Work Text:
“Is this really safe?” Seungmin asks for the millionth time in the last hour. At least, that’s what it feels like to Minho. It’s probably only like the fifth time. But Seungmin’s continued lack of faith in Minho’s safety procedures is starting to wane on his confidence.
Instead of answering right away, he sighs and caps another bottle after adding it to the boiling pot in front of them. He reaches for the next vial, trying to not gag at the pungent. It contains a bit of moss, dried from the sun and enchanted by the forest it came out of and given to Minho by Chan a few years ago. It’s only meant to be used to help strengthen a potion and Minho can't think of better way to use it than right now. It’s earthy smell covers the room as the moss falls apart in the boiling water, combining with the ingredients already in the pot.
It’s almost perfect, Minho thinks to himself as he checks his notes once more, still ignoring the glances that Seungmin is giving him as he makes his way to the back of his workshop to get the final component.
Well, one of them.
In the fridge sits two vials of blood, both clearly labeled. Minho had made sure of it before putting them up, even going as far as color coordinating them. This is a bit too precise to get them mixed up and he’s too deep and too invested in this that he can’t afford to make a mistake that large when it took him this long to get here.
Grabbing both bottles gingerly, he takes them back to the boiling pot, watching as it moves and stirs on its own, the magic obviously becoming more potent the longer it simmers.
“Is it supposed to smell like that?” Seungmin scrunches his nose as he draws near the pot as if it’s going to bubble up and burn him. He remains cautious as he slowly approaches and stays curious.
Minho scoffs. It’s not supposed to smell like that, but Seungmin doesn’t need to know that. He thinks he put in the peppermint leaves too early and he only has enough for two potions. He still needs the remaining leaves for reversal potion. He’ll remember that for next time that peppermint needs to be added next to last. “Yes,” Minho lies, “Step back, I need space.”
After ignoring some grumbling from Seungmin about rudeness, he readies the two beakers in front of him color coded with tape wrapped around the middle as well to match which vial of blood will go in which. Red for Minho, purple for Seungmin. It’s with a careful and steady hand that he ladles some of the potion into the cups, making sure they hit the lines in the cup he’s drawn. He's been doing the math on how much to use, both for the blood and the potion, and he thinks and hopes that this is the correct ratio.
“It’s so weird…” Seungmin mumbles as Minho dumps the first vial of blood, Seungmin’s blood, into his own red cup and does the same for the purple cup.
He checks to make sure it hits the correct mark, not wanting to redo this. Plus, he would have to draw Seungmin's blood again. While he's glad that he finally got to put some of practical lab skills from his undergraduate classes, he does not want to listen to Seungmin complain about his poor vein finding skills. Like Seungmin could do any better.
“What?” Minho glances at the other witch for a brief moment. He looks slightly green. Probably at the prospect of having to drink Minho’s blood. “It’s just blood. It isn't that weird,” Minho dismisses. He’ll admit to himself, privately and in his head where Seungmin cannot hear, that it is a little weird. Perhaps tittering on the edge of, dare he say, freakish. Neither of them are demon or vampire or even fae, so human blood tastes just like that. Human blood. Metallic and salty, just a bit earthy and, disgustingly, human. Seungmin’s reaction is warranted. In fact, he might be underreacting. Weird is likely an understatement.
His lack of reaction about this whole thing is part of the reason Minho chose to ask him to help with this. Well, one of many reasons, honestly. Seungmin is rational, a brat, thoughtful and kind, a slight pain in Minho's ass, but, above all else, willing to do anything for his friend if they just ask. He’s so much bolder than Minho when it comes to anything, he works hard at things he cares about and works steadily towards his goals. Whether it’s his studies, his hobbies, his dreams, his ambitions, he gives it his all. He was the only person Minho even considered asking to help with this.
None of their other friends could keep secrets to save their lives and while Seungmin was a bit of a gossip himself, he wasn't nearly as bad as some of the others. And he knew when to keep his mouth shut about certain somewhat illegal potions.
Seungmin had been extremely eager to help when Minho had asked, jumping at the opportunity before Minho had even had a proper chance to explain it. He had planned on explaining everything to the other witch. He was going to give him all the little details, show him the notes as to why this will work and why he should trust him and why they can’t tell anyone about this little experiment. Messing with soul stuff can get messy, quickly, and some of the older witches on the city council have proposed to outright ban it, among other things. Tampering with the soul is dangerous, he's well aware of that little fact. Minho’s read horror stories about how witches have suffered at the hands of their own hubris, confident in things they know nothing of and letting it destroy their minds and bodies. Perhaps he should take them as the warnings they are, but Minho knows this is different, even if the goal is the same.
He had asked the other witch over, knowing that today was his free day. He didn't have any labs today for his own graduate program and wasn't scheduled to do anything but study in the afternoon. At least that's what his google calendar had said. It might not always be right but nine times out of ten, it's spot on.
Seungmin trusts him, Minho knows that much, but even so, the amount of faith he bestowed on him is staggering. He stupidly trusted him, in Minho’s opinion, so he had still explained everything to him. That they would take the potion and once it worked, they would take it again and swap them back into their own bodies. At most, it would take a few hours. Seungmin had taken a few notes during the explanation, even asked a question or two like the little nerd he is, but it didn't change his resounding yes for the answer. Well, until Minho had said they would have to drink each other’s blood and then Seungmin was insisting they do blood tests before drinking any blood, just to be safe.
One appointment and two negative tests for any blood transmitted diseases later, they were discussing what weekend to do it.
They had to fit it in around Seungmin's weekend scheduled study time. If all went correctly for the witch, in three months' time, he will be graduating for the second time in a year and signing up to take his certificate test. Hopefully, he will pass and get his license to produce and make charms and wards independently. Not only that, but he could continue doing schooling and grow his list of certificates and licenses as the years went on. Maybe even open his own shop if he really wanted to and grew a steady client base. Minho wouldn’t put it past him to open one his ten years or so but that feels too far off to be thinking about now.
He had asked him over to his apartment under the guise of wanting to study. At least, that's what Seungmin put in his calendar, just in case someone went looking. He highly doubts anyone would, considering that no one in their friend group even uses it, but they wanted to cover their bases. It wasn't technically a lie, Minho did need to revise his own thesis, he still had to do his research potion of it which was basically done, he was just fine tuning now and getting the experiment part ready. It's been roughly eight months since he restarted from scratch, something his advisors had strongly advised against give how much time he had poured into his previous thesis. In his defense, it wasn't like he had planned to redo his entire thesis. He had no other choice.
Potion making, and magic by extension, had not come naturally to Minho. Not like charms and wards came to Seungmin naturally. The younger witch seemed to sleep and breathe magic, he was made of it, he was brimming with it. He pours all of his heart into it. That drive and passion was something that, against Minho’s nature, the older witch found himself being jealous of. At least in the beginning.
Seungmin was a natural talent when it came to everything it seemed. When they met, when Seungmin was bright eyed and bushy tailed, Minho found himself green eyed and terribly confronted with the prospect that someone younger and brighter wanted to be his friend.
Back then, Minho should have just said no. He should have just turned a blind eye to the attempts that Seungmin made to get to know him. Ignored all the efforts that the younger witch made to bring him into his friend group. Instead, he let the witch drag him to get-togethers, to parties with just the eight of them, to dinners, to karaoke, to movies, to everything they could come up with just to spend a little time together.
He let it happen and, the worst part of it, he felt like he belonged.
In the year he attended school before Seungmin, he had felt so… Alone. The hollowness in his chest that nothing could fill grew day by day. There was nothing to be done about the ache that he felt so deep in his soul that he wondered how no one saw it. Maybe people did and very kindly said nothing about the desperation that radiated off him. He must have reeked of longing for someone, anyone, to give him something to work with.
Perhaps Seungmin had seen it. Maybe that's why he reached out a hand to Minho and let him grab on to it and hold on to it for dear life. Choppy water and treacherous terrain be damned, Seungmin had held on to him and didn’t let go. Even when he had every right to, he never let go.
Minho owes him the world and probably more for giving him something that he can never pay back. Friendship and companionship and trust and people who love him. People who he loves and he loves right back, tenfold. Even when Minho asks for more and more from the witch, Seungmin happily gives and gives. He feels like a leach, taking everything he'll give and daring to ask for more. He takes and takes and now, he’ll take again.
Seungmin breathes magic. It lives within him, his blood powers it and his magic powers his body. Minho's own magic had never been as grand. Born to two magical parents, Minho had prayed every night that his magic would manifest one day so his parents would stop looking at him with such despair and when they thought he wasn't looking, shame.
Pure, unfiltered shame.
It was the only thing that Minho saw in their misty eyes when an elder witch had felt deep into Minho’s soul and felt only tendrils of magic holding on by thin threads in the caverns of his very being. Since then, he had given up his dream of being a real witch, one that his mother was, and his father could have been if he had continued to study and stayed focused. One they could be proud of. Someone that Minho could be happy to see looking back at him in the mirror.
The kind that Seungmin could be, if he wanted it. If he wanted it.
Potion making didn’t require him to be that magical. Not really. Perhaps, if he was, things would be easier. But he’s not and he never has been, never will be. Maybe he does have to work harder and smarter than people who have magic like Seungmin, but he doesn’t care. He’ll work until he falls and then work even harder to prove to everyone, to his parents, to that old witch who crushed his dreams, to the world, that he doesn’t need magic to be a good witch. He’s going to be a good witch.
This potion, if all goes right, will prove everything and everyone wrong.
Soul magic is such a delicate thing, one that even the most talented witches struggle with. It’s one thing to look into a soul. Any witch could do that. It’s another thing to touch a soul. To hold it, to move it.
To swap it. And Minho will do anything to make that happen.
In theory, this should work. The body is only a vessel to the soul. Once the body expires, the soul has nowhere to go. The chemical reactions in the brain interact with the feelings of the soul, the balance so perfect and yet so imperfect. All bodies have an expiration date, one that none of them know but the fates themselves. Even that can change, given the wrong circumstances. All of that is just to say that the soul and body are not the same even if they reside in the same space. They must be sepated.
And by that logic, they can be separated. In theory, they can be swapped.
“Blood is really weird.” Seungmin squints at the cup that Minho hands over to him, eyeing it critically.
“Don’t you work with vampire blood all the time?” Minho points out. That’s not even the only kind of blood that Seungmin works with. He's worked with just about all types of blood he can think of. It’s just that with their resident vampire Chan, vampire blood is the most readily available and, apparently, very good to use in charms and wards alike.
“That’s different, I’m not drinking a vial of it,” Seungmin grumbles as he goes to the couch that Minho has dragged into the workshop for today. If all goes right, they’ll fall asleep and wake in each other’s bodies. Minho would rather pass out on the ratty old couch than a chair that they are liable to fall out of. “Plus, vampire blood is sweet. I know for a fact that human blood isn’t.”
“You just know everything, don’t you?” Minho rolls his eyes, only slightly fond at the way that Seungmin is whining. It’s cute, despite his complaints. “Drink all of it, got it?” Minho reminds him as they stare at the cups and the reality of it hits him then that this is really it. An accumulation of all his work is now boiled down to two cups filled with blood and roughly 48 different ingredients boiled down to the most foul-smelling drink he's ever had the misfortunate of smelling.
Seungmin nods. He’s no longer eyeing the drink with caution but more curiosity than anything else, even taking a sniff or two as if it's a glass of wine.
“Don’t think about the taste…” Seungmin mumbles and glances at Minho, obviously waiting for Minho to drink as well. The smell is unbelievably vile this close to his nose but hopefully, the next batch won’t be as bad. Minho steels himself to drink it before bringing the cup to his lips and taking as much down as he can.
Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Seungmin do the same, gulping down the concoction with conviction, trying to get down as much as he can in one fell swoop. Minho has to give it to him, he only slightly gags once at the taste. Much better than himself if he’s honest, he’s about two seconds from throwing it up before swallowing the last bit left in the cup.
The potion sits heavy in him, settling uncomfortably in his stomach. A weight that wasn’t there before presses on every organ and the potion threatens to crawl back up his throat but never does. It doesn't even that it makes him feel sick, it just feels wrong. Weird and unsettling as something inside of him crackles like electricity and his insides fucking burn like never before. He’s taken potions, mainly energy ones, before but nothing like this, nothing this powerful, never this fucking potent. Seungmin’s coughing beside him grounds him for some reason.
“That’s really strong,” Seungmin sputters out, “I feel like… I don’t know.” Seungmin breathes out of his mouth loudly, labored and like he’s gasping for air and Minho feels something sink even deeper into his stomach. He really doesn’t want to be the reason that Seungmin dies. It’ll look horrible if he’s found dead in Minho’s workshop. Even worse if Minho is right beside him while the remains of a very illegal soul swapping potion is boiling away to nothing on the stove.
He’s planned for this, he reminds himself. Call Chan if Seungmin stops breathing. Or his heart stops. Or if anything goes wrong. It doesn’t matter how illegal this is, Chan would come over in one undead heartbeat if Minho asked him to. There are hundreds of things in Minho’s workshop to keep Seungmin alive until Chan gets here. Seungmin knows about this plan too, agreed to it even, and it left such a bitter taste in Minho’s mouth that Seungmin put so much trust in him.
Minho doesn’t know when his hands start shaking but he can’t keep them still as he presses one against Seungmin chest, using what little magic he does possess to feel for Seungmin’s steady heart, checking on him with what energy he has left. His heart beats strongly against his palm and his blood flow feels normal but his magic is going haywire and Minho realizes what’s happening as the magic surges once again, reaching for Minho's own magic once before it tries with all its might to fend off something. It’s a war within Seungmin.
His magic is fighting the potion, Minho realizes with slight horror.
He hadn’t really accounted for that. Thinking now, it makes sense why spells don’t work. They aren’t physical, nor are they a constant stream of uninterrupted magic. Only the strongest witches can hold normal spells for extended periods, let alone a soul swapping spell. It’s too powerful, the magic quickly becoming too taxing on their bodies. It’s impossible to hold on to two souls and swap them with just a spell alone. It’s why Minho chose a potion to make this work. Because it will physically hold them both down. They can’t expel the potion now, they can’t stop the flow of magic that is working through their bloodstreams and pumping into their hearts and brains and sinking into every cell and organ as they sit there, powerless and brimming with magic and power that Minho can’t contain.
“Seungmin-” Minho tries but something feels like it’s choking him, stopping him from speaking. The words are stuck in his throat. He tries, one more time to reach for Seungmin’s magic, tries to feel for it, but it feels like it’s receding, hiding away to protect itself from the unknown poison. It’s terrified and nothing Minho does can coax it back to him. He’s never done this before, never reached this far into Seungmin’s magic and not have it at least try to latch on to him. The younger witch looks pale and frightened, and Minho doesn’t know what to do. He feels just as scared. He jumped into waters before looking down and now they are both sinking, struggling to stay afloat in the choppy waters that crash against rocks and take them as victims of their own actions.
The edges of his mind are fading into black and into a deceptive peacefulness that he doesn’t think he is owed. If this is what death is like, he’s had nothing to fear. The pain is white hot that surges through his being as he feels and feels and feels Seungmin’s heart race, his magic whip and bite at him like a rabid dog. He wonders if his own is doing just the same. Maybe. Probably. He hopes, distantly, that it just stops so all of this will cease. The pain that he sees no end to, he needs it to stop. Nothing in his body feels right anymore, it doesn’t feel like his to claim. He feels like he’s an outsider, looking in. Everything is wrong, so fucking wrong, and he can do nothing but suffer. If this is death, then Minho will accept it. He will accept his mistake and die with the regret that Seungmin was caught in the crossfire of his arrogance.
He might have taken the plunge willingly but that doesn’t change the fact that Seungmin, just like Minho, is going to die.
Minho wonders who will find them. If anyone will at all. The workshop is hidden in the deepest corners of his apartment, locked tightly by charms made by Seungmin. It’ll be a good year before they wear off, probably longer. Their bodies will be well on their way to being decomposed and rotted to the bone, seeping well into the floor. He hopes that whatever bugs or animals who make their way into the workshop will have a good meal. It’s the least he can do in death. Knowing himself though, he’ll probably just make them sick. His bones feel too hollow to chew on, like they’ll crack if something gnaws too much on them. His muscles feel weak and his organs feel like mush and he feels like he's floating, just beyond the cusp of reality and he doesn't feel long for this world. This shitty couch is his death bed, and he can't do anything because-
He’s dying. This has to be it.
Death next to Seungmin, who breathes in and out and looks at Minho with something akin to fear and something else that his mind, too riddled with pain and heat and desperation to make it stop, can’t make out, is not so bad. His senses are gone, he can’t hear anything, the taste of bile in his mouth is gone, the smell of the potion is a distant memory. He can’t feel anything and he presses harder on Seungmin’s chest to feel his heartbeat again but feels nothing.
The last thing he sees before his vision goes black is the soft smile of the witch in front of him and a hand taking his wrist before the pain surges, something rips inside, deep within and-
There are worse ways to die, he supposes.
.
The first thing he registers is that his body aches.
It feels like his muscles are on fire, but in the way that it feels after a workout. The soreness is deep but not deep enough to actually make him stop all movement. Just enough to make him cautious of his next move.
The next thing he registers is that he feels like there is electricity in his veins. It’s something hot and wired and like he’s plugged into a 240-volt outlet and has been left there to fry and die. Except, he’s not dying. Not anymore it seems. Even if the buzzing just can’t seem to stop, he can still feel the rise and fall of his own chest. He swears he can smell the hot wires of a neon sign if he tries hard enough.
“Hyung,” a voice beside him whispers and it’s familiar but not enough to really make sense. It sounds so foreign and distant but like it’s been there his whole life. “Hyung,” The voice tries again, “It worked.”
What worked? What were they doing before the pain started? He tries to make his overused brain to remember. He remembers… Waking up and feeding the cats. Soonie, Doongie, and Dori. He fed them and made breakfast for himself and then… Then? There was a knock. Minho had answered. Seungmin had come over and brought coffee for Minho and Minho complained that he thought Seungmin spit it in and that made Seungmin laugh his stupid and pretty laugh. His teeth had been on display and Minho thought himself a freak for thinking how pretty his teeth were. He had braces until last month, only just getting them off in time for graduation and now he laughs so cutely and loudly without covering his mouth and Minho would make a fool out of himself just to see it again and again. Minho had ushered Seungmin into his workshop and they chatted and sipped on coffee while Minho prepared a potion. What potion was it again? What had he done? What had happened after he made Seungmin laugh about something Dori did last night? What happened-
His eyes shoot open as he remembers everything, it crashes into him like a wave on a shore and slams into him and he’s powerless in its current. It’s then that he looks down as his hands, his much larger hands and he realizes that they aren’t his. These clothes aren’t his.
This body isn’t his.
“Oh my god,” Minho mumbles and he turns over his hands, spotting the freckle on one and the cut from weeks ago on the other when Seungmin had nicked himself on one of Minho's kitchen knives. He looks at them in awe, a wave of relief passing through him. “It worked,” Minho repeats Seungmin’s words to himself as he looks to the other man and sees himself staring back.
It’s jarring to see his own face looking back at hm and see how much of a mess he looks. He wonders if he looks the same in Seungmin’s body. The potion wreaked havoc on them, that much is clear. Seungmin’s magic is still simmering at the edges, still fearful and ready to surge out if it needs to protect itself like some kind of feral dog. It must be so confused, not used to having Minho's soul where Seungmin’s should be. There is so much that Minho is learning from this, so much that they can learn about magic just from this alone and he can’t wait to write it all down.
“This is weird,” Seungmin breathes out a laugh, still in very obvious disbelief that it worked. “I feel so… Different. Like, your magic is so different.” Seungmin continues his survey of Minho's body, staring at his new hands as he turns them this way and that. The confusion must be clear on Minho’s face as Seungmin continues. “It’s a little duller but it’s there. I know you said you didn’t have a lot but you have more than I expected. It’s like… Really subtle. Subtle enough to miss. The potion must have brought it to the surface or something.”
That’s even more confusing. Minho will deal with whatever is wrong with his magic, or lack thereof, later. Right now, they need to take notes. Checking the time, they’ve been passed out a good two hours. Not really that surprising, but still slightly behind schedule. Minho didn't have a reliable time schedule for how long this was supposed to take. He doesn’t want them to stay switched for more than 24 hours so they need to get started on the note taking now. The quicker they can switch back, the better. Minho’s prepared his room for Seungmin to stay over when they do switch back. He expected Seungmin to be worn out after two swaps so he’s staying over, whether he likes it or not. Minho’s not going to have him pass out on the way home or something. He’d never hear the end of it from Felix.
“Come on,” Minho gestures for Seungmin to stand, taking his hand into his now much larger hand and helping him get up. He wobbles, just a bit, still getting used to his new center of gravity. “We have a ton of notes to take on this.” Minho feels giddy at the prospect and Seungmin mirrors that same excitement it seems. He truly seems happy this worked.
If he’s happy for Minho or happy for the advancement of magic, Minho doesn’t know and doesn’t care to ask. He’s afraid of the answer either way.
.
The note taking process is tedious but plentiful. For time’s sake, Minho decides to just record everything and then type it all up later. He’ll probably make Seungmin do some of the typing for scaring him half to death for when he couldn’t feel his heartbeat anymore. Seungmin swore that his heart never stopped, he thinks he would have felt that, but Minho begs to differ. He knows exactly what he felt. Or well, didn't feel.
“It’s still so strange,” Seungmin repeats in Minho’s voice. Strange doesn’t really describe half of all of this but it’s as close as they can get. They are taking a small break and having a premade lunch that Minho had prepared, knowing he wouldn’t want to waste time cooking when they are swapped. “Like, I feel like myself but like, I don’t? You know?” Seungmin says after taking another sip of the soup Minho pre-made. Something easy on their, now, very sensitive stomachs. That potion needs more than a little tweaking, but Minho will iron that all out later.
“Yes,” Minho agrees, still a little put off by the fact that his voice isn’t really his. Not even bad just jarring. “You feel like your magic is buzzing.”
“I can believe that,” Seungmin snorts. “It was fighting the potion, wasn’t it?”
Minho nods slightly. “It did. Probably the entire time.”
“It felt like I was dying.” It’s said so casually, like Seungmin’s commenting on the weather and not his untimely death that would have been caused by the man who made him the soup he is sipping on. If Minho was Seungmin, which he guesses he is now, but if their roles were reversed, Minho wouldn’t touch a single liquid made by him. Blind faith and trust, Minho supposes, keeps Seungmin going.
“I’m sorry,” Minho apologizes, but it feels so weak compared to how he should be apologizing. He should tell Seungmin that he shouldn’t have put him through that and after today, he’ll never make him do it again. Knowing Seungmin though, he’ll somehow be offended by the fact that Minho won’t use him as a test subject anymore and make a big deal out of it. So, as it is, he lets it lie like a sleeping dog and watches the words play over and over in Seungmin’s mind until he can come up with some response.
“Don’t make it weird.” Seungmin waves him off with a lazy flick of his spoon. It’s an action that Seungmin often does, in his own body, but one that Minho has never done himself. It looks disjointed, maybe even a bit rusty around the edges, like Minho’s body doesn’t know how to do it even if the programming inside of him does. The input doesn’t match the output.
It’s all so intriguing, and Minho itches to write it down.
He doesn’t want to put Seungmin through this again, but he fears he might have to if everything is this mind boggling. He’ll tweak the potion more though, try to tamper down the horrible feeling of having your soul ripped out of you and having your own magic fight against you and try to save your soul. He’s not sure what to change to stop that sensation, he can only do so much.
“I’m not saying it for you,” Minho responds, just as dismissively, “You've never apologized for anything, I just wanted to hear what it would sound like. I'm sorry Minho-hyung,” Minho continues, voice still sounding just a little off. Minho's own natural lift up in his speech tries to overpower Seungmin's naturally lower voice, making it an odd mash of the two. Odd, but he likes it strangely. "That has a nice ring, I like it, you should say it more."
Seungmin scoffs in a very Seungmin way that doesn’t translate well in Minho’s body. It sounds and looks far too dismissive and nonchalant for someone like Minho. “You’re annoying.”
“Now you understand how I feel,” Minho quips, smiling as Seungmin rolls his eyes before digging back into lunch. Minho tries, really tries, to ignore the way that Seungmin's hands shake, just slightly as he brings the spoon up to his lips.
.
The second potion brews slowly when they return to the workshop. Minho hasn’t added the peppermint leaves to the potion yet and so he does once they return. It’s been a long day of taking notes, listening to Seungmin talk about how he feels, what the change feels like, how out of body he feels. It’s been eye opening but Minho is ready to return to his own body. Seungmin’s isn’t that bad to live in but it’s getting a bit weird to watch himself do everything.
“Will it hurt like it did last time?” Seungmin wonders out loud, watching Minho move around with rapt attention.
“Probably," Minho responds honestly. Perhaps too honest. It doesn’t ease the furrow in Seungmin’s, well Minho’s brow.
“Well, I guess we know what to expect now.” It's a jab in Minho’s heart, even if he knows Seungmin doesn't mean it rudely. He wants Seungmin to be angry with him, he doesn’t even know why. Maybe it would make the pain in his chest feel a little less heavy. He could have killed Seungmin. He still might and yet Seungmin is willing to go through it all again, all because he trusts Minho.
He does the same process as last time, dividing the cups and then pouring the blood into the correct cups. It's a little weird, drinking in his own blood but he has to do it. In theory, their souls should return to their rightful bodies, the soul will seek out the blood they drink and will reattach themselves to the correct owner, ousting the foreign soul that resides. The smell of blood and peppermint reaches his nose in no time and, somehow, it smells more rotten than the last time. He doesn’t know how he’s managed that but the potion has a lot of adjustments that need to be made before he can publish anything on his findings. He needs to have it completely perfected.
“Same as last time,” Minho tells Seungmin as he gestures for him to sit down on the couch with him.
“Drink it all, I know.” Seungmin waves him off. It’s so weird to see Seungmin’s mannerism in his own body. Some look natural, some look disjointed, most just look like Seungmin.
Downing the drink the second time is just as bad as the first. At least this time, the peppermint is more potent. Minho feels less like he’s going to throw up and more just like he’s going to die again. Small victories, he supposes.
It’s so different from the first time. Now he knows how Seungmin felt. The magic inside of him is going insane. Fighting something that it can’t even begin to understand. Magic is like a river or a current of electricity through the body, it takes the path of least resistance to be let out and right now, there is no path. It’s stuck and simmering and it feels like he's fucking dying again.
“It’s okay,” Minho’s own voice says to him and it feels so wrong to hear it from his own lips but know it’s Seungmin’s words. “I know it hurts, it’s okay.”
Minho should be the one comforting Seungmin, right? He’s the one who did this, he caused this and yet Seungmin is reaching over and holding his hand tightly. Is this how Seungmin felt the last time? Pain, unimaginable and unbelievable, and yet it feels like power that he’s never understood before. Magic he’s never had, magic he’s never felt, and it makes him want to throw up.
“Just let it happen, don’t fight it,” Seungmin whispers, voice shaking and Minho can see the pain in his own eyes and realizes, belatedly, that Seungmin is suffering the same way he had. Wetness gathers in the corners of his eyes, threatening to spill over at the idea.
It’s pure hell when he finally closes his eyes, praying that when they open again, he doesn’t have to stare at his own eyes crying ever again.
.
It’s a struggle to wake but he hears the telltale signs of his cats meowing and he needs to get up. He needs to move before his joints become too stiff and he can never move again. His brain takes a minute to reboot, still caught in a limbo state that he didn’t even know existed. He’s there though, lazily drifting between a hazy state of sweet unconsciousness and sharp awareness. He’s alive but the beat in his chest doesn’t feel like he’s own. It feels like he must make the heart pound pump himself on his ribcage just to stay alive and it burns awfully but he doesn’t stop, afraid of what will happen if he does.
His eyes open slowly, agonizingly slow, he just wants to go back to sleep but he can’t. He has things to do, he needs to check on Seungmin, he needs to feed his cats, he needs to heat up dinner, he needs to, he has to-
Dori meows pitifully as he paws at his body, his arms, meowing softly as if it’ll rouse him and Minho can only watch as Soonie bumps against his leg, he can only stare as Doongie curls up on his lap, his hand moving to pet the cat slowly, his own eyes opening in confusion and look around curiously and then-
Then.
Devastation. Pain, pure and unfiltered. Sorrow and anger, something else in those wet eyes that Minho can’t dare to name for fear of it being true. Beyond all of that, he sees himself staring back at him.
“Hyung,” His own voice says. Seungmin stares at him but Minho can’t see him, of course he can’t, how could he in this body. “It… It didn’t-You’re still-” He hears it then, the fear in Seungmin’s voice, so foreign to Minho’s own ears despite carrying it with him his entire life.
He watches, painfully, as tears fill his eyes and he doesn’t look away this time. He deserves it.
.
“We need to tell Chan hyung.” It’s the first thing that Seungmin says once he stops crying, voice higher than normal in Minho’s body and it feels strange to hear his own voice telling him what to do. Even worse, as much as he doesn’t want to admit it, he’s completely right.
Minho’s in over his head right now and if there is anyone who might be able to handle this, it’s Chan. He knows more about magic than half of the witches who graduate here and then some. The vampire is a fountain of knowledge but even so, he might have no idea what to do.
Then what, Minho’s brain treacherously asks.
That’s the real question, isn’t it, Minho thinks to himself. Because if Chan doesn’t know what to do or what to try or even what to fucking say to their fucked-up situation, then what? There isn't a manual about what to do when you swap bodies with another witch. There’s no guidebook that will give him back his body and give Seungmin this body that Minho’s stolen from him. He doesn’t have a plan B or plan C, fuck, he didn’t even have a good plan A and Seungmin just went along with it because what, he trusted Minho? Stupidly, naively, he trusted Minho and he trampled all over it because that’s the only thing he knows how to do, it’s what he's always done-
“Hyung,” Seungmin says, voice almost foreign to Minho’s ears. It’s weird to hear it, even weirder to how Seungmin has somehow managed to make it sound lower than Minho’s can. Maybe his mind is playing tricks on him.
Maybe. His body betraying him is no new news.
“We need to call Chan hyung,” Seungmin urges, “He’ll know what to do, he has to know something, you told him you were doing this and he probably did his own research.”
Minho’s blood runs cold. Well, Seungmin’s blood but Minho feels it just the same. Because he hadn’t told Chan. He hadn’t breathed a word of it to Chan because he knew what he would say if he knew. He would have tried to talk Minho out of it or put a complete stop to it before Minho could even ask Seungmin for help. He knew that and that’s exactly why he didn’t ask him. He thought, well, he figured by default, that Seungmin would know that.
"I…” Minho starts but pauses. This voice still doesn’t feel right, it sounds like Seungmin but it’s just not. Nothing feels right. “I didn’t tell him.”
“What are you talking about?” Seungmin asks, looking confused as he feels himself, just for a brief moment, Minho watches his own brows furrow in confusion, head tilted just slightly. It’s such a Seungmin thing to do. ”Yes you did. You-You asked him to turn me if things went wrong. Things went wrong and-“ Seungmin hesitates a beat, then one more, “And… He's not going to turn us but maybe he'll know what to do.”
Oh, Minho thinks, Seungmin misunderstood him.
Great. Awesome. That makes everything so much worse, he realizes miserably.
“I didn’t tell him,” Minho repeats, realizing now how much of a mistake he’s made.
He’s met with a silence that he fully expected. He knows Seungmin, very well in fact. Better than he thinks he knows himself. It's weird, watching his own face contort in bewilderment, anger, shock, and only to finally settle on one emotion: reluctant acceptance.
"Of course you didn't," Seungmin grumbles, crossing his arms before throwing his head back and groaning. It sounds foreign to his own ears. Is that how he always sounds when he does that? It's like watching a video of himself playing back and he can't believe it's him on the screen, his own voice sounding foreign to him. "We have to tell him."
"And say what?" Minho counters. Chan, unfortunately, is very well versed in magic. So much so that it almost scares Minho. A vampire like him has enough resources and lived experience in his few short decades alive. It should come as no surprise to anyone that he would be the first person Seungmin wants to call. If anyone would know what to do, it would be him.
Which is exactly why they can't call him.
Chan will know very well that what they've done here, what they are actively partaking in, is very illegal. Illegal and reportable by all rights. He doesn't think Chan would do it, he's too loyal to Minho and Seungmin, but he can't stand to admit he's wrong and needs the help now. Besides, what will he do? He can't stop the fact they took the potion, he can't change them back now, he can't do anymore than Minho can.
Seungmin doesn't answer right away, seemingly mulling over the question more in his mind. Though he's in a different body, has a different face, his expressions are the same. Lips pulled back and tight, eyes wide, head tilted just slightly. Almost like a puppy. It's so weird to see it on himself, like it's the right input, wrong output. "What do we do then?" Seungmin wonders outloud. "We can't stay like this forever." It's said like a whisper. Minho's voice is softer than Seungmin's, it's like Seungmin doesn't know how to use it yet. He's still getting used to the unknown body he's taken on.
"I don't know," Minho answers honestly. He doesn't, not yet. The potion was supposed to work both ways. It wasn't an exact science but at its core, it was science. It was mixing and testing and experimenting but it isn't working like it's supposed to. It was supposed to be cut and dry, they were meant to be switched back by now, maybe having dinner and watching a shitty drama that Hyunjin had recommended and pretending to be shocked when they wake up tangled up in Minho's bed.
And yet, he's still stuck staring at himself on the couch, arms crossed and leg bouncing nervously.
As he looks across the small workshop, he can tell the younger witch is trying to hold it together as best as he can. Perhaps the reality of their situation has settled in faster for Seungmin than it has for Minho, who is still running on the idea that this can be fixed and not on the fact that he hasn't fixed it yet. His hands shake as he runs a hand through his hair, looking blankly at the floor, as if trying to parse through the thoughts in his head as best as he can. It's not the first time he's seen Seungmin do this, but it's hard to watch sometimes. The way that his hands, normally steady and ever-reliable, shake like a leaf, like a fawn barely able to hold their weight, the anxiety ripples through him so fiercely.
He's wasting time sitting here, he knows that, and it's on shaking legs of his own that he stands to go back to his work bench. "I messed up something, I don't know what, but I just have to reverse engineer my own spell." He mumbles mostly to himself, larger hands than normal flipping through his notebook.
It should have worked, just in reverse. Why didn't it work, he keeps thinking to himself, flipping page after page to try to find anything that would help. He stops on one after what feels like an eternity, which was probably only 5 minutes, on the blood portion of the spell.
Going into this, he knew it was dangerous to involve blood. It was the exact reason he didn't tell Chan about this little endeavor. For as much as Chan likes to bend the rules for his friends, supplying them with potion enhancers and hooking them up withe most quality ingredients and giving them unlimited access to vampire blood, there is one line he won’t cross.
Banned magic, as he’s told them before after a close call that involved Jisung and Hyunjin, is banned for a reason. Rules like that are often written in blood and signed off with a death certificate. Minho knows that he should have learned his lesson back then, should have seen the frightened way that Jisung had cowarded at his own magic, the way that Hyunjin had crumpled in pain when their little experiment with blood magic hadn’t worked.
They had tried to bind themselves, witch and vampire, with old, ancient magic that hadn’t been used since vampires ate flesh to satisfy their cravings. It had been used by vampires who had only needed blood, who wanted to save humans from the gruesome death of some rouge vampire who longed for the taste of sweat soaked skin and fear taunt muscle to make the craving go away.
Minho still carries the shame of helping them set the whole thing up. He thinks he will for the rest of his life, it’s a regret he’ll never shake. He hadn't slept for weeks after, the images of Jisung convulsing against the floor of their shared dorm room, the old magic coursing in his body too much for him to handle. He might have died then and there if it hadn't been for Seungmin stepping in and leeching away the excess, letting the magic course through him and out.
Foolish, they were both fools for even attempting ancient magic far beyond either of their skill levels. Bonding magic has come so far and to use a banned blood magic to try to bond themselves was so beyond idiotic that Minho had wondered how they even came up with the idea.
Looking back, and looking at his body sitting on the couch, he realizes he has no room to judge.
Staring at the book, he realizes where he thinks he must have gone wrong. They had drank their own blood, it should have sought out the body it belonged to, right. In theory, that should have worked. The soul is connected to the body. They had switched bodies correctly the first time, so again, in theory, it should have worked in reverse. Their souls should have returned to their respective bodies, to the bodies of whose blood they drank.
But they hadn't, his mind whispers to him as he doesn't know that already. They had just passed out and woke up in the same predicament they went to sleep in. It throws a complete wrench in all his notes and theory that the soul is connected to the body, not the blood. If it was the body, then they would have returned to each other's respective bodies, correct?
No, he thinks. Now that he thinks about it, that doesn't make any sense. He flips through his book again, trying to wade through his own thoughts as he stares at his numerous diagrams. In all of them, the body and the soul are connected, but what if that's incorrect. What is the reverse of this spell isn't to do with the body but something else. Or maybe it's the way they drank it. Was one of them supposed to drink first? They had taken both at the same time before, what's different now?
He pauses, setting the book down. He's talking nonsense now, talking to himself in circles he doesn't even understand.
There is more research to do on this whole thing, the connection of the soul and body and blood, apparently, but for now, he needs to start the whole brewing process again. From scratch, he realizes sadly as he only made enough for this experiment. They'll start with procedure first and see if that's where the squeaky wheel is. If not, they'll move on to the strength of the spell.
"I messed up." Minho finally admits outloud. As if that wasn't glaringly obvious, he thinks to himself. Seungmin doesn't point that out, thankfully. "We must have drank the potion wrong the second time, it had to have been. Or we didn't do it fast enough. It probably needed to be stronger or we needed more of an enhancer either way. Fuck," Minho curses, slamming the book shut with far too much force than necessary. He can't believe he messed up one of the easiest parts of this whole thing. The reversal should have been cake compared to the whole soul swapping thing.
A wave of embarrassment washes over him as he hears the other witch sigh. He's beyond embarrassed about this and, at this point, he feels downright stupid, especially in front of Seungmin.
The younger witch has always been talented. That much Minho knows for certain. Minho has never met someone with as much skill in charm and ward making as Seungmin. It's a craft and talent and a true act of magic for a witch to be able to hone in on the trade like Seungmin has. University is not always the first choice for people going into the charms and ward making business but it is a good place if witches want to take the licensing exam and get real practice, like Seungmin does.
Though Minho would never say it, he struggles to understand Seungmin's desire to do charms and wards for a living.
It never made sense to him. Seungmin is powerful, insanely so. Even more than Jisung. He is one of the strongest witches that Minho has come to know, holds power that Minho is pretty sure he doesn't even know how to control and yet, Minho knows Seungmin is indefinitely stronger. He has potential that he doesn't even seem to understand, or care to understand for that matter, and yet he spends it on making little charms for homes and warding buildings and while Minho has been there for every up and down on his journey to getting licensed, he still doesn't get it.
Maybe it's not for him to get, he tells himself.
It feels so different to actually feel that kind of magic, to actually understand the sheer amount of power that flows through Seungmin everyday. He's only felt it once before and though it was fleeting, just for a short moment, it's hard to forget.
Minho and Seungmin had taken a class together when Seungmin had only just started at the university, bright eyed and bushy tailed. Even though they hadn't talked much before, Seungmin had been the one to approach Minho, asking to be partners shyly for the semester. Group work had been important for the class and while it was an advanced class, Seungmin had fit right in despite his age. Scarily so. It wasn't until the third week that Minho understood just how Seungmin had been placed there. The professor hadn't wanted them to make a ward, despite it being a ward-making class, but at least attempt to combine magic, just long enough to feel the magic of the other witch. It was a routine motion for a witch, one Minho had done with Jisung before when the younger witch had actually needed a second witch to ground him for a protection charm. Standard stuff, nothing impressive.
Jisung magic had felt strong, a steady beat of movement, just like Jisung is. Never ending motion but still calm and steady like a flowing river. It hadn't felt like they were combining magic, but rather exchanging it. Breathing it back and forth between the two of them like air between lungs, unrushed and satisfying.
Seungmin's, however, felt like a fucking electric current.
If Jisung's had a warm glow and Minho's was a flicker of light, Seungmin's was like a circuit popping, over and over again, the smell almost like a neon sign left on too long and even to the touch, it felt hot. Before Seungmin, he didn't even know magic could have a smell and yet it stuck with him for days, the scent of electricity burning in his nostrils, stinging and like fire in his veins. It was like nothing that Minho's experienced before and yet he found himself, days late, longing for it over and over again.
It was addictive in a way that he never imagined. He had heard about it once before. People can become intoxicated by a witch's power, by the way they radiated magic. It wasn't common and it wasn't talked about in normal social circles, but yet it remained in the peripheral, just beyond the perimeter in the back of his mind. Buzzing and taunting him, making him long for something he can never have.
It was normally non-witches that suffered from it. Rarely had Minho ever heard of a witch longing for another's magic. Typically, their own magic would refuse the magic of another witch. Unless the witches are bonded, the magic won't stick to anyone else. Magic isn't made to exist like that. It doesn't have a home in another's body, on another's soul.
And yet, here he was.
"Well, just remake it then and we can try again tomorrow," Seungmin suggests, sighing as he continues to pet Dori. Minho wonders if the cats can tell the difference between them right now. He thinks they would be able to, right? They are smart little kitties, if not huge brats, but still very intelligent. They should be able to tell when their favorite human isn't in the right body?
If they can and are choosing to ingore him well… That would track. At least for Dori it would. He seems to have made Seungmin his personal pillow, just like he would if Seungmin had his correct body.
Grabbing the book again, he stands to go back to his work station to get started on the new batch, as annoying as it will be.
"It'll take a little bit," Minho sighs as he removed the pot from the single electrical burner on his work station and grabbing a new, clean one. It's time like this that he's very thankful he's been stockpiling old pot and pans since he started school. Small mercies, he supposes.
"How long is a little bit?" Seungmin asks, sounding just about as tired as Minho feels. He wants nothing more than to just take a long nap and waste the weekend away sleeping.
"Only a few hours-" Minho stops himself as he goes to grab one of the key ingredients. He had used a very rare, very hard to come by base that he was pretty sure was illegal to have even on earth. Changbin had so graciously given it to him months ago when he asked for it. Stupidly ask for it, that is, and even more stupidly, Changbin gave it to him without a second thought. "Days. A week, maybe," Minho corrects himself.
"What?!" Seungmin exclaims, startling Dori who runs out the door. "A week? What are you talking about, you can just remake it, right?"
"I'm out of sulfur. Changbin gave me some to use for a project, I just didn't tell him what project that was. I can't just ask him for more, he'll get suspicious. I'll have to find someone else and then I'll need to reduce it for the potion." The witch glares at the empty bottle as if it will magically appear.
"I have some in my workshop, we can just go get it," Seungmin suggests quickly. "Not reduced but… We can do that, right? It doesn't take that long. I've done it before."
It's not the worst idea in the world, it would solve the most pressing issue at hand. However, "Why do you have sulfur?"
"It's a good base for demonic charms." Seungmin shrugs like it's the most casual thing in the world and not completely insane to say.
Making charms for demons is not easy work. It takes time and practice and most importantly, a lot of sulfur and a connection to hell. Witches can't pick it up nor just learn on whim. It's a long learned ancient practice and, above that, a risky one.
One that Seungmin could lose everything over.
Minho, by all rights, should report Seungmin. He could go to the school, then the authorities, the witch's council, hell, he could even report both Seungmin and Changbin to the Demonic Legion if he wanted both of them to get into some hot water. Everyone. He's technically supposed to do so if suspected demonic magic is being created, used, or distributed by any non-demon witch. It's against the law for any human witch of any skill level to use it. Minho's only seen it once before, when he was a child, and never again. It's been banned for as long as he's been alive and able to remember.
Its danger, like most banned magic, comes from the toll on the witch using it. Even the most advanced witches can't control it. The magic itself can ruin someone from the inside out. Death is often gruesome, from what Minho has seen and heard.
While blood magic is banned, it's an open secret that it's still practiced. Though the execution is typically clumsy, resulting in more pain than actual results, it's rarely deadly. The few incidents that make their rounds through the gossip mills are horrific, that's true, but they are just that. A few blips of failure when hundreds work just fine. Minho knows many spells and potions that use blood perfectly, even if it can seem terrifying.
The death toll for demonic magic is much higher. The threat of death is much more real, even if it is by accident.
A witch like Seungmin, a natural witch at that, should have no business in that. Zero in fact. Demons have their own magic and their own ways of doing things that should never involve a witch like Seungmin. And if it does, Changbin of all people should know to keep Seungmin the fuck out of it. Minho suddenly can't wait to be back in his own body so he can give the demon a piece of his mind.
"Since when have you been making charms for demons?" Minho asks, turning from the pot in front of him. He still looks somewhat relaxed despite the confession.
"Since I realized how much money there was in them." He stares right back at Minho, unperturbed by his glare. Minho knows that's not all, Seungmin would never risk everything just for some extra cash. Not when he does just fine selling small charms to some of their classmates. He continues to glare until Seungmin sighs, obviously annoyed, "And Changbin needed them. His old ward-maker quit and it didn't seem that hard." There it is.
"I could turn you in. Changbin too." Minho points out. A lesser witch just might.
"You won't," Seungmin says around an aborted laugh. He's right, of course he is, but he doesn't know how to feel about the fact that Seungmin is so sure he'll break the law for him. "We can pick it up tomorrow. Felix is home and I don't feel like explaining all of this to him and I doubt you can pull off a very good impression of me to convince him I'm not possessed by something."
Minho can't help the small snort of laughter at the thought of it.
Felix is sweet. Funny, attentive, talkative, and extremely overprotective of Seungmin in every imaginable way possible. They have lived together for almost four years now, known each other even longer. Minho doesn't know how they have managed it for this long but it seems to work for the both of them. There's literally no way that he wouldn't be able to tell something was wrong the second Minho walked into that apartment. If he even made that far.
"He has work tomorrow. We'll go then," Seungmin continues, finally standing from the ratty couch. "Are there any leftovers from lunch?"
He's being so casual about all of this and while Minho is trying to be as well, it's hard. It's becoming unbelievably difficult to pretend this isn't weird. He's in Seungmin's body, a body that isn't his, one that doesn't have his center of gravity, that tilts differently than his own, that feels so different and yet so familiar at the same time. Seungmin's no stranger, not by any means, but that doesn't make it any easier to settle into a skin that isn't his.
Seungmin is trying to maintain some sense off composure, just a bit. Minho kindly doesn't point out the way his hands shake, just slightly, as he reaches for the door and leads the both of them out of the small workshop.
.
"Are you sleeping in here?" Seungmin asks and he settles down on the bed, the covers pulled back. Minho had prepared it this morning, even washed the sheets just for him. He even went out of his way and used the special detergent that he liked. Unscented for the soap and a gentle lavender fabric softener with a soft floral scented dryer sheet. If he had snuck into Felix's and Seungmin's laundry room to find out the brands that he used, that's between him and the laundry baskets.
Minho flops down next to him, clothes changed into the spare set that Seungmin had brought with him. Changing had been only mildly embarrassing, both of them promising to not look anymore than they needed to. While Minho had wanted to point out that they have seen each other in various states of dress, he refrained. He knows Seungmin values his privacy, and by extension modesty, so he makes it a point to not look down even once while changing. He's sure Seungmin's done the same. He doesn't really know, he was kinda looking at the ceiling the whole time.
"I planned on it," Minho answers, as he turns up the heating pad under Seungmin's back. Minho's back has been sore recently, just a small twinge here and there but he figures it'll irritate Seungmin if he has to sleep on it all night. "I can sleep on the couch, if you want me to."
"No, it's fine." Seungmin shakes his head, waving his hand in a dismissal at the question. It's still odd seeing such a Seungmin gesture on his own body. "Oh that feels nice," Seungmin mumbles, grabbing the covers to pull them over himself.
The bed isn't really made for personal space. A full size bed is perfect for Minho, not so much when he has Seungmin over. They don't make a habit of having sleepovers, not when they both have perfectly good beds they can go home to after spending the day together. But sometimes, on the rare weekend (though Minho doesn't know if every other weekend can be considered 'rare' by any stretch of the imagination), Minho finds himself in Seungmin's bed and vice versa. They both get lazy every now and again, not wanting to return home after spending all day in a cafe or restaurant hopping.
And if Minho wants to spend a little more time with Seungmin every now and again, is that a crime? He doesn't think so, not even a little bit. Contrary to what he might say to the witch, and even to their friends, he does enjoy his company. Maybe even a little too much.
It does help that more often than not, Seungmin seems to be wrapped up in his arms at some point during the night, and well, there's nothing that can be done about that.
"Hi Dori." Seungmin breaks the silence that's overtaken the dimly lit room. Minho can hear the soft purrs of his youngest cat. He would call him a traitor but he has always oddly favored Seungmin over him. It's a bit unfair, considering Minho is the one that feeds him. He never even spares Minho a glance if the other witch is over.
Without thinking, Minho reaches over Seungmin to pet the little demon. It's like he knows that Minho's in Seungmin's body, and maybe he does, since he doesn't even spare him a glance as Minho scratches his little head. He ignores him completely, just cuddling closer to Seungmin's warmth.
"He's only over there because you have the heating pad." Minho feels the need to point out. He doesn't need to think about the fact that Dori never cuddles with him when it's just him, opting to stay closer to the edge of the bed for ease of escape at a moments notice if he gets late night zoomies. Soonie and Doongie are somewhere behind Minho, where they normally are during the night. He's sure Soonie will end up on his pillow, as per usual, at some point despite Minho's numerous attempts to get him to stay on his own personal pillow.
He hears a soft snort of laughter and he swears that it sounds just like Seungmin despite it coming from Minho's body. "You say that everytime," Seungmin mumbles.
"It's true every time," He grumbles right back. He knows that he should retract his arm, at least pretend that they are going to maintain a semblance of distance between the both of them but he's too tired to even act like he hates this. Like he hates having Seungmin in his arms, the warmth of his body is too irresistible, too tempting right now to put up defenses. Even like this though, he realizes how different they are, down to the blood in their bodies. Even if everything is wrong, this still feels right.
Seungmin normally runs warmer, always has. His magic naturally makes him run a little on the hot side, just due to it constantly flowing through him, giving him a decent amount of heat in his body. Minho, on the other hand, runs colder, especially in the winter, his own magic never helping him stay even slightly warm during the coldest months of the year.
"Hyung," Seungmin whispers, just quiet enough for Minho to hear. He hums softly, encouraging Seungmin to continue. "What if it doesn't work tomorrow?" A small hint of anxiety creeps it's way into his voice, just slightly. Just enough for Minho to catch and for him to regret everything that's led to this moment. Well, not this moment in particular. He enjoys Seungmin in his arms, at the very least. Small mercies for the undeserving, he supposes.
He doesn't answer right away. The uncertainty in a voice that isn't Seungmin's makes him actually consider the question.
By all rights, the potion should have worked a second time. He must have messed up the blood, that's the only thing that would have made any sense. Minho should have drank his own blood the second time, he knows that now. He hadn't really considered needing a plan B, he hadn't seen it in his future to fail. That was never a possibility.
But now it's looming over his head. Over Seungmin's too now. A poor calculation and lack of good judgment has left the both of them floating in bodies that they have no reason to be in.
"Sorry," Seungmin mumbles, derailing any thoughts that Minho had. "I shouldn't be so negative."
No, Minho thinks, you have every right to be negative. It's only fair. He should be more negative if Minho's being honest. He should be cussing at him, yelling at him to get up and start working again, stop lazing around and get back to work. He should be angry with Minho, he should be pissed, he should hate him-
"Goodnight hyung," Seungmin whispers softly as he moves just enough for Minho to hold him that much closer. Like this, he can smell his own shampoo, though now that he thinks about it, it smells oddly like the one that Seungmin uses. Something soft and clean, easy on the nose.
"Goodnight," Minho murmurs back, his racing mind screeching to a sudden halt.
Sleep finds him easily, despite everything. He guesses it's easy to shut his mind off with Seungmin in his arms.
.
"Lix should be out for a few hours." Seungmin tells him as he keys in the code for the apartment.
They have only been awake a good hour when they find themselves making the trek across town to Seungmin's shared apartment. Minho had debated on going now or later, a little worn out and in desperate need for coffee. In the end, the need to get started on fixing this was too high on his list of priorities to wait around.
Waking up had only been slightly awkward between the two of them. Looking back on all the other times they've woken up wrapped all over each other, it wasn't any more or less weird than back then.
If anything, it was nice. Sort of. Would have been a whole lot better if they had been in the correct bodies, but Minho is working on that.
"He normally gets off around noon, we should have enough time to-"
"Minnie!" A voice shouts through the apartment, deep and rough, as if laced with sleep. Minho only has moments to brace for the impact from the owner of said voice and catch him before he falls. Before he can even give his own hello, the touch of nose against his neck startles him enough to make him jerk. "You smell so good Seungminnie, are you wearing new perfume? Smells like Minho hyung's."
Oh god, how could Minho forget? Of course Felix would be able to smell the perfume that he always wears. It had been automatic to put it on and now such a simple routine could blow their whole cover. He can see the frantic way that Seungmin is looking at the both of them, clearly shocked to see him here at all. His shift must have been cancelled, it happens every now and then. It doesn’t matter, they need to make this work.
"He smelled like wet dog when he got out of the shower so sprayed him with some febreze when we left." Seungmin answers for Minho, surprising the older witch with a shockingly accurate statement that he probably would have given had he been in the correct body.
It gets one laugh out of Felix, just like normal before he's pouting at Minho again. "I thought you were going to be back last night?"
Now, Minho knows that Felix is possessive of Seungmin. It's normal for wolves to latch on to other people, typically supernaturals, and make them partake in nesting and other wolf-like things just because they consider them pack. Felix has roughly 7 people he would consider pack members but only one lives him so it's only natural that he feels more protective of him.
Knowing all that, however, does not help the surge of jealousy that runs through Minho when Felix gets like this. All possessive and worried, that is.
"I was too tired. Lots of studying last night." Minho lies quickly. He tries to keep his voice even and neutral, just like Seungmin would but it's not easy. Seungmin doesn't make it easy for him to copy. It's one thing to pick up on the natural ways that he acts, like the fidgeting, the constant need for movement, the way he purses his lips when he's thinking, that all he can vividly see. But acting it out? That's a different story.
The wolf seems to buy it, considering he let go of Minho, sighing to himself. "Thank god exams are almost here, I'm going crazy. I have an essay due before midnight and I think I'm going to have to just lock myself in my room to finish it."
Seungmin makes a small noise that sounds very Seungmin like and decidedly not Minho-ish at all. If Felix notices, he doesn't mention it. Instead, he just flops back on to Minho, clinging to him like he always does to Seungmin. He's used to Felix's love for touch, so this isn't that shocking to him, but he still is learning how to operate Seungmin's lanky arms. He settles for wrapping them around Felix's waist, just settling there softly like he's seen the younger witch do hundreds of times to the wolf.
"Ah, hyung." Felix perks up just a bit, letting go just slightly of Minho but not enough for him to escape. In fact, he thinks his small hands tighten, just slightly. Just enough to hurt. "Jisung is here. I'm glad you stopped by, he wanted to ask you about the final essay for… Potion Manipulation? I think?" The wolf shrugs. "I don't remember. He's about to pull out his hair though, do you mind helping him out?"
His smile is saccharine sweet, Minho can almost taste it. Maybe it's the fact that Seungmin's body, and magic, is just more sensitive, more in tune with Felix as a whole, but he can practically feel the energy radiating off Felix. Though it's faint and the buzzing is soft, it's still there. And it feels dangerous.
Minho wants to tell Seungmin to wait, to not leave him, but he can't without drawing some suspicion. With Felix already pressed against him as if he's trying to size him up, it would just make things worse. Make him more concerned than he already seems to be. Seungmin barely gives a small nod before escaping down the hall and Minho barely sees his hands shake as he exits, the only indication of his nerves of being caught.
Seungmin's always been one for the rules, he doesn't like it when they aren't followed. He has a strict schedule and routine he likes to do before he even starts his day officially. Minho's seen him do more times than he cares to admit. That being said, Minho can understand his anxiety. It confuses him just a bit, considering the witch has no problem with creating demonic charms, but he digresses. Being caught doing soul magic like this could land them both in trouble. Minho's whole thesis could grant him a huge fine and possible probation but he thinks it'll be worth it, in the end. Maybe. Probably. He's starting to question if it is, but he doesn't have time right now to think about that. He has to focus his energy on Seungmin right now.
He feels the fingers tighten impossibly more around his waist, enough to bruise Seungmin's delicate skin around the ribs. Minho barely has time to register the pain before he's being pushed against the closest wall, crowded without warning by the wolf.
It knocks the breath out of him, enough to make his lungs sting when he tries to breath. He can feel the hard press of the wall behind him, some picture frame pressing into his back. He thinks, distantly, that the glass must have shattered. He can feel something sharp pressing there, insistent and terrifying. He tries to not move, doesn't want to invoke more anger than he seemingly already has in Felix. The feels rather than hears the snarl that rips itself out of the wolves throat, the vibration of it resonating through his entire body violently. It would make him shutter if he could bring himself to move his body. Instead, he tries to stay still. He manages until he feels the wolf press harder against him, leaning in closer, hand close to his throat, almost tightening but not quite.
"Yongbok-" Minho gasps out. It's strange, the way that his magic surges in response to the wolf's sudden closeness, but it doesn't seem to do much damage. In fact, it doesn't seem to do any at all with the way that Felix's expression doesn't even change. The small bit that he can see terrifies him. Never in his life has Minho ever been afraid of Felix, never had a reason to. The way that he looks close to shifting in this little apartment and ripping Minho's throat out gives him about a thousand and one.
Minho tries to push the wolf back but he's suddenly acutely aware of the fact that Felix is not only stronger than him at the moment, but also more experienced with Seungmin's magic. His body is probably immune to anything that Minho could reasonably try to hit him with to get him off him. He doesn't want to hurt him, he would rather Felix do what he wants that to actually hurt him with magic that he can't control. Instead, he just weakly tries to push him away, hoping to break through the haze of anger that has washed over the wolf.
"Who are you?" Felix's deep voice asks, surprising Minho just a bit. It sounds nothing like the Felix he knows, the one filled with smiles and happiness. It scares him, to his core and beyond. He doesn't know how long they stay like that, time seems to slow.
"Yongbok, it's me-" Minho tries and has to hold back the gasp in the back of throat when Felix growls at him.
He's never growled at Minho, not even when Minho really thinks he's deserved it. He's never even pretended to, even in jest, like he does with Seungmin all the time. He's always been nothing but perfectly sweet to Minho, even in his worst moments. Expect, well, until now he supposes.
"Where's Seungmin?" Felix grunts out, as if words are hard for him. They are in dangerous territory right now he realizes. He knows he only has so much time before Felix surrenders himself to his wolf, letting the animalistic side of him have control. Minho won't stand a chance against him, not in this body. Not when he doesn't even know how to do anything with this much power, this much magic. He would kill Felix in a heartbeat, he knows that much.
Minho tries, he really does, to free one of his arms that was awkwardly pressed against the wall and tries to get Felix to loosen his grip on his throat. "Please, let me explain-" Minho starts, finally meeting Felix's eyes. They are wild, almost staring through Minho like he can't see him, lost in his own instincts to protect from something that he doesn't even understand yet. "Yongbok, it's me, please." Minho pleads, trying to break through the haze.
It doesn't seem to work since Felix just growls louder, deeper, than Minho has ever heard from a wolf before. "I don't know who you are or what you've done with Seungmin but when I find out-"
Whatever Felix is going to threaten is lost, a scream ripping through the small apartment, ricocheting off the wall. It seems to startle Felix, just enough for Minho to finally get a chance to push him away. His legs move automatically, towards the noise and the scream. He likes to think he knows himself pretty well and would recognize his own scream if push came to shove. He would know that voice anywhere and it sends a horrible feeling to his stomach, stricken with worry suddenly.
"Seungmin!" Minho calls out, ignoring the wolf hot on heels.
"Where do you think you're going-" Felix all but screams as he follows him down the hall and to Felix's room. It's a path he's taken many times, though he normally goes to the room across from the wolves and into a certain witch's room.
"Minho!" He hears his own voice call out, pitching higher at the end, distress lacing it. He barely thinks when he slams the door open, the hinges giving way quickly despite the charms that Minho's sure are on it. He knows the wolf has special charms that only allow him to open and close the door from the outside. Only people who he allows in can come in. The magic inside him swells, just enough to know that Minho, despite all of his attempts to keep this untamed magic that Seungmin has, has probably broken every single charm on the door. He doesn't care, he needs to see Seungmin-
The sight in front of him confuses him, just a bit.
Minho can practically see the magic radiating off Jisung. It's hard to miss. The way that it seems to surround him, engulf him, and, by proxy, Seungmin, is terrifying. He's rarely ever seen Jisung like this. Almost as if his magic has a mind of its own.
"Hyung, please, stop him-" Seungmin's pleading voice startles him out of whatever daze he was in. He takes in the scene fully now, able to see past the stupor all the magic in the air seems to have caused. Seungmin's cowering in the chair that Felix usually uses for gaming, Jisung hovering over him, posed to attack. It's a foreign sight, Jisung is not one to fight and Seungmin is not one to back down from one. It's a match made in hell, he supposes.
"Jisung, stop." Minho tries to be commanding, but it comes out weak, voice slightly shot from the way Felix had pressed against it just moments ago. He feels the presence of Felix behind him and he braces for impact that never comes.
"What the fuck is going?" Felix asks instead, the growl still in his voice, just slightly.
Jisung glares at Seungmin, who tries to meet his gaze as best he can. It's a valiant effort on Seungmin's part, who looks worse and worse as the seconds tick by. The magic in the room is too thick for Minho right now, he can't imagine what havoc it's wrecking on Seungmin. Minho knows his body isn't made for this magic, to be around this much. It's not easy when Jisung, or any witch for that matter, gets like this.
"This isn't Minho hyung." Jisung whips his head around, looking at Felix. His eyes only briefly meets Minho's, just for a second before they widen. "What the fuck? Hyung?" Jisung pauses before looking down at Seungmin. He takes a breath, as if bracing for impact. The way that he flinches away when Jisung puts his hands on his cheeks makes Minho's heart lurch. He almost jumps over to stop him and prevent him form ever scaring Seungmin like that again, but he refrains since not only a second later, Jisung is relaxing his hands. "Seungminnie?" He whispers, just loud enough for all of them to hear as a look of horror crosses his features.
How Jisung can tell it's him, he doesn't know, nor does he care. What matters is that the magic in the room, oppressive and demanding magic, dissipates slowly, as if was never there.
"What are you talking about, that's not Seungmin." Felix huffs out, switching from glaring at Seungmin in the chair and Minho beside him.
Jisung removes his hands from Seungmin's cheeks only after one more moment, as if truly trying to understand what he is seeing. Whatever he is seeing, that is. Minho still isn't sure. "It is." Jisung nods, more to himself than anyone else.
"And how would you know that?" Felix snips back, voice still full of anger that Minho's not used to.
"Their aura," Jisung says seriously.
Something in Felix seems to shift, just a bit. "Jisung, be serious for a second, stop joking around-"
"I am serious Lix!" Jisung throws right back. "Everyone has auras that surround them. I… I didn't notice Seungmin's on hyung until I saw Minho hyung's and realized…" Jisung pauses for a moment, looking at Minho as if to confirm what he's suspecting. Minho desperately wishes he wouldn't. Rarely, the witch realizes, do those wishes come true. "You two switched bodies?"
Once it's out there, it can't be unsaid. How stupid was Minho to think that this would work? That they would be able to trick their friends, who know more about them than they will ever know or realize. Minho barely got through the door without Felix realizing something was up. Granted, he didn't expect Jisung to be here and figured it out the second he laid eyes on Minho stuck in a body that wasn't his.
Before he can respond, Seungmin sits up from the chair, grabbing Jisung's shirt. Desperate, he quickly pleads, "Please don't tell anyone. Don't-You can't report him. Us. Please." It's disjointed and hasty, anxiety laced through it. It doesn't even sound like Minho's voice but it doesn't seem like Seungmin's either. Some mix of the two that he never even thought could exist until this moment.
Jisung looks struck, seemingly startled by the action and even more so by the words. "Seungmin, I would never." He shakes his head, grabbing Seungmin's hand that still clings to this shirt. "You or hyung, you know I would never do that."
"I know but-" Seungmin starts, sparing a glance at Minho, fleeting and fearful. He seems to catch himself, relaxing only slightly. "I'm sorry, I don't know why I said that." The apology sounds sincere but the terror in his eyes doesn't leave. Not yet. "I know you would never do that to hyung."
"I would never do it to you. Either of you." Jisung corrects. "Just… Tell me what happened."
"Us," Felix chimes in, looking apologetically to Minho. "Please tell us what happened," He smiles, albeit sadly but more genuinely than before. "I'm sorry hyung, I didn't mean to hurt you."
Minho waves him off, welcoming the now gentle touch on his back. He doesn't feel any warmth back there, he can only assume the glass from the picture didn't injured him. Well, at least not too bad. He's sure there are some minor scratches but nothing to concern himself over. He'll check it as soon as he can, still acutely aware that this isn't his body, he needs to take a little more care and caution than he normally does. "You thought someone hurt Seungmin, I can't fault you for that."
"But still-"
"It's fine. I'm fine," Minho interrupts, not wanting Felix to take this and start spiraling over hurting him.
How can he blame him, really? He was just trying to help Seungmin, trying to save him. Felix's always been like that and Minho wouldn't have him any other way. If he had been the wolf, he's sure he would have done the same thing. He probably wouldn't have been able to control himself like Felix had been. It wouldn't have ended as peaceful as it did this time. Felix did the best thing that he could and Minho is grateful for him, he's glad Seungmin has someone who cares so deeply for him.
He pointedly ignores the surge of jealousy that rushes through him as he thinks about how deeply Felix does care for Seungmin. He has no right to be jealous. Not over something like Felix just caring for Seungmin.
And yet, the feeling lingers long after he tells himself it's just a passing thought.
.
"So let me get this straight," Jisung sighs, taking a sip of his iced americano. Seungmin had taken to the kitchen, commandeering the coffee maker before anyone else could. He had them all drinks before Minho even realized he had started. "You thought that since spells didn't work for soul swapping… That a potion would work?"
"That's correct." Minho nods, glad that Jisung was indeed paying attention to his long-winded explanation.
"And it worked a little too well?" Felix chimes in. He's been silent for most of the conversation, opting instead to alternate between hugging Minho and clinging onto Seungmin. It's a normal occurrence, though this time his body seems to be at war with itself. Almost as if it's unsure if it wasn't to hold on to the body of Seungmin or latch on to the soul of Seungmin. Only minutes pass before one instinct wins over the other before he switches who he is holding on to. Minho doesn't mind and Seungmin seems to enjoy it, even if he does cringe when Felix tries to lick his face once. It's a wolf thing, so Felix says, but Minho isn't so sure about that.
"Understatement of the year," Seungmin grumbles, glaring at the ground in front of him. He seems to have calmed down, just a bit. The worry about being report has faded but Minho can't help but wonder what spurred him to ask Jisung that.
Minho would almost bet that if any of their friends knew about Seungmin's shady charm's business, it would probably be Jisung and Changbin. Hyunjin would end up spilling the secret to everyone, Felix wouldn't be able to lie about it, Chan would tell Seungmin all of the potential downsides to said business and the risks of not properly laundering the money, and Jeongin would want to try to get into the business with him and cut down on Seungmin's profit margins.
Jisung is more likely to keep it on the low. He would be chill about it, probably tell Seungmin a better way to do it. Minho wouldn't even be surprised if he helped on it. However, he also would like to think that he and Jisung don't keep big secrets like that. They are best friends for a reason,they know each other like the back of their hands. Granted, Minho hadn't told Jisung about the whole soul swapping potion so he can't expect Jisung to just tell him if he and Seungmin were engaging in demonic magic.
Changbin most definitely knows, Minho concludes. He's the only one that would benefit from it. Charms that make life easier on demons in the mortal realms are god-sent (do demons say devil-sent? Minho needs to ask Changbin one day) so of course Changbin would probably know where to find them. Especially if they were just a few doors down and Seungmin was steadily supplying them.
Demon magic is a very delicate practice, not everyone can do it. Nor should they. Most witches cannot contain the pure and raw energy it takes to create the charms that demons use. Unlike natural charms that other supernaturals use, the ones made for demons have to use elements from their home.
Which, in all cases, is hell. Literally.
Most use a form of sulfur. It's easily handled, not too hard to harvest for a demon and is even sold commercially to some witches. Usually, only those who are approved to make charms for demons. There are very people who can, and will, make the charms, most opting to just push it off to someone else.
And, most of them being demons themselves.
"You just need sulphur, right?" Seungmin asks, breaking Minho out of his thoughts. He realizes that all of them are looking at him, all various stages of confusion written on their faces. He pointedly doesn't look at the worried expression that Jisung is sending his way. He doesn't have time or energy to handle that right now.
"Yeah, that's all," Minho quickly confirms, nodding. Seungmin stands, stretching as he does.
"I'll go grab it before I forget." It's unlikely that Seungmin would forget something like, especially since it's the only thing that they came for, but he says nothing about it. "Come with me, you can raid my workshop and see if anything else could work."
Minho is more than happy to jump up and follow him, away from them curious looks that both Jisung and Felix are sending them.
Seungmin's workshop, just like Seungmin himself, is tidy. Extremely so. Everything has a place, even the clutter, and it makes Minho's own workshop look like a mess in comparison. Where he has everything put where he knows he can find it, even if no one else can, Seungmin's just screams organization. There are some plants scattered here and there, along with not one but two different bookshelves that are filled to the brim with books and figurines that he's sure Seungmin's collected over the years.
Minho watches as Seungmin moves through it with ease through the shop, opening a few drawers and laying out anything that might be useful it seems.
"You can have anything in the top drawers," Seungmin tells him as he grabs the powdered sulfur and hands it over to Minho. It's plenty to start with, hopefully they won't need more. If they do, they are going to be trouble, but that's a problem for future Minho.
"Do you have any enhancers?" Minho asks, curious. He knows some charms work much better even with a small enhancer sometimes, so he's sure Seungmin has something laying around.
Seungmin hums, sitting down at his own work station that is far cleaner than Minho's has ever been. "Second left drawer," he mumbles, leaning on his hand and watching Minho through half-lidded eyes. He looks exhausted and Minho already has plans to shoo him off to bed as soon as they get back to Minho's apartment. He can rest while Minho does some tinkering on the potion and they can try again tonight.
In the drawer, there are some spell enhancers. They are useless for potions, at least most of them, but he does spot a tuft of what looks like wolf hair, likely Jeongin's based on the ginger color, that he thinks he could use. He wonders how Seungmin convinced the wolf to give him that but Minho knows that Seungmin can have worse puppy eyes than the actual wolves that they know so it couldn’t have been that hard.
"Do you mind?" Minho holds up the hair, waiting for Seungmin to lazily open his eyes and see what's in his hand before setting it next to the sulfur to take home with him. Seungmin only nods and Minho is sure that the other witch can probably get more. Jeongin has always been a little soft on him, even if he won't admit it.
"Anything else?" Seungmin asks as Minho closes all the drawers, making sure to leave the space as he found it. He doesn't want to deal with Seungmin's whining that he messed up his workshop. Again.
"This should be good for now," Minho sighs. "I have plenty of stuff we can try at my workshop."
Seungmin only hums again, moving to stand up and it's like everything suddenly goes into slow motion.
One minute, Seungmin is fine and just lazily standing and the next, he's swaying to the left and his knees are buckling. Minho barely has time to react before he's rushing over, quickly supporting Seungmin's weight with his now limited strength. He has to give it to Seungmin though, he surprisingly has enough muscles to support Minho's body, but not enough to lift it considering he struggles to stabilize the other.
"Seungmin?" Minho breaths out as he rushes to make the other man sit back down. It's no easy task, considering Seungmin's deadweight now. He doesn't know how to work Seungmin's magic, not in the slightest, but he can't stop himself reaching out and trying to feel for Seungmin like he had last night. Just to check on him, make sure he's still breathing, if nothing else. He's met with a steady beat on his heart and while he's still alive, the exhaustion seems to be more severe than he's been letting on. "Minnie, stay awake, just a little longer, okay? Why don't you go lay down on your bed?"
He gets a groan for an answer as he leans back just enough to see Seungmin blink his eyes open. Minho jolts when he realizes that he had been expecting to see Seungmin, like actually Seungmin, and is met with his own face instead. He doesn't think he'll ever get used to that.
"I'm fine," Seungmin mumbles, clearly lying. "Just got dizzy. I'm fine. We… Let's go back to yours."
"You're literally next to your room, just go lay down."
"I sleep better at your place," Seungmin admits and any other day, Minho would tease him relentlessly over the confession. He would tell him that he's so obsessed with him, that Seungmin can't do anything without him, maybe even throw in a joke about having to keep a dog bed by his bed just so Seungmin can have a place to sleep.
Instead, none of that leaves his lips. All he can manage through the sudden fondness and happiness that boils up in his chest is a nod and smile.
Though, he's sure his ears leave no mystery at how that little confession makes him feel.
Rather than think about that, he focuses on fixing this. Hopefully, by tonight.
.
Their seventh attempt, nearly 2 months later, finds them in the bathroom not even a full minute after waking up. Only 30 minutes have passed this time, a new record low for their time asleep at least. If they can even call it sleeping. It's more like their bodies rearranging themselves when they just so happen to not be awake.
It's been so much trial and error, so many failures, one after another but this one seems to really be the worst one so far. Even when Seungmin had passed out for an hour, it wasn't this bad, he wasn't shaking like a leaf and looking ready to passout again. Or when they had to call Chan because Minho was convinced he killed Seungmin, only for the witch to grumble at him that he was fine despite how still and unresponsive when he was just laying down on the couch.
Seungmin wipes his mouth after flushing the toilet, wincing as he sits up. Minho feels useless patting his back, rubbing it softly as the aftershocks of throwing up seem to run through his already spent body. The shuddering breath he takes as he leans on the counter does nothing for his shaking arms, nor does it seem to keep him stable.
Minho's already running through thousands of ways to change the potion, what would be the best way to reduce stress on their bodies. Minho's body, well, Seungmin's body, isn't holding up much better than Seungmin while he was in Minho's body.
He knows, of course he knows, the toll this is taking on the both of them. Very acutely aware of it, in fact. The toll it will continue to take the longer he doesn't get this right. He knows he just has to fix one more thing, maybe just adjust the proportions some more, maybe that's where he's gone wrong. He can focus on that later, he decides when he feels a soft hand touch his forearm, weakly grabbing onto him like he's going somewhere. Like Minho would ever go anywhere else except right by Seungmin.
"It's okay. You're okay," Minho mumbles softly, clinging back to Seungmin, holding him steady as he tries to stand on shaking legs. It's been taking Seungmin longer and longer to recover from the various versions of the potions that Minho's been making. Granted, they have been at it nearly three days to no avail. "Let's brush your teeth," Minho suggests, even grabbing his toothbrush for him and putting the toothpaste on it.
Seungmin takes it from him with shaking hands. Minho tries to not stare too long at them. The longer he does, the worse he feels. He feels horrible, knowing that he is the cause of it, that he caused it and that Seungmin is, without a doubt, getting worse despite how much he protests. With every failed attempt, it just puts them further behind. It's taking away from precious study time that Seungmin could be using for finals, it's deteriorating his health, and now making him sick from the pain of the constant failures. The only upside is that when they finally do switch, if they switch, at least Minho will be able to pay for it in his own body. He'll gladly live with the pain, if just to take it from Seungmin.
He'll do anything to take it from Seungmin.
His eyes catch Seungmin's in the mirror, just for a beat, before he darts them away, afraid of what he might see. He feels just downright terrified of what Seungmin will say with his eyes that aren't his but in a voice that is undoubtedly Seungmin's. Something that shows the true disappointment in Minho, the real anger that he should have against him. Minho will take anything but the almost passive way that Seungmin's been taking this. Beyond a few moments of frustration, more at the situation than Minho himself, the younger witch hasn't been acting like this is truly affecting him.
When his eyes meet Seungmin's eyes, the ones that Minho has stolen, he's met with a sight he's not sure how to handle. They are tired, so tired, and worn from the last three days. There's a purple tint under his eyes that wasn't there before, as if they are bruised. The skin looks thin as paper, he's even lost some of the color that once gave life to his face. Seungmin's pretty, he always has been. Minho would be blind to not see that. Even right now, even with Minho in his body, he's still pretty. Handsome, even. And, devastatingly, exhausted looking.
When he glances at Seungmin, who continues to brush his teeth as best he can with his uncoordinated arms, he meets his eyes. Longer this time, enough time for him to really take in his appearance. His own body looks no better than Seungmin's. His eyes are bloodshot, probably from the amount of crying Seungmin had done after drinking the potion. It had torn Minho apart to know that Seungmin had been hurt but a sick and twisted part of him was happy that it was his body that felt the brunt of the pain. He didn't want Seungmin to hurt, but he thinks, distantly, that as long as his body is the one that suffers, he can cope with it in the aftermath. He has to. This is his fault, all of it, and he refuses to not take responsibility for it.
The quiet that overtakes them is gentle. Even when Seungmin finishes brushing his teeth, they say nothing to each other. The silence in the bathroom is only interrupted by the tapping of the leaking faucet that Minho hasn't had time to fix. The dripping is almost grounding in a way. Gives them something to listen to and focus on rather than address the elephant in the room.
There is nothing to be said, nothing that can be said that Minho hasn't already mumbled between rushed apologies for another failed attempt. Just how many times can he say he's sorry for hurting Seungmin, over and over again until he's a crying heap on the bathroom floor?
They look miserable, the pair of them side by side in Minho's small bathroom. It's not made for two people, let alone two grown men. Minho can barely see himself in the reflection, even when his body stands next to him.
He feels disjointed, like he's drifting away from himself. He's watching his body move, his face contort in emotions that he doesn't feel, and it feels wrong. Gross, even. It makes his skin crawl, skin that isn't even his in a body he barely knows. He's known Seungmin for many years and yet he still doesn't seem to understand one thing about him. Well, his body at the very least.
"We need to stop," Seungmin mumbles, interrupting his musing, as he rubs his hands across his face. It's something that the young witch would never do in his own body, something that Minho only does when he's actually stressed and doesn't care about the oils in his hand getting on his face. It's like his body is moving before Seungmin's mind can stop it. "This is too much. I can't do it again hyung." Seungmin shakes head, as if imagining trying again. Minho was already agreeing with him before he was ever trying to justify the reasoning.
"We do," He agrees, leaning on the counter and finally looking away from the mirror. He's seen enough of himself, of the body he's currently in. He needs to take better care of it. Better care of Seungmin, too. "we can try again tomorrow or the next day-"
"No." Seungmin shakes his head. "Hyung, you're not listening." Seungmin sighs, looking at Minho with the tired eyes he had seen in the mirror. Bloodshot and worn. "We need to stop. Completely."
The words make sense to Minho but they aren't registering in his mind. They still don't even as Seungmin brushes past him, making his way to the bedroom and to his bag as he starts to stuff his things half-haphazardly into it. That, surprisingly, is what gets his brain back online. "What are you talking about? What do you mean clompletely?" He pauses, watching as Seungmin stuffs his things into his bag carelessly. "Are you leaving?"
Seungmin doesn't pause, ignoring him completely as he grabs a shirt that Minho's pretty sure isn't his but he doesn't seem to care. Minho had gone back to wearing his own clothes at some point, ignoring that Seungmin's frame made some of them a little tight. He was more comfortable in his own clothes while Seungmin had just opted to keep wearing Minho's clothes. It was easier than lugging all of his wardrobe to Minho's apartment.
"I mean forever. Let's stop this, now. I can't keep doing this," Seungmin garbles out around barely hidden tears. He can hear the way his voice shakes. The way that he can't even bother hiding his tears, the exhaustion likely too much. Minho only knows because it's exactly how it sounds when he's trying to hide his emotions from watchful eyes.
"Seungmin, we're almost there, if we just try again, it might work. I'm close to finding the issue-"
"You said that last time," Seungmin cuts him off as he zips up his bag roughly. "And the time before." He glares weakly as he slings it on his shoulder. "I can't keep doing this over and over."
"Where are you going?" Minho asks instead of addressing the issue at hand. The thought of Seungmin leaving his sight, let alone the apartment, almost makes him physically sick. He can't imagine it.
"Home. Or Jeongin's. I don't know yet," Seungmin breathes out in a rush.
Minho doesn't try to stop him as he marches past him. In this body, he doubts his could. He hadn't realized just how big a difference in their muscle mass there was until all of this. "Call them to pick you up," Minho all but pleads, "Please, it's a long walk there and you're already weak."
As much as it pains him that Seungmin wants to leave, it's not like he can stop him. Maybe he's just sick of looking at Minho and seeing himself as much as Minho is. He's tired of the failures, of never seeing any results and just praying for something good to happen. It's wearing him thin and by extension, Seungmin as well.
Seungmin eyes him wearily, as if weighing his options about calling someone to pick him up. Chan would be his best bet. Jeongin would probably scold him for the whole thing while Chan would be more of a steady presence. Seungmin seems to think the same since he pulls out his phone and dials the number while trudging past Minho and into the living room. He can hear Seungmin talking but tries his best to tune it out.
Minho barely hears the conversation anyways, trying to stay busy in his room and out of Seungmin's way. He needs space, that much is obvious to the witch. He can practically feel his anger from here, it's probably even lingering in the air. Maybe some distance will be good for them. They have practically been living on top of each other while they've been trying to figure this out. It'll be good for Seungmin to not have to look at the man who upended his whole life over a stupid thesis.
It'll also give Minho time to look more at the potion. Maybe he can call Jisung and try their hands at the library and see if they can find anything there. They might have to try to check out some of the reserves, see what they can find in some of the older books back there. He doubts they would keep anything of value open to the public but it never hurts to check. He knows Seungmin wants to stop but they are so close, he can feel it. He just needs to try a little more. There are still options, they haven't exhausted everything and he'll be damned if they don't try.
"Chan hyung is coming," Seungmin tells him softly. It only startles Minho slightly. He turns to see Seungmin leaning against the door frame. He looks about as fragile as Minho feels. Maybe even more so. Minho never carried stress well, it always showed in the way that he slouched forward when he walked, in the way that he couldn't even bring himself to smile sometimes, and Seungmin doesn't seem like he can change any of that. Minho's body just naturally bends to the wariness, even when Seungmin tries to hold it up.
"Do you have everything?" Minho asks. He hopes, just a bit, that he does forget something. So he has to come back. He knows, truly, that Seungmin would never just walk out on him. He's not the type. He wouldn't leave Minho to deal with this alone, even if he is right now.
Seungmin just pushes himself off the frame, approaching slowly before stopping in front of Minho, eyes unreadable and expression set in stone. "I do." He nods, just slightly. "Can you try to get some rest tonight?"
Not a chance, Minho wants to say. He refrains, knowing that Seungmin will likely get upset with him for it. Rightfully so, Minho is doing a poor job at taking care of Seungmin's body. "I'll try."
"I don't believe you," Seungmin grumbles. Whatever quip Minho tries to throw back at him is lost when Seungmin reaches up, hand just lightly touching his check, his thumb gently swiping below his eyes.The touch is tender, so tender, as if Minho will break if he presses even a touch harder. It's sick, but he wants Seungmin to do it. Press harder, dig deeper into his skin. Maybe that's what they need to do, maybe that will switch them back. If they are too intertwined, if their flesh meets flesh, red and raw, maybe that would do it?
It's hard for Minho to look at himself and to see the way that Seungmin has to carry all the burdens that Minho has shoved on him. He would laugh if he could, but he doesn't think he can. This body is just too tired, exhausted to the point that even the magic that isn't his that stirs under skin that feels all wrong can't make him want to move from where he stands.
"Sometimes…" Seungmin whispers, thumb tracing the thin skin under Minho's eyes, "When I look at you in my body, I can't see myself anymore." His eyes dart around his face. First his eyes, then his nose, down to his mouth, every feature on display for Seungmin to examine. His eyes filled with curiosity as if he's looking at his own face for the first time. "And then I look in the mirror… And I don't see you anymore. I don't even recognize myself anymore. I don't know who is staring back at me anymore."
"I see you," Minho shakes his head, desperate for him to understand, "In the mirror, I see you."
"For how long?" Seungmin whispers, finding his eyes again. "How long before you see the line between you and I start to blur too?"
"I'm just so close to figuring this out," Minho responds instead of answering. "It has to be something with the amounts-"
"Hyung," Seungmin interrupts. Minho pauses, waiting for him to continue. "One more time," He tells him, voice stern. There's no room for argument but Minho will make some. He has to. Before he can open his mouth, Seungmin barrels on. "I can't keep doing this hyung. The hope it'll work just for it to be ripped away. I'm exhausted." His hand drops, slowly and gently. His eyes don't meet Minho's, instead locked on his own hand touching Minho. Touching his own body that Minho's living in. The one that he can barely see himself in anymore.
The touch is soft, almost reverent and perhaps, in a way, mournful. Longing for what he had, what was stolen from him. Eventually, his hand drops to hold Minho's wrist. He holds it lightly, as if afraid to take the final step and hold his hand. Minho doesn't dare to push him to, not when he still seems to struggle with the simple touch. "I just think… We should focus less on trying to reverse it and just… Live with it."
"Seungmin-"
"Let me finish," Seungmin interrupts, eyes still focused on his own hand, unable to meet Minho's gaze. His voice has taken a watery edge, tears obviously held back. "I can't… We can't live like this. I'm so tired of thinking maybe this will be the day, this will be the one… I don't even feel like myself anymore hyung. I can't even recognize myself." He whispers, voice soft and aching for something that Minho doesn't know. "I don't know where you start and I begin. When I look in the mirror, I see you and I'm starting to expect it. I'm getting used to not seeing myself." His voice wobbles, just a bit, "We need to stop fighting it."
Minho says nothing, letting Seungmin take a few shuttering breaths. He knows he needs them right now. "Seungminnie, we can't give up."
"Why not?" Seungmin asks, fiercely. "We're not getting anywhere hyung! We've tried everything!" He cries, pulling his hand away from Minho's before stalking over to the window. It's been raining lately, more than normal. The younger witch just watches the rain pelt the glass, large droplets flowing down in with the rivers of water. It's pouring tonight. Usually, the rain would provide great background noise to their studying and writing but tonight, it just grates on Minho's nerves.
"We haven't," Minho insists, rushing to grab his notebook. He thinks if he just tries a few more things, it'll work. "If we just-"
"And if it doesn't work, then what?" Seungmin whips around from the window, eyes red even from here. "We're back at square one? If we even get there? Who's to say the next potion won't kill one of us?" Seungmin hastily wipes at his eyes, ignoring the obvious red already around them. "I spent 30 minutes throwing up, who's to say that wasn't just the start? What if it's worse next time?" Seungmin takes a deep breath, working through the shuddering through his ribcage as he does. "Your body can't take this hyung. Your body isn't made for this much magic. It's going to give out before mine and then what? Do you want to stay stuck like that? In my body?"
"You know I don't," Minho denies, "So what, you think we should just stay like this?" He's getting defensive, he knows very well that he is but he can't help it. Seungmin's not thinking rationally, his emotions clouding his judgment. He pointedly ignores the voice in his head that sounds weirdly like Chan that his own judgment might be a bit hazy right now. "We should just call it quits because we can't figure it out right away?"
"It's been two months hyung." Seungmin corrects, huffing as he does. "I can't live like this-"
"It's temporary, this isn't forever," Minho argues. "We can't just give up, you have your test in a month-"
"I'm not taking it," The witch breathes out quickly before turning back to look out the window. "I'm calling tomorrow and retracting my spot."
"What?" Minho breaths out, horror over taking his body. As if Minho doesn't know how much effort and time the younger witch has put into his studies, into his work.
He's been planning on taking the test since he was a freshman, probably before Minho even knew him. It's all he's been working for, it's what his fucking degree is in and he's just going to retract his spot? The test is only once a year and typically, they only allow five spots a year to open. It's a hard test but one that Minho is sure that Seungmin can pass with flying colors. If he retracts his spot though, he'll never be allowed to take it again. It's an old rule, one made so people take the test seriously.
"You won't be able to take it next year-"
"I'll figure something out." The younger witch shrugs as if it's not heartbreaking to hear. As if Minho doesn't know how devastated Seungmin will be if he isn't doing what he loves. As if he hadn't been there when Seungmin made those plans and hadn't planned on being there to watch him do it. "I don't care anymore, I'm sick of this. I'm sick of trying to get back a body I don't even remember anymore."
Somehow, out of all of the things that Seungmin has said, that hits the worst. It feels the worst too because deep down, Minho knows it's true. And perhaps, also because he fears he's starting to feel the same. "How can you say that?" Minho wonders outloud, even if he meant to keep it inside.
"I don't care about any of that. I don't care about getting my body back anymore, I just…" Seungmin pauses, a soft sob passing through his lips as his shoulders shake. It's been so long since Minho has cried, he's surprised his body still knows how. Seungmin seems to have coaxed it out of him even though Minho wishes he hadn't. "I just want to stop. I'm so tired, hyung." Seungmin starts crying in earnest and it makes Minho want to wrap him up in his arms and hold him.
If they were in their correct bodies, he would. He's done it before, many times.
He held him when he cried on the fourth floor of the library over his first F on a test. Even when his tears dried up, Minho had helped him clean up and offered to help him study for his next test. He had pulled him close when his father had passed away suddenly, years ago. Minho had even been the one to drive him to the funeral, had stood by his side and held his hand while people gave condolences. He had been there the day his mother had passed, only two years ago. Hadn't even thought about leaving his side once when they made their way back to Seungmin's hometown for a second time. He wrapped him in arms, every time Seungmin needed it, every time he cried and yet now, standing in the wake of his devastation, he stands still.
Seungmin clumsy swipes at his eyes, chest heaving with the sobs that wrack through him. All Minho can do is watch. He thinks he deserves it, seeing how he's hurt Seungmin and will never be able to truly pay for it the way he should.
"Please, let's just stop," Seungmin sobs, voice already shot.
"Seungmin…" Minho tries, stepping closer but not daring to touch. He doesn't deserve it, not now, maybe not ever again. "You… But your magic-"
"I don't fucking care about my magic!" Seungmin screams, startling Minho into stepping back. He's never heard Seungmin scream like that, he's never heard his own voice pitch like that either. It's bizarre, almost uncanny. "I don't! I never have! Even if I did, would it matter!?" Seungmin screeches out. "You can have it! It's all yours now!" Seungmin pauses, looking at him through bloodshot eyes and tear-stained eyelashes. "That's what you wanted, right? Magic like mine? Well it's all yours now!" He laughs through his tears, staring at Minho with those bloodshot eyes. "Aren't you happy? Is that why you want to keep trying, hope one of these stupid fucking potions will off me and you can have my magic?"
"No," Minho whispers, horrified, shaking his head almost violently. The accusation sits heavy in the air. It makes Minho want to throw up. Is that truly what Seungmin thinks? That he wanted this? That he planned for this to happen? He would never be so cruel and to think that Seungmin sees him like that, even imagining him to be so cruel to that capacity, makes him physically ill. His stomach turns and he wants to run away but he knows it'll do no good. He can't run from the truth. At least what Seungmin believes is the truth. "I would never-Seungmin, I would never do that," He babbles, trying to convince him in rushed assurances. "Please, Seungmin, I wouldn't. You don't think that, do you?"
It seems to snap Seungmin out of whatever anger filled stupor he's in and his sobs slow, just enough to listen to whatever Minho can manage to say. Continued assurances fall from his lips but he doesn't even know what he's saying. He doesn't know how Seungmin can make it out but he seems to understand. "I don't know what I think," Seungmin gets out around the sobs that rip through him. It kills Minho to watch but he can't look away. He owes him that much. "Jisung told me once-" He breaks off with another sob, unintelligible words following.
The willpower it takes to not ask Seungmin to continue is strong. Jisung? What's he got to do with this? Why would just the memory make Seungmin break down in tears?
Seungmin wipes away the tears hastily, the skin around his eyes turning red and raw. "He… He told me. You don't have to pretend, okay? I knew it would end like this, it's fine-"
"Seungmin," Minho can't hold himself back anymore, stepping closer to the other witch, hands hovering and unsure if he's allowed to touch him. He doesn't know if he'll get used to looking at himself anytime soon. But now more than ever, he doesn't recognize himself or his own body. It's like looking into a fun house mirror, all wrong and he can't pinpoint where it went wrong. Almost uncanny in nature. "I don't know what you're talking about. I don't know what Jisung said, but I would never-"
"You're jealous of my magic, right?" Seungmin can't meet his eyes when he says it. "You have been since we met. Jisung… He told me that you were. Last year at the party... That you didn't like that I was wasting it away. That you would do anything to have it." Seungmin pauses, bloodshot eyes meeting Minho's own. He barely feels the tears in his eyes until his cheeks feel damp and hot all of sudden as a memory rushes through his mind.
"Seungmin-"
"Is this what ‘anything’ means?" Seungmin whispers.
.
1 year ago
.
Minho stares at the bottle in his hand that grows warmer as the night drags on. He's supposed to be celebrating with the others, supposed to be happy, but he just can't bring himself to. It's too much work tonight.
"You look happy to be here," A voice teases as a cold bottle presses into his cheek. It startles him, just a bit, the condensation more irritating than the temperature.
"Thrilled," Minho grumbled as he takes a sip of the new beer and puts the old one on the table in front of them. It doesn't taste very good, it never does. This brand is one of Seungmin's favorites, some mid-range brand that just tastes like yeast to Minho. He much prefers a mixed drink at a bar or club but this isn't his party and he hadn't thought to grab any soju on the way here. He does know exactly what he is picking up before he goes home. There are four bottles of yogurt flavored soju calling his name at the convenience store a block from his apartment and who is he to ignore them?
"You could smile a little," Jisung snorts.
Minho takes another sip as the other witch plops down next to him. They are lucky the couch doesn't give out, considering that Felix found it on Facebook and convinced Seungmin that it fit perfectly in their little apartment. It was old but unfortunately, the wolf was very correct. It does look nice here, even if it was a little aged and had more than few questionable stains on it. "Nothing to smile about," Minho deadpans, ignoring the weak hit that Jisung gives him on the shoulder. He barely even feels it.
"That's a lie," Jisung rolls his eyes, "There's plenty! Come on, you can at least pretend to be happy for Seungmin!"
He knows Jisung is joking but it's not a joke to Minho. He is very happy for Seungmin. Happier than probably anyone else here. He's never not been happy for Seungmin, even if he doesn't know how to tell him. He knows that sitting here and pouting like some child doesn't really help his case but he doesn't know how to feel.
"I'm happy for him."
"You have a weird way of showing it," The other witch laughs humorlessly, sipping on his beer slowly.
He doesn't know how to respond, opting instead to ignore the goading from him. His eyes naturally look for Seungmin, like they always do when the witch leaves his line of sight for more than a few moments. He knows that it's a little obsessive but he can't help it. He looks happier than he has in months, the long nights that he's put in studying and interning finally paying off. The smile on his lips looks far better than the perpetual frown that seems to have been plaster on his face for the past month.
They are supposed to be celebrating the end of the semester for all of them but they are really here Seungmin. Most of them, mainly Jeongin and probably Jisung who just finished tests only two hours ago, would prefer to just fall into bed and sleep off the treacherous finals. They are here to celebrate him though and his acceptance into the fast track graduate program for charm making.
Minho could almost laugh at the absurdity of it.
In a year's time, he's sure they will be planning a party for Seungmin's second graduation. A full year from now, they will be throwing him a party and Seungmin will be applying to take his licensing exam and start practicing what he's wanted to since Minho met him. All while Minho will probably still be in his own graduate program, grovelling for another grant from some professor who doesn't care and doesn't think any of Minho's theories have any base or merit. He'll probably still be arguing with his advisor about his career path, still discussing different degree programs, still fucking trying to figure out what he's going to do with his life and his useless goddamn magic-
"Hyung," Jisung whispers softly, like he's talking to a wild animal, "What's got you so upset?"
Minho hesitates because what does have him so upset? What is he willing to admit to Jisung? And beyond that, to his own brain?
It's obvious, at least to himself. Maybe it's obvious to everyone, maybe it's written on his face, and everyone is just too kind to say anything. Jealousy had never been a good look for him, he knows that at least. It has never felt good either. It settles low in his stomach, heavy and gross, weighing him down until he can barely move without it knocking him down.
"You know why," Minho crosses his arms, watching as Seungmin laughs loudly at something that Changbin says and puts his hand on the demon's arm. It can't be that funny, he thinks to himself, scoffing slightly outloud. He grateful that Jisung doesn't mention the noise that escapes his lips. He's not sure how he would explain that without sounding insane.
"Not really," Jisung disagrees, "You haven't really talked about-"
"And you think this is the right place to do so?" Minho snaps. Instantly, he feels like shit for doing so. He never talks like that to him. It's not Jisung's fault that he feels like this. "Sorry, I didn't mean that."
"It's okay," Jisung waves him off, apology accepted easily, even if Minho doesn't deserve it. "It might not be the right place… But when else are you going to talk about it?"
Hopefully never, Minho thinks miserably. He doesn't think that he's going to be granted that little wish though. Leaning back against the couch, he finally rips his eyes from Seungmin to look at Jisung. He's staring at him like he already knows and he wouldn't doubt it if he did.
Maybe Seungmin was his first friend but Jisung quickly became his best friend. He doesn't know what it is about the other witch, it was just easy for them to connect. He feels comfortable around him, like he can tell him anything without judgment. It's that comfort that almost makes him tell everything. Almost.
His eyes close and his head lulls back against the back of the couch, the beer suddenly feeling bringing him closer to the edge of fuzzy. Warm. It makes his tongue just a little more loose. "He has it all figured out," Minho mumbles, "Everything. He knows exactly what he's going to do with his life."
"He's a good planner. Pragmatic. Type A personality."
Minho nods to himself. He personally thinks Seungmin leans closer to a type A-B personality, leaning closer to A than B. But he does like planning and he does like organizing things so it makes more sense.
"He's got it all planned out," Minho continues, "And I don't even even know what I'm going to do tomorrow morning. "
"You have a lot of time to figure it out," Jisung tries to assure him. He's heard it so many times from so many people and yet he doesn't know if it's actually true. It feels he's stuck watching time pass him by. This is his life but all he can do is watch it happen around him. "I'm serious hyung, you have so much time."
Maybe he does, maybe he doesn't. He has another idea in the works right now, just something that might work, but he has no motivation to work on it. He doubts that it would even get approved for funding at this point. He's not going to get anywhere any time soon with it. He thinks he needs to scrap everything and start from stratch and see what he can come up with.
"You're upset with him, right?" Jisung presses.
"No." Minho disagrees quickly. He doesn't think he's mad at Seungmin, not in a way that he really can articulate five shots deep and counting.
"Jealous?" Jisung tries again and Minho can't help the way his stomach swoops at the word.
Yes, Minho knows he is jealous. Extremely so, more than he has ever been in his entire life. It hurts to even think about it sometimes, it makes him feel disgusting. He feels like it spills out of him, like everyone can see it. It lingers inside of him and flows through him like the blood in his veins and he's powerless to its desire for more. He wants and wants and yet he knows he can't have what he really wants. He doesn't think he even deserves it.
"A little," Minho mumbles, the words barely able to leave his lips without burning them on the way out. As if admitting it is a sin on its own.
Jisung says nothing, thankfully. He doesn't tell Minho that he knows he's jealous, that it's obvious because he almost looks sick with it. He doesn't disparage him for it, for daring to have such an ugly emotion rolling around him. It’s a side of him that he can't fight off. Instead, he stays silent. Perhaps, in a way, that's worse. It just gives Minho more time with his own thoughts, with his own desires and selfish wants.
He would do anything to have even a fraction of Seungmin's magic. He just a small portion of it would blow Minho's out of the water. He knows he's weaker than Seungmin, always has been and always will be. It's just the nature of their bodies. Fate decided far before their births how things would be and Minho has to come to accept it or live beside this ugly feeling until he dies.
"I would do anything to have that kind of magic," Minho whispers, knowing that Jisung can hear him just fine from where he sits. It's a hushed confession, one that he doesn't think he deserves to say at all and yet here he is. "Do you think he knows how lucky he is?"
"I think so," Jisung sighs. "Hyung-"
"I just don't get it," Minho murmurs, eyes finally opening again and finding Seungmin almost instantly. It should scare him how easy it is for him to pick out of the crowd, but instead, he's just happy to watch him smile, even if it's not directed at him. He watches quietly as Felix pours yet another round of shots that they definitely don't need. "He's wasting his magic."
"Hyung…" Jisung trails off, hesitating, "Maybe it's just not for you to get."
That thought, somehow, hurts worse than anything else.
He's never once considered, even for a little bit, that there was a part of Seungmin that he wasn't privy to. Maybe it's the alcohol talking, but it's just hard for him to process something so important, so personal, to Seungmin that Minho just doesn't get. And he is never going to. It stings, but he knows one day, it'll pass. Time heals all wounds or whatever.
"It's not like you can swap places with him. He's going at his pace and you're going at yours," Jisung tells him gently, "Just… Live your life hyung. There's nothing wrong with living as Lee Minho. Stop comparing yourself to someone you can't be."
"I guess so," Minho mumbles, taking a long sip of his beer as he finishes it off.
Jisung doesn't get a chance to respond as they both hear Felix call for the rest of them to join in on shots. Minho's not too sure he can handle much more but Jisung gets up, shooting Minho a sad smile as he does. He's glad one of them is enjoying tonight. He deserves it, Minho thinks. Jisung works hard. Harder than a lot of people in his program. Well, bar maybe Seungmin, but he works on another level.
He knows Jisung is right, it's better that he starts to accept it right now that he'll never be Seungmin. He'll never have that kind of power and god knows he wouldn't know what to do with it anyways. And then he would have to deal with people like himself always questioning him, asking why he doesn't do more, or why is he wasting his life on making charms. He would hate it. Magic like Seungmin is a curse as much as it is a blessing.
And it's like Jisung said, it's not like he can swap places with him. There's no magic spell that can make that happen. Minho would know, he's seen the showy headlines of people doing all sorts of spells to swap bodies and souls, they never work and never will-
His mind freezes as the realization washes over him.
Spells have never worked, not once in the history of pre-modern magic, dating back centuries. Minho has read the transcripts of all scrolls and grimoires that have long been put away from public eyes due to their graphic nature and depiction of soul-swapping gone awry. He's seen all them and not one of them ever mentioned a potion before. He has all them, somewhere in his study, and he wonders if he could translate them into a potion.
Would that even work? He's done it before, there is a whole class that he was required to take that was only for creating potions out of what would be an incantation. It was literally created for this kind of thing, creating a potion in place of something that a spell cannot do.
His mind starts racing, unable to stop now that it's started. He wants to go home, right now, and start his research. There is zero to no chance that he'll get funding for this but he really doesn't care about that. He can present his findings later, when it works, if it works, but first he needs to figure out if it's doable. If it is, he knows he can do it, he just has to figure out the how.
"Hyung? Are you leaving?" A soft voice startles him out of his racing thoughts. It's then that he realizes that he's not only gotten off the couch, but gathered his coat as well. He doesn't even know when he did that, but it's obvious by the look on Seungmin's face that he had done it a lot faster than he thought.
"Um," Minho stutters, suddenly unsure. He really shouldn't be walking home right now, but he wants to start researching, even if he is slightly drunk and tired. He needs to get a head start while this is fresh in his mind. "Yeah, I completely forgot to send an update to my advisor. Need to do it before he wakes up," Minho lies easily, even though it tastes like pure acid when he sees the soft smile that was playing Seungmin's pretty lips falter before returning. This one doesn't reach his eyes.
"Oh, yeah, I get it," Seungmin nods, even though his voice shakes, just a little. Just enough for Minho to hear and regret his words instantly. Before he can backtrack and tell Seungmin that his professor can go to hell, he'll stay another rough or that is was one big fat lie and he has a crazy idea that might get him in trouble with both the school and national magical board and get him barred from all schools and certified magical jobs, Seungmin takes his jacket from his arms and nods to the door. "I'll walk you out."
Minho follows dumbly, unsure why Seungmin took his jacket. Not to be out-gentlemened, if Seungmin is being one by randomly taking Minho's jacket for him, he opens the door for Seungmin who walks through with that gentle smile that melts Minho's heart every time he sees it. He looks more like a puppy tonight than he’s seen him in a while, the stress melting off him the more shots they take.
Before he can even ask about Seungmin's odd behavior, he sees him lift the jacket close to him, mumbling something before Minho watches a red sheen shimmer down it, all the way to the bottom. It always takes his breath away to see Seungmin do magic so effortlessly and naturally, like it's as easy as breathing for him.
"It's cold out," Seungmin mumbles as he hands back the jacket to him. "It's the best I can do right now, sorry. It'll probably only last a few hours," He continues, as if that's a bad thing. Minho's place is only a 30 minute walk at most, 37 if he stops and pets one of the cats that frequent the corner store a few blocks from his place. He's not going to freeze on the way back but he'll take a warming enchantment on his coat any day. Especially one from Seungmin.
"Thank you," Minho smiles at the gesture. It's sweet and so Seungmin-like.
Looking at him up close, he can see the way his cheek flush under the dim lights of the hallway. Seungmin knows just about every glamour spell known to man, Minho still remembers him complaining about the class that required him to learn them. Minho's seen him look a thousand different ways, all in the pursuit of a good grade, and yet right now, under the yellow fluorescent lights, he looks the most beautiful.
"Hey um," Seungmin starts, words only slightly mushed together. Minho wonders how much he had to drink and if he needs to bring over some hangover soup tomorrow morning."I was just wondering… I know it's a year off and I have to actually pass but… If I do pass my exam, we're only allowed two people at the graduation ceremony. And I… I was hoping you would come," Seungmin says in a rush, "You know if I pass."
Minho stares at him for a beat, and then another just to make sure he's understanding correctly.
The licensing exams for witches are rarely a public affair, usually done in small groups just for the integrity of the exams and to keep the exam contents close. Minho knew the exams were kept extremely small, but he didn't realize the graduation ceremony was just as small.
It's that small, and Seungmin wants to waste a ticket on him of all people.
Something fills his heart, and he isn't sure what it is. It's warm and almost overbearing but he relishes in it. There is almost an addictive quality to it, one that only Seungmin seems to be able to ignite in his body, and he longs for the next time he gets to feel it.
"I know it's a year out but they told us to think about the two people we want to be there at the ceremony and-" Seungmin cuts himself off, huffing a short laugh, "This is super embarrassing, nevermind-"
"I'll be there," Minho interrupts before Seungmin can take back his invite.
"Great," Seungmin smiles stupidly, cheeks somehow more flushed than before. "I should get back inside. Felix wanted to do more shots. Text me when you get home."
Minho wants to tell Seungmin he probably doesn't need anymore to drink, but refrains. He deserves to let loose every now and then without someone telling him to slow down. "Make sure to drink some water," Minho tells him instead, getting a small nod in return. "I'll see you later," Minho tries to smile but he's sure it's coming out more as a grimace than anything else. Seungmin doesn't seem to mind.
Minho slips on the jacket, warmth radiating off it already. It feels like it's straight from the dryer, wrapping around him like a hug. If was delusional, he could pretend it was like one from Seungmin.
Okay, yeah, he's a lot more drunk than he thought.
The cold air will sober him up, he's sure. He's still a little tempted to grab some soju on the way home, just to keep the party going, even if he's alone.
He debates on using the elevator or the stairs and sadly, he thinks he's too much of a fall risk to venture down the staircase and so he opts for the elevator. Hopefully, he's more sober by the time he gets home, considering his old building hasn't had an operating elevator since it opened. At least going up is a lot easier than going down. That’s a fight with gravity that he knows he won’t win. He doesn't really understand his own logic, he's drunk and not a physics major, if that even is physics.
When he gets on the elevator, he spares one glance up to see if Seungmin's gone inside yet. He's sure he has, he doesn't know why he's torturing himself with the heartbreak of not seeing him there. He's emotional when he's drunk and he's just adding fuel to the fire.
Instead of an empty hallway though, he sees Seungmin leaning against the door, obviously watching Minho the entire time since he walked away.
Seungmin raises a hand, just a small drunken wave that somehow has no coordination. A small smile dances on his lips, the one that makes him look like a puppy and Minho watches it until the door closes, leaving him alone with only his reflection staring back at him.
By the time he leaves the corner store, only two bottles of yogurt flavored soju tucked between numerous bags of chips and two packs of ramen, he's sobered up considerably. There is a warmth that follows him home that doesn't come from the alcohol or the jacket, but from that stupid wave Seungmin gave him. The one that told him that Seungmin had waited there, maybe just in the hopes that Minho would turn around so he could say goodbye one more time.
It spurs him on even more, he doesn't know why. Maybe it's because he wants to do something important, for once in his life. He wants to feel like he is worth that stupid fluttering feeling in his heart when Seungmin waves at him, when he waits for him at the door.
He wants to be something, he wants to be someone, even if he doesn't know who that is. He doesn't know what he wants, but all he knows is that he's not going to get anything or anywhere like he is now. He won't keep living like this. He can't, he'll go insane like this.
His home is silent when he returns and goes to his workshop to start. Even though his eyes burn from fatigue, he doesn't care.
He wants to start tonight. He wants to throw out all his old work and start fresh. He wants to prove that he can do this. He wants everyone to see that he can do something worth remembering. He wants Seungmin to see he's worth smiling at. He wants create a spell that no one has ever seen before, one that people will remember. He wants. He wants and wants.
He wants-
.
"Seungmin-"
"Be honest with me," Seungmin interrupts him through pained sobs, "Was this what you wanted?"
"No," Minho denies, tears rushing to his eyes. He feels hot all over again. "I would never Seungmin, I would never plan this. Is that what you think of me?"
Seungmin seems to struggle with that question for a beat before shaking his head again. "No," Seungmin whispers as he wipes more of his tears that flow freely now. "I don't know what I'm saying."
"Seungmin," Minho breathes out, "I never planned this. I never wanted this." He repeats as he approaches slowly. He's afraid, just for a moment, that Seungmin will reject him. He would be well within his right to do so. After everything he's put him through, he wouldn't blame him.
Instead, he reaches out a shaking hand that Minho takes like his own life depends on it.
He's trembling, he thinks they both might be, but Seungmin is practically shaking with the emotions that run through him. He feels it as Seungmin's hand cups his face again. For a moment, he thinks he sees what Seungmin is talking about. Even when he's looking at himself, all he can see is Seungmin. He wonders when they started bleeding together and when he stopped noticing.
"I want to believe you," Seungmin whispers softly as his hand drops and he lets go of Minho's hand. He already misses the warmth and comfort. He thinks Seungmin is going to continue, maybe tell Minho to go to hell or that he's ruined his life, but he's interrupted by the doorbell.
Seungmin steps away, leaving Minho standing there in the window while he gathers his things. There is nothing for him to say, nothing for him to do to fix this. He knows he's going to throw himself back into research, anything to figure out how to fix this. He's losing his mind and sleeps over this but he can't stop now.
"Be safe," Minho tells him softly as he walks him to the door.
There is so much more he wants to say, so much more on the tip of tongue but the words die in his throat. He wants to ask Seungmin to stay, to do this with him but he can't. He's been nothing but selfish this entire time and he refuses to continue to be that way.
"You too," Seungmin whispers softly, eyes lingering for just a beat as if he has more to say himself. Instead, he just grabs his bag and opens the door.
The wards know Chan well, he's visited enough that they welcome him with open arms. Even now, they seem to warm in greeting as the vampire steps into the house, albeit a bit awkwardly. Minho wonders how much Seungmin said for him to rush over so quickly. They don't live that far apart but he looks like he barely was able to get dressed properly before coming here.
"Hey Minho," Chan greets, smiling sadly at him. He doesn't need to say anything for Minho to know exactly what Seungmin said to him. Part of him, a very deep part of him, wants to ask him exactly what Seungmin said and if he agrees with the witch and if he thinks he's ruined everything and everyone he's ever touched. If he's just about as rotten to the core as he believes himself to be. He wonders if Chan knows how much he's messed up and that he can't stop messing up and no matter what, he can't change anything now. It's all crashed down around him and he's still standing in the crater, waiting for the dust to clear so he can see the carnage he's caused.
"Hey," Minho chokes out.
Chan seems to know that he won't get much out of him tonight, even if he wanted to talk. Even so, he still tries.
"You okay?" Chan asks, softly. He realizes that Seungmin's already bolted from the apartment, probably already half-way to Chan's car. "I know it's none of my business-"
"Please leave," Minho breathes out. He needs to be alone right now, he needs Chan to not see what he knows is coming. It's been building since the bathroom, since Seungmin said he was leaving, and if he's been honest, probably since he woke up in a body that wasn't his. Chan doesn't move, much to Minho's general distress. "Hyung-"
"I'm going," Chan interrupts him, "But call if you need anything tonight."
He thinks he nods. He must since Chan leaves, reminding him to call but he must know Minho has no intention to.
The walk to his workshop barely registers in his brain. His legs work on their own as Seungmin's words are swimming in his brain. He should call Jisung, he knows that, but he doesn't think his fingers can work the buttons right now to even do so.
He doesn't want him right now anyways. He needs time alone, his needs to wallow in this and let himself feel the ache. If he can't do anything else right, he can always suffer. It's the least he can do.
His legs take him to the workshop again, as if on autopilot. They know before he does where he needs to go. He just has to figure out where he went wrong and start working backwards.
Silence fills the workshop, the moonlight shines in slivers on the bookshelves and his used potion bottles that are a graveyard of failures. They laugh at him, mockingly, when he pushes some of them aside to clear space on his work station. He hadn't told Seungmin, still too convinced in his own naive confidence that this would be the time, but he had picked up more books and articles to help with the swap.
Maybe he knew that it wouldn't work again. That he would see himself here again, exhausted and worn thin, looking for an answer that he doesn't know how to find. Stuck in an endless loop that he doesn't see an end to.
The words swim in front of his eyes as he stares at the article he pulled weeks ago and he tries to read it with an open mind, tries to tell himself that it makes sense when he doesn't even know where to start. He's so far out of his element that he doesn't even know how to come back to what he understands. He's stuck and drowning in this.
He wants to go home. He wants to end this nightmare. More than anything else in the world, he wants things to be back to how they were.
Isn't that how he got here? Selfishly wanting more and more, always taking when he had no right to? Hasn't he done enough and yet he still longs for more.
He still begs for more, even if he doesn't deserve it.
.
The coffee Seungmin brewed him hours ago has long since gone cold. He considers warming it up but he thinks it would just be a waste of time. He doesn't have much energy either, he's not even sure the last time that he actually had a full meal. He knows he needs to eat, if only to make sure he's taking care of Seungmin's body, but he can't stand stomach food right now. Even the thought of it is revolting to him.
In his heart, he knows Seungmin was right. This is taking a toll on them, both of them, in different, sick ways. He can't hold down food and Seungmin can't stay awake for more than hour before flagging and needing to lay down rest, not used to having no magic to help with any linger drowsiness that may creep up on him during the day.
Their constant attempts aren't helping either, he reminds himself needlessly.
His eyes sting as he stares at the books in front of him, all the words are starting to swim together. So much information, so much time dumped in trying to understand something that he didn't even get in the first place. It's his fault, he's bitten off more than he could chew and he wishes he could go back and change that but that ship has long since sailed without him.
He tries to blink away the tiredness, knowing good and well it won't work. It never does and Seungmin's body is too spent anyway. He needs to rest it, just for a few hours but he knows he won't be able to sleep even if he does go to bed.
Instead, he sips his coffee and tries to will this body to work with him, just a little longer. Just for the night.
A loud meow startles him as he turns the page of his grimorie, making him look up at the source. On the bookshelf with Minho's many potion books that he's collected over the years sits Dori. He's perched on one the more empty ones, a spot that had to be made specifically for him.
He'll never forget the way that Dori had pitifully meowed at the little space that was on the shelf. It was once an empty spot that Minho had filled after a very successful trip to the night market with Seungmin three days prior. It had been the only place to put the book and he knew the cat would throw a fit but he still put them there, laughing to himself when Dori had watched him and immediately glared at him. Seungmin had been the one to clear the space, months ago when they were having a study session. Despite everything, the memory makes him smile slightly as he remembers Seungmin's pleased expression when he found better spots for the books and how happy he was to take pictures of Dori settled in the little perch.
His eyes drift over to the small plushie that is sitting on the shelf above the cat without his permission. He stares at the pink little demon, a pochacco plush dressed up as pink bunny sits prettily on the shelf, recently washed per Seungmin's request. It had been collecting some dust and Minho thinks it might need a new spot soon.
Seungmin had won it for him when they went to a claw machine arcade last year. Minho had tried with all his might to get the stupid thing, finally winning on his 15th attempt. Minho had tried to convince him it would be cheaper to just buy one online or go to a store and look for one but once Seungmin puts his mind to something, it's impossible to sway him one way or another. Usually, Minho finds that stubbornness endearing.
It had taken him 10 minutes to win the stupid plushie but Minho had been given the prize when they left. Even though Minho hadn't won anything that day, he went home with a silly little puppy and a full heart.
So much of this workshop he realizes is Seungmin. Something he gave him, something he did with him. So much of himself and this room is consumed by Seungmin, he's touched every part of him and then some and Minho doesn't know when it happened or when he let it. Does Seungmin know that so much of Minho has been changed by him, his life has morphed around his presence?
He thinks he gets it now, more than ever, what Seungmin meant. Where does Minho begin and Seungmin begin?
Dori meows again, a bit pitifully, when Minho goes back to the book in front of him, staring at the pages. They have tried everything that he thought might work and he's running out of ideas. He knows that they are both at their wits end, he doesn't know when the last time he slept a full night was and he's starting to feel it. His mind grow sluggish at the slightest bit of thinking and his body is heavy when he walks, too weighed down by the growing worries he can't rid himself of.
He just needs to focus. He has to think this through logically. He needs to do more research, more theory searches, more practice potions, more time, he needs more time, he needs to fix this, he needs-
The book flies out of his hands before he realizes he's throwing it.
It feels good, he thinks, to get it out of his sight. The thing that's caused all of this. The book that is supposed to hold all the answers, be the end all be all to his problems, it feel so good to see it crash into the wall and crumple to the floor, pages bent this way and that. He's had it his entire college life and he would love nothing more than to see it burn. It means nothing to him right now, it's useless. All of his research is useless if he can't even reverse what's been done to them. What he's done to the both of them.
Even with hate for the book filling his heart, something in him surges.
Greif, maybe, he thinks. Grief for himself and his failures, maybe. For the book that lays on the floor, probably. It fills him up, inside and then out, to the point that he can feel the urgent pressure on his eyes and he knows he's not far from tears.
And for the first time, he allows himself this. To grieve, to mourn himself and who he was and who he is becoming. Maybe, too, who he became to think even for a moment he could do something like this.
.
It's well past midnight before he can drag himself off the floor and to his bed. He doesn't bother to check the time, solely focused on just sleeping. He needs it, he thinks. Even if it's not a restful sleep, he need just a little to keep going. He can't keep relying on coffee alone, he's going to crash eventually. Seungmin's magic can only keep him standing for so long before it catches up with him.
The cats seem to be a bit irritated tonight if the way that they keep flicking their tails every time Minho has the nerve to walk too close to them. He wonders if they have become used to the routine that has been established over the last two months since Seungmin had permanently moved in here. They don't like change, never have and probably never will, but this seems to be worse than just a small adjustment.
Even with their obvious annoyance at the situation at hand, the trio still find a way to shadow Minho as he goes about his nightly routine. They are loyal to a fault and Minho can't help but feel endeared by the way they watch him like a hawk while he goes through the motions to get ready for bed.
He feels them more than sees them curl up next to him once he does finally settle in bed that is a lot colder than he remembers.
They seem to have forgiven him for whatever grievance he's done against them and he's grateful for the second chance since he doesn't think he can bear to be alone tonight. Even if they are upset with him, he knows they love him. They are his familiars after all, they would know better than anyone else in the world how Minho is feeling.
It's Dori that seems to be most forgiving tonight if the way that he curls up on his pillow is any indication.
Normally, Minho would move him, liking his pillow to himself but he can't find himself to care tonight. They are being sweet tonight, extremely so, and he will relish in it for now. Maybe he knows that Minho needs them right now, that's why they are so close to him. He feels both Soonie and Doongie curl up somewhere around his legs, making themselves at home like they belong there and he feels surrounded by warmth and yet the loneliness persists.
"What am I going to do?" He whispers into the silent bedroom, reaching a tentitve hand to pet Dori as he lays peacefully. It must be a testament to how awful Minho must be feeling through their bond that he doesn't even try to pretend to hate it, or start playing with his hand like a personal chew toy.
Instead, he just lets him pet his soft fur, offering no answer as Minho pets him. His eyes grow heavy eventually and he's grateful, for once that the pure exshaution in his bones, can carry him to sleep for once.
.
He has no idea what time it is when he feels sometimes ripple through the apartment, startling him awake in a cold sweat.
It almost makes him bolt straight up when he feels it, the wards on the apartment shaking like they are waking themselves and he feels for them, sending magic to them, hastily and messy. When they reach back to him, he realizes someone has come inside but it's someone that the wards know since they seem to be pleased by the entrance rather than angry at the intruder.
His mind pauses though, confused at how he's able to feel the wards at all. They were made for Minho and Minho alone. Otherwise, it would be pointless to even have them. He had Seungmin set them up-
Oh. Yeah. That's probably why then.
Seungmin had been the one to meticulously set them up, went through the whole process of enchanting Minho's studio apartment even when the older witch had insisted he just needed the door done. No one was going to crawl through his 6th floor window. Not like he had anything that was worth stealing that would warrant scaling his apartment building. Seungmin had been adamant though, wanting the whole house to be connected and for Minho to be the center.
Minho might have been the center but Seungmin had created it all. Of course they would recognize their creator. Even if they are all messed up and their magic and souls don't work, the ward would recognize Seungmin in a heartbeat.
When his bedroom door opens, he can barely see Seungmin, the shadow from the moon spilling into the hallway hiding him from Minho's view. Even if he can't see him, he can feel him just like the wards had.
Like this, he can pretend, just for a little, that Seungmin is in the correct body and Minho is in his own.
Seungmin doesn't linger in the doorway long, slipping in like he owns a place and he might as well. This has always been a second home to him anyways, he's always welcome here and probably knows his way around better than Minho at this point.
"Hyung," He whispers, making his way to the bed slowly. Minho feels himself sitting up before registering it, reaching for Seungmin. It's almost automatic, the way that Minho cups Seungmin's face. Even in the dark, he knows exactly where he is, knows Seungmin like the back of his hand. "Hyung, I'm sorry-" He rushes to say, voice shot. Minho knows he's been crying, Minho only sounds like that after a good long cry.
He only hopes that Seungmin wasn't alone when he cried his eyes out. That Chan had been there when he couldn't be.
"It's okay Seungmin-"
"It's not," Seungmin whispers, shame lingering in his voice, "I never should have accused you of that. I know you're trying to fix this. I know you don't want to be stuck in my body. I know that. I just…" Seungmin trails, a soft sigh escaping his lips. "I'm tired of the trial and error. I can't do it anymore. I'm exhausted, but I shouldn't have taken it out on you."
No, Minho thinks, you should have been worse.
But even that feels wrong. Because Seungmin isn't evil or unkind and he never wants to hurt people. Never once has he screamed at Minho like he did only hours ago and Minho can tell it's eating him up when by all rights, he was very entitled to be harsher. Even so, Minho knows that's just not Seungmin nature. He is many things, but cruel is not one of them.
"Seungmin-ah," Minho starts, his hand slowly tracing down Seungmin's form, down his neck and his shoulder and all the way to his hand where he laces them together. He feels the younger witch squeeze it, just slightly, and a tingle rush through him like a zap of magic. It makes him feel electric and is only slightly addicting. "You don't need to apologize. Not to me and not for what happened."
"Yes, I do-"
"You don't," Minho repeats. He wishes he could see Seungmin right now, but what difference would it make? "I'm sorry Seungmin, this is all my fault."
"Hyung," Seungmin whispers, voice lower than Minho's ever been to get with it. "Let's stop apologizing. There's nothing to forgive. I… I know you would never do this on purpose. You would never hurt me."
Never, Minho wants to say, but the words get stuck in his throat, only because Seungmin doesn't get it. He would never hurt him, it makes him sick to just think about it. He would rather die than harm Seungmin, it would tear him up. It has been tearing him. He would never do something like this intentionally.
"And… I don't want to hurt you hyung. I shouldn't have said what I did like that," Seungmin continues, "But… Hyung, this is killing you and your body, and I can't just let you continue. I can’t just watch it happen."
"What?" Minho frowns, lost.
He feels Seungmin's hand trail down his neck, a ghost of the touch from only hours ago, before it settles lightly on his wrist. "This is killing you. You can't feel it, but your magic is going crazy. It's worn out and tired and I don't think you realize just how much of you is held up by your magic."
Minho pauses, brain suddenly screeching to a halt. His magic? The same one that he has cursed since the day he found out how little he has? The magic that has all but ruined his life? That magic? It’s nothing to him, it hasn’t done a single thing for him and somehow that’s what’s been keeping him going. It has to be some sick joke but he knows Seungmin would never lie about that.
"I'm sorry Seungmin, I know this is hurting you," Minho apologizes, wishing he could take Seungmin's pain away, just for once. Silence settles between them, heavy and miserable but Minho sits with it even if it’s the worst thing he can do right now.
“It’s… We just need to accept it,” Seungmin mumbles miserably, making the pain in Minho’s heart worse than before. He doesn’t know how he can just accept something like this, something that he thinks might kill him if he has to accept. He doesn’t care about his body or what has happened to him, he cares about Seungmin. That he’s done this to him and there is nothing that he can do. He racks his brain, trying to think of something that he can do to change Seungmin’s mind but he comes up empty-handed and heavy-hearted.
Silence settles between them, still stilted and it carries sorrow that Minho feels like he can taste it, heavy on the back of his tongue and poisonous in his stomach.
"Seungmin-ah," Minho starts again. "I'm sorry. I know you said enough apologies, but... I am sorry. I never meant for this happen. I would never hurt you. I..." Minho trails off and wonders just how much he is willing to admit?
He would have never done this if he knew that Seungmin would suffer like this. He would have thrown out the notes and started from square 1. He might have just dropped out all together. It kills him to know that he's the reason Seungmin has cried this much. He loves Seungmin far too much to pretend otherwise.
"I care so much about you, it kills me that I did this," Minho settles on. He doesn't want to lose Seungmin, not with some half-brained confession. He waits for Seungmin to say anything, maybe even yell at him. He would deserve it, he thinks.
"Hyung," Seungmin breaks the heavy silence after a moment, almost unsure. "Can I… Can I do something? You can say no. I just… I couldn't stop thinking about it when I was at Chan hyungs. I wanted to wait until we fixed this but… I don’t want to anymore. There’s no point." He sounds borderline desperate.
"Go for it," He says, instead of asking what it is. He would let Seungmin do anything he wants, if only because how the love that lives inside his heart for him. Minho has been so selfish and greedy, he thinks he would give Seungmin the world if he wanted it right now. Instead, the only thing the other witch seems interested in is Minho's lips.
He's startled, only for a moment, when he feels the gentle press of lips on his, close mouthed at first, before he catches on to what is happened, brain moving at half speed. One moment, it's slow and sweet before Seungmin's hands finds it's way to Minho's hair and all bets are off. They both kiss like they are starving for it and Minho can't get enough. It might be pathetic that he's already addicted but he couldn't care less right now.
They naturally melt into each other, like they were always supposed to do this, their bodies bending to the other. The sweet press of Seungmin's body again makes every nerve light up. Well, he guesses it's his body but he doesn't really care right now. Seungmin's body is unbelievably sensitive it seems and he can't tell if that's because of the magic or just how the other witch just is by nature. Either way, it feels like he's on fire as Seungmin grinds his hips down against him. He doesn't know how many times he's dreamed of this moment, his hands on Seungmin's waist, their bodies melting into each other like they were meant to be even if everything still feels weird. It's just barely on the side of right, it feels good to have Seungmin's hands on him, trailing down a body that he seems to know so well.
Despite how many times Minho has felt his own body, in times of pleasure and leisure, he doesn't know how to touch it right now. He knows his own sensitive spots, like the one on his neck or his ears, but he can't bring himself to touch them. Not yet at least. Right now, all he can think about is the way that Seungmin's mouth tastes.
A breathy and high moan breaks the trance Minho's fallen into, already lost in the pleasure of Seungmin grinding on him slowly and he just wants more.
That's how he got here though, right? By wanting more, taking more, and never giving back what he's been granted. He's always been selfish, greedy to a fault but right now, he can't even start to hate himself for it.
"Hyung…" Seungmin moans out against his lip, his low voice already a mess. He wants to see him, desperately, just to see his expression, just to watch him come undone on top of him. He wants to see him whining, begging for Minho to give him more. He hates to part from Seungmin even for a moment now that he's in his arms, but he has to so he can reach over for the bedside lamp. "Wait," Seungmin says quickly, reaching out to stop Minho.
"Do you want to stop?" Minho asks quickly. He knows they are moving fast, extremely so, and he doesn't want to make Seungmin uncomfortable at all. He wants this to be at his pace.
"No, just-" Seungmin breathes out, hands still tracing his body, "Just… Like this. I want it like this," he admits. "We… Feels like I'm back in my body like this, you know?"
Yes, Minho knows very well what he means. He had almost forgotten about that little detail, too caught up in just wanting to feel Seungmin and make him feel as loved as possible. Like this, they can pretend, just for a little bit, that everything is normal.
"Yeah," Minho agrees quickly. "No lights." There is a little light peeking through the window, the streetlights spilling in just slightly, giving him just enough light to make out the silhouette of the body on top of him. He barely has the words out before he feels Seungmin shift back, just enough for him to start shedding the hoodie he had slipped on just before he left.
Minho reaches out to help, ridding him of the sweatshirt, hands roaming anywhere they can reach before Seungmin's lips find him again, kissing him firmly as his hands push up his shirt. Minho barely flinches at how cold they are, too focused on how Seungmin moves against him.
Part of him wants to wait. He wants to be in his body, experience all of Seungmin like he's always dreamed.
A larger and louder part of him says fuck it.
He hates to admit but Seungmin had been right. What if they don't change back? What if they stuck like this, forever? If so, Minho wants this small indulgence. He wants to feel Seungmin, even if it's all different. He's still here, his soul and magic pulse through the room, he can feel it-
He can feel it.
He can feel the pull, somewhere he can't place and it's reaching as hard as it can back to Minho, as if trying to get to him, even if it knows it can't. It feels like it's just on the cusp of being out of reach, just barely brushing the hand that Minho is extending to it.
"Seungmin," Minho breathes out, pushing him away slightly, his hands still on his chest.
"Too much? We can stop-"
"No, that's not-" He stops himself, trying to figure out what that was.
He has been living in Seungmin's body long enough now to have an idea of what 'normal' feels like and that was very much well out of the range of normal.
"You didn't feel that?" Minho asks. He doesn't know what it was or how it happened, but he swears, that just for a moment, their magic was not only reaching out for each other, but so was their souls.
He knows what it feels like to feel his own magic, he's well-versed in that. Seungmin had been right about it. Though it's weak, it's there, just on the edge. No, not the edge. It's somewhere deeper in him, a cavern inside that he's never found before. It's untapped, only because he never knew how to use it.
"Feel what?" Seungmin asks, slightly breathless.
Instead of answering, Minho kisses him again, just as hungry as before. Maybe even more, he needs to be right about this. He has to be. He doesn't know what he'll do if he's wrong.
Before he can even entertain that idea, he feels it again. The way that their magic tries to meet in the middle. He feels hot all over and he knows it's not just from the rush of pleasure that he gets from having Seungmin on top of him. It's deeper, somehow more dangerously intimate than anything he's ever felt in his life.
And then, he feels it again.
A pull, somewhere deep in his chest and beyond. It's still his magic at its core but this feels stronger. Like his magic is trying to tell him something. All at once, the words that the elder witch told him and his parents crash back over him. That his magic was in his soul, buried deep and asleep, never to wake up. And yet, here he is, feeling the magic stir inside of his body even when he's not in it.
His magic isn't just reaching back to him, he realizes, it's his soul.
And just for a moment, brief and quick, he feels his own center of gravity and the weight of his own bones. The way that his body, though tired and worn thin, is far more dulled to the magic simmering around him. He's not laying down any more, legs spread over Seungmin and he's back to himself-
"That," Minho gasps against Seungmin's lips, opening his eyes and staring back up at his own body.
His mind is running a mile a minute, trying to wade through it all. He doesn't even know what to think about this revelation, unsure how to even articulate it. He's never heard of this before and he doesn't even think there is research on it. Is there? He thinks he would have seen it before, he has almost every record of soul swapping in his workshop. This has to be unheard of, he's never heard of soul reaching for other unless they were-
The realization crashes into him like a wave, and he is once again powerless to its force.
He had read about it, once. It had been nothing more than a tragic lovestory, at least that was how he read it. Two witches, madly in love, likely soulmates, and desperate to be bound forever, had tried to bind themselves by their souls. Neither of them had been experienced in the rituals of that kind and had went to another witch to help with it. Minho can admit, he skimmed it, but he knows it ended horribly but he knows they had tried to fuse their souls, ending in a gruesome death that killed them both. Their bodies couldn't handle it.
While it may have been a cautionary tale, Minho thinks now that it might have some truth to it. Their bodies couldn't handle it because they didn't have an anchor. The witch had tried to be one but given that she probably didn't know what she was doing, it just hadn't worked. Minho had assumed that the potion had been their anchor, it held them down well enough and kept them grounded but…
What if it had been him?
What if it was his soul's magic that had been their anchor? What if the potion was just a placebo? The spells that he based the potion off of had nothing to hold them together, that's why he assumed they worked at first and failed miserably later. But now that he thinks about it, what if they had worked as a spell and as potion not because of the ingredients or the way they drank it, but because it was never meant to swap a soul. But rather, to call out to them.
All of the spells that he looked at, he realizes now, had never been used for anything but bringing the soul closer to the surface. He racks his brain to think of the spell that he used for his potion and he feels so dumb for not realizing it earlier. It wasn't designed to make the swap, but rather to call out to their other person's soul. It makes more sense to him why an outside witch would have to perform it and need the soul closer to the surface. Otherwise, how would they grab it and attempt the swap?
Do they even need the potion? Minho can practically feel Seungmin's soul, just on the tips of fingers, he just needs to push, just a little more, and he thinks, and prays, it'll work.
The answer has been staring him in the face this whole time, he just didn't know where to look.
"Seungmin," Minho grips his hand tightly, "You said one more time, right?"
"Yes," Seungmin agrees, "Hyung, what is this about, I thought we agreed to a break-"
"Do you trust me?" Minho interrupts and for a beat, Seungmin doesn't answer. Minho wouldn't blame him if he didn't, especially now, but he has to take his chances. He knows this time, they won't fail. He just needs Seungmin to believe it too.
"Of course I do," Seungmin sighs out softly, "I trust you with my life."
Minho ignores the way his heart flips hearing that. Instead he opts to drag Seungmin back down for a slow and languid kiss. There is no rushed frenzy like last time. This time, Minho focuses on that sensation, that pull that he feels so vividly, and he tries to reach for it again, coming up empty for the third time. Seungmin is the one to break the kiss this time, his breath fanning Minho's lips with a quiet desperation.
"Is this included in the one more time?" He laughs softly, "I wouldn't mind a few more tries in that case."
Despite everything, it gets a laugh out of Minho. He had missed Seungmin's stupid jokes, his sweet laugh. He just missed Seungmin, despite how close he's been to him. "This is the one more time," he confirms.
"What?" Seungmin asks and even in the dark, he can see him frowning.
"I… I think we've been poisoning ourselves needlessly," Minho sighs. "I don't think the potion did anything. I think… I think it's been us Minnie."
"I don't understand," Seungmin starts, "How? We… Hyung, neither of us can even do conjuring spells, let alone a soul swapping spell-"
Minho surges forward again, kissing Seungmin soundly on the lips and muffling the moan that Seungmin lets out as he deepens it, tasting every part of his mouth that he can. He pushes his magic a little more than last time, trying his best to make it work but it's just not enough. It does, however, get a startled gasp out of Seungmin when Minho feels that same feeling from before, the shift in position from sitting up to laying down and visversa.
"What was that?" Seungmin stutters out, clearly affected by more than just the sudden surge of magic. "Hyung, what that-it felt like my magic but more."
"Seungminnie." Minho tries to collect his own thoughts and get his own bearings back before continuing. "I think we can do it. Like this. If we focus, I think I can do it. You have enough magic, it will work. It'll be like swapping magic. I think we did it the first time and didn't even realize it."
"How is that possible? How would we notice?" Seungmin questions and Minho can't blame him. He isn't sure either. Seungmin's a talented and powerful witch, but he thinks that it had to be Seungmin who did it. He's stronger than Minho will ever be, he doesn't see any other possibility.
"We were in a lot of pain. It would have been easy to overlook."
Seungmin is silent for a beat and then one more before he speaks. "You think we can swap souls like witch's swap magic?"
"It's worth a shot, right?" Minho doesn't think he has anything else to lose. Neither of them do. He knows they need to sleep on this, think it over some. Both of them are exshauted to the core, they are making some questionable choices but he can't bring himself to care.
Seungmin sighs softly, hand wandering over Minho's chest briefly. "Most witches who can swap magic have strong emotional connections. I… I don't know if we can do it. I mean… I can do it and I don't want to assume anything but-"
"Seungminnie," Minho interrupts him, "If you are even implying that I don't feel the same way about you that you feel for me, I'm making you Dori's breakfast."
"Hyung-"
"Seungmin." Minho doesn't let him go on. He's not stupid, not at all. He's not going to pretend that he never saw the looks that Seungmin gave him, the sweet way that he would act around him, all the teasing he would do just to get a rise out of Minho, how he would dress up, just a little, if he knew Minho was coming over (and then eventually when he felt comfortable around Minho and let him see all the natural sides that Seungmin had to offer, no dressing up needed), all of the coffee dates that weren't technically dates but they were still called that in Seungmin's calendar, the times they played catch, he noticed everything. He doesn't think he could miss it if he wanted. He never wants to miss a thing about Seungmin and he thinks he's doing a very good at catching on to the fact he's not only in love with Seungmin, but he's pretty sure Seungmin is in love with him too. "Seungmin, I love you."
"Oh," Seungmin whispers.
"I love you. I have since you barged your way into my life," Minho confesses. "And I've wanted to be your boyfriend since you gave me that silly plushie."
"Hyung," Seungmin utters, in disbelief.
"I was going to tell you after you finished your program and test. I didn't want to distract you," Minho sighs, "In hindsight, probably shouldn't have asked you to do this if I didn't want to distract you."
Seungmin says nothing for a while, obviously allowing the words to wash over him. Minho stays silent, letting him take as long as he needs. "I love you too. Obviously," Seungmin admits around a soft laugh. "Oh my god… I was so worried to tell you."
"Worried?" Minho can't help the small laugh that escapes his lips. "Seungmin-ah… I don't think I have hidden it very well how much I love you."
"No," Seungmin giggles, almost a little delirious. Minho can actually hear it now when people say his giggle sound a little deranged. Seungmin makes it sound cute though. "I just didn't know what to say. Or how to say it. I guess this is a blessing in disguise, huh?"
"I wouldn't call this a blessing," Minho scoffs. He melts into the kiss that Seungmin pulls him into, happy to let him do whatever he likes. He feels him squirming on top of him and he tries his best to move with him but he's surprised by how quickly Seungmin has adapted to using Minho's muscles to keep him down.
When they break apart, Seungmin is almost panting, but doing well to keep it at bay. "How do we do this?"
Minho has to get his brain back online to respond. "We need to have a deep connection with our magic and our souls so they can connect. I guess we can-"
"We can have sex," Seungmin suggests, startling a laugh out of Minho again. "What?! I'm serious! That's a real way some witch's do it!"
"I know! But I don't want our first time to be because we're trying to swap bodies."
Seungmin sighs, and he feels him lean across the bed before the light floods into the room. He blinks, trying to adjust to the sudden brightness as he stares at Seungmin above him. "I hate when you're right," Seungmin huffs before taking Minho's face in his hands and staring at Minho. "I'm focusing, why isn't it working?"
The thing is, Minho could tell that Seungmin was. His magic is reaching out, the only issue is that it isn't strong enough. It needs a little help, it needs just a little push. He feels the connection snap, nothing happening and he tries instead, figuring it won't hurt.
It happens so quickly that Minho almost gets whiplash.
One moment, he is staring at himself and his own body, still shirtless and bare, and the next, he is looking down at Seungmin. It is not the time nor the place, but he can't help but gasp at the way that Seungmin looks like this, shirt rucked up and face red. He's a sight to see and one that is fleeting since before he can commit it to memory, he is thrust back into Seungmin's body.
"Holy shit," Seungmin breaths out. "Oh my god, it worked. Was that you?"
Minho blinks, still getting his bearings. It's a little disorienting but he'll cope. He has other fish to fry right now. "Yeah, I think… I think we both have to do it. I can feel your soul trying to grab on to mine, I think we both have to try."
Seungmin hesitates, just a bit, before nodding. "I think I know what you mean. I… I can feel it. I just don't know how this is possible."
Minho has a theory, one that he is not too keen on sharing. He doesn't want to scare Seungmin away but he's only heard whispers about this, in small circles that he didn't belong. It was only supposed to be legend, never real and never recorded, but he thinks, maybe, they could be living legends and not even know it.
Soulmates, from what he understands from all the stories, can do this.
It had never crossed his mind, not once, only because of how outlandish it is. Soulmates aren't real, just some made up fictional fantasy to make people swoon over the idea of fated love. They weren't real. And yet, he's finding himself becoming a believer tonight.
"Who knows," Minho shrugs, trying to be non-chalent about it. He hates that Seungmin is so tired but he's glad he's a little too out of it to call Minho out on the awkward way he dodges the question.
"Let's try it again," Seungmin nods slightly. "Together."
"Together," Minho whispers softly, steeling himself. He knows he's going to have to work harder than Seungmin to make this work, but he's confident he can do it or he'll die trying. He makes himself look into Seungmin's eyes, flinching slightly at the sight of his own face before pushing into Seungmin's magic as hard as he can.
It starts slowly, like a small flame that Minho can feel just the beginnings of heat that he can't see yet. It doesn't hurt but he knows if he doesn't keep it in check, it'll burn him in whatever way that it can. He tries with all his might to reach out with his magic as far as he can, and he feels Seungmin's hands leave his face, trailing down to cup the back of his neck before tugging him into another kiss.
Like this, it's far easier to actually have the connection, he's not sure why he didn't think of that. He's thankful Seungmin at least his wits about him still and their mouths move almost in sync as Minho tries again to push his magic into Seungmin. He can feel everything in his own body, as weird as it is, and the way that Seungmin soul is trying to reach back.
It's hard like this, he can admit it, only because it's almost impossible to focus on anything but the steady press of Seungmin against him but they can't do it any other way. This is the best connection they are probably going to get and Minho refuses to let it go to waste.
With one more push, he reaches out to Seungmin's soul and almost screams in pain when Seungmin's reaches back and pulls.
He thought when they swapped souls the first time that he would never experience a pain like that again. He was right, since they aren't actively drinking a toxic sludge, but this is a very close second.
It feels like all the air is ripped out of his lungs and he is being sucked out of his body and shoved into a box that is just too small for him. He thinks maybe passing out and swapping bodies was a bit of better deal because this feels like pure hell. He thinks, maybe, he gasps, but he doesn't know. He thinks he might have screamed, but he doesn't know. How can he, everything hurts suddenly, a wariness he hasn't felt in so long settles in over him and he feels like he might die.
The last thing he hears before he passes out is a loud shout of his name before he's plunged into total darkness.
.
“Hyung?” A voice calls out to him even though it feels like he’s underwater. His ears feel like they are full of cotton but he knows that same voice is still talking to him. He thinks they are at least, he can’t really figure out what is happening to him. It’s a nice voice, if nothing else. A little shot and raspy, but Minho always has always liked deeper voices. It’s soothing.
He tries to listen closely as he hears the person next to him talk, it’s just so perfect, lulling him back to sleep. Was he sleeping before? He can’t really tell. He thinks he was, but he doesn’t know. Right now, he's in a hazy state of consciousness that he doesn’t want to leave. “Hyung, come on, wake up, it worked,” The pretty voice tells him and his mind tries to wade through what that means.
It worked? What worked? He feels an odd sense of Deja vu come over him suddenly, confused for a beat as he tries to think of what happened. And why do his limbs feel like they are on fire? And why is Seungmin talking to him-
His eyes shoot open, sitting up far faster than he thinks his muscles can allow and searching for Seungmin quickly. The sight he is met with nearly brings him tears.
Seungmin, hair tussled and slightly greasy, stares back at him. His puppy dog eyes stare back at him, wide and slightly wet. His face is ruddy, probably from all the crying Minho had done earlier in his body. Despite everything, the messy look he now dawns, the tears brimming in his eyes, Seungmin has never look more beautiful to him than he does in this moment.
“Seungmin-ah,” Minho breathes out before reaching out to him, cupping his face with shaking hands. He can’t believe it worked. He can feel it, the way that his magic, his own magic reaches out to Seungmin’s, trying to latch on but not swap it again. Just holding on like it’s always wanted to. He’s touched Seungmin before, held him, but never before has his magic tried something like this and he can’t say he hates it.
“I can’t believe it worked…” Seungmin whispers, reaching out to touch Minho, hands warm against his bare skin. He’s still shirtless, he realizes, and he can't help but feel a little exposed.
“Did you doubt me?” Minho replies lazily, his eyes barely able to stay open. He wouldn’t blame Seungmin if he did. He didn’t even think it would work.
Seungmin giggles, a short and quick thing, before leaning forward and pecking him softly on the lips. Minho thinks he could get used to that. “No. Just… Don’t know how it’s even possible.”
He blames the wariness that is setting deep in his bones for his loose lips when he mumbles, “I think we’re soulmates.”
“What?” Seungmin blinks at him, clearly confused. Minho doesn’t blame him. If he hadn’t read so many fairy tales about it, he doesn’t think he would either. “Hyung, that’s not real.”
“It wasn’t the potions,” Minho continues, smiling lazily at the other witch who is getting redder by second. “And I have read some theories about soulmates-”
“I have heard enough about theories to last a lifetime.” Seungmin grumbles before laying on top of Minho as best he can. The weight of him is familiar, grounds him in a way that he didn’t think he needed. “Soulmates, huh?” Seungmin scoffs.
“Is that so bad?” Minho asks as he rubs Seungmin back, just because he can.
“Awful,” Seungmin sighs as he all but melts into Minho’s touch. It brings a smile to his lips despite the snark from the younger witch. “Sleep. We can talk about it tomorrow,” He mumbles, his eyes already closing.
Minho can feel it, faintly, but their magic is mingling even without them trying. They aren’t reaching or trying to take magic, just existing. He wonders, distantly, if there is any research on this. Or if he could do more on it. Maybe this is the first case of it in history and he can study it-
A loud meow interrupts his musings and he is met with not one, but three pairs of annoyed kitties staring him down.
The stand off only lasts so long, since they seem to be assessing more than actually judging him. They must be able to tell things are back to normal. Well, as normal as things can be. He’s sure there are more discussions to be had and things to be said but he can worry about that later. Right now, he focuses on the man laying on top of and the way that his familiars make themselves at home around him.
He doesn’t know what tomorrow means for them, if they even wake up tomorrow since he thinks he will sleep for at least 12 hours, but he can handle it. With Seungmin in his heart and right by his soul, he can handle it.