Chapter Text
It’s been a few days since Izuku and Katsuki started to officially date, but it feels like just yesterday that it started, in all honesty, Izuku was very surprised when Katsuki asked him out, especially since it all just happened so fast, one moment Katsuki was pining Izuku against the wall, after badly beating him, and the next, he was exploding Izuku’s mouth with his tongue.
It felt weird and wrong to Izuku, he didn’t understand at the moment what was going on, but when Katsuki asked him out, Izuku had paused for a moment, terrified and confused, before eventually saying yes, though he said it mostly of fear, he didn’t want to risk angering Katsuki.
Not only that but Katsuki has always been Izuku’s best friend, even though Katsuki has been mean to Izuku even since they were just four years old, Izuku thought that maybe Katsuki was changing,
Izuku knows that he was stupid to think this, especially considering what happened just moments before Katsuki asked him out, but Izuku was just so desperate to be friends with Katsuki again, and he was so scared of how Katsuki would react if he said no, the he just knew he had to accept.
Izuku also knows that no matter what he can’t break up with Katsuki, because he knows that if he does, the bullying will be worse then ever before, and Izuku knows that he can’t handle it getting any worse.
It’s not all bad though, sometimes Katsuki helps Izuku calm down when he has meltdowns from overstimulation now, before they started dating he would just laugh, though he often hurts him just as he starts to calm down, but even that is better then what things were like before.
Even though Katsuki is still so mean to Izuku, and hurts him so much, sometimes he’s nice now, like he helps Izuku throw out his food, and encourages his weight loss, even though Izuku is 166cm and only 33kg, Katsuki makes sure that Izuku knows that he can always lose more, and Izuku likes this, or not exactly likes it, but he likes being able to talk about his fasting, and his restricting.
Today is Monday, and Izuku doesn’t really want to go to school, but he knows the he doesn’t really have much of a choice.
He forces himself to get out of bed, and get dressed in his school uniform, gosh, he’s fucking exhausted, both mentally, emotionally and physically, but he knows that that doesn’t matter, he’s already missing so much school that he’s at risk of needing to retake the year.
He skips breakfast like he normally does, telling his mom that he will just get it on the walk to school, it’s a lie, and he knows that it is, but he hopes that his mom won’t be able to tell that he’s lying.
When he gets to school, he goes to his shoe cubby and changes from his comfortable favourite shoes, into the uncomfortable school slippers, he hates the school shoes, but he doesn’t have a choice but to wear them.
Soon he gets to his classroom, and sits down at his seat, he feels sick with anxiety and dread, knowing that today is going to be a long and horrible day, but whatever, he’s just a worthless loser who will never amount to anything.
When Katsuki walks into the classroom, Izuku feels sick with dread and anxiety, but he knows that he needs to ignore his feelings, though he chews on the sleeve of his shirt without even realizing.
He has had this habit ever since he was extremely young, and it’s better then the alternative which is chewing on his hands.
Katsuki approaches Izuku, hands in his pockets, “OI! Retard!” He growls, grabbing Izuku’s arm, and pulling his sleeve out of his mouth, “Quit doing that shit, you look like a fucking toddler when you do! It’s disgusting!” He snaps.
Izuku flinches when Katsuki grabs his wrist, he looks down at his desk, avoiding eye contact, “s-sorry Kacchan…” He mumbles, already feeling the tears welling up in his eyes.
Izuku hates how sensitive he is, how the smallest things can make him cry, he hates how overwhelming small things are, and how overstimulating school is, in all honesty, he wishes that he was dead practically every day.
Izuku, stares at his desk, even after class starts, it’s hard for him to focus on his work when he feels so stressed and sick with anxiety and dread.
He just wants the school day to be over already, he doesn’t really feel safe at school, sure Katsuki is nicer at times now, but still, Izuku just doesn’t feel comfortable.
It feels like forever, but finally the bell rings for lunch to start, and Izuku knows that he’s not going to eat anything for lunch, considering that it’s too many calories, and too stressful eating around so many people.
He slowly gets up, and walks over to the garbage, dumping his bento into the trash bin, when he suddenly feels a hand on his shoulder.
Izuku feels his body tense up, and he slowly turns around, seeing Katsuki standing there, Izuku stares at the floor, and anxiously fidgets, hoping that Katsuki won’t be mad at him again.
Katsuki just grins, “Whatya found Deku!?” He sneers, looking into the garbage, “You throwing out your food again?”
Izuku flinches, then nods weakly, when Katsuki sees this he grins and grabs some of the food out of the garbage with his hand, before Izuku can even realize what’s happening, Katsuki has shoved a handful of food into Izuku’s mouth, holding his mouth closed to force him to swallow.
Izuku gags, just thinking about the food, and how it was in the garbage just a few seconds earlier, Thankfully, Katsuki drags Izuku to the bathroom and pushes him into a stall.
Katsuki glares at Izuku, “Now do that gross shit you always do after you eat, that sticking your fingers down your throat bullshit!” He demands.
Izuku nods, and does so, honestly he’s relieved that he’s allowed to purge, even though he hates doing it, at least Katsuki is giving him permission to do this, even though it’s more of an order then permission.
Izuku sticks his fingers down his throat, and gags until he’s eventually able to throw up, he knows that Katsuki makes him eat to help him stay healthy, and he makes sure that he throws up so that he won’t gain weight, he knows that all of this is done to help him and he appreciates it.
When he finishes throwing up, under Katsuki’s supervision, he wipes his mouth with toilet paper and flushes the toilet, then he rinses his mouth out with water at the sink, to try and get rid of the taste of vomit.
When he finishes, he tries his hardest to resist the impulse to chew on his sleeve, not wanting to anger Katsuki, and instead he just fidgets with the notations of his shirt, waiting to be told what to do next, he’s terrified to act on his own, because he doesn’t want to make Katsuki upset.