Chapter Text
I freeze, clearly the only appropriate immediate response to such a claim. I stare into my monitor, and the screen glows back at me indiscriminately. The cobblestone walls blurring into some amalgamation of grays, browns, and reds. I let my eyes go back into focus on the red in the bottom left of the monitor, I can’t believe she kept that stupid rose, I think to myself. Obviously I didn’t have anything more important to think about, I snapped back at myself, frustrated that I couldn't think of a response to those three words.
It seems like an entirety before I finally typed a response, even though truthfully only a couple of seconds had passed. I let my eyes play that cat and mouse game of fading in and out of focus, trying to think of any tactful and thoughtful response… Then I sent my fingers flying across the plastic keys of my keyboard, every clack and click making me regret getting a mechanical keyboard ever more. Instead of any semblance of a tactful or meaningful response to this proclamation of emotions, I frantically sent a bunch of confused messages in all caps, “?/ ? ?? ? ??”, “WHAT”, “WHERE DID THAT COME FROMFS”.
Where did that come from? Just a couple seconds ago I was talking about some random stupid wooden sign, then out of nowhere I got hit with this! I mean who even brings it up like that, she couldn’t have waited or maybe have chosen a better moment! And then she goes and takes forever to respond, I send another flurry of messages, not wanting to wait for her to respond, “HELLO ? ? ?”
I look around her room, the cobblestone painting a gray sky as my eyes go out of focus again, I don’t bother refocusing them as my screen spins. I search for some type of explanation in the abstract patterns, not that I would find one. I turn back to her and silently curse her slow fingers, who even is this girl? Has she even typed on a computer before? “IS THAT LIKE”, I grasp for words for a moment, not taking any effort to take off caps lock, “A JOKE?! I CAN’T TELL”
Silence. Introspection- I don’t want to introspect, why isn’t she saying anything!? Maybe she made a mistake, or she didn’t mean it the way I thought she did. I mean, come on, me? I’m not exactly Ms. Universe. I barely get picked for anything, let alone this? I finally turned off caps lock, even though it totally fit this moment and was deserved. I take a deep breath, “flora”, I try and put a thought down, “please answer me”
And answer me she did. I stare at the message, “i love you rose”. About a billon thoughts run rampant through my mind, barely getting time to articulate nor process one before the next comes. First, “dont just SAY IT AGIAN ?? ? ? ? ? ?”, I type frantically, trying to get some expression of my thoughts out to her. I wait, waiting for her to say something, anything to clarify. To tell me it’s all some kind of sick joke, or that she didn’t mean it that way.
“ok.” I finally type, sick of waiting and wanting to quell my racing heart, “tell me one word… are you joking or serious?” I walk up to her, which is surreal. I can’t believe I’m doing this in minecraft of all things? Waiting… Waiting… Waiting… “PLEASE.”, I desperately express, hoping for some kind of conclusion, or closure, or anything.
I look into her eyes, the eyes of someone I’d only had such a short time to get to know. Someone that isn’t human, in fact, I’m not sure what they are. Someone who I would only ever get to meet in some stupid minecraft world for some stupid ARG. Yet when I look into her eyes I know that I’m-
“Serious”
Her message wrings through my mind before I have the chance to finish my thought. I stare into her eyes again. The eyes of someone who I’d come to enjoy finding in my world. The eyes of someone I’ve come to deeply care about. It didn’t matter she wasn’t human, she’s here, and that’s enough. Right?
I walk backward, desperately trying to find something to say, anything. A way to express all the emotions I am feeling right now. For once in my life, she messages before I find something to say, “so?” “HEY”, I snap back at her, “THATS MY THING… YOU CANT TAKE THAT”. Secretly, I am kind of thankful for this distraction, and it’s kinda cute- Nope. Not letting that thought roam. “im the one who says ‘so?’ YOU say ‘:)’ and ‘:3’.”, I type, not wanting to let the silence last.
THEN SHE SAYS, “answer then”. Which is so unhelpful, I mean what am I even supposed to say to that! “where the hell did this confidence come from” I ask, trying to avoid the obvious, “ok well… thats a loaded question… it’s like…” I grasp at something to say, something to express how I feel, “i love your body?”
I instantly regret it, frantically typing out, “OK WAIT NO… THAT SOUNDS REALLY BAD… I MEAN LIKE YOURE PRETTY”. Why is it so hard for me to say this?! I wish I could just tell her how I feel. “???”, she responds, clearly confused. “OK.” I respond, why am I so bad at this?! “what im trying to say is i love your physical appearance”, I finally manage to type out, a somewhat decent explanation, “does that make sense”
“do you love me back”, she asks persistently, the one question I don’t want to answer. The one question I don’t know how to answer. How could a simple word or two sum up all these thoughts and feelings and this draw I feel to her. She was the one who I was supposed to be afraid of, not this?!
I climb back up the ladder that leads to my room, but I’m not going to run away. I’ve spent so much of my stupid life running away from my stupid problems, I’m not going to let this pass me by. I’m not going to run. I craft myself a sign and go back down the ladder, flora still in the exact same spot she was in when I left. She really doesn’t move all too much, does she?
I put the sign down and for an instant, I reflect on everything. Everything in my life that has brought me here. Everything I’ve done, good, bad, or something in between. The people I’ve hurt, the people I’ve helped, the people who left, the people who I left. I thought in the moment about all the decisions in my life that had led me to this moment, this choice. I thought about my regrets, but as I typed the first key, I was sure this wouldn’t pass me by, this wouldn’t be a regret.
“Look at the sign”, I typed in the chat, before taking one last look back at the sign, looking back at those three little letters which so inadequately summed up these pent-up emotions. Yet after I had risen up the ladder, finally letting myself freak out, flora so eloquently summed it up with two symbols.
<3