Chapter Text
”Dare,” Hyunjin says confidently, leaning back on his hands where he sits on the floor, grinning at the way Jisung’s face lights up.
”Oh!” Jisung exclaims, shitfaced and loud, cheeks pink and glazed eyes wide. ”Oh, you have to kiss someone.”
Hyunjin rolls his eyes but can’t keep the smile off his face, because of course. With Jisung’s three recent tequila shots and his boyfriend’s hand toying with the rips in his jeans, Hyunjin should probably be glad he doesn’t have to do a lapdance.
He glances around at the askew circle the players are seated in, covering a couch group and most of the floor in Jisung and Minho’s living room. It’s somewhere around 2 AM and the party to celebrate Jisung passing his math class has mostly died down, the music lowered and everyone still around seated for a silly game of truth or dare despite not needing more to drink. It’s like an afterparty without having to go anywhere, Hyunjin thinks. It’s nice.
They’re mostly Jisung and Minho’s closer friends left, but a group of girls he doesn’t know keep giggling in a corner, and there’s this beefy guy laughing next to Chan that Hyunjin keeps stealing glances at. Was it Changbin? His biceps look like they’re bigger than Hyunjin’s waist. He wouldn’t mind kissing him.
”Do you want to pick someone for him?” Minho asks Jisung with a teasing smile, and Jisung’s eyes widen comically, like he’s completely forgotten about his powers.
”Oh! Yes!” a look of concentration comes onto his face as he scans the circle for a suitable person, squinting like he forgot his contacts, but he’s probably just too drunk. Then his eyes widen again and he grins, pointing at the floor to his left with excitement, and Hyunjin’s eyebrows rise in surprise because that’s where the group of girls are. Jisung really wants to punish him tonight it seems. But then he goes on. ”Oh, you should kiss Felix!”
Hyunjin blinks at him, not quite comprehending what was said. But then he feels the smile find his lips on its own and he ends up laughing, the familiar name coming out a little high-pitched in disbelief. ”Felix?!”
He glances over at the younger man, who looks just as stunned as he does, shiny lips parted in surprise and beautiful eyes made even bigger with disbelief. Felix meets his eyes and can’t keep from laughing either. It’s almost too easy.
Felix is his closest friend here, since they entered university two years ago and found themselves in the same class. Initially, Hyunjin was a little hostile, because Felix was gorgeous; hair electric blue at the time, killer physique and a beautiful face that looked straight out of a romance novel. And Felix was obviously a dance major too, unafraid of make-up and eyes lingering on the muscular guys. They were basically the same person, and that was a rivalry set up from day one.
But Felix was just so sweet. He’d been a little shy at first, at Hyunjin’s attitude no doubt, but then he complimented Hyunjin’s technique at their first joint rehearsal, and they got talking, finding their first common interests in dancing, partying and watching girly dramas. Today, Hyunjin can’t even imagine his life without Felix in it; he’s his roommate, best friend, motivational speaker and also his date buddy when he wants to do things the guys he goes out with doesn’t.
”You sure? Didn’t know you were into twinks,” the beefy guy laughs heartily as he leans forward to wiggle his eyebrows at Jisung. Hyunjin subconsciously takes in the way his muscles flex when he moves.
”I’m not!” Jisung objects loudly, too intoxicated to understand he’s being teased. ”It’s just that- Wait, I thought I was a twink?”
”Not anymore baby,” Minho tells him, poking at his muscular shoulder that’s obvious through his tight crop top.
”Now now, Changbin, Jisung can make whatever decision he wants without having to explain himself,” Chan admonishes, but the tips of his ears are a little too red for it to be all selfless, and Seungmin whistles.
”Oh hyung, didn’t know you were into twinks,” he snickers, and Chan’s cheeks flush adorably red as he splutters a protest, the slit eyebrow and leather bracelets unable to keep up his tough guy image.
Jisung looks at Chan in surprise as there’s a round of laughter that makes him hide his face in his hands, blinking cutely while trying to understand what he accidentally stumbled upon.
“Aw hyung, you should have said something,” Felix teases, smiling beautifully while coyly stroking a pastel pink strand of hair behind his ear and Chan groans out some kind of protest into his hands.
Hyunjin laughs along with the others at Chan’s suffering, not quite able to keep his tone flirty as he adds fuel to the fire. “We could have kissed for you before if you wanted.”
“Oh my god, please stop,” Chan whines, leaning down to hide his face in Changbin’s lap instead, while Changbin snickers and pats his head, winking at one of the girls in the group next to Felix.
Well, there goes that. Hyunjin’s not too surprised. The charming hot guys are usually straight.
”Okay!” Jisung calls out to try and restore some sort of order, waving his hands animatedly. “Twink makeout for Channie-hyung! Three minutes! Yes!”
Then he leans back on the couch with a satisfied smile, patting Chan’s thigh a little too vigorously while Chan keeps dying of embarrassment in Changbin’s lap.
“We’ll make it good for you hyung,” Hyunjin promises, laughing when Chan weakly slaps Changbin’s thigh before sitting back up.
“I’m really not- I don’t know why you- I just-” Chan tries, stumbling between English and Korean as he tries to swear himself free of these allegations, cheeks burning red. It’s cute, and he’s not fooling anyone.
“Don’t worry Chris, you just watch and enjoy,” Felix smiles cutely, winking at him, and Chan looks ready to lie down and die.
Felix looks over in Hyunjin’s direction then, raising a perfectly painted eyebrow in question, the gemstones at the corners of his eyes catching the dim light and sparkling. The teasing smile is still on his sculpted lips, and Hyunjin smiles back, patting his own thigh over the fake leather encasing it.
“Come on over baby,” he says, going for sultry but he can’t keep the amusement out of his voice. The pet name comes over his lips easily, and Felix just rolls his eyes and pushes himself off the floor.
He’s wearing a slippery boatneck top with some draping and jeans so tight he had to lie down on the floor to close them. Hyunjin reminded him they’d be a bitch to take off if he were to go home with anyone, but Felix claimed he looked too good in them to care about that. He’s not wrong, Hyunjin thinks as he watches Felix walk over to him, the jeans hiding nothing about the lovely shape of his legs.
Felix stumbles on an empty liquor bottle, laughing softly before he stops before Hyunjin, way too smoothly sinking down to straddle his lap, the fabric of his jeans working overtime to make room for his thighs tensing.
Appreciative whistles come from around the circle and Hyunjin smiles, effortlessly wrapping an arm around Felix’s waist to pull him in close, the familiar scent of summery forest and lily of the valley embracing him.
Felix smiles too from where he’s perched on Hyunjin’s lap, raising his hands to cup Hyunjin’s face gently. Nothing he hasn’t done before, but there’s a curious glint in his eyes that Hyunjin can’t help feeling in his gut.
They’ve touched each other a lot in the past. Cuddled, held hands, dyed each other's hair, shared a bed and kissed on the cheeks, all completely platonic because they both like closeness. But they’ve never kissed on the mouth before. Not that Hyunjin’s really opposed to it, he’s kissed plenty of his friends while drunk at parties, but something’s always held him back from asking Felix for a kiss even if he’d gotten the drunken urge. It just doesn’t seem right.
But he’s seen Felix kiss an impressive amount of people because maybe they’re both a little slutty, and he’s heard Felix review people’s kissing, talk about his likes and dislikes. So yeah, he’s a little curious to try. Just to put his knowledge to some use.
“Come on, just kiss already!” Jisung complains, and Felix rolls his eyes before he turns his head, showing Hyunjin the side braid over his ear that he helped make before they left. He notices the slightly bubbly appearance where the braid terminates into a bun, just because he had so much trouble trying to keep the braid dutch to match the other side and not french like his fingers instinctively wanted to do.
“You got the timer ready?” Felix asks, and Jisung makes a surprised face before scrambling to get his phone while Hyunjin absentmindedly rubs his fingers over the slippery material of Felix’s top.
“Okay, okay!” Jisung calls after some tapping on his screen, and Hyunjin glances over at Chan, finding him leaning forward with his hands in front of his face, palms together and thumbs under his chin. He’s looking so closely that he jumps when Hyunjin’s eyes meet his, and Hyunjin can’t help laughing. “Ready?”
“Yeah,” Hyunjin agrees, tightening his arm around Felix’s waist to pull him closer into his lap, and Felix makes a small surprised noise as he turns back. Hyunjin nods towards Chan, making Felix glance over, a laugh tumbling over his lips at the sight he finds.
“And… Go!” Jisung announces, catching them a little off guard in their laughter, but Felix wastes no time leaning in to press their smiles together.
Felix’s lips are sticky with watermelon lipgloss, but they’re soft and plush, not a hint of stubble on his face and Hyunjin finds that nice. He’s so over stubble burn. Their smiles fade into the kiss, and Felix’s hand comes up to twirl gently in the longer strands of Hyunjin’s dark hair.
It’s nice and soft and comfortable, and Hyunjin flicks his tongue out to lick at Felix’s top lip while Felix’s lips close around his own bottom one. It causes a soft rush of breath tasting like vanilla vodka and coke across Hyunjin’s lips, then Felix’s part against his.
Something shifts when Felix’s tongue slips between Hyunjin’s lips, a trickle of heat running down Hyunjin’s spine as he licks at Felix’s tongue before closing his lips around it to suck for a moment.
He hears catcalls and laughter, but it seems muted compared to the soft gasp Felix breathes into his mouth. Hyunjin raises his free hand to Felix’s face, cupping his jaw to tilt his head a little bit, changing the angle before delving his tongue into Felix’s mouth.
Felix’s fingers tangle further into Hyunjin’s hair and tug just enough to feel, which Felix knows he loves because they’ve discussed it in detail. How most men tend to pull his hair too hard but when it’s just enough it’s so good. Hyunjin’s stuttered breath is swallowed by eager lips, and he retaliates by sucking Felix’s bottom lip into his mouth before biting into it a little.
Felix’s hips shift forward in half a hiproll, and Hyunjin’s hand fists the back of his shirt automatically, unsure whether to pull him back or push him forward. He runs his tongue over the bite to Felix’s lip to soothe it. I love when they bite at my lips, just a little, then kiss away the pain. So that’s what Hyunjin does, earning another shift of hips as Felix clearly wasn’t lying.
His hand on Felix’s jaw moves up to stroke back pink locks of hair, fingertips brushing against the braid he made before trailing the shell of Felix’s pierced ear to a glittery stud that he rolls between his fingers.
Felix makes a small noise into his mouth that causes something to clench in Hyunjin’s stomach, and he smiles into the kiss because he doesn’t know what else to do with the unexpected spark of arousal.
A small hand comes up to his jaw, and he expects Felix to cup it, but he simply pulls on Hyunjin’s hair just right to tilt his head and expose his neck. Gentle fingertips then run down his jugular with a featherlight touch, catching on the silver chain around his neck and tracing it to the dip of his collarbone, curling to scratch blunt fingernails against the skin there.
Hyunjin’s breath catches and Felix smiles against his lips, tongue curling against the inside of his upper lip before pushing deeper into his mouth.
“Wow,” he vaguely picks up from his left, unable to name the voice right now, and he feels an unfamiliar heat on his cheeks. He’s never been worried about anyone watching him like this before.
His hand on Felix’s ear falls to the back of his neck, rubbing his fingers over the stray strands of hair there when Felix’s hips roll into Hyunjin’s more pointedly and Hyunjin bites his own lip against a small, unidentified sound. Felix bites what sticks out of his lip and pulls it free again, before pressing a kiss to it, just a hint of tongue.
Hyunjin shivers.
The sound of an alarm ringing startles him so much he jumps, upsetting Felix perched on his lap enough that he has to tighten his arm around his waist to keep him from falling.
Felix breaks the kiss with a breathless laugh at the action, but when he pulls back enough to face him, Hyunjin sees a look in his eyes that’s never been directed at him before. Something dark, sparkling, promising.
“Woah!” Jisung calls, applauding loudly, and several people follow his lead. “That was hot.”
Hyunjin clears his throat before smiling, feeling a little too awkward for his own liking. When he’s kissed other people for show, this is where he usually winks and smiles and blows a kiss to the hottest guy in the room to make sure he knows what he could have. Now he finds himself wondering if the hottest guy in the room isn’t already perched on his lap.
“Yeah, it was,” Felix agrees, smiling widely as he detangles his fingers from Hyunjin’s hair, carefully smoothing it down again. His tone is amused, surprised and very honest. “Damn, Hyunjin.”
“I’ve told you, I’m just that good,” Hyunjin replies, managing a smile, but he feels strangely breathless at the praise, the use of his full name, and Felix notices. “You’ve seen the guys cry when I don’t want them anymore.”
Felix rolls his eyes at the comment because that was one time, then meets Hyunjin’s eyes for a scorching moment before his gaze falls to his lips and lingers, smile not entirely fading but changing character to something sultrier.
But then he laughs and slaps Hyunjin’s shoulder before starting to rise from his lap, making sure his top falls over his crotch as he does. It’s subtle, but Hyunjin notices. “Sure, whatever you say.”
“You kiss each other a lot, huh?” Changbin speaks up with a teasing grin, and Hyunjin suddenly finds it difficult to keep his eyes on him, glancing over to see Felix return to his seat and giggle at one of the wide-eyed girls who immediately clasps his shoulder with her long nails.
“We’ve never kissed before,” Hyunjin promises, raising his hands in defence, and Changbin tilts his head like he doesn’t believe him. “Honest.”
“Well, no wonder you’ve killed Chan, if he’s never seen that before,” Changbin smirks, shouldering Chan next to him, who wets his lips and draws a deep breath, still leaned over and apparently not too keen to lean back. His eyes are dark and the flush is still high on his cheekbones, and Hyunjin tilts his head curiously. Clearly Chan really is into twinks. Maybe he should have tried it on. Chan is hot.
But as he glances around, it’s not just Chan who looks a little dazed, two girls and the guy from Jeongin’s class that he can’t remember the name of do too.
Hyunjin smiles, a little bit of confidence returning to him as he glances over at Felix, who smiles at him like nothing is wrong. Except there’s no gloss on his lips anymore, the pink tint from before exchanged for a darker red, and Hyunjin can’t entirely wrap his head around that he did that.
“At least we know we can make an OnlyFans together if dancing doesn’t work out,” Hyunjin says loudly, and Felix laughs along with almost everyone else, and it makes Hyunjin smile.
“I want ten percent of that profit!” Jisung exclaims. “As the inventor of this!”
“Ten percent, are you crazy?” Hyunjin argues, and Jisung picks the fight, causing the conversation to derail into a legal discussion because Seungmin takes it seriously and so does the girl from his class.
Hyunjin’s happy for the distraction. He feels a little strange, and he decides he shouldn’t drink any more tonight.
Felix does though, cheeks turning pink enough to match his hair and it’s pretty. Clearly the guy from Jeongin’s class thinks so too, as he easily sits down next to Felix on the couch when the game is over and most people are heading home.
He’s not unattractive, and Felix doesn’t seem to mind as there’s an arm slung around his shoulders and a smoothly spoken compliment about how beautiful he is. He just giggles and leans into the guy, eyelids starting to flutter.
Hyunjin doesn’t meddle usually, but it’s already past 3 AM and Felix is pretty damn drunk. Not the best time for him to be making decisions.
So he excuses himself from Seungmin and walks up to the couch, reaching both of his hands out for Felix, who looks up at him with his usual blinding smile as he reflexively raises his hands to take Hyunjin’s.
“Come on babe, it’s late, let’s go home,” Hyunjin says lightly, ignoring the very pointed look Jeongin’s friend is sending him.
“Dude, really?” The guy speaks up like Hyunjin didn’t understand what he’s trying to do, raising his eyebrows in an irritated manner as he glares at him. Felix doesn’t notice.
“Yeah, okay,” Felix agrees easily, and when Hyunjin tugs him up from the couch he stumbles straight into Hyunjin’s chest and starts laughing. “Oops.”
“You a bit drunk there?” Hyunjin asks despite already knowing the answer, and sends the guy a pointed look back that’s just met with an eyeroll. “Come on.”
“Okay Jinnie,” Felix mumbles, letting himself be guided towards the door with a hand on the small of his back.
It’s not far to their apartment and the idea of a walk feels sobering, so Hyunjin guides Felix along. Felix stumbles a few times and needs to pause to do stupid drunken shit like look at pretty flowers and talk to them for a bit, or climb onto a park bench just so he can hop off again. Hyunjin snorts and takes out his phone to film it. Felix is really lucky he’s cute or Hyunjin would grab the collar of his jacket and just tug him along.
When they finally make it home, Hyunjin dutifully makes instant ramen for them both and forces Felix to drink some electrolytes and wipe off his make-up.
“Thanks Jinnie,” Felix says softly when Hyunjin rubs nightcream into his cheeks, eyelids drooping and loose pink hair left wavy from the braids.
“This is nothing,” Hyunjin says with an eyeroll, because they always look after each other after a party night. He’d rather not remember that one time he was so drunk he threw up on the living room floor and Felix cleaned it up, but it does make doing Felix’s skincare routine for him seem small.
“Thanks anyway,” Felix smiles sleepily as Hyunjin gives his cheek a little pat to signal he’s done. “I could sleep for a year.”
“Don’t,” Hyunjin tells him, teasing as he watches Felix slip down from the bathroom counter. “Imagine what your hair would look like with a year’s worth of visible roots.”
“Ugh,” Felix makes a displeased face, but starts shuffling out of the bathroom, dressed in an oversized red T-shirt that clashes with his hair and an old pair of sleep shorts. He looks really silly, but it’s pretty cute. “Goodnight.”
“Goodnight,” Hyunjin replies with a smile, before starting on his own skincare even though he really just wants to sleep too. But he still feels a little bit uncomfortable, and he sternly looks at himself in the mirror while rubbing cleansing foam into his skin.
“Don’t make it weird,” he tells himself quietly, but it’s effective to hear it out loud. So Felix is a great kisser, but so is Seungmin, and Minho, and Jeongin. And that’s not weird at all, so it shouldn’t be any different with Felix. He’s probably just feeling a little protective because of that guy who didn’t care Felix was too drunk.
Still, Hyunjin sends himself another stern look as he brushes his teeth, just to make sure he really gets his own message.
Thankfully, things are back to normal the next day. Hyunjin wakes up feeling decent, while Felix is half-dead, pink hair a messy birdnest and sparkling eyes dimmed with self pity. He whines and Hyunjin makes them both breakfast and Felix brings his comforter to the couch so they can watch drama.
Felix doesn’t mention much about the party and Hyunjin doesn’t either, assuming Felix doesn’t remember and figures that’s good. Felix starts to perk up again as evening approaches, leaning close to show Hyunjin TikToks of dance challenges, food and silly memes as he usually does. His lips look like they normally do, his smile is teasing, or fond, and his eyes are genuine, kind. Nothing sultry, sensual or even remotely sexy.
Everything is fine, and Hyunjin draws a breath of relief. Then Felix speaks up, head resting on Hyunjin’s lap while scrolling on his phone.
“Hey, we kissed last night, right?” he asks, sounding carefree about it as he watches a video of some kittens trying to climb a threshold.
“Yeah,” Hyunjin confirms, having to force his voice to sound normal. Not like his pulse is beating a little harder at the memory. “Chan almost died.”
“Oh yeah,” Felix laughs, scrolling to the next clip, this time a hairstyle tutorial with flowers. “It was fun.”
“Yeah,” Hyunjin repeats himself with a smile because he doesn’t know what else to say, reflexively reaching down to stroke Felix’s hair back from his forehead as he tries to deflect. “There was a guy coming on to you.”
“Really? I don’t remember,” Felix frowns, focus still on his screen.
“Yeah, that friend of Jeongin’s. I took you home instead, thought you were too drunk,” Hyunjin says, a small sting of dread piercing his heart at the thought of what might have happened if he hadn’t, until Felix looks up at him with a soft smile.
“Thanks for looking after me,” he says, voice teasing, but there’s a genuine gratitude underneath.
“Of course,” Hyunjin shrugs, ruffling his hair instead and deciding they need to do something interactive to stop him from thinking so much. “Wanna play some games?”
“Sure,” Felix shrugs, locking his phone and tossing it aside.
They end up playing an old racing game, and when Felix gets insufferable as he wins for the first time on round four, Hyunjin tackles him to the floor and only stops when Felix shrieks about being too hungover for this kind of attack. It’s normal and that feels great.
A week passes and the only thing that happens is that Hyunjin looks a little closer at his best friend on a few occasions. Like when he returns from a run panting, cheeks pink, or when he’s putting his hair up, focused eyes in the mirror as he holds hairpins between his teeth. That’s okay though. Felix is pretty, and that’s a universal truth. It’s perfectly natural to want to look at pretty things.
Then it’s another Saturday and Felix has promptly forgotten his hungover promise of never drinking again, excitedly dragging Hyunjin and Jisung along to the bar of tonight’s cheap club for a shot.
“Just not tequila, please,” Jisung whines endearingly, already blushing with alcohol underneath his carefully laid make-up featuring dark eyeshadow and a shimmery bronzer that makes him look like he should be on the cover of Sport’s Illustrated in a swimsuit.
Felix laughs and orders them fireball shots.
“To getting laid tonight,” he toasts as they receive their small glasses, and Hyunjin clinks his glass against theirs, spilling a little bit of sticky liquid over his fingers. He doesn’t know whose glass it came from.
“I don’t envy you guys there,” Jisung snickers as he puts his glass down on the bar with a barely audible clink after downing the contents. “Finding someone new all the time and hoping for the best? Exhausting.”
“You’re missing out Sungie, being single is fun! I’d say I don’t envy you, because really, same guy every night, way to get bored?” Felix tells him with a teasing smile, blinking his big eyes adorned with golden eyeshadow and black liner. “But your boyfriend’s really hot, so maybe for someone like him I could do monogamy.”
Jisung’s eyes predictably narrow in jealousy and he reaches out to slap Felix’s bicep, pretty hard judging from how Felix flinches and covers the abused area with his hand, glancing up at Hyunjin with an incredulous look. It makes his eyes go huge and it’s really cute.
“Don’t you dare. He’s all mine,” Jisung threatens.
“I know, I know, no need to resort to violence,” Felix tries to pacify him, and Hyunjin laughs. “I’m not a homewrecker, I’m just saying Minho’s hot!”
That might not be entirely true because Felix has definitely been the unintentional cause of a breakup or two in his life, but. Details.
“I know he’s hot, that’s why I’m dating him!” Jisung responds, then backtracks, frowning a little. “Actually that’s not why, but it’s a really nice bonus!”
Hyunjin notices movement behind Jisung and sees the topic of conversation approach, a loose tank top balancing deliciously tight pants, his dark bangs sweaty against his temples.
“Why then Sungie, is it the dick?” he asks, unable to keep the smile off his face as he watches Jisung’s eyes fall closed while raising his hands like he’s about to preach to a congregation of gays.
“Guys the dick, you can’t even-” he says, cutting himself off with a dreamy sigh. “Magical.”
“What’s magical?” Minho asks, sliding up close behind Jisung, making him jump and both Felix and Hyunjin laugh.
“Your dick, apparently,” Felix tells him with a suggestive look, and Minho rolls his eyes but looks pleased as he wraps his arms around Jisung’s tiny waist. Jisung doesn’t seem bashful about his claim in the least, just glances over his shoulder with a smile that’s far too sweet for the conversation they’re having.
They’re cute, and Hyunjin finds himself thinking for not the first time that for something like what they have, he might also be willing to give up the lifestyle Felix so passionately advocated a few minutes ago. Deep down, he’s a romantic, but he’s never met a guy who’s made him completely crazy in a way that made him want to settle with him forever. He keeps telling himself a serious relationship will come in due time, for now he’s young and hot and should sleep around as much as he can.
“You guys wanna come dance?” Minho asks, pressing a gentle kiss to where Jisung’s top is slipping to expose his shoulder and a hint of tattoo as he looks up at Felix and Hyunjin.
Hyunjin promptly catches Felix’s wrist so as not to lose him in the crowd as they push onto the dancefloor, Minho and Jisung immediately wrapped up in each other and blind to the rest of the world. Hyunjin watches them for a moment, sees them look into each other’s eyes and exchange little smiles as Minho’s arm curls protectively around Jisung’s waist again. They’re so in love he feels like a voyeur.
He turns back to Felix, who just rolls his eyes in resignation, but the smile tells on his attitude. He finds them adorable too.
A song that they both performed to last semester comes on, Felix’s eyes widening in recognition and Hyunjin feels his expression match, and they both end up laughing. They do some loose choreography and it’s fun, laughing and trying to remember. Felix moves flawlessly as always, and dancing with him like this is fun on a different level than the rest of their friends. Not that they’re not fun, they’re just casual dancers and Felix is not. Sometimes Hyunjin wishes they’d go to less crowded places so they could take up some space. He’s pretty sure they could pull off some killer lifts together. Minho could come too, but, he mostly wants to go with Felix.
They lose Jisung and Minho in the crowd and spot Seungmin at one point before he’s swallowed up again, but Hyunjin makes sure Felix doesn’t disappear. Not yet at least.
There’s suddenly a hand on Hyunjin’s waist that doesn’t belong there, and he glances down at it, finding unkept fingernails and he’s immediately put off. He smoothly shifts away, closer to Felix, but then the hand is back, and he feels a more purposeful presence behind him. He catches Felix’s eyes and glances down towards his own waist and then behind him to convey what’s happening.
He watches Felix’s big eyes travel curiously past his shoulder and then squint in a moment of displeasure. Felix’s hands come up behind Hyunjin’s neck to protectively pull him closer, raising eyebrows challengingly at the owner of the hand on Hyunjin’s waist.
The hand retracts and disappears.
“Not cute, wow,” Felix leans in to half-yell in Hyunjin’s ear to be heard over the music. “You’re way out of his league.”
“Thanks,” Hyunjin replies into Felix’s slightly sweaty hair since they’re still that close. He lazily reaches up and places his hands on Felix’s waist.
“Hey, do you wanna kiss?” Felix asks then, and Hyunjin barely stops his fingertips from curling against the bare skin exposed through the line of rips down the back of Felix’s shirt.
“Who, you?” Hyunjin asks back, half teasing and half confused, a little breathy at the prospect of kissing Felix again, which earns him a puff of laughter and a slap against his shoulder blade.
“Yes, me! I hate you,” Felix laughs into his ear, pulling back to look at him with his cutest puppy-eyes and Hyunjin can’t believe he thinks he has to beg for it. “Please? Just for fun, like straight girls do.”
“Okay, okay, I’ll kiss you, don’t start crying on me,” Hyunjin tells him, but he can’t keep the smile off his face as Felix makes a small, elated noise before leaning in.
There’s no lipgloss tonight, only tint, and Felix’s lips are so soft against his own, the smile slowly fading as he kisses like he means it even though he just said he doesn’t. Hyunjin parts his lips the slightest and tilts his head down for a better angle while Felix’s fingertips play with the hair at the back of his head.
He loses himself in the kiss, finding that it’s been a long time since he kissed just for the sake of kissing, and it’s really fucking nice. Maybe it’s just Felix’s kissing. He doesn’t care.
There’s a wet touch to his lower lip and Hyunjin parts his lips further, letting Felix lick into his mouth with a tiny, breathed noise. He tastes like fireball and feels like it too, like little sparks go off in Hyunjin’s mouth when their tongues touch. He can’t help it when his fingers splay out across Felix’s back, toying with the rips and brushing hot skin.
Felix hums into the kiss and presses closer, both still swaying to the music together and Hyunjin has no idea how many songs pass before Felix pulls back.
His lips are red again, a little swollen and glistening with spit, a small blush on his cheeks as he smiles beautifully.
“So nice Jinnie,” he leans in to praise, sounding almost teasing.
“Yeah,” Hyunjin mindlessly agrees, suddenly aware his fingertips are still woven through the rips of Felix’s shirt, stroking across his muscles, lightly running nails along his spine. “You’re really good.”
“You too,” Felix tells him, and it would be insane flirting if there wasn’t laughter in his voice. “Lots of practice, right?”
“Right,” Hyunjin agrees, and he can’t help it if he leans in and presses just one more kiss to Felix’s red lips. It makes his own lips tingle.
“Wanna get another shot?” Felix asks then, and Hyunjin almost instinctively screams no, because he could keep kissing him all night and then go home and sleep. But he’s definitely not drunk enough to start detangling what the tingling in his skin means right now, and a shot might make him forget about it altogether.
“Sure,” he agrees. “Let’s get tequila this time.”
“Baby, you read my mind!” Felix grins, then starts tugging him back towards the bar.
They end up getting two tequila shots each, because Hyunjin needs it and even though Felix tries to protest, to say it’s a bad idea, it doesn’t take much to convince him. When he bites down on his second slice of lemon in a few minutes, Hyunjin feels much more like himself, tingling fully subsided.
A somewhat cute guy with huge traps covered in a black T-shirt sidles up and gives them both a long, appreciative look, before settling on staring down Felix’s back since it’s turned to him. The bartender has to ask him twice what he wants before he realizes he should speak.
Hyunjin grins and nods over Felix’s shoulder when the guy looks away to pull out his card, even though a small sting of something unwanted goes through him as he thinks about that guy running his fingers through the rips, just like he did earlier tonight.
Felix is well versed in their non-verbal communication about guys and quickly glances behind him, before turning to Hyunjin with an impressed look.
“Really?” he mouths, raising an eyebrow and Hyunjin nods pointedly, before looking up to make sure the guy is still paying and then mimics his stare down Felix’s back.
Felix laughs and Hyunjin laughs back, if a little strained.
He’s seen Felix put on his charm a million times, yet he’s still impressed when it happens, how his smile softens a little and he pointedly turns towards the bar so the guy can see his face, then strokes a strand of hair behind his ear. Hyunjin takes out his phone in order to not look like he’s too invested. It’s already way past midnight. He finds himself wondering for how long they kissed.
Felix leans forward a little, like he’s waiting for the bartender’s attention, back curving slightly, and the guy visibly swallows, staring like he believes Felix can’t see him.
“Can I have a cocktail please?” Felix asks the bartender with his cutest smile. “Something sweet.”
The bartender nods, and the guy seems to debate with himself for another moment before his lips part.
“Let me get that for you,” he manages as Felix starts to pull his phone from his pocket to pay for himself, fully aware he wasn’t going to have to.
“Oh?” Felix looks up, eyes sparkling and he’s so gorgeous the guy looks pretty floored. As he should, honestly. “Thanks, that’s really nice of you.”
Hyunjin hides a smile as he easily slips away, finding his way back to the dancefloor and tries not to feel too strange, but his lips still seem to tingle. He firmly tells himself it's remnants of lemon juice and nothing else, then decidedly turns his back to the bar. He doesn’t mind dancing on his own, even if it’s more fun with friends.
At this point, he’d usually go actively looking for someone as well, or try and find his other friends, but he doesn’t really feel like it. He could text Felix to go to the guy’s place so he can just go home and go to sleep, but that feels like defeat. Somehow.
He’s surprised to find a hand on his shoulder almost immediately after he chooses a place to dance, a guy easily slipping into his field of vision. Not really surprised because it’s a guy coming up to him, but because he doesn’t look like the kind of guy Hyunjin usually attracts. He’s a little shorter than him, slim build, dark hair and equally as dark nail polish. But his shoulders are broad underneath his T-shirt and he’s got a pierced eyebrow.
“Hey,” the guy mouths, smiling a little questioningly, glancing at the space right in front of him, like he’s asking for permission to join him.
Hyunjin shrugs, figuring why not. The guy slowly inches closer, until he’s right up in his personal space. He smells spicy and it’s pleasant.
“Glad to find you alone. That wasn’t your boyfriend, I hope?” a husky voice with a teasing lilt speaks into his ear, and Hyunjin frowns for a second before realizing this guy must have watched him for a while. That he’s talking about Felix.
“No,” he replies, a small, incredulous laugh bubbling out of his chest at the misconception.
“Hmm, good,” the guy says, hands sliding onto Hyunjin’s hips that still roll to the music, just following his rhythm. “You’re really hot. Wanna come home with me?”
Hyunjin blinks at the blunt suggestion and thinks for a moment, but figures why the hell not. Not every guy he sleeps with has to benchpress at least 100 kilos. The fun part about being single is trying different things. Besides, the guy really does smell nice.
“Okay,” he agrees, and the guy smiles, pressing a soft kiss to his neck before pulling back.
In hindsight, Hyunjin figures he should have realized, because the signs were there. But he’s a little stupid tonight and so he doesn’t until the guy tugs him along into his room, both their breaths elevated and lips swollen from kissing in the hallway. Hyunjin definitely doesn’t compare him to Felix.
The guy lies back on his bed and spreads his legs, sending him a suggestive smile before his eyes fall to the bulge in Hyunjin’s jeans, and the realization crashes down on him. The guy thinks he’s a top.
His processing of the fact takes a moment too long, because the guy lets out a small laugh, raising his eyebrows in question.
“You okay there, daddy?” he asks, teasingly, but making it clear it doesn’t have to be a joke, and Hyunjin doesn’t mean to but he barks out a laugh. It feels like Backwards Day.
He weighs his options. He could walk out of here. Or explain and they could just blow each other or something. Or he could just go with it. It’s not like he’s never topped, it’s just been ages because people correctly assume he prefers to bottom. But he never hated topping.
“As long as you stop calling me daddy,” he says sternly, and the guy laughs as Hyunjin makes his decision and crawls onto the bed after him.
It’s been so long he’s glad the technical part is muscle memory, and that he’s really good at fingering himself. The guy whines and pleads for his cock when Hyunjin’s three fingers deep inside him, teasing his prostate on every other stroke, and Hyunjin feels powerful in a different way than he usually does. It feels really fucking good to sink into a hot, willing body, and the guy moans loudly as Hyunjin pushes him into the mattress and starts to really pound him. The adoring gaze is different, eyes lingering on his shoulders and arms rather than his face and waist, and it’s pretty hot. The orgasm is definitely in the higher quartile of his ranking system too.
It doesn’t strike him until he slips out of the apartment in the early morning hours that the guy must have seen him kiss Felix and decided he would be the top out of the two. He almost laughs out loud.
Felix comes home just before lunchtime with his hair loose and his clothes from last night a little ruffled, immediately sniffing in the air as he steps into the apartment. “Is that food?”
“Not really,” Hyunjin admits, glancing down at his waffles, ice cream and jam. “I’d say it’s dessert.”
“Is there any left?” Felix asks longingly, tossing his jacket aside and coming into the living room, sending Hyunjin’s plate a look like it’s his long lost lover.
“There’s batter. I think I read the recipe wrong, there’s still like, ten waffles or something in that bowl,” Hyunjin says, and Felix immediately turns towards the kitchen, so he sends him a warning. “It’s messy!”
“Don’t care!” Felix calls back, and there’s some shuffling noises from the kitchen that makes Hyunjin smile.
Felix slips out of the kitchen again and heads towards his room, starting to pull the ripped shirt over his head before he’s even across the threshold.
“I’m eating here,” Hyunjin complains, but only because something twists in his gut at the blotchy hickeys scattered down Felix’s back.
Felix ignores him, emerging back out wearing sweatpants and an oversized hoodie, tying his hair back with a scrunchie as he hurries to save his waffles.
Finally, he sits down on the couch and reaches for the melting ice cream for his stack of four waffles. There’s remains of smudged make-up around his eyes and he’s taken out the long earrings but left the sparkly stud. His pastel hair is a bit dirty, the colour a little washed out. He’s still so pretty.
“I thought you’d already eaten since you’re home so late,” Hyunjin tells him, and Felix groans.
“A reasonable thought, but no,” Felix sighs, portioning jam over the melting ice cream before folding his waffle in half and bringing it to his mouth. Ice cream drips all over the next waffle on his plate as he raises a hand to cover his mouthful. “Damn that’s good.”
“Not a gentleman then?” Hyunjin teases, and he can’t help if he watches him a little too fondly.
“Seriously,” Felix complains, still chewing as he folds the waffle again, like he has to maximize the amount he can shove into his mouth. “Morning sex and no breakfast? That’s borderline rude.”
“Borderline? That is rude,” Hyunjin frowns. “Hope the dick made up for it?”
Felix’s nose scrunches up cutely as he chews a bit before answering this time. “Surprisingly small. But it was good, I mean, I’m not a size queen or anything.”
“Sure,” Hyunjin deadpans, making Felix laugh and he has to cover his mouth in order not to spit waffles everywhere.
“I’m not, I promise! It’s just, when it’s bigger it doesn’t matter as much if they don’t know how to use it!” he defends himself, and Hyunjin can’t keep himself from laughing too because he knows. Truly, he knows. But one of his best fucks was below average in size so he’s learned his lesson not to judge the package by its size. Or whatever the saying is.
“Did you go home with anyone?” Felix asks then, lathering melted ice cream on the next waffle.
“Oh my god,” Hyunjin says and Felix’s eyes widen immediately. Hyunjin almost forgot the insanity that was last night. “Felix.”
“Hm? What?” Felix insists, shining eyes roaming over his body like he could find clues, but Hyunjin’s bundled up in a blanket and covered in a thick crewneck so there’s really nothing to see. He looks back up at Hyunjin’s face with the joy of gossip glittering in his eyes. “Something freaky happen?”
“I mean,” Hyunjin starts, and Felix is so invested he pauses with the jam spoon in his hand. “This guy who’s not really my usual type came on to me and I figured sure, why not, so I went with him. Then, when we get to the bedroom he spreads his legs and tries calling me daddy.”
Felix makes a small noise of shock, mouth falling open as he stares at Hyunjin for a moment before he bursts out laughing. “Oh my god!”
“I didn’t know what to do!” Hyunjin exclaims, but he can’t help laughing too as Felix laughs so hard his eyes tear and smudge his make-up even further. The spoon is thankfully dropped or there would be jam all over the couch by now.
“What did you do?!” Felix asks, raising his hands to loosely cover his mouth in anticipation, big eyes wide.
“I figured I should have realized earlier, so I just topped,” Hyunjin confesses with a shrug, and Felix lets out a little shriek of joy.
“Jinnie,” he laughs. “That’s so funny, you were guilt tripped into topping? How was it?”
“I mean, it was pretty hot, actually,” Hyunjin says, hearing the disbelief in his voice. ”I felt big and strong and all that stupid masc shit.”
Felix blinks in surprise but the amusement is still obvious on his face, and when Hyunjin just looks back, feeling a little at a loss, Felix starts laughing again.
“Oh wow!” he finally gets out, gasping for breath from his laughter as he starts reaching for his forgotten jam spoon. “So what, are you gonna be a top now? Gonna leave me alone in the slutty bottom club?”
“Absolutely not, dick is too good,” Hyunjin says determinedly. “But I guess I’m not opposed to topping someone cute occasionally.”
“Cute huh? Definitely not your usual type,” Felix wriggles his eyebrows, busy doing some origami folding to his next waffle. “Why’d he take you for a top anyway, did he say?”
“Actually,” Hyunjin starts, and he can’t help the grin spreading on his lips, and Felix’s eyes narrow suspiciously. “He asked about you, so he must have seen you and me kissing and assumed I was the top.”
Felix stops chewing, cheek bulging cutely as he looks unreasonably offended.
“Why?!” he asks around his food, then hurries to swallow. “I could be a top!”
“You just said you’re alone in the slutty bottom club,” Hyunjin teases, and Felix’s eyes narrow in challenge.
“But I could top,” he insists, sitting up straighter and pushing out his shoulders as if to prove a point. “Look, if I wore a tank top and less makeup I could be totally passable. You’d think I was hot if I dressed like a gym bro, right?”
“Sure babe,” Hyunjin tells him, trying not to wet his lips as he pats Felix’s thigh while thinking of what he’d look like in the outfit Minho wore yesterday. Tight pants and a loose, low cut tank top. He quickly stops thinking about it. “... Do you even know what to do with your dick?”
“Bite me,” Felix snaps, turning back to his remaining waffles. “I’m a dancer, I can roll my hips.”
A very unfortunate image of choreography where Felix kneeled on the floor and thrust his hips up flashes in Hyunjin’s mind and he can’t find it in himself to tease him further.
“What are you watching?” Felix asks after a moment, clearly dropping the topic as he keeps eating, and Hyunjin catches him up with the plot of the past three drama episodes.
He watches Felix finish his waffles and lick the ice cream from his fingers like it’s no big deal. It’s not. It’s just that Hyunjin had that tongue in his mouth yesterday. It’d probably taste like ice cream and strawberry jam right now.
Felix leans back on the couch and starts tugging at Hyunjin’s blanket, scratching at his own hairline at his neck and drawing Hyunjin’s attention to another messy hickey, uneven and half-red, half-purple. Hyunjin could make a prettier one, he thinks before he can stop himself.
He immediately turns his head towards the TV-screen instead and decides he’s had enough of looking at Felix for a bit. For his mental health.
Said mental health declines somewhat over the week as he finds himself thinking a little too hard about his Saturday experience. A lot of things were weird. Kissing Felix. Topping and liking it. He thought he was done with his existential crisis after coming out as gay. He watches Felix’s hickeys fade into a hint of something yellow and things feel better.
On Thursday, he goes out with Jeongin for dinner and it’s nice, gossiping about their common friends and trying to force Jeongin’s crush’s name out of him. It doesn’t work, never does with him, but it’s still fun to try. He feels normal again.
He comes home a little after ten, a great meal and two beers making him feel content and ready to shower and go to bed. Except he finds Felix hunched in front of his laptop by the kitchen island, a hand fisted in his bangs as he stares at the screen like it personally offended him.
“Jinnie, finally,” he whines like Hyunjin’s been lost at sea. Hyunjin tries not to be too flattered.
“How’s the paper going?” he asks instead, unable to keep from smiling at the obvious answer in front of him.
“I hate every decision in my life that led me to this point,” Felix complains, leaning back in his chair and pushing his unwashed hair back from his eyes. “Why do I have to learn anything about economics?”
“Pretty sure you chose it,” Hyunjin tells him with a grin, earning him a pen tossed in his general direction and he laughs, dutifully picking it up. “No progress?”
“Sure, I just can’t-” Felix sighs, frowning at his screen. “I can’t get these references to go where I want and I’m ready to toss this stupid machine out the window.”
Hyunjin hums because he’s been there. “Want more coffee?”
“God, please,” Felix practically moans and Hyunjin wets his lips as he accepts the empty cup Felix holds out like a beggar asking for money.
“Alright, alright, don’t cream your pants,” Hyunjin tells him, careful not to brush Felix’s fingers as he takes the cup and puts it on the sink, pouring out the cold coffee from the pot and preparing new. He flicks the machine on before deciding his blush needs to chill. “I’m gonna shower.”
“Sure,” Felix says absently, back to glaring at his screen like it’s a battle he’s determined to win. Hyunjin admires that about him. He’d have just given up for the day himself.
He takes a long, well-deserved shower, taking his time to touch up his shaved areas, put a hair mask on and practice his girl group lyrics for karaoke. Then he does his skincare properly, and he leaves the bathroom feeling like a new, better person. It’s taken so long he half expects Felix to have gone to bed. He hasn’t.
“Mm, smells nice,” Felix low voice tells him as he comes back into the kitchen, his coffee cup half full next to him and a smile on his lips. “Could use a shower myself.”
“Yeah, your hair is getting blonde,” Hyunjin points out, glancing at the peachy strands starting to lose their pink hue before opening the fridge to grasp a juice box. They were half price and they’re better than they look.
“I think I’m gonna let it,” Felix says thoughtfully, then audibly smiles. “Hey, guess what?”
Hyunjin turns around to look at the expression, finding Felix’s white teeth on display and his eyes sparkling happily. “You… Got the references to work?”
“Mmhm,” Felix hums in delight, stretching his arms over his head. “I’m all done now. Don’t I deserve a reward?”
Hyunjin breathes a laugh at his childish behaviour. “You want a juice box?”
“No,” Felix says, smile still on his face as his arms lower again, not a hint of awkwardness on his face. “I want a kiss.”
“Uhm,” Hyunjin starts, clearing his throat and he finds he has to swallow. “A kiss? From me?”
Felix looks around in fake curiosity. “Is there anyone else here?”
“Felix,” Hyunjin rolls his eyes, but the hand holding onto the juice is getting a little sweaty. His bangs are in a hairclip and his face is glowing red, he’d hardly consider himself at his most attractive right now, so he has to assume Felix is joking.
“Aw, come on, please?” Felix asks then, widening his eyes into that irresistible expression that works on everyone and their mother. “I’ve been sitting with this for like four hours, I deserve something nice. Just one kiss.”
Something has clearly shifted in the rules of their previous drunken party kissing, but Hyunjin can’t find it in himself to say no, mindlessly putting his drink down.
“Fine, one kiss,” he rolls his eyes again but can’t keep from smiling, and Felix’s responding smile is adorable.
“Thank you~” he sings, slipping from his chair and coming up to Hyunjin. He’s wearing an oversized T-shirt and pink pyjamas pants, just like he usually does. Yet nothing is as it usually is, as Felix reaches up to wrap his arms around Hyunjin’s neck and shamelessly leans in to press their lips together.
His lips are a little dry and he tastes like coffee, yet something about this kiss sparks something new in Hyunjin’s chest. It’s more real somehow, just them standing in their kitchen in their sleepwear, like it’s any other night, and still Felix’s tongue slips past Hyunjin’s lips like he can’t help himself. Hyunjin raises his arms and wraps them loosely around Felix’s waist, resisting the urge to pull him closer as Felix teases his tongue against the sensitive roof of his mouth.
Felix makes a soft noise into the kiss as Hyunjin responds, driving his tongue back into his own mouth only to follow, and he wonders when it stops being ‘one kiss’.
Hyunjin fully loses himself in the kiss after a while, his mind going pleasantly numb as he only goes with what feels nice, licking into Felix’s mouth until there’s not a hint of coffee left, just wet heat and Felix.
Then, Felix pulls back, a smile shaping against Hyunjin’s sensitive lips before he does, and Hyunjin’s eyes flutter open to look. Felix’s swollen lips are starting to look familiar, and he stares at the flush hiding the freckles at the tops of his cheeks.
“Thanks,” Felix says, like Hyunjin just leant him a shirt or braided his hair. “That was nice.”
“Yeah,” Hyunjin agrees, blushing at how breathless it came out.
“I’m gonna go shower,” Felix smiles, standing on his toes to place a tiny kiss on Hyunjin’s nose that makes him scrunch it up. “See you tomorrow.”
Hyunjin draws a long, slow breath as Felix disappears into the bathroom, smelling too much lily of the valley in the air. It takes him far too long to grab his juice box that’s already turned lukewarm and start heading to his room, but he stops before he’s even taken the first step as he realizes something. He carefully glances down at his crotch for confirmation, but he already knows he’s hard.
Whatever this is, it most definitely has to stop.
Except Hyunjin has no idea what it is or how to stop it. He tries to be an adult and be honest about his feelings like that therapist he saw a couple times told him, but he can’t be honest when he can’t pinpoint what it is he’s feeling. Attraction, probably, but it’s woven into everything he usually feels for Felix, like fondness and love and all that fuzzy stuff you feel for your best friend. He’s seen Felix at his best and worst and it’s hard to think there are any feelings left to explore.
After he catches himself staring at Felix laughing with one of their classmates during a break in dance practice, his face tinted pink and his hair wispy with sweat but his smile so blinding it clearly makes Hyunjin deaf to the girl next to him trying to hold a conversation, he figures he might need help.
He enlists the only people he can think of, and finds himself at Jisung and Minho’s apartment that same night with cheesecake even though he was told not to bring anything.
“Hey,” Minho greets him at the door, and Hyunjin finds himself a little fidgety in a way he never usually does. He decides to blame this apartment being where things started to go wrong.
“Hey,” he replies, awkwardly holding the bag out for Minho, who accepts it with an expression of exasperated fondness.
“You don’t have to buy our time, you know,” Minho tells him, but he dutifully takes the bag and watches Hyunjin take off his outerwear. “We’re friends.”
“Sorry, I just assumed you’d cook and wanted to contribute,” he claims, and Minho looks ready to tell him there won’t be food despite the delicious smell in the air and the agreement to eat together.
“Baby, is this supposed to be on?” Jisung’s voice comes from the kitchen, and Minho’s eyes widen comically before he turns for the kitchen.
“Might not be dinner after all,” he huffs out, and Hyunjin laughs as he follows him. Minho’s definitely the best cook he knows, and Jisung might be the worst.
Jisung’s leaned over the stove, frowning at a red lamp, and Minho visibly relaxes, handing him the paper bag of dessert instead.
“Yes baby, that’s supposed to be on,” he says in a tone you’d use with a five-year-old, but Jisung’s so distracted by the contents of the bag he doesn’t seem to hear him.
“Oh wow, cheesecake!” he calls excitedly, putting it down on the counter before flinging himself at Hyunjin, strong arms wrapping around his neck and pulling him down into a hug. “I love you!”
“Hey,” Minho mutters, but he’s smiling as he opens the fridge to pick out some side dishes.
They eat and talk about everything except what Hyunjin came here for, both of them clearly sensing he’ll say something once he’s ready. Jisung drinks wine and his ears go red and he giggles at everything, and Hyunjin fawns over Minho’s cooking because he’s not spoiled on homemade food. Minho smiles and pretends it doesn’t make him happy.
It’s not until they’ve relocated to the couch with their slices of cheesecake and refilled wine glasses that Hyunjin decides it’s time.
“So,” he starts, and Jisung looks up from moaning around his bite of dessert, eyes sharpening considerably, and Hyunjin ends up not knowing what to say.
He’s a solid two glasses of wine in but maybe he needs some more, he figures as he picks up the glass for another sip.
“So?” Minho repeats, raising an eyebrow at him with that infuriatingly nonchalant smile. Like he doesn’t care even though everyone knows he does.
“I have a… problem,” Hyunjin finally manages, tapping the foot of the wineglass with his fingertips. “That I want your advice on.”
“Oh?” Jisung asks, shoving another spoonful of chocolate into his mouth, but he does look more attentive than Hyunjin expected him to be considering how little alcohol he can usually hold. “Is it a guy problem?”
“No!” Hyunjin frowns, a little offended for some reason, then backtracks. “Or maybe it is? I don’t know.”
The corner of Minho’s lips twitch and he takes a considerably smaller bite of his own cheesecake slice, fully aware Jisung’s going to finish what he doesn’t.
“A not-quite guy problem? What might that be?” Minho asks, and he sounds way too smug, like he already knows, and Hyunjin tries not to let it get to him because Minho couldn’t possibly have this one figured out.
“I…” Hyunjin tries again, wetting his lips and sipping some more wine before putting the glass down. “I’m not sure? Something’s off and I can’t put my finger on what it is.”
“Oh okay,” Jisung says, confidently. “Sounds like you need an overthinker, and luckily for you, here I am. Give me anything, I’ll find ten reasons something could be off.”
Minho smiles and reaches out to play with a loose strand of Jisung’s hair, unable to pretend he doesn’t think his boyfriend is absolutely adorable. Something twists in Hyunjin’s stomach and he clears his throat.
“It’s about Felix,” he finally confesses, and Jisung looks up with big eyes, cheeks stuffed with cheesecake and the spoon halfway down to his plate. Minho’s eyebrow twitches and his soft smile fades.
“Felix?” Jisung repeats, frowning in worry. “What’s going on with him?”
“Nothing, nothing’s wrong like that,” Hyunjin hurries to reassure, and Jisung’s shoulders lower a little, but the expression on his face stays. “It’s just… me and Felix. Our relationship. That something’s off with.”
“Ah,” Minho breathes like he understands, and Hyunjin frowns at him, very sure he doesn’t like the sound of that. “Are you getting a little bi-curious?”
Jisung turns to Minho with the same expression Hyunjin figures he’s got on his own face. An appalled frown, lips slightly parted. “Hyung?”
“Not like that,” Minho rolls his eyes and clarifies. “I’m just asking if he’s curious about the other type of gay than he usually goes for. You know, the kind who likes to wear pink, buys iced matcha lattes and understands the difference between bronzer and concealer.”
Jisung looks at him for a moment, cogs almost visibly turning behind his big eyes, but then he ends up frowning anyway, clearly not reaching a good conclusion. “... That’s just Hyunjin?”
“And Felix,” Minho supplies, raising his eyebrows pointedly until Jisung’s lips fall open in shock, and Hyunjin closes his eyes for a second, bracing himself before they both look at him.
“Wait, you like Felix?!” Jisung blurts out, and that’s definitely the alcohol making him so loud.
“Shh, easy, okay, I don’t-” Hyunjin tries to hush him, heart beating far too fast as he finds heat on his cheeks. “I don’t know, okay?”
“You don’t know-” Jisung starts, then leans back on the couch and stares straight ahead for a moment. “Wait, I have to process this.”
“I really don’t know, okay?” Hyunjin tries, his lips pouting around the whiny tone despite himself. “And I need you to help me figure out… If I do.”
“I think you do, but sure, go ahead,” Minho offers, and Hyunjin sends him a glare that only receives a shrug in response. “What’s been happening?”
So Hyunjin tells them, from that first kiss right there on the living room floor and all that’s occurred since, up until the kiss in the kitchen.
“-and then I was hard, and now I can’t stop, you know… staring at him and spacing out and stuff, but I don’t feel any different, really? I think?” he ends his monologue with, finding himself a little breathless from the speed he’s kept. He reaches for his wine and wishes it was a shot.
Jisung blinks at him several times in quick succession, hanging on to the least important thing in his story. “Wait, you topped because you felt guilty?”
Hyunjin waves his hand and drinks more wine. “Is that really important? I’ve topped before in my life, it’s hot, I just don’t wanna do it all the time?”
“Yeah dude, I fully get that,” Jisung says casually, and Hyunjin almost misses the implication, glancing up at Minho, who just wiggles his eyebrows at his surprised expression. “But you haven’t exactly branded yourself as a switch before so this opens some new doors, right?”
“... Does it?” Hyunjin asks, frowning because he really doesn’t think it does. It’s not like it’s complete news for him to stick his dick in someone. It’s just unusual.
“You could fuck Felix now,” Minho shrugs. “You’re his type, right?”
Hyunjin parts his lips to protest, but he finds himself at a loss for words. He has definitely not been thinking about that. Instead he winces.
“Isn’t it kinda gross to think about that? I mean, he’s my best friend,” he mutters, wiping his clammy palms on his sweatpants and he wishes his hair was down so he could hide behind his bangs.
“I fuck my best friend all the time,” Jisung shrugs, and Hyunjin rolls his eyes. “So no, I wouldn’t say it’s gross. Didn’t you just say he’s such an incredible kisser that you got hard from it? And got super jealous of some random dude biting him?”
“I didn’t- I never said super jealous!” Hyunjin protests the parts that he can, and he tries to fight against the blush, hiding his cheeks in his hands.
“You didn’t have to,” Minho tells him, and he does sound pretty sympathetic, for being him.
“But that doesn’t-” Hyunjin cuts himself off with a frustrated sigh. “Okay, so say I want to fuck him, and he lets me. Hypothetically. What would that do with our friendship?”
“Well, it could land you in a stable, healthy relationship going on three years?” Jisung suggests, grinning as he reaches for Minho’s cheesecake, glancing up at his boyfriend with a softened smile. “Or it could do nothing and you’d still be friends, but if you feel something he doesn’t, eventually it’s probably going to be weird.”
“Felix doesn’t like me, come on,” Hyunjin deadpans, because that’s not reasonable. “You know him.”
“Yeah, we do,” Minho says thoughtfully, fingertips absently running over Jisung’s thigh as he watches him steal his food. “And I don’t think it’s that much of a stretch to imagine you two dating? You practically already do.”
“We don’t,” Hyunjin protests. “We’re just close like, you know, like two straight girls can be. Who like the same kind of guys and tell each other everything and all that shit.”
“So what kind of guy do you like, Jinnie?” Jisung asks, far too innocently as he looks up at Hyunjin with his head tilted the slightest.
“You know that, big muscles, nice hair and a deep voice,” Hyunjin shrugs, because it’s an easy question.
“And not just for a quick fuck, what kind of guy would you wanna date?” Jisung goes on pointedly, and Hyunjin finds himself startled because he’s never truly managed to date one of those guys. They’ve never shared any of his interests and he never felt very connected to them on a deeper level, but he honestly can’t tell what kind of guy he’d want to date if not one of them.
“I… I don’t know?” he finally says, frowning, and Minho smiles.
“So you wouldn’t want to date a guy who likes the same things you do, who practically goes on dates with you already, who you never have to worry about what he’s going to wear when you meet up, who could buy you new eyeliner without having to ask for a picture of it and which store to go to?” Minho asks, and Hyunjin wets his lips. “And also, who’s got broad shoulders and a six pack, spends more money on hair products than food and what was that last part, a deep voice?”
Minho turns to Jisung with mock concern as he speaks the last part, and Hyunjin has half a mind to toss the remains of his wine into his face because now he’s thinking about how low Felix’s voice can go.
“Oh right, that does sound like someone Jinnie would like,” Jisung agrees, just as mock concerned. “Wonder where we could find a guy like that?”
“I hate you both,” Hyunjin announces, cheeks burning. “Even if I potentially would like to date him, he wouldn’t want to date me.”
“Hmm, maybe not,” Jisung muses, and Hyunjin braces himself. “Guess he wouldn’t want to date a tall guy with big arms and a beautiful face who knows him better than he does himself, looks after him and just admitted to having a sexual preference that matches his own. Guess him initiating two make-out sessions within a week is completely irrelevant to this discussion.”
“... Did I mention I hate you both?” Hyunjin asks, because once again, where’s the lie? “All of that might be plausible in theory, but it doesn’t make it real?”
“The kissing was real,” Jisung shrugs, then sends him a suspicious look that Hyunjin can’t help but laugh at. “Right?”
“Very real,” Hyunjin confirms, a small tingle running down his spine at the memory. Well shit. “So what do I do? Tell him it’d be reasonable for us to date and that I maybe want to fuck him? But just maybe because I’m not sure?”
“You should probably stop kissing him until you figure out what it means to you,” Minho raises an eyebrow, and Hyunjin pouts.
“But it’s really nice,” he tries, and Minho widens his eyes at him with an exasperated look, the same look that usually goes with a murder threat for being stupid. “Fine. I’ll stop until I figure it out.”
“Good boy,” Jisung coos at him, and Hyunjin sends him a glare that makes Jisung laugh. “Are you gonna eat that cake?”
“Fuck off,” Hyunjin tells him and reaches for his cheesecake.
He definitely needs some sugar after this conversation.
~*~