Chapter Text
“ Mr. Akaashi, this last miscarriage took a toll on your body and…I’m sorry to say this but you can’t bear children anymore. ”
It’s been three years since Akaashi had last heard those words and even three years later, they still hurt. The pain of knowing that a dream you and your husband wished to have would never come true. The dream of a family. Averting his gaze from the window, Akaashi watched Bokuto, who had fallen asleep leaning on his husband’s shoulder. The raven haired man chuckled quietly, resting his head on top of the two toned haired man’s head.
They had gotten up early to catch a morning train to Tokyo, finally heading back home. After three years of living in Kyoto due to Akaashi’s job, the two husbands were returning back to their roots in Tokyo. It was time to go back, because even though they enjoyed Kyoto and had made friends there, it wasn’t the same with their close friends and family living three hours away.
Especially when they were hit with tragedy and heartbreak in those three years. In the years they lived in Kyoto, they tried to start a family. They waited until Akaashi graduated from university and the moment he had graduated, he was given a job offer in Kyoto. After moving, they waited for a while trying to settle into their new life and home.
Bokuto had to get used to getting up earlier to catch the train to head back to Tokyo because of practice while Akaashi adjusted to his new job. Just a few short months after moving, they began to try for a family. After their first try, they ended up successful. They were both so excited, finding out at the same time and immediately calling their families; and because he couldn’t let his bro hang, Bokuto called Kuroo at eleven at night and screamed on the top of his lungs that he was going to be a father.
Everyone was so happy for the soon to be parents. When Akaashi was about seven weeks along, they went in for an ultrasound. The two were beyond excited to see their baby for the first time. After they went into the examination room and the ultrasound was done, the once happy couple soon learned devastating news.
The ultrasound found no heartbeat. So many emotions rained down on them as the starred at the screen, at what was supposed to be their future child and they should hear what was suppose to be their beating heart. The first to react, to his surprise, was Akaashi who shook his head and repeated no over and over again. He begged for the doctor to try again, to try and find the heartbeat again. The doctor tried one more time, but there was none. Akaashi stared at the screen as tears started to roll down his cheeks. Bokuto’s happy go expression was also gone as he held Akaashi close. The doctor gave his condolence to them.
Being in Kyoto was not a great time for them at that moment even though they had made friends, it still wasn’t the same without their close friends and families. Akaashi cried for hours while talking to his mother on the phone while Bokuto was silent for most of the time. During their time of recovery, Bokuto was by Akaashi’s side twenty-four seven. Always making sure that he was eating, getting enough sleep and…just asking how he was doing that day. Even though they were both grieving, Bokuto made it his job to make sure Akaashi was doing okay because he was the one who was feeling the worst out of the two of them. After a bit of time, Bokuto returned to practice and they all saw the effect the miscarriage was taking on him. Him and Kuroo weren’t messing around and trying to spike the ball in each other’s faces anymore, he was just…there.
In the middle of a break, Daichi came up to Bokuto and started to talk to him. How he’s been dealing with the loss and if he’s had time to grieve. Bokuto sighed and let all his feelings out; about how excited he was to become a father and have it suddenly taken away from him, how he hated it when Akaashi blamed himself for the loss of their baby, actually knowing how many times a day they both cried. Missing how their home used to feel, how it felt cold and empty nowadays. This broke Daichi’s heart, seeing Bokuto like this wasn’t what he was used to. He was used to seeing him happy and all over the place, but this Bokuto wasn’t like that. The sport doctor placed a hand on the wing spiker’s shoulder and suggested that him and Akaashi should go to see a grief councilor.
The wing spiker nodded, taking that suggestion and hugging Daichi before getting up to call Akaashi about the idea. While he watched the black-white haired man walk away, Daichi pulled out his phone and looked at the background, a picture of him, Suga and their small yet growing family. The situation that Bokuto and Akaashi were going through made the sports doctor think how lucky he was that this didn’t happen to him and Suga. That night, Daichi went home to Miyagi and held his family close.
Taking Daichi’s suggestion, Akaashi and Bokuto went to see a councilor and the sessions they attended helped them both out tremendously! With the help of therapy, the two were able to go through the rest of the stages of grief and eventually accept the miscarriage and the loss of their child. But even so, they still hadn’t forgotten about their baby. For their room, Bokuto bought a pair of small angel wings and placed it on the dresser as a sign of the wings their child would be wearing. Every morning, when the two got up and got dressed for the day, they always looked at the pair of wings and wished their child a good morning.
A year passed and even though he was scared, Akaashi brought up about wanting to try again to Bokuto. They were in the middle of having dinner when it was brought up and even though Bokuto wanted to try again, the miscarriage was still in the back of his mind. Akaashi realized that and even he admitted that he was scared. The whole thing they went through was terrible and just heartbreaking, but Akaashi wasn’t going to give up on wanting to have a family with Bokuto.
Seeing how determined his husband was, Bokuto agreed and just a few months later, they were in a familiar situation like the first time. They were expecting and they couldn’t be more excited, but the miscarriage was still in the back of both of their minds. This time around, they didn’t tell anyone because they didn’t know if anything was going to happen. So they didn’t tell, wanting to wait until they got the safe zone, which wouldn’t be until sixteen weeks. Well, Akaashi considered that being the safe zone. When they found out, they were at six weeks so they had ten weeks to go before they could tell anyone. They were considered high risk due to the previous miscarriage and doctors kept a very close eye on Akaashi. But as the weeks passed, things were going smoothly; no problems were coming up, everyone was healthy. No problems.
They made it to twelve weeks when tragedy struck again. It was just a typical late afternoon, Bokuto was returning from practice while Akaashi was preparing dinner. The two husbands greeted one another as usual; kisses, hugs from behind by Bokuto and asking what was for dinner while resting his hand on the small bump. They had dinner and while the black and white haired man went upstairs to shower, the raven-haired cleaned up with the promise of resting afterwards. Bokuto, even though he was upstairs and taking a shower, heard the petrifying scream of his name all to clear.
He jumped out of the shower, not even bothering to dry off as he threw some clothes on and rushed back downstairs. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Akaashi on the floor, clinging onto his abdomen. A painful expression all over his face that was also mixed with a scared look. Something was dreadfully wrong and they both knew it. To make matters worse, when Bokuto picked Akaashi up to bring him to the hospital, he gasped when he saw what was on the floor. Even though it wasn’t a lot, there was blood from where Akaashi had lain. Bokuto rushed his husband to the hospital as fast as he could, hoping to get Akaashi the medical attention he needed to save their baby.
But…it was no use. The ER doctor broke the news to them when he did an ultrasound and just like the first, there was no heartbeat. Bokuto just stared in disbelief while the tears started to form in his eyes. Akaashi on the other hand, his tears just came down harder. Bokuto embraced his husband as the two began to sob, this couldn’t be happening again. Why did it have to happen again?! Akaashi blamed himself and even apologizing to Bokuto; but the older male shook his head. Whispering to the raven-haired that it wasn’t his fault, asking him not to blame himself because there was nothing they could do to prevent this from happening. Bokuto blamed himself, thinking he shouldn’t have gone to take that shower and made sure Akaashi was resting and not cleaning up after dinner.
They both blamed themselves, even though there was nothing neither of them could have done.
This recovery was even harder than the first; they made it further than before. They were so close to the second trimester, just by two weeks. It pained them and after returning home, reality hit them. Knowing they would need more help, Akaashi contacted their grief counselor and made an appointment for him and Bokuto. Breaking the news to their families and friends was hard, hearing that they were expecting again but only to miscarry again made their mothers cry their eyes out.
Kuroo and the others wished they were closer so they could comfort them; his coach even gave him time off to recover. The wing spiker needed the time off to collect himself again and make sure Akaashi would be alright. They took all the time they needed, therapy helped them recover faster after already going through this once. Another pair of wings was placed next to the first one, remembering the two they had lost. They were scared and needed answers. Why did this keep happening to them? When going for an appointment with his doctor, that’s when the news was broken that they couldn’t have kids.
Their dream of having a family was crushed that day.
Acceptance was something they learned after their experience and with a heavy sigh they went with it.
“Arriving to Tokyo Station. Repeat, arriving to Tokyo Station.”
They were home. After a three-hour journey from Kyoto, the two husbands were back in Tokyo. Stepping off the train when it came to a stop, the familiar sights and sounds of their home came all running back with memories. The stopped by shops they’ve missed and ate at their favorite ramen shop for lunch. Oh how they’ve missed them so much. Kyoto had good ramen shops, but the shops in Tokyo couldn’t top the flavorful broth that had extra flavor from the pork and how the soft boil egg sucked in all the broth to make the egg even better. The presentation was on point; everything was evenly chopped and placed was something they missed.
Bokuto carried Akaashi into their new house, repeating what he did after they returned from their honeymoon. But this time, instead of an apartment, it was a house. Their new home was close to the gym that Bokuto trained at and near Akaashi’s new workplace so it was a deal breaker. One of them at least. The day they unpacked, they received so many text messages and calls welcoming them back and asking when their house would be presentable to visit, it would be soon and that they needed a day or so to unpack everything. They didn’t have a lot since they were moving out of an apartment so there was plenty of space they had to fill.
“Oi! Bokuto! Over here!” Kuroo called out as he waved to the couple just entering the restaurant. The two looked over and walked over to Kuroo and his husband Kenma who looked up from his phone.
“Ah there’s my bro!” Bokuto and Kuroo shook hands while Akaashi and Kenma greeted one another.
“Welcome back to Tokyo, Keiji.” Kenma greeted as the raven-haired man nodded while taking his seat.
“Thank you, Kenma. It’s great to be back home.” He thanked as the two looked up to their husbands who were talking so much as if they hadn’t seen each other in years.
“And to think they just saw one another just a few days ago.” Kenma commented as Akaashi agreed.
“Yes but you know how they are. So Kenma, how have you and Kuroo been doing?”
“We’ve been well. The usual, he goes to practice and I work on my game.” Kenma answered.
“Kotaro told me you were working on a new game. How is it coming along?” Akaashi asked as he remembered Bokuto talking about something that involved Kenma and him designing a new game.
“Slowly but it’s coming along.” The two made small talk while their husbands talked in their own worlds. “So, Tetsuro and I have been doing some uh…thinking lately.”
Curious, Akaashi looked over while he took a sip of his drink. “What have you two been thinking about lately?”
“We uh…we want to start a family.” Akaashi’s eyes widened a little bit, but he smiled at his friend while he put a hand on his shoulder. Though inside, he felt a little sad.
“That’s exciting to hear and I’m sure you two will make great parents.”
“It’s just…we’re thinking about it and well we’re worried that-”
“You might miscarry like I did? Kenma, it’ll be alright. Miscarriages can happen in the first few weeks but you don’t realize it. But somewhere between the sixth and eighth week, the percentage of a miscarriage drops to about five percent. But what happened to me the second time, that’s less than a three-percent. You’ll be fine; Kuroo will take care of you. We both know how far he’ll go to make sure you’re well taken care of.” Akaashi chuckled while looking up to his husband and Kuroo who seemed to be in a debt about something; probably something stupid.
At least once a month, the setters all tried to get together in Tokyo for a night of catching up. For this meetup, it was celebrating and welcoming Akaashi back to Tokyo. While in Kyoto, his work schedule kept him so busy that he couldn’t attend the get togethers in Tokyo, only making it to Bokuto’s games. Only on rare occasions he was able to make it, but now that he was back in Tokyo, he could make them all!
Suga was the first to greet Akaashi when him and Kenma arrived to the restaurant. The former Karasuno setter hugged Akaashi tightly and welcomed him back, exclaiming how excited he was that Akaashi was back in Tokyo. Oikawa and the other setters followed suit, welcoming the former Fukurodani setter. The first thing they all did, catching up with the raven-haired man and ask how he’s been doing.
“So Akaashi-san, if you don’t mind me asking. Do you and Bokuto still want a family?” Suga asked while him and Akaashi went up to the bar to grab drinks for the others.
“We would like too, but I don’t think it would be possible at this point.” He answered with a sigh. Suga smiled softly at him and patted his back.
“Have you looked at every option, though?” The silver haired man asked as the raven-haired looked at him.
“Uh no we haven’t.”
“Do you remember Yamaguchi Tadashi? He was our pinch server at Karasuno.” Suga asked as Akaashi thought for a moment before nodding.
“Yes I do. He’s married to Tsukishima Kei.” Akaashi answered as the silver haired man nodded.
“You are right! You see, Yamaguchi works for an orphanage and says that there are a lot of kids that are up for adoption and need a home. So…maybe think about that? It’s probably not what you and Bokuto wanted in the first place, but after what you went through, this could be an alternative way of having a family. And Daichi told me how much Bokuto talks about wanting a family at practice.” Suga explained. The drinks came and Suga took two while Akaashi stood there, processing all the information he was just told.
“Kotaro, I’m back!” Akaashi called out as he returned home from the setter get-together.
“WELCOME HOME BABE!”
“HOOT!” Akaashi heard as he walked into the living room after taking his shoes off, seeing Bokuto and their pet owl, Butternut, watching TV and eating takeout.
“How was the get together? Everyone happy to have you back?” Bokuto asked as Akaashi sat down next to him.
“It was great, everyone was happy I’m back.” He smiled while leaning against his husband and patting Butternut’s head.
“Hoot!”
“Ah I’m glad you had fun! Oikawa wouldn’t shut up about the meet up all day yesterday.” Bokuto laughed as he kissed his husband’s forehead.
“Yes it was fun. I’m glad to see everyone outside of a game.” The raven-haired chuckled as he snuggled closer to his husband. “So…Suga-san brought something up I’d like to talk to you about.”
“Hmm? What is it?” Bokuto asked as Akaashi looked up at him.
“He suggested if we wanted to start our family is that we adopt. He knows someone who works in an orphanage and there are so many children that are up for adoption and need a home. We both want a family, but our last two attempts only ended in heartache. Kotaro, this could be our chance to start a family and a child needs a home. That home could be ours.” Akaashi explained. Bokuto blinked before he chuckled and looked over to the owl who looked back up at him with big eyes. The two toned man patted the owl’s head before he smiled.
“Adoption huh? Well,” Bokuto looked over to Akaashi and smiled big. “I’m in!”
Akaashi smiled and hugged Bokuto. “It’s going to be a long road but…it’ll be worth it in the end.”
Their dream to start a family was bright once again.