Work Text:
Ilya
Shane
Shane
Yeah?
Why are you texting me? I’m literally just in the kitchen.
Ilya
Would you still love me if I was worm
Shane
What are you talking about?
Come downstairs, dinner’s almost ready.
Ilya
Is important
Tell me
If I was worm
Would you love me
Shane
Well, you would be a worm.
Ilya
Yes
Shane
But that would be weird.
We wouldn’t be able to talk. Or communicate at all.
I can’t sleep in bed with a WORM.
Shane
Ilya?
Come down for dinner.
Shane
Your food’s getting cold.
Shane
I put a plate for you in the oven ♥️
-----
Ilya Rozanov @ilyarozanov81
So I guess my own husband hates me 😢
980 Retweets 10.1k Likes
-----
Mom
Shane? Why did Ilya just tweet that you hate him?
Shane
Why do you have twitter.
Wait, he did what?
Mom
[Screenshot attached: Tweet from Ilya Rozanov’s account]
Of course I have Twitter, I don’t live under a rock.
Shane
Omg
He is so dramatic.
Mom
What did you do.
Shane
I didn’t DO anything.
He asked me if I would love him if he was a worm.
I didn’t say yes.
Mom
Oh Shane.
-----
Group Chat: Centaurs sans Captain (DYKSTRA use this one when you’re talking shit about Roz)
Evan Dykstra
FUCK ME training was brutal today. Who pissed off Roz?
Zane Boodram
Hollzy, why is your husband in a mood
Shane Hollander
It’s nothing.
Troy Barrett
Does this have something to do with Roz’s tweet last night?
Shane Hollander
No.
I don’t know.
Wyatt Hayes
That means yes
Evan Dykstra
Well whatever it is can you two make up already
I’m tired
Do whatever it is you do that has him walking in in the morning with that shit eating grin on his stupid face
-----
Ilya
Would you still love me if I was worm
Svetlana
sorry for late reply
Was at club until 7am haha
am still little drunk
I dont understand question
-----
Ilya Rozanov @ilyarozanov81
So I guess my own best friend hates me 😞
461 Retweets 3.5K Likes
-----
Svetlana
[Screenshot attached: Tweet from Ilya Rozanov’s account]
Why is your husband so fucking dramatic
Shane
Omg. Did he ask you too?
Svetlana
What? Something about worm? Yes.
He is sulking now, isn’t he?
Shane
Unfortunately for me, yes.
Svetlana
🙄
Men.
-----
Shane
Heading to the grocery store, need anything?
Shane
What time do you want to leave for training later?
Shane
Ilya
Stop ignoring me.
We live in the SAME HOUSE.
Shane
I bought your favourite protein bars, the chocolate ones. They’re in the pantry ♥️
-----
Group Chat: Centaurs sans Captain (DYKSTRA use this one when you’re talking shit about Roz)
Evan Dykstra
I’m dead. I’m fucking dead
HOLLANDER why have you not made up with Roz yet
Zane Boodram
God, even I can admit training today was fucked.
Did someone check on Haas? Kid was face down on the ice by the end of it.
Troy Barrett
RIP 😩
Wyatt Hayes
Hollzy, everything ok?
Shane Hollander
Yes.
I am working on it.
-----
Shane
Hi Harris, can I ask a question?
Harris
Sure Shane, what’s up?
Shane
What is this ‘would you love me if I was a worm’ thing?
Apparently it’s something on the internet?
Harris
Oh. Okay.
Ilya’s tweet makes sense now.
Harris
Yeah, it’s this meme thing that went viral.
People ask their partners if they would still love them if they were a worm and see what they respond. It’s kinda like a metaphor to see if you would love them unconditionally.
Shane
I see.
Harris
Do you need me to manage a response to Ilya’s tweet? There’s been some comments about it on the Centaurs official Twitter.
Harris
Shane?
-----
Shane
Has Jackie ever asked you if you would still love her if she was a worm?
Hayden
Yes
Shane
And what did you say?
Hayden
I said yes
Shane
Fuck. How did you know to say yes?
Hayden
Buddy. It’s one of those questions you just have to automatically answer
Do I look fat in this? No.
Did you take out the trash? Yes.
Would you love me if I was a worm? Yes.
Shane
I may have fucked up.
Hayden
Is this related at all to Rozanov’s tweet?
Shane
Does everyone have fucking twitter except me?
Hayden
Yeah dude
-----
Shane
Would you still love me if I was a worm?
Rose
Yes!
We would be best worm friends
Shane
Oh for fuck’s sake.
Rose
Ilya asked you and you said no, didn’t you?
I saw his tweet lmao
Shane
I hate you.
Rose
You would probably enjoy being a worm, they eat mostly organic
Shane
Again, I hate you.
Rose
🫶
-----
Shane
Hi Jessie, may I please have the login details to my Instagram account?
Jessie (PR)
Hi Shane. Omg, you’re finally going to post something? It’s been ages since your last one!
Besides the ones I post on your behalf, obviously.
Shane
Yeah.
It’s our wedding anniversary in a few days. Thought I would make a post.
Jessie (PR)
That’s so sweet!
Your password is: hR$tw6pc!23
Shane
Thank you.
Jessie (PR)
Btw, I’ve been meaning to touch base about Ilya’s recent tweet. There’s been some discourse online. Did you want to discuss a response?
Shane
No need :)
-----
Restaurant Atelier
Thank you for your reservation at Restaurant Atelier. We look forward to welcoming you.
Name: Shane Hollander
Guests: 2
Date: 10 July 2022
Time: 7:00pm
To manage your reservation, visit https://sevn.rm/xoR923
Please do not respond to this text.
-----
Maison des Fleurs Ottawa
🌸 Thank you for your order, Shane! Your flower delivery is scheduled for 10 July between 9am–11am.
We’ll notify you when it’s on the way. Call us at 613-733-002 if you need to make any changes.
Please do not respond to this automated message.
-----
shanehollanderhockeyplayer on Instagram
Photo: [Shane and Ilya on their wedding day. They are beaming at each other and are both holding up their left hands, showing off matching wedding bands. Ilya’s right arm is wrapped tightly around Shane’s waist.]
Happy 1st wedding anniversary to my husband.
If you were a speck of dust in the Milky Way, I would become an astronaut to search for you. If you were a leaf, I would climb every tree to find you. If you were a worm, I would find a way to also become a worm so we could be together always.
Life is infinitely better with you. я тебя люблю
321K Likes, 1.8K Comments
Comments:
roselandry YOU GUYSS 🥹🥹
officialottawacentaurs Our favourite husbands! Happy anniversary!
realhaydenpike Welcome to the Old Marrieds club!
yunahollander Happy anniversary boys! Love you both.
svetlana_v mr and mr dramatic
ilyarozanovofficial мой любимый 😭😭😭
ilyarozanovofficial I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU SO MUCH
ilyarozanovofficial You are stuck with me forever мой червяк
ilyarozanovofficial It has been the best year of my life ♥️
shanehollanderhockeyplayer @ilyarozanovofficial Ditto. I love you ♥️
svetlana_v you two are so gross
ilyarozanovofficial @svetlana_v you are homophobe
svetlana_v @ilyarozanovofficial @shanehollanderhockeyplayer 😘😘
evandykstrahockey jesus who knew Hollzy was such a poet
wyatthayesgoalie Happy one year boys! <3
harrisdrover You guys give me premature gray hair but I love you both. Happy anniversary!
zaneboodramofficial Both of you stop being so cute, my wife is giving me the side eye now. Happy anniversary though 🥳
troybarrett17 Happy anniversary to the Centaurs’ 2nd hottest couple 🤪
ilyarozanovofficial @troybarrett17 you fucking wish
-----
Ilya Rozanov @ilyarozanov81
Photo: [Ilya’s view from bed. Shane is standing at the foot of the bed with a huge bouquet in his arms, the colourful flowers half-hiding a shy smile on his face. He is wearing only a pair of sweatpants and nothing else.]
I have the best husband in the whole fucking world 🪱♥️🪱
4.2K Retweets 15.2K Likes
-----
Group Chat: Ottawa Centaurs Team 🐴
Ilya Rozanov
Training is cancelled tomorrow morning, I have anniversary plans with my husband.
-----
Group Chat: Centaurs sans Captain (DYKSTRA use this one when you’re talking shit about Roz)
Evan Dykstra
THANK YOU HOLLZY