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Eleanor didn’t know why she woke up. She opened her eyes, and there was nothing perceptible in the room, no unusual sights, no strange noises coming from outside the door, no unnerving sensations or feelings. The night simply was.
And Eleanor simply was, too. I am lonely, she thought, but it was more of an observation than anything she felt a sense of urgency to do something about.
Theodora shifted in the bed beside hers. So Theodora was also awake. Eleanor frivolously wished something horrific would happen so that they’d have an excuse to share a bed. Theodora felt too far away like this. Eleanor longed for her warmth.
Maybe she was cold. Maybe that was this feeling.
“Nellie?” asked Theodora.
Eleanor’s heart skipped a beat. “I’m right here,” she said.
“I can’t sleep for some reason,” Theodora said. “I went to sleep just fine, but now I am wide awake.”
“Me too.”
Theodora shifted again. Eleanor couldn’t see her in the dark. She didn’t want to turn on any lights because that would make this real.
Theodora’s shadow sat up. She got up off of the bed and then moved to sit on the side of Eleanor’s.
“What are you doing?” Eleanor asked, afraid to hear the answer.
“Giving you what you want.”
“What I want?” Eleanor was confused. She didn’t remember asking for anything.
Theodora crept closer to her. Eleanor couldn’t see her face at all. There was just a hollow shape of a woman seated on her bed.
Theodora’s hand came up, pressing against Eleanor’s cheek. Her touch was cold and Eleanor flinched away from it and leaned into it at the same time.
Then Theodora leaned forward and her lips touched Eleanor’s lips. Even her lips were cold. Were lips supposed to feel cold? Eleanor wondered about it as Theodora’s lips opened, and her own lips parted to receive her.
Kissing felt pleasant. More than pleasant. It felt like it was warming up her body from the inside, like someone had lit a sun inside of her and its heat was illuminating the gardens of her soul. She fantasized that they were doing this in the little cottage of her dreams, hidden away in the oleanders.
Theodora kissed her down into a supine position.
Then Theodora moved even closer, crawling under the covers. She continued to kiss Eleanor, and Eleanor’s whole body was tingling now.
Theodora’s hand started wandering. First she touched Eleanor’s thigh, then her hand slipped under Eleanor’s nightgown, her fingers trailing across Eleanor’s skin. She pressed against the front of Eleanor’s panties, and Eleanor reached down and grabbed Theodora’s wrist, stopping her.
“No, it’s dirty,” Eleanor whispered.
“Then we’ll just have to put ourselves in the bath afterward,” Theodora murmured.
The front of Eleanor’s panties was wet already. She knew that Theodora could feel the wetness through the fabric. Theodora’s fingers were already dirty from Eleanor’s body. Theodora rubbed her a little, pressing into her through the fabric, and Eleanor gasped.
Then Theodora’s hand slid beneath the elastic. She was touching Eleanor’s bare skin now, touching that place that Eleanor refused to name. A shiver went through Eleanor, and she moaned.
Unconsciously, her legs fell open a bit, making room for Theodora’s hand.
Eleanor had never felt this sensation before. She hadn’t realized her body could feel this. Her heart pounded in her chest, and she kept twitching, almost overstimulated by what Theodora was doing with her fingers, but also craving it too much to try to get away from it.
Theodora moved closer, and her whole body was pressed up against Eleanor’s. Her mouth was on Eleanor’s mouth, her breasts against Eleanor’s breasts, both of their chests heaving from the excitement.
Theodora’s fingers were working some kind of magic down there.
Eleanor felt too hot, suddenly. Like she was burning up, her whole body a live flame beneath the covers, disintegrating into ash at any moment. Her breaths had grown erratic, her sense of reality condensed entirely down to her experience of this single moment.
The pleasure went to a crescendo. Eleanor’s body clenched around Theodora’s fingers like she was trying to keep them inside of her forever.
She let out a strange sound, and Theodora swallowed it from her mouth.
Gradually, the sensation faded. Theodora’s hand stilled, then she retracted her fingers from beneath Eleanor’s nightgown.
Put ourselves in the bath, Eleanor thought. She needed to go clean herself. There was wetness between her thighs. And Theodora’s hand was still dirty. They needed to go run a quick bath and get back into bed afterward, warm and clean.
The bath, she repeated to herself. The bath. In the shared bathroom. She needed to get out of bed and get into the bath.
Her body felt heavy and somehow distant from her. Theodora’s body beside hers was warm. She could hear Theodora’s breaths, feel them on her neck where they lay there together.
The bath could wait until morning.
Eleanor awoke to a cold bed.
She blinked her eyes open and the space where Theodora had fallen asleep beside her was empty. The other bed was empty, too, the covers unmade.
“Theo?” Eleanor asked.
Silence.
No one answered from either the room or the bathroom. And Theodora could not be in her own room—that was impossible. Where was she, then? Had the house finally taken her? Had Eleanor absorbed Theodora into her own body during the night in her desperation to feel someone else there with her?
The doorknob began to turn.
Startled, Eleanor sat up, clutching the blankets up to cover her nightgown.
The door swung open, and Theodora walked into the room.
“Oh, looks like you’re finally awake,” she said.
“Why’d you leave me?” Eleanor asked, feeling hurt.
“Because I wanted breakfast? Sorry, I know it breaks the doctor’s rules to split up but—“
“I don’t care about the rules. Why did you leave after doing all of that to me last night?”
“Doing all of what?” Theodora asked. She sounded genuinely confused. “We just went back to the room and slept.”
“You k-kissed me and touched me!”
“What are you talking about? Nothing happened last night.”
Had the person she had slept with been someone other than Theodora, like the time before with the hand-holding? A chill went through her; the thought was too horrifying to even consider. She felt herself beginning to unravel. She must reject the possibility outright.
Theodora regarded Eleanor with concern. Then her expression gradually relaxed into one of pity. She realized that Eleanor wanted her and she was flattered, but could not reciprocate.
“Nellie, I’m honored that you fantasized about me, but I already have someone else,” Theodora said, gently.
“The person you live with, I presume.” Eleanor was sullen.
“Yes. She and I are lovers. We’re having a bit of a tiff right now, but that doesn’t change the fact of the matter.”
Eleanor looked away.
“Let’s just put this behind us,” Theodora said. “Just another instance of Hill House toying with us. If it’s anything like the other times, we’ll likely forget about it by the time we next wake.”
Eleanor’s cheeks were red, smarting at Theodora’s rejection.
How could I ever forget? she asked herself. But she had a memory of thinking that before, though she could no longer remember what she had thought she would never forget. This house had a way of erasing the days which came before. Maybe it had been nothing after all. Maybe this would become nothing, too.