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“Why did you decide to become a police officer?” Endo asked casually, on a quiet evening when Suo had actually dropped by his apartment for tea, not to have a bloody arm stitched up.
"... Hmm, why did you become a surgeon, Endo-san?"
"I asked first here."
Suo rested his face on the low table, clearly sleepy. He’d been busy with so many things all week, and the calm atmosphere in Endo’s room was the complete opposite of all the chaos he’d experienced as a police officer.
It caught him off guard.
And Endo happened to know that even someone as reserved as Suo could become more honest when sleepy. When his self-control wasn’t at a hundred percent, and certain questions worked like a hypnotic spell.
“You have a knack for being a teacher, or a translator.”
“You think so…?”
“You could also open a bakery.”
“It’s rare for Endo-san to give compliments.”
“Of course, you’ve also got the looks to be a criminal.”
Suo chuckled softly, sensing Endo’s suppressed irritation in his still-flat tone.
“Why did you end up becoming a cop?” Endo repeated his question.
Suo rubbed his eyes with a pensive expression, and what appeared in his mind’s eye was the figure of Endo curled up in the corner of the room all day long. The figure of Endo who had been depressed years ago, following Takiishi’s death.
At the start of the conflict with Noroshi, Suo had always thought Endo was strong. A dangerous person, someone who lived as he pleased and wouldn’t waver no matter what. Someone who would take advantage of anything and laugh no matter the outcome.
He was wrong.
Endo actually had no foundation at all, and it only took one shock to make his world collapse. Then, he became the greatest threat to himself. Who knows how many times Suo had to throw away sleeping pills to stop Endo from swallowing them all at once. How many times he’d had to pry a knife from his hand, or cut the rope and toss the chair aside.
Endo truly had to be watched over at a certain point in his life, and that pushed Suo toward a certain thought. That he—
“…want to protect you.”
“Funny.” Endo blurted out the first word that came to mind upon hearing that reason.
Suo just nodded. “Right? Anyone would think that. Endo-san isn’t someone who needs protecting; it’s the people who need to be protected from you.”
At least, that used to be the case.
However, Suo had witnessed how Endo curled up trembling under the blanket, how he whined and hallucinated in a high fever, how he spent his days wishing for death.
And Suo had always been a child who empathized easily.
“Protecting Endo-san sounds odd, so I decided to protect society in general. That way… you’re also included in the group I need to protect.”
Endo was stunned.
Why would anyone take thinking about others this seriously? And even include someone like him?
“I don’t need--”
I don’t need to be protected.
Really?
Endo thought it over for a few seconds, leaving his sentence hanging. Because he remembered his darkest days after Takiishi was gone. There were times he’d hold a knife, or start looping a rope around his neck while standing on a chair. It was always Suo who’d appear out of nowhere, snatch the knife from his hand, and forcefully pull him down. One night he stockpiled a large amount of sleeping pills, and it was Suo who threw them away before Endo could swallow them.
Suo had always protected him, even before he graduated high school, long before he donned the blue police uniform.
So, shouldn’t he have avoided becoming a police officer?
No matter what profession Suo chose, he would always be the stubborn type to help others in need.
“Your answer is still half-hearted, huh?” Endo muttered.
And Suo just smiled without denying it. Endo clicked his tongue in dissatisfaction but stopped pressing the issue. He picked up a piece of cookie from the table, chewing it slowly as if analyzing how much butter and eggs had been mixed in, and how long it had been baked.
“Tasty?” Suo asked half-heartedly, picking up a pillow from the sofa and lying down next to the table. He set an alarm to go off in five minutes and decided Endo’s carpet was a suitable spot for that short nap.
“No,” Endo replied without thinking, but his hand reached for the same cookie again and again, until the small jar was completely empty before Suo woke up to continue writing the report he had to turn in tomorrow morning.