Work Text:
Hey, Ani
She was sitting on the edge of Leia's desk again, brown eyes staring, unblinking. Leia ignored her, knowing there was no way to get her to leave, no matter what she said. She couldn't have her forcibly removed, she wasn't even really there. No one that came in could see her, no one could see the dead girl that insisted on invading Leia's life.
/You don't have to think about me like that, you know. I have feelings.
I'm sorry, Leia thought. The girl didn't say anything. She continued to read through the report Dameron had brought in. He was one of the few remaining members of the Resistance that had chosen to stay when the First Order was overthrown by an Emperor and his Knight, transformed into an Empire that was powerful and expanding. They had so little fighters left. Sometimes she felt like giving up, but knew she could never live with herself if she allowed the Darkness to win while she was still breathing.
/Why do you hate us so much? We're doing good for the galaxy. The Emperor and the Knight aren't bad people. Aren't I proof of that?
"You're proof of the contrary, a child soldier."
That was the wrong thing to say, especially out loud, and Leia regretted it, regretted speaking to her at all. The girl shot up, rage overtaking her features, and Leia knew she was about to jump into the spiel she'd heard so many times.
/I was on a diplomatic mission! We were going to make peace with a planet! One that needed the resources we could provide! I was going to make peace and you slaughtered me! Killed me, an unarmed child, for doing something good, out of a warped sense of judgement that just because my Father is different, everything we are is evil! That was our first real mission! My first mission! NOW I'M DEAD!
She screamed that last part, losing her temper like the Knight who had sired her, then clenched her fist at her side, nails digging into her palm just like the Emperor who had borne her. Her other hand stayed open as always, three fingers twitching. Leia looked at the bloody bandages covering the spot where her thumb and index finger, and a good chunk of her palm, had once been. She averted her gaze before she could look at the other injuries. A holed but bandaged torso, in a shredded and bloody uniform, a stitched on foot that would have eventually been amputated if the surgery for the rest hadn't failed. Eyes that never stopped showing the horror of someone dying, no matter what expression crossed her face. Familiar features marred by blood and two perpendicular slices on the cheek, frozen in time.
A soldier that didn't know battle, a girl with a family that wanted her back, a ghost that blamed her for a death it didn't understand.
/I'm a good person, how could you kill me? I would have helped that world if I completed my mission, gone home with my siblings. My other siblings would have smiled, seeing me, asking how it went. 'Hey, Ani,' they'd say. We would have been happy. Our parents would be happy. Your son wouldn't hate you for taking me away from them. But none of that happened. Why?
A child who wanted to know answers that Leia couldn't give.
/Why won't you answer me?
Why was she stuck with a ghost to haunt her every waking moment? Hadn't she suffered enough? She did not want this ever lasting reminder of her failures to shadow her for the rest of her days. Leia silently cursed the force. If only it hadn't chosen her family to bear its problems, she could be happy. With a living husband and a happy son. Then this vengeful and despairing child wouldn't exist.
/Why do you hate me?
/What did I do wrong?
/You barely talk to me.
/Why do you ignore me?
/Answer me.
/I want my parents.
/Please.
/Are you going to ignore me forever?
/...are you?
Yes.