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Wang shou was a lot of things but one thing he was not was a fool, but his friend thought different. Why wang himself didn't know or he just didn't want to accept it.
He knew it okay he knew it he just wanted to buy he couldn't. Wang thought it could be saved but life is not fair to people like him. Universe gave wang the thing he was utterly scared to experience. Love
Just to snatch it away from his life the very thing he tried to resist with all his might but he was only a mere human not matter how hard he tried he was still made of flesh, blood and a heart that beats.
It was not a drastic change it was the little things wang noticed how chi cheng started to text him less , started coming home late , when chi came home he carried a scent of other person.
Their weekly date started to feel more like a chore a tedious but a necessary task. Still wang didn't complain he was happy he told himself. The stagnant phase will eventually end.
If only he knew what "this stagnant phase" will cost him. He was a fool to begin. He plunged headfirst into the ocean with no safety precautions.
He was fine he chanted it like a mantra in his head to make his heart understand it. But a treacherous part of his heart would hurt when chi cheng kissed him filled with passion and hunger, how he touched his body with a strange intensity as if he could brand his name there through sheer will.
Those rare memories were the only thing which gave him strength to continue whatever self destruction he has as doing to himself. His friend told him he was crazy for staying with chi after everything. Chi never named what they had.
His friend doesn't understand the dept of his love for chi cheng. Because all wang has left is his ocean of love for chi, wang was ready to drown and suffocate himself.
Sometimes wang wondered how pathetic he was, his friend tried their best to talk him down but he wasn't just ready. But will he when the time comes?
Wang was laying in his bed, when a drunk chi cheng entered the bedroom wang closed his eyes he could smell the alcohol on his boyfriend breathe.
Chi cheng started at him for a long time. Wang shou could feel his heart ripping he couldn't fantom the pain he felt.
Chi cheng eventually fell asleep. Wang opend his eyes and he felt a lump forming on his throat the tears started to blur his vision, the tears could not stop no matter how hard he tried it fell down like a pouring rainfall.
He turned around to see his face all he could feel was pain he stayed up all night thinking about his future which was unclear.
Wang shou knew he had to face the truth some day but he never thought it would come this fast.
All wang could do was stand his attention on them he could not register all the other stimulation in and around him. He has never seen chi cheng smile like that, his eyes so full of love,
he saw chi hands on someone who was not him.
He can't even remember when he marched towards the door and left the restaurant.
So he left and stayed at a motel, he was just staring at the ceiling getting lost in his thoughts when his phone pinged it was message from chi cheng asking if wang will be able to get to the restaurant for their weekly hangout.
Wang shou wanted to scream into the void break things, he wanted to ask what were they to chi but wang was scared hear his answer. He was coward he knew but he wanted whatever this.
Wang shou readily accepted whatever chi cheng gave him, like a pathetic person, like a dog waiting for his master.
He knew he was destroyed himself for what a relationship chi never bothered to name and he never dared to ask.
Now in every hangout the person was there chi was always glued to him. He was shuai bestfriend wu suo wei, he looked at them with pain shimmering in his heart and eyes.
Chengyu noticed it he knew whatever was going on between chi and wang shou it been going on for years. He could see it was hurting wang shou. Chengyu tried to pursued him to talk to chi about this but wang always scared.
To lose the only thing holding him together even if holding it might torn him apart he was not ready not yet.
Wang always waited for chi with patience and unconditionally love he showered him. But chi cheng never even met him half way so wang shou kept bleeding silently with his heart on his sleeve waiting.
One day wang kept thinking one day chi will meet him.
All of this thought shattered when he saw chi cheng and wu suo wei kissing
Wang felt universe was playing a sick joke with him he could not breath, the noise fading into the background all he could replay was chi kissing and looking at the person with so much love,
The damage was already done. Wang could not stay there any more so like he ran like he always did he was hurt he was betrayed he felt like dying.
But he couldn't face anyone not right now when he was in the verge of losing his mind. As soon as he reached their apartment all he could do was cry, the uncertainty, the hurt , the betrayal all came down crashing on him.
He was not enough he was never enough for anyone the self hatred reared it's ugly roots into his heart. He agreed why would even chi cheng stay with him he was not the smartest no the best looking, all he had was scars which he patched up to not look pathetic and a persona
He made to block all the ugly scars he had hidden in the dark part of his heart so he could appear like the sane person he was not.
He couldn't stay any more minutes in the place where in ever corner he looked held their safest sound and the memories he dare not think about.
He ran away to shield his heart to the place where he thought he would ever go back to. His old home.
He enters his old place it was exactly the same. Before the world became curel to him he went to his old bedroom. He laid on his bed and closed his eyes he was too tired to think he was numb.
All wang shou wanted to do was sleep.
Wang shou woke up with a jolt his eyes puffy his body aching but all he could think about how he kept waiting for something which was never meant to be. He laughed till he couldn't breathe properly.
He stayed at his old home for a month maybe more he kept ignoring messages from chi cheng and guo chengyu only telling them he had an emergency and had to go somewhere. Eventually he stopped messaging them.
He only returned to bejing when he felt he could rein in his emotions tightly and plastered a smile on his face. He saw them from the window he felt all the pain rushing back he wanted to run.
But chengyu saw him, he steeled his heart and smiled he met them. Before he could greet them he chengyu wrapped an arm around him. He frooze when chi cheng hugged him.
They laughed and talked about their college days. In the corner of his eyes he could see how chi cheng was holding wu suo wei hands. He felt his heart breaking before he would think further.
Wang shou couldn't take it anymore so he excused himself and left the cafe.
The pain eventually dulled but wang will always be haunted by what if's.
Everything shattered around wang and it was no one's but his mistake. His hopes for too high.
Only fools do what wang did only fools fall in love.