Chapter Text
Hayden had just ended his call with his wife. As every evening, he had said goodnight to his kids, listened to their quick rundown of the day, and then spoken with Jackie. He couldn’t wait to get home—to sleep beside Jackie again, hear the kids running through the house, complain about stepping on toys left in the hallway. Those ordinary moments suddenly felt priceless whenever he was away. Some nights were easier than others, but tonight the distance seemed heavier.
With a tired sigh, Hayden reached toward the bedside lamp, ready to switch it off. Before he could, the bedroom door opened.
Shane entered without saying a word, shoulders tense, eyes fixed on the floor. Hayden was surprised: he had assumed Shane would be spending the night at Lily’s. Even though, earlier that morning, he’d stubbornly denied he was going to see her.
Hayden had never understood why Shane was so secretive about that girl, why he refused to talk about her.
It was obvious she was important to him: every time he received a message from her, Shane’s face would change… he’d smile differently, his eyes would light up and his entire face would relax.
Hayden, though he would never admit it out loud, felt a little hurt. They were best friends, they shared everything: victories, losses, injuries. Shane was there when he met his wife and he was his best man at his wedding. Why couldn’t he share this? He tried to make him talk with jokes and casual questions, but it had never worked.
Hayden tried to give his best friend space but Shane and Lily had been texting for years, and his patience was slowly running out. Hayden knew only her name and not because Shane told him, he had read it by chance years ago when a message had popped up on Shane’s phone screen. Hayden hadn’t meant to read it, he simply couldn’t help seeing it. Shane had snatched the phone up almost immediately, and from that day forward he’d become even more careful.
Shane said nothing, not even a greeting. Hayden immediately noticed something was off: This wasn’t how Shane looked after seeing Lily. Normally he’d come back quieter, yes, but lighter somehow. There was always a softness about him after they’d spent time together. Now there was none of that: there was tension, rigidity and a strange shadow in his eyes. And the shirt he was wearing wasn’t the one he’d gone out in, which was odd. Maybe it was a gift from Lily.
Shane went to the bathroom, and after a couple of minutes, Hayden heard the shower running. Hayden leaned back against the headboard, listening absentmindedly to the water hitting the tiles.
After a while Shane emerged wearing sweatpants and an old T-shirt, his hair still damp. Without saying a word, he crossed the room, sat on the edge of his bed for a second, then slowly lay down on top of the blankets, staring at the ceiling.
Hayden watched in silence for a couple of minutes, unsure what to do. In these moments, he wished Jackie was there; her calm nature would have been perfect. She had this incredible ability to make people talk without making them feel cornered. She never forced conversations; somehow people simply found themselves opening up to her.
Hayden had never figured out how she did it.
“You didn’t stay at Lily’s?” He finally asked in the most neutral tone he could manage, as if it were just a casual question.
Shane lifted his gaze too quickly. “No”
“Did something happen?” Hayden asked when he realized Shane wouldn’t elaborate further.
“No” he replied again.
“Shane.” Hayden shifted so he was facing him completely. “You know you can talk to me about anything. It’s obvious something happened between you two.”
“Nothing happened.” Shane looked away and Hayden immediately knew he wasn’t being honest.
“Did she break up with you?” Hayden offered a sympathetic half smile. “Her loss man. Any girl would be lucky to have someone like you in her life”
“No.” Came the curt reply again. Hayden was about to speak again, but Shane added. “And we were never together.”
Hayden furrowed his brow confused. “What do you mean?”
“I mean…” Shane ran a hand through his hair avoiding his gaze. “It was just sex.” He blushed slightly. “Just casual, you know. Nothing serious”
Hayden noticed he was speaking in the past tense. “Was? Did something change?”
“Lily asked me to stay at her house.” Hayden remained quiet, sensing that interrupting would only make Shane retreat again. “She made me a tuna melt, we had a quiet day. We’ve never done that.”
Hayden frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I never stayed.” Shane let out a slow breath.
“I always left...” His ears turned slightly pink. “uhm... after sex. At some point, Lily said something that made it feel too real and I panicked. I made up an excuse, a team commitment I forgot, and left her house.”
Hayden remained silent for a few seconds. “She asked you to stay?” Shane swallowed and nodded. “She made you a tuna melt?” Another nod. “And you ran away?” Shane didn’t respond, he only clasped his hands between his knees. “Shane… are you sure it was just sex? I don’t know anything about Lily, I don’t know her, but I see that you’re happier when she texts you or after you spend time together.”
Shane gripped his hands tighter. “It was just sex.”
“Not when you run away because it feels real.”
“You don’t understand!” Shane exclaimed defensively, his voice sharper than he intended.
“Then explain it. Shane, I want to help you.”
“I can’t let myself want her like this. It’s not simple.”
Hayden furrowed his brow. “Why? Is she married?” He knew Shane wasn’t that kind of person, but he didn’t know what to think. “Because if she is-” Shane shook his head, so Hayden softened his tone. “Are you scared of something?”
Shane didn’t answer, but the silence was enough of a reply for Hayden.
At that point, Hayden realized insisting further would be useless. “If you don’t want to talk, that’s fine. But remember that I’m always here for you, you’re my best friend Shane.”
A faint, tired smile tugged at Shane’s lips for the first time that night. “Thanks, Hayd.” His voice was barely above a whisper.
“That’s what best friends are for. Now let’s sleep” Hayden turned off the light, and in the dark he added. “Don’t run from something that makes you happy.”
Shane didn’t reply.
That night neither of them slept.
The darkness of the room was thick, broken only by the light filtering through the window. Shane kept his eyes open, staring at the ceiling, and every time he tried to close them he relived the moment Ilya had said his name.
Not Hollander. Shane.
Don’t run from something that makes you happy.
Happy… Was he happy? When Ilya messaged him, yes. When they laughed together, yes. When he teased him, yes. When he touched him… yes.
But happiness meant reality. And reality meant it wasn’t just sex. And if it wasn’t just sex, then it was something he couldn’t ignore or pretend didn’t exist.
Shane clenched the blankets in his hands. He couldn’t let himself want him like this, because wanting him meant admitting this wasn’t some passing mistake or curiosity. It meant asking questions he wasn’t ready to answer—questions whose answers could change everything. He wasn’t ready for that. Maybe there was still another explanation. Maybe this didn’t have to mean what he feared it meant.
Shane turned in bed. His phone on the nightstand vibrated slightly. A message. His heart leapt before he even looked at the screen.
Lily
He typed a reply, then he deleted it. Typed another, deleted it again. Finally, he set the phone down without responding.
On the other side of the room, Hayden heard Shane’s phone vibrate, then the soft taps of his thumbs against the screen. He wondered if Shane was agonizing over what to say to Lily or if they were already talking again.
He said nothing. He simply stared at the ceiling, listening to the silence settle between them.
He was worried about his best friend.
Just sex. Casual. Nothing serious.
Hayden almost snorted to himself. It wasn’t just sex. He knew that from the way Shane’s face lit up whenever Lily texted him and from the way he always came back different after seeing her.
I can’t let myself want her like this.
Hayden turned the words over in his mind: they didn’t make sense.
If Shane wanted her, why fight it? She’d invited him to stay, she’d cooked for him. From everything Shane had accidentally revealed, it sounded like she wanted more too.
So what was he so afraid of?