Work Text:
Toni has been walking around the palace for a few hours now. At first, it was simply to gather supplies for her imminent journey through the Eternity Forest. But as she searched for anything she might need, food, water, any spell components she could find, her mind was racing.
Everything reminded her of Willow. She remembers the days they spent together going around various cities gathering spell components, laughing the whole way through. She misses those days, the days where there wasn’t a huge wall separating them, the days when Willow still loved her. The food only reminded her of the Goodberries she has eaten for cycles now. Siggy always complained that he missed the taste of actual food, that nothing could beat his mama’s homemade food and the comfort it brought, but for her, they were the best. If anyone asked her about home, she wouldn’t talk about the Horizon Mountains, she would talk about Willow and the Dawntakers, because they are her home.
Now she’s about to leave them, possibly forever. The image of Moonwater flashes in her mind, and she can’t help the excited thrill that comes over her but, just as quickly it’s replaced with a feeling of loss. Of everything she’s had to give up along the way to get to where she is now, to finally accomplish her goals, this is what hurts the most. The shame and fear she felt after each of her missions that she tried her best to forget, the grief she felt for Cassie and Quinn, nothing compares to the loss of her family.
All these thoughts are racing through her head as she walks around the palace and she’s looking for one specific person. Willow. She knows the elf might not want to see her, might not want to hear out, but she needs to say goodbye properly. The final goodbye, Antonia replays in her mind as she searches for her oldest friend.
Her heart picks up as she spots her, coming out of a room hand in hand with Cricket, light smiles on their faces as they talk. She takes a deep breath, trying to gather the courage to come up to them.
As she does, the pain rocks her world like a punch in the stomach when she sees the smile fall from Willow’s face, the elf’s hands clutching Cricket’s like she’s trying to ground herself.
Carefully expressionless, Willow turns to her. “Antonia, is there anything you require?” She feels sick, her heart can’t decide whether to break, fall to her feet or jump out her mouth, probably all of them at the same time. She needs to take a few seconds to try and compose herself at least a little, try to forget the sting in her eyes. “Well?”
“Can I talk to you please?” her eyes flick to Cricket and she sees the guarded way he holds himself, likely preparing himself to protect Willow if she does anything. “Alone?” She sees how he immediately takes a step forward, ready to interject, but is stopped by a hand on his chest. And she doesn’t know if she feels hurt at seeing the distrust in her family’s eyes or hopeful that Willow might give her a chance to talk to her.
And suddenly this conversation was awfully similar to one they had almost a cycle ago in this very city, one of the worst moments in her life. The moment she was sure she had just lost her sister, the one person who has always been there for her.
“How do I know you won’t hurt her?” The distrust in their eyes breaks her heart in a way it will never get fixed. All she’s wanted her whole life is for people to stop distrusting her, all the stares she got back at the temple forever ingrained in her brain. But to see it in the eyes of the only people that have ever even given her the time of day and accepted her as she was is something she will never be able to forget.
She’s brought back to reality as the couple whispers something to each other. Cricket finally relaxes, kisses his lover on the cheek and gives her hand a squeeze, beginning to move away, but not before giving Toni one last warning look.
“We’re alone now. What do you need?” And her heart constricts once more, the coldness in the elf’s voice that should be familiar at this point always manages to break her.
“Can we go sit somewhere? Maybe the garden?” She manages to get the words out around the lump forming in her throat. Willow silently nods, and they move off, making their way out of the palace.
As they walk, she wrings her hands together, trying to hide how much she was shaking. She stared at Willow’s back as she moved off in front of her, making a point of not looking back. All these memories are flooding her brain. Memories of all the ups and downs they’ve been through since meeting in Yorgin. The nights they spent simply talking to each other without a care in the world, all the conversations they had while on watch during all the lexinoths they spent on the road with the group, the way she's never felt as comfortable as she did when she would lay with her head on Willow's lap. But those nights turned into sleeping in separate rooms at the inns, and barely speaking to each other even in group settings, led into lies and secrets and manipulations every time they were alone on watch, led into her not remembering when was the last time they hugged. And it hurt. It hurt knowing that she lost the most important person in her life because of secrets and lies and hidden meanings in words she still didn't fully understand.
They reach the garden. Willow silently goes to sit down at a pristine white marble bench that sits in one of the corners, giving them a view of the entire garden. Toni sits down next to her and they're so close, only a couple of inches apart, but they never felt so far apart, it feels like there's a huge rift between them and it's impossible for her to reach Willow across.
"Look, I know we've talked already but I'm not here to convince you to come with me" She can't stop fidgeting, she doesn't really know what she wants to say, doesn't really know why she's doing this. That's what she's trying to get herself to believe, but deep down she knows why she needs to talk to Willow. She misses her best friend.
"Then what are you here for?" The coldness in Willow's voice still hurts, no matter how many times she's heard it. She hasn't even turned to look at her, she simply kept her eyes forward looking over the garden.
"I just wanted to talk to you. I miss how we used to be, I miss *you*." She can already feel the sting behind her eyes, already knows that tears are threatening to come out.
She turns to Willow and goes to hold one of her hands that have been resting on her lap. She can almost hear the way her heart breaks as Willow flinches and pulls her hand back. She doesn't bother wiping the tears as they fall.
Turning back to face the garden, tears now falling freely down her face, she tries to speak again even though her voice breaks and she can't help letting out a sob. "Do you...Do you remember when I used to lay with my head in your lap?" And the words come out as barely a whisper, so full of emotion-
She chances a glimpse at the woman beside her, sees her stiffly nodding her head, pointedly looking expressionless ahead. "You know, I never told you how safe that made me feel. How the simple gesture of you simply staying there with me actually meant everything to me." Another sobs claws its way through her throat. "I never had anyone else who would do that for me"
For the first time in a cycle, she doesn't hear the coldness that has accompanied every word Willow has directed at her. "Do what?" And it's so stupid, those two words, a simple question, brought a smile to her face.
"Care." And she says it with a smile on her face, a chuckle mixing with a sob as they leave her mouth.
More sobs follow, the reality of this situation hitting her. She pushed away the one person who ever cared for her, and for what? For revenge. To finally make them pay. A voice speaks in her mind, but it fades to the background, the words it speaks don't matter right now, not when she just realized what she's done.
She can feel arms hesitantly wrap around her, can feel the conflict in Willow as she reaches for her, the care fighting the lies both of them have told to each other for lexinoths. But she doesn't care about that right now, all she cares about is that Willow is there again, and it's all she's ever wanted. She lets herself fall into Willow's embrace, letting herself fully feel all the hurt she's tried to lock away all her life. And there she stays for a while, simply sobbing into her best friend's arms like a child in a mother's lap.
She thinks of all the hurt she's kept carefully locked away, she thinks of every time she was mistreated back at the temple, of every moment where she was just a child looking for love. She thinks of all the good moments she's had since then, all the memories she's made with this family of hers, of all the love she has for these three people that suddenly entered her life and all the love they've given back. She thinks of all the lies she's told them, all the secrets she's kept and she can't see a reason why anymore. Why would she give that up? Why did she push them away when she finally found people who loved her for who she was?
You needed to remain unseen. You need to remain unseen to make them pa- the voice cuts off.
She remembers everything they went through. She remembers the guilt she felt after she suddenly attacked them, the fear that coursed through her as they went to untie her. But she also remembers their endless support, the way they didn't let her doubt herself for a single second, the way they stood by her side every step of the way as she tried to forgive herself. They're all she's ever needed and she doesn't know why she would ever give that up.
For me, my dear Anton-
No.
She won't give her family up. Not anymore.
She lifts her head up to look at Willow. Her bloodshot eyes filled with determination. "Willow. I know you probably won't care about what I'm about to say, and you have every right to, I probably don't even deserve to say it." She grabs Willow's hand in both of her own. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything that I've done to you, you didn't deserve any of it. You were the first person who has ever cared for me and I threw it all away for a stupid god."
Although Willow tries to keep her face expressionless, she can see the hope in her eyes and that only gives her strength to continue. "I don't know why I thought that my goal was worth more than our bond and I'm really sorry that for a time I did. I let myself get carried away by His promises and I pushed you away. I don't know if you'll ever find the strength to forgive me, and I understand if you never do. But just know that I'll always hate myself for breaking what we had."
"And I wi-"
"Toni."
"Always miss yo-"
"Toni!"
"And I get it if-"
"Antonia!"
She jolts, the flurry of words that flowed out of her mouth suddenly stops as she simply looks at Willow. And that's when she notices the smile on Willow's face and the tears that run down her face. She freezes, afraid that maybe she's upset her once more. Her mouth opens once more as she tries to backtrack, as she tries to not hurt the elf anymore.
"Antonia Winterthorn, listen to me." All she can do is stare at the woman in front of her. And she sees the emotion that overflows from her eyes. But, thankfully, it's not sadness that meets her eyes this time. It's relief, happiness. "You have no idea how long I've waited to hear you say this." And the smile on Willow's face is almost blinding. "I've dreamt of the day I would get to have you back. I honestly thought it wouldn't ever come."
Her heart aches as she thinks of Willow losing all hope on their bond. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'll never lie again. I'll never keep anything from you, and I'll tell you everything. Anything you want."
"I just want my sister back." And for the first time in cycles nothing stands between them and their love.
"Now, what do you say we go and kick some god's ass for taking you away from us?"
And in this moment, they are simply two sisters holding each other, ready to face whatever happens next together.