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He should feel happy. He should feel relieved. He should be glad. They managed to save up enough Gil from their last hunts to stay at a hotel without the feeling of financial guilt looming over any of their heads- even if said hotel was ‘only' the Leville. Anyone would be glad to have a comfortable bed and roof over their head after spending the last week out camping.
Only Prompto did not. He lies in his bed, freshly washed pyjamas on, (thanks Iggy!) and cuddled up to his best friend- no, his boyfriend. His boyfriend whom he’s sworn to protect and who is also on his trip to get married for the sake of peace. Yeah, Prompto should be happy, but he cannot fully bring himself to feel it.
Well, maybe he’s not depressed per-se, nah. He’s not going to lie to anyone, he is definitely happy for the hotel, comfy bed, warm food and all. Only this nagging urge at the back of his head just won’t leave him alone. It’s easier ignoring it when he’s exhausted from hunts or just running around taking pictures, but here, just lying in bed wide awake? Shit, it’s hard.
He tries to think of any reason that could explain why the nagging just will not leave him alone for tonight. He runs a hand over his thigh, tracing patterns in his trousers, sighing as it relieved some of the itchiness there- ah, right.
His scars, from about a week ago when the urge just wouldn't leave him alone and he had to give in or else he really wouldn’t have slept a wink that night! They’re finally out of the – I'll make your thigh hurt with every step you take- phase and have now entered the – but now ill make your life living hell with the unbearable itchiness every time anything just lightly grazes me! phase.
Prompto sighed quietly, that was the cause for the nagging urge, his past scars were close to healing, close to being just faint read lines over his pale freckled thighs. No, he had to better himself, he cannot keep doing this. What would the others think if they found out?
He was already the black sheep of the group, not from royalty whatsoever, not well spoken, not buff , not a fucking prince- he cannot give the others another reason as to why he should not be on this trip, why they should just dump him at the next gas station and drive off, never to be seen again.
That’s precisely the reason as to why he chose his thigh over his arms, he just loves his vests he spent hours and hours on end sewing patches onto too much to just not wear it. Sure, he could just wear a long sleeve or whatever- but he hates the feeling of the fabric on his arms mixed with the material of his best, sue him!
With a quiet groan Prompto got off the bed, making sure to be as quiet as a baby chocobo as to not wake the others. He padded over to the adjoining bathroom of their room closing the door quietly. His eyes quickly locked onto his pouch where he kept various hair products, his toothbrush and toothpaste, floss – and his pocket knife. The one he got from his adoptive father during the early years his adoptive parents were still at home more than not.
With a soft humm, Prompto sat down on the tiles, the cold sensation putting a small smile on his face- Lestallum was fucking hot! He then wriggled out of his trousers and flipped the blade of the pocket knife up.
Looking down at his thigh he saw the lines there, scattered all the way from his hip to almost his knee. Prompto rubbed his palm over them a few times, trying his hardest not to moan at the instant relief he felt as he itchy sensation lessened.
Having come down from his high, he looked at his blade one more time before putting it to the flesh of his thigh. He’s starting on the inside of his thigh where almost no scars were.
Gritting his teeth, he slid the sharp blade over the skin a few times, four straight horizontal lines, before quickly pulling on both sides with his fingers to split the cuts a little more. He watched the first few droplets of blood spill from the cuts and instantly, that nagging urge in his mind calmed down.
Once all four lines had droplets of red needing from them, he moved to the next spot like clockwork. He gasps as he slices through his flesh a few more times, that’s why he prefers the outside of his thighs, much easier to get deeper cuts without putting too much pressure.
Ah, but who is he kidding? Prompto grumbles at his thoughts, pulling at the next cuts to watch the deep red liquid pool out of them. He never goes further than mere cat scratches. It’s not like he doesn’t want to go further- he just can’t. Cant bring himself to just put a bit more pressure, angle the blade just a little different- he can’t.
And to be fair, he’s a gunslinger, he doesn’t have to slice enemies open- doesn’t even have to get that close to them. Hell, he doesn’t know how Iggy does it. Just the thought of actively slicing through skin- his skin, ugh, that makes him truly nauseous.
So that’s why for the past, he doesn’t even know how long it has been since he started this.. Thing. Ever since he started then, he has never cut deeper than cat scratches.
To be fair, he doesn’t want to kill himself, no no, he just wants to feel like he can accomplish stuff! Other than drain their whole storage of restoratives that is. And cat scratches, well, they heal rather quick and usually don’t leave deep scars. That’s why this is such a routine, that’s why he isn’t shedding tears from the pain or the mere fact that hey, he’s repeatedly cutting into his skin right now-
He has done this so many times now, cut, pull, wait and watch, move to the next spot. It’s a real routine, maybe a hobby even! Other people read, some like to cook, others sleep a shit ton- and Prompto, well he cuts his flesh every week.
Getting frustrated with the fact that most of his cuts don’t even break skin, Prompto moves to the outside of his thigh. He presses the point of his blade into the skin, pulling up up up- multiple times. He smiles lightly, yeah, that’s it. He doesn’t even need to pull to see blood on the outside, but he still does, something about seeing that tiny split in the skin does something to him. He doesn’t like thinking about slicing himself up, sure, but that small, tiny bit is okay to him.
Makes him feel like, yeah, I did that! I can accomplish things! See, I managed to split my skin a little, look at the blood there!
Prompto was just working around his already healing scars, he'll wait for them to smooth over a little more before adding new ones, when suddenly the door to the bathroom opened and a still half asleep prince walks in, scratching his stomach while stifling a yawn.
Prompto freezes, hand with the blade dropping to his lap as he eyes the prince walking up to the toilet- relieving himself.
“mhh, hey Prom, whatcha doin' up...?” Noctis mumbled as he tucked himself back into his pants and padded over to the sink to rinse his hands.
“uhhh just sittin, s'pretty damn hot in the room!” Prompto chipped back, he didn’t really need to act like he wasnt just in the process of making his thigh look like a cat danced the tango on it- like he said, it’s his hobby.
Noctis hummed and was about to retreat from the bathroom when his hand stopped over the door handle, the Prince’s whole body froze as he craned his head back to look at Prompto- who was staring back at the best friend- boyfriend- whatever.
They stayed like that for what felt like ages to Prompto.
Noctis stared at Prompto, sitting on the tiles of the bathroom, trousers pooling at his knees, a slightly bashful expression on his face, pocket knife in hand and clearly fresh wounds littering his thigh. They didn’t fight any Coeurls right, yeah he’s sure of that, then again those cuts are way to small to come from such a bea-
Noctis' eyes widened when the dots finally connected in his half asleep brain and he basically threw himself to the floor next to Prompto.
“Prompto! What the hell?!” Noctis said loudly before a familiar hand was clamped over his lips. He stared at his blonde boyfriend with wide eyes, watching as that freckled face he adored so much blushed a shade of pink he usually loved to witness, just maybe not when he just caught said boyfriend slicing up his legs.
“Shhh Noct! Shush, please, I don’t want to wake the others up-“ Prompton said calmly all though he turned his face away as his embarrassed blush spread. He then dropped his hand from Noctis' mouth, fiddling with the knife in his hand.
“what? Why?! We’ll have to get you a potion to heal those cuts, Ill ask Iggy-“
“No! Noct, I’m serious, I don’t want them to know- hell- I don’t want you to know either!-“ Prompto groaned even though he slumped against his boyfriend, breathing in that familiar scent.
“.. Why, Prom..?” Noctis questioned, wrapping and arm around his boyfriends shoulder. With his other hand he then grabbed the small knife out of Prompto's hand. He put it to the side and then intertwined their hands.
“... I dunno, it’s stupid, really.” Prompto mumbled quietly, resting his cheek on Noctis' shoulder.
“Nah, not stupid if you’re doing this to yourself. Now, out with it, you trust me don’t you? I promise I won’t tell the others, I just want to help my chocobutt.” Noctis smiled softly.
“Not'a chocobutt..” the other mumbled before letting out a sigh. “I just... Jeez man... Could’ve given me some notice, got no idea how to explain this mess.”
“can we just pretend this never hap-“
“Nope”
“alright..”
“Uhm so... Son of a.. Okay! I do this because well- you guys are all good at something! Iggy can cook master chef level dishes out of a can of tuna and some stale bread- Gladio is fucking buff as hell and I SWEAR he gets all the girls' eyes on him whenever we go anywhere. You’re a prince for six' sake! And then there’s just lil ol' me, some pleb who got stuck with the Prince of Lucis and who uses up all the restoratives in a 50 mile radius of himself, making the other people he’s with be in pain until they are able to buy more-“
Prompto let out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding after his rant, not lifting his head off of Noctis' shoulder.
“-And, theses scars and stuff, when they’re healing and I look at 'em, remind me that hey, I did accomplish something..” he added quietly.
Noctis was quiet for a moment, breathing softly and stroking his thumb over Prompto’s knuckles.
“For the record, I think you’re awesome.” The prince said after a while.
“I mean, yeah, sure you’re not royalty or anything, but I still love you exactly because you’re not. You never nag me about etiquette or how saying a curse word is ‘not proper for the prince and therefore future King’. I love you because you make me laugh with your stupid jokes. I love you because of the pictures you take like a sneaky cat without anyone noticing. I love you because you would never deny me a night full of junk food and video games.”
“Prom, I love you because you’re you. You know how many people tried to be friends with me in school, shit dude, they were all so fucking fake-“ Noctis groaned at the memories, burying his face in the tuft of blonde hair on his boyfriends head.
“Dude- you mean all that-?” Prompto asked in a shaky tone
“Hell yeah man, pinky promise with a cherry on top mean it” Prompto laughed, turning his head into Noctis' chest to stiffle his laughter.
They stay like that for a long moment. Prompto nuzzled against Noctis’ chest with Noctis breathing in the comforting scent of one of the most important people in his life.
Noctis moved his hand down, brushing over too warm skin. The blonde jumped slightly as his old and fresh cuts alike were touched.
“Shit, it’s so warm.. Do they still hurt?” Noctis asked, questioning about the healing cuts.
“Nah, just itch like'a bitch” Prompto giggled.
“So that’s why you were rubbing at your thigh all day, I was worried “ Notis commented absentmindedly.
“ah.. You noticed, huh...” the other whispered, a slight embarrassed note in his tone at obviously not being as slick as he thought.
“... You should clean up, I wanna go back to bed and snuggle my favorite chocobutt~” Noctis said with his lips pressed against Prompto’s forehead in a makeshift kiss.
Noctis then stood up, beckoning Prompto to sit on the toilet lid as he went onto the disinfect the fresh scars, gently removing the dried blood. Once he was done with that he trashed the tissues used and grabbed his body lotion, spreading it over the older scars to hydrate them.
“hopefully they won’t be as itchy now” he mumbled, massaging the lotion into Prompto’s skin, completely oblivious to the tears which were pooling at the blondes waterline.
Last thing he did was help Prompto carefully slide his trousers back up, patting his butt after he was done with that. Prompto now had a blush on his cheeks once more, facing Noctis who was leaning in for a kiss. Turning his head last second, Noctis' lips only made contact with Prompto’s chin, earning a chuckle from the blonde and a groan from the raven.
Prompto gently grabbed Noctis' hand though, placing a soft kiss on his cheek.
“thank you, Noct... For everything, really.”
Noctis smiled at his boyfriend, he was one lucky prince huh. “no worries, this is what a boyfriend is for, no?”
“yeah, that and a snuggle partner, come on His Sleepiness, time for bed”
Noctis wasn’t going to let himself be told that twice, letting Prompto drag him back into bed and snuggle close to his chest, head tucked under Noctis' chin.