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The view from the countryside was beautiful, the land of Seoul visible from up here, the site full of greenery, clouds visible from up close — too close.
On a normal day, Han Seolah would have enjoyed the view. But today was definitely not a normal day.
It was the Enshrinement Ceremony of her late fiancé, Yoon Seung-Jae.
She was warned, had been warned, but still insisted on visiting him for one last time.
But alas, it wasn’t just a mistake, it had been a blunder. A horrendous one. Words kept replaying in her head.
“If only he hadn’t met you…..” Seung-Jae’s mother, her to-be Eomeouni, replied angrily, grabbing her by her collar. “If only he hadn’t met you, my Seung-Jae would still be alive! He defied his parents, got involved with a no-good woman, and ended up dead!”
“My poor baby! How dare you come here?! HOW DARE YOU? Seung-Jae-ah…..” She cried, finally letting her grasp off of her.
“You were the beneficiary so how wouldn’t you know?” Seung-Jae’s brother asked her, shaking both her shoulders violently. You killed them didn’t you? You’re the one who killed Seung-Jae and that woman, aren’t you? TELL ME.”
Seolah then stared at the ring placed on her finger. It was the last thing that he had gifted her. The last thing that reminded her of him, of the supposed “perfect” fiancé who cheated on her with her own fellow auctioneer, Kim Yun-Ji, who apparently, had been stalking her too.
Sadly, no one will ever know that Seung-Jae was a bloody cheater. And no one will believe her. And even if someone did, they won’t hold any grudges against the deceased. Their mistakes, their crimes — irrespective of how small or big they were — were always forgiven. Or rather, forgotten.
Seolah’s fingers traced the ring for one last time. She reminisced how happy she had been when Seung-Jae proposed to her on the boat.
But now, it was only a memory that would haunt her for the rest of her life. Without thinking, she slowly took it off and threw it away. Far away.
The sun emerged more prominently now, the clouds slowly beginning to disappear. Below her, Seoul hadn’t changed, but she definitely had.
“I wonder how far a string of bad luck can go.” A male voice spoke from behind.
Seolah recognized that voice immediately, without turning back. Cha Wooseok, aka the man who had been taking a lot of interest in her life lately.
“A work colleague. A significant other. And even your parents.”
That snapped something in her.
So he figured that out too, huh? She finally turned, now facing him directly.
“Did you really just lose everything, and have nothing to do with their deaths?” He asked.
“Do you still believe I killed someone?” She asked, her voice tired. She was tired of fighting.
Wooseok didn’t reply. He couldn’t.
The silence was his answer. And that was the answer she needed.
“I suppose….” She replied. “….you wouldn’t believe a word I say.”
A single tear slid from her eye, as she took a step behind. It was followed by another tear, her stilettos clicking with every staggering step she took back.
Wooseok’s eyes widened, as he immediately understood what she was going to do.
No no no no no…….
Just as she almost lunged herself behind, he caught her hand and pulled her forward, grabbing her by her shoulders. Both of their weights ended up crashing on the floor. Wooseok went on his knees, firming his grip on her shoulder.
“What are you doing?” He lashed at her. “ARE YOU INSANE?”
“All I have to do is disappear.” Seolah cried. “Then it’ll all be over.”
“What?” He asked immediately — almost too immediately.
“I don’t care. I want to die! WHY are you stopping me?” She tried to free herself from his grasp, but his grip only kept getting stronger.
“Why are you doing this to me? What do you want to know?” She lashed at him, sobbing harder. “WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT TO KNOW?”
“YOU.” He replied. “I want to know more about you, Han Seolah. I want to know about the person who could die right now and NOT CARE!”
WHAT?
What?
What?
He wants to know me? What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Seolah thought.
Seolah couldn’t study his face. Her gaze averted straight into his red-rimmed eyes. She was confused. Because why the hell was he being emotional? For her? Did he really care about her?
They kept staring at each other for seconds? Minutes? Until Wooseok cleared his throat shyly and broke his gaze.
“I am sorry….” He replied, his voice barely a whisper. “....I am sorry for suspecting you. I am sorry for the way I acted before.”
Seolah’s sobbing reduced to small hiccups now, her expression slightly softened.
There were many people who hurt her, some even in the worst possible ways. But no one had ever apologized like he did. Seolah had almost forgotten what guilt or remorse felt like, especially when it came from another person. She didn’t say anything, just nodded her head.
He then did the most unexpected thing. Without any warning, he scooped her up in his arms and pulled her into an embrace. Seolah froze at first, but then melted at his touch, her body too tired to pull back. Her hands found his shoulders, and his hands found her small back.
“You deserve to live, Han Seolah.” He whispered into her ear, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. He could feel Seolah’s hands trembling at his shoulders slightly.
Oh god, did I make her uncomfortable? He thought, and pulled back. They were still close - way too close than he’d ever let any woman near him. He could hear her tiny breaths, could feel her gazing back at him.
Before his mind could think any further, they both stood up, him still grabbing her shoulders, steadying her gently. This time, she was the one to pull back, walking towards her bag and carrying it.
Then, she turned onto her heel and started climbing down the stairs. Wooseok followed her without any hesitation, walking behind her, not removing his gaze from her for even the briefest of seconds.
When she reached her car, he placed a hand in front of her.
He wasn’t going to let her drive in this condition, he wasn’t going to leave her all alone.
“Get in.” He instructed. “I’ll drive.”
It wasn’t an order or command, just an offer. An offer to drive her back home. Safely. Seolah didn’t argue, just handed him the car keys and quietly went to the passenger seat. Once he was sure she settled in, he got into the driver seat and started the car.
Time passed out like it didn’t know how to stop. The sun had begun to set in Seoul City.
The car ride back to the city of Seoul was silent — the silence between them lingering heavily. Wooseok focused on the road, on the steering wheel. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t help but steal glances at Seolah occasionally.
Seolah kept staring outside the window, her eyes still not quite meeting the outside view. She was zoning out, her arms crossed. At times, she caught Wooseok staring at her. It never lasted long, as he diverted his gaze away immediately.
The golden hour sunlight streaked at her hair, making her auburn looks shine brighter than how they appeared. Her eyes were red-rimmed, tears dried up, her cheeks faintly pink from both her makeup blush and from the shame that crept up on her.
Because for the first time in years, she had actually lost control over her emotions in front of someone — let alone an SIU officer? Former detective? Co-worker? Stalker? Obsessor? She didn’t even know it anymore.
All she knew was that she somehow lost control over her emotions in front of him. Him, out of all people. She thought.
He knew her address, thanks to her late fiancé’s late mistress, who was supposedly stalking Seolah by renting an apartment right in front of her. But before they could reach her apartment, his eyes averted to the nearest convenience store.
He hadn’t realized how much time had passed. She must be hungry, she needs to eat. He thought.
Without any warning, he parked the car in front of it. Seolah saw the 7-eleven sign lit brightly and sat there confused. A convenience store?
That is not my home. She wanted to say. But before she could, he spoke.
“I am hungry.”
Seolah sighed. Seriously? Oh for fuck’s sake…..
And although she didn’t want to admit, her stomach was growling too, thankfully not loud enough for him to hear. For years, she was used to having light dinners (with alcohol, of course) or skipping them altogether. But today, she was feeling hungry (a rare occasion).
Before she could protest, he was already unfastening his seat belt, getting out of his seat and standing in front of her door, opening it for her.
Damn, he’s really fast.
When she got out of the car, he closed the door. Then, he took her hand and intertwined his fingers with hers, as if it was the most natural thing to do in the entire world. Seolah was surprised, but she didn’t pull back.
“Come on.” Wooseok replied, as he started walking forward, dragging her with him.
As they entered the store and kept on searching, he wondered what she liked to eat, as he wasn’t aware of her food preferences. Does she like ramyeon? Kimchi fried rice? Tteotbokki? Fried chicken?
She was still quiet, just staring at him in a way filled with sheer curiosity, her hand still intertwined with his. She noticed the way he stared at food items, or the way he occasionally swung their intertwined hand up and down, the way he dragged her from aisle-to-aisle slowly, or the way he glanced at her for a brief second and then turned his gaze away.
It was the first time she was witnessing…..this side of him. Turns out despite the cold, investigator demeanor, he actually had a child-like personality deep down. Perhaps he was trying to console her, in the only way he knew how to. It seemed both intriguing and infuriating at the same time, in a cute way of course.
He finally picked two ready-to-heat meals, then glanced at Seolah, who didn’t seem to mind. It wasn’t anything fancy, rather a minimalist meal with no banchan dishes — normal chicken rice with chili oil, soy sauce, and soup on the side.
They made their way to the billing counter. Wooseok immediately placed his credit card in front of the cashier, who took it without any hesitation.
“I can pay —” She replied, immediately realizing that she left her purse in the car. Ssibal….
“You don’t have to.” He cut her off mid-sentence, although not rudely. He then looked at their conjoined hands.
Oh God, had he really been holding it the entire time? When he pulled back to carry the containers, his fingers twitched slightly, missing her touch already.
Seolah sat at the dining area table, while Wooseok heated the food. He opened the containers, added oil and soy sauce to the rice and seasoned them properly, before placing the containers in the microwave. While it was heating, he also took off his coat, and folded his sleeves until it reached his elbow.
He arranged all the food in front of Seolah, meeting her eyes for a brief second. He sat in front of her, handing her a pair of disposable chopsticks.
Seolah stared at the food for a while, not quite eating. She kept fidgeting with her chopsticks. It’s not that she wasn’t hungry, she was. But she also didn’t have an appetite.
Wooseok noticed.
“What happened?” He asked, her gazing averting from her plate to him. “Do you not like the food?”
“No….” She hesitated. Of course, he noticed this too. “I am just…..not t-that hungry.”
She’s got to be kidding.
Quietly, he placed his hand on hers. Seolah was startled by his touch. But his hands were warm.
“Look, I know today was overwhelming for you.” He replied. “But you need to eat, or else you will be sick!”
Then let me be sick, let me die. She wanted to spat back. But then, she noticed his containers. His food had been untouched too, as if he had been waiting for her to take the first bite of their food.
Seolah looked at him — really looked at him. She hadn’t even noticed when he had taken off his blazer, and folded the sleeves of his shirt. She noticed his wrist. He sure had a lot of veins plopping out.
She studied his face. He looked…..exhausted. Of course he had been worn out too, he had been with her the entire day. He was hungry, which is why he insisted on coming to the store, right? Right?
She wasn’t used to people caring for her, not even from her three lovers. Three EX-lovers.
She pulled her hand back, took the chopsticks, and finally took a bite of the chicken rice. It was good, god it was good. She never expected local convenience food to taste so good. She took another bite, followed by another.
Wooseok smiled faintly, as he took bites of his own food. They ate in silence, the only sound coming from their chewing.
He managed to devour the entire meal, while Seolah managed to eat a couple of bites of rice and chicken. She couldn’t finish the meal, he didn’t force her to.
Before they left, he purchased two coke zero cans, opened the lid and handed one to her. Better than alcohol. Instead of heading towards the car, Seolah kept walking further. Wooseok followed her, walking with her side-by-side until they reached her building, their coke cans in their right hands.
Although it was barely a five-minute walk, their arms kept brushing each other occasionally, none of them bothered to pull back. They both entered the lift, and she pressed the button to her floor.
Wooseok couldn’t take his eyes off her, while she just kept staring ahead. He realized that this was the second time he was in a lift with her.
Seolah’s apartment was quieter than he had imagined. It was a nice 2BHK apartment, with a living room, a kitchen and an attached balcony. Everything looked polished, lifelessly perfect. Too perfect, on the outside.
It screamed of enormous wealth. But on the inside, it seemed…..unlived. The wall colors were minimalist, and there were almost no decorations. There was no scent of food, no photos of Seolah, no personal touches. Just emptiness disguised as wealth.
There were books — a lot of books. And he couldn’t help but notice the carving tools and crafts built by her. So she’s an avid book lover and an impressive draftsmen? Unfortunately, he never understood art. Which was pretty ironic, considering how he now worked part-time in Royal Auction.
Seolah's gaze quietly read “Get in” without any words.
Is it really okay? He wondered. He didn’t want her to think that he was invading her private space. He followed nonetheless.
They made their way towards her couch. It was navy blue in color, lavish, big enough — enormous for two people — let alone a single person. There was a single white couch beside it too.
Seolah’s back now faced him, her hands gently coming up to her mouth and covering them. Wooseok knew what was coming. It was an outburst that was long overdue.
Tears began to flow down from her eyes, her voice turning into silent sobs. She didn’t face him, she couldn’t.
The sight of Seolah crying cracked something inside of him. Before he knew it, he was already pulling her into an embrace. Again!
His hands found her head and shoulder, and her hands found his waist.
“I am sorry…..” She muffled, her voice shaky. “......I am so sorry.”
“Shhhhh……” He whispered into her hair, patting her head gently. The gesture was really comforting.
He didn’t know what she was apologizing for. He didn’t care. All he knew was that she didn’t deserve to apologize to anyone anymore, because she was the one who deserves an apology, from everyone. Everyone, including himself.
When her sobs slowly began to subside down, he pulled back from the embrace to face her. Her mascara had been smudged, splashes of black throughout her cheek, mixed with tears. Instinctively, before his mind could react, he lifted his hand up and wiped her cheek, caressing it using his thumb.
Her glossy eyes met him directly. His thumb lingered around her cheek for longer, stroking her tear-stricken face gently. He didn’t know what he was doing.
He slowly set her down on the couch, sitting beside her, his hand warm on top on hers, resting on her thigh. He took a look at her stilettos, she was still wearing them. Seolah was not in a state to remove them, but she needed to, as they definitely did not look comfortable.
“May I…..uhm….” He cleared his throat, pointing at her feet. Seolah looked down. Oh god, she had been wearing them since morning. She had been too busy to even realize that her feet were killing her.
She simply nodded her head, even if it was……quite embarrassing to ask a man to remove your heels.
His fingers gently touched her ankle, while removing the heels from her feet. Seolah realized she couldn’t even feel them. No wonder your feet is numb.
He carefully placed her heels beside the small table placed in front of the couch. For a moment, no one talked. Then, she moved. Closer. To him.
She stood slightly, and then placed herself in his lap, sitting there.
Her right hand looped around his broad shoulder, her other hand placed on his chest. Her head rested on the area between his jawline and cervix, smelling faintly of citrus and lavender. She could smell his cologne. It was expensive of course, having a sandalwood smell which smelled like fancy room freshners.
For some reason, the mixture of his cologne, his shampoo and his body wash was so freaking comforting.
Wooseok froze. Like actually froze. Han Seolah was sitting……on him?
Eventually, his hands found her waist, steadying her weight, pulling her closer. He was aware of how her nose was definitely touching the crook of his neck, of how she was inhaling the scent of his body.
She should have pushed him away. But for some reason, she didn’t. Because no one ever stayed with her. But he did, even when he didn’t have to. He didn’t complain, didn’t dare to leave. Not even once.
She noticed his features — his tired eyes, sharp nose, fair jawline, his Adam's apple blobbing out of his throat, his skin flawless.
He was handsome, devastatingly handsome. Definitely more than any of the men she had ever been with. Why was he an SIU officer, when he should have actually been a model? Or better, a K-drama actor?
They were close — dangerously close. Closer than she had ever let anybody near her.
Their foreheads almost touched now. Her eyes gazed onto his lips. She wondered how it would feel like to close the gap and taste them.
Wait, what? What?
Fucking WHAT?
And the worst part? She wasn’t drunk today. Which meant that she couldn’t even blame her…..weird thoughts on alcohol now. So, she set them aside immediately.
The realization hit her harder than it should have.
She wanted more of this. More of…..him.
And that…..terrified her. Because to her, loving someone always meant……losing them. And Wooseok didn’t deserve that.
Tomorrow. She reminded herself. Tomorrow, I’ll push him away again.
Time…..well, it didn’t even matter anymore. They continued to stay in that position, not even muttering a single word.
His brain had blanked out long back. He could feel Seolah staring at him occasionally, her hand now resting on top of his. She could feel her fingertips brushing his knuckles, a gesture that had been very soothing. His other hand kept patting her head gently.
He looked at their hands first, and then looked at her face. Her eyelids were growing heavier, her tears now dried up, her cheeks faintly pink.
She’s so fucking beautiful.
The only clear thought in his mind was that even in the most vulnerable state, she had no right to look this breathtaking when other people would have looked like a disaster.
He didn’t dare to move, didn’t even breathe. He just….stayed there, holding her as if she were as fragile as glass. Because to him, she was.
To the entire world, Royal Auctioneer Han Seolah was someone who had built an entire wall of glass around her. But today, the glass had shattered into cracks.
She was strong, really strong. But she was also lonely. She was someone, who needed someone to rely upon.
And today, it was his turn to become an anchor. Her anchor.
“Wooseok-ssi…..” She finally broke the silence, her voice rough due to sleepiness. He turned his head down to find her gaze, their foreheads almost touching, their breaths in sync. “Thank you for saving me.”
And for the first time that day, he smiled. Actually smiled.
She realized that she had never seen him smile beside his usual grin. The sight of him smiling — really smiling — bloomed something in her chest.
“And thank you for……” She shut her eyes close. “….this.”
She didn’t need to mention whatever.....this had been, it was very clear. Clear yet awkward.
Just like that, she finally let her exhaustion take over her, still snuggled to him like a koala bear.
For a brief moment, Wooseok stayed just like that, observing her sleep. He noticed the rise and fall of her chest, her lashes resting on her cheek, her mouth partly open.
She looked so peaceful while sleeping, as if all her tension had ceased out of existence completely. Wooseok found himself counting her breath.
When his back finally ached, he slid an arm under her knees and one under her shoulders. Then in one swift motion, he lifted her. Her body was lighter than it appeared, but the weight of her mind felt heavier than any weight he had carried before — the weight of loss, suffering, grief, loneliness that no one ever deserves to bear alone.
For a moment, he froze. Again! He could feel her head resting on his shoulder, and the proximity made his breathing erratic.
The door to her bedroom had been slightly open, as if the room itself had been waiting for her return. As soon as he laid her lightweight on the bed, the mattress dipped beneath her slightly. He tucked her in gently, pulling the covers above her. She stirred for a bit, before hugging a pillow subconsciously, returning back to sleep.
Her room wasn’t anything fancy either — just a simple bed, a bedside table and a walk-in-closet. And an attached washroom.
She overdosed on tranquilzers. She was about to end her life. The realization terrified him.
But now he knew that Han Seolah wasn’t the culprit. She had been a victim, and the world deserved to know that.
Before leaving, he stood by the door, observing her sleep for one last time. He whispered into thin air:
“Han Seolah, I will find your culprit, even if it means dying myself.”
Seolah didn’t wake up. But her arms tightened around her pillow, as if she unconsciously heard him in her sleep.
And just like that, he left the room, closing the door behind him. Once he stepped outside the building, he finally took a long breath that he hadn’t even realized he was holding for so long.
He recalled the events of the entire day — the way she almost threw herself from the cliff, the way he saved her, the way he held her hands at the convenience store, the way he removed her heel, the way she sat on his lap, the way he carried her to her bed.
The worst part? He liked it. All of it.
The truth, the simple truth, which he was running away from, which he was terrified of, was:
He was falling in love with Han Seolah.