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“Hey Peridot, there’s someone we want you to meet!” Steven and Amethyst gave Peridot the biggest grins she’d ever seen in her life.
………………………….
Peridot stared at herself in the mirror, it was dusty and cracked but it still served its purpose. She kept in on her side of the barn, far away from Lapis. Lapis still had a thing about mirrors.
Peridot was recalling the earlier events of that day, when she’d been introduced to Steven and Amythest’s fusion, Smokey Quartz. The green gem wasn’t sure why, but she’d felt a strange feeling in her chest, almost as if something had broken. She knew she should have felt happy for the pair, after all, they were here friends, and fusion was a big deal for the Crystal Gems, for some reason, so she could only imagine how happy the two of them made each other.
She sighed, and her reflection sighed back at her. She so badly wanted to make Steven happy, and impress Amethyst and the other crystal gems. After all, she was great! She had metal powers, and was smart, and funny, and she was a Peridot! She should have been perfect, but she knew she ought to stop kidding herself. She was faulty, useless, and without being able to fuse with any of the crystal gems, how could she ever prove herself to them?
“Peridot…? Are you in here?” a quiet voice spoke from the door of the barn.
“Lapis! H-hey!” Peridot rushed over, giving the blue gem a shaky smile.
“Hey.” Lapis walked past her, heading for her favourite seat to watch Camp Pining Hearts.
Peridot scrambled after her, clambering onto the couch besides her. “You wanna watch Camp Pining Hearts?” she grinned, eyes widening in excitement.
“Sure.” Lapis shrugged, staring at the blank television screen, emotionless.
“Okay!” Peridot said, standing to go and retrieve the cassette tape. She stopped suddenly though and looked to Lapis with a curious expression, sitting back down carefully on the opposite side of the couch. Lapis turned to her, raising an eyebrow.
“Uhm…Lapis. Can I ask you something?” Peridot said quietly, looking down towards the ground.
“What?” Lapis said, looking somewhat annoyed at the current lack of Camp Pining Hearts being played.
“What’s it like…to fuse with somebody?”
Lapis’ eyes widened, and she clenched her fists, looking away angrily. “I’ve only ever fused once, you know that. And it was terrible! It was like being imprisoned with my worst nightmare, my biggest enemy. It was crowded and empty at the same time. Deathly silent and yet so, so loud. I just wanted to die.” Lapis choked back a sob, tears forming in her sky-blue eyes.
“Lapis! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean like that! I just..I want to fuse so badly, but, y’know, good-fuse! Like how Amethyst and Steven do! Or the tall one, Garnet, who’s made of those tiny red and blue gems. I don’t really understand it but I want to understand it! I just wish I wasn’t so useless!” Peridot cried, jumping up from the couch, fists clenched.
“Peridot, you’re not useless. You’re you. Fusion doesn’t always make you stronger, it can make you weak, and desperate, and it makes you do crazy things and hurt people in the evillest ways you could imagine. I wish I’d never fused at all!”
“At least you can fuse!” Peridot cried, face dangerously close to Lapis. Lapis made a noise of surprise, and took a step backwards.
“Are you saying..you can’t fuse?” Lapis frowned. “But that’s ridiculous! All gems can fuse!”
Peridot shook her head. “Not me. Even Steven can fuse, and he’s not even one hundred percent gem! If that doesn’t show how much of a failure I am to our kind, then I don’t know what does.” She kicked the ground angrily.
“Peridot, come here.” Lapis said softly, putting her hand out for Peridot to take.
Peridot looked at Lapis’ hand, and gingerly put her own hand on top. “What are we doing?” Peridot asked, looking nervously at the taller gem.
“I’m going to show you that you can fuse. Just watch me.” Lapis took a step back, arms outstretched, and gave Peridot a look that said “trust me”.
The pair danced together in the barn, admittedly rather badly due to Peridot’s lack of practice, but finally they made it to some sort of rhythm, and they didn’t need music, the experience was music enough, which was weird because Steven had always told Peridot that you couldn’t dance without music.
Lapis span Peridot round and brought her almost to the floor, leaning in close, lips nearly touching. She closed her eyes, waiting for them to turn to light and fuse together in a way only gems could. Her body tingled in a mixture of anxiety and nerves, she wanted to fuse with Peridot, but memories of Jasper creeped menacingly in the back of her mind always, threating to leap out and attack her at any time.
“Uhm….Lapis?” Peridot’s voice broke the burning silence. Lapis opened her eyes, blinking quickly.
“Oh.” She said. “We didn’t fuse.”
Peridot’s face fell, and her eyes glistened with tears. “See! I told you!” she sobbed, tears falling down her face. “I told you I told you I told you!” her face was wet with tears, her voice ugly and cracking as she tried in vain to control her pathetic emotions. “I’m useless! What’s the use in me even existing if I can’t even---“
Lapis stopped the stream of words coming from Peridot’s mouth with a kiss. She pulled away after a moment, cheeks burning blue. “You don’t have to be able to fuse in order to be worth anything. Jasper can fuse and she’s worth nothing.”
Peridot sniffed, and attempted to rub her eyes with the back of her arm. Lapis gave her a soft smile and wiped away the tears herself.
“True fusion is when two people trust each other, and care about each other, and love each other. We can do all that, but we don't have to make somebody new at the end of it. We can keep being ourselves.” Lapis lifted Peridot’s chin so she was looking into her eyes.
“You…you really think so?” Peridot asked quietly, closing her eyes and allowing Lapis to pull her close. She smelt like the ocean, and like Beach City, and like Steven, and most of all she smelt like home. Not Homeworld, her new home. Here.
“Plus,” Lapis said, pulling away with a smile. “I wouldn’t be able to see that dumb dorky smile of yours if we fused. I uhm, I like looking at you. You’re meepmorp.”
“You mean, art?” Peridot laughed, blushing.
“Yeah. Music for the eyes.” Lapis smirked, taking Peridot’s hand. “Now c’mon, lets go watch Camp Pining Hearts.”
“Can we do the mouth thing some more?” Peridot asked hopefully.
Lapis giggled. “You mean kissing? Maybe.” She smiled mischievously. “But first, Camp Pining Hearts. I want to see if Percy ever ends up with Pierre.”