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Merlin rolled his eyes at Arthur's antics, more to keep up appearances than actual annoyance. It had been a while since Arthur had woken up in such a bad mood, and Merlin throwing the curtains open did not help. He wasn't surprised in the least when Arthur had flung his pillow at Merlin in retaliation, missing by quite a few feet, before burying himself inside the blanket.
"Come on sire, time to wake up. You have a busy morning today." Merlin said as he moved towards the table to steal a couple of grapes. He was still facing the table when he felt a dull impact against his head, pushing him forward so suddenly that he almost hit his head against the table.
He whirled around angrily. "Arthur!" And saw Arthur sitting up in bed, blinking at Merlin.
"Don't be a child Merlin, its just a pillow. And besides I didn't actually mean to hit you." He said, getting off the bed and stretching.
"Honorable people dont throw things at their servants, you prat! Why would you do that? " Merlin snapped, before reeling himself back.
Woah. That was a lot of anger. Merlin never got that angry for such a tiny thing. It was just a pillow after all, and it's not like Merlin hadn't flung it at Arthur before ...
Arthur doesn't care if it was a pillow or a knife. He'd have thrown it at you anyway.
Kill him.
Merlin froze at that thought. Where had that come from? Sure, he'd get annoyed with Arthur when the prat gives him a long list of chores that are almost impossible to complete even with his magic. He'd get pissed off on being woken up to prepare for a hunt in the middle of the night because his royal highness was getting bored cooped up in his tower. But Merlin had never had such thoughts before.
"Well, what are you waiting for?" Arthur's voice broke Merlin's thoughts and brought him back to reality. "Get me ready for the day, Merlin. You said i have a busy day and deemed it necessary to wake me up so rudely again. So get on with it."
A flash of irritation ran through Merlin, but he ignored it and began dressing Arthur.
He was halfway through the task when Arthur stopped him by gripping his shoulder. "I'm sorry for the pillow. I have a headache and i really did not aim it at you, but i guess i wasnt careful enough."
Merlin stared at Arthur, mouth slightly open. What was going on? Was Arthur enchanted? Merlin fell into a haze and barely registered when he dressed Arthur, bowed to him and walked out to continue his tasks for the day.
Maybe Arthur was not so much of a prat anymore. Sure, he hasn't heard an apology from him before but maybe it was just that - an apology. Nothing sinister, no enchantment behind it.
Or maybe he's trying to trick you. To get you closer to him and wait till you slip up so that he can order your execution.
Dont be stupid. Kill him.
Merlin shook his head slightly, trying to throw away that thought. He'd probably had a bad dream and wasn't thinking straight. Maybe the words the witch had uttered before he'd defeated her last night was stuck in his head. It wasnt anything he hadn't heard before. All the sorcerers coming to kill Arthur for revenge said pretty much the same thing.
Shrugging his shoulders, Merlin continued on his way to the armoury to polish Arthur's armour.
***
Arthur sat and stared at the door for a few minutes even after Merlin had left, idly chewing his breakfast, brows furrowed. Something felt off, a vague sense of wrongness, right from when Merlin had come to wake him up. His head throbbed as he remembered the way Merlin had burst out after being hit by the pillow and then froze while dressing Arthur. He had not once brushed Arthur's skin with his fingers, not straightened his clothes, even when they had been lopsided. And Merlin always straightened his clothes. He always ran his palm all the way from his shoulders to the hem of his tunic both in the front and at the back, irrespective of whether his tunic was creased. His small touches had increased recently, after they had started courting in secret, since Merlin knew Arthur loved it and that he didnt need to hide his affection any more.
And if that occurance wasnt weird enough, Merlin had then bowed to Arthur and disappeared from the room.
Arthur might have pushed this away as Merlin being preoccupied with something or having not gotten enough rest, but since they started courting in secret a few weeks ago, Merlin had also been having breakfast with Arthur. Even today, his breakfast platter had more food than was necessary for one person, a clear sign that the cook had evidently adapted to Arthur's 'growing appetite'. And yet, Merlin had essentially run away from him.
With a huge sigh, Arthur pushed away his breakfast, and moved over to the pile of correspondence on his desk. Maybe he could try to get some work done before his meeting. He was sure to meet Merlin there and Arthur could then confirm if his concerns were valid or if he was just overthinking.
***
The meeting went by without a hitch, if Arthur could exclude the fact that Merlin hadn't showed up at all.
'Maybe he was busy in something. Gaius might have called him for some work.' Arthur tried to reason with himself, but couldn't help but feel a little hurt and irritated by Merlin's behaviour. He'd tried to be understanding but it was difficult to do so when he didn't know what was wrong.
The next time he saw Merlin was when Merlin brought in his dinner - the usual meat and vegetables, with a fruit tart as dessert. Merlin placed it on the table and stood back, smiling at Arthur, though his shoulders still looked tense. Evidently something was still wrong.
"Go ahead, sire. I'll just make your bed ready for the night." He said and turned away. Arthur huffed, the use of his title rubbing him the wrong way, especially when it was Merlin using it in the privacy of his chambers. He was about to dig into his dinner when he was interrupted by Gwen bursting in through the door.
"Stop, sire!" She yelled, panting as she tried to catch her breath, a tray held in her hands.
"What happened?" Merlin asked, still standing by the bed and frowning at Gwen, not attempting to help her.
"The cook said someone might have accidentally mixed up your dinner. The tray served to you is for Lady Mira and it has blueberries in the fruit tart. This one is for you." She said, indicating the tray in her hands.
"Ah. Of course, Arthur doesn't eat blueberries. Never understood how someone can be as picky about food as him." Merlin said and stalked over to her, placing the new tray on the table and retrieving his tray from Arthur's hands. "Here you go." He said and attempted to hand over the tray to Gwen, when his hand slipped and the contents dropped to the floor.
"Oh no." Merlin said, staring at the food on the floor. "Ill get it cleared up. You should go, Gwen."
Arthur nodded at Gwen when she looked his way for confirmation and then looked at Merlin again. He was now sure that something was going on. Otherwise why would Merlin bring him a tray with blueberries in the food. And even if he didnt know about it, Merlin's reaction on finding out about the blueberries was just plain wrong. Merlin knew that Arthur was allergic to blueberries, had himself knocked a wine glass out of his hand when he got to know that someone had mixed in blueberries with his wine. When Arthur had asked him how he knew, Merlin had confessed that he'd always used his magic to confirm the ingredients in his food before bringing it to Arthur. So just what had happened today?
***
Merlin muttered curses to himself as he bent down to clear up the broken plates and food he had dropped on the floor. He was annoyed that all his efforts had gone to a waste. Especially after he went through so much trouble to pick out a odourless, colourless poison from Gaius's shelf and mixed it in Arthur's food. It was the perfect poison, but Arthur would not be eating it now, and Merlin couldn't send the tray off to be delivered to Lady Mira. Especially since he knew he had killed her last night. Who knew which poor soul might end up with the plate of poisoned food and die?
He was still grumbling about his misfortune because how was it that Merlin had picked up the one tray which would kill Arthur even without poison but ended up unsuccessful even with poison, when Arthur spoke into the silence.
"Why don't you clear it with your magic?"
Merlin stumbled back in horror. "What?" He said stupidly, before pulling himself together with difficulty. " I dont know what you're talking about. You're evidently mistaken. I'm just your servant. "
See, he's just trying to bait you, to get you to use magic so that he can kill you.
You must act first, Merlin. Poison didn't work, you should attack him directly.
"Merlin, dont be ridiculous." Arthur snapped at him, annoyance and worry shining in his eyes. "I've told you not to say that about yourself now that we've started courting. You're not just my servant now. And besides, why are you pretending that you don't have magic? You've already told me all about it, and even showed me your magic multiple times. Have you forgotten?"
"Oh. Yes. Of course. I just.... forgot. I was distracted." Merlin managed to stutter out.
He knows.
He's going to betray you.
He's going to kill you.
Kill him.
Kill him.
Kill him now.
Merlin stood up slowly, food and plates still on the floor, fingers shivering slightly as he tried to decide what to do. Just then there was a knock on the door again, and the tension in the room snapped immediately.
"Come in." Arthur said, running a palm over his face, slipping into his kingly mask, a faint smile on his face, though his brow was still furrowed.
"Sire, I have come to update you about Lady Mina. She has apparently left Camelot today afternoon, with her belongings. Some people saw her carriage leave the city earlier." Leon said and then left once the message was delivered.
Arthur thought nothing much about it, dismissing it as inconsequential, until he saw Merlin's face.
Merlin looked confused but had also turned pale as a sheet.
"Merlin?" Arthur asked tentatively and an involuntary smile curved his lips at the way Merlin's attention immediately snapped to him.
"I... I was sure that Lady Mina was dead. She's a sorceror. I killed her last night." Merlin said softly.
"Sorry, what? Lady Mina is a sorcerer? You killed her?"
"Hey she attacked me first! It was her or me and I'm not going to die so easily." Merlin snapped and Arthur raised his arms slowly, palms outward, trying to placate Merlin.
"Okay okay. I believe you." Arthur said, moving closer to Merlin. "Can you tell me what happened last night?"
He doesn't believe you.
Why is he asking you questions?
He just wants to find a reason to get you killed.
"Why? Don't you believe me?" Merlin asked, unable to stop himself, thoughts running haywire, his internal voice screaming at him that he was in danger.
"Merlin, I do. But i need to know why you say you killed Lady Mina but people saw her leaving in her carriage. If you've killed her, her belongings should still be there in the castle, as should her carriage. We should be able to find her body. But none of those are here. So can you please think back to what happened last night?"
Merlin looked skeptical but finally nodded, accepting the logic behind Arthur's request. His eyes unfocused, staring up at the ceiling as he tried to remember the previous night.
Suddenly, a shudder ran through Merlin's entire body and his eyes rolled shut, body swaying as he collapsed right in front of Arthur's eyes.
***
"Merlin!" Arthur caught him swiftly as Merlin collapsed, brought to the floor by the added weight. He brought him closer in his arms and tapped Merlin's cheek softly, trying to rouse him. " Merlin what happened? Come on, wake up you idiot! "
He hurriedly brought his fingers to Merlin's neck, relaxing slightly when he felt the pulse. Merlin's chest rose and fell gently against his own as Arthur gathered him up in his arms and carried him over to the bed, laying him down gently.
"Guards! Get Gaius." He screamed and nodded at the guard who had popped his head into the room at his shout. Arthur sat down beside Merlin, holding his hand gently, finger resting on his wrist such that he could feel Merlin's pulse hammering away. Merlin looked like he might have been asleep or just unconscious, no visible signs of injury anywhere. It was the only thing keeping Arthur sane as he waited for Gaius.
***
"I cannot tell you for sure what has happened to Merlin, Sire. It looks like a curse but its only affecting Merlin's mind. His body is whole and healthy. But it looks like he's lost somewhere in his mind. I'll have to look into my books to see if i can find out more." Gaius said.
"I'll send my knights out to capture Lady Mina. Merlin told me he killed her last night. He was trying to remember what happened last night, when he suddenly collapsed."
Arthur sighed loudly, hand still interlinked with Merlin's and waited for Gaius's agreement before dismissing him with a promise to update Arthur as soon as there was any progress.
"Hold on, Merlin. Hold on so that you can come back to me."
***
It took only a few hours before Gwaine and Lancelot captured Lady Mina and brought her back to Arthur's chambers. He had refused to leave Merlin's side even for a few minutes, too worried that Merlin might wake up and find himself alone. Or that he might never wake up again....
It took another hour of interrogation before Lady Mina confessed to cursing Merlin, gloating all the while that there was no escaping the curse. "Merlin will die, and so will you King Arthur. Don't worry, you will see him again. Because he will be the one to come back and kill you." Mina cackled, loud and long until Gwaine knocked her unconscious.
***
Two days.
It took two days for Gaius to find a counterspell in one of his old tomes. The whole while, Arthur stayed by Merlin's side, refusing to leave him alone, refusing to shift Merlin from his chambers back to Merlin's own. By then all sorts of rumours about Merlin, about their relationship, about Arthur's supposed heartbreak had spread throughout the castle, but Arthur was least bothered. He would deal with it all when Merlin was back.
It was early morning of day two, when Gaius came up with the solution. A dangerous one, but a solution none the less. And probably the only one that would work. With the spirit of hope burning in him once again, Arthur began his preparations to get Merlin back with him, safe and sound.
***
One second Merlin was looking up at Arthur's ceiling, trying to recall what had happened last night, fighting against the voice in him that had been screaming a continuous litany of kill him kill him kill him, and the next second, everything went black as a strange suction pulled him backward.
When Merlin blinked back to awareness, head spinning with the effort to sit up, he realised he was floating around in a dark space, nothing in sight. Sighing, Merlin spun around and walked, or rather floated in a direction chosen at random. Surely he would end up somewhere.
"Ah, stupid child. I knew you would come here." A voice said and Lady Mina materialised in front of him. She was glowing slightly, not entirely corporeal, and when Merlin sent a wave of his magic at her to try and grab her, it passed through harmlessly. So she wasnt fully here then. But where was here? And why wasn't she dead?
"You're in your own mind, Merlin" Mina said, as if she could hear what he was thinking.
"Yes. I can, in fact hear what you're thinking. I'm not dead, i just cursed you last night to think that I died. You see, i cursed you to go kill your dear King Arthur." She spat Arthur's name like a curse, making Merlin bristle with hatred, even as a voice echoed around him once more.
Kill him.
Kill Arthur.
He is just like his father. He has killed so many innocents and he will do so again. He will kill you too Merlinnnn.
"That was you !" Merlin snapped at Mina, angry at how she had manipulated him, when he realised.... he had tried to poison Arthur. She had succeeded in controlling him, had almost succeeded in her mission for revenge. Merlin felt sick. How could he even do that. How was he so weak to get controlled by anyone and attempt to harm Arthur. Thank god it hadn't worked.
"It didn't work because you! ... you locked away your memories, Merlin! " Mina yelled, drifting closer. "My plan was foolproof. My curse was supposed to access your memories so that i could control you and kill Arthur without alerting anyone. Instead you pushed me out and i was left yelling at you to kill Arthur while going about a perfect servant's life. And you aren't a perfect servant, are you? That was my mistake. I could see Arthur getting suspicious, and i had to act before he found out. I had to get you here."
"What do you mean, Mina? Let me go!" Merlin snapped at her when he suddenly realised that he could feel chains around his arms and legs. They glimmered in the same extracorporeal way that Mina did, but Merlin found that his magic couldn't break them either.
"You see, i have a backup plan. I knew that once Arthur found out that you think you killed me, he would ask you to think back. To remember what happened because he would never leave a mystery unsolved. And that's why I planted myself here instead of your memories of last night. So now you're in your mind, defenseless. And while you erected barriers to prevent me from reaching your memories, they will not hold against you. I will know all i need to kill Arthur and take over Camelot." Mina laughed gleefully.
And with a spell muttered under her breath, eyes flashing golden, Mina was gone.
Merlin looked around him, disoriented and overwhelmed by whatever Mina had said, struggling against the chains but he couldnt move an inch.
Swirls of light and sound spun around him, and Merlin could make out himself as a child dancing around in the fests at Ealdor. Him using magic to do repairs at home. Him kissing his mother goodbye as he left towards Camelot with a pack over his shoulder and hope in his heart.
The scenes changes and became slower. Merlin could make out the details much better now. There he was, looking in horror at the first public execution he had witnessed in Camelot. And the same horror every time Uther condemned another sorceror and set them aflame. He could see himself using magic to stop the blade and save Arthur's life in his first banquet. Using magic to save Arthur from poisoning. Using magic to save him from bandits and from magical creatures and assassins.
Mina's words came to his mind again and Merlin started struggling against the chains. He could see the images changing rapidly to show the layouts of the rooms, the poisons and antidotes Gaius used, the weapons in the armoury and every part of Merlin screamed at it to stop.
He was betraying Arthur and he couldn't even stop himself.
Merlin sank to his knees, tears flowing over his cheeks as his memories came up one after another. He saw the events that had happened a month ago, when Arthur had found out about his magic and had walked away without another word. He had ignored Merlin for a couple of days, while Merlin stayed in bed, not eating, not sleeping, just existing and waiting to either be killed or banished. Merlin screamed in agony as the memoried assaulted him again, putting him right back in the past and the despair threatened to overwhelm him.
Maybe this wasn't just a memory of the past, but was his actual reality. Maybe Arthur hated him. Maybe Arthur thought that he'd betrayed him, that Merlin had taken all the trust and all the affection Arthur had given him, balled it up and thrown it away. Maybe Arthur would never trust him again and Merlin was better off dead.
"No, Merlin, that's not true. I trust you. Always." Arthur's voice echoed in the empty space, coming not from his memories but from somewhere in the distance.
"Arthur?"
"Yes, Merlin. Its me. Come on now, clotpole. Come back to me. Its time to wake up Merlin."
Arthur said, voice getting closer as he drifted up to Merlin.
"What... how... this isnt real. Its another trick isnt it? Mina, what are you doing now! Stop it!" Merlin sobbed, still on his knees.
Arthur knelt in front of him and reached out to Merlin, caressing his cheek. "No, Merlin. I'm actually here. Gaius helped me get into your mind. Its the only way we can get you out."
Merlin wanted to believe him so badly but... "How do I know its actually you and not a trick?" Merlin asked, looking away as memories of his courtship with Arthur popped up. The confession, the picnic, the nights spent kissing in Arthur's chambers, the hunt they'd gone to when they slept beside each other and had woken up in the morning entwined together.
"Look at me, Merlin." Arthur said, reaching out to Merlin's hand. Merlin jumped when he realised that though he couldn't feel Arthur's touch, he could feel a faint pressure against his skin. Merlin watched as his magic sparked between them before lazily twirling around Arthur's fingers. Arthur held his hand up and let Merlin examine it. "Your magic knows me, Merlin. Remember it did the same thing after we kissed for the first time? "
Merlin did remember. And his mind decided to very helpfully bring up the memory again. Arthur looked around at the change in his surroundings, eyes shining with unshed tears. Merlin ducked his head, smiling at the awestruck expression on Arthur's face, as Arthur saw himself the way Merlin saw him. A honest ruler. A just king. A loyal but slightly prattish friend. The love of his life.
Arthur grabbed Merlin's hands again, leaning forward to place a soft, tender kiss against his lips. "Come back with me, Merlin" Arthur said, leaning his forehead against Merlin's.
Merlin gave a little nod, and let go of his magic, trusting that with Arthur there, it would know what to do and how to get them out. He shuddered as his magic jumped across the chains around his body, breaking the links until it was just them, Merlin and Arthur floating in space. Merlin looked into Arthur eyes, the shade of blue that he loved so much and let his eyes drift close as his magic spun around them and he fell into freefall, Arthur in his arms.
***
When Merlin opened his eyes again, it was to the sight of the roof in Arthur's chamber and Arthur's face hovering over his worriedly. He smiled, and leaned up to kiss Arthur. It started soft and delicate but soon shifted into a desperate kiss as Merlin's arms brushed over Arthur's and his magic swept over them, confirming that they were both safe and uninjured.
He pulled back suddenly, grinning as he saw Arthur chase his lips and pull him into another kiss. He kissed back fervently before pushing Arthur away. "Arthur, wait, we've to catch Mina. She's not dead and she... she got into my head and she knows a lot about Camelot and about my magic. I couldn't stop her, Arthur, i swear i tried but..."
Merlin was interrupted as Arthur leaned over to peck his lips again. "Mina is in the dungeons, and Gaius has given her a sleeping draught. We figured that was safer just in case she managed to break through your wards somehow. So don't worry, Merlin. We'll deal with her later."
Merlin heaved a sigh of relief and relaxed back into bed, pulling Arthur along with him and back into his arms. Arthur hummed happily as he made himself comfortable, resting his head on Merlin's chest where he could hear Merlin's heart beating strongly. Merlin's fingers slowly ran through his hair, caressing the strands. They had a lot to do, a lot to discuss. They had to deal with Mina, Merlin wanted to tell Arthur about the curse, and the poison he had mixed in the food. Merlin shuddered at the thought of that difficult conversation, but he didnt want to keep it from Arthur and let it fester within him.
Arthur felt Merlin shudder below him and rubbed his arm slowly, holding him closer. "Are you cold?"
Merlin shook his head. Looked like they'd be having the conversation now. "It's not that Arthur. Its just... the whole day I've been hearing a voice in my head telling me that you were just tricking me into exposing myself, that i had to kill you...and uh.... the lunch i brought for you today, that was poisoned." There was complete silence for a couple of minutes and Merlin couldn't help tearing up at the thought of what might have happened if Gwen hadn't interrupted them in the afternoon.
"Arthur." Merlin sniffed. "Im so sorry. I swear I don't know what happened and how i could ever do such a thing. But I did it.... I understand if you want me to leave now." Merlin said and tried to free himself from Arthur's arms. "Arthur..."
"Merlin." Arthur said, turning his head so that his chin now rested on Merlin's chest and he could look into Merlin's eyes - eyes that were filled with tears again. "That's the last thing i want. I know you were cursed, and you weren't yourself today. I'd never hold it against you." He pressed a small kiss against Merlin's chest and smiled, wiping away Merlin's tears. "I love you, Merlin."
"But i still betrayed you." Merlin said sadly.
"And you had no control over it. If Mina had controlled me instead of you, would you blame me?"
"What, no of course not." Merlin said indignantly.
"Well then, there you go." Arthur said smugly. "Can we go to sleep now? I'm tired, Merlin!" His tone ended in a whine, making Merlin laugh out loud before settling in once more. He sent a quick note to Gaius with his magic, telling him that they were alright and would meet him later. They'd deal with everything else tomorrow.
"Arthur." Merlin said, smiling as Arthur responded with a sleepy hum. "I love you too. So much." Merlin said and placed a soft kiss on Arthur's forehead, before closing his eyes, ready to drift away into sleep, Arthur by his side.
***