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The Magic Academy was a marvel of architecture. Even if its restoration was only partially completed, it has gone a long way from the ruins that stood there less than a year ago. Hulkenberg took in the grand hallways and ornate doorways with a sense of awe as Junah excitedly told her of their progress. While she thought it strange His Majesty had sent her of all people to report about the reconstruction progress – she was pretty sure this was all a ploy for her to finally leave the castle after months of constant work – she was glad for it. Stuck in an office with pile upon pile of paperwork made the changes within the kingdom sometimes hard to grasp. Seeing first hand how their projects bore fruition, however, made pride swell within her.
Junah swivelled on her heel, big hat bouncing upon her head. Hulkenberg sometimes questioned if it was magic that kept it from flying off.
“Well, what do you say?”
Junah wore a genuine grin on her face, her big eyes sparkling in excitement. Hulkenberg couldn’t help but smile at her.
“It is amazing, Lady Junah, you can be proud of your work.”
The nidia scoffed playfully and looped her arm around Hulkenberg’s own.
“Come now, none of that formality! We are friends, Hulkenberg, just Junah is fine. Really.”
Hulkenberg humoured her theatrical performance with a small chuckle and let herself be dragged along. It is true that she was quick to fall back on titles and keeping a professional distance to her peers, but her friends made sure she knew she could let her guard down around them. She was getting better at that, at least she’d like to think so.
They walked through the halls some more before Junah guided her down a long unfamiliar staircase. Looking at the other woman’s face, Hulkenberg spied a mischievous expression.
“I haven’t showed you the best part yet.”
Before Hulkenberg could question that statement, Junah flung open a door at the end of the stairs and tugged her into the room. Rows of wooden benches and tables filled the space, decorated with small plants and candles alike. At the back of the room stood a small stage, highlighted by the glowing crystals overhead. Junah snuck her way behind a counter of the same rich brown wood, the back wall lined with multi-coloured bottles. The nidia woman snatched two of the pristine looking glasses from the counter and filled them with what Hulkenberg hoped to be an anti-alcoholic beverage.
Despite the proud expression upon Junah’s face, the knight couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow.
“A tavern?”
“Yes, a tavern!”
Junah replied with utmost confidence, stating the fact as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Recognising Hulkenberg’s dubious look, she continued with a roll of her eyes.
“Listen, I know this is a place of study and research, that fact won’t change. But I will never forget how BORING it could be in the off times. There was nothing to do! The food halls were closed unless it was lunch or dinner time and there was little else to spend your time with. You can’t just make students study without respite or social interactions, they’re all going to turn into antisocial loons!”
Hulkenberg could see the logic behind her thinking even if she thought Junah was exaggerating the scenario a bit. Still, she sighed and took a seat on one of the many bar stools at the counter, shooting the other woman a disgruntled look.
“I understand. However, I do hope you have thought of keeping your assortment of drinks low on alcohol.”
Junah only giggled as a reply and instead pushed the drink she had prepared into Hulkenberg’s hand. The knight sniffed it cautiously - the scent was sweet and lacking any trace of alcohol whatsoever. She took a small sip and her lips immediately curved into a smile.
“’Tis delicious!”
“I thought you’d say that.”
Both women chuckled and clinked their glasses together before taking another drink.
“Soooo, I’ve been away from the capital for so long, it feels like I’m missing out on so much. How have you been?”
Before Hulkenberg could answer, the nidia suddenly raised her hand to stop her, shooting her a piercing look.
“And I’m talking about YOU. Not “how are things in general”, “what’s our progress” or “what’s His Highness doing”. How have YOU been?”
Hulkenberg was surprised and almost a bit offended by her friend’s tone, but in the end, she could hardly blame her. She was known to be extremely duty-bound and she could not deny that she herself measured her well-being on how well she was executing her duty as a knight.
Now that Junah had asked her so directly, she actually had to take a moment to think. How was she? It’s not a question she asked herself often. The kingdom’s woes were her woes, when the kingdom prospered, so did she. But Junah was right, she was not the kingdom, only one little cog in it.
“…I’m doing well, I suppose.”
“Aaaand?”
Hulkenberg bristled slightly under the impatience of the songstress, but she supposed this was another way of trying to get her out of her shell.
“Well, Basilio and Heismay recently brought back a big bounty from one of their missions. I must say, the mixture of interesting ingredients and Basilio’s skill at cooking was truly an enlightening experience.”
She could still feel the vegetables and meat melting on her tongue, the savoury butter and fragrant spices making the taste explode in her mouth. Oh, she had to reel herself in before she actually started drooling.
Her answer apparently appeased Junah’s curiosity somewhat as her sour expression turned more intrigued than upset. The songstress leaned forward, chin landing in the palm of her hand.
“And, what else?”
Hulkenberg thought for a moment.
“Nothing, really.”
A dramatic groan left the songstress as she slid onto the counter, forehead pressed against the wood.
“Come on, Hulkenberg, you can’t be serious. Did you seriously spend so much time in the castle for nothing to happen?”
Hulkenberg was rather intolerable towards what she could only describe as “whining” but with Junah, she had learned to let the nidia get it out of her system. It was but a mood to pass. So, she waited patiently as her friend spewed some more of her grievances.
Junah turned her pouting face towards her, expression annoyed.
“Pleeease, Hulkenberg, you are a young, gorgeous woman, you’ve GOT to have more going on than pushing papers and babysitting our king.”
The knight felt her eyebrow twitch at the offending choice of words. Usually, she would not let a comment towards His Highness slide this easily, even if Junah was a close friend to both the king and herself, but she had told herself to endure it. Just let her mood pass, Eiselin…
“You cannot seriously be only about work. What of your private life? Has no one caught your fancy yet?”
Hulkenberg blinked wide-eyed at the songstress. That was not a question she had expected, if only for the fact that Junah would even presume something like that was important to her in times like these.
“No, I cannot say anyone has. To be honest, matters like these have never crossed my mind.”
Junah gasped openly at her, looking more offended than surprised. Hulkenberg could only answer with a deadpan look of her own.
“Never crossed your- are you being serious? I mean, I can understand in the later half of our journey that other matters had a way higher priority and the last year has been hectic as is, but not even at the start of your journey? Are you honestly telling me you spent weeks alone with two handsome boys in close quarters and you never even took a second look at them?”
Hulkenberg jerked back at the accusation. How could Junah even imply that she would harbour thoughts like that towards His Highness?! That would be an unforgivable sin for a knight! She told the songstress as much, who in turn only rolled her eyes.
“Oh, come now, you didn’t even know he was the Prince back then.”
“Still! I would never even think to look at His Highness that way! Be that now or in retrospect!”
She leaned back with a huff, trying to will away the feeling of shame swelling inside her. She knew that the king considered her a close friend, as did she with him, but she could not just cross that line between them, no matter how kind and considerate His Majesty was to her.
Junah looked unimpressed by her outburst, unapologetically sighing. She raised an eyebrow.
“And what of Strohl?”
Hulkenberg opened her mouth to refute this implication as well but found herself frozen. Now that she thought about it, what was her opinion of Strohl? Like His Highness, he had been part of their journey from the beginning, even longer than her. From the start she had recognized his wit and determination, and for that she held him in high regards. However, as she had gotten to know him as well as she did, she also knew that he would often act on impulse and let his smarts run his mouth. Those were attributes she found quite vexing about him.
Junah perked up at her hesitance, lips curling into a mischievous grin.
“Oh my, don’t tell me I have struck gold?”
Hulkenberg bristled, an unknown feeling of upset roiling in her stomach.
“N-no, do not take my moment of thought as a sign of embarrassment. Your question just made me realize I had never quite given my relationship with him much thought.”
Junah hummed in response.
“I get it, I think. You guys have known each other the longest, including Will, of course. With everything that happened I guess any change would be so natural that you wouldn’t really perceive it as one in the first place.”
Hulkenberg nodded slowly. Now that Junah had pointed it out, the knight found herself going through their adventure in her mind, analysing their interactions in a new light. Both of them started out quite rigid with each other, but now that she looked back, they quickly became rather informal in their interactions, already ribbing at each other by the time they pursued Heismay. Not even His Highness or Gallica had had the gall to call her something as unflattering as “the all-devouring she-beast”. Even over a year later that comment still made her blood boil, even if it had been said in jest.
If there was one moment that truly changed her perception of him, however, it would have to be his speech after Louis’ presumed death.
“Do you truly wheep?”
Strohl had always been about righteousness and fighting for justice, but only in that moment had it really sunk in how much pain her comrade had truly endured. Seeing him wheep openly, seeing him be so vulnerable had made her realize that beyond the noble young warrior was still just a lonely, broken boy trying to fight for what he had lost. It had stirred a determination in her, a motivation to see their goal through and protect not only His Highness and the country, but him as well.
Hulkenberg startled as Junah’s hand grasped at her arm. When she looked up, the songstress’ gaze was both amused and a bit concerned.
“Hey, I’m sorry if I pushed some funny ideas into your head. I only wanted to tease you a bit, don’t think too hard about it, okay?”
She shook her head slightly, both to dispel her roaming thoughts and to indicate no fault towards her friend. Junah leaned back, regarding her with a thoughtful expression.
“You know, for what it’s worth, I think you two would make a great pair.”
“Lady Junah!”
Hulkenberg startled at her own outburst. How could such a small quip suddenly make such a flustering feeling rumble inside her?
Junah for her part laughed and held her hands up guiltily.
“I don’t necessarily mean a ROMANTIC pair! I just think you two work well together. Now that I think about it, you two already kind of work as a pair, don’t you? You guys were always at the helm of our strategy meetings and even now you work in tandem.”
The songstress threw her an accusing look, only broken by the smirk she could not quite hide.
“Can you really fault me for thinking like that then?”
Hulkenberg grunted weakly and slouched back in her seat. Despite herself, she averted her eyes. She did not enjoy Junah’s implications, not one bit. What she disliked even more was the fluttering feeling in her chest and the heat on her cheeks. Was she really getting flustered by such harmless teasing?
Or was it really the person she was teased about that elicited such a response from her?
Junah just laughed.
“Well, I will leave you with that food for thought.”
Three weeks later found Hulkenberg back in the castle. Back in her routine of paperwork and keeping His Highness in check. And she really needed that routine right now. As much as she told herself the conversation with Junah had only been an embarrassing moment to move on from, she found the topic came back to her again and again.
It was not like she had never lost a thought on romance and her future before, after all, growing up in an aristocratic family she had been raised on certain expectations. But just as she had abandoned her family’s dream of her being a political figure, she had discarded the image of her being some noble’s wife and nothing more. She had carved her own path and one that she was proud of.
Still, even if she could not picture herself starting her own family and settling down, she was surprised that the thought of romance did not repel her. After all, she was but a person, and the thought of having someone to be emotionally and physically intimate with was something to be desired.
This, however, brought about the other seedling Junah had planted in her mind – her feelings for and relationship with Strohl. If asked, she would say she harboured no romantic interest in her comrade. But if she was forced to point out one person from her close circle of friends as a potential partner, he seemed the most likely candidate for her to fancy. His Highness was completely out of the question, as were Gallica and Neuras. Heismay, as much respect as she held for him, was an old soul she would feel inadequate to sooth, not to mention she could not find it in herself to find his animalistic body attractive. Basilio was a brash but kind man, but his utter lack of tact and disrespect for formalities would surely make fights a constant in that relationship. Both Junah and Eupha were lovely women, but Hulkenberg felt that she harboured too starstruck feelings for Junah still, and young Eupha obviously had her eyes on someone else already.
Which left her with Strohl. Who, she was horrified to admit, she would not be opposed to be seen as a pair with.
Hulkenberg pinched the bridge of her nose and growled as she felt her cheeks heat.
“My, my, it is not often you see the Lady Knight this openly disgruntled. What ails you so, Hulkenberg?”
Her eyes raised at the voice. Heismay was leisurely strolling down the hallway, claws scratching his chin. His expression turned from amused to intrigued as he came to a stop in front of her.
“Heismay, greetings. I-it is nothing, just some stray thoughts that will not leave me alone.”
Heismay studied her for a moment, his scrutinizing gaze making her feel just a bit uneasy. Despite his small stature and adorable appearance (something she would never admit out loud), the eugief had a grander presence than most other knights she knew. While her title officially put her a rank higher than him, the respect she held for him made her spine go rigid. “Like being judged by your father” as His Majesty would say.
A breath left through Heismay’s nose.
“At ease, young knight. Please excuse my prying, it is just very unusual to see you this out of sorts. Even some of the new recruits seem to have caught onto your unrest.”
A wave of shame washed over her. Had she really been that absentminded even the untrained youth could perceive it? She had thought throwing herself into work would disguise her rising uneasiness, but apparently, she had fooled no one but herself.
“My apologies, Heismay. I do not mean to brush off your concerns, but it is a topic of no great importance.”
The older knight flicked his ears at her statement.
“I would not downplay its importance. If it is something to bother you this visibly, then it is something worth discussing. I might not be the person you would like to confide in, but I am here if you need someone to listen.”
Hulkenberg felt warmth swell in her chest. Heismay truly was a caretaker at heart and she felt touched by his concern. Yet, the topic at hand was just…
She leaned back against the wall, arms moving to cross before her. Again, the unfamiliar unease grumbled in her stomach. She flicked her gaze to her fellow knight. Heismay’s stance was relaxed, face open and patient.
“Thank you, truly. It is just…This whole ordeal is rather embarrassing.”
Heismay did not react, in fact, he stood still as a statue. Except, of course, for the halted movement of his ears snapping upwards. A miniscule, well-hidden movement, yet Hulkenberg caught the reaction nonetheless. The flustering feeling intensified when she realized Heismay’s interest was piqued.
“You remember my visit to the Magic Academy a few weeks back, yes? Well, Lady Junah asked to have a more private chat and it turned a bit more…girly.”
Hulkenberg would never admit it, but she felt quite satisfied at the sour expression that crossed Heismay’s features for a split second.
“She had asked me if there was anyone I was interested in and the conversation brought forth some revelations, both internal and external.”
Heismay cocked his head at her statement. He had yet to react in any significant way, but by his apt attention she was sure he was intrigued by the topic.
Hulkenberg was not sure how to phrase the next question. She could not just ask Heismay outright what he thinks her and Strohl’s relationship was like. Not only would it be inappropriate, but she would also rather fight a hoard of sandworms before asking something so embarrassing. Not to mention, she wasn’t even sure of her own feelings towards the young commander.
But there was another part of her conversation with Junah that wouldn’t leave her mind.
“Say, do Strohl and myself look like a pair to you?”
The question seemed to catch Heismay off guard as his expression morphed into palpable shock. He stood still for a few moments before shaking his head, features now turning thoughtful.
“What exactly do you mean by “pair”?”
“Lady Junah mentioned that she saw us as a unit, since we always work together. She made it sound so obvious I started to doubt my own perception of the situation. Do people truly perceive the two of us as a pair? Heismay, you have been with us the longest except for the king, how did you see us when we met?”
Hulkenberg had not even realized she was pacing until she came to a stop in front of the eugief. Heismay watched her with wide eyes, though he looked more bemused than anything. Claw going back to his chin, he gave a drawn-out hum.
“I admit, I understand where young Junah got this idea from. While not immediately thinking of you two as an item, it would be dishonest of me to state I did not have my suspicions.”
Heismay turned his gaze skyward, quite chuckle leaving him as he seemed to recall something amusing.
“I will never quite forget how you tried to lure me out of my hiding spot only to start bickering with each other. I was also not surprised when this behaviour continued in our journey.”
“We do not bicker!”
Again, a small, good-natured quip made her heckles rise.
Bickering, was that how their discussions were perceived? Hulkenberg always interpreted their disagreements only as such - disagreements. Even if their back and forth often stemmed from inconsequential conflicts.
Heismay laughed.
“You say that, dear Lady Knight, yet I recall more than one instance of Strohl grabbing you by the cape and talking you out of hunting some unknown beast to feast on. Or how you would reprimand him for his carelessness and daredevilry.”
Hulkenberg stared at the eugief, a weird sense of dread settling over her. She could not deny any of his statements.
Every time she spotted some new appetizing rarity, “Don’t even think about eating it.” came to her mind before Strohl could even open his mouth. Same with how reprimand and counter-arguments lay ready on her tongue every time they held late night strategy meetings. Even now, when sometimes on separate missions for weeks on end, she still heard his voice in her mind. For some reason, she found herself hoping the same counted for him too.
Hulkenberg startled at the thought. Did she truly wish for something like that? And if so, what did that imply?
Heismay watched her patiently as she processed her thoughts, studying her carefully before continuing to speak.
“Listen, Hulkenberg, being perceived in a certain way can easily lead to unfounded assumptions, something I know you are aware of. But I know as well that this is not something you care about. No, I think this matter is more than you just being afraid of your or Strohl’s image.”
He looked her over once again before a sigh left his lips.
“What exactly ails you, I cannot know. However, I am pretty certain you do not know either. What I can say is that this superficial fear is not the root cause of your distress. Look inside yourself, young knight, and I am sure you will find the answer.”
Heismay ended his words of advice with a nod. He walked up to her, patted her gently on her thigh and continued along the hallway. Hulkenberg did not turn back to watch him go, gaze frozen on the spot upon the carpet he had stood on before.
“Look inside yourself, young knight.”
This, Hulkenberg thought sullenly, was what she was actually afraid of.
Hulkenberg was a knight of honour, she was not someone to stand down against impossible odds. Especially of the emotional kind. No, fears were to be conquered. And to conquer your fears, you had to face them. And facing them meant seeking out the source and standing your ground before said source. And as an honourable knight Hulkenberg would do just that.
It was shameful to admit it had taken over two weeks for her honourable knighthood to come through. Ever since her conversation with Heismay, her thoughts ran rampant. “Look inside yourself” he had said, but the more she looked the more she wanted to avert her gaze.
It was like venturing into a bottomless pit. Every time she believed to set foot at the bottom, she would find a new thought that led her down deeper and deeper. Worst of all, the more she scrutinized every stray feeling and memory she came across, the more uncertain she grew. Her own feelings should hold the answer, no? So, why was she growing ever more conflicted?
If her upset had bled through before, then it was on full display now. Younger recruits and sheepish nobles made a wide berth around her, so much her distress was showing. Worst of all, her friends did not know how to approach her either. His Majesty had imprisoned himself behind his work desk if only because her last reprimand was more an outburst of anger that had shaken him quite a bit. She was sure he was not scared of her, but it was shameful how he tried to appease her with obedience.
Heismay did not address their conversation directly either, but he often left her with gentle words of encouragement. Eupha and Basilio acted mostly normal around her, the amount of offered foods and treats, however, also indicated they were trying to comfort her.
And Strohl…
Her interactions with him were the most shameful of all. That being, she had not spoken a single word with him for the last two weeks. Every time she would spot him on castle grounds, she would turn on her heel and walk the other direction before she could even comprehend his presence. It was disgraceful, she could not justify it, yet she could not stop herself either. Each and every time, her conversations with Junah and Heismay would flood back into her mind and the constricting unease would settle in her stomach.
But no more. It had taken her two weeks, but she would face that fear today. She would act normally around him and her friends, distressed or not. She was a knight for His Highness’ sake, a bit of emotional unrest was not going to break her professionalism!
…
At least, that had been the plan.
It was to her great surprise to find out both Strohl and Basilio’s squads were sent out to deal with a Human that had been reported to close in on a nearby village. Not only was it disgraceful to be this out of the loop of their countries dangers as a high-ranking military official, but a petty side of Hulkenberg was cursing the workings of fate to throw such a wrench in her plans.
It left her drained of all energy and she ended up passing His Highness document after document like a mindless automaton. The change from her anger to numbness did not pass past the king and his fairy companion. All day they had shared concerned glances and shot just as many her way. She paid it little mind, sullen as she was, that was until the two started whispering among each other. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched their heated debate, which she quickly realized was about who would approach her first.
His Majesty was shielding his lips so she could not see him talk, his other hand, however, gave away his intentions as he kept pointing her way. Gallica was no better at hiding her displeasure, stomping the air in defiance and stabbing her finger accusingly against the king’s cheek. Hulkenberg decided to elevate them from their fight with a loud sigh.
“You do not have to tiptoe around me. If you have anything to say, please do so freely.”
The duo startled back, expressions those of a child caught with their hand in a cooky jar. They laughed sheepishly, scratching at their cheek and neck and looking off to the side guiltily. His Majesty was first to recover, casting his worried gaze upon her.
“You’re avoiding Strohl, aren’t you?”
Hulkenberg closed her eyes and hid her clenching fists behind her back. She should have guessed the king with his incredible perceptive skills would pick up on exactly what she was doing. There were many perks of being close to His Highness, this was not one of them.
“…yes. Shameful as it is to admit, I have been avoiding him.”
Gallica scoffed loudly.
“I knew it. No wonder Strohl’s been such a downer.”
Her heart gave a little stutter.
Cautiously, Hulkenberg opened her eyes and watched as the fairy eventually approached. She tried to keep her curiosity at her statement hidden behind an impartial stare.
“Oh, has he?”
Like opening the floodgates, Gallica’s temper got the better of her and she started her rambling complaint.
“Don’t even get me started! He would constantly come in searching for you, having to discuss this and that and “She’s never available when you need her” and stuff like that. At first, I bought it but at some point it was getting ridiculous.”
The fairy was zipping left and right, arms swinging around from her aggravation. Hulkenberg listened to her with apt attention, fluttery feeling blooming in her chest.
Her avoidance had an impact on him? For some reason, beyond the guilt she was feeling, something else was stirring inside her. Was that excitement? …hope?
His Highness laughed along to Gallica’s tirade, giving small inputs to downplay her theatrical retellings. Once the fairy had finished airing her grievances and His Majesty calmed from his fit of laughter, he turned to address his knight.
“Well, would you mind sharing why you have?”
Hulkenberg flicked her eyes towards the window, unease spreading through her. She trusted His Majesty, Gallica as well, and yet somehow this topic felt inappropriate to discuss with her king. But looking back at him, the one returning her gaze was not His Highness but Will, her friend. The friend she had already confided in before and only had come out a better person because of it.
And was it not fair to discuss something that concerned another close comrade of theirs?
Despite her reservations, Hulkenberg relayed her conflicting and confusing feelings she had been facing ever since her talk with Junah and subsequently Heismay. It was quite the embarrassing ordeal, but His Majesty and Gallica only listened patiently for her to finish.
She finished with an uneasy breath and watched as the duo shared a look.
“I see.”
His Majesty was quiet, thoughtful at her admission. Considering Gallica’s pinched expression, she was not one to share his understanding.
“Wait, so let me get this straight.”
The fairy resumed her place hovering right before her face.
“Junah asked you if you liked Strohl, which you couldn’t answer. This made you panic. Heismay in turn told you to look closer at your feelings, and that somehow made it worse?”
Hulkenberg felt her cheeks heat.
“Yes, in essence that is correct.”
She could tell Gallica was not trying to let any offending expression onto her face, but the small fairy looked at her like a bizarre object she could not quite decipher.
“What are you so afraid of?”
The king piped up quietly, yet Hulkenberg immediately heard him. He sat leaned back in his chair, feather pen tapping onto the blank sheet beneath it. His brows were knit in concern.
She searched his face for an answer she couldn’t quite grasp.
“If I had to say... it is the unknown. The not-knowing. It feels like I have spent so much time with a perception that was far from reality. I keep looking inside, I keep finding more, yet it seems I just cannot understand.”
His Majesty gave a soft hum. A quiet settled over the room for a moment.
“Well, what do you want?”
Hulkenberg jerked at His Majesty’s voice.
“Uhm, excuse me?”
Something in Hulkenberg’s tone must have snapped the king out of his musings as he flinched back slightly. He raised his hands to wave them fervently.
“Oh! That came out wrong, I’m sorry. I just wanted to know, what are you trying to achieve with understanding your feelings?”
Hulkenberg blinked slowly, processing His Majesty’s words. Try as she might, she could still not follow. The source of her distress WERE her conflicting feelings, no? So, she had to understand them to get rid of the unease.
“I’m sorry, Your Highness, I’m not quite sure what you mean.”
His Majesty offered a pitying look as he continued.
“Hulkenberg, what I’m trying to ask is what you intend to do with the information once you have it. What is your goal? Would knowing change anything? Once you know, would you want to change anything about your relationship with Strohl? What action would you like to take?”
Hulkenberg felt herself still. The questions rang true, what truly was her goal in all of this? Yes, Junah had shaken loose something that was evidently there, a stray thought somewhere at the back of her mind. Yet, to what end was she agonizing over this? All it had caused was for her to shake up their established bond and discomfort for both sides.
What her long lost hours of sleep had taught her was that she was, in fact, curious about Strohl. That much she could admit. Maybe it was that intrigue what caused her to spiral this far. She was adamant about her respect for him, and she did pride herself in knowing him well. Yet, if she thought about it any deeper, she knew what kind of person Strohl was, but nothing about him. Neither did he know anything substantial about her.
So, if this agonizing had to lead to one goal it would be…
“I think, I would like to get to know him better.”
A simple statement, not quite the grand revelation she had thought she was working towards, yet somehow still a weight off her shoulders.
Her reply seemed to please the king, as a gentle smile rose to his lips.
“See? There you go! Now you have a clear way forward. But, do yourself a favour, Hulkenberg, take it a bit easier.”
“’Tis magnificent!”
What a marvellous, tastefully rich experience this was! Hulkenberg could not even describe the myriads of spices und herbs that were dancing on her tongue. The texture of the sea food was most curious as well. Chewy and juicy, yet every new bite brought forth a satisfying crunch. And the side dish! She would never have thought that a plant similar to beet roots could have a mix of such hearty yet bitter flavours. And the combination of everything made for a truly unforgettable experience.
Basilio’s laughter was booming, big grin shining against his dark ashen skin. It was an open secret that Hulkenberg was a regular in his kitchen – officially still the soldiers’ canteen – but she still could not quite get used to seeing him all done up in a colourful apron and hairband. A present of Lady Junah’s, apparently. She would admit, however, that he wore it well. It made the berserker look a lot calmer and happier.
“I knew I could count on you to have some good taste, Hulkenberg!”
Her fellow knight took back her empty plate with gusto, already moving on to the next dish. As he assembled what appeared to be a delightful looking dessert, he threw her a pouting look.
“Ya know, the paripuss soldiers LOVED that dish. The others…not so much.”
He barked out a laugh.
“I tell ya, Strohl got so green in the face I thought he might just throw up.”
Hulkenberg did not partake in Basilio’s delight, she had seen Strohl near empty-stomaching one too many times across their journey to find the situation amusing, yet she let the paripuss have his fun.
Basilio had returned only a day ago, giving his mission report and very smugly relaying that Strohl’s platoon would deal with “clean up duty” – all the while not quite realising, he was admitting to making a high-risk mission into a battle competition with the young commander.
“And I totally won!”
Hulkenberg had given him the earful he had deserved for such insolent behaviour. However, Basilio had his street smarts, he knew just how to sway her. That being with good food and his incredible cooking.
At the mention of the clemar, Hulkenberg already expected the now familiar clenching of her stomach. Since her talk with His Majesty, she had learnt to deal with her feelings a lot better. With a clear goal in mind, she could channel her rampaging thoughts in a certain direction and not make herself spiral as much.
Still, with Strohl still being out of reach, she was left with stewing in her thoughts and feelings, which made her highly alert to anything to do with the young commander. Basilio had only told the barebones of their mission, which thankfully had ended without any casualties, so it was hard to glean Strohl’s state of mind.
According to what Gallica had said, her avoidance had caused quite the distress. On one hand, Hulkenberg despised the idea her friend was upset because of her actions, yet another part of her wished that this disturbance in their status quo would light a flame of curiosity within him just as bright as it had in her.
Basilio was still rattling off facts and reactions to the ingredients he had used, all the while finishing his dessert with a flourish of cream on top. He placed the dish in front of her and despite the amount of food he had already presented, Hulkenberg immediately felt her mouth water.
The dessert was a mound of juicy, dark reds of what she could only assume to be a variety of fruits. Specs of bright yellow peaked from within the serving and the cream was making small waterfalls run down the sides.
The hilt of a spoon entered her vision. Basilio held it out to her with a confident smile, aura also betraying a kind of smugness. She accepted the utensil with a quiet thank you and did not wait a second longer to dive in.
Usually, she would exclaim her delight with a meaningful statement, but the explosion of taste left her with but a high-pitched squeal. She could not fathom how good that dessert was, she almost wanted to kick her feet in excitement. She went in for another bite and despite her ravenous appetite she chewed slowly and tried to truly savour every flavour.
The red fruits were firm yet juicy, being both incredibly sweet yet with a tang of bitterness. Every other bite threw a small crunch into the mix, adding a short stab of salt to round out the overwhelming taste. Everything was topped off heavenly with the heavy cream.
In her bliss, Hulkenberg had not noticed Basilio fall quiet. Neither had she noticed him watching her carefully, evidently debating something within himself.
“Say, did you and Strohl break up?”
An especially bitter-sweet fruit clogged in her throat, immediately cutting off her breathing. Hulkenberg hacked and gagged and hit her chest with immense power, all the while Basilio started to panic and scream loudly. A cold glass was suddenly pushed into her hands and Hulkenberg spared not another moment to down the drink in one big gulp.
Thankfully, the flow of water took the offending fruit down with it, eventually freeing her airways. She was still gasping and coughing a bit, but air was entering her lungs and that was all that mattered.
Basilio stood there like a frightened alley cat, ears and hairs standing on end in his shock. His mouth closed and opened like a fish’ while he waved his arms around her in an indecisive motion to try and help her.
Only once her breathing calmed a bit did he manage to shout out some words.
“Holy shit, are you okay?!”
Hulkenberg usually berated him on his heavy use of profanities, but this time she could not agree more with the sentiment. How such a delightful dish could turn deadly so quickly was unfathomable. She felt betrayed.
Basilio was leaning heavily on the countertop in front of him, entering her personal space a bit too much for her liking. By the way his tail wagged in distress, however, she could not blame him for trying to get a closer look.
She leaned back a bit, one hand settling on her still heaving chest and halting his approach with the other.
“I’m sorry for this shameful display, I am alright now. Thank you for your assistance.”
Hulkenberg looked down at what was left of her dessert. In the haste to help her Basilio had knocked over the bowl, splattering the insides across the table. Wrinkling her nose, she had to realize some bits of half-eaten fruit hid amongst the spillage. The poor treat looked like carnage.
“I must also apologize for disgracing your cooking like this. It was magnificent, truly.”
They both hung their heads over the rest of the dessert and Hulkenberg could not help but think like they were attending a funeral.
She was almost swept up in this comedically bizarre moment when the initial trigger for this whole disturbance came back to her mind.
“Basilio, could you please repeat what you’ve asked me before?”
Blinking out of his stupor, the paripuss looked at her for a few moments before the question hit him.
“Oh, I just wanted ta know if you and Strohl broke up. Bloke’s been kinda off kilter.”
Hulkenberg pinched the bridge of her nose.
“Basilio, did you think Strohl and I were in relationship?”
“Are you not?”
“No, we are not.”
The paripuss stared at her with big eyes, she could almost see the cogs turning behind them. He almost looked unnerving, red slitted eyes trained directly on her. If his expression didn’t look quite as lost, she would be getting uneasy under that stare.
Basilio heaved a heavy sigh all of a sudden, body all but crumpling onto the countertop. He looked, dare she say, relieved?
“Oh, OH, oh my lord, thank goodness.”
Hulkenberg’s eyes went to slits, his reaction in the context of the conversation not quite welcome. Basilio was too caught up in losing an invisible weight to notice her displeasure.
“Man, I thought I was goin’ crazy! Cos, ya know, I never thought of you two as an item and then you suddenly avoid the guy like he caught the plague and he gets all mopey. I thought I was the only one out of the loop!”
As he rambled on, Hulkenberg could feel her cheeks warm in shame. What a distressing image she had produced with her attitude. Not to mention what turbulence she had caused another of her comrades. However, his phrasing did make dread settle in her stomach.
“Wait. Basilio, are you implying other people see us as a couple?”
Basilio laughed like she had asked him if the sky was blue.
“Oh, totally. I was scratching my brain why Strohl was all angry and uptight for a while when I heard the soldiers say somethin’ about you finally dumping him. And ya know, I thought since you didn’t talk to him at all, there’s gotta be some merit to it. Made me question my whole reality for a sec there.”
Hulkenberg buried her face in her hands, rubbing her forehead to prevent the approaching headache. She had come to terms with a lot of the conversations she had had over the weeks, yet she had hoped “seen as a pair” would not be a topic to crop up again before she could sort out her feelings. Even worse, she had little doubt that her own actions only pushed rumour mills to the extreme.
She shook her head. No, she could not get caught up in her embarrassment again. Her Highness had so graciously given her a direction to work towards – and left her with the plea to not exhaust herself – so she would try to stomach the flustering unease. The goal was to get to know Strohl better, that would be the road that let her to understanding herself.
Hulkenberg looked over the rim of her cupped hands. She was thankful that, as wild and brash as Basilio was, he was also incredibly emotionally intelligent. Sometimes she found herself envying his skill to read other people.
Instead of staring her down and prodding her for a reaction, he had busied himself with washing the few dishes she had already eaten clean. The sad remnants of her dessert were still spilled out before her, but the bowl and bigger bits of fruit had already vanished from the countertop.
As respectful as Basilio tried to be, he still kept throwing her glances during his work. She could tell he was both worried and incredibly curious, as his wagging tail empathised. Hulkenberg steadied herself with a deep breath. No need for embarrassment, no need to spiral.
“Tell me, was Strohl truly in such a foul mood?”
Basilio halted his movement, now turning to give her his full attention.
“Oh, oh yeah, dude was grumbling the whole carriage ride. Stopped quick though once we had to gear up.”
The paripuss furrowed his brows before shaking his head.
“Gotta say, I don’t think you’re wholly to blame here. I think he was on edge a bunch because of the mission, hit a bit too close to home.”
Hulkenberg felt the heat drain from her face. Now that Basilio had pointed it out, it did sound far too similar to what had happened to Strohl himself. His wet, grief-stricken face crossed her mind’s eye and she immediately felt the guilt rise in her throat. Basilio scratched the back of his head and continued.
“That mission only came up after you’ve started avoiding ‘im, so I guess that just amplified his foul mood.”
He wrinkled his brows and Hulkenberg could see he was biting the inside of his cheek. He looked conflicted.
“…you know, it ain’t my place to tell you this, but I think the reason he got so angry about your behaviour was cos he can’t bring himself to go to the king.”
Hulkenberg perked up at that. She angled her head slightly to catch her friend’s eye.
“Could you elaborate on that?”
He searched her face for a moment before snapping his gaze to the side.
“It’s hard to describe, and I dunno if he himself even realises all the quiet comments he drops here and there, but I think some of the missions take a toll on him. I mean, we know he got a smart head on his shoulders – between you, him and Heismay I bet you guys could lead a whole army. But even if he’s grown a lot more confident, when you catch him stare down on all those strategy plans for hours on end, you kinda end up noticing how little faith he has in himself sometimes.”
Basilio leaned against countertop, not noticing or caring that his apron was soaking up the blood red liquids on its surface.
“But, you know, even if we all know the king’s got our backs, I think he tries to avoid troubling him with anything, small as the issue might be.”
Hulkenberg seized up when the paripuss’ eyes shot her way. They didn’t look angry or accusing, but she still found herself shrink under his gaze.
“I think that’s why he comes to you.”
As if unlocking some hidden compartment of her mind, everything clicked into place. Of course she could not immediately deny any attraction to Strohl - the two of them sought each other out for the same reasons after all. Of course they would be seen as a pair - in an attempt not to burden their friend and king, they relied on each other instead. Of course it scared her to dig deeper into her feelings - if she did, she would uncover how heavily they depended on each other.
Hulkenberg had to shake her head to recover from the revelations that hit her. These strong feelings that had emerged from within were no new development, they stemmed from the deep understanding and reliance that had formed between them a long time ago. Like holding up a mirror, she was surprised to see how many of her own insecurities reflected back at her. Understandable, in some semblance, as their current positions asked a lot of the same from them. And as arguably the closest confidants to His Highness, she could empathize heavily with Strohl’s unwillingness to burden the young king any further.
Only now did the last year truly flow through her mind – the late strategy meetings where she had to talk him out of his own recklessness while she silently encouraged minimizing the involvement of the king. The unspoken support between them when throwing out idealistic hypothesis and being granted solid advice. The few quiet moments they shared before the soldiers filed in for the day.
And her own petty embarrassment attacked the small respite they found in each other.
Hulkenberg leaned back in her chair, straightening her spine and taking a deep breath that filled her lungs. She held it in, letting the feeling of shame and anger wash over her. Unacceptable. Her behaviour, her assumptions, her selfishness. All of it was unacceptable.
But no more. Hulkenberg was an honourable knight. A knight faced their fears and fought for what is right. If the wrongs are of her own making, then it was her responsibility to rectify that.
With a huff she let the air out of her system. Locking her eyes onto Basilio’s, she spoke with determination.
“I have to apologize to him.”
Basilio grinned.
“You better do that! I’ve had enough of him moping about, you know.”
She felt lighter now that the storm of conflicting feelings had finally calmed somewhat. In her excitement over eventually understanding the foundation of her strong feelings, she had grown overzealous and had fooled herself into thinking she had figured out every part of the complex web of emotions she was facing.
Now on a stroll out on the streets of Grand Trad – recommended by Basilio and heavily encouraged by the king – Hulkenberg could air out her mind to think properly. While a heavy weight had lifted from her chest, the fluttering unease in her stomach still prevailed. She understood the unspoken bond she shared with Strohl now, yet she doubted she truly understood the depth of her feelings completely.
“Oh, Lady Hulkenberg, it is so nice to finally see you out of the castle!”
A delightful voice reached her ears and Hulkenberg was already smiling when she turned to face Eupha. The young priestess jogged up to her, face shining with a warm expression.
“Eupha, hello. I’m glad to see you. I hope you are doing well?”
The mustari nodded enthusiastically, excitement basically radiating off of her.
“Oh, I am doing wonderful! I just left Lady Brigitta’s place, and I am very happy to announce that her shop will officially be sponsoring their toys for all our new orphanages!”
Hulkenberg mirrored her young friend’s joy – those were certainly amazing news! Despite Eupha being in charge of the Grand Trad’s court, she was still heavily involved with the other religious groups. Her constant conversation with the Sanctist church also made her part of many charity projects the church oversaw. The building of new orphanages and the subsequent involvement of the Magic Igniter shop were wholly the mustari’s idea, however.
Hulkenberg congratulated her once more before their conversation shifted to idle small talk. They resumed walking, passing by the many markets that lined the streets near the Grand Cathedral. The young priestess was all in all in good spirit, yet the knight couldn’t shake the feeling that she was being carefully observed.
Eupha’s third eye never blinked and always had a half-lidded look to it, yet she felt its gaze trained on her constantly. Once a lull entered their conversation, Eupha slowed her step before stopping altogether a few paces behind her. Hulkenberg turned back to face her, watching her fiddle with the cloth of her robe. It was very uncharacteristic of the young mustari to not voice her mind, even if she was seen as the shiest of their group.
“Lady Hulkenberg, are you alright?”
Hulkenberg inclined her head, the sudden concern coming as a surprise.
“I am doing just fine. Why do you ask? Is something the matter?”
Eupha waved her hands for a short moment before composing herself.
“No, nothing of the sort. I have just been a bit worried. For the last few weeks, you’ve seemed very upset. So much so that it even showed in your magla.”
The priestess’ gaze flit to the side.
“Will said you were doing better, and the flow of your magla has calmed a lot, but to me it still looks like you feel ill at ease.”
Hulkenberg couldn’t help but huff. His Majesty sure liked to meddle in other’s affairs. The knight felt bad for her friend, however, as this admission seemed to leave her guilt-ridden. Her king was right about one thing - she was doing better. Her feelings were not quite sorted out yet, some depths not yet reached, but her swirl of emotions had untangled enough for her mind to be clear.
So, she approached the young priestess and laid her hand on her shoulder. Eupha finally rose her gaze and locked eyes with the knight.
“You are right, Eupha. There are some thoughts that have plagued me for quite some time now. While I feel like I have figured out some parts, I must admit that there is a lot that leaves me feeling uncertain.”
The mustari’s features slowly turned to one of understanding.
“Would you like to talk about it?”
Hulkenberg smiled gently.
“If you will have me.”
After deliberating a bit, they ended up settled on a bench overlooking the vastness of the city. A soft wind was blowing, just strong enough to push the hair out of their faces. Eupha sat straight but relaxed, eyes closed and presumably meditating in the breeze. Hulkenberg followed suit, calming her breath and freeing her thoughts, yet she kept her eyes on her friend.
For a while, they sat in companionable silence, until Eupha breathed deep then slowly let the air out through her nostrils. She opened her eyes.
“Please excuse the rude assumption, but is your distress because of Strohl?”
When the young priestess looked her way, her gaze was questioning but firm. Hulkenberg chuckled silently to herself – she would have been surprised if Eupha of all people had not caught on to the truth of the situation.
“It is indeed. However, it is not by his fault I am this conflicted.”
It felt good, being able to admit as much without her pulse shooting through her veins, even when the flutter in her chest persisted.
Eupha gave a short hum.
“From what the king has told me, and from what I have observed myself, it seems that you are battling with an uncertainty strong enough to upset the foundation of your feelings for him.”
Hulkenberg could do little but confirm her suspicions.
For a few thoughtful moments, Eupha stayed quiet. Her gaze was downcast, directed inwards.
A hushed question left her lips.
“Hulkenberg, do you love him?”
The question sent a shockwave through her body, embers dancing all over her skin. Yet, the feeling was not completely unwelcome. Like a wake-up call, it felt like she had been waiting for someone to finally ask that specific question out right. A question she had been too scared to ask herself.
Did she love him?
“I must admit, I do not know the answer.”
Her hands clenched on her thighs, eyes raising to the endless expanse of the sky.
“And it irks me to confess this, but I do not know how to find the answer either.”
Again, a quiet, understanding hum.
“I think I might know a way.”
Hulkenberg snapped her gaze back to her companion. There was a gentle yet somehow sad expression on Eupha’s face.
“We mustari hide behind our helmets all our lives. It is a sign of deep trust should we bare our faces to each other. There are other customs that resemble that show of affection as well, yet in my journey, I have found a lot of these traditions fall short. They may deliver a message, but they do not help you find out what you truly want to convey.”
Eupha looked down at her hands. Her eyes were slightly glazed, sight stuck somewhere in a past memory.
“What it takes is communication. Someone to talk to, someone who listens. You have to say it out loud for yourself to truly realize where your heart is trying to lead you.”
Her hands turn to fists, nails digging into her skin. There was a small smile on Eupha’s face, but Hulkenberg saw the strain she put herself under for the bitterness not to show.
“It is freeing – to tell the one your heart cries out for what you feel. It gives you a common ground to stand on, even if that common ground turns out to be an understanding that it could not quite work as you wish it to.”
Hulkenberg felt her heart ache for her friend. She was no fool, neither was she blind. His Highness and Eupha shared a bond no one could quite match. It was different from his connection with Gallica, built on an entirely different kind of understanding. Hulkenberg could see it in the small stolen moments she unbiddenly witnessed through not quite closed doors. It was no show of excessive intimacy or conversations rather unheard, but just peaceful coexistence that bordered an idyllic dream.
However, the serenity wasn’t everlasting – the responsibilities as a king and the symbolic head of a religion and tribe put a spotlight on the two that made such moments scarce and all too short. Hulkenberg could tell it burdened them both, but she understood they clung to the when and not the if. The connection was there, it was just not the right time to let things play out as they ultimately would.
Eupha finally raised her gaze, looking at Hulkenberg with determination in her eyes.
“Still, I believe it better for the flood of emotions to be released than letting them eat you from inside.”
Surprisingly, the priestess giggled.
“I would like to use a phrase like “to hell with the consequences” as Basilio would say, but I feel like that would be unbecoming.”
Hulkenberg couldn’t help but join in her mirth. “To hell with consequences” was actually not a bad mantra for her particular situation. After all, not throwing caution to the wind had already caused its own fair share of damages. And as Eupha had said, maybe letting that spiral of thoughts and emotions finally loose might release her from this hellish, and at this point frankly annoying, cycle.
After letting their laughter subside, Hulkenberg breathed easily.
“Thank you, Eupha. Your words truly are a big help.”
The mustari cocked her head and smiled brightly.
“No worries. But Hulkenberg, whatever you do – please just talk to him.”
Taking Eupha’s words to heart, Hulkenberg set out to do the one thing she had avoided for weeks.
Talk to Strohl.
This time, she would not act as disgracefully as she had before, “waiting” for her knightly pride to reveal itself. No, she had had time to steel herself, and if she made a fool out of herself, so be it. She owed it to them both to put an end to whatever her sudden rush of emotions had caused.
How they would come out the other side, she would not know.
So, filled with new determination, Hulkenberg kept a close eye on Strohl’s mission status, tracking their reports to estimate the date of their return. And quite soon, the arrival of their platoon was announced through the castle. She let the young commander arrive in peace, knowing he would immediately head to the king’s office, but laid in wait for the perfect time to strike.
“Strohl.”
Her voice echoed through the empty hallway, the only other sounds being the click of her heel and the distant sound of birds chirping in the trees outside. Strohl stopped short, leg suspended in the air for a second. Slowly, almost hesitantly, he turned to face her. Hulkenberg felt her breath seize.
It was strange, finally being face to face again with the man that had plagued her mind for so long. The evening sun cast a warm colour over his face, making his grey eyes twinkle almost brown. His expression was stuck in palpable surprise – something she could not fault him for after her long avoidance of him.
“Hulkenberg…greetings. How may I help you?”
Uncertain, a bit stilted, almost offendingly formal. Her brow immediately furrowed. He seemed to notice her displeasure as his posture grew rigid, almost guarded. Another thing she could not blame him for, yet it still stung her heart. With a huff, she composed herself.
“May I talk with you.”
Again, he seemed stupefied.
“Sure.”
His answer came flat, but clear.
“Strohl, I-“
The banging of a door interrupted her. Loud laughter was heard as a group of soldiers entered. From the other side of the hallway, another chorus of booming voices added to the mixture of noise, shouting excitedly for something to eat. Hulkenberg thought she heard Basilio among them as well.
She sighed.
“Maybe, somewhere more private.”
Strohl obliged with a nod and led her down the hallway. Passing the soldiers’ quarters, she realized he was going for the captains’ offices – really just a series of rooms used for strategizing. The only ones visiting this part of the castle outside of official meetings were her, Strohl and sometimes Heismay, the chance of anyone coming here therefore relatively low. That thought made Hulkenberg’s pulse race.
Once alone in a room, Strohl seemed to finally relax. Taking off the broad-shouldered cape and neck guard, he rolled his shoulders with a tired yet satisfied sigh. Hulkenberg noted how rugged he looked. Not a surprise, as he had a long carriage ride behind him with only a few hours of rest by now. Maybe she should have waited for this confrontation after all.
“So, what do you need?”
Strohl finally turned her way, face a lot more open and seemingly at ease with her eventually accepting his presence again.
No, she could postpone it no longer.
Hulkenberg pressed her arms tight to her sides and bowed as low as her body would allow.
“Strohl, I must apologize! My behaviour over the last few weeks has been abhorrent. A shameful and disgraceful display that should by all rights strip me of my knighthood. But titles and pride aside, the gravest sin of all is that I hurt my friend because of selfish indecisiveness! Please, you must not accept my apology but know that I am deeply regretful!”
“Woah, hey, HEY! Calm down! And enough of that!”
Hulkenberg found herself seized by the shoulders and forcefully brought upright. She was face to face with Strohl, grey eyes big, confused and mostly concerned. He was scrutinizing her, assumingly looking for anything unnatural, but once he found nothing he leaned back and furrowed his brows.
“Hulkenberg, what has gotten into you?! First your strange avoidance and now this? Eupha didn’t bring any Dragon Tears to the castle again, did she?”
He leaned back in and conspiratorially sniffed at her mouth. This finally snapped her out of her daze and made her push him out of her personal space.
“I- please apologize, this might have come out too strongly.”
“You think?”
She shot him an unimpressed glare for his comment, he only answered with a lift of his brow and a hand on his cocked hip.
“Again, I APOLOGIZE. These thoughts have been plaguing me for weeks and I have tried to prepare for this moment for such a long time, I might have gotten a bit too invested.”
Despite having to grind out some parts of the sentence, she still felt her cheeks heat by the end of it. She agreed with Eupha that finally airing out her feelings made her feel lighter, yet she could not quite swallow her embarrassment by admitting to her faults.
Strohl, for his part, had no more witty comebacks to add. He just watched her, brows furrowing and jaw working, a tell-tale sign of his indecision. Ultimately, a longwinded sigh left him. One all too familiar to her – it was the same for when he just could not stay mad at her antics.
With a grumble, he rubbed the back of his head.
“It’s fine, you really have nothing to apologize for. I admit I have not been the most mature these past weeks either.”
Hulkenberg was certain he did not know everyone had essentially tattled on him to confirm his statement. And she was not about to bring it up either. So, she just let him continue.
“May I at least know what brought on your ire?”
Even after weeks of this feeling, the fluttering unease in her chest made her unable to keep his gaze. Her eyes travelled somewhere down to his chest, focusing on the stitching on his jacket.
This was the difficult part – admitting the truth.
She thought back to Junah’s teasing remark, calling them a good pair and loosening something inside her. She thought back to Heismay, his parental concern and sagely advice making her uncover the depth of what slept inside her. She thought back to His Majesty who gave her the push in the right direction. She thought back to Basilio, opening her eyes to what, or rather, who was at stake. And she thought back to Eupha, her eyes shining with a will for Hulkenberg to grasp the one thing she herself could not have.
“Please just talk to him.”
Despite her burning face and sped up pulse, Hulkenberg raised her gaze to meet with Strohl’s.
“It would be false to call it “ire”. I held no ill will towards you. No, what truly transpired was that I have been made aware of feelings I did not know how to deal with.”
The wrinkle between his brows intensified as he tried to decipher what she was trying to tell him. Evidently, it was not yet enough. Hulkenberg took a deep breath.
“It had all started with a harmless comment by Lady Junah, trying to ascertain whether I had ever fancied His Highness or you before. Of course, I immediately shot down her comment about His Majesty. Yet, when it came to you, I thought I knew how to answer…but I didn’t.”
Slowly, his eyes grew wider as understanding seemed to seep in.
“I will have you know, it drove me mad for quite some time! You should be glad avoidance was the only thing befalling you in the state I was in. Still, it took advice by all our friends for me to find the root for all my distress. ‘Twas a question I never thought I’d have to ask myself.”
“Which was?”
His voice was but a puff of air, unbelieving and shaken alike.
Her own was starting to falter, nervousness and heartbeat in her throat making it hard to keep it steady. But she had to steel herself, the next part was essential.
“Whether I loved you or not.”
A heavy silence fell over the room, both of them just staring back at the other with widened eyes.
“Well, do you?”
Spoken quietly but more grounded than before. Yet, it still veered into a higher pitch by the end, a typical sign of him falling into panic. Unfortunately, with his shock-stricken face it was hard to tell whether it was anticipation or apprehension covering his features.
“I… I must admit, I am not certain. I have little experience in such matters and cannot pinpoint what these feelings mean still. Yet,… I find myself not opposed to try-.”
“Would you like to try?”
His question stumbled out his mouth before she could properly finish her sentence. Now it was her turn to just stare in shock. His expression had barely changed, frozen in perpetually disbelief, yet she could see red emerging on his cheeks as well. His breathing grew slightly laboured and this up close it looked like his eyes shook.
“Strohl…are you asking me to become your partner?”
“I think I am.”
Usually, Hulkenberg was not one known to tolerate this degree of uncertainty, especially not in a serious context like this. Flippant remarks not said with full intent behind them were unacceptable. Yet, as she felt like a stumbling fawn herself, just the fact he had even confirmed it was enough for her.
“I-If you would have me.”
Her voice was quivering a bit.
“It would be a delight.”
His was steadier, but breathy and quiet.
They had reached a confusing stalemate. Hulkenberg was sure they had just declared maybe not their love but at least a mutual interest in each other, yet both of them were frozen to the spot. Still, this meant the weeks of circling the same few thoughts in her head were finally over. By the flabbergasted look on Strohl’s face, she suspected that he had lived through quite a similar situation.
Like a needle had dropped, they were broken out of their stupor. Both took a step back, Hulkenberg finding herself combing through her hair in an uncharacteristically nervous manner. Strohl for his part scratched at his chin, eyes now averted to the side. The furrow in his brow was back again, but so was the blush covering his cheeks. It gave Hulkenberg a little solace knowing they both were affected by their confessions.
Suddenly, Strohl cleared his throat loudly, opening his arms and moving his hands in a beckoning gesture. When Hulkenberg only kept staring at him, he gave another cough.
“May I?”
It took a moment for Hulkenberg to process what he was asking. Cautiously, she stepped forward until she was but a hair’s breadth from him. His arms circled around her form, pulling her the last small distance against his chest. Her cheek hit his shoulder and she immediately took in the scent of worn leather and campfire smoke. Not the most pleasant smell yet one all too familiar and comforting.
Strohl’s arms settled against the small of her back and her shoulder blade, Hulkenberg soon followed suit and gripped the fabric at the back of his jacket. She felt him press his temple against hers and his content sigh tickled her ear from this close.
They melted into each other, a cocoon of comfort, warmth and safety. Hulkenberg closed her eyes, taking in everything she could feel. The way his palms were a burning presence at her back, the way she felt his horn skim against her head and get tangled in some of her hair, the way both their hearts beat erratically against each other’s chests.
This was foreign, this was new. Yet, this was the uncharted territory she had been paving her way towards for weeks now. Through storm and bottomless pits, through tangled webs and steep cliffs. It was a path shrouded in mystery to her, a road she had never imagined travelling along. It was frightening, it felt like nothing and yet everything was at stake.
But she was an honourable knight. A knight who stood proud in front of adversity. It was her duty to fight against the unknown and face her fears. But at least, in this, she did not have to do it alone.