Chapter Text
The morning was quiet as the sun began to rise in the rural area of Mushroom City, the sound of birds chirping and a gentle breeze blowing being the first sounds to greet the day. On the edge of town stood a makeshift cabin in a clearing in the woods, its occupants still fast asleep. This was the home of the notorious criminal duo; Mr. WPNZ, a mechanical assassin and literal walking weapon with insane weapons proficiency and the ability to switch his hands into any weapon in his arsenal; and Mr. Puzzles, a gangly TV-headed showman with the ability to- under certain conditions- brainwash unsuspecting people and shoot lightning right from his fingertips.
Inside the cabin, the two slept soundly on their surprisingly cozy bed, the rhythm of their breathing almost in perfect sync. WPNZ, although a couple feet shorter than the lanky showman, was slightly sprawled on top of him, lazily spooning the TV man, the assassin's left cannon leg sitting on top of his stomach. Despite being a man of metal, Puzzles still found the position warm and comfortable. All the while, the resident slimeball, Toomp, was also sleeping comfortably, curled up by the foot of the bed like a cat. It was a truly peaceful morning.
Unfortunately, the cuddling had to come to an end as Puzzles woke up, stretching his long limbs outwards and yawning. He looked to his left, seeing WPNZ still snoozing away. The showman let out a quiet chuckle, finding the sight cute and comforting. His partner in crime always was a heavy sleeper. Puzzles got out of bed, careful not to wake the two. He wanted them to sleep just a little longer.
Walking to the bathroom in just his boxers, the showman took his time getting ready for the day, taking extra care to polish his head and clean his screen, before walking out to the closet to get dressed and put on his signature designer clothes. One look in the mirror was all it took for him to smile. Perfect, just like always.
Looking back at the sleeping assassin, Puzzles figured he would do something nice for him. Quietly, he made a beeline down the stairs for the kitchen. Perhaps the assassin would enjoy a fresh cup of coffee to start his day once he eventually woke up. Entering the kitchen, he filled the coffee pot’s reservoir with fresh water before turning it on to preheat. Afterwards, Puzzles opened the third cupboard on the right of where they kept the stove, pulling out a coffee filter and a box of coffee grounds.
He put the filter in the filter basket and poured in the grounds before finally brewing the coffee, watching it pour into the carafe. As he waited, he looked out the kitchen window while breathing a sigh of contentment, a smile flashing on his screen as he felt the warm rays of the morning sunlight peeking through and brightening the room. A moment of reminiscing of the glorious sunrise, the coffee would be brewed fully and ready to be poured. He grabbed a fun mug with letters on the side saying ‘Don’t Talk To Me Until It’s Empty’, graciously pouring in the coffee into the cup. Going to the fridge, he would grab some creamer that he would add a splash of to the black coffee. It was just how WPNZ liked it. Cleaning up the counters and putting things back, he would carefully hold the mug of coffee as he made his way back to their room upstairs.
Just getting to the door and cracking it open, he still saw Toomp and WPNZ sound asleep. Things were going his way today. Walking in, he would pass the bed to get to WPNZ’s side, patting Toomp on the head as he walked by. Getting to WPNZ, he breathed in and smiled, bringing his hand up to the blind’s ropes and pulling one down. A sudden burst of sunlight shined into the room, greeted with a cheerful voice along with.
“Good morning, my shining stars!” The sounds of tired groans resounded in the room as faces were being buried into covers. Puzzles walked over to WPNZ’s nightstand, putting down his cup of coffee, watching the grumbling tin man hide himself in the bed. Puzzles leaned his body down to the covers, softly speaking and placing a hand on top of WPNZ. “Darling, you're on in five; why are you still in your trailer~?” Puzzles teasingly said, using his words of creative charm to make the morning different from the one before. Puzzles then heard a mumbled groan from under the covers by WPNZ in reply. “If you wish to start the day, better drink your coffee I made for you before it gets too cold.” In a soft and caring tone, he stood straight up again, heading over to the dresser, opening drawers. WPNZ sighed and groaned, slowly exposing the sunlight to his face as he pulled off the covers. Sitting up with a grunt and rubbing his face, he mumbled into his hand.
“Was openin’ the blinds really necessary, boxhead…?”
“It’s a beautiful morning, I can’t risk you falling back to sleep if night continues to cloud your head,” Puzzles said whilst he prepared WPNZ's clothes for the day to lay out on the bed. Toomp would find himself groggily sliding off the bed, his body would turn into a puddle upon reaching the floor. WPNZ turned to his side, seeing the cup of coffee on the nightstand. He adjusted himself by cracking his back with a grunt, sliding half his body into a sitting position on the side of the bed. He picked up the cup, blowing a little just at the top of it and began to take a couple sips. He exerted a small smile from the taste, just how he liked it as usual. “Enjoying your cup of coffee, dear?” Puzzles would ask as he approached, sitting next to him off to the side of the bed.
“Good as always, thanks.”
“Oh, you're too kind! Thankfully you have such an easy request for a cup of joe, I hardly have to waste anything good to please you.” Blunt and proud of himself, he was just happy to receive a thanks from him. The assassin rolled his eyes with a slight hum, knowing at this point that Puzzles wasn't great with his words at times.
It had been long enough now of the two being together, it was just a normal thing for the assassin to hear. But despite that and any other flaws the showman might have, WPNZ didn’t mind. After all, that was all part of the promise they both made to each other.
It was hard to believe that three months ago, the two partners in crime made a lifelong commitment, one that would change their lives forever. Puzzles remembered it like it was yesterday.
It was a day like any other, filled with gunfire, explosions, and money flying in the wind. WPNZ and Puzzles had just robbed the Mushroom City bank, having cleaned out nearly the entire vault. A full police squadron may have been already waiting for them outside, but fortunately for them, the dynamic duo was prepared for anything. With a shot of electrokinesis here and a plethora of gunshots and deep cuts there, they were both able to run free in no time flat.
That day, as the final explosion covered the area with a plume of smoke and fire, and they were far enough away to catch their breath, Puzzles was left starstruck at what WPNZ did next. The assassin dropped the bag of loot before dropping down to one knee, producing a box from his pocket. Inside that box… was a ring.
“Puzzles… would you make me the happiest man in the world, and marry me?”
Those were the words he had to the showman, who was so giddy he couldn't even think straight. It made the assassin chuckle warmly to see Puzzles so happy, but what he wasn't expecting was for the Showman to have the same idea and produce a ring box of his own, saying he was also planning to propose. The whole situation was so silly that they were both laughing for a minute straight. One thing was for certain; both answers were a resounding yes, and a few weeks later, they were happily married, and they have been inseparable ever since.
Thinking back, Puzzles thought that was the happiest he had seen WPNZ in all the time he had known him. He sighed, looking down at his wedding ring.
“Three months really went by fast, haven't they, my star?” the showman said, prompting a warm smile from his walking weapon of a husband as he put down his coffee.
“Yeah,” he responded, placing the mug back on the nightstand before turning his attention towards the TV man, presumably knowing what he was referring to. “Helluva lotta time to settle down, and I don't regret it one bit.” Puzzles’ screen displayed a smile complete with happy tears, before inching closer to WPNZ, who welcomed the company by pulling him in close while flashing a toothy grin, earning him a surprised squeak from the showman, before the assassin began to plant kisses on the tall man's head.
“WPNZ, dear…” Puzzles said, his screen flashing a flustered expression complete with a bright red heartline. “Please, Toomp is still here.” Sure enough, Toomp was standing by the bedroom door, having semi-recovered from sleepiness and staring at the two lovebirds. That didn't seem to phase WPNZ, however, as he continued to lovingly peck the man he loved.
“What, he's grown! He won't get grossed out like some li'l kid. Now c'mere, you!” he responded as he pulled the showman closer. Knowing what was about to happen, Toomp rolled his eyes before leaving the room, leaving Puzzles at the mercy of his husband. The kisses reached the thick cables that made up Puzzles’ neck, making Puzzles blush harder and let out a series of laughs and snorts.
“WPNZ!!! WPNZ, da-harling, ple-he-hease!!! H-have mercy!!!” the showman laughed, before trying to push WPNZ off of him, but the assassin wasn't letting up his onslaught of kisses.
“Heh, never!”
“Please! Plea-hease, I beg of you! Or you're going without breakfast today!” the TV man begged, his hands flapping from slight overstimulation due to the pecks on the neck. That seemed to halt the onslaught, as the assassin let out a hum of acknowledgement before pulling away. He would rather not go about his day hungry.
“Fine, fine. I need to get dressed anyway.” WPNZ kept a warm smile as he watched Puzzles stand up and dust himself off. “See ya downstairs, Puzz.” Puzzles nodded as he walked towards the door, soon stopping in his tracks before looking back at WPNZ while keeping his hand on the doorframe.
“Is there anything in particular you would like me to cook for you?” WPNZ mulled over his husband's question, before answering with a shrug.
“Eh, I'm not feelin’ too picky today. Chef's choice?” Puzzles smiled warmly at the answer, letting out a warm chuckle.
“Very well,” he said. “I'll make you your favorite. Now get dressed already, you big brute!” With that, the showman left the room, leaving WPNZ to get ready for the day. He was pleased to hear the metal man getting off the bed and changing into his clothes for the day as he walked down the stairs, returning to the kitchen and putting on an apron that read ‘Give the Cook 5 Stars’.
Puzzles started off by preheating the oven. Next, he grabbed a pan and put it on the stove top, then went over to the fridge and took out some bacon and two large sausages. He went straight to work, turning the burner on and placing two thick slabs of bacon into the pan. The sound of the bacon sizzling was very much prevalent, it even got the attention of Toomp, who just so happened to be wandering by. “Are you hungry as well, Toomp?” Puzzles asked the red blob as he flipped the cooking bacon with a spatula.
Toomp nodded eagerly, a grumbling sound being heard from his bottomless pit of a stomach. “Patience, my friend. You can't rush art, after all,” the showman tutted, as he took the bacon off of the pan to cool a bit before preparing the sausages, humming to the tune of the ‘Puzzlevision’ theme song. Once the bacon was cool enough, he wrapped the slabs around both sausages with care, holding them together with some toothpicks from the cupboard, before placing the two wrapped sausages on a baking sheet and putting them in the oven to bake.
While the sausages were cooking, he went over to the fridge again, opening it to pull out a few eggs. Puzzles was sure to clean the pan off as much as he could before cracking open the eggs, that delightful sizzle resounding as they hit the pan. “Toomp, would you be a dear and fetch me a couple potatoes?” Toomp nodded at the request, promptly waddling towards the potato box in the corner of the kitchen and grabbing two spuds.
Puzzles put another pan on a free burner just as Toomp delivered the potatoes. “Oh! Toomp, the toaster, if you would? My hands are very much full at the moment,” he requested. Toomp, eager to eat as soon as possible, spared no time plugging in the toaster before taking out four slices of bread, placing them in the slots and turning the toaster on. The showman set the sunny-side up eggs on a plate before taking a grater out from within a nearby drawer, shredding the potatoes into ribbons, skin included.
Toomp watched on, mouth watering as Puzzles got the butter platter and placed some butter in the second pan. The showman continued humming a tune, waiting until the butter was melted before putting the shredded potatoes in, spreading them out well so that it would cook evenly.
It was then that the toast popped out of the toaster with a sharp ‘ding!’, displaying a perfect golden brown. While Puzzles seasoned the still cooking hashbrowns with salt and pepper, Toomp took the pieces of toast out of the toaster, putting them on a plate for them to be lathered in butter. “Thank you, Toomp. They're perfect. Now, just a little moment longer…” With the hashbrowns now fully cooked, the showman placed them on a plate for WPNZ, before moving over to the toast Toomp gathered and set aside, evenly spreading the perfect amount of butter.
After putting a piece of buttered toast on his plate with the eggs, and another on WPNZ’s plate with the hashbrowns, Puzzles checked the oven. He smiled, content to see that the sausages were ready. He carefully put on some oven mitts before opening the oven door, taking out the baking tray and revealing the delicious jumbo pigs-in-a-blanket. He took the toothpicks out, the bacon still wrapped around the sausages, before taking some tongs and putting them on WPNZ’s plate next to the hashbrowns. “Perfect. Truly a five-star meal,” he praised himself, taking the plates and placing them on the dinner table.
While Puzzles went back to the kitchen to clean up, Toomp went ahead and ate the other two pieces of toast meant for him, having become too impatient to wait any longer. Puzzles didn't seem to mind, as long as he stayed away from the food he prepared with care for him and his walking weapon of a husband, who just so happened to be walking over to the dining room after getting ready for the day.
“Just got done cookin’, good lookin'?” the assassin teased with a smirk, sporting his signature attire minus his jacket, coffee mug in hand. He took a deep breath, the smell of the food the showman prepared wafting in the air. “Smells good, like always.” Puzzles laughed warmly, a red heartline appearing on his screen as he finished cleaning.
“You're so unbelievably cheesy, dear.”
“I learned from the best,” WPNZ said back before the two sat down to enjoy their breakfast. Puzzles decided to put a little salt on his eggs before taking a bite, while WPNZ wasted no time scarfing down the first sausage. “Tastes as amazin’ as always!” he complimented, his mouth slightly full as he swallowed the last of what he ate. The showman couldn't help but scoff at the assassin's lack of table manners.
“Honestly, dear… you really shouldn't talk with your mouth full. You could choke that way, you know,” he cautioned, to which WPNZ shrugged, initially unbothered. But since he didn't want Puzzles to be annoyed with him for the rest of the day, he eventually complied, taking smaller bites of the second sausage.
The rest of the meal went on smoothly, or at least as smoothly as Puzzles wanted it to be. It was nice to just sit down and talk over breakfast about whatever was on their minds. WPNZ always did like to listen to his husband yap about anything movie related, whether it was to rant about films whose actors put on less than stellar performances, or to share his inspirations for his own works. Marrying that man was the best thing to ever happen to him.
The peace at the table didn't last too long, however. As WPNZ finished off the last of his coffee, he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. Taking it out, he saw that the caller ID was unknown.
“Who's calling, dearest?” Puzzles asked, slightly tilting his head to the side in curiosity as the assassin stood out of his chair.
“Doesn't say. Gimme a sec, m'kay, hon?” The showman took a small bite out of his toast, slowly chewing as he watched as WPNZ answered his phone, turning his back to him. “Yo…” WPNZ greeted tiredly, not exactly too happy that his morning was interrupted. “Who's askin’?” he responded. Puzzles couldn't help but try to listen in, but the caller’s voice was so low that he couldn’t hear too much. Who could be calling his husband at this time, he wondered. WPNZ pinched the bridge of where his nose would be if he had one. “Fine, I'll hear you out, but keep it short.”
Puzzles watched as the assassin unconsciously started to pace as he was on the phone, the sound of his leg cannons clanking as he walked. “Uh-huh…………..Okay…………Casino, you said?” The room was silent for a brief moment, aside from WPNZ pacing and the occasional squishing sound from Toomp, who was just as curious as Puzzles. “And how much we talkin’?” The showman noticed the tone in WPNZ's voice change a bit, almost as if his interest was piqued. The assassin soon stopped pacing, his eyes lighting up at the amount that was mentioned on the other end of the call. “Gimme half an hour, and have the payment ready for me. I take half up front.” After receiving some coordinates, the other end hung up, as did WPNZ.
“Who was it?” Puzzles asked, still curious.
“A potential client,” his husband answered, heading over to the front to grab his jacket. “Apparently, there's this bougie high-end casino on the other side of the city, and it's run by a buncha’ shady snobs who're scammin’ people outta their money, and not in the traditional way casinos already do.” He put on his jacket. “I'm gettin’ paid to bash their heads in n’ rewire the money to the client so they can redistribute it back to those affected.”
Toomp, excited to go on another mission with his friend, promptly ran over to WPNZ, jumping onto his shoulder and earning a smile from the assassin, who shrugged as he continued. “Real Robin Hood type shit. ‘M not too into it, but, hey, a hit's a hit. Wanna tag along?” Puzzles stood up before watching WPNZ getting ready to go out.
“As tempting as that sounds, dear…” he started to respond. “I'm afraid I'm going to have to decline this time. Not that I don't want to come with, that is!” He fidgeted by pressing his fingers together. “I actually have this screenplay that I really want to get done as soon as possible. I know what it's going to be about, but I want to pen down my ideas while they're still fresh.”
WPNZ couldn't help but raise a brow. Usually, Puzzles would join him on missions at the drop of a hat. It kind of disappointed him a bit, his expression quickly being noticed by the showman. “P-please don't be upset! I'll join you next time, I promise!” he exclaimed, waving his hands in a panic. WPNZ waved a hand in assurance.
“Boxhead, it's okay. I'm a little disappointed, sure, but I'm not gonna throw a fit over it,” he assured, placing a free hand on Puzzles’ shoulder. “Tell ya what; I'll bring home some movies we can watch later. That'll give us both something to look forward to, yeah?” The showman blushed at the touch, placing his hands over the assassin's.
“Can… can we watch ‘Little Shop of Horrors’ together?” WPNZ couldn't help but let out a light chuckle at the request. He always did like listening to his husband yap about the amount of work that went into the practical effects, as well as how many people it took to operate one animatronic.
“Sure, hon,” he answered. “I'll bring home ‘Little Shop of Horrors’. Don't stress yourself out while I'm gone, m'kay?” The showman nodded as WPNZ let go of his shoulder and turned to leave.
“Wait!”
“Hm?” The assassin turned around before suddenly being pulled up and kissed on the lips by the TV man. After a few seconds, Puzzles let go, leaving WPNZ with a starstruck expression, a deep blue blush dusting his cheeks.
“Stay safe out there… I love you, darling.” The assassin smiled warmly, reciprocating the love by giving Puzzles a little peck on the cheek.
“Love ya too, Puzz.” WPNZ turned back to the front door, opening it and heading out. Toomp soon stepped off of WPNZ's shoulder and took the form of a motorcycle, prompting the assassin to hop on. “I'll be back in a few hours!” he announced before speeding off, Puzzles seeing him off and waving goodbye.
“Break a leg, you magnificent metal maniac, you!” Puzzles watched as his beloved sped off out of view, relieved that he understood why he turned the mission down. This screenplay could be his next big break, he just had to think up a good idea for the conflict. It was time to focus. Putting on a face of determination, he walked back inside, locking the door, before heading off to his office. Now that the house was quiet, surely he would be able to get some serious work done.
How wrong he was.