Chapter Text
Scary liked to say that she didn't remember her dad, and that was pretty much true.
I mean, like, could you even say you remembered somebody if you probably couldn't pick them out of a line up? No, right? Like that was just the residue some people left on you. Barely even memories. Not even worth the bloody chunks of her dark and twisted brain that they were electrically imprinted on.
So— she didn't remember him.
She didn't know his name. She didn't know the colour of his eyes, how he took his coffee, like anything, nothing important.
And it was fine, and it was normal.
Well, normal in a really cool, twisted kind of way. Like other people's worst day ever, and it was just like her Monday or something. Not even a Monday- Monday was a day, like people talked about Monday, they dreaded it. Linc talked about Mondays all the time, although that seemed like more of a Garfield thing than something that was like, part of Linc inherently.
The kind of fucked up, evil normal that her boring stupid not-memories of her dad didn't even qualify for. He was a Thursday, nobody gives a shit about Thursdays. It's not like the premium free kick, joy-ride of FridaySaturdaySunday. Not the hesitant hopeful, glass half full Normal shtick of Wednesday 'hump day'. Not even mostly-unremarkable-except-for-Taco-Tuesday.
He was a dismal, dreary Thursday, and not in the good way.
And it was good, she was fine, thanks for asking Terry Jr. It didn't matter who her dad was, because she didn't need a dad. She had a mom.
Sure, her mom had betrayed her and herself by going out and dragging Terry Jr back home with her like a cat with a very pathetic mouse. Even though her mom was the one who told her that they didn't need a guy. That they just needed each other.
So fine. That was a lie.
Clearly she didn't need Scary anymore. Which worked out great, because Scary didn't need her anymore.
So everything was fine, and everyone was doing just fine. Except Scary, who was doing terrible but not in that stupid weepy weak way. She was just super tormented and deep.
Her phone vibrated again. She flipped it face down on the desk, covering the cracked and chipped screen, which had been lighting up with infuriating persistence since about 12 minutes into math class. She hadn't silenced it because she didn't care, and she was only flipping it over so that everyone in class could see how sick her case was.
Much like her the case had started it's life glittery and pink.
She had cast it off for the sin of not being goth enough a couple months back, but decided recently that nothing was more goth than corrupting something preppy and pretty. So she had taken a lumpy tube of black acrylic paint and painted a gnarled looking face on the back, she left the smile wide and gaping with sick pointed teeth and given the eyes slit pupils. The glitter beneath was grubby and scribbled with red sharpie, like the inside of the creature was sparkling and bleeding out in some kind of gruesome display of corrupted innocence.
It really represented her.
So she was showing it off, in a cool nonchalant move that had nothing at all to do with the fact that her phone was buzzing again.
The teacher, Mrs Jellykelly, had been shooting her pointed looks intermittently since her phone had buzzed for the third time, and seemed just barely placated by the fact that Scary wasn't even looking at her phone.
It would have been a constitutional miscarriage of justice to give her a detention for being too popular for school. Some real evil shit.
She felt a familiar pair of eyes burning into the back of her skull and she was sure that Normal was shooting her a look, that dweeb.
She tried to focus on the paper in front of her. Her doodle of a writhing mass of teeth, eyes and tentacles (three of the coolest things you could doodle in class) was sprawling lazily out from the center of the page, eating letters and numbers alike as it grew, ever-more ravenous.
It was so fucking metal. She imagined the math sheet as a field of terrified little people running for their lives.
Snap.
There went 4, her husband 3 and child 1, left devastated by her unfortunate passing.
Crack.
3 was eaten next, a new tentacle sprouted from his grave.
Pop.
At least the child wasn't alone for long.
She felt something hot and thick crawling up her throat. She pretended it was a tentacle. That she was the creature devouring families, children, mothers, fathers whole.
***
The phone buzzed three more times before the bell rang. As soon as it did she scooped everything off the desk and into her bag in one fell swoop.
It was lunch time. She was up and out of the door before most of the posers back there managed to even get their jackets back on. She set off at a clip, it would be best to handle this in the bathroom. Away from certain prying eyes. She would need to move fast though.
Speaking of prying eyes.
"Hey! SCARY! Wait up!" Came the chipper, preppy, fucking annoying voice of Normal from way closer than she would have expected. Damn his cardio.
In spite of herself she waited up. It was the easiest course of action, not because she wanted to or anything. But because Normal had like negative points in tact and social awareness and he would have happily skipped after her yelling her name for the next 20 minutes if he had to.
He had done it before.
It was easier to save herself the embarrassment of being yelled after by Normal.
"Hey! Scary," He beamed up at her, he was headless today, mascot outfit stuffed in secret corner that he insisted was safe from the reaching hands of Chaparral. His mom and dad had banned him from wearing it more than two days a week, something about the smell and making friends.
Sounded like bullshit to Scary, parents were always trying to water you down.
Sure, Normal smelt awful and looked stupid in that costume, but he looked dumber out of it. He was gnawing at his already cracked and bloody lips, like an anxious beaver or something. And everyone here already knew him as the freaky mascot kid. Might as well let him hide in his smelly turtle shell.
"You waited!"
He sounded way too happy over something so dumb. She decided to turn around and keep walking. She wasn't walking slower or anything, but if she was it was only because she was tired from that boring-ass math class.
"So, how about that class, huh? Miss Jellykelly sure knows how to make a differential!" He was still smiling at her, she could feel it, burning into her skull. "Get it? Like making a difference, but differential, it's a math pun."
Her eyes still felt hot. She forced out the most deadpan chuckle she could manage, hoping the perceived slight would make him quiet, maybe make him go away without making him get that stupid slump in his shoulders he always got when she was too mean to him. When she was cruel.
Her phone buzzed and she felt it where a book was pressing against her back. She jolted at the feeling and felt something panicky and sick welling up again.
"You alright, Scary?" He asked, squinting his stupid eyes at her like he was trying to scoop out her brain with an vegan ice-cream scoop, which was just like a regular ice-cream scoop except fake. She turned her head away from him and tried not to make eye contact. She decided ignoring the question was the safest option.
Usually she would make a comment about never being okay, and that being her cross to bear. But- Normal was way too genuine, and every single time she did that, he would try and dig in further.
Safer to avoid. He squinted one more time at her before breezily continuing.
"I know you're not much of one for math, but you were distracted more than usual in class. Usually you put up your hand a few times at least to tell the teacher that:" He straightened his back and tried to flop a chunk of his hair over one eye.
Given that it was several degrees curlier than she let hers get any more and way shorter- it didn't cover his eye the way hers did. Instead it sprang up, leaving him with a half-hearted clump of curls on his forehead. That didn't stop him from letting loose his truly heinous impression though.
"I don't need math, I already know that nothing adds up anyway. The world's a scam." He made his voice raspy and rolled his eyes as he did so. He looked so stupid she couldn't help the slightly hitched exhalation from escaping her. It felt, not good, but maybe better. The not-laugh made him light up even more. Then he dropped his voice even more raspy and said "I'm Scary, and I don't see why I should have to learn about numbers other than negatives, because that's all there is in the real world."
She couldn't help it, she exhaled again. Her breath unstuck from her throat and her heart stopped juddering. He literally lit up, and she huffed. She needed to distract him or they were going to get caught in a vicious cycle of his stupid jokes and her inbuilt need to mock dorks by laughing at them. She punched him in the shoulder and rolled her eyes.
"I do not sound like that."
He punched her back and rolled his eyes "I don't sound like that." He rasped.
"Seriously Normal, You're making me sound like a smoker or something, like an old man with throat cancer." She couldn't help herself smiling at him slightly, pre-emptively amused by what she was about to do. "At least I don't sound like this." She flipped her hair out of her face and tucked in her shoulders.
"Aw jeez, I sure do love math, but it's hard to learn about negative numbers when everything at this school is just so positive!" She squeaked out, beaming dorkily, just like Normal.
"Well it's hard to be offended by that when it's true!" Normal chuckled. She rolled her eyes again, harder. Trying to make up for the smile she could feel stubbornly clinging to her mouth.
"Shut up, I just burned you, you just got hit by a flaming ball of fiery shade. You're devastated." She said, half-heartedly.
Normal staggered back and clutched at his chest. "Oh god, I've been hit. I'll never walk again. Tell my mom and dad I love them."
He fell to the floor and like the people-repellent he was, everyone around him automatically diverted. It was like the stream of the river around a stone. No that was lame. Like the flow of blood around a... not stone, fuck- a knife!
She stopped just in front of him and crouched down. If it had been a little earlier in their friendship then she would have been embarrassed, hiding under her hair and walking away.
But it wasn't. And besides, there was nothing lamer and less goth than feeling shame about what a dork did in front of posers. She was saving her mental energy for super edgy poetry.
She held out a hand for Norm to take and said. "Oh no. He's dead. I guess I'll have to go find Linc and Taylor to eat lunch with."
He sprung up like an inflatable man outside of a car dealership at the implication of being left out of the group. He didn't use her hand to get up. But, he slipped his greasy little palm into hers anyway once he was stood.
"I live! The power of the school spirit within me has revivified me! It's a miracle." He shouted, spinning in a circle. He tugged her after him as she did and she didn't bother stopping him.
Why his parents didn't see that trying to make Normal normal was a waste of time was anyone's guess. Might as well let him wear the creepy ass costume. Might as well be proud of their kid anyway. Or not. Scary didn't like actually care, but if they kept making Normal this upset she was going to have to fight them.
No one got to fuck with her lame-ass friends except her. That shit was proprietary.
"Yeah, yeah, you're the next coming of Christ." She set off again. And again, if it was any slower than she had set off originally it was because she was tired, and she could feel a stomach ache coming on, so, yeah. Not that it even mattered what speed she was walking at, really. With this limpet attached to her hand she was towing him along after her regardless of speed.
They walked, Normal chatting happily away and Scary not saying anything terrible to him.
It was almost nice. She felt like she might be getting better at this whole friends thing. His palm was getting steadily sweatier but it was still closer to almost nice than almost not nice. Overall not terrible. She was glad he hadn't asked if she was alright again. Thank god he got distracted by his own stupid joke.
God he could be such an airhead sometimes, like the Teeny costume his head was mostly teen spirit and polyester fluff.
***
After grabbing food they wandered over to a table with a column running through it. It was away from the windows and slightly too close to the bins.
Their table.
The smell wasn't great, but neither was Normal's (and honestly not Taylor's either) and she still hung out with them. The great thing about this table was it was defensible, easy to hold with fewer men than the good tables. As long as one of them got there before the cafeteria got too full they would all be able to sit there alone.
It wasn't surprising that Linc and Taylor were already sat there. Normal's dramatics had taken up a lot of prime queuing time, leaving them stuck in the slow moving crush of the middle.
Normal had let go of her hand somewhere during the ordering portion. It was fine. She didn’t care. It just made her aware of how sweaty his hand was, and now that sweat was making her hand feel cold.
It had given her plenty of time to think, which was unfortunately the last thing she wanted right now as her phone burned a hole in her bag.
The buzzing was muffled now, which made to harder to hear but also made her feel like every little noise and motion was the phone vibrating into her bones. She felt jumpy and stupid. And if it got worse then someone was going to notice. She just needed to stay chill.
They set their trays down and both sat. Scary picked up her little plastic cup of water and Normal said "Scary is freaking out and she won't tell me if she's okay." Oh, that bitch. She dropped her water, half surprise and half indignation.
He hadn't been distracted by the goofs! He was distracting her with the goofs so she wouldn't run off to the smelly bathroom. He had lured her in with a lack of probing questions, all so that he could ambush her with back-up. He could be so dark and devious under all that pep.
She felt something warm well up in her that might be pride over his manipulative maneuver. But mostly all she could feel was panic. Terrible, gnawing, burning panic.
A nosy Norm she could handle.
Linc on his own could be bought off with a shrug and something non-committal if paired with some eye contact and a shoulder pat.
Taylor though? Taylor was a fucking bloodhound. and based on the way Normal's words had perked his stupid pork pie hat from where it was tucked over his Switch 7: Inverse he had her scent. Fuck.
Deny! Deny! "I'm not ignoring my phone, I don't even have a phone." Fuck. They hadn't even brought up her phone.
Rookie move, Marlowe.
"It's broken. My phone is broken. I dropped it down a well."
Linc was furrowing his stupid brow and speaking gently. "Scary, you can tell us if something's up, we're your friends."
God what an asshole. She needed a pivot.
"I'm fine, Normal shit his pants." When denial didn't work- find a bus and throw someone under it.
"No I didn't?" He didn't even sound upset, just confused. She was so losing her edge. It was just like goth internet warned her, normie friends make you weak.
"Gross Normal, do you need a spare pair or something?" Linc was looking at Normal now, score! She was halfway there.
"No, because I didn't shit my pants" Normal was getting higher pitched now, Linc looked doubtful.
"That's exactly what someone who shit his pants would want you to think." Piped in Scary.
"If you shit your pants I have spare gym shorts in my locker." Offered Linc.
"I didn't shit my pants! You would be able to smell it Linc, and I wouldn't have come to lunch. She's trying to distract us!" Normal's voice had reached pitches previously limited to shitty coach whistles and tea-kettles.
They were now both back to staring at Scary. Fuck. Some buses just didn't know how to run people over anymore. Just her fucking luck.
"Scary you only get deflective like this when you're like seriously freaked out." Said Linc, like he knew her or something. He reached out a hand to her and held her arm gently where she was still clutching her tray. The warmth from his palm seeped into her skin and made her feel itchy. "Is something on your phone bothering you?"
"No." She snapped, feeling her voice crack as she did. Fuck. Fuck again, but with feeling this time. She was so screwed, it didn't take a master at perception to tell she was lying right now.
Linc and Norm exchanged a look that- much like a pet grave that already had a dead hamster in it- she tried not to dig too deep into.
Normal held his hands out like he was that homophobic guy from the bad dinosaur movies.
She resented both the reference and the implication that she was some kind of animal.
She felt trapped.
They were trying to crack her brain open and drain all her sick little secrets into the grates on the lunch room floor.
Not that she had secrets!
Normally this much attention would have her secretly preening but this wasn't the fun kind of concern, this was skin peeling, curious eyes boring into your soul questions. It felt like she was in a steel box. The air was too warm.
They were going to trap her here, make her answer. Make her talk about it when there was nothing to talk about.
It would have been manageable. Scary could brick wall with the best of the Gothic angst ridden teenagers out there, she could ride this out for one lunch time, and handle her shit after-school. Alone.
There was just one problem, she had made the same fatal mistake that so many therapists, owners of voice acting studios, and mall dojo senseis did.
She had taken her eyes off Taylor.
He cleared his throat with a stupid little hem and she twisted around to see that he was stood behind her, head tilted curiously as he held out her phone.
Her phone, which was not in her bag.
She could see the screen lit up from here.
She felt dread run like water down her back.
What was he reading? What did he know?
She didn't even know what the recent ones said.
He held out her phone to her, eyes curious and locked on her like she was more of a puzzle than a person.
"Your dad's texting you, Scary?"
She snatched her phone and turned to sprint away across the cafeteria.
Unfortunately this time she had made the mistake of forgetting about Linc.
She made it all of two feet before slipping on the water she herself had spilled. Linc reacted quickly and caught her into a half-bear hug, preventing her from crashing head first into the tiled floor. Ugh, lame. Let her get the concussion, it would save her from talking about this.
She tried to twist her way out, but he hung on, saying something calm and stupid. She didn't just feel like a cornered animal anymore, she felt like an animal with it's leg trapped in a bear trap- ready to gnaw it off.
She needed to get away.
She needed to gnaw her legs off and crawl out of the lunch hall.
"Scary, it's okay." Linc was talking to her, still calm, still even. Still a fucking liar, guess home-school with his fucked up dad's did teach him something after all. "It was fucked up of Taylor to look at your phone." No shit. Didn't need to tell her that. And she would tell him that, just as soon as she got her tongue unglued. "We're just worried about you. Please talk to us."
Oh he wanted to talk? She would show him talk.
"Linc, let go of me right now or I am going to tell the entire school that you pissed on my foot." She hissed venomously. "I will fucking ruin you, homeschool. You will beg your fucking dads to lock you back up in the tower by the time I'm through with you."
"No, you won't." He replied calmly. Oh- if she wasn't pissed before she sure as shit was now.
Who did he think he was? Assuming he knew what she was going to do better than her? She would. She could do worse.
"You won't because we're friends." What had she ever done to deserve that loyalty?
Nothing.
She was going to fuck him over. The sooner the better. The sooner she did it the sooner she could get used to being alone, disappointed looks. She could teach them a lesson they wouldn't soon forget. They wouldn't be so happy and trusting and fucking naive by the time she was done.
Taylor and Normal were in front of her now, Linc at her back. She was encircled by friends. Weird, lame, gross friends who stole her phone, and blackmailed her, and wouldn't let her leave.
"Scary it's okay." started Normal, hand on her shoulder. "We just want figure out what's wrong."
"Nothings wrong." She spat. "Just, my so called friends won't let me leave and stole my fucking phone."
"Bullshit," Taylor said, too loud for the situation. "You nearly had a freaking panic attack when your phone went off, and you won't talk to us! You love talking about your problems. And how twisted and metal they make you. So this has to be pretty freaking bad, Scary"
She flushed at that. "I did not. I don't care what's on my phone, it's fine. I just need to handle it, and I can do that alone."
"Handle it? What do you mean handle it?"
She wasn't sure who said that, they were all starting to blur into one amorphous blob of concern, BO, and arms.
"None of your fucking business! Let me go." She was getting steadily louder. People were starting to look over.
They were seeing her. Seeing her losing her cool.
That was worse. That was so much worse.
Her breathing started to hitch and everything got louder and smaller.
Linc could feel the hitch in her breath, feel her tremors start up.
Feel how weak she was being.
She hated it, she hated him for it.
***
The next few minutes passed in flashes.
Linc let her go. She couldn't get the breath in her to run.
She needed to be somewhere small, defensible. She needed to be safe.
There was a sweaty little palm in hers. Familiar.
Someone was towing her like the rusty old car she was.
There was warmth around her. Light touches, present and real but not trapping.
She was stumble walking.
They were out of the lunch hall. Her chicken nuggets were left behind.
That sucked.
She didn't catch her breath until a door opened and she smelt a familiar dank stench. Her muscles un-clenched and she flopped like a puppet with broken strings. Floppy. Wooden. Ready to be tossed. She would have dropped to the floor if not for the hands on her shoulders, hand, back.
If she had been more present she might have noted aloud just how many of her safe spaces smelt awful. How many of her safe, ugh, people smelt awful too.
It was going to give her like a complex. Maybe she would start liking Normal's atomic bomb vapors soon too. That would be so fucking gross.
As it was she just let herself be guided to the cleanest closed toilet in the smelly bathroom and buried her head in her free hand.
Normal was talking again. "Just breathe in for four." He took an exaggerated huff inward and let it out. "Hold for four, and out for four." He went back to that stupid panic attack breath thingy.
Which she didn't need. She wasn't panicking, so this couldn't be a panic attack.
Maybe, she would indulge him. Just to get him off her back.
She mimicked him clumsily and he rubbed her shoulder.
"Good, okay just keep doing that."
She nodded woodenly. Like the stupid broken puppet she was. She felt him stand up, hand still on her shoulder.
"Guys we need a plan here. This is seriously freaking me out." Ugh. Great, Normal. Just talk about her like she wasn't here.
She barely was anyway. Today fucking sucked, she thought somewhere through the static that made her want to cry.
Stupid, stupid Terry. Scary pushed her back down and went back to her stupid breathing.
Taylor piped up. "Okay, let's review what we know. Normal, status report!" Way to make talking about her embarrassing and terrible, Taylor.
"Uh, okay sure, yeah. So, we were in math class and Scary was being super quiet. Like- she didn't say anything broody or dark even though we were reviewing multiplication with negatives for use in quadratics. She was talking about two negatives being a positive and stuff. Usually all Scary needs is the word negative mentioned in math and she's scoffing, making sarcastic comments. Scary stuff." She watched him shrug helplessly.
She was not that predictable.
If anyone was predictable here it was these nerds.
Predictably dumb.
Shut up.
"That's not that weird though, what happened to-" Linc cut himself off and shrugged hopelessly at her.
She felt overinflated like a shitty balloon. The air was back in her but it was straining at her edges. The panic was ebbing away and leaving a deep abiding shame and despair behind it. Did she seriously just flip out over someone taking her phone? That was so embarrassing. She freed her hand easily from the lax grip it was held in.
She buried her head further into her hands and let out a loud screechy groan. Like she could vent all of her fucked up messy feelings into a noise. It didn't help, typical.
That didn't seem to persuade these three chucklefucks to abandon her in the stinky bathroom and go back to their cold tater tots the way she wanted it to.
Pity.
Taylor was talking again. "Come on guys, the cause is clear. Every time that thing" He was somehow holding her phone again, gesturing it around emphatically and cartoonishly. Fucking rogues- she had just had that in her pocket. "goes off, Scary looks like she's being electrocuted! Clearly the messages are to blame. Specifically!" He paused dramatically and right on cue the screen lit up with another blurry little block of text. "From her dad." There was almost more syllables put into the word dad than rest of the sentence combined.
Scary huffed out a halfhearted growl of frustration and swiped for the phone. "Gimme my phone back, Taylor."
Taylor danced out of her range dexterously. He waggled the phone even more as he talked "Not until you talk to us!"
In his little hopscotch dance Taylor had plopped himself square into Linc's grapple hug range. Normal plucked the phone easily from Taylor's hand as he began bickering with Linc from where he was being held firmly by the taller teen.
He handed it back to her silently, leaning against the cubicle door next to her. God. It would kill her to say out loud, but sometimes- only sometimes- Normal just got it.
They sat in silence for a moment, watching as what had begun as bickering morphed into wrestling, morphed into dancing, morphed into something altogether more homoerotic than either of those two activities.
Normal gave her a look, just as Taylor straddled Linc's shoulders and was caught by Linc when he started toppling ass over tea-kettle into the bathroom sink.
You want to talk about it? He asked, mostly with eyebrows and head tilts.
Maybe, she shrug eye-rolled back at him.
He held out his hand back out to her. God these nerds were touchy. She took his hand, and a deep breath and started talking. It wasn't like they were going to give up on this, not after her minor blip.
"You guys know that I, like, don't really know my dad right?" They all nodded, Normal squeezed her hand. She cleared her throat and forced the words up and out of her, like a hairball. Ugh, her metaphors got dumb when she was freaked out. Where was the metal emo wordplay she was famous for?
"Well sometimes, not for a really long time, but he used to kinda pop up?" They were all staring at her. Taylor still on Linc's shoulders like some kind of human Ratatouille. "And it's like not a big deal, I don't even really remember him, right? Right. Um, but this time I'm older and he's being kinda persistent? Like he got my number off somewhere and he wants to meet up. But, like, I'm not not interested in seeing him. But, I know what my mom would say- and maybe it wouldn't be worth it. But like, he's my dad. What if he could just be my dad? God that's stupid. I sound so dumb right now. And I'm freaking out over nothing!" She buried her face back into the available hand and wished what was left of her dignity goodbye. Not that she had much in front of these dweebs, not after the detention incident.
She felt Normal squeeze her hand gently, and she couldn't squash the stupid-little-girl-Terry thought that maybe some things were worth a little less dignity.