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It'd been on his mind for a while, the nature of their relationship. Or, more so, what exactly either of them got out of being together.
Their arrangement had been unnatural from the very beginning. No dates meant for “getting to know each other” like he had heard about. No intense feeling of lust or passion. There wasn’t even a real admission of mutual interest. Things simply weren’t, until they were one day. A gradual slide into unspoken partnership. It was anticlimactic, nothing like the picturesque image of romanticism that he'd spent the more significant parts of his life hearing about.
Rouge spoke of romance like it was a means to an end. A mutual bout of push and pull where both parties gave and took as they pleased, something fickle and only meant to satisfy those basal needs every creature had. A biased perspective, as she herself has never really committed to one person, preferring the sexual aspect over the emotional connection. Shadow valued her opinion nonetheless.
Amy was on the opposite end of the spectrum, capable of going on for ages about the intricacies of love whenever the topic came up during their get-togethers. To her, romance was about sweetness and devotion. Grand gestures and intimate gifts that would melt one’s heart, something to squeal about to friends and family all the way up until the moment your partner finally asked the question that would bind you together for life. Then next would come a house and kids, maybe a pet. An idealized image of a future not promised to anyone, hopeful and ignorant, but not impossible. Simply difficult. Shadow never spoke this out loud to her, though.
In his mind, relationships were fraught with hardships. Wants and will and personalities coming together only to clash when things got difficult or inconvenient. Not to mention, betrayal. It was common reason for the end of many marriages, a partner or spouse choosing to go behind their lover’s back to meet their own selfish needs. It was sickening, needlessly cruel and hypocritical. Shadow couldn't even imagine giving his future to someone only for them to waste his trust on an impulse.
But, even with the potential of betrayal, something about the promise of forever appealed to him. Appealed to that small, delicate part that he thought he had locked away forever when he lost Maria. The vulnerable part of him that feared isolation, that craved and demanded connection- understanding from others.
Shadow hated admitting it, but the reality was that he didn’t believe he could do that again. Love someone knowing he could lose them at any time. Carrying the weight of their affection into a future where they no longer existed. He’d barely moved on the first time, and he was already setting himself up for failure with Rouge and Omega. But a romantic partner? One who would be so intertwined with his being, the domestic affairs of his everyday life, that losing them would be akin to losing part of himself? Shadow wouldn't do it. Plenty content with the few friendships he’s already made, he didn't feel the need push his luck.
And then Sonic happened. Idiotic and foolish and infuriating Sonic had somehow wormed his way past Shadow's defenses, slipping between his walls and carefully crafted persona. Tolerating his fractious attitude and asking for nothing in return, giving his most while receiving as little as Shadow would give him in the ways of civility, until they circled each other so tightly that they became intertwined.
It was a miracle in some ways, especially since Sonic, by his own admission, never really cared for relationships at all. No repressed yearning or stunted emotions or traumatic event to speak of, just casual disinterest. Love and intimacy boiled down into dull, boring tropes in Sonic's mind. Ones that he had expressed no interest in engaging with.
"I mean, I’ve dated other people before, but it wasn't for me." was the answer Shadow received when he asked Sonic about his previous romantic endeavors.
It was in the aftermath of one of their spars. Sonic had flopped down into the grass as soon as it was over, bruised and beaten as he attempted to catch his breath, that same stupid grin on his face. Shadow was much the same, though his injuries had already begun to heal, he saw no issue in staying to recover his stamina while his larger wounds sewed themselves closed.
At the time, their relationship had just recently transformed into something less hostile, a previous confrontation altering the way Shadow viewed their interactions up to that point. What came about was still nowhere near what one would consider a friendship, but Sonic was forthcoming about his interest in him and Shadow was trying to be responsive to that.
"Too much expectation and like, what's that one word for 'not going anywhere?' But not physically, well kinda physically, but more so emotionally? I guess? I dunno what I'm talkin' about."
"Stagnant?" Shadow supplied.
Sonic snaps his fingers, "Yeah! Stagnant!"
He hums to himself before continuing, "Not to like, dig at their character or anything but, it just felt like… I wasn't getting anything out of it."
Shadow originally took him at his word. Though the logic was different, he could relate to the sentiment of not wanting to pursue or maintain a relationship that wasn’t beneficial to him in some way.
But then they ended up together.
And then Sonic would take him on dates, though he refused to call them that. He would drop off flowers, often freshly plucked from the ground during one of his runs, and little gifts and trinkets to keep him company for the weeks Sonic would be gone. If he was home, he would cook Shadow dinner. He took pictures of the places he’d adventure to and share them with Shadow, going on and on over text about how amazing the scenery was or how impressed he was with the food and how he couldn’t wait to “bring him with” next time. Loving, devoted, and sweet.
All things that indicated they were romantically involved with one another. A couple. At least, if what Shadow was told was anything to go off of.
All things Sonic swore he would never want, would never be, and would never do.
So, it's only logical that he would feel the need to ask, "Do you want children?"
It's said with a slur, tongue still heavy and useless in his mouth as came down from his orgasm.
Sonic is in a similar state, dazed and blissfully content he hums a sound of acknowledgement. He lifts his head up a fraction before dropping it back down again, the force of it shaking the bed a little. Intelligently, Sonic asks, "Huh?"
"Children," Shadow repeats, slow, "Do you want any?"
Sonic chuckles before propping himself on an elbow. He lifts the top half of his body up at the same time as he tilts his head to look at Shadow. His expression is both dopey and smarmy as he gives Shadow an exaggerated once-over, making sure to stare openly at where he is still snugly tucked inside Shadow’s cunt. His cum is leaking out of him, still warm as it squishes past his lips and down into the fur of Sonic’s pelvis.
"Thought you couldn't get pregnant? Unless," Sonic punctuates the word with a roll of his hips and Shadow bits his lip at the slide, cunt still sensitive and achy, "This is like, sex talk or somethin'."
Shadow shudders, breathing hard through his nose in an attempt to calm himself, that familiar spark of arousal climbing up his spine. "No I- ugh, I'm asking seriously."
Sonic's expression shifts into something less horny at that. Neither of them move for a bit, eyes locked onto each other in silent communication. Sonic’s gaze is contemplative, like he’s trying to pick Shadow apart from the inside out, and it takes all of Shadow’s will not to lean down and kiss him and pretend like he never said anything at all.
Eventually though, Sonic lifts up to press himself into Shadow's space, arms coming up to circle around Shadow’s body, bare paw moving to land on his hip and the other carefully tucking itself between his back quills. In unison, he feels Sonic’s fingers dig into his fur, smoothing circles into the skin beneath in slow, practiced motions. It’s gentle and comforting and so so intimate. Meant to soothe more than excite as Shadow feels himself relax into the touch, closing his eyes as he leans forward and rests his head on Sonic's shoulder. Sonic does the same, the low rumble of a purr starting up in his chest as he begins grooming the fur on Shadow’s neck, calling out to Shadow's own and vibrating even louder when it gets a response in that pitchy staccato clicking he’s so used to hearing.
For a moment they just sit there, murmuring simple comforts and I love yous as they exchange small intimacies in the closed space of their shared bedroom, exhaustion settling over their bodies like a heavy blanket.
Then Shadow remembers himself.
"That's not an answer, by the way." Shadows remarks, opening his eyes again.
Sonic groans and pulls back to look at him. "Why're you askin'?"
There are plenty of reasons, but Shadow settles on, "I just want to make sure I'm not holding you back."
Sonic laughs, "From?"
"Potential happiness." A fulfilling future.
Sonic makes a face. "And who said I needed kids to be happy?"
"You’ve never clarified, so I'm asking your opinion now." Shadow rolls his eyes, irritated. Sonic is dodging the question, his usual shtick whenever he suspected Shadow might be revealing “some sort of weird trauma thing,” as Sonic liked to put it.
Sonic laughs again, murmuring something about Shadow’s timing before asking, "Do you want kids?"
Shadow scowls, "You’re dodging the que-"
"If so, then yeah, maybe." Sonic interrupts. He's not looking at Shadow anymore, eyes tilted up at nothing as his face scrunches up in thought.
"I mean, I was pretty set on staying single before all this, so kids was never really something I thought about." his face relaxes, then scrunches again, "I mean, would I even be a good dad? I took care of Tails, yeah, but that kid is like, super smart. Was waaaay more competent than most other kids his age. He probably took care of himself more than I took care of him. I just- guided him and looked out for him when he needed it. Way different from taking care of a baby, I'd say."
Sonic pauses, gaze dropping back down to meet Shadow’s, grin sheepish, "Sorry, got carried away. What I meant to say is, if you want kids then I'm sure we could figure something out. Somehow."
Visions flash before Shadow's eyes in quick succession as he contemplates Sonic’s words. Potential futures, alternate realities where such a thing is possible. In one, Shadow is months along, Sonic’s face pressed into his stomach as he smiles dumbly up at him, love and excitement beaming off him in waves.
In another, Sonic is making breakfast while Shadow sits at table, a small hoglet tucked into his chest fur, near his heart. A daughter maybe, sweet and tiny in his arms, and for a moment Shadow questions how something so innocent could come out of a creature like him. In others…
In others, Sonic is not there at all.
"And If I don't?" He asks, mumbling.
And now it’s Sonic’s turn to be irritated, "Then nothing changes? Why're you being so weird, dude?"
"No. It’s just… don't most traditional couples have kids?"
Sonic's hands stop, they'd been continuing their soothing ministrations this whole time, and for a moment he just looks at him, a myriad of emotions washing over his face before settling on the one Shadow hated most.
Guilt.
"You know I- I care about you, Shadow. Right? You know that don’t you?" Shadow nods because he does, Sonic says it constantly. Not often verbally, as the blue hedgehog is just as averse to vulnerability as he is, but Shadow can hear the words in the way Sonic looks at him. In the way he smiles at him when he thinks Shadow isn’t looking. In the way he jokes and jabs and even argues with him. There hasn’t been a single moment where he has felt unloved. It was weird and unfamiliar, but it made Shadow's heart swell all the same.
"And that'd I'd- I'd do anything for you?" Shadow nods again.
“Good.” Sonic nods to himself. He still looks torn, stuck between wanting to say more and feeling like he's already said too much. Shadow relates.
"I uh, I’m sorry if I’ve been weird about this whole ‘us being together’ thing. It’s just- it’s not you or anything, I just-” he sighs, “What we have isn’t traditional. And I never want it to be.”
At that, Sonic’s hands start moving again, sliding up Shadow's body to cup his cheeks. Sonic looks so sincere it pisses him off, and Shadow frowns openly, even as he feels Sonic press gentle kisses to the down-turned corners of his mouth.
“I want you. Whatever you're willing to give, whenever you're willing to give it." and Sonic pulls back, hands still stroking Shadow's muzzle as he smiles sweetly at him.
Something in Shadow releases at that. He’s not sure when or why, but he had feared that possibility. Comforted, he turns his face into Sonic's bare palms, "Okay."
Sonic presses another kiss to his nose, "Just okay?"
Shadow nods, "Just okay."
Sonic huffs more laughter before tucking his face back into Shadows neck, nuzzling the skin as he leans back into the bed, dragging Shadow down with him. He carefully maneuvers them on their sides, stretching his arms down to grab at covers, dragging them up and over their heads.
Shadow is half asleep, dead weight as he allows himself to be dragged around as Sonic pleases, sinking into the bedding and huddling close until there isn't even air between them.
"You're still inside of me."