Chapter Text
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Robby was convinced to stay another few days after his planned departure on July Fourth.
Not by Dana, not by Jack, and certainly not by Caleb. Not by Noelle either, by any means. He cared for her in his own way, but she was not at all the reason he stayed. He did follow through on his promise to find her after the shift, and he told her it didn’t make sense to continue when he would be gone for three months, despite the short delay, but she seemed to know it was more than that. Regardless, she accepted the final act of his seven-week itch with grace.
He appreciated the grace given to him by everyone, even when he felt like he didn’t deserve it. When he felt like he was actively running away from it.
He didn’t want to admit it to himself. As excited as he was to get the hell out of town and be free from all of the noise, a part of him would leave claw marks when he left. His heart hurt thinking about the people, the family, he would be leaving behind for three months.
Jack and Dana, of course. Langdon, who he still needed time to fully open up to, even after finally clearing the air. All of the amazing young women whom he viewed as his own daughters. All of the other nurses that The Pitt would crash and burn without. Even Al-Hashimi, who still owed him a drink. He was fond of the new student, Joy, but not Ogilvie yet… Robby was still peeved about how he handled the situation with Louis. How he handled Dennis.
Dennis
He wasn’t sure when he started to primarily refer to the resident by his first name in his head, but Robby’s heart hurt in an alarming way when he thought about having to leave his unspoken favorite. After the dreaded Fourth of July shift, those wide eyes found him in the locker room as he was packing up to head home.
“Is it true?” He asked quietly. He shifted on his feet, his gaze drifting to his fiddling hands before flicking back up to Robby. “I heard that you’re staying for a bit longer before you leave?”
For all the confidence he gained as a doctor, he looked sheepish standing there. Robby studied him for a moment, allowing himself to relish in the hope in his voice. He couldn’t help the ache that bloomed in his chest and the small smile that pulled at the corners of his mouth.
Robby nodded slowly, finally showing his teeth when the younger man’s eyes lit up. “That okay with you?”
Dennis looked startled at the question but quickly recovered, smiling back. “After today, I’ll need to sleep on it.”
Robby chuckled at the sureness of his voice. He could hear the relief in the response, and he couldn’t stop himself from reaching out to rest a hand on his shoulder. “Granted. Go home, get some rest. Really good work today.”
“Thank you, Doctor Robby.” He looked around them and then leaned in, voice hushed like he was sharing a secret. “I’ll rest later. Me and some of the girls are celebrating Javadi’s birthday. Twenty-one, big year.”
“I’ll owe her a drink when I get back then.”
“We’re a package deal. All of us newbies.” Dennis coughed, grinning when the older man laughed.
“Sure thing, kid.”
His body jostled slightly when Robby gave him a heavy pat. They broke apart as Robby finished pulling his things from the locker. Dennis took a step back to give him space, but he lingered, his gaze intense. Robby tried to ignore the burning in his cheeks.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do without you.” He said so softly that Robby almost missed it.
He slung his bag over his shoulder and closed the locker, his palm resting against the cold metal before allowing himself to look down at him. He opened his mouth but quickly shut it at the sight of the glassy sheen over Dennis's eyes. Without his permission, his hand was back on Dennis's shoulder, his thumb brushing the back of his neck.
“Sleep on it.” He said back quietly, selfishly giving his thumb a few more seconds to extend to brush against a curl of hair. So soft. The growing length looked good on him. Dennis just nodded, a small smile returning to the sides of his mouth.
They parted again without a word, and Robby didn’t dare turn around again as he made his way outside. The cool night breeze felt good on his feverish skin. He knew that leaving his little chaotic family behind would be difficult, but this? This was painful. And when he thought about Dennis's little smile, it was a different kind of ache altogether.
He sat on his motorcycle for a long time before letting it roar to life and heading home.
☆
Pittsburgh Trauma Medical Center
7 am
Robby was on edge stepping into The Pitt. His previous “final day” before leaving for sabbatical was a shit show, and he said a silent prayer that this time it would be different. He planned to once again act like everything was completely normal, like he didn’t harbor any feelings of shame or guilt for his upcoming three-month absence.
At least he could reassure everyone that he wasn’t lying about his change in plans. He had indeed reconsidered it being a motorcycle trip. He would still bring the motorcycle for some light riding when he finally made it to Alberta, but the roadtrip itself would consist of him driving his pickup. Safe to say that everyone was relieved, especially after the number of motorcycle-related incidents during the recent holiday.
“Morning.” He greeted Dana, who lit up when she saw him.
“Morning, Cap.” She beamed. “You look well rested.”
Robby snorted, shaking his head. They both knew he didn’t get an ounce of sleep, he just hoped he didn’t look as out of sorts as he felt. But Dana always saw through him.
“You gonna finally admit that you’ll miss us?” She teased.
“Listen, you got your wish for no motorcycle.” He dumped his bag at his desk, not bothering to bring it towards the lockers right away. “You seen Jack?”
“I’ll get my wish when that damn thing ends up in a junk yard.” She scoffed. “He’s on the roof.”
“Oh boy.” Robby murmured, his feet carrying him towards the elevator before he could indulge in more of Dana’s grilling.
Despite how hot it would get during the day, the morning air was cool and refreshing. Robby was relieved to find Jack behind the bars, on the safe side, head turned up to the sky instead of looking down. He didn’t say anything as he approached him, both of them settling in their usual spots.
“Decent shift, I assume?”
Jack huffed. “As decent as it could be, I guess.” He took another deep breath of the fresh air, humming as he exhaled. “Come up here to officially break up with me?”
“Don’t take it personally.” Robby laughed.
They both stood silently, enjoying the rare moment of peace. “At least it’s not on the bike.”
“You’ve been talking to Dana too much.” He gave Jack a nudge. “I need this. It’ll be good to get away for a little bit.”
“Who are you trying to convince?” Jack nudged him back. “You do deserve a break, brother. Just don’t wander too far.” They both knew he wasn’t talking about the actual distance. “What am I gonna do without you?”
“You’re not the first person to tell me something like that.” Robby regretted it as soon as it came out of his mouth. Jack turned to him, a smirk paired with the glint in his eyes. “Anyway…”
“You’ll miss us, huh?”
“You really need to spend less time with Dana, seriously.” Robby pushed away from the bars, heading back towards the doors. “You coming?”
“When are you heading out?” Jack asked as he joined him in the elevator.
“Probably early tomorrow.” He replied. “Kind of just going with the flow. Figured I should probably rest before I’m off.”
“And who convinced you to do that?”
Robby refused to confess that Caleb was the one who originally suggested it, but that it was Dennis who ultimately swayed him. He had found Robby the previous night, stopping by his locker again after the shift. He had a small frown on his face when he told him that he’d heard Robby would be leaving right after a long shift. Robby really needed to do something about the rumor mill always running right under his nose.
“Are you that eager to leave us?” Dennis had joked, but it didn’t quite land. “I know it’s not my place, but maybe you should leave in the morning. You know, maybe get some rest first? Sleep on it?”
Robby didn’t sleep on it. He didn’t sleep at all. All he could think about was that devastated look in his eyes when he spoke. Are you that eager to leave us?
Robby spared a glance at Jack, realizing that he was waiting for an answer. “Dana, probably. I don’t remember.”
They exited the elevator, immediately hit with the bustling noises of the ER. They were greeted by Al-Hashimi, who stood by them as Jack filled them in on a few cases, but Robby was only half-listening. His eyes scanned the floor, making a mental note of where everyone was. King and Langdon were taking over aftercare for an elderly man, McKay was at the nurses' station speaking with Javadi about a situation in chairs, Mohan was speaking with Easton about a family situation, Donnie had taken the new students to do an inventory check, and Perlah and Princess were gossiping with Kim about the rumors from the previous shift.
“I’m listening.” He glared at Jack, who had pinched him. His eyes continued to scan the floor. The nightshift crew approached the nurses' station, Garcia accompanying them for an update on a patient waiting on surgery, and finally, he spotted Santos and Dennis emerging from the hallway with Caleb.
“Man, seriously!” Jack snapped, pulling Robby’s gaze back to his. “I knew we’d be breaking up today, but the silent treatment is not cool.”
Robby looked between him and Al-Hashimi, who looked amused. She shook her head at his confusion. “We were talking about some updates for the staff, considering you will be officially leaving us after today.”
She had grown on Robby since her first day, but something about her smugness still rubbed him the wrong way on occasion. “I am more than happy to go over them during morning announcements, and you can give me any feedback.” While he hated her willingness to push him out of his usual routine, he was grateful for the save.
“Thanks.” He nodded. “Just… try not to make a big deal out of me leaving. I think we’ve beaten that dead horse enough.”
“Noted.” She nodded back before turning to Jack. “Doctor Abbott, pleasure as always.”
Jack waited not even for her to be a few feet away before grumbling. “I don’t love her yet.”
“She grows on you. I think?” Robby shrugged. “Maybe follow through on getting some drinks with her, trade some of those juicy war stories.”
“Not exactly my type.” He winked. They snickered quietly before turning to watch her gather everyone for morning announcements. “I know you don’t want to make a big deal out of it, but I really am going to miss you.”
“I’m traveling Jack, not dying.” The joke tasted sour in Robby’s mouth.
“Yeah, yeah. You better not be.” Jack turned to embrace him, and Robby returned the firm grip around his closest friend. “I want proof of life every twenty-four hours.”
“For you, I’ll even bring back a real nice souvenir.”
Jack shoved him away, a grin on his face. “Good luck, and don’t be a stranger. And make sure to say bye to everyone before you leave. A proper goodbye. No running away.” He nodded towards the group soaking in Al-Hashimi’s updates.
“I’ll try my best.” He swallowed, his eyes finding Dennis in the crowd, watching him listen intently.
“Good luck.” Jack said again, smacking his arm. A warm look settled on his face, despite the teasing. “Love you, brother.”
“Love you.” Robby murmured back, feeling a coil in his gut watching Jack turn towards the exit.
True to her word, Al-Hashimi didn’t make a grand announcement about Robby’s impending leave. She briefly assured the crew that she would be available for any questions or concerns regarding his absence, but she wrapped up efficiently and sent everyone off on their way.
☆
10 am
The first few hours were blessedly light.
Robby bounced between rooms, not necessarily needing to stick around for long. No major traumas, no high-risk procedures needed, he almost felt bored. It was relieving in a way, to know that his team would be alright without him.
“How are we doing in here?” He walked in on King and Santos, who were doing a body check on an elderly woman who had been taken in for a nasty fall.
“Quite a lot of bumps and bruises, CT has been ordered, and we are also going to rule out possiblity for any internal damage.” Doctor King gave the woman a reassuring smile.
“Excellent.” He turned his gaze to the other doctor. “Doctor Santos?”
“There are some old scratches too, mostly healed.” She pointed at what looked like a once gnarly gash on her hip. “How did this happen, Mrs. Godfield?”
The woman blinked up at her before following her finger. “Oh, that? I don’t really remember. I think I just bumped into my dresser.”
Santos nodded at her with a polite smile on her face before turning to Robby. “Should I call Doctor Easton down here?”
Robby crossed his arms and raised his brows. “Do you think that’s necessary?”
She looked down at the gash before returning to Robby with more determination in her eyes. “Yes.”
“Then call them.” He looked between the two doctors. “Good work.”
He made his way back towards the monitor to see if anyone could be discharged, stopping before it along with Dennis, who was hurriedly trying to cram the rest of a protein bar in his mouth. “I don’t want to jinx anything, but does today seem kind of peaceful to you?”
He coughed, bringing his hand up to prevent any spillage. “You know better than to say that, Doctor Robby.”
Robby smiled at the fake annoyance in his voice. “I can’t have my last day be boring, now can I?”
“You’re cruel!”
“No being cruel to our Huckleberry, Doctor Robby.” Dana scolded him from behind the desk.
“I would never!” Robby feigned offense, a hand coming up to his chest. He could feel his heart beating quickly at the grin on Dennis's face. “Finish up, Whitaker. I want you with me for a decannulation.”
They made their way to the room, grabbing Joy and Ogilvie to observe. “Hello, Mr. Copper, I am Doctor Michael Robinavitch. You can call me Doctor Robby. I have Doctor Whitaker here to help me remove your Tracheostomy tube.”
“Finally.” The man rasped, the tube in his neck jostling as he sighed.
“The oxygen weaning went well.” Dennis added. “You’re pretty much breathing completely on your own at this point, so we’ll go ahead and get you ready to remove this. Do you mind if our student doctors observe?”
With the man’s consent, he was semi-reclined. “Talk us through it, Whitaker.”
Robby knew that he probably should have asked one of the students, but he was a selfish man. He liked hearing Dennis talk, liked seeing him be confident. Seeing him in his element, being a good doctor like Robby had taught him, filled Robby with a pride and adoration he seldom felt.
“Right. So first, we want to deflate this cuff here with a syringe.” Dennis did so, carefully extracting the air as Robby began to remove the ties. “Then, after those ties are undone, we are going to ask you to take a deep breath, Mr. Copper. When you breathe out, we will remove the tube. Joy, please have some saline ready to clean. Ogilvie, be ready to dress the stoma site when she’s done.”
His eyes flickered to Robby, and he nodded his approval with a proud smile. Dennis smiled back at him before they continued with the extraction. It went smoothly, working in tandem without much to say, almost like they could read each other’s minds. It was second nature for them to move around eachother, doing whatever the other needed before it could be asked of them. After their part was done, both men stepped back to let the students work.
“Alrighty.” Robby sighed, tossing his gloves in the bin and drenching his hands in sanitizer. “We will need to keep you here just a little longer to make sure you keep breathing normally, and the stoma should heal within seven to ten days. Our wonderful doctors in training and our lovely Nurse Kim will go over everything else.”
“Well done, Whitaker.” He gave him a shoulder squeeze as they left the room. “Should I say again how this day is feeling oddly easy?”
“You’ve already jinxed us, so why not?” He flashed a smile at Robby.
It seemed they weren’t the only ones having an easy day. Several other doctors fluttered around the nurses' station, either waiting on results or discharging patients left and right. It was nice, to have everyone socializing even on the clock. But something in Robby’s stomach told him to keep alert. Something big was bound to happen, always.
☆
12 pm
“Why Alberta?” Santos prodded, leaning over his computer.
Robby sighed, shrugging. “It’s beautiful? I don’t know what you want me to say. I’ve never been, and I’ll get to hit some states on the way that I haven’t seen either.”
“Will you hit Nebraska?”
Robby paused his typing, steeling himself before glancing up at her. “Why?”
“Our dear Huckleberry is from there, you know. I don’t know if he’s been to any nearby states, but maybe he could have some recommendations.”
“Thanks.” He hummed, forcing himself not to search for said man. “But no, no Nebraska. Going from Pennsylvania to Ohio and maybe Michigan. Then Wisconsin and Minnesota. North Dakota? And then Montana, before I get into Canada.”
“How long is the trip?”
“Straight from here to there? Probably a little under two days with no stops. But I want to take my time, you know?” He stopped himself, raising an eyebrow at her. “Any other questions?”
“Yeah.” She snickered. “I’ll ask it again. Why Alberta? I still don’t get it.”
“Nothing more to say, sorry. Whatever betting pool you joined to figure out what’s waiting for me in Alberta is a waste of time.” He rubbed his eyes before taking the glasses off his face. “Don’t you have something more important to do? Caught up on charting?”
She made a gagging noise before putting a finger gun to her head. “Don’t bring it up, you know I hate it. But yes, actually, I am caught up. It’s been a slow day, so I had the time.”
“This is like a bad omen.” Robby chuckled. “Something crazy is going to happen, I feel it. Be ready.”
“WHITAKER!” Dana yelled, startling both of them. “We’ve got a phone call for you at the desk!”
“Bet you it’s that cute farm girl he’s been helping out.” Santos giggled, filling in Princess and Perlah, who were immediately invested in her theory. “The one whose husband died on our first day. She’s sweet, but boy, is she barking up the wrong tree.”
The girls laughed, and Robby shoved down the mix of feelings that threatened to surface. The thought of Dennis running around every weekend to play husband with a widowed wife made him queasy. He hadn’t gotten the chance to talk to him about it yet. The man in question appeared confused, making his way to the desk and looking around at all the eyes on him. Dana’s voice seemed to draw more attention than she meant.
“Is there a bet on who this is or something?” He laughed nervously, picking up the phone. “Hello?”
The awkward smile on his face dropped immediately, his eyes widening, and Robby could feel Santos go rigid beside him. Dennis stood there with the phone pressed to his ear, his mouth opening a few times before shutting it. It felt like an invasion of privacy to stare, but Robby couldn’t tear his eyes away from him. And he wasn’t the only one, it seemed. It was the most quiet he’d heard the ER get in a long time.
Finally, after what felt like forever, Dennis nodded curtly. “Ok, bye.” His arm dropped quickly, placing the phone back onto the receiver like it was scalding hot. He looked pale, his eyes not focused even as he stared daggers at the phone. When he finally lifted his gaze to see people staring, he pushed away from the spot he’d been glued to and made his way around the nurses' station.
“You okay, Huckleberry?” Santos pushed, softer than she usually would.
The look on his face was alarming, and everyone knew in that moment that something horrible was said over that phone. He looked like he’d seen a ghost. He nodded quickly, but then shook his head and dashed away, heading towards the ambulance bay.
“Okay, something is wrong.” Santos quickly made her away around to follow him. Robby watched them both disappear, frozen in his seat.
“Okay people, show’s over! Back to work!” Dana called, and the bustling resumed.
“Who was it?” Princess hissed, a look of concern on her face.
“No clue.” Dana breathed out, her eyes looking worried too. “But whoever it was, it didn’t sound good.”
“Poor Dennis, he’s so sweet.” Perlah frowned. “I hope everything is alright.”
“He’s a tough kid.” Dana said before turning to Robby. “Maybe you should go check on him. We all know how Santos is with bedside manner.”
That got a chuckle out of the surrounding staff, but Robby stood up without a word and made his way in the direction his two residents ran off to. His legs felt heavy, and dread spread through his chest as he got to the ambulance doors. Be ready, he told himself. Every worst-case scenario flicked through his brain as he pushed through the doors, his ears immediately met with the sound of retching.
Dennis hadn’t made it very far. He was crumpled several feet away, bent over some bushes, and emptying his stomach all over them. Santos was standing beside him, murmuring something to him as she rubbed his back. Dennis made a move to shrink away from her, retching again.
“C’mon, Huck, you can’t do this alone. We’ll figure it out.” There was a waver in her voice as Robby approached them.
“I don’t– I can’t—” Dennis spat into the bushes, chest heaving. He looked even paler than before, if it was possible. “Please leave.”
“No.” Santos shook her head. “Don’t start with this bullshit.”
“Trin, please.” Dennis whimpered, clenching his eyes shut.
“Doctor Santos.” Robby stepped in, his heart clenching at the broken noise that left his favorite resident. “I’ve got it from here.”
Santos glared at him quickly before resuming her gentle back rubbing. “You don’t understand.”
“I’d like to. Which is why you should let me handle this and go back inside—”
“Fuck no.” She hissed, the bite in her words surprising even herself. She looked remorseful, the hurt on her face evident as she glanced back at Dennis. “Sorry.”
“He needs a minute.” Robby ignored her outburst and gestured to the shaking man. “I know you’re worried, but this doesn’t look like it’s helping. Go back inside, we’ll meet you in there.”
“Trin, please.” Dennis whispered again, hanging his head. He retched again, but nothing came out.
“Okay.” She nodded. “Okay. But I’m here for you.” She gave him one last pat before walking towards Robby, who still stood a couple of feet away. She grabbed his arm and leaned in, her voice scared but firm. “Do not make this worse.”
Robby didn’t get to respond before she quickly made her way back inside. He observed Dennis's trembling body for a brief moment before opening the back of the ambulance parked beside them. He stepped in and dug around until he found a bottle of water. “Whitaker.”
He was shocked at how gentle his own voice sounded. “Whitaker.” He said again, with a little bit more force. All he got was a head shake in response.
“Dennis.” He sighed. Finally, the shaking man turned his head to look at him. “Please come sit. I can’t have you passing out. It’s hot, and you’ll dehydrate quickly.”
Dennis spat again, turning his head away like he was embarrassed. Then he slowly stood up straight, avoiding eye contact as he made his way to the back of the ambulance. His legs practically buckled when he got there, taking a heavy seat on the back step of the vehicle.
“There you go, kid. Just take a sec.” He opened the bottle before handing it to him, wincing as Dennis took large gulps. “Slower. That’s it.”
After swishing some in his mouth and spitting it out, he did as Robby said and took small sips. His eyes were unfocused, but he had stopped shaking, so Robby counted his blessings.
“Sorry.” Dennis muttered, swallowing thickly and clutching the water bottle closer to him.
“Don’t be. A lot worse has happened out here.” His voice was as gentle as he could make it, slowly taking a seat next to him. “Can we talk about it?”
“About what…”
Robby huffed out a humorless laugh. “Who called?”
Dennis fiddled with the bottle, squeezing it lightly so that the sound of the plastic filled the silence. “My mom.” He finally said, voice so quiet that Robby had to lean in to hear him.
“Might be a stupid question to ask if everything is okay, so I won’t ask that.” Robby took a risk and moved his hand to the younger man’s back, featherlight to not spook him. “What’s going on?”
He observed his reaction, his eyes clearing a bit and his mouth parting to suck in a deep breath before blowing it out. He rubbed a hand over his face before finally looking at Robby. He looked as if he was about to speak, but then he took another stuttered breath, as if he couldn’t get the words out.
“Whatever you say, my lips are sealed.” Robby promised. “I just want to make sure you’re okay. Be honest with me, please.”
Dennis gave him an odd smile and nodded, but stayed quiet for a moment. “I’m not okay, I don’t think.” He whispered.
Robby felt bile of his own rise into his throat. He swallowed it back. Ignoring the rational part of his brain that told him to remain professional, he gripped the other man’s hand tightly. “Dennis, what happened?”
Dennis's gaze fell from Robby’s, and he focused on where the older man had taken his hand in between both of his. Robby didn’t have any time to savor the color that flooded back into his face before he confessed.
“My dad died.” It rushed out of him all at once, leaving Robby stunned at the admission.
He didn’t say anything right away, wracking his brain for the best thing to say. “I’m sorry. I’m here.” He settled on, squeezing his hand.
“My Ma said that he was trying to do some maintenance in the fields, and he just—” He closed his eyes. “He croaked, as some people here would say.”
Before Robby could stop himself, a laugh bubbled out of his mouth. He quickly withdrew one of his hands from Dennis's and covered his mouth. “I did not mean to laugh—”
“I know.” Dennis smiled up at him, it just barely reaching his eyes. “I need to laugh. Just feel… kind of numb right now, I guess. Like it doesn’t feel real.”
“I’m here.” Robby said again.
It was Dennis's turn to squeeze his hand. “Thank you.” He whispered.
They sat for a bit, hands still locked together, the air heavy and humid. Robby eventually made the move to disconnect, not wanting to get his gross handsweat all over his resident. “So. What happens next?”
“I don’t know. My brothers are helping with the funeral arrangements, I guess. I was told it should be in a few days.”
“Are you planning on going?” Robby saw the way his shoulders stiffened at the question. “Hey, look. You take all of the time you need. I don’t want to hear any worries about residency or about time off, I’ll take care of all that.”
“I need to find a flight.” He sighed, running his fingers through his hair, the curls sticking up with sweat.
“Don’t worry about that, we’ll find you something.”
“You keep telling me not to worry.” Dennis snorted. “Do you know who I am?”
“Broken Bow, right?” Robby did a pat-down of his own pants to find his phone, quickly searching for flights from Pittsburgh to Nebraska. “What airports are around there?”
“Technically there’s one in Broken Bow, but you probably won’t have any luck there.” He buried his face into his hands, the now-empty water bottle tumbling out of the ambulance. “Kearney Regional and Central Nebraska Regional are probably my best bets. They might need you back in there, you don’t have to—”
“Shush.” Robby checked both options. “I’m seeing a couple of seats available for a flight tomorrow. There’s even one flight leaving in a couple of hours. Might be too tight… there are some connecting flights too.”
“How much?”
“Several. We can probably shoot for—”
“No, how much are the tickets?” Dennis muttered, hiding his face in his hands again.
Robby looked at him, seeing the flush of embarrassment creep up his neck. “Um, some of those connecting flights are around four hundred. The problem with the other ones is that they are mostly full, and it’s right after the Fourth of July. Yeah, these are a bit more pricey…”
“Great.”
“Hey, I’ll say it again. Don’t worry about all of this.” Robby dropped a hand to his back again. “I’ll get the tickets.”
Dennis snapped his head up, his eyes wide. “No.”
“C’mon, I have plenty of points, I can probably get a really good price—”
“I said no, Robby!” Robby was taken aback by how firm it came out of the man beside him. “I don’t need your handouts. I can pay for it myself. This is my problem, not yours. I’m going back in.”
He pushed himself off the ambulance step, stumbling before regaining his balance. Robby quickly followed him, Santos’ voice ringing in his ears. Do not make this worse.
“Kid, wait.” He pleaded, hustling to stand in front of the ambulance bay doors. He held his hands up as a truce. “Look, I’m not trying to give you handouts. I’m sorry if it came off that way. I don’t— I don’t pity you, Dennis. I know you can take care of yourself.”
Dennis shifted on his feet, avoiding eye contact again. His face was flushed, either from his previous frustration, Robby’s admission, or both. “Are you going to send me home?”
“As much as I want to, I know that’s not what you want.”
Dennis looked at him, surprised. “I won’t be distracted, I promise.”
“I know, I trust you.” The hurt was back in Robby’s chest with how much he trusted him, how scary that was to admit outloud. “But I want you with me until the end of the day. Not as a punishment or anything, it would just make me feel better to keep you close.” He clarified, quickly trying to rush past the last part. “And if you get sick of me, you can take five in the break room.”
The small smile that Dennis gave him finally reached his eyes. “Thank you, Robby.”
“Of course.” He breathed out. “Now go wash up, pick up another bottle of water, and meet me back at the nurses' station. I’ll shut down the rumor mill real quick.”
“You can try.” Dennis huffed, allowing himself to be guided through the doors. “Please just don’t tell Doctor Easton or Doctor Jefferson. I’ll be okay.”
With a silent promise and a parting squeeze to the back of his neck, Robby ushered him off towards the bathroom, ignoring the various stares he got as he made his way back to the nurses' station.
“Let me be very clear.” He looked among all of the nurses there. “There will not be any betting going on that has to do with what Doctor Whitaker just went through, am I understood?”
They all nodded, Dana pulling him aside. “Everything okay?”
Robby nodded but then shook his head solemnly. “Personal stuff, that’s all I can say.”
“Not sending him home?” Both of their eyes found the breakroom, where Dennis quickly ducked into, and where Santos was now jogging over to.
“No, he would fight me on it.”
“Since when do you back down from a fight?” She raised a brow at him.
“Dana, please.” He exhaled through his nose, glancing at the monitor. “I’ll keep an eye on him.”
“Oh I know.” She ribbed, and he shot her a glare before moving to the breakroom.
He leaned in to see what he could hear before giving a courtesy knock and entering. “Whitaker, if you could please discharge our young man with stitches in Pedes, I will come find you for another case.”
Dennis nodded at him, shooting Santos a tight-lipped smile before ducking out of the room with a bottle of water. Robby smiled as he watched him go, proud of him for listening to his instructions. Dennis was always a good listener, good at following instructions. It’s what made him a good doctor, and it’s what made Robby feel twisted inside.
“So.” Santos sighed. “He told you.”
“Mhm.” He hummed wearily. “Did he tell you?”
“Of course he told me, we’re roommates.” She scoffed, rubbing her arm. “And friends.”
“I’m glad.” He nodded. “I’m going to keep an eye on him today. I trust that you can keep an eye on him after this shift?”
“Of course.” She nodded back. “You know, he won’t admit it, but he’s freaking out about going back home.”
“We spoke briefly about flight options—”
“It’s not about the flight.” She cut him off. “Not entirely, anyway. He doesn’t want to go back there. To Nebraska. He hates even calling it home.”
“I understand.”
“No, you don’t.” She said bluntly. “Look, I don’t know how much he told you. But I’m worried about him going. I offered to take time off and go with him, but… well, you know how he is with accepting help.”
“Yeah.” He swallowed, unsure of what else to say. “What should we do? You know him best.”
She looked at him, surprised. “I don’t know. I wish I knew what to do. He said that he’ll try to fly out tomorrow and come back when everything is settled. I just…I don’t like the idea of him going alone.”
“Well you’re not making it sound like a great idea.” Robby sighed. “What else is he supposed to do, though, not go to his father’s funeral?”
“If I had things my way, he wouldn’t.” She muttered. “He shouldn’t have to anyway. It sounded like that dude sucked, like that whole family sucks.”
“I’m clearly missing a lot of context, but I don’t see a reason not to believe you.”
“Thanks, that actually means a lot. Maybe you should talk to him about it, I don’t know.”
“Why me?” As soon as the question left his mouth, she looked at him like he was the stupidest man on the planet.
“Because he listens to you. Like really listens, takes it to heart. He’s a really nice guy, as you know.” She walked over to the door. “And you mean a lot to him.”
Her words made Robby’s heartbeat stutter. “Trinity.” She paused, halfway out the door at the use of her first name. “You mean a lot to him too. You’re a good friend.” He followed her to the door, holding it open for her as they both walked out together. “Need to work on that bedside manner of yours, though.”
She huffed out a laugh. “Yeah, sorry for earlier, by the way. Keep an eye on our Huckleberry.”
☆
7 pm
The rest of the shift came in waves. One minute, everything was steady, and they were back to doing nothing, and the next, several heavy traumas were coming in. By the time he was finally able to start the handoff to Doctor Shen, they lost three more patients, and Robby felt dead on his feet.
“So much for a peaceful exit, huh?” He laughed at Robby’s disheveled look, taking a long sip of his coffee.
“I jinxed it.” He said gruffly. “Now it’s time for me to get the hell out of here.”
“Don’t think you’re not giving a goodbye speech before you go.”
“Fuck.”
Sure enough, Robby found himself standing in front of his usual crew, trying his best not to lose composure as he looked at the sea of sad faces. “Soooo, as all of you know. This is the last you’ll see of me for a few months.”
“Boo!” Someone yelled from the back, and Robby knew it likely came from Donnie.
“Yes, yes, I know I will be missed.” He smirked. “But I didn’t want to run off without some parting words. If you’ll allow me.”
“Firstly, thank you as always to all of you for your hard work today. We enjoyed some downtime early on, but when we needed to get to work? We got to fucking work.” He smiled at the cheers.
“While I’m gone, you will be in good hands with Doctor Al-Hashimi, who I fully trust not to blow the place up while I’m gone. And as always, you will have our all-powerful leader, Dana Evans, to guide you.” Both women stood beside him, sharing an amused look. He took a deep breath before looking around the group.
Princess and Perlah. “Hopefully there is not too much drama when I’m gone, but if there is… I want the scoop.”
Donnie, Jessie, and Kim. “I trust that you will know exactly what to do, even without me here. You are all brilliant, and we are lucky to have you.”
Garcia. “Especially those of you who only grace our presence on occasion.”
Mohan, King, and Javadi. “Keep making me proud. It is an honor for me every time you succeed.”
McKay. “No matter if you’ve been here a while…”
Ogilvie, Joy, and Emma. “...or if you’re a young, fresh face.”
Langdon. “Always keep growing. Always do no harm, to yourself or others.”
Santos. “And keep being there for each other, it’s our greatest strength.”
Whitaker. “And just know that I’m here for you. No matter how far I am.”
He felt his eyes sting by the end, forcing himself to break eye contact with those hypnotising blue eyes. The round of applause gave him a chance to swallow the lump in his throat, only for it to come right back when Dana embraced him. “Be good.” She said, sniffling before pushing him away. He nodded, making his way through the crowd of people wishing him well.
“Whitaker?” He breathed out when he sought who he was looking for. “Can we chat before you leave?”
Santos elbowed him with a wiggle of her brows, snickering at the scowl she received. “Enjoy the chat, Huck. Bon Voyage, Boss!”
“Thanks.” He sighed, leading Dennis away from the group. They only got a few steps before someone else was calling his name. His first name.
“Michael.” Caleb made his way over, stopping in front of both men. “A word, before you head out?” Robby wanted to avoid whatever it was he had to say to him, but Caleb was a hard man to avoid. Damn Psychiatrists.
He turned to Dennis, his traitorous hand finding the back of his neck. “Wait for me?”
Dennis nodded, and Robby ignored the way Caleb’s eyes analyzed the exchange. He followed him a few strides down the hallway, where it was more private. “Yes, Caleb?”
The attending psychiatrist’s mouth quirked up at the sing-song tone of the question. “So you’re really leaving this time?”
“Yep.” He nodded, jamming his hands into his pockets. “Come to send me off? Make sure I’m not doing anything crazy?”
“I’m just glad you are leaving tomorrow morning and not right now.” He chuckled. “Last we spoke, you were adamant about tonight. I’m glad you listened.”
“Don’t take all the credit, I didn’t do it because you told me to.”
“Whatever, Michael.”
“Mhm, so is that all?”
Caleb studied him for a moment. Robby always felt like he could see inside his mind. He hated it. “I just wanted to wish you luck. I know you’ve been looking forward to this for a while.” He smiled softly. “I hope you find what you’re looking for.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Robby scoffed.
“You know exactly what I mean. As much as you want to pretend this is about finding freedom, or taking a break, or whatever else, this trip means something more to you. Something different than what it did before, hopefully.”
“That’s a very shrink thing to say.”
“That’s what they pay me for here.” He nodded, looking back towards the main floor, at the day crew slowly filtering out. “Will you miss it?”
“Yes.”
Caleb faced him again, looking somewhat shocked by his honesty.
“I’m coming back.” Robby assured him. He was right that coming back had not always been part of the plan. Making it all the way to Alberta wasn’t necessarily always the plan either. But that was between him and fate.
“Looking forward to it.” Caleb nodded. “If you need anything, you have my number.”
“I’ll send some lovely pictures.” Proof of life, Jack had called it.
Caleb gave him another laugh before turning his chair to set off back down the hall. “Safe travels, Michael.”
“See ya.” He watched him disappear amongst the people before returning to Dennis. “Sorry about that.”
“S’Okay.” Dennis hummed. “Um, what did you want to chat about?”
Robby looked down at him, taking in the way he tensed and how his eyes looked between Robby’s shoulders instead of his eyes. “I just want to check in. How are you?”
“I’ve been with you all day.” Dennis said, like that was an efficient answer, before clearing his throat. “It got better. Thank you for letting me stay. I needed the distraction.”
“Of course.” The older man nodded. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“And you can tell me to fuck off if you don’t want to talk about it.” Robby added, scratching his beard. “How do you feel about going back to Nebraska?”
“Not great.” Dennis shrugged. “It never really felt… I don’t know, homely?”
“Not close with your family?” Robby pushed as gently as he could.
“It’s complicated. Think I need a drink or something before getting into all of that.” A short laugh pushed past his lips, and the sound of it had Robby speaking before thinking.
“Well the let’s get you one.”
“What?”
Shit. There was no way to backpedal from his offer without feeling like an asshole. “I said, let’s get you a drink. That bar not far from here, walking distance. You know the one.”
“Just me and you?” Dennis's eyes seemed to sparkle under the fluorescent lights.
“You and me.” Robby nodded. “You up for it? No pressure, I just figured…”
“No—yeah. Yes. Sure.” Dennis fumbled over his words. “That sounds nice.”
“Nothing too crazy.” He added. “Just to decompress. I’ll drop you off at your place afterwards.”
“You didn’t ride in today?”
“No. Figured I had enough of that this week.”
Dennis looked surprised, and then a smile bloomed across his face. “Trinity will never let either of us live it down.” He laughed, and Robby’s heart sang again at the sound of it. “Okay. Lead the way, I guess. I’ll text her so that she’s not waiting for me.”
☆
The Cornerstone Bar
7:30 pm
Robby had been out for drinks with his coworkers numerous times. On the days that it was too cold or too rainy to gather at their usual spot in the park, and after especially bad shifts, the bar a few blocks down was the perfect spot. He had been a few times with Dennis present, but it was hardly the place to have a long conversation while out with a group of people.
Which is why when they entered, Robby ushered him towards the back booths. “You like beer?”
Dennis nodded, sliding into the booth. “Sure. I’m not picky.”
Robby came back with two pints, smirking when Dennis cheekily knocked their glasses together in mock cheers.
“So yeah, my family.” Dennis started after a few sips. “There’s just been a lot that’s happened. We aren’t very close. I haven’t been back at all since I left.”
“Since before med school?” Robby tried to school his expression, but it was hard to believe that sweet Dennis Whitaker hadn’t been home to see his family in all that time. The same guy who rushed to help everyone he could. Had he been alone for every birthday, every holiday since then?
Dennis nodded. “I know that probably sounds pathetic.”
“I’m sure you had reasons.” Was all he said, leaving the door open for him to continue. A silence passed between them, both men taking sips of their drinks and nodding along to the music playing around them. Thankfully it wasn’t too loud, Dennis's voice coming out just loud enough for him to hear.
“Doesn’t make me feel any less guilty about it.”
Robby snorted at him, shaking his head. “Guilty? No offense, but you look like you feel guilty when you sneeze a little too loud. You have an apology problem, kid.”
Dennis smiled down at his drink. “I guess I do. Sorry about that. Look, there I go proving your point.” The smile faded after another sip, and Robby would do anything to get it back. “I really do feel guilty, though. About a lot. About not going home, about not calling as much as I probably should. I love my family.”
The waver in his voice shattered something in Robby. Dennis rubbed at his eyes before continuing, taking a shaky breath. “I do. I really do love them, which is why I feel like even more of a piece of shit.”
“Don’t say that about yourself.” He cut him off. “You’re the least shitty person I know.”
“Then why don’t I feel bad that he’s dead?” The silence between them returned, and Robby watched helplessly as Dennis wiped at the few tears that escaped his pretty eyes. “My dad just fucking died, and I don’t feel bad. What the hell is wrong with me?”
Robby sucked in a breath before leaning over the table. “Hey, look at me.” Dennis blinked away a few more tears before doing so. “There’s nothing wrong with you, Den. You’re human. We’re… complicated.”
“He wasn’t the best dad, but he did what he could.” He sniffled. “What he thought was right. But I don’t— I can’t mourn him.”
“You know I lived with my grandmother.” Robby started, watching Dennis down the last of his beer. He slid his cup towards the sniffling man, giving him a small nod of permission. “She tried her best too. Hell, she did more than my parents did. I don’t think I ever really even knew them. But they all tried, in their own way.” He tapped at the table. “But it doesn’t make it right. Doesn’t make it any less hard for us.”
“It was really hard, Robby.” His voice was hoarse as he chugged Robby’s beer.
“I see that.” He nodded. “Whatever happened, however he was, that’s not on you. And wherever he might be now, he should be fucking thankful that his son turned out the way he did. Dennis, you are one of, no, you are THE most thoughtful person I’ve ever known, and everyone in The Pitt is lucky to have you. So please, don’t call yourself a piece of shit. Breaks my heart.”
Dennis's lip trembled slightly.
“And don’t say sorry.” Robby tried, grinning when Dennis failed at hiding his smile.
“Okay.” He wiped at his face. “Then, thank you.”
“Feel a little bit better?” Robby asked, glancing down at the two empty cups.
“Yeah, a little bit. Kind of getting a headache though. I’ll take something when I get home.”
Robby felt that familiar ache in his chest. “Good. Let’s get you some water before we head out.”
After successfully getting his resident a glass of water, they both made their way back outside. The first few minutes of the short walk back to the parking lot were quiet, until Dennis stopped abruptly. Robby didn’t have a chance to ask him if he was okay before he let out a pained sob.
“Whoa, Dennis—”
“Sorry—” Dennis laughed through another sob tearing through him. “Sorry I— fuck I know I shouldn’t be saying sorry. Maybe I’m a lightweight, I don’t know, but it’s hitting me now.” He buried his face in his hands.
“I’m a black sheep, Robby. I can’t go back there, but I need to. But I’ll have to face them, and I don’t know if I can—”
“Shh, you’re okay.” Robby could only bring him closer to him, encircling his shaking body in his arms. “You’re gonna be okay. No matter what you choose to do.”
“I know I’ll regret it for the rest of my life if I don’t try to make amends. James 5:16 says to confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. I want to be healed.” He hiccuped into Robby’s shoulder. “But I’m scared. I’m fucking scared that if I go, I won’t get back on that plane to Pittsburgh. And I’ll be stuck there again.”
“You won’t be stuck.” Robby couldn’t stop himself from burying his nose into Dennis’s hair, whispering against his head. “I won’t let that happen. I’ve got you. You belong with us.” With me.
He wasn’t sure how long they stood there, Robby holding Dennis tightly like he was scared he’d break if he let him go. He scolded himself for the kiss he planted in his hair before pulling away to wipe the remaining tears from his eyes. “We’ll figure it out, I promise.”
“You won’t be around.”
The words set Robby on fire. “I am always around.” He slung an arm around the other man’s shoulder and guided him forward, holding him against his side. The rest of the walk was silent again, Dennis's labored breathing slowly leveling out. By the time they reached the truck, he seemed back in control. Robby opened the door for him to hop in.
As soon as Robby got in his seat, Dennis grabbed the hand that lay on the stick shift, squeezing it. “I know I keep saying it, but thank you.”
“No need to thank me.” Robby squeezed his hand back. “Better than saying sorry, I guess.”
Dennis chuckled quietly. “Can I at least say sorry for being so pathetic back there?”
Robby deadpanned, letting go of his hand and starting the truck. He glanced behind him to check his blindspot. “If you talk about my resident like that again, I’ll make sure you’re put in chairs until I get back.”
Dennis didn’t live far, thankfully, so Robby didn’t have a lot of time to let his mind wander. If he thought any longer about having to leave in the morning, especially now that he’d be leaving his resident during a time when he needed the most support, he’d lose it. He stopped outside his and Santos’ apartment complex, putting the truck in park. Dennis sat there for a moment before unbuckling his seatbelt. Robby watched him carefully, hoping he would leave without another word.
But that’s not who Dennis was. “Travel safe, Robby.”
“Yeah.” He swallowed. “And you, come back to PTMC. Okay?”
“Only if you promise to come back too.” Dennis nodded. As if that didn’t already give Robby palpitations, he leaned in to give Robby a half-hug, one that lasted too quickly for him to savor properly before Dennis was out of the truck and shutting the door behind him.
Instead of walking away like he should have, he turned to the open passenger window and rubbed salt in Robby’s proverbial wound. “I’ll miss you.” He said, sweet and earnest.
Damn you. Robby blinked back the sting in his eyes. “I’ll miss you too.”
Dennis brightened at that, brighter than Robby had seen him all day. That same look that he got whenever Robby complimented him in the ER after a rough case. But underneath it, somewhere in his eyes, he still held a sadness that felt like a knife in Robby’s chest. “See ya.”
He turned towards the building, and Robby felt his heart race like it had when he had collapsed against the floor of pedes. His breath stalling like it had on the Fourth of July when he failed to save his friend. He stared holes into his resident’s back. The thought of Dennis being alone, the thought of him not being there when Robby came back, broke him.
“Dennis.” He croaked out, embarrassed by the desperation in his voice.
He paused, glancing back at the truck at the sound of his name, his eyebrows shooting up.
“I just— wait one second, please.” Robby breathed out, running a hand through his hair. “C’mere, please.” Dennis listened, a confused look on his face as he stepped back against the truck. Robby could see the unshed tears in his eyes, and despite his brain trying desperately to convince him this was a bad idea, it was all he needed to dive off the edge.
“Come with me.” Smooth, Robinavitch.
“Huh?” Dennis leaned closer, nearly sticking his head through the window.
“Come with me.” He said again. “I can take you to Nebraska.”
“Robby—” Dennis breathed out, blinking frantically like he was hallucinating. “I could never ask that of you.” The way he said it made Robby hot all over.
His impulses in the moment were driven purely by the irresistible urge to protect him. To make sure he came back to Pittsburgh, to The Pitt, to him. “I’m offering. Please. Truthfully— I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing anyway.”
“But your plans, don’t you have like… things planned?”
“Driving is driving, kid.” He pulled out his phone in a frenzy, quickly pulling up a map. “Look, I was planning on going through Ohio already, we can dip right into Illinois, hit Indiana and Iowa, and then Nebraska isn’t that much out of the way. Wisconsin and Minnesota seem overrated anyway—”
“Why?”
Robby looked up from his phone to see more tears cascading down Dennis's face.
“Why would you do that?”
Robby unbuckled himself and planted his hand against the passenger seat, hoisting himself across the center console to get as close to Dennis as possible. “Because I need you to get back on that plane to Pittsburgh. Because I can’t enjoy my sabbatical not knowing if you’re alright. Because I don’t want you to be alone for this.”
“So what, you’re going to drag me along a few states and then stay in Nebraska until I leave? Put me on a plane and then continue to Alberta? Are you insane?”
“Very.”
They stared at eachother for a while before breaking, Dennis leaning his forehead against the car door as he doubled over with hysterical laughter. Robby couldn’t help himself either, feeling truly insane.
“This is crazy.” Dennis wiped his eyes, sucking in the humid air. “Are you sure? I might be pretty boring to travel with.”
“Santos says you’re weird. I’d like to explore that side of you. If you’ll let me.” He prayed that Dennis wouldn’t take offense to it, or, God forbid, take it as sexual in any way.
But he just laughed again. “Thanks, Trin.” He paused, wrapping his knuckles against the door. “You’re really serious? You would detour your trip? For me?”
“Look, kid.” Robby sighed. “Take it from someone who also would drop dead before he accepted help. Please, let me do this. For you, and for me.”
Dennis bit down on his lip so hard it looked like it hurt. “Okay.”
“Yeah?”
“I guess so.” He nodded, wiping away a few stray tears. “I’m buying the ticket for my flight home, though. And you’ll let me take you to dinner or something. Even though I can never repay you for this—”
“Stop.” Robby cut him off. “You will repay me by coming back here. Deal?” At Dennis's sheepish nod, he kept going, afraid that he would lose complete control of himself if he allowed Dennis to keep talking. “Call the hospital, tell them you are taking a week for a family emergency leave, I’ll email an approval. On the way there, we can look at flights back to Pittsburgh, but tonight, focus on getting some rest. Hydrate again.” He rattled off his instructions.
“When would we leave?”
We. Robby’s heart soared at the sound of it. “I’ll be here at six A.M sharp.” He put the truck back into drive. “Sneakers are great, but also pack boots if you’ve got any.”
“I was raised on a farm, Robby. Of course I have boots.” He stepped away from the truck. “I really can’t believe this… See you in the morning, I guess.”
“Six A.M sharp.” He repeated.
“I got it.” He smiled, and Robby watched him turn around and head into the building, waiting until he was completely out of view before driving off.
The ride back to Robby’s was a blur, and he desperately needed to rest up. Now that Dennis was joining him, he couldn’t risk not being wide awake for the drive. So as soon as he made his way inside, he took a quick shower, guzzled down a glass of water, found the nicest black collared shirt he owned, and added it to his packed bags. He turned the TV to a random channel and collapsed into bed.