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"TANGO!" Jimmy called up the stairs of the ranch.
Tango was getting ready for another busy day on Double Life, pulling his flaming hair into a messy bun and slipping his feet into lacey tights. He gazed into his reflection. Very manly and very handsome and cutsey and demure, with his beautiful flaming red orbs lined with red eyeliner and a smoky eye for makeup. He dabbed some black lipstick on and blew himself a kiss in the mirror before exiting the room.
Before heading downstairs, he stopped at a chest and grabbed some of his gear. Tango placed his iron sword in a sheath hanging from his Gucci belt
and started his way down to meet Jimmy.
"Jimmy, my beloved, my pookie, it's so early! Why are you up already?"
"Sit down. I have something to tell you." Tango's soulmate set down the chicken he was holding and breasted boobily over to him. His chesticles glowed in the sunrise.
"Mhm, mhm..." Tango was too distracted by Jimmy's wonderful boobs to notice the sad expression on his face. His soulmate had revealed he was a trans man during 3rd life, which they all thought would mean he would be saved with the magic of queer headcanons becoming canon, but it turned out to just be doomed yaoi.
"Tango, my love- please. My eyes are up here. This is important. So, you know how I really want to win this weirdly gay death game since I've been out first in the last two?" Tango looked up at Jimmy's beautiful blue orbs. They were full of tears.
"I spoke to the Watchers. Y'know, the cult Grian is in? And they said they could make me win if..." Jimmy trailed off and grabbed Tango's hands.
"Tell me, Jimmy. We're soulmates, I can handle whatever you have to tell me."
"Okay, my love. The Watchers told me that if I give you up, I'll win. I have to sell you."
"B b b b b b but Jimmy! We're soulmates! We can't be separated!" Tango said sadly and dropped
Jimmy's hands. He took a step back.
"You're being sold. I'm sorry. I gotta win. Gotta prove to Scott that I'm actually cool."
"Sold to whom? To the Watchers?"
"Nope. The Watchers don't care, but One Direction wants you."
Tango was momentarily pulled from his sadness so he could be confused. "Jimmy what the fuck is a One Direction?"
"It's a band. The Watchers manage them, send them on tours and things. They manage a lot of bands, actually."
"B b b b b but why do they want me? What am I gonna be used for?"
"Honestly I don't know. The writer needs this to happen because they didn't plan this part out and promised to finish this fic."
"You're confusing me so much. What is a fic? Who's the 'writer'? What do you mean?"
"Don't worry about it." Jimmy walked towards the door and peeked out. He returned after seeing the lack of a boyband.
"These will be our last moments together before One Direction shows up and takes you away. Thanks for being a great soulmate, I gotta go win this and prove I'm cool."
"I'm so sad that you're doing this, Jimmy! I love you! But you're leaving me for status." His love confession was cut off by a knock at the door. Jimmy spoke up, "They're here."
Without looking back at his bitch of a soulmate, Tango walked to the door and opened it. Standing in front of him was a human! Not a blocky minecraft man, but an actual human. He was gorgeous. Even more gorgeous than Jimmy, probably! He spoke;
"Hm... 'ello, mate, I'm 'arry Styles." Tango, at first, was interested in this handsome guy like the gay man he was. But now that he had heard him speak he was having second thoughts. A British guy! Jimmy was British but in the cute way, the same way Scott and Martyn were. But this man, Harry Styles, was British in the gross way.
Jimmy puckered his lips in a jealous way. He could tell Tango had the hots for this new British guy.
"This chap'll do. The Watchers, our managers, chose well."
"W w w w w what do you want with me?!?"
"Nothing much, really. We just have so much money and want to spend it on things. It's really strange how our first thought is to buy people. Nothing ever happened in history with people buying other people and it going poorly."
Tango looked longingly into Harry Styles' orbs. They were a beautiful color that the author didn’t want to google, so Tango couldn't quite name what hue they were.
"Come on, chap. We have some traveling to do." Harry reached for Tango's hand. The red orbed man looked back at his soulmate. He felt like he should say something but decided against it. Jimmy had betrayed him in the interest of impressing his old boyfriend so there was no reason for Tango to stay.
He took Harry's hand and turned away one last time.
As the two men left the building, Harry reached into his pocket and pulled out a bracelet.
"Your'e gonna need this, luv, to get out of this world. What was your name, by the way?"
Tango's heart flustered at getting called 'luv' by such a pretty british guy. His name fell out of his mouth over a stutter.
"I'm T-T-Tango. Tango Tek."
"Well, Tango, you're gonna have a great time meetin' the band. One Direction is gonna love ya."
"One Direction? Huh? Is that the direction we're supposed to be heading? Thats not on a compass." (A/N: this joke was suggested to me by my good friend Astra, keep it up king, rawr XD)
Tango looked at Harry with his big stupid red eyes in stupid confusion like the stupid guy he was.
"One Direction is the band I play with, Darlin'. I sing for them with my voice like honey. All the girls and boys and nonbinary and agender and other people like me."
"Hold on, I can't do this. You're sexy as shit, but I'm loyal to my soulmate. He already got his payment, right? There isn't a minecraft IRS, if I commit fruad I cant be punished."
Harry looked simultaneously hurt and flattered by this confession. He really liked Tango, and the Watchers (their band manager) had promised him a minecraft cutie. The reader should completely ignore this shift in perspective because the author didn’t want to write more dialogue here.
Tango pulled his hair tie out so his messy bun fell. His golden locks fell around his shoulders, so when he whipped around to go run back to Jimmy it fluttered in the wind dramatically.
Jimmy was standing in the doorway with tears running down his face as he was watching Tango and Harry walk away. He gasped as he saw Tango run back towards him
And then they made out on the doorstep while Harry watched confused. He at least wanted his cool teleportation bracelet back.
They still lost Double Life but at least they were enjoying themselves when it happened.