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As Chanse followed Tommy up to his apartment, he slipped his hand gently into his, not wanting to frighten him. Despite the buildup of it all, this whole thing was still very new for them.
This was the first time they were hanging out, romantically, after Tommy asked him to come home with him (not like that.) After the rough day he’d had and the love confessions that had spilled out following all of that, the only thing both men wanted was just some time alone together.
After dropping all of their stuff next to the door, Tommy pulled Chanse over to the couch, quickly curling up next to him and nestling into his neck like a cat. Chanse giggled at the cute blonde as he placed an arm around and pulled him in even closer. He rubbed his shoulder lovingly and buried his nose in his hair, smelling his teakwood shampoo. He heard Tommy release a relaxed exhale, and Chanse couldn’t help but smile to himself, thinking that part of that reaction came from his presence laying here and holding him.
After a few sweet moments of silence, Tommy peeled himself away slightly so that he could look at the younger man, both of them finding it funny that at this angle Tommy had to look up at Chanse when it was normally the other way around.
“Chanse, can I kiss you again?” Tommy whispered adorably. Chanse smiled down at him, booping his nose with his pointer finger.
“Of course,” Chanse replied, placing a soft kiss on his forehead as a warmup. “Whatever you want, Tommy.” Tommy full tooth grinned at that response as he leaned up to catch Chanse’s lips in a sweet, chaste kiss. They both eyed each other hungrily as they pulled away; they knew they wanted a little more.
Tommy sat up and launched himself at the smaller man, hoping that he could take it. And take it he did; Chanse greedily welcomed the more intense kiss and body contact. He especially welcomed the slight nibble on his bottom lip, a sign that Tommy wanted to deepen the kiss. And if Tommy was okay with it, who was Chanse to say no to that. (He would probably let Tommy take him right here and now on the couch if he wanted it.)
Chanse kissed him back with the same, if not more veracity, than he was, pulling the taller man onto his lap. He just wanted him closer, and Tommy seemed to want that just as much as he did, as he felt strong fingers make their way into Chanse’s caramel brown curls. It made him moan into Tommy’s mouth, riling him up as he pulled him even closer than before. He reached up, slipping his hand up into Tommy’s bleach blonde hair, not intending to pull on it, but when Tommy turned his head to the side for a moment, it caused him to tug on it harder than he had intended.
Chanse felt him tense up suddenly, mouth and tongue no longer engaging in their activities and the grips he had on his body felt almost limp. Chanse instinctively loosened his grip on him as well, opening his eyes as he watched Tommy’s fly open too.
“Stop! Stop! Please!” Tommy exclaimed as he pulled his lips off of him and crawled off Chanse’s lap, tears now streaming down his face. Chanse couldn’t tell if they had just started or if they had been there all along without him knowing, and that last option made him feel awful. He immediately let go of Tommy and backed away to give him space.
“I’m stopping, I’m off.” Chanse replied, holding his hands up for Tommy to see. That was when Chanse saw that Tommy wasn’t looking in his direction as he spoke.
“No, no I don’t want this!” Tommy cried at a figure that he could clearly see in his mind but wasn’t there and appeared to be standing slightly behind Chanse. Tommy was not looking into Chanse’s eyes; he would know if he was. No, his eyes and really, his mind was somewhere else. And while he didn’t want to scare him, he felt that he owed it to Tommy to help bring him back to reality since he had caused this somehow.
“Tommy, it’s okay.” Chanse stated in a soft, comforting tone that was still loud enough for him to hear and latch onto. “He’s not here, I am. It’s Chanse.”
“I never said yes, why’d you force yourself on me?” Tommy shrieked while sobbing. Chanse, having realized that speaking might have helped him last time, decided that he might need a new tactic. He had a feeling that physically touching him might just trigger him more, so instead Chanse slid one of his own metal bracelets, which was very similar to Tommy’s, off of his wrist and carefully placed it in his palm.
“What?” Tommy asked as he felt the cold, yet calming, metal hit his skin. He blinked rapidly, spilling even more tears that he didn’t realize had fallen. As the blurring of his eyes faded, he locked in on the face of a different man. Not the one that had assaulted him years ago in a Denny’s, but the man who had seen him through multiple flashbacks, and that was just today. “Chanse?”
“Hey Tommy.” Chanse replied sweetly, extending his hand to him as an invitation like he had done earlier that day. Tommy quietly took it, interlocking their fingers and scooting closer to him. “How are you feeling?”
“I-I don’t know.” Tommy stammered out, trying to catch his breath. Chanse noticed this and started doing a similar breathing pattern to the one that Anthony had shown him earlier. Tommy followed, quickly getting his bearings back under him again. “I think I had another flashback or something while we were making out and I-“His eyes widened in panic as he took Chanse’s other hand. “Did I hurt you? Physically or emotionally or anything? I don’t remember how I reacted in the moment to eve-“
“Tommy, that doesn’t matter right now.” Chanse replied, squeezing his hand reassuringly. “What matters is how you are doing and figuring out what triggered that flashback so that I never do that again.”
“But that feels like blaming you for something that’s not your fault and I hate that- “
“Well, I care more about you being okay than what is and isn’t my fault, Tommy.” Chanse explained, slightly heated. He took a breath, knowing that responding to him slightly angrily wasn’t going to do either of them any good. “Now, I’d like to hear about what was happening in your head there baby, but if you don’t want to, that’s fine. We can just go back to cuddling again or whatever you want. But if you’re open to it, I wanna talk about it.”
Tommy nodded, taking a deep breath as he brushed one of his fingers over Chanse’s knuckles, playing with his hands like a stress toy. He looked back at him cautiously.
“Okay, If you’re really okay with hearing all of this.” Tommy muttered.
“Of course, I am.” Chanse replied. “Whatever happens here with us, Tommy, however it all goes and how long it takes, I’m all in. I wanna know as much as you’ll let me, so I can love and support you however you need.” Tommy’s eyes watered slightly, squeezing his hand again at the sweet sentiment.
“You really have no idea how much that means to me, Chanse. Thank you.” Tommy responded, a single tear making its way down his face. He leaned in and placed a sweet kiss on the younger man’s cheek. “So, I guess when I turned my head while your hands were in my hair, it pulled a bit, which isn’t your fault or anythi-”
“I know that, Tommy.” Chanse interrupted.
“Okay, well, I guess it reminded me of that night again, specifically when he forced his tongue down my throat. I tried to pull away from him multiple times, but I just couldn't because he had such a tight grip on my hair. So, I guess the accidental hair pull took me back there.” Tommy explained timidly, struggling to make eye contact. Chanse carefully reached forward, and tilted his chin up to look at him, wiping a few of his tears away in the process.
“Thank you for sharing with me, I can tell that it took a lot for you to do that.” Chanse started. “Has that happened to you before? Having your hair pulled and reacting that way?”
“No, mostly because I haven’t had a partner do that very often, and if they have, it must not have triggered me then.” Tommy mumbled out, embarrassed.
“Then I’m not gonna do it again, I don’t wanna risk it hurting you like that again. Even if it was only because you already had a flashback today and it was top of mind, I'm not gonna chance it.” Chanse explained. Tommy frowned at him slightly; Chanse already knew what his response was going to be. “And I know you think it’s unfair or whatever, but your safety is more important than anything to me, okay?”
“What if I want you too? I think I would be okay with it if my eyes were open and I could see and know it was you.” Tommy asked nervously.
“Then we can work through that, but that’s entirely up to you. But I'll never do that spontaneously.” Chanse stated, wrapping an arm around the taller man and pulling him closer. “So, while I don’t think we’re going to get hot and heavy tonight, is there anything else you know that could trigger you that I should know? Any boundaries you wanna set?” Tommy shook his head, before laying it on Chanse’s shoulder.
“Not that I can think of right now.”
“Okay, but just know that you can always tell me to stop, call a pause or something. For any reason, okay? If something is even slightly triggering or just feels wrong, you can always tell me no.”
“But-”
“Nope, no buts. Consent is, first of all, always sexy and super important, but especially when someone has a history of sexual assault. So, I'm not going to let you think that you have to just go along with or ‘get over’ something just to please me. That’s not how this works.”
“Okay.” Tommy replied, more tears starting to fall as he pulls Chanse into a deep hug. “Thank you, Chansey. For understanding, for being here and just, e-everything!” He pulled away for a moment to look right at him. “I-i love you.”
Chanse was almost speechless for a moment. He knew that it seemed like it would be too fast for them to say this, but they had both known each other for a while before. It did not seem to be out of left field for either of them to say, but he still sat in the silence for a moment.
“S-sorry, that was probably too soon to say, you don’t have to say it back or anything but-”
“No, don’t worry, I was just processing it. I love you too, Tommy. I really do.” Chanse replied. Both men smiled brightly at each other as soon as the last sentence left Chanse’s mouth. And seconds later, that mouth met Tommy’s in another passionate kiss. After pulling away, Tommy laid his head back on Chanse’s shoulder and took a deep breath.
“Sooo... do you wanna stay here tonight?” Tommy asked, slightly seductively even though they both knew that they probably wouldn’t be doing that tonight.
“Of course, baby.” Chanse exclaimed, placing a kiss on his forehead and passing him the TV remote. “Now why don't you pick something for us to watch before bed?”
Tommy nodded, taking the remote from him and scrolling through Netflix for a few minutes before landing on the title card for Dance Moms, which he had already watched four times through all the way.
“This okay? I know most people don’t like it and-”
“It’s all good with me, Tomey. If you wanna watch it, I’m down.” Chanse replied. Tommy smiled back up at him as he put it on and settled back into his cuddling position with Chanse. He took another relaxed breath as he glanced at him.
“I’m glad we did this.” Tommy sighed out.
“Me too, baby.”