Chapter Text
“I’m sorry, Feng Xin,” Xie Lian had told him one rainy Sunday long ago, “I think you’re a great Dom, but you’re not the Dom for me. I think it’s best that we just remain friends and nothing more. I don’t want to ruin our friendship over this, please, I hope you can understand.”
It was something that Feng Xin had understood, regardless of the pain it had brought him. This wasn’t the first time he had been told that he wasn’t the one for someone, that he wasn’t needed. And while he could understand and respect it, it didn’t mean that being told that wasn’t hurting him.
When he was little, his parents explained how the world around them worked. There were Dominants, Submissives, and verses. His mother was a Dom, whereas his father was her Sub. They had talked him through the fact that he was a Dom and that one day in the future, he would find the Sub that was right for him and have a family of his own. His parents had instilled in him the importance of consent and the concept of safe wording. Feng Xin took it all in, and he had promised to be a good Dom, but people just didn’t want what he was willing to give to them. It was frustrating, but he kept trying, no matter what, willing to wait for the right one.
Perhaps that was the reason for where he had ended up this evening, a submissive auction with his good friend and mentor, Pei Ming. These types of auction houses were overrun with submissives who were often orphans with nowhere to go, or subs who had been sold to pay debts. It was either here or they would be sent to group homes. It was a terrible world for some submissives, and he had always tried to steer clear of these places. But with how down he had been feeling lately, he had just let his friend drag him here.
“They’re desperate, maybe desperate enough for you.” Pei had joked when he had picked him up, and honestly, Feng Xin couldn’t find it within himself to disagree.
It hadn’t taken long for the auction to start, and soon enough, number 1202 had been called out, and with it, they had dragged out probably the most beautiful man he had ever seen. The sub was bound and even gagged, but had the prettiest long hair that draped down his back and pale skin that shone under the harsh lights of the stage. He couldn’t quite make out the sub’s face from so far, but he could see the flat look that took over the man’s face. However, not even mere minutes after the sub was pulled onto the stage, resounding whispers echoed around the auction house.
“That’s him! I heard he tried to bite the last Dom’s fingers right off!!”
“Tch, such a pretty face, what a shame he’s rowdy and untameable.”
“Good luck to whatever poor bastard is foolish enough to pick him.”
“Ha! What a pathetic waste of a Sub, you couldn’t pay me to bid on him.”
“Why they keep auctioning that one off is a mystery to me.”
Feng Xin felt gross listening to the crude whispers, but without much thought, he knew what he was going to do. When the bid was open, he raised the placard with his number (09). He had always enjoyed a challenge, and maybe there was a chance that this sub wouldn’t leave him for what they believed was the better Dom; he could only hope. The moment his placard was raised, the number of whispers increased, and even Pei Ming was looking at him curiously. He could tell his friend wanted to check in to see if he really wanted to bid for this. But, Feng Xin was sure, in fact, he hadn’t been more sure of anything in a long time. No one even attempted to outbid or enter the bidding war with him, and it didn’t take very long for the bid to close completely, with him being the sole winner. The finalized bid was a measly 900 yuan, and honestly, he felt offended for the submissiveness that he wasn’t sold for more. It made him wonder just how much trouble this sub was. He’d have to have both of them come to an understanding before he took the other man to meet his parents.
Feng Xin was sure that his baba would adore this sub; the man was always so mild-mannered and sweet. However, he possessed his A-Niang’s temperament; she was stern and serious, and to add to it, he was pretty muscular. It wasn’t shocking that he was seen as one of those overpowering Doms, something that was a blessing and a curse. Which left him wondering how this Sub would react to him, especially if it was true that the Sub was a rowdy one. He sighed and let himself be guided to the area where he would pay the bid price before he was led backstage, where he would retrieve his Sub. He’d gather them up and head home for the night; he was sure Pei Ming could find his own way home. He refused to overwhelm the Sub during their very first meeting.
~~
Mu Qing had heard and seen plenty enough throughout his life. Being a submissive from the slums hadn’t been the easiest thing to live with, no, in fact, it made him an even bigger target for others. Why would some Doms go and pay some godly high amount of money for a quick fuck when lower-class Subs were there to pick from, especially if they were pretty? It was something that had infuriated him when he was younger, causing him to always lash out at anyone who had come near him or his mother. Unfortunately, when his mother had passed away, the sickness that had plagued her never got better; the head lady of the brothel had wasted no time in selling him off. She had blatantly told him that he was going to be more trouble than he was worth, which had ended with him being placed into the auction houses
In the years since then, he had passed through several different Doms' hands. All of them had eventually ended up returning him after a short time. They had all been convinced they would find a way to break him in and mold him into a good, obedient Sub. But just because he was born submissive did not mean he was going to lie there and take the treatment. So he did what he knew best: he fought, he bit, he kicked, and he cursed, doing anything he could to get away from those vile hands. And without fail, every time he ended back up in the auction house, all tied and plumped up for the dom’s viewing pleasure.
Tonight was no different for him; he could hear the sounds of loud talking and jeering even from backstage. He couldn’t help but roll his eyes at the ludicrous amounts of money being bet for some of these subs. He did his best to ignore the sound of some newer subs as they sobbed and whimpered, knowing that it was no use and too desensitized to everything that went on at these auctions. Soon enough, it would be his turn to be thrust out onto that stage under the bright spotlights so that rich doms could size him up and bet. What number auction was he on now? 10? No, maybe 12. He couldn’t remember the exact number, but he was sick of it all. He blanched at the announcer's call of his bid number, letting out a sharp hiss at the rough hands that pulled him onto the stage. The auction workers were always so roughest, most uncaring people he had ever met. But that didn’t currently matter, not as he sat under those bright lights, which blocked out the eyes that were definitely roaming over him. Though he could faintly hear the way the whispers increased, knowing that he was the subject of all of them. In the next moment, the bidding had started, and his expression morphed into one of disinterest.
‘I wonder what overcompensating brute will bid for me this time.’ He thought, imagining the kind of Dom he would be placed with this time.
He watched the process in subtle amusement as only one person bid for him; it must be someone new to the auction houses. When no other contenders tried to compete, the bid was sealed, and he had been sold for the mere starting price of the auction. Once the payment had been received, he was dragged to the pickup area to be taken by his new Dom. The man who had entered was honestly very attractive in a way that wasn’t fair at all. He was muscular in a manner that fit him well, and he swore that those golden eyes were piercing into his soul when the man looked at him.
‘Hmm, interesting. I wonder what sick things this one is into,’ He thought privately.
~~
Feng Xin looked down at the sub that seemed to be sizing him up as the worker close by asked him if he wanted his “purchase” bound or unbound.
He scoffed a bit, “Unbound and also remove the gag. I have my own materials at home that are much more suited for someone than the cheap shit you have here.”
He noticed the honestly disgusting lack of clothing on the sub, and he gave the worker a sharp look.
“Do you not have any shoes or coats for him? It’s freezing outside."
The worker rolled his eyes, untying and removing the gag from Mu Qing before standing back up to put the materials away.
“Look, dude, I just work here, and you bought him; he’s not our problem anymore,” He paused for a moment, a nasty smirk on his face as he looked down at Mu Qing, “That is, until you eventually bring him back.”
The comment caused Mu Qing to let out a low scoff. This particular worker was always such a snarky ass, and he hated it.
Feng Xin rolled his eyes at the absolute snark of the employee before shrugging his coat off and wrapping it around the submissive. With a gentle tone, he spoke to the other man, “I apologize for this, but it’s snowing outside, and you don’t have any shoes.”
He then scooped up Mu Qing into a bridal-style hold, noting just how light he felt. Mu Qing had initially been startled by the coat that was wrapped around him, his mind spinning in confusion. This dom was…weird, most doms didn’t give a rat's ass if it was cold out or not; they were just typically excited to test out their new plaything. Mu Qing’s expression changed from disinterest to shock at being picked up in such a way, but he didn’t struggle. Feng Xin wasted no time in leaving the frankly obscene establishment, making sure to get his sub settled into a warm car before getting in himself. The feeling of being placed in a warm car was a shock to Mu Qing; the gentle feeling was new. And he didn’t like anything new; it was an unfamiliar territory, and those types of things never ended well for him. He just wasn’t equipped to deal with these things.
He glanced at Feng Xin warily, ‘This is just a pretense, he’ll switch up and show his true deprived colors once we’re in private,’ he decided, guessing that his new dom was the private type.
While they drove to an unknown destination, Mu Qing tucked his legs up underneath him, wanting the heat radiating from the seat warmers to seep into his legs. He turned his head to face the passenger window, not seeing a need to speak if the dom wasn’t going to. The other man had only apologized for picking him up and hadn’t said anything else. Perhaps he was the silent type then. Feng Xin, however, needed to take a minute to gather himself and figure out what he was doing; he had decided this rather abruptly. So, he adjusted the temperature in the car and checked the time. He just didn’t know what to do or to say. This was a new situation for him, and he felt out of his element, but he had to try. His baba had always encouraged him and told him that every submissive needed someone to love them, and he so badly wanted to love someone. And while it certainly wasn’t love right now, he wanted to try for it to become that. If both of them tried, they could truly have a caring relationship. Feng Xin was very by the book, and everything needed to be done right. And he definitely wasn’t going to fuck him until they built up some rapport with each other.
The farther they drove, the nicer the area became. The houses were larger and seemed to move farther apart, the business nearby practically gleamed with new materials and clean signs, and the number of people milling along the streets lessened. It was then, with a late reaction, that Mu Qing realized they were headed to the more expensive side of town. So his dom was the healthy type then. He turned to look at the man, silently driving, and he could admit that he was even nicer to look at up close. The dom had strong arms, a well-shaped face, and shiny hair. The man looked well put together, unlike Mu Qing, who was wearing the skimpiest clothes and had his hair pulled up so tight that it burned his scalp.
Feng Xin finally spoke up as he got closer to his home, “My name is Feng Xin,” He said stiffly, “I own a security firm. When we get to my place, you can shower and change into something warmer. Then, if you’re hungry, we can eat dinner, and then you can rest. I have a separate room prepared for you. If you want it, and then tomorrow we can get you the clothes you need, and then hopefully talk about expectations and make our contract so this is official.”
He felt like he sounded like an idiot, but he made sure, in the meantime, that the heated floors were on at home and that the thermostat was turned up a bit from the app on his phone. He was eager for them to talk and also was curious to see if he could finally hear the other man's voice.
Mu Qing watched the man, Feng Xin, stiffly introduce himself, and he bit back the urge to let out a scoff. There was no way he was waiting until the next day to ‘discuss expectations’, he was sure this dom was going to just skim over his likes and dislikes and immediately demand submission.
“My name is Mu Qing, but that probably matters very little to you, so call me whatever you see fit,” He snarked, looking Feng Xin up and down, “Concerning changing, I have nothing to change into; what you see is what you get. There’s also no point in waiting till tomorrow to discuss anything, just tell me what you expect, and I’ll deliver.”
He shrugged, there was no point in beating around the bush. He had done these introductions and conversations a hundred times, and they always ended the same way. Dom’s always put on this mask of wanting to discuss limits and expectations, and when he gave his limits, they were ignored. With a sigh, he propped his chin on his hand and watched the houses and scenery pass by. He wondered how long it would take before he was once again tied up and dragged onto that auction stage. The last dom hadn't even lasted two months before he had tossed him out, so to Mu Qing, there was no point in hoping.
Feng Xin snorted at the snark and smiled as he pulled into the garage, parking the car before getting out and heading to the passenger side of the car. He opened the door and scooped up Mu Qing and carrying him into the house and carefully setting him down on the heated floors. If this sub was going to always be this sassy, then he was going to have a great time with this. It made him curious what it was that made this sub untamable. This was just a bratty attitude, which was fine; he could handle bratty, he liked brats.
“Well then, it’s nice to meet you, Mu Qing,” He said, leading him around the house and then showing him the bathroom so he could shower, “I am going to leave you some of my clothes to wear. We’re similar heights, but you’re smaller than I am, so they will fit big, but I will make sure the pants have a drawstring so you’re not slipping out. Take a shower, relax, and I’ll order dinner for us. Anything you like or don’t like to eat?”
He was the mom friend amongst his groups, and if he hadn’t had dinner yet, he knew it was likely Mu Qing hadn’t either. Besides, he doesn’t cook, so he usually gets takeout. He would have to go grocery shopping. Mu Qing didn’t answer the question about what he wanted to eat, just silently watching as Feng Xin handed him items for him to use. It was a towel, a comb, a pair of socks, and a change of clothes, and once it was handed over, Feng Xin left Mu Qing to take his shower.
Once the door clicked closed and he knew he was fully alone, he slumped against the edge of the sink. He let out a shuddering breath as he took the moment to collect himself before turning on the shower. With practiced movements he pulled off the skimpy outfit he had on, chucking it into the nearby trash can. He did everything he could to avoid looking at the dark purple bruises on his hips, closing his eyes as he passed the mirror. He had been oh so kindly given those by his previous dom, and they hadn't even faded before he was put up for auction again. He stepped into the warm water and relaxed a bit at the feeling of it pouring over his shoulders as he just breathed, preparing himself silently for whatever came next.
In the meantime, Feng Xin had stepped out and moved to the living room to call his baba; he desperately needed some advice. The sound of the phone being answered relieved some lingering tension, and he smiled as he heard his baba’s voice.
“Hello A-Xin, how did your visit to the auction go?” His baba asked.
Feng Xin ran a hand over his face and took a deep breath, “It went better than I expected. I brought home a sub, one that has been apparently marked as untamable and already seems pretty bratty and defensive.”
His baba hummed a bit, taking a minute before replying, “Sounds like you got someone who needs to be shown the way we taught you. Remember, be mindful, this is a whole other person with feelings and needs just like you. Lashing out now means hurt. Patience is key. Bring him to visit when you can, though. I wish you luck, A-Xin. Call me if you need me.”
Feng Xin gave his baba an affirmative before hanging up. He had a lot to think about, but for now, he’d look over the menus and just try to order them dinner.
It didn’t take Mu Qing long to wash himself and feel refreshed, but he did take some extra time to just soak under the warm water. When he felt as if he had been in there for long enough, he climbed out. Once he had dried off, he reached for the clothes that had been left. A well-worn sweater and a pair of sweats had been left for him, along with a fresh pair of underwear and socks. He pulled the clothing items on quickly so as not to let the cold seep back in. When all of that was done, he combed and braided his hair back before leaving the bathroom. He ended up wandering into the kitchen, curious to see what the big space held. Quietly, he opened the fridge and then some cabinets; there was nothing other than old takeout boxes and microwaveable meals. Mu Qing huffed, turning his nose up at the sight. Did this man seriously not have anything to cook with? Flicking his braid over his shoulder, he headed towards the living room where Feng Xin sat.
"Do you seriously not own anything other than sodium-packed meals or takeout? What's the use of that big kitchen then?" He sassed, plopping down on a chair across from Feng Xin.
Feng Xin had been so focused on finding food that he hadn’t heard Mu Qing first come in, but when he looked up, his breath hitched at the sight of Mu Qing’s braid and the fact that he was in his clothes; the sub was just so beautiful. He stared in awe until he heard the comment about his kitchen and flushed bright red down to his ears as he glanced over at the takeout menus. This was always the biggest thing for his ex, Jian Lan, who hated being the one who cooked all the time, even if he offered to do the dishes. He ducked his head down in an embarrassed manner, but he wasn’t afraid to show his sides like this. He wanted Mu Qing to see him as a person and not just a dom who wanted something from him.
“About that,” he said sheepishly, “My mother is a wealthy woman, and she had staff cooking and cleaning. My father simply raised my sister and me, and I have a cleaning lady who comes in with her son. She doesn’t cook. I don’t know how to cook, and I try, but I always end up overseasoning or underseasoning, and it’s embarrassing. Plus, I lived alone up until now, my last relationship was about three years ago, and I had someone else I liked, but they chose someone else. Anyway, it’s just been me here, so I didn’t think I needed to try for myself. If you know how to cook, you can, but you’re not obligated to cook. But if you do want to cook for us, I will gladly do the dishes and clean up the kitchen. It’s the least I can do, aside from making sure the kitchen is fully stocked with groceries.”
Mu Qing listened to his explanation, an irritated expression on his face. Of course, the dom didn't know how to cook, always the case with those raised in high-class families. He held back the scoff that bubbled in his throat; at least the man had tried. That was more than most could say, and he was willing to clean up as well? Interesting. With a sigh, he leaned back farther into the chair, tucking his legs beneath him.
Feng Xin paused at the sound of Mu Qing’s sigh and glanced back up, seemingly self-conscious about this part of him,“If that’s a deal breaker for you, you can tell me, I understand. It’s not something everyone wants to do all the time.”
He hoped it wasn’t a deal breaker, but he wanted to give the other an out on the cooking. It would be good or know now if they weren’t going to work. But Mu Qing’s expression smoothed out to a calmer one at the self-consciousness that Feng Xin portrayed.
"I don't mind cooking, in fact, as long as I have free range on what to make, I love it." He paused, giving the sheepish man in front of him a once-over, "I don't mind if you want to clean or do dishes afterward, either. In fact, if you wanted to, I could teach you some basic recipes you can recreate on your own."
He decided that something about Feng Xin drew him in, made him less withdrawn. He was just so uncharacteristically earnest, not afraid to admit his own downfalls. In fact, he seems the most human out of any dom he had ever met. It was an interesting thing to learn about this man, but it certainly wasn’t a deal breaker. “And no, it’s not a deal breaker for me. I do enjoy simple things like cooking or even baking.” He assured the dom's insecurity, making him feel bad for some reason. Feng Xin gave Mu Qing a small nod, visibly relaxing at the mention of being able to learn.
“Thank you.” He said simply.
Suddenly, the doorbell rang, letting him know that the food he had ordered had been delivered.
“One moment,” He said, standing up so he could grab their dinner.
Feng Xin thanked the delivery person who handed the food over when he opened the door, immediately shutting the door right after. He headed back into the living room and placed the food on the table. He headed towards the kitchen to grab some disposable plates from the kitchen and came back to distribute food onto each plate before handing one to Mu Qing. He gave the sub something to drink before serving himself food. It was a habit that had been instilled in him by his mother; she had always taught him that the subs' needs came first before his own. Mu Qing watched silently as he was served food, and an odd feeling settled low in his chest at the sight of being given food before Feng Xin got his own.
“Ah, thank you.” He said, looking at the food and then looking back at Feng Xin, “You wanted to discuss some things, right?” He inquired, not wanting to wait till the next day to talk about these things.
Feng Xin nodded, settling himself back into his chair, “Yes, okay, I would like for this to be a relationship between us. Perhaps one day we will grow to love one another. I know it’s a shot in the dark, but I want to try. Do you understand the concept of checking in and safewording? I need to know. I don’t want to hurt you when you’re not consenting. My biggest kink is seeing my partner come undone and climax. I know I’ve done my job. I want us to enjoy one another. I need to know what you like, and if you don’t know, I want to explore. I like controlling clothing, but I don’t want you naked. I will buy you clothes, I will buy you lingerie you wear for me if you want that. If you like being roughhoused, I will do that. It means punishment is different. You will have no impact play as punishment. It will be different if you like bondage; I will gladly tie you down to the bed. I like to edge and tease and give oral as well as receive. This is about both of us. I will be satisfied making sure you’re satisfied.”
He paused, giving him time for all of the information he had given to sink in.
Mu Qing listened to Feng Xin talk as he dug into his food, his body craving nutrients after a really long day. He couldn’t remember if he had eaten today, so he was taking his time to enjoy his food. He arched an eyebrow at the mention of a relationship, not really knowing how to feel about that. He took in Feng Xin’s preferences, making sure to file them away for later. After all, it was important for a submissive to remember their dominant’s likes. He placed his chopsticks down on his plate as he focused on their conversation.
“Mm, yeah, I understand what they mean,” He said, trying not to scoff at his Dom. He never understood why doms always brought up the topic of safewording but never explained further than that,“I don’t mind you choosing my clothing or lingerie for me. I do enjoy being roughhoused, but I have no interest in being cut open or bleeding.”
He paused for a moment, fiddling with his fingers.
“No, hitting me enough for it to bruise or break skin. I don't want to be choked; it hurts, and I hate it. Anything else you want to try, I will be open to trying.” He eventually said, not knowing if he covered all the bases. But when he tried to think of any more, none came.
Feng Xin nodded, feeling well with the safewords. He didn’t elaborate, something he would learn to regret later. But right now, he was glad the other had almost finished his food on his plate. He had served him a lot because he was sure the other hadn’t eaten. He powered up one of his tablets, knowing he would share it with him.
“I can agree to not cutting for making you bleed. I also don’t like that. I don’t like violent acts of breaking skin and bruising; I think that is horrible. I do not like breath play either; that is too dangerous for me. We can explore and learn together. I’m very open to that,” He said, horrified at the idea of someone trying to cut this man open and intentionally making him bleed.
If he met these other doms, he was going to punch them in the face. Probably choke the ones that tried to choke out Mu Qing. How dare they? However, Mu Qing wished he could believe Feng Xin's words about not harming him or bruising him. But he had learned early on that those promises were meant to placate him so he'd behave. The bruises in the shape of fingerprints that wrapped around his hips proved his point. He bit back a shudder at the thought of them; they were ugly and so incredibly disgusting. To think some man had marked him in such a way with his hands, it was vile.
Feng Xin took a deep breath, which startled Mu Qing out of his thoughts, and continued, “I also don’t like using boring titles to call each other when we’re being intimate. I have a few ideas of what I would like to call you. But you can come up with something to call me, too. I won’t fight it unless it’s very derogatory.”
He looked back at Feng Xin, intrigued by the term 'boring titles'.
"Then what names do you want to call me? I also don't have any of my own to call you, so you can tell me what you want me to call you. It's up to your discretion." He dismissively said, picking up his chopsticks to finish his meal.
He watched the man with sharp eyes, still trying to understand just what this Dom was like.
“I would like to call you Ma Belle Chérie or Belle Chérie for short, if that is okay with you. I don’t like using derogatory words in play,” Feng Xin explained,“Once we start playing and getting to know one another, if anything comes to mind for you to call me, go with it, and we can try it out. I want you to trust yourself and go with what feels right to call me, and I don’t want to influence you."
Jian Lan liked being called a whore or a bitch, and it made him wince every time. Xie Lian liked to call him Teddy Bear. It was cute, and it took him out of it a few times, but he got used to it.
Mu Qing scrunched his nose up, confusion fluttering across his face. The nickname wasn't one in their own language, and the syllables sounded odd. He silently sounded out the words, trying to understand what they meant. He just couldn't figure it out, and it frustrated him. He hadn't had practically any education and had taught himself pretty much all of what he knew. His mother had taught him the basics of reading and writing, but with her sickness consuming her, the lessons didn't continue.
"What is that name? What is it supposed to mean?" He asked, eyes finally meeting Feng Xin's, "What language is that? It's not Mandarin."
But before he gave Feng Xin the chance to answer the question, he followed his questions up with, "I'm sorry to tell you, but I don't give nicknames. I can call you by your name, or something more dominant, like. I have used Master, Sir, Boss, and other similar ones. These types of relationships don't last long after all, what is the purpose of a nickname?"
He flipped his braid back over his shoulder when it almost slipped onto his plate.
“I understand, just go with what feels right,” Feng Xin said, chuckling at the sass again, “I know you don’t believe me, and you don’t have to. But in every relationship I’ve been in, I’m not the one who abandons a sub. I’m the one who gets left. I play with the intention of never letting go. So I personally hope I can get the rest of our lives out of this. You’re so cute when you’re being sassy. You remind me of a cat, and it’s cute.”
He began to clean up the mess from the take-out. He did know how to keep a place tidy. It also gave him time before he had to answer the question. But he couldn’t avoid it altogether.
“It’s not Mandarin. It’s French, and it means the first one means my beautiful dear, and the second one means beautiful dear. I saw you walk out from your shower, and I thought it fit. If you ever want to learn or have a private tutor, I can hire one for you. Or if you want one of my cards to go shopping, ask me.”
Mu Qing stared at Feng Xin with wide eyes, not expecting that this dom of all people would be abandoned. His heart squeezed for a moment, the realization that they may be more alike than he thought. He didn’t say anything about the comment, but he did scoff at the comment that he was like a cat; he was not cute, thank you. However, learning the translation of the nickname made him flush a bit.
“That’s uhm…a really sweet nickname…uh, thank you.” He stuttered out, not used to receiving compliments from people.
He had been called all kinds of names, ranging from pet to slut, anything that had degraded him, but never beautiful. It left him shocked that this man found him beautiful. In the midst of his spiral, Feng Xin had handed him a tablet with a grocery delivery app pulled up on it. He found Mu Qing so adorable as he stuttered out his thanks.
“This is for groceries, pick what you want and put it in the cart, and I will finish the transaction when you’re done. They will most likely be delivered tomorrow, and then we will go buy you some clothes. I’m working from home this week to help you assimilate,” He explained.
Mu Qing liked the idea of going shopping, but he knew he’d never bring himself to ask for Feng Xin’s card, so he focused on ordering groceries.
“What kind of dishes do you like? More savory, sweet, or spicy? Do you have any dietary restrictions or food allergies?” He asked, fingers moving over the tablet as he added ingredients. Vegetables, fruits, spices, snacks, and more were added to the cart. He was going to make sure they both ate properly, no more daily takeout, “Any likes or dislikes? The more I know, the better I can curate what kind of dishes to make.” He asked, not looking up as he debated between a few different brands for things. Feng Xin focused on the growing list, “I’m not allergic to anything, and I don’t have dietary restrictions. I like chicken, beef, and pork, but not really crazy about seafood. I just don’t really like the smell.”
Mu Qing nodded and finalized the list before handing the tablet to Feng Xin for him to look over everything before purchasing it. Feng Xin took the tablet, added his typical drinks, and then purchased the cart. He arranged the delivery and put the tablet back down on the coffee table. Mu Qing felt hesitant excitement build in his chest as he watched the delivery be confirmed. He was going to get the chance to have free rein to cook and create dishes, something he loved to do but never got permission to.
Feng Xin then stood up, ready to give Mu Qing a tour of his room and let the sub get ready for bed.
“I’ll show you the space I mentioned I had set up for you,” He said.
Mu Qing stood up and followed Feng Xin down the hall. The house was quite big as they walked around, but weirdly enough, it was quite cozy compared to the cold, empty houses he had been in before. When they reached the bedroom door, Feng Xin pushed it open and showed him the space.
“This is your room, you’re open to use it,” He began, then pointing at the room across from the current one they were in, “this one is mine, you can always sleep alone or join me. Whichever you want, and no pressure to choose one or another.”
Mu Qing felt his forehead crease as he was presented with the options. He had the choice of where to sleep, which was shocking. He debated both rooms, his face twisting a bit. Having his own space was nice in theory, but he hadn’t slept alone in years. If it wasn’t sharing a bed with a dom, he had been curled up with the other subs in the auction to sleep. And in the past, when his mother had been alive, he had always slept by her side as well. Mu Qing fidgeted for a moment, eyes darting between the two rooms. He put on the most convincing grin possible and pointed towards the room that was offered to him.
“Guess I’ll sleep here then.” He said, staring at Feng Xin, a sudden rush of anxiety filled him.
Without thinking it through first, he wrapped his arms around himself and gave Feng Xin a sharp grin.
“What don’t you want to test out your new merchandise first?” He asked, referring to himself.
Immediately after the words slipped out of his mouth, he mentally slapped himself for getting defensive after the kind way he had been treated. But it was too late to take it back now. Feng Xin took a deep breath at the comment, not responding to the snark. He was patient and had been patient. Regardless of his typical short fuse, he could be patient with his sub's needs. Plus, he also knew the snarky remarks came from somewhere, especially Mu Qing calling himself merchandise instead of a person. It bothered Feng Xin, and it made his blood boil, but it wasn’t the submissive’s fault. He was told this or shown this time and time again, so he knew it would take time, but he was determined to help Mu Qing.
“While I am curious,” Feng Xin admitted, “I’m sure your last Dom left marks, or you’re hurting, and then the auction house wasted no time putting you on the market. I want you to heal before we go that far. If you want to join me, I will only give platonic cuddling and affection. That’s all I am comfortable with for right now.”
He didn’t mention that he had already seen some bruising peeking out of Mu Qing’s clothes earlier. They did look like they really hurt. Though he did want to admit that he did find the submissive attractive, because he had eyes and the man was beautiful. Clearly, that wasn’t the issue. Mu Qing had been feeling bad for his outburst until Feng Xin began to talk, and now he didn’t. Who gave a crap if he was bruised and aching? His entire life purpose was to be used for pleasure, to be a ‘good’ sub for a dom. He sneered, crossing his arms tighter around himself to ground him.
“Doms don’t do cuddling or anything along those lines. Since when have you lot cared about whether subs like me were bruised or not? The auction house always just throws us on the market; they want to sell us and be done with us. They couldn't care less about the quality of the merchandise, just that it sells.” He sniped, mouth twisted into a nasty sneer.
Sure, this dom had been nice to him, let him order groceries and fed and bathed him, but Mu Qing couldn’t get comfortable. He couldn’t let himself slip up because the moment he felt joy, it would be snatched from him.
He laughed, sharp and pained at Feng Xin, "You're not the first to promise safety or affection. But I know how you work, you placate me, get me to drop my guard, and then use and discard me. You'll get sick of me and dump me right back off at that auction house."
He was tired of everything. Maybe he truly wanted to be gently held and cuddled, but he couldn't trust anyone since his mother to treated him that way.
Even an angry Mu Qing looked beautiful. Feng Xin wanted to bristle and get angry; he felt his hackles rise at the comments, but he listened to the words, and he simmered himself back down. Feng Xin adored cuddling; it was more intimate to him than the act of sex and all the kinks people had. To be told his designation didn’t do cuddling or anything like that. He felt his insecurities bubbling to the surface, of him not being Dom enough because he was too soft or too gentle. Even Xie Lian had said he needed more than what Feng Xin had offered. Was he not enough? Was he supposed to be a verse? Was his designation wrong? Were his parents wrong in raising him?
For a brief second, his anger flashed across his expression, and his golden eyes were alight with anger. Then the image of his Baba crossed his mind. His kind and sweet Baba and remembered his story. His simmer went down lower. This wasn’t about him, he reminded himself; this wasn’t about him. This was about making sure Mu Qing was comfortable. And doing that meant he had to work harder than most because he had some shitty ass predecessors that he would love to beat up if he could. He would have to ask Hua Cheng for a favor to make that possible, and he didn’t like that idea yet. Considering he was the Dom Xie Lian left him for.
“I understand,” he said instead, his voice so even it surprised even him, “I’m sorry you have had shitty Doms, and if given the chance, I would gladly give them the taste of their own medicine to see how much they like it. I told you, I don’t want to return you, I want to build a life with you. I’m not afraid to work hard to help you understand that. Starting with this, if you need anything, I’ll be in my room, and you can stay in this room, and tomorrow we can help decorate it to how you see fit. If you need anything, my room is open both literally and figuratively. Good night.”
With that, he turned and went to his room, and true to his word, he left the door open.
Mu Qing watched the anger light up in Feng Xin's eyes, prepared for where this was going. However, when the man in front of him did nothing of the sort, it left him reeling. The anger and rough touches he had been expecting didn't happen at all. He listened to Feng Xin talk with bewilderment, his mouth screwed shut. And when the Dom just walked away? He didn't know what to do. For a while, he just stood in the hall, his thoughts racing around his head.
"Okay.." He muttered to himself, Feng Xin long gone to his own room.
Finally, he headed towards the room that had been offered to him. He silently slipped the door closed as he took in the modest but large room. It had the basics: a bed, desk, wardrobe, and even a sleek TV that was mounted to the wall. Mu Qing took in the room, nerves eating at him. He hadn't been offered his own space before, a place just for him. Slowly, he climbed into the bed, curling up as tight as he could.
Why did he feel even worse now? What was he supposed to do? He didn't have any of the answers he so badly craved. He missed his mom, wanting nothing more than for her to answer the questions he had. She always knew what to say, and a small part of him knew she would've loved Feng Xin. She had always wanted the best for him, and she would've been so heartbroken to learn just how many Doms he had been sold to. Pressing his hands over his eyes, his breath shuddering, he started to cry. It wasn't a loud sob, but he could hear the hitched sound of his own voice nonetheless.
He hated crying; it made him feel weak and small. But so much had happened in the last week and so quickly that he hadn't had time to just release all the pent-up feelings. And the face Feng Xin had given him had made it worse. He was no better than the ones who hurt him, was he? He always lashed out and made enemies. The more he cried into his hands, the more he wished his mom were here to hold him and sing her lullaby to him. He knew she’d tell him to apologize and try to make up, and deep down, he knew that was what he needed to do. But he’d wait until tomorrow, not knowing if he could face Feng Xin right now. Eventually, he fell asleep, with tear tracks on his face as the day caught up to him, hoping tomorrow would be better.
Feng Xin was a mess; he was inwardly panicking and wondering if he was right to walk away. What else could he do? He couldn’t fight Mu Qing. The other man was dependent on him, and he couldn’t just overpower him. It wouldn’t be right. He lay there for a while, trying to figure out what he needed to do. He wondered if he should get back up and go to Mu Qing and find a way to make things better, but maybe it was for the best for them to just have some time for themselves. He sighed, scrunching his eyes closed and just curled up in his own bed.
Tomorrow would be better; he’d get up and try to patch things up. He just had to continue to be patient and give Mu Qing grace. Finally, he fell asleep, hope warming his chest.