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Hayden Pike liked to think he was a pretty damn good best friend. When Shane had joined the Metros, they bonded quickly and now Shane was practically a part of the Pike family. He had grown to understand Shane was an extremely private person, and rarely offered information about his personal life outside of hockey. While he used his best friend privileges to tease Shane and pry for details, he respected his boundaries and learned not to push too far. This is why he was surprised when Shane’s voice, barely above a whisper, broke the comfortable silence of their hotel room after a win against Philadelphia.
“Hayden? Can we talk?” Hayden blinked in surprise, tossing his phone aside without finishing his text to Jackie. This was extremely out of character for Shane. His eyes narrowed in concern.
“Are you okay?”
“I- yes. I’m fine. I just. I really need to tell you something and you’re maybe probably definitely going to hate me but you’re my best friend and it was getting too much and we needed to tell someone and I trust you with my life but it’s just. Hard to talk about.” As Shane was rambling, everything in Hayden was screaming at him to interrupt, to stop his spiraling and say something to reassure him but he knew he couldn’t. Shane opening up was so rare, he didn’t want to stop him and cause him to retreat into his shell.
“Did you sleep with Jackie?” It was the most outlandish thing he could come up with, something Shane would never in a million years even consider. Probably not the right response, but there were too many thoughts competing in his head as he tried to make sense of Shane’s statements. Hate him? We? What the fuck is he talking about?
Shane sat up, turning to face Hayden, a strange look on his face. “No, Hayden, I did not sleep with your fucking wife.”
“Well I can’t really think of anything that would make me hate you. We’ve been through a lot, bud, you’re pretty much stuck with me for life.” He tried to keep his voice steady and calm. He didn’t know what was going on, but Shane clearly needed support and he would do his best to provide that. God knows Shane had listened to enough of Hayden’s problems by now; helping him through whatever was bothering him badly enough to act like this was the least he could do.
Shane seemed to steady himself, yet he seemed impossibly, impossibly small as he whispered, “I’m gay.”
Oh.
And it was then Hayden was able to place the emotion on his best friend’s face. Fear. Shane looked terrified which was so uncommon; Hayden wasn’t used to seeing that look on him. And it broke Hayden’s heart that Shane was scared because of him, that his discomfort and fear was a result of anxiety towards Hayden’s reaction.
He realized he hadn’t verbally conveyed any of this when Shane stood, feet moving quickly towards the door as he mumbled apologies and a quick “I can go-”.
Hayden was across the room and wrapping his arms around Shane before his mind had processed what his body was doing. “Shane. Hey, it’s okay. I promise. I don’t hate you, would never hate you for that. You’re stuck with me for life, remember?” Shane, at first incredibly stiff in Hayden’s arms, melted into his embrace. Hayden felt him shaking and, oh, he was crying. Hayden didn’t know the right phrasing for what he wanted to convey, but he squeezed his friend tighter and hoped Shane would understand. He didn’t want to make this moment about him, but he couldn’t escape the slight hurt he felt at part of Shane’s explanation. “Did…you really think I’d hate you for liking men? Is it- have I done something, said something to make you uncomfortable or not want to tell me? I’ll do better, I swear.”
Shane was shaking his head before Hayden finished speaking. “No. No, never. You don’t say a lot of stuff most players do in the locker room and on the ice. No. I know you and Jackie aren’t like that.”
And shit Hayden thought because yeah, hockey. The NHL was known to be one of the most conservative leagues, and many of the typical insults thrown around… Hayden was overwhelmed just thinking about how difficult it must have been to carry this secret by himself. “Thank you for trusting me with this. I love you, man, I mean it.”
“Love you too, Hayd.” Shane gave a half smile. “And, um. That’s not the part I anticipated a problem with.”
Hayden’s jaw dropped. “You’ve really been holding out on me, Hollander. There’s more?”
“You might want to, uh-.” He gestured to Hayden’s bed as he sat back down on his. Hayden ignored that and instead jumped on the bed next to Shane, who was looking nervous again. “Please don’t freak out.”
“I’m not going to freak out.” I think I’m handling this pretty well, in fact. He held his tongue. Then he made a connection and his eyes widened. “Lily.” He gasped, jabbing Shane’s chest with his finger. “Boston Lily. Oh my god.” He hesitated. “You can punch me if I’m wrong.”
That got a laugh out of Shane. “You’re not wrong.”
“So Boston Lily is really a man, I’m gonna guess not named Lily.” Hayden tilted his head. “That explains…so much.” Why Shane was so secretive with where he went in Boston no matter how much the guys teased and pressured for details, why his phone was always tilted away when he had that goddamn “Lily smile” on his face. “So… am I allowed to know about him now? What’s his name?” Shane hesitated, and his please don’t freak out replayed in Hayden’s mind, and he frowned. “Is he someone I know? Someone on the team? Boston’s team?”
Shane visibly steeled himself before saying incredibly softly, “Lily is Ilya.”
Hayden blinked. Once, twice, then again. What? “Can you, um, say that again? Lily is-.” He couldn’t even say what he thought he heard.
Shane had been looking down before but his eyes met Hayden’s as he repeated, “Lily is Ilya. Rozanov.” As if that was something that needed clarifying, as if the addition of his last name made it any clearer.
Lily. Ilya. What the fuck?
“What the fuck?”
Do NOT yell at Shane when he has been so vulnerable. Do NOT yell at Shane when he has been so vulnerable. Do NOT- Hayden rubbed his forehead, feeling the start of a headache. Shane had been meeting “Lily” for years. His brow furrowed as he tried to put the pieces together. “When did you…” He trailed off but Shane got the question.
Shane was fidgeting with the string of his hoodie. “The summer before our rookie season.”
“Before rookie season? I didn’t even know you then, what the hell.” He paused. “Can you. Just. Explain this, please. I’m so confused and I love you but this is just… I mean what the hell, I just don’t understand.”
There. That wasn’t explosive at all. He was handling the reality that his best friend has been romantically involved with his arch rival their entire careers so well. And he sits there silently, as Shane explains everything. Their first meeting, the hotel room hookups, the denial that their relationship had been anything but purely physical. Rose Landry, and how she had helped Shane. Award shows, all-star games. The fact that apparently Ilya fucking Rozanov kept his fridge stocked with ginger ale because it was Shane’s favorite. (He refrained from commenting that he and Jackie did that too, thank you very much.) The fact that Ilya fucking Rozanov could apparently be very sweet.
“I know you don’t like him.”
“That’s an understatement. I think he’s an asshole.” Hayden sighed. “But he clearly means a lot to you, so.”
“I love him.” And, wow, holy shit, okay. Those three words were said with more confidence than anything else Shane had said all night. His voice was unwavering.
Hayden nodded. After such a long, complicated journey, if the two were still together there was sure as hell a reason for it. Their lives would be infinitely easier if they chose to be with literally anybody else. Yet they chose each other, and that had to mean something. He put an arm around Shane. “I’m here for you. I swear I am. I’m so glad you told me.” That was true. If by telling one person even the slightest burden was lifted from Shane’s shoulders, he would gladly be that person. Hayden suddenly burst out laughing. “I can’t believe Rose Landry came out for you. That’s the best thing I’ve ever heard.”
Shane shoved Hayden, almost off the bed. “Shut up.” But he was smiling. And Hayden was filled with a sudden urge to protect that smile. He still had a lot to process, but any reservations he had came second to Shane’s happiness. He knew, in that moment, that Shane and… him… would have an extremely difficult journey. Hayden made a silent promise to himself to help them as much as he could, even if that meant siding with Ilya fucking… Ilya Rozanov.