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“I just wish…” … “I just want a fully functional, real magic want, for like an hour…”
But that wouldn’t work. She knew all about magic lamps and how the djinn in them turned any wish into something that you didn’t really want, that punished more than it helped.
“But what if I could give you what you wish?” a voice said from… somewhere. It seemed to come from all around her.
In the state she was in now, she would not be able to out think something that wanted to do this.
She shook her head. "It would never work the way I intended."
“But what if it did? What if I could? Are you willing to give that up?”
She snorted and shook her head. “Listen, I’ve called myself a jinx many times over my life and it’s not not true. Whatever I wished for, whatever I wanted, whatever I intended, it would not work. You’d have a hay day with everything else out there in the universe that wants to make me its bitch. It’s been the story of my life.”
“True. You have had the oddest luck. Almost like you’d been cursed slightly.”
The voice sounded… slyly knowing. And she let her head fall to her chest, snorting and then laughed. “Well… I had wondered why I was being punished in this life.”
“This life? You sound like you think you’ve had another.”
“I… well, I would say I *know*, but there are far too many people who would think it was just my over active imagination. Or my day-dreaming or something. I can’t really say I know know but… it’s certainly a wasted life if this is the only one I had.”
The voice took on form around her - it was like that scene in Doctor Strange vs Dormammu, the… being was huge. And it looked at her with a piercing gaze. Judging and sneering but then with a gleam in their eyes, it became sly and sarcastic.
Before it could say anything, she snorted and shook her head and then gave a sharp laugh. Pointing, she said, “THAT won’t work. I’ve seen too many of those expressions on the predators who’ve victimized, bullied, belittled, gaslighted, abused and otherwise, me.” Well, in for a penny, in for a pound. “I really don’t give a shit what you have in mind. I’m old, I’m tired, I’ve poor health and am so out of shape that it’s too late to do anything. All I’m doing right now is waiting. Just… waiting.”
The being turned angry but before she had a chance to even fear what they would do, something else entered the playing field.
The beings stared and then started shouting at each other in a language she didn’t know, had never heard before. While the two… whatever they were… did their thing, she turned around in the gray area, hoping to find herself back in her room. She had things to do, no matter that she didn’t have the energy, the cognitive ability, the motivation or anything else. But… there was nothing but the gray place. There was nothing. It was just gray.
After several moments of listening to them, she was just about to slump to the “floor”, lay down and rest but the beings stopped. The one who had been their first left in a huff, a cold breeze swirling around the area, sending her shivering.
The new… being… spoke. “You aren’t really cursed, unless you consider being an individual in the human race a curse.” The entity huffed lightly, “which, I can understand if you do. The human race is…” The being couldn’t seem to find the words they wanted to say.
“Yeah.” She nodded. “I know. It’s like someone spent all their time on world-building with everything – the planet, the animals, outer space and all that, and then dropped the ball on the apex race “in charge” of the creator’s creation.
“It has never, ever made sense to me. I mean, give us, the human race this,… brilliant and awe inspiring environment to do with as we would, this open sandbox… and instead of caring for it, nurturing it, working within all of that to make it so that everything lived and worked and played and … evolved together, as much as possible, the human race decided to dominate it and did absolutely everything to it in every way of abuse and violence and disrespect and all that. It was like we expected to be able to do all that and then look up when 'playtime' was over, expecting everything to be fine and then realized we’d bombed the shit out of the house. And then went into toddler meltdown with an armory full of weapons we randomly threw around. In all honesty, leaving the entire world-building in something looking like a war that had decimated EVERYTHING.
“I’m tired.” She said, “If this is it, just get it over with already. If this is the end, the real The End, just do it and be done with it already. I’m too tired to continue doing this life. It’s been too much ‘bad’ with little good.” She huffed. “People say that the best is yet to come but I’m in my 50’s and the life I’ve lived is not conducive to better overall health. This body and brain were formed badly. And about the time I started figuring things out and healing from all the shit that happened throughout my lifetime, we got a second generation Hitler and all his minions in power. It doesn’t matter how many people say “that can’t happen here” because it IS HAPPENING HERE. This is not some fairytale or book or movie. There is no guarantee that “the good guys” will win. BAD THINGS HAPPEN and, unfortunately, they are happening to the populace of the United States of America right now. It’s just… our time to have the shitty end of the stick like it has been for everywhere else.
“There are no superheroes coming to save us, just because we are the United States of America. We got here because of our own hubris. We didn’t pay enough attention to how we were evolving, how the politics kept going certain ways, how people began to hoard money and resources and effectively creating an 'us vs. them' mentality and environment. We allowed ourselves to become complacent….
“It’s too late to turn the unwieldy machine around. The lifeboats have been set to sea and they’re going to need to take care of themselves while the machine reconfigures and fixes all the holes, the communications, life-support and all that before regathering them and welcoming them back. IF IF IF that can be done. Which I’m seriously doubting.”
The being gazed upon her with an odd expression.
“That is a rather interesting way of looking at things.” They finally said.
She shrugged. “There is a saying that ‘the squeaky wheel gets the oil’. What that means is that those who are rude and have no manners are ALWAYS the ones to be listened to, because many others are quiet and polite and others just want to create chaos and watch everything burn. It doesn’t matter how many times we 'start over', unless the human race understands and acknowledges that ALL humans, no matter their skin color, gender, religious beliefs, culture and all that, IS ONE RACE and we ALL have to work TOGETHER, we are always going to be … where we are now. There are too many people working at cross purposes. The human race will never be perfect. We will never be peaceful. We will never get to the point of so many ‘happy endings’ portrayed in all of our media because we just aren’t made to be anything other than cantankerous.
“We’ve tried segregating ourselves. Putting ‘criminals’ in one place, wealthy in another, dividing ourselves by those who want to live in peace and those who prefer violence. We never stay in our own little designated areas. So… I think if I were given any type of power, I would simply decide to say ‘what’s the point, just exterminate everyone, get it over with and leave this beautiful royal jewel of a planet to all the animals - the ones that aren’t us - and whomever from the stars finds it.’”
There was silence for several moments. She decided, since she appeared stuck here, for whatever reason, she might as well sit. A few more moments passed and she decided to lay down.
“Considering your time hasn’t come yet,” the being started, moving to hang above her, “what would it take for you to be happy/content/satisfied with life until it was your time?”
“Happiness is very ephemeral.” She spoke and then looked to be thinking. The being didn’t pressure her.
After a while, she started voicing her thoughts.
“Going back in time really never works; there’s too much that could change and lead to other, newer problems that could pop up. You could undo something that is the very foundation of one of your own cornerstones. So it would have to be from this point. And what can be, realistically done, in my 50’s, to make the rest of my life better?” She paused.
“While I want to… NEED to help others, I know that I can’t do anything with how I am right now. So I’d first have to take care of myself, which sounds very selfish, but I know, NOW, that it isn’t. If you don’t take care of yourself, no one else will. And anyone YOU want to take care of… it’s a crapshoot if someone else will pick up the slack.
“So…” she sighs out a large breath, “I’d need to take care of my physical health. This would have to start with my teeth. At this point, I’m in danger of dying from bad teeth, and isn’t that a terrible way to go.” She sat up, using one hand to swipe in front of her, voice acting as narrator of a news story, “‘Older woman dies due to’… um… ‘brain infections stemming from dental problems’ or, this one’s probably better considering the state of healthcare in the United States, ‘Older woman dies from untreated tooth infections after being unable to afford care’
“That’s really the major issue right now, along with being ‘grossly obese’ of course. But that could be helped with a personal trainer and a personal chef.”
She huffed a snorted breath. “‘Money can’t buy happiness?’ Maybe not, but it certainly helps alleviate the issues of making sure all one's basic needs are met and all that. So I’d need lots of money. And since I need money for the physical health things, and the mental health, overall healthcare of every sort, I might as well plan for after getting myself taken care of so, several billions, that ‘illions’ with a 'B', so I can take care of everything else.”
“What’s ‘everything else’?” the being asks.
She looks up into the eyes of the being, “everyone like me. Everyone in my tribe. Everyone who needs all the stuff that a human needs.”
She went on to list everything that she wanted to do, needed to do, for herself, her made-family, her blood-family, those she’d connected with virtually; things that appealed to her like animal sanctuaries, planetary issues - like global warming -; veterans concerns, and everything else.
“Why are these things you would need in order to be… ‘content’ or ‘satisfied’ with your life? These people and issues are not your responsibility.” The being countered after listening to everything she has said.
She thought for a bit. She had had slight variations of this type of question, and had answered as best she could, from various counselors. Yes, she knew that she was not responsible for other people and for all the issues she wanted to help. They said she had to have boundaries - which she was only, finally, beginning to understand in the last year (and there it was…) *but*.... And, of course, *that* stemmed from her ‘formative years’ as well as her life experiences from then up to now.
Her shoulders drooped and her back bowed a bit, “because if *I* don’t care, no one else will.”
It was a *simple* answer with not-simple-at-all roots, of course.
She and the being conversed for a long time that seemed like no time at all.
In the end, the being said, “It seems as if money really *is* your issue. You certainly seem to have the compassion and empathy needed to do what needs to be done. However, I don’t think you have the… savviness or abilities to do what you want. You’ll need to find help or you’ll end up like many of the power-warped individuals already in play.”
She nodded her head at that. She’d already thought of this many, many, many times over her lifetime.
The being continued, “I’ll make you the richest person in the world, both in liquid and illiquid assets. Your job is to take care of yourself *first* and then broaden out into the other things we have spoken of.” The being then hardened their expression. “I’ll give you five years before making a decision whether you continue or not.”
She nodded her head. She still felt… disconnected from this whole thing and knew that she’d have at least one panic attack and freakout, and meltdown, after. She hoped she used these resources and this time for the intended good she wanted to do. But she wouldn’t hold her breath. The media had taught her many things. Life had done so as well. Only time would tell if she continued to be the (she bowed her head fighting the ‘modesty’/shame/embarrassment for giving herself any type of kudos that had been pounded into her) nice, compassionate, empathetic and helpful person she had always strived to be.
The being started fading from view and she yelled out, “THANK YOU!!”
The being came back into focus, looking down at her, “Don’t thank me. This isn’t going to be easy. You might very well curse me before I return. But I hope you accomplish what you intend to.”
The being disappeared and she was suddenly back in her room, laying in her bed.
For the first time in… forever… she felt like she had something actually, really worth getting out of bed for. She had people to talk to, connections to make, things to do.
She smiled and hoped.