is the amount of spice he uses to eat his food.
It's best to keep his distance. Yushi fears that if he manages to empathize with him, he'll soon develop some kind of affection for their legal bond, which would complicate his escape in the future. As long as Daeyoung is only the man with whom he shares an alliance, in a few months he'll be hiding in some tavern and starting a new life, a free life.
The ferry arrives at Lonaki port around midnight, and Yushi is woken up by an unfriendly jolt and sent into a carriage with his husband and two men he doesn't know at all.
"Have you managed to rest, lord Yushi?" one of them asks, the one sitting next to Daeyoung, right in front of him.
"Just a little."
"Well, in that case, you can rest until you reach the main house, but I'm afraid it's a short trip. You can rest better in your bedroom once we arrive," he says conversationally. Yushi wishes he could respond appropriately, but he's so tired that he's unable to articulate a word or make anything coherent out of it.
The man doesn't seem to mind the lack of response, and while Yushi slumps down in the carriage seat in search of a few minutes of rest, he turns to Daeyoung to murmur a new conversation that has little to do with him.
When Yushi opens his eyes again, he's standing in front of the Kim family house, the main house, as they call it, but it looks like a palace.
Night stretches across the place, and although there are many people with candles lighting the path, Yushi is still too tired to notice anything. The men who had accompanied them had already gotten off the carriage. Daeyoung was still sitting in front of him, watching him wake up in silence.
"We've arrived," he announces, and Yushi has to restrain himself from rolling his eyes at the obviousness of the statement. "I know my home may seem foreign for now, but we can adapt to your comfort, you just have to say it."
Yushi is too tired for this conversation; he can't begin to tell him that what he wants isn't to adapt, but to leave. He doesn't want to make this place comfortable; he wants to run away from it and never return.
Yushi nods and watches his husband get out of the carriage. As he prepares to get out, Daeyoung extends a hand to help him. Yushi blinks; Daeyoung's bare hand waiting for his seems more intimidating than it should.
He isn't wearing his gloves, as he's already a married omega, and there's no need for it. In fact, it's expected that he would take his husband's hand, but Yushi can't bear the thought of touching him. He ignores the extended hand and gets out on his own. Daeyoung remains with his hand extended for a few seconds as he watches him get out.
He seems disappointed, and Yushi shakes off any trace of guilt.
A housekeeper guides him through the palace in complete silence. Yushi doesn't know if Daeyoung is following him. He hears footmen walking around them carrying their suitcases and possessions, but there are too many scents around him to be able to identify the alpha's.
Yushi has never been good with scents; he often can't identify them and usually confuses them. His lack of skill is surprising for a healthy omega, but he's never given it any thought.
Yushi is too exhausted from the trip to pay attention to the main house. It's more of a palace than a house, though Yushi has never been in one before, but it's similar to how he imagined it. There are thousands of rooms, candles, paintings—there's so much of everything, and every part of it sparkles and gleams with its richness.
The palace is cold, probably because it is the middle of the night, but the room to which the housekeeper shows him—his bedroom, probably—is warm.
There's a stove by the door that lights and heats the space, it seem recently ignite. There is an enormous amount of space; the bed is nestled between two large windows, there is a dressing table, a writing desk, a big closet, a small table with matches chairs, and even a little sofa.
The bed has a beautiful canopy, and Yushi can't stop staring at the carpet that covers the floor.
Everything is so beautiful that Yushi can't believe any of this belongs to him now. It's undignified; he feel like a vagabond entering a gold mine.
"Is this the bridal room?" Yushi asks the housekeeper.
"Oh, no, lord Yushi, this is your private room. The bridal room is in the east wing." When Yushi doesn't react, the housekeeper adds, "Lord Daeyoung told us that you might prefer a private room. Is that so?"
"Yes, that's correct, thank you very much," he says, as some footmen begin to enter and place the luggage boxes in the center of the room. "This...uh, where is this?"
"The North wing, lord Yushi."
A private room, a room just for him, away from his husband, away from the duke's family, away from everyone. Yushi's house wasn't big enough to be separated by wings, but he knew enough to know that it was far from him.
"That's not necessary," he tells the footmen, who begin to open their boxes and organize their belongings. Both men stop in their tracks. "I'd rather rest. I can take care of it myself in the morning."
The men nod, dissatisfied and relieved, and walk out the door, leaving only the boxes and the housekeeper in the room with Yushi.
"Let me tell you, lord Yushi," says the housekeeper, standing by the bedroom door, "and allow me to apologize if my comment seems impertinent, but since you are now the Lord's husband, you shouldn't be in charge of such tasks like guarding your own belongings; that's the job of subordinates."
The woman is slightly shorter than him, very slim, and very beautiful.
"What is your name?" Yushi asks, taking the woman by surprise, who stands up straight and even brushes the nonexistent dust off her skirt.
"Seulgi, lord Yushi."
"I see, I'm not used to having subordinates, Seulgi, so for now, I'd like to take care of my own mundane tasks, if you don't mind."
"I insist, lord Yushi. There are already lackeys who will gladly do it for you. You really shouldn't worry—"
"I insist, Seulgi," Yushi says, his tone is blunt and the woman stops struggling. She takes a deep breath and can see that Yushi won't back down from this argument.
"Correct, Lord Yushi. I'll leave so you can rest." The woman turns around, and before closing the door behind her, Yushi calls out to her.
"I'd also like you to call me Yushi. Lord is what you call my father."
"Of course, my Lo- Yushi. My apologies. I'll be leaving."
Yushi falls asleep as soon as he gets rid of his dress and throws himself on the sheets, with the heat from the fireplace warming the bedroom he doesn't even need to use the covers.
…
The next morning, as he leaves his room, ready to inspect the palace—and familiarize himself with the place that will be his dwelling for the time being—, he bumps into a man, an omega with the scent of sweet almonds.
"Lord Yushi, I'm glad you're awake. I am Maeda Riku, your councillor," the man introduces himself with a small bow.
"Uh... councillor?"
"Yes, Lord Yushi, each member of the family has one. I am at your service for any questions you may have. I am also in charge of helping you organize events when you are in charge of them, and I also run your errands and accompany you on a daily basis." The omega, Maeda Riku, has an impeccable demeanor, almost as tall as him, but without a dress. Instead, he wears a suit, probably some kind of uniform that Yushi is not aware of.
"What kind of errands?"
"Whatever you want, from sending letters, getting gadgets for your personal use, information you want to look up, a little bit of everything, similar to a lady companion."
Yushi nods silently and starts walking, hoping the man will disappear behind him, but he doesn't. He follows him down the stairs, and although he tries to ignore it, he can feel his own scent turning sour with stress.
Yushi has never had a lady companion before. He clearly knows of their existence, but he's never had one of his own. The omega's inexorable presence on his back is uncomfortable, like a weight he can't shake off.
"Riku, can you give me a tour around the palace?"
"Of course, lord Yushi."
"And please, call me Yushi, not lord Yushi."
"It's against protocol, lord Yushi."
"What protocol?"
"We palace workers must call the duke's family by their title. Since you've marry the duke's son, you will be called lord Yushi until your husband accedes to the duke title. After that, you will also be called duke."
"Oh, I see," says Yushi.
Riku calls him lord Yushi throughout the tour, and Yushi hates it. He'll talk to someone—he doesn't know who yet—about it later. He's not sure what kind of position he's in to make demands, though he assumes it must be a flexible rule, since Seulgi, the housekeeper, called him Yushi without problems
Maybe it's a public rule? Seulgi had addressed him informally in the privacy of his private room. Maybe other people in the palace aren't supposed to know they can address him informally.
There's something about the prohibition of informal address so worthy of the nobility's ego that sickens him. Yushi, if he hadn't married the duke's or if his family wasn't slightly linked to the high nobility, could have been a working noble for the royal family; there's nothing to differentiate them.
And yet, everyone seems to forget that Yushi is nothing more than a miracle for omegas of his kind.
When he manages to forget the bitter taste of protocol in the back of his throat, he manages to enjoy the journey. The tour around the palace is a delight, though.
The palace consists of four wings: north, south, west, and east, ans also three floors and a basement.
The palace has a bit of everything: on the first floor are the service areas, dedicated to the functioning of the palace, such as kitchen and laundry room, the windows there are small because the floor is immersed underground almost halfway, the only way to get outside is through the second floor.
The second and third floor houses the residential areas. There are all the royal family's room, contains bedrooms and other rooms for administration—they don't enter, but which are mostly offices, according to Riku.
A huge part of this floor has rooms dedicated to leisure, such as a library and a tea room— which Yushi will use a lot in the coming days— and a music room, a huge ballroom, a grand hall, and even a gemin room to play cards and other of that kind.
There is also a space where the royal family usually eats together; the prospect of the event makes Yushi nervous.
They don't go up to the fourth floor, as it is the smallest and only has the service area, where the housekeepers, guards, and other staff rest.
Riku makes him walk everywhere, he stops to tell him what the room is about and then starts walking again, he is grateful that they haven't gone up to the third floor or the first, his feet are already going numb from the pain and he has only walked on half of the palace.
"Would lord Yushi like to head to the manor for breakfast, or would you like a tour around the gardens?"
"Breakfast! I'd love breakfast."
And he's not lying to scape of the tour, he is hungry.
The whole family is already eating at the dining chamber. He doesn't know if it's some kind of tradition he wasn't told about, but when he enters the room, everyone in the room will follow him.
Yushi had already met them, technically.
Daeyoung's parents were present at the wedding, and of course, his husband's brother was too. Daeyoung doesn't have any younger siblings, so there's no one else at his side at the long table.
Yushi's house was much smaller, clearly, but they also had a dining chamber and they eat all together, too. Yet the scene they encounter is completely alien to their experience.
Daeyoung stands to greet him as soon as he sees Yushi enter the room, which embarrasses him even more. Daeyoung's brother does, only a few seconds after noticing his brother. The duke and duchess don't stand up to greet him; this action isn't appropriate, and they shouldn't show him respect, Yushi is a lower rank than them. Even so, they give a slight nod of recognition.
"Good morning," says Daeyoung, Yushi bows slightly when he realizes he can't make his voice sound louder due to his nerves, he feels a knot in the back of his throat. "I didn't mean to wake you. I wasn't sure you'd like to join us…" he says, sounding hesitant, and then jumps in his feet, surprised at himself. "Forgive my rudeness. Here, have a seat," says, pushing the chair next to him out.
Yushi can't breathe as he looks at the scene ahead. A table full of food he doesn't know and doesn't want to know, in a house that isn't his own, with people he hasn't spoken to more than twice during his wedding.
But he can't turn around and run; that would be completely unacceptable. He gathers his courage and heads for his place at the table. As soon as Yushi takes sits, his husband and his brother sit down, too. Yushi hadn't noticed them waiting for him. If he had, he would have walked faster.
Without saying a single word, multiple people bring him food: some bread, butter, tea, scrambled eggs, and other similar, nothing like his usual soups and vegetables.
"I hope you like them," he hears Daeyoung murmur. He says it very quietly, just so he can hear. Yushi has to bite his tongue to keep from letting out a cruel comment.
He wishes he was eating his mother's breakfast instead, or his own housekeeper's. He'd even prefer to be making his own food than adapting to this unfamiliar place.
For some reason, it tires him out. Having everyone at his service is exhausting, though it shouldn't be. Yushi should be ecstatic about so many people willing to make his stay nothing but pleasant, but he hates it.
The food is delicious, that's the worst part.
The eggs taste delicious, and the toast is just the right crispy touch. He wants to be angry, but he can't; he's starving. It takes him a while to realize that his last meal had been many, many hours ago, when he was still on the ferry —whose food, a tasteless and somewhat cold soup, wasn't appetizing at all.
"Was it to your liking?" Daeyoung asks.
And Yushi wants to lie to him, tell him it is horrible, spit his toast on his plate, demand Monakiran food, and never accept the Kims' kindness again. He wants to let them know that his stay in the palace and will be a nightmare for them as much as it is for him.
But when he sees Daeyoung, he looks at him with wide, hopeful eyes, waiting for a positive response.
Yushi sighs in surrender. "It's good," he says. It's all he's willing to admit, and it seems more than enough to make Daeyoung happy, who's as happy as a puppy being called a good boy.
"We don't usually eat this for breakfast," the duke chimes in. "A foreing chef is visiting us, and we found his contributions to our diet interesting. We tend to eat more original breakfasts from Argos—soups, vegetables, and such. Is that to your liking? I'm afraid I'm not in touch with Monakira's food."
The duke has a friendly smile. He has a white, bushy but not too long beard, he wears fur clothing, and everything about him screams confidence and security. He's an alpha in every sense of the word. He's tall and big, and his hands, even from a distance, are visibly damaged by past injuries.
"It is fine," Yushi says, and in front of the eyes of everyone present, he feels compelled to say more. "I prefer soups, vegetables, and... yes, soups."
They probably aren't the same ones he used to have for breakfast at home, but it is the closest he'll get to home for now, so Yushi'll take it.
"How nice to hear it," says the duchess, a beautiful woman, an omega, or maybe a beta, Yushi doesn't know from this distance. When he spoke to her at the wedding, he'd already had too many drinks to notice any specific aroma. Now he's able to notices that she's enveloped in the duke's scent: damp earth and oak trees. "We were worried that you wouldn't like the national food."
Yushi doesn't know what to say, so he nods and lets the conversation continue without him.
Both Daeyoung and the duchess try to draw him into the pleasant conversation, but Yushi keeps his head on his plate, and every answer he gives is short and crisp, detached from their words, detached from them.
Yushi can feel Daeyoung's eyes on him at all times, but as soon as he finishes eating, he stands up, surprising everyone at the table.
"I... I'll go see the gardens, excuse me," he stammers awkwardly and practically runs toward the door, with Riku hot on his heels.
Yushi goes to the gardens, but he asks Riku to let him walk on his own, saying he wants to think instead of a tour.
The gardens are no small feat. They are vast hectares of flowers of all colors, many of which Yushi can't recognize, all native to Argos. There's a path, and he follows it alone at first. After a while, he just walks through the flowers, wondering which one catches his attention. The gardeners look at him in confusion, but Yushi decides to ignore them.
Each flower is spectacular in its own right. Spring is at its peak, so each one looks even more beautiful; they're fresh and deeply cared for. It's majestic.
Back home, Yushi didn't have a garden this big. but he had a glorious orchard.
Eventually, Yushi comes to a small, crystal-clear pond. There are no fish in it, but there could very well be, a few fish perhaps, a few lotus flowers floating by, his imagination pictures them beautifully.
He dares to take off his shoes, lifts the layers of his dress with both hands, and lets his feet, sore from the walk, cool off in the water.
He sinks onto the edge of the pond, trying not to get the cloths wet, bunched in his hands. If they got wet, their weight would be uncomfortable to carry back to the palace. Though the worry matters very little to him seconds later.
The cool water between his fingers is one of the most pleasant sensations he's experienced in recent days. He allows himself to relax. He stretches his legs and arms and lets his shoulders tense with the discomfort of being away from home slump.
Yushi misses home so much.
He misses his neighbors and the other omegas, even though all those his age were already bonded with an alpha and rarely saw each other, so busy with household duties.
He misses his mother, to whom he hasn't even written a letter yet, and he hopes to hear from his father, though he doubts he'll write to him. He seemed to still be very sensitive when they last saw each other, at the wedding.
Although technically the wedding had only happened forty-eight hours ago, Yushi felt like millennia had passed since that event.
The ring resting on his finger is heavy, it burns, and it squeezes. It press so hard it's going to tear his finger off.
From this distance, the palace looks majestic, smaller than what's inside. Its color is like the soil, its stained-glass windows, its flowers, and the trees surrounding it, every detail of it is majestic. It's breathtaking to behold. If Yushi didn't live there now, he would want this to be his home. If Yushi walked through the door of this palace, he would think it was a beautiful place to raise a family.
But now, that he has boxes in his room waiting to be put away, now that he has a desk facing the window to write letters, now that he has to remember where the lot is to have lunch with a family that isn't his own; Yushi hates it. He wants a home, his home.
When he turns his face to the other side, Yushi sees the palace bars. They're more decorative than protective, but now their doors open as some guards ride out on horses. And behind them, his husband, Daeyoung, is there, riding his own horse, waiting to go outside.
Daeyoung would be the ideal alpha if he weren't married to Yushi. He's tall, has impeccable bearing, and has been nothing but kind to him. However, his only flaw is being Yushi's husband.
Truthfully, Daeyoung is Yushi's type, if he thinks about it objectively—but he can't be objective with this matter. Yushi feels like a prisoner next to him and doesn't believe he can think of himself as anything more than that for now.
Yushi feels a little bad for Daeyoung. In fact, he's clearly someone anyone would want to marry. Yushi wants to be his wife, but he can't. He wants Daeyoung to have an omega who's thrilled to be by his side. Instead, he's trapped with Yushi, who keeps looking for excuses to escape from here. Yushi, who doesn't speak more than three words to him, and he constantly seeks distance and wants to be anywhere but in this palace .
Dear Lord! Yushi would rather be a bachelor, one of those mothers in the city use as an example to their daughters when they tell them "if you don't behave, you'll end up like him."
Daeyoung is as caught up in Yushi as Yushi is in him. He almost feels sorry for him. Almost.
Yushi still stares at his feet underwater, staring at how they sway in the waves the movement creates when he thinks he hears a sound.
When he looks up, Daeyoung is riding in his direction, as if Yushi had summoned him just by thinking about him.
Yushi doesn't have the chance to feel embarrassed about having his feet in a pond meant for decoration, nor about his dirty dress from sitting on it when Daeyoung is already at his side, still on his horse.
The height difference makes Yushi feel small next to him. He fights it with all his fury, raising his forehead high, his cheeks touched by a blush.
"Yushi"
"My lord," Yushi greets in response, in the most stoic tone he can muster.
"Oh, there's no need for that."
"Isn't that the protocol?" Yushi asks, but he doesn't really know if that's how the protocol Riku told him about works.
"It is, but you really shouldn't follow it if you don't want to. It's just me..."
"And what would you prefer I call you then?"
Yushi knows himself well enough to know he's being aggressive and pitty for nothing. Daeyoung has been kindhearted to him, and Yushi is still standing with his feet in the pond, starting a war between them over a protocol Daeyoung just admitted he shouldn't use.
Daeyoung sighs, looking exhausted. "Yushi, if you want to call me Lord, do so. I just want you to be comfortable here with me. I'm your husband, and this is your home now."
Yushi could throw up. He's been thinking about it all day, thinking about his real home, with his mother and father, soup in the morning, a vegetable garden, and the smell of tobacco in every room. He's been thinking about all the things that were in his home that he won't have now.
His stomach churns at the thought of this unseemly, foreign palace being called his home. It feels like a disgraceful insult to his name and everything he owned in Monakira.
He doesn't know what expression his face makes, but it can't be good. Daeyoung's shy smile falls completely when he sees Yushi's expresion, who takes a deep breath in order to hold back the tears.
"Though I appreciate the offer," he says, hating that his voice cracks in the middle. "This is not my home, my lord"
He chews on the part where he tells him he's not his husband either, and with luck, that title will only belong to him for a few more weeks.
Yushi leaves without saying goodbye, walking barefoot through the grass and abandoning his shoes by the pond and his husband. He can hear Daeyoung shouting his name, but he ignores it, continuing toward the palace.
He doesn't know if Daeyoung gives up or he move far enough away to avoid hearing his husband's calls; he doesn't care enough. When Yushi reaches the palace gate, his dress is wet at the skirt, covered in dirt, and his feet are in no better condition, full of mud and grass. His breathing is labored as he repeats the encounter.
He congratulates himself for being cordial and not yelling at him to go to hell, although Riku, who is waiting for him at the entrance, doesn't seem pleased with his appearance.
"Lord Yushi, you should change your clothes for lunch soon, do you wish-?" He stops when he sees Yushi's tears staining his face. He's been crying since he started walking, and not even the scent of flowers has managed to calm him. "I'll tell the maids to bring the food to your private room."
"Thank you very much, Riku." Yushi walks past him, smearing the doorway with his muddy feet. "And please call me Yushi. I don't care about the damn protocol."
Riku doesn't answer, but he doesn't call him lord Yushi again, and that's enough for Yushi for now.
He watches Daeyoung go outside the palace from his bedroom window and decides, like a sentence, that he won't accept the place offered to him here. That he'll fight for his freedom tooth and nail as if it were a pitched battle he's not willing to lose.
Although Daeyoung invites him into his life with a gentleness worthy of the most patient person on this side of the world, Yushi won't be the submissive wife he desires, and if he has the chance to make Daeyoung regret marrying him, he'll do it.
Then, when Yushi escapes one night, when they search the entire palace and can't find him, Daeyoung feels as relieved as he is to be free of this cage called marriage.