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Rin is still rather peeved when she returns to the squat building that serves as the generals complex. She can’t help but feel indignant at Souji’s proposition that continues to echo in her mind. Rejecting him was the right call, she knows that. And yet she can’t help but wonder…
“I wanna say I’m surprised you turned him down but I’d be lying. But I am curious.”
Rin startles and whips around, poised for a fight. Venka walks toward her from the far end of the hallway, unfazed.
“Don’t fucking do that,” Rin says, miffed. Her pounding heart begins to slow; she leans against the doorframe of her room.
“I didn’t do anything.”
“You snuck up on me.”
Venka rolls her eyes. “Whatever. So why?”
Rin pushes open her door, only slightly vexed that Venka follows her inside uninvited.
“Why what?” Rin asks, dropping heavily onto her threadbare mattress. Venka sits down at the foot of it.
“Souji. That might have been your only chance to fuck around, you know. Didn’t think you’d wanna die both ugly and a virgin.”
Rin huffs, heat rising to her cheeks, flames ready to erupt.
“You’re such a bitch,” Rin grumbles, slipping off her tattered uniform tunic, leaving her in her rather wretched underclothes. “I don’t care about fucking around, there’s bigger shit to worry about. And I can’t have all these men undermining me if I do.”
“They already do that,” Venka points out.
“Exactly. Don’t need more of it. Now are you gonna leave or what?”
Venka’s smug expression turns rather sour. “No.”
Rin balks. “No?”
Venka clicks her tongue in annoyance as if Rin’s the one intruding in on her personal space. But there’s a flicker of unease that crosses her usual defiant mask. Rin finds herself reluctantly softening instantly.
“You alright?” she asks. Venka doesn’t meet her eyes, fiddling nervously with her fingers. Rin catches the way she rubs at her deformed wrists. When Rin slowly reaches out, Venka flinches.
And then she sighs, long and heavy. The way her body deflates with it has Rin feeling uncomfortable. It always feels wrong to see someone like Venka—prideful, vicious, and gorgeous—look like this.
Given the drinks and celebration and sheer indulgence happening outside, Rin puts the pieces together. She can only assume Souji wasn’t the only man trying to score with a lady tonight.
“Who was it?” Rin demands. But Venka only shakes her head.
“Doesn’t matter now. Kneed his balls big time already. Probably messed up his chance of finding someone else for the foreseeable future.”
Rin nods, satisfied. Venka knows how to fight her battles; Rin’s not one to take those from her unless asked. But she also doesn’t know how else to help. Fighting is the only thing she knows to do well; offering comfort is the furthest thing from that.
So she just sits and stares at an imaginary spot on the grainy wooden floorboards.
Eventually, Venka looks up and Rin meets her eyes.
“You gonna scoot over or what?” Venka says.
Rin blinks. “What?”
Venka makes an impatient sound and begins to bully Rin into moving further into the bed, closer to the wall. She shucks off her own grimy tunic leaving her in a set of plain dull-white underclothes that match Rin’s. She shimmies down until her head hits the flat pillow then tugs up the thick, scratchy blanket over both their legs. Rin just stares at her, cautiously laying down as well, truly perplexed.
They lie there quietly for several minutes like that—squished shoulder to shoulder, pressed close from hip to thigh to ankle.
“Just didn’t wanna be alone, alright?” Venka says softly into the silence. “I kicked his ass but still I—it still fucking sucked.” The festivities sound much further away with Venka breathing so near.
“Yeah,” Rin replies, “okay.” Sometimes you just needed company. Another living, breathing body beside you as a reminder that you’re still alive and breathing too, no matter how painful it was to be.
“Hey.”
Rin turns her head to look at Venka who is already looking back. “Mm?”
“You ever kiss anyone before at least?”
A flash of insecurity courses through Rin. But Venka’s eyes are open and curious for once, not judgemental.
Rin thinks about the moment Nezha had shared air with her back when they fought together in Arlong, their mouths sealing together, saving her. Back when they were on the same side. She thinks of when she thought they would kiss for real only to be stabbed in the back.
Quickly she drowns out the memories, that desperate need to be desired in that way no matter how irrelevant or insignificant it was to the life she lives. It’s unnecessary. She’s got a people to avenge for fuck’s sake.
She shrugs, feigning nonchalance. “Not really, no.”
Venka’s gaze is intense, making Rin glance away. The thin mattress shifts as Venka turns fully onto her side while Rin keeps her eyes fixed on the ceiling. What is with her tonight—
“You gonna light my hair on fire if I ask to kiss you?”
Rin nearly gives herself whiplash. She searches Venka’s face for a taunting smirk. A suppressed laugh, cruel and mocking. But she finds none of that. All she finds is an earnest expression and perfect pink cheeks upon perfect cheekbones.
“The fuck?” Rin blurts out.
Venka seems to grow a little defensive but she doesn’t back down. Rather, she digs her heels in further. Her hand comes up to cup Rin’s cheek, gentle yet determined.
“Can I fucking kiss you or not?” she asks again, looking annoyed.
Rin is beyond confused. Why the hell would Venka want to kiss her? Is it even okay to kiss a girl? Not like shit like that matters now anyway—they’ve all done plenty of things that aren’t exactly considered “okay” by social standards that it’s almost funny. Almost.
“What if I say no?” Rin tests.
Venka pulls her hand away casually and shrugs one shoulder. “Won’t kiss you, what else? I don’t plan to leave though. I’ll still stay. For myself, if anything.”
She’ll stay. If Rin says no, Venka won’t abandon her. She won’t leave her behind just because she didn’t obey or acquiesce or give in. For once she gets a fucking choice in the matter with no repercussions.
Something loosens in Rin’s chest, a tightly wound knot that she never knew existed. The lightness she feels helps clear her head of the befuddlement enough to reveal a single truth: she wants to say yes with her whole damn chest.
A surge of confidence has Rin turning to mirror Venka whose eyes widen in surprise. Then Venka smiles, confident and downright beautiful. Rin’s heart begins to beat faster as something dawns on her, a realization she might’ve had months ago if only she’d given herself even a moment to relish a feeling that wasn’t just rage and desperation.
“Okay,” Rin says, chest swelling with anticipation and a rush of affection. “Kiss me.”
Venka’s hand returns to her cheek, bracing the curve of her jaw just so. Rin closes her eyes a little prematurely but soon enough lips meet her own.
Even if what she shared with Nezha could be considered a kiss, it was nothing like this. For one, Rin isn’t actively in the clutches of death. She’s not sopping wet and drowning. She isn’t fighting for her life.
Here, she’s safe and dry, even if it is probably a temporary thing. There’s nothing else to focus on but Venka’s mouth on hers. Chapped and a little dry. Her breath a bit stale. Her hand is warm, urging Rin to lean into the touch.
They pause for a breath but Rin doesn’t let it last long. She wants more now that she’s got a taste of it. Needs more. How long has she been starved for something like this?
Venka makes a soft noise when Rin’s hand finds her hip. Fingers shift to cup the back of Rin’s neck and then up into her greasy hair. She feels Venka’s tongue lick sweep across her bottom lip and she gasps; it’s the eager invitation Venka’s seemed to have hoped for.
Rin doesn’t have a clue of what she’s doing or if she’s doing anything correctly. But she quickly decides that it doesn't matter to either of them. The kisses deepen and it feels right, and that’s enough.
“You can touch me more, you know. If you want,” Venka whispers before dragging her lips down to Rin’s jaw, then her neck. “I’m not gonna break.”
Rin swallows, now even more conscious of her grip on Venka’s hip that hasn’t moved an inch. As much as the kissing has been freeing, she is still being cautious. Even with permission, she still feels unsure. Venka isn’t damaged or broken like her own family has deemed her to be. But that doesn’t erase what she’s been through. It’s why she came to Rin tonight.
“You tell me what you like, then,” Rin tells her. “And I’ll follow.”
Venka snorts, pulling back to look at Rin’s face. “You want orders from me, General Fang?” she teases and Rin rolls her eyes. But honestly, yeah. She does.
“I’m an ugly virgin, what do you expect from me?” Rin huffs, carefully sliding her palm over the soft swell of Venka’s ass. She doesn’t get swatted away so she lets it rest there while Venka down at her with amusement, now propped up on an elbow.
“Well, so am I,” Venka says. There’s a sharpness to her tone when she does, an abrupt shift. A darkness that passes over her face. A challenge for Rin to push back on the statement. But Rin has no inclination to.
“Minus the ugly part,” Rin replies. Venka laughs, her body visibly easing up.
“Minus the ugly part,” she agrees. Her hand runs down Rin's chest, lightly groping her left breast as she bends down to kiss her firmly. “And you’re not ugly either.”
“Uh huh.” Venka’s hand is a distraction as they slip underneath the worn cotton to feel her skin. “You realize it’s you who always called me that?”
“Well, I lied.” Rin arches involuntarily when Venka’s thumb circles her hardened nipple. “Just has to piss you off, ya know? It was the easiest and oldest way to fuck with someone. But I’m sorry. I never meant it.”
Maybe Rin could’ve demanded more of an apology. There’s still bitterness over how she was treated at Sinegard. But that was a lifetime ago, and her anger is her own to hone or dismiss. Besides, Venka’s shown her remorse and respect for Rin in a multitude of ways already.
“Thank you,” Rin says, letting her own hands roam and wander freely with curiosity. Venka throws a leg over and settles on Rin’s waist, straddling her.
They kiss fiercely and Rin caresses every stretch of warm skin she can reach. Over Venka’s back, her shoulderblades. Down and up her arms and to her chest.
For a moment, Venka freezes at the touch. Rin pauses too, lightening her touch on Venka’s breasts and watching the way her eyes flutter and breathing quickens abnormally.
“Stop?” Rin asks quietly.
Venka just shakes her head, keeps her eyes closed.
“Lay down, we can just kiss,” Rin offers when several seconds pass.
“Shut up, you’re not the one giving orders,” Venka says through her teeth.
Fair enough.
Eventually, Venka calms again. Her hands shake slightly when they settle over Rin’s, squeezing her own tits. She guides Rin’s hands under the edges of the fabric on the sides.
“You can take them off,” Venka says.
Rin nods, eagerness and desire taking over the weight of worry for Venka. She slips off the top piece, then the bottom as well when Venka rises onto her knees to make it easy. She’s still marveling at the sight of Venka over her, not thinking twice when Venka gets to stripping her down too.
All perfect pale porcelain skin littered with battle scars. Her bones stick out in places from the bare minimum they get to eat. Scattered bruises, dotted mosquito bites. Every inch of her proving her to be the warrior that she is. She’s the most beautiful person Rin’s ever seen.
“Don’t act like you haven’t seen me naked before,” Venka says, exasperated if still pleased.
“But this is different.”
It looks like Venka wants to make a witty remark again but instead she just smiles, soft and genuine. “Yeah. It is.”
Venka leans down and captures Rin’s lips again. The kiss is tender, building into something with more heat. The slide of their bare skin is like kindling to the fire they’re creating together. The inferno has always been Rin’s favorite place to exist in, except for once this doesn’t threaten to destroy her.
The kisses to her neck return, with it a hint of teeth. Rin hisses, tilting her chin aside, wanting more. The sting, the pain. It’s what she lives for.
Venka’s mouth travels further down and when her lips encircles one of Rin’s nipples, she nearly cries out. She clamps her mouth closed with a hand, moaning into her palm as Venka’s tongue makes her dizzy with its ministrations.
“Good?” Venka asks.
Rin can only laugh, breathless.
Her other nipple is given the same care and attention and Rin watches Venka’s body avidly, skimming her hands along her shoulders and back. When Venka kisses her way back up to her mouth, Rin nearly sighs in relief. This is where she likes Venka best.
“I wanna try and make you come,” Venka murmurs against her mouth and Rin’s heart skips a beat.
“Whatever you want.”
Venka grins, clearly enjoying the effect she’s having on Rin. And for Rin, it feels freeing to let go and hand over the reins to someone else. She’d vowed she’d never do such a thing ever again. Vowed to never be made a tool or a fool. But here she knows she’s safe. Kitay and Venka are her only certainties anymore and she refuses to take that for granted.
It’s more unfamiliar than it is uncomfortable, having someone else’s fingers slipping down between her folds. She gasps, holding her breath as Venka rubs her fingers around.
“You want my fingers inside you?” Venka asks.
Rin is still working on processing the fact that this is happening. “I don’t know.”
Venka’s fingers halt and her expression turns stern. “If you’re not sure, I’m gonna stop.”
“No!” Rin flushes at the desperation in her own voice. She clears her throat. “No, I just. I just don’t know what to expect with any of this, alright? All we’re ever told is to spread our legs and take it and—”
At those words, Venka flinches hard and closes her eyes.
Fuck.
“Sorry, I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking—”
Venka slaps her hand over Rin’s mouth. Rin watches again with wide eyes as she steadies herself once again.
“I don’t know how this works either,” Venka speaks quietly after a long respite. “I mean I—know. Sort of. But not with a woman. Not like this. Just tell me you’ll stop me if that’s what you want.”
Rin nods. Venka takes her hand off her mouth, satisfied. It’s replaced with her soft lips.
They kiss again, slow and a little distracted as Venka figures out what works for Rin through trial and error. Rin channels her focus to her body, to every sensation and feeling.
“Fuck, there, right there,” Rin mutters when Venka hits a spot that sends lighting down to her toes.
Venka pulls back just slightly to watch Rin’s face as she hones in on the spot, rubbing in an infuriating leisure pace. Rin pants shallowly, gripping the sheets. She nearly protests when Venka sidetracks. But the long finger slipping inside her in a novel, welcome feeling. She nods fervently when Venka asks if she’d like another despite the strain in her injured hands.
It should fill her with shame or humiliation to be splayed open like this: knees fallen to the sides when Venka kneels between her legs, gaze shifting between Rin’s face and her cunt. But those feelings are nowhere to be found.
“Mouth?”
“Huh?” Rin asks, lost in the haze of the fire building in her low belly.
Venka dips down, flicking that spot with her tongue. Rin bites into her fist as the potent flash of pleasure that shoots through her.
“Yesyesyes,” she chants.
Venka is a little uncoordinated but that doesn’t matter. She stays mostly consistent. It takes less than a minute before Rin tips over the edge, the orgasm hitting her like a brick wall.
She is still catching her breath and regaining her clear vision when Venka climbs back onto her. Rin pulls her in for a kiss, hugging her tight, holding her close.
“Holy shit,” Rin says into Venka’s hair.
Venka laughs. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
They lay that way for a long moment until Rin’s sweat begins to cool. She kisses Venka’s temple then asks, “Can I return the favor?”
Rin senses the hesitation before Venka says, “I…maybe.”
“Whatever you want.”
“I know. I want you.”
Rin smiles. It’s been a while since she has.
They roll over and flip positions, with Rin half hovering over Venka. She rests her free hand on Venka’s collarbone, caressing the hollow space with her thumb. As Venka leads their kiss, she takes Rin’s hand in her own and begins to guide every touch. And as promised, Rin follows.
Careful and slow. Gentle. Squeezing when Rin feels curious and continuing to do so when Venka moans softly. They pause every now and then when Venka needs to and Rin fills in the gaps with a kiss pressed to her cheek and jaw.
When her fingers reach wet folds, Venka sucks in a breath. She asks to stop immediately and so they do. Rin lays beside her and Venka tucks her face into her neck.
“I don’t want them to take this away from me,” she grits out, voice shaking. “I won’t fucking let them.”
“They haven’t and they won’t,” Rin assures her, feeling the frustration and rage in every taut line of muscle. “But hurting yourself or making me hurt you isn’t the win you think it is.” There’s a level of hypocrisy in her words, Rin knows.
Venka doesn’t reply for a while. The laughter and music outside flows through the room, far away and muffled. Rin doesn’t realize she’s zoned out until Venka turns her face by the chin.
“I wanna keep going,” she says, calm and resolute. Her hand takes Rin’s down between her legs again.
Rin starts up the same deliberate rhythm Venka did with her, paying attention to when and where Venka moans and whines with pleasure. When she tries to slip a finger into her cunt, Venka shakes her head, drawing her line. Rin goes back to her task, kissing and speaking in a low voice when she feels Venka’s mind drifting away or getting frustrated.
It takes a long time, long enough for Rin’s hand to cramp and the tips of her fingers to prune. But Venka’s back arches and her legs clamp over their joined hands as she comes. A tear escapes the corner of her eye but she’s smiling. Rin feels a rush of pride and affection at the sight.
Much later, despite their mutual reluctance, they both decide it’s in their best interest to slip back into their underclothes. The night draft is getting unbearably chilly and they could be required to fight at any moment.
“You really are beautiful, you know that?” Venka says, eyes heavy with exhaustion.
“Didn’t realize this was all it took to get the truth out of you,” Rin teases.
“Fuck off.”
“I won’t. I need you.”
Venka tucks a strand of hair behind Rin’s ear. Her gaze is warm, taking in each feature. “I know you do. You’d be fucked without me. Unlike most, I actually give a shit about you.”
Rin chuckles. “Who would’ve thought, huh?”
Venka grins. “Who would’ve thought.”
*
The bombs fall on Tikany before dawn breaks. They only kiss once, after everything that follows.
But days later, then weeks, then months, it’s the memory of that grin that Rin holds on to. When her comrades and allies and friends betray her one by one, and then her own mind and body—as she sears Venka’s skin with her fire even as she takes the shot meant for Rin—she still holds on.
And when at last she drives the dagger into her own ribcage, she mourns Kitay’s life, her soulmate. She aches for Nezha and the world she’s left him. But there’s a spark of hope too. The hope that she’ll get to see that grin again. The only one that owned her bleeding heart.