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The loamy smell of weed and the pungency of beer hit your nose sharply. You sat up, clutching silky black bedsheets to your chest. With no recollection of last night, or how you got into this castle-like room. Rubbing the sleep out of your eyes, you oogled at your surroundings. The wallpaper was an extravagant crimson and a shimmery gold touch. The only light in the room came from a crackling fireplace, burning low. Scooting to the edge of the bigger-than-king-sized bed, you swung your feet to the wool rug and wiggled your toes at the warm feeling.
The comforting feeling of the fuzzy rug mixed with the fire cracking had melted into you, burning the confused thoughts away.
Sinking into the carpet, you stood up and tried to balance yourself by grasping the wooden bedside table. Staggering to an upright position, you gathered the blanket around your cold and near-naked body. Whatever happened last night left you in just your undergarments, though you felt very cleaned and washed. Your hair and skin smelt like dark bergamot.
Peering around the room, you still had no memory of how you got in, you spotted your wallet on your table. Inside the wallet was your ID, stating your name and birthdate. Clasping your wallet in your hand, you headed to the door.
Two harsh and echoing knocks rang through the large room. “May I come in, my liege?” a consonant requested. Startled and clinging to the black sheet, you shakily replied with a yes. In walked in a bulky-looking man with a black executioner’s mask over his head. “You have been invited to speak with Mister Offdensen in the conference room, please follow me.” He boomed, bowing and gesturing to the hallway. Nodding, you pull the sheets into a makeshift dress and cross your arms over your chest protectively. ‘Who the hell is Offdensen? Whatever happened last night must’ve been bad enough to make me sleep in his fucking castle…’
The man lead you down a series of dark hallways, an elevator, a flight of stairs, and finally opened a door, It was brighter than most of the rooms he lead you in and more energetic. Five men surrounded a giant table, arguing, and a man in a suit tried to cut in between them to speak about a business matter.
“My lord, the guest from last night,” The man who led you here had called out, silence falling over the once lively room. , and you felt your entire body heat up from all of the strangers eyes falling over you. It felt like an anvil dropped into your stomach.
The man behind you left, shutting the door loudly.
“Ah, I sincerely apologize... that behemoth gave you no clothes, did he? We did have to disintegrate your old ones. I have some fresh ones right here in case that would’ve happened.” The man in the suit spoke up finally, walking towards your frozen state. Pulling out folded clothes from behind him, out of nowhere, handing them to you, and pushing his glasses up his nose with his index finger.
The man shows you a bathroom, which you change inside of. The clothes he gives you are an old band tee and baggy acid wash jeans which fit you perfectly. Walking out, the men who were yelling whenever you came in at first were now whispering amongst themselves.
“Ah, much better. Now... it would only be right to introduce ourselves and explain, hmm?” The man points to himself, guiding you to a chair at the end of the table next to a man with long brown hair. He has a twinkle in his eye. “I am Charles Offdensen. I am the manager of Dethklok, as well as their financial advisor.”
The man next to you beamed brightly whenever you took a seat, waving excitedly. “Hellos! I am Toki Wartooth and I think you ams very pretty!” He nodded at you as if this was a fact, swaying in his chair side to side as he picked your hand up to shake it.
Charles walked back up to the front of the table next to a very stern-looking man, who stared back at you with olive-colored eyes. Charles was about to speak, but a man across from you with vibrant red locs spoke up. The whites of his eyes were pink, and the smell of weed wafted from him strongly.
“Toki, quit trying to woo them they just woke up.” He shook his head, scolding Toki. “I am Pickles- and please don’t mind him.” He took a long swig of his crystal bottle, his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat.
Toki let go of your hand, standing up from his seat. “Ams not! I don’t ‘woo’, its was just a compliment!” He suddenly turned to you, panic evident on his face. “I did not means to make you feel uncomfortables!” You shook your head, waving your hand to dismiss it. “You're okay, I appreciate the compliment, thank you!”
“I thinks they ams lying to make you feels better” A blonde-haired man next to Toki began to tease. “Ja, looks at their face. Total fear. Toki you ams a total creepers!” You shook your head and began to laugh. “I am not creeped out stop it!” You almost snorted, placing a hand on Toki’s back to reassure the man who was close to crying.
“It ams okay, you can tell me if he is making you umcomfortablesk. My name is Skwisgaar Skwigelf, and I think we can get to knows eachothers a lot betters.” He reached for your hand and tried kissing it but you pulled away. “Okay, you are making me feel creeped out.” Toki let out a guffawing “Ha!”, pointing at Skwisgaar. Another man across from you scoffed. “Guys guys… why are we all flirting with them?” He accused, making Pickles, Toki, and Skwisgaar let out an alarmed “WHAT?”
He continued, “I mean, even I’m getting creeped out!” He smirked, a gap in his teeth becoming apparent. When he spoke, he had a heavy lisp.
“Oh shut ups Murderface! No one is flirting except for Skwisgaar! He flirts all the times with everyones and everythings!” Toki crossed his arms over his chest, a puff of air coming from his mouth.
The man at the front of the table finally spoke. “Yeah, he probably tries to charm himself in the mirror and forget it's himself… uh… I'm Nathan Explosion…” His eyes finally land on you, scratching the back of his neck. His voice was deep, and his hair was black and silky.
“Right!” Charles clapped his hands together and his eyes narrowed as he stared over all of us. “These are the guys, and the reason that we have you here tonight is that last night there was an accident.” Suddenly everyone started looking guilty, and Charles glared at the boys like an angry father.
“‘Someone’ wanted to do a laser light show, but the lights technician stepped out for a cigarette break and ended up sawing only you almost in half.” He finished.
Your jaw almost dropped to the floor. “How the fuck am I alive… walking even??” Frantically you grabbed your baggy tee shirt and saw the near-seamless stitching job circling your abdomen. It was brightly colored, and when you touched it, it felt like you were touching air.
“Well, Mordhaus has the best surgeons on the planet. You remember nothing of the last few weeks or months because you had a mild form of amnesia. And the reason you feel no pain, when you should be on life-support, is because of all of the drugs you are on currently.” Charles said matter-of-factly.
Toki had his hands over his face, in fear you would hit him because he was closest to you. Skwisgaar paid no attention, plucking away at his black guitar. Pickles and Murderface shared a bottle of Vodka. Nathan watched your facial expression carefully. “Usually, y’know, we don’t give a shit about anyone who gets hurt or nearly fucking killed at our shows cos it’s cool but I guess I felt bad.” Nathan shrugged it off like it wasn’t completely cruel. Charles continued his story. “We took your ID in your wallet and did research on you. You have no close family or friends, so we decided to take you in instead of letting you die at a Dethklok concert.”
As it all sunk in, Toki reached over and placed a hand on your back as you had done to him. “It will be okays, you can hangs out with me and Pickle. We play Uno a lot and bet on stuffs.” He gave you a wide grin. Murderface sat up in his chair. “Oh yeah! We could all play! Last time Skwisgaar bet his bed cos he was drunk and had to sleep on the floor for an entire month!”
“Ja… I had to have sex with ladies on the ground, it was very sads.” Skwisgaar sighed.
It wasn’t really hitting you that you were sitting in the same room that you had apparently gone to see last night, and got cut in half. And they were trying to cheer you up. Who was your favorite member even?
“Did it look cool?” Your head raised up to look at the lot. Nathan tilted his head. “Did what look cool?”
Murderface busted out laughing. He shook his head and leaned onto the table. “No! It was fucking disgusting!! All of your intestines spilled out onto the dirt and ground, and people started pouring beer on you, like animals!”
Nathan made an ‘o’ with his mouth as if he had just understood what you meant. “Yeah, it was fucking disgusting, totally brutal. You are so metal for going through that. You totally have beer inside of you now, like a human keg-stand.”