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Spider can't stop shaking.
Even though Jake stopped, even though Neytiri pulled him into her arms and accepted him, he can't shake off the fear that coursed through him.
The worst part is that he understood Jake's fear— he understood why he needed to die.
Part of him was okay with it. What sort of life could he live with the Sky People hunting him? Would he spend the rest of his life running? They'd study every inch of him, picking him apart piece by piece until nothing is left. He's not one of them anymore. He never was, truly, but he was still human. Now he's…what? He's not Na'vi, but can he still say he's human?
He's become something else entirely.
So, in that moment, he understood. Even if every cell in his body screamed at him to fight, or run, and the traitorous longing in his gut only thought of Kiri. Wished he had a chance to kiss her again, or say goodbye, and tell her not to be angry.
Then Jake stopped. And now Neytiri's taking him home, and he can't stop shaking.
She doesn't speak, but she keeps one arm secured around him tight. She can probably feel his trembling, but she doesn't comment.
At some point, he falls asleep. Neytiri nudges him awake with a whisper of his name as they cross into Awa'atlu's waters. Neyitiri flies them towards the Cove of Ancestors instead of the village, and Spider's stomach drops when he realizes why.
Half the village had been burned. Not all of it from what he can tell, thankfully, but enough for a lot of the clan to be affected. They'd be taking refuge at the Cove.
Neytiri lands them on the edge of the rock leading into the cave's entrance.
He's just barely sliding off Sa'ata when he hears a desperate shout of his name. He turns and Kiri's rushing towards him, Tuk hot on her trail. All his breath escapes him and tears swell behind his eyes at the sight of her.
She slides to her knees and collides into him, already sobbing. The force nearly takes him off his feet, but she steadies him and he wraps himself around her just as tight. His hand comes up to tangle in her hair as he breathes her in. Somewhere behind them, Spider can hear Neytiri mumuring reassurances to a crying Tuk.
Kiri buries her face in Spider's neck, and he finally feels like he can breathe again. Just being near her, he feels steadier. With how tight they hold on, he starts to relax. His trembles start to disappate with her anchoring him back to the world.
He doesn't move until she does. She only pulls back enough to look at him, one of her hands brushing his face. "Are you okay?" Her eyes quickly drop down his body, checking for injuries. He can't help but take her face between both his hands, to brush away her tears.
"I'm okay." He's not sure if it's true, but he's home, and he's with Kiri. Nothing else matters.
She closes her eyes and leans into his touch, her hands coming up to cover his. He wants to hug her again, but finds he doesn't want to pull his hands away. He settles for leaning his forehead against hers, a thumb still brushing along her cheekbone.
"I'm okay," he whispers again, though he's not sure if he's saying it to her or himself.
Suddenly she pulls back, his hands falling to her shoulders. "Don't do that again!"
"What?"
"Run off by yourself! Draw them to you— I thought—" Her voice breaks, and she just says his name, nearly a whimper. He pulls her back in, wrapping his arms around her shoulders.
"I was protecting you," he says into her ear. "I had to. Better me than you."
"No! Spider—" She pulls back again, preparing to lecture him more, but they're interuppted by Tuk jumping at him.
He stumbles back, but manages to grab her and hug her back before they topple over.
"Hi, Tuk-Tuk," he says with a small laugh.
"I missed you! You're okay?"
"Yeah, I'm okay." She backs up as he answers, looking him up and down. "Don't worry about me."
He hears Kiri ask, "Where's Dad?" Then Neytiri's quick asssurance of, "He is okay. He will be back soon, Kiri."
Tuk asks him, "Was it scary in the Sky People city?"
Spider almost laughs again at the innocence in the question. He hesitates, but says, "Yeah, yeah, it was pretty scary. But I'm home now, and your Dad will be back really soon." He reaches to give her shoulder a squeeze. Tuk looks like she wants to say more, but is unsure. Before he can question it, she asks, "Did they hurt you?"
He tenses, hearing Kiri and Neytiri go quiet from behind Tuk.
He deflects, depiste his hands starting to shake again. "No, no, I said I'm okay, didn't I?" He raises his arms and spins in a circle. "Look, I'm all good!"
Tuk grins, accepting it.
"Tuk, come hug your mama," Neytiri calls. Tuk hurriedly turns and climbs back into Neytiri's waiting arms. Spider meets her gaze and shoots her a grateful grin.
She nods back as Kiri stands and holds out a hand. "Come with me."
He takes her hand and lets her lead him into the cave.
They weave between people, around groups of families and young couples keeping close. He tries to ignore lingering stares as she leads him further in. She takes him to a more secluded, private area and sits him down. "Stay here. I'll be right back."
He almost wants to tell her to stay, but he lets her go with a squeeze of her wrist. He unconciously clenches and uncleches his fists as he waits, unable to keep still.
Kiri comes back only a few minutes later with a leaf bundle and a small bowl in her hands. She sits next to him, holding out the bundle. "Here. Eat slowly." He eyes the fruit, not feeling particularly hungry, despite not having eaten properly in two days.
They'd tried to feed him, but he refused all of it. He didn't trust it. They could've put something in it, a sedative, or something expiremental to test on him.
He picks at it, eating at least a few bites to appease Kiri. She hands him the bowl, half full of liquid. "This will help."
He recognizes the taste of the tawtsngal liquid, and instanly starts to feel better after drinking most of it. Kiri is quiet next to him as he starts to eat more of the fruit.
"Thank you," he says once he's finished. Kiri takes his hand, intertwining their fingers.
"Stay with me," she mumbles.
"I'm not going anywhere."
He stares down at their hands. Kiri looks at him, eyes taking in every inch of his face. Her eyebrows bunch together, eyes shining as she asks, shakily, "Did they hurt you?"
He avoids her gaze. "I'm okay."
"Spider…"
He wraps his free hand around their joined ones, running his thumb along her knuckles. After a moment of hesitation, he offers, "It wasn't like last time." He tries and fails to supress a shudder as he remembers the machine they'd strapped him to, in attempt to rip information from his brain. Kiri shifts closer to him, her knee brushing his leg. "They didn't need information. They were studying me. But…everything they do is violent. So it wasn't fun."
Kiri hangs her head for a moment, closing her eyes with an anguished expression. She squeezes his hand when she looks up again. "I'm so sorry, Monkey Boy. I couldn't let you die."
He's confused for a moment, but realizes what he means— the forest. She gave him the ability to breathe. (It seems she's always been his reason for breathing, anyway. What's new?)
"No, no, Kiri, it's not your fault. You saved me. You—" he cuts himself off, suddenly self-concious. How do you tell someone they've changed your life in every conceivable way? How do you tell someone they've given you a chance for a life you never imagined being able to have? How do you tell them you're so eternally grateful, that you'll never truly be able to thank them in a way that matters? What words are there to express something like that? "You saved me."
She grins, but it's almost pained. She opens her mouth to speak, but closes it again. Instead she pulls her hand from his grip and wraps her arms around him. Spider closes his eyes and leans into her, holding her arm with both hands.
"I was so scared for you," she whispers, like she can't bare to say it any louder. "I thought she was gonna kill you. Then they just took you."
He doesn't say anything to that. He just grips her a little tighter.
"You're safe, now. That's all that matters."
It's Spider's turn to whisper. "I missed you. I didn't know if I was ever gonna see you again."
She leans back just enough to press her forehead to his temple. "I'm here."
His next breath comes out shaky, and Kiri takes a slow, deep breath in response. Then another. He tries to copy her, matching her breaths even when his chest stutters, until they breathe in sync.
Neither of them move. Spider drinks in her touch, savoring every moment he gets to have it. He's learned well enough that nothing is ever guaranteed. Everything can change in a matter of moments.
His mind strays to when she kissed him. It was only minutes before he was taken. He's not sure if he'll ever be able to think about it without remembering what came after.
Will the memory always be stained?
(Part of him can't believe she wanted to kiss him. Sometimes he wonders how she can even tolerate his touch. But another part of him says, of course she does. Just like you do. It's always been the two of you.)
He tries to distract himself, running his hand along her arm. Trying to stay in the moment. It doesn't quite work. He can't stop thinking about it.
"Do you—" He clears his throat nervously. "Do you remember what happened, before I was taken?"
After a beat of silence she leans back to look at him. She looks like she's trying not to laugh. "Yes..?"
He scoffs at her expression. "Don't laugh at me!"
She grins widely. "I'm not!"
His nervousness evaporates at the normalcy of it all. They're still just Kiri and Spider. Nothing's changed.
"I don't wanna have to remember the bad things that came after every time I think about it." As he talks, she slides one hand down to rest on his chest, over his heart, keeping her other arm around his shoulders. "So…can we try again?"
She's still smiling, but her face shifts into something softer. Fonder. "Of course, Monkey Boy. You don't have to ask.
He reaches up to cup her cheek once more, already leaning in. "You're so beautiful," he breathes against her mouth. Kiri closes the gap between them.
It's slow and soft, and Spider wants to live in it forever. This is so much better than the first time, he decides. He wishes they could somehow get closer, like they're not already tangled up in each other. He angles his head and it seems to shift them into place, like puzzle pieces fitting together. Kiri hums and pulls back, only to brush her hand along his jaw and kiss him again, and again.
"As much as you want," She mumbles into his mouth, "As long as you want me to."
He breaks it suddenly, just to look at her. Her eyes are brimming with emotion, the same ones echoed in his chest. He leans back in to press his forehead to hers, just like before. This time he presses another kiss to her face, right next to her nose. "Stay together?"
She nods against him. "You're not getting away from me again."
He can't help but kiss her on the mouth again. Then he links his arms around her shoulders, and she settles into his hold, leaning against his shoulder. For the first time in weeks, he finally feels safe.
"Was that better?"
He huffs a gentle laugh, brushing her hair back. "Much."