Work Text:
Centaurs Group Chat: Half Horsing Around.
Ilya: @Troy @Harris what’s it like having a loving partner?
Shane: Ilya.
Luca: What is happening? Where is @everyone code red!
Bood: whoa Kid, calm down.
Dykstra: yeah this is Roz and Holzy, they’re just doing a bit.
Ilya: There is no bit, my husband has been away all day doing new underwear photoshoot.
Wyatt: How terrible, “I’m a great hockey player and I’m married to The Shane Hollander who’s so hot he models underwear.”
Dillion: 💀
Everyone laughed at this message.
Ilya: Don’t say my husband is hot!
Luca: Is everything okay Shane?
Bood: Kid, take a breath, I’m sure they’re fine.
Shane: Luca, I promise this is Ilya being Ilya.
Luca: Okay. ❤️
Harris: So what did Shane do?
Ilya: Thank you Harris, finally I get some attention for my pain.
Troy: Wow, why are you always so dramatic?
Holmberg: That's his regular setting.
Young: True.
Ilya: Lies.
Dykstra: You literally left the group chat when no-one sent you a Happy Birthday message, one minute after midnight on your birthday.
Ilya: You should have been quicker, type message ready to send before time.
Troy: Shane, how’s the shoot?
LaPointe: Finally someone asking the important questions.
Wyatt: Drop pics!
Ilya: He will not! How dare you!
Harris: You better run, Wyatt.
Ilya liked this message.
Wyatt: So sorry, I got a little carried away.
Shane: I can’t share them until the launch day.
Ilya: Hello, this is the Captain of this team and therefore this GC! Attention to me!
Bood: Fine, what did Shane do?
Ilya: He went for drinks with the shoot people and didn’t invite me!
Holmberg: Wow, savage.
Bood: Shane is that true?
Ilya: Don’t ask him.
Luca: This really is a bit, I’m so glad.
Troy: oh Haasy, you really see Shane and Ilya as true love huh?
Luca: Of course.
Ilya: Luca is correct, we’re the truest love, Troy, don’t pretend you think otherwise.
Harris: So true!
Ilya and Shane loved this message.
Shane: So after the shoot wrapped they invited me to hang for a bit in the staff lounge for a drink, I stayed for thirty minutes and drank one ginger ale.
Shane: I’m literally leaving now.
Young: Wild.
Chouinard: Quite the party to miss out on.
Ilya: Though abandoned I’ve had time to read that new email offer and research.
Shane: Ilya, this isn’t the place for this discussion.
Troy: New drama incoming!
Dillion: Here we go again.
Harris: I’ll grab the popcorn @Troy.
Holmberg: Ooh what is this new partnership?
Ilya: Toys.
Wyatt: You don’t have any kids.
Luca: Oh, you sweet summer child.
Boyle: 💀
Dykstra: Oh my God! LUCA.
Bood: Ooh Sassed by the Haas.
Young: That should be on a t-shirt!
Harris: I’ll place an order.
Luca liked this message.
Ilya: Shane, our boy’s all grown up.
Ilya: Sex toys, Hazy!
Wyatt: Oh, yeah that makes sense.
Ilya: I’ve told Shane to do it, the company is very good, very sex plus.
Shane: Positive.
Ilya: Yes, positive, thank you, Shane.
Shane: 🩷💜💙
Ilya: Aww, Shane, moya lyubov.
Bood: Christ!
LaPointe: Wow, are you not getting the job done, Roz?
Luca: 🙄
Shane: Uh oh.
Wyatt: Do I have a running buddy?
Ilya: Self pleasure is self acceptance it has nothing to do with me!
LaPointe: Oops sorry, you’re totally right.
Ilya: Always.
Shane: It’ll be too much information for the public.
Ilya: Please everyone on Twitter already knows you’re a pretty bottom boy.
Ilya: The smart people anyway.
Boyle: Are we calling people on Twitter smart?
Ilya: Hey! I am on Twitter.
Shane: Actually it would be good to get some thoughts, I’m overthinking it.
Dykstra: Hey that’s your default setting, Holzy.
Ilya: Don’t come into my house and insult my husband!
Dykstra: Sorry, Shane.
Dykstra: I’ll get my running shoes.
Wyatt and LaPointe liked this message.
Ilya: I will think of suitable punishment for next practice.
Bood liked this message.
Harris: So what’s the campaign?
Ilya: Forwarding email @Harris.
Shane: So it’s a group, a mix of athletes, actors, models and such. It’ll be a big post on Instagram, everyone will be photographed separately.
Ilya: They want Shane on bed with fancy sheets, surrounded by lube packs and a new toy for Valentines.
Shane: The campaign is Love Yourself Loud this Valentines. I really like it and the company Joy is a really good brand.
Shane: And I think it would be a positive for certain people, especially if they had the same struggles that I did. It would be good to show that anyone can be masters of their own pleasure.
Ilya: Good wordplay.
Bood: You seem really invested, Shane, what’s holding you back?
Troy: Apart from the obvious.
Shane: Yes, the obvious being media backlash, I don’t want to make more work for you @Harris.
Harris: Hahaha!
Shane: Did I break him?
Troy: He’s giggling.
Holmberg: Cute!
Everyone liked this message.
Harris: There'll be an increase in thirst tweets, but I don’t think you realize how many thirst tweets you get already.
Ilya: 😡 Where is thirst? I want names, Harris.
Boyle: Haha imagine Shane reading thirst tweets for BuzzFeed while Roz looks more and more murderous.
Everyone emphasized this message.
Harris: I’ve told them no so many times.
Shane: Thank you.
Shane: But it’s not the thirst tweets I was worrying about.
Ilya: I’ll worry about them for us both!
Shane: Sure, sweetheart.
Luca: Fucking homophobes.
Chouinard: Kid is fucking on one today.
Harris: It’ll be crickets!
Ilya: Crickets is slang for silence, Shane. 🦗🦗🦗
Shane Thank you, Ilya.
Shane: @Harris you can’t know that.
Harris: Trust me! This is literally my job.
Troy: The power of the prostate! Straight men clear the field faster than a stampede.
Luca: Sucks to be them.
Ilya: Who are you and what have you done with my Son!
Wyatt: Good one, Cap.
Ilya: For someone running you’re awfully texty.
Wyatt left the chat.
Ilya: Better. 👏
Harris: Truly Shane, I really believe the homophobes won’t even comment on it, they’ll never admit seeing it themselves. They won’t engage on reposts either for fear of the algorithm.
Shane: Oh, I guess that’s possible.
Shane: It could lead to some chirps though, for Ilya.
Ilya: Hah, I’ll chirp them right back, no one is as creative as me, is my superpower, no?
Dillion: There should be some kind of chirping award.
Ilya: No point, I would always win.
Holmberg: True.
Bood: I say go for it!
Dykstra: Yes, do it Shane, we’ll have your back always.
Everyone liked this message.
Shane: Thanks guys, I have a lot to think about.
Ilya: Are you home yet?
Shane: My driver is pulling up now.
Shane: I actually have a surprise for you.
Ilya: Me?
Ilya: I do have a loving partner!
Shane: The brand gave me free underwear, including a lacy crop top.
Ilya: No-one contact us for the rest of the night!
Luca: Truest love of all.