Chapter Text
Go Yeongeun, a student who had just entered her senior year of high school, reluctantly copied down the new announcement.
'There's never enough time to study, and now I have to take counseling, too…?'
She knew the school had a counselor who visited twice a week. But to Go Yeongeun, who had spent her teenage years focused solely on studying, it was pretty much other people’s business.
And yet, out of nowhere, all students were now required to attend a mandatory 20-minute one-on-one session at least once.
'What do they think highschool seniors are…?'
The thought of wasting twenty precious minutes of self-study time irritated her.
'I’ll just talk about studying or something…'
As it happened, she had only recently settled on her future path. If she brought that up, she figured she might at least get some praise and encouragement.
'Even if it’s predictable, hearing something nice should make me feel better.'
“…So I’ve decided to aim for the top 3% in Computer Science at Sekwang University to get a full scholarship. I think it’s a stable path.”
“You’ve thought that through very well.”
The counselor smiled as he spoke. Go Yeongeun returned the smile, feeling a faint sense of bitterness.
After watching her for a moment, the counselor spoke again, as if something had just occurred to him.
“Student Yeongeun, have you ever considered a different path?”
“…What?”
“I’ve met many different kinds of people, so I can often tell what someone is feeling from looking their face. Looking at yours, I couldn't help but wonder if there's another path you’re still considering.”
He was sharper than she'd expected.
"Ah…yes, actually, my parents want me to go to medical school.”
“I see. What are your thoughts about that?”
“I…”
It would have been easy to brush it off. But facing the counselor’s calm expression, for some reason, Go Yeoungeun felt an urge to tell the truth.
“…To be honest, I do still have some attachment to medical school.”
Go Yeongeun didn't have any grand dreams of healing the sick, although she did think that a job helping others would be nice.
She simply wanted to go as far and high as she could.
She knew herself well - her strengths, her weaknesses. She had researched both medical studies and the profession of being a doctor. She knew that it suited her, that it was something she was capable of.
“But realistically… it’s difficult for my family.”
Because she knew herself well, she continued to speak with conviction.
“I’m not so good that I could attend medical school on a full scholarship. If I go to medical school, it’ll be a heavy burden on my parents.”
She'd had a similar conversation with her homeroom teacher before. Knowing her family situation, the teacher had praised her for being mature and making the “right” decision to switch her intended major to computer science.
The counselor nodded before continuing.
“If that's the case, why do you think your parents still want you to go to medical school, despite that?”
“…They tend to push themselves when it comes to me.”
The counselor nodded again, gently.
Now that she had started talking, the frustration she’d been holding in suddenly surged up. Go Yeongeun began speaking in earnest.
“My parents are always like that. When it comes to me, it’s like everything else stops mattering to them.”
“What makes you think that?”
"It's just… they always… yesterday was my birthday, and I told them I didn’t need any presents, but… my dad bought me this talisman necklace. For good luck on my college entrance exam. It cost hundreds of thousands of won! We’re not in a position to spend money like that.”
“I see. You must have felt complicated about that.”
“…I actually fought with my dad because of that. I told him I didn’t need it and that he should return it…”
“That must have felt bad.”
“I was upset. And frustrated. I do feel sorry for shouting at him, looking back, though…”
“What happened to the necklace?”
“We didn't return it. I just put it in a drawer. I felt like if I insisted on returning it, my dad's feelings would get really hurt…”
Having said this far, Go Yeongeun startled at herself. All this was something she hadn’t even been able to tell her friends, and yet here she was, telling it all to this counselor she had never met before…
It felt surprising, even embarrassing, to have revealed things about herself and her family that she'd wanted to keep hidden to a complete stranger. She lowered her head.
“Student Yeongeun, may I share what I’ve noticed?”
What was he going to say? Feeling a bit uneasy, Go Yeongeun nodded.
“It sounds like your family genuinely cares for one another.”
Caught off guard, she looked up. The counselor’s expression was still calm.
“You worry about your parents, and your parents worry about you. You all sincerely want the best for each other. Listening to you, I found myself thinking that I am so glad Student Yeongeun has such a caring family."
Unexpectedly, Go Yeongeun felt tears well up in her eyes.
Over the past few months, as she agonized over her future, explained her family’s situation to her teacher, revised her goals - she had begun to feel smaller and smaller every time she thought about her family.
To suddenly hear something like this brought a surge of complicated emotion.
“I think it is truly admirable that you wish to support your parents by earning a scholarship. But from your parents’ perspective, if you give up your dream out of concern for them… wouldn't it hurt them?”
It wasn’t something she had never considered before. But hearing it in the counselor’s steady voice made it feel different.
For the remainder of the session, Go Yeongeun talked with the counselor.
The counselor pointed out practical things Go Yeoungeun hadn’t considered. For instance, that what a daughter knows about their parents’ financial situation may not be the whole picture. It was something she had never once considered before.
After the 20-minute session ended, Go Yeoungeun stepped out of the counseling room. Her mind felt lighter.
'I should talk to Mom and Dad again first, but…'
Maybe, going to medical school wasn't such an unrealistic dream after all.
After finishing her conversation with her fellow spies, Go Yeongeun left the Fox Counseling Room and headed back to the dorm.
'…I hope Kim Soleum-ssi takes the counseling seriously.'
Although she had encouraged him to be honest because she was worried about the psychological trauma after he lost his arm, she had a feeling that Kim Soleum wouldn't listen to her.
'But counseling really can be helpful. Not something sketchy like Fox Counseling - real counseling. If you're sincere about it, it can really help. Just like when I -'
When she had - what?
…She couldn’t remember clearly, but she had a vague feeling that she’d once found counseling to be greatly helpful.
'Well, if I ever needed counseling, it was probably about conflict with my family.'
Go Yeongeun couldn't help but sigh.
Though she was going so far as to work as a spy to find her family, there were moments when her resolve wavered.
Because she didn't have any memories of when things hadn’t been strained between her and her family.
She couldn't help but worry - even if she found them, could they ever repair their relationship? Had there even been a good relationship to return to?
'No. I can’t get lost in thoughts like that!'
Once she started worrying, there would be no end to it.
'One step at a time.'
Finding her family came first. Worrying about what came after could wait.
Go Yeongeun placed a hand over her chest. Beneath her clothes, she felt the talisman necklace.
She couldn’t remember when she had bought it, but whenever her thoughts became tangled, holding her hand over it and steadying herself made her feel better.
'I have to keep going.'
Resolving inwardly, Go Yeoungeun continued to head towards the dorm.
She hoped that one day, she would be able to return to her true home.