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Steve drove up to Hopper’s cabin. It had been a month after El’s death, and it was still hitting everyone really hard. Dustin was telling Steve how their party kept trying to do fun things like usual, but it always led to reminiscing about El.
Steve was someone who didn’t have many interactions with El, but he still loved her like a sister. But the reason he was here at the Hopper’s cabin was for someone who was basically El’s brother, Jonathan Byers.
If you’d asked Steve right after it happened, he’d tell you he would be the last person who could help Jonathan through this tough time. Despite reconciling, he was still not someone as close to Jonathan as Nancy. But that changed last week when Nancy called Steve and asked him to look after Jonathan for a day, as she had to be there for Mike and couldn’t spend the day with Jonathan.
Last Week:
“I get that, Nance, but am I really the one to ask for this?” Steve questioned. “I mean, wouldn’t Robin be better?”
“Robin and Jonathan are still trying to be closer friends, and despite everything, you two have a bond between each other,” Nancy said reassuringly.
Steve sighed. That did make some sense. “But would he wanna see me?”
“I just think he needs someone right now. Please, it would mean a lot to me, and I know it would to him.” Nancy pleaded.
“Fine. I’ll try,” Steve relented. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to help Jonathan through this; it was just he didn’t really know what he’d say, and after he kinda fucked up with helping Dustin through Eddie’s death, he wasn’t too sure if he’d be good at this.
Soon after, Steve got in the car and drove to the Hopper’s cabin, where the Byers also stayed. Joyce and Hopper were already told by Nancy about Steve coming, so once he was let in, he went to Jonathan’s room.
“Here goes nothing.” He muttered to himself and knocked. “Hey, Jonathan, it’s me, Steve! Can you let me in?” He asked as he banged on the door.
After a minute of silence, Steve exhaled and almost knocked again when a small voice responded.
“What do you want, Steve?” Steve could tell Jonathan’s voice was tired.
“I just want to talk. Can you let me in, please?” He asked again.
After another two minutes, the door creaked open with Jonathan now in front of Steve. Jonathan had red eyes and had clearly not gotten much sleep.
“You can come in. Sorry for the mess.” Jonathan said, moving aside to let the other man in. Jonathan wasn’t kidding; the room looked like a tornado had swept through it.
“Thanks, man,” Steve said and stepped into the room. He decided to lie on a clean spot on the floor and watched as Jonathan just sat on his mattress.
“So, what did you wanna talk about?” Jonathan asked as he was just staring off into space.
“Uh…I wanted to ask how you’re doing with…everything.” Steve didn’t know how to start a conversation with such a tense subject.
Jonathan chuckled, “How am I doing? Heh, terrible. I know I look like a mess, you don’t have to pretend I don’t.”
Steve was thinking Jonathan was not looking his best, but that didn’t seem like the right thing to say at the moment, “It’s okay, man. I can’t even imagine what you’re going through, it must-”
“What I’m going through? How can I even think about myself…I let El die, Steve. I was supposed to be her protector, and I failed her. She was supposed to be here. Mike and Will cry all the time now that she’s gone. I can’t even look them in the eyes.” Steve’s words opened the floodgates in Jonathan’s heart. As he was speaking, Steve could tell he was tearing up.
Steve didn’t know what to say, so instead of talking, he got up and sat next to Jonathan. Nancy said he’d be a good shoulder to cry on, so he put an arm around Jonathan and held him close.
The change in proximity shocked Jonathan, but before he could say anything, Steve just said, “Look, I don’t think anything I could say would be enough, so please just let it out. I’ll be here for you.”
Jonathan didn’t know what to say, so he just listened to Steve and cried and spoke his feelings to Steve as Steve just listened and rubbed his back. After half an hour, Jonathan calmed down. Jonathan and Steve then realized what type of situation they were in and scooted to opposite sides of the mattress.
Steve coughs awkwardly and speaks up, “You good?” He turns his head, and Jonathan gives a slight nod.
Steve wanted to pry into what Jonathan was thinking, but didn’t have one question to start it off. “Uh…have you talked about this with anyone else? Hopper or Nancy would totally help you out.”
Jonathan gives a sad smirk, “How can I go to them? Hopper lost his daughter, and Nancy already has to help Mike. I shouldn’t be overwhelming them.”
Steve sighed, “Well, that’s a bad reason. They love you and are gonna worry about you anyway. You can’t let that shit build up inside you, Byers.” Steve kinda came off like a douche, but Jonathan needed to be told that what he’s doing isn’t healthy.
Jonathan looked at Steve, annoyed, “Well, what do you suppose I do, asshole? I can’t change how I feel about this overnight.”
Steve thought about it for a second. Then he thought of an idea. “How about I come over every day?” Jonathan looked at him with his jaw wide open.
“Why the Hell would you do that?” Jonathan had no idea what Steve was thinking with that suggestion.
“Well, if you aren’t gonna talk to people you like, maybe you’ll listen to a person you don’t like,” Steve said with a shit-eating grin.
Jonathan rolled his eyes, but before he could complain, Steve continued. “Yeah, that’s what I’m gonna do. I’ll see you tomorrow, Byers.” Steve made his way to the door, making sure to lightly tap Jonathan on the face as a goodbye.
“Wait Ste-.” Steve had already left. Jonathan sighed and fell back on his bed. He was very annoyed; he didn’t need Steve Harrington coming into his room every day.
But that’s what happened. The next 6 days, Steve came by without fail and hung out with Jonathan. This included listening to Jonathan with his problems, forcing Jonathan to clean up his room, and making Jonathan get some sleep.
It was the most annoying 6 days of Jonathan’s life, but in some sort of strange way, he felt better. Steve genuinely listened to him, and Steve’s antics did get his mind out of a dark place.
Back to Present
Steve reflected on the past week and smiled. Jonathan was fun to be around, and these get-togethers were something he had looked forward to. He got out of the car and knocked on the door. Joyce answered, “Oh, hi Steve, are you here for Jonathan?” She said with a faint smile.
Steve nodded his head, Joyce let him in, and Steve went to Jonathan’s room. “Jonathan!” Steve exclaimed as he knocked on the door.
A few moments later, the door creaked open. When Steve looked at Jonathan, he could tell the shorter man was crying earlier. “Hey, Steve, come in.”
“Oh, hey man, are you okay?” Steve said, concerned. Jonathan hadn’t greeted him with red eyes since the first two days of their meetings.
“I’m okay, I just… never mind,” Jonathan said. Steve noticed a blush. Clearly, Byers was embarrassed.
“Like Hell you are, just tell me, you know I’m not gonna make fun of you.” Steve tried to reassure Jonathan.
“Fine, I had a nightmare. I was seeing El, and she was looking straight at me. She told me how much she wanted to live and why I couldn’t protect her, and then Will and Mike showed up, and they started to cry and yell at me, and-” Jonathan was starting to get too worked up, so Steve quickly started to sit Jonathan down and rub his back.
“Hey, calm down, Byers. You're gonna have a panic attack, ok?” Steve said as he looked at Jonathan.
Jonathan controlled his breathing, and then all of a sudden he cried. Steve put his hand on Jonathan’s head and led him to his shoulder. He continued to cry as Steve rubbed his head.
Once Jonathan calmed down, he moved off Steve’s shoulder. “Thanks,” Jonathan said
“No problem. I’ve been told my shoulders are good to cry on.” Steve said with a smirk.
Jonathan chuckled at that, and Steve saw the smirk left behind. It was nice seeing Jonathan smile. Steve thought he looked good.
“You really need to open up to some others about this, though. I can’t be the only one you talk to.” Steve reasoned with.
This removed the smile on Jonathan’s face. “Steve, I don’t wanna go over this again.”
“But you need to! Nancy, Hopper, and Joyce would all listen. They want to help you, too, dude.” Steve stood up as he tried to make Jonathan listen to him.
“I just don’t know how Steve, it isn’t as easy as just saying it. I don’t even know how to talk to them about this.” Jonathan said as his voice started to break down
“I understand that it’s hard. But I also know it’s not good to leave it all in and wait for it to explode.” Steve sternly said to Jonathan.
Jonathan hated that Steve was lecturing him on this. He stood up. “Why do you even care? What do my feelings have to do with you?”
Steve grabbed Jonathan’s shirt collar and pulled Jonathan close. “I’m not gonna let down another one of my friends when they need me!” He exclaimed.
Jonathan was bewildered. Steve regained his composure and let go of Jonathan’s shirt. “I-I’m sorry, man I just-” Steve didn’t finish and just sat down on the mattress.
Jonathan stood still for a couple more moments and then turned to Steve. “Are you okay?”
Steve just nodded his head. Jonathan wasn’t buying it. “Come on, Steve, you tell me to open up, and now you won’t.” That hit Steve hard. He didn’t have any reason not to say anything now.
“Fine, it’s just I always think about how I fucked up with Dustin after Eddie died. He needed me, and I just…didn’t know how to help. He was hurting, Jonathan, and I didn’t help him through it.” Steve started tearing up, explaining himself.
Jonathan understood Steve’s pain. Whether it was not being there to help his brother deal with his feelings for Mike Wheeler or not helping El realize that sacrifice wasn’t the only way in her last moments.
He sat down next to Steve and, like Steve did, put his hand on Steve’s head and pulled him into his shoulder.
Steve was confused. With tears in his eyes, he asked, “What are you doing?”
Jonathan tried to act cool, “Hey, you did the same for me.” Internally, Jonathan was freaking out. He didn’t know if this was too weird or forward. However, Steve allowed it and continued to cry for a few more minutes.
After that, Jonathan and Steve just sat in silence. Either not knowing what to do. Jonathan was the first to speak up.
“I-I don’t know if I’m the one who can say this, but I think you can forgive yourself for that. What happened with Dustin…he knows you care, and you eventually did help him through it.” More silence. “And if it means anything, you’ve helped me.”
Jonathan was fidgeting with his hands. “So t-thank you, Steve.”
Steve blushed at that. Those words filled him with a warm feeling. “Thank you, Jonathan. I really appreciate it.”
Jonathan blushed now, and then the awkward silence came back.
“Look, I don’t know if I’m ready yet, but maybe…if you, I don’t know, were there when I talked to the others, it’d calm me down,” Jonathan said.
“Really, are you sure? I mean, you want someone you don’t like to be there for that kind of intimate moment?” Steve asked
“I-I don’t know if I feel that way anymore.” Jonathan responded, embarrassed.
Steve went wide-eyed but hid it behind a smirk. “Aw, that’s sweet, Byers. I knew extended exposure would break those barriers.” Steve nudged Jonathan.
“Shut up.” Jonathan rolled his eyes. And put his hands on the mattress, just then he felt a warm presence envelop one of his hands.
He looked down and saw Steve holding it and squeezing it tightly. He looked up at Steve.
“Of course, Byers, just call, and I’ll be right over. Besides, when you ask so nicely, how could I refuse?” Steve said with a big smile on his face.
In that moment, with Steve’s hand holding his and Steve just looking at him, Jonathan thought maybe he could start to handle the grief and regret in his heart.