Chapter Text
The doors of the train slid open with a quiet hiss, a wave of cold air from the air-conditioned inside rushing out. A very welcome wave of cold air that hit the thin layer of sweat on Zenitsu’s skin. It was barely the beginning of June, the worst was yet to come, but summer had rolled in fast and hot. At this point, spring was but a faint memory.
It was close to noon, meaning the sun was nearing its zenith, burning down at full heat. It also meant that rush hour was long over. In the nearly empty train, Zenitsu easily found a seat at the end of a row and leaned against the side panel with a slow exhale. He was only going to rest his eyes for a moment. Perhaps catch a quick nap.
He’d barely gotten any sleep last night, kept up until the wee hours of the morning by formulas and definitions. Only when the Greek letters had begun dancing mockingly across the page, he’d eventually given up on his last minute cramming. By that point, it’d been just shy of sunrise, leaving him only a handful of hours of fitful sleep before his alarm’s rude morning greeting. The lack of sleep didn’t exactly help with his anxiety. This exam was said to be the most difficult one he would face during his studies. According to his seniors, more than half of the students failed this class at least once.
Despite his best efforts to the contrary, Zenitsu was certain he was going to be one of them. Another sigh escaped him.
He wished Tanjirou had been able to stay over the night before. Not just because he would’ve pulled Zenitsu into bed at a reasonable hour, proclaiming that sleep would be much more helpful for his exam than burning the midnight oil. With Tanjirou next to him, Zenitsu would’ve actually gotten some proper rest. It always helped soothe Zenitsu’s nerves to have Tanjirou around. Sure, he was his boyfriend, and there was a special comfort in having the person you loved nearby, but it was more than that. Even before they had started dating, Zenitsu had clung to Tanjirou whenever his overeager imagination kept supplying him with worst case scenarios, most of which ended in his own death through a long-winded yet virtually inevitable order of steps. Inevitable according to his brain, that was.
It wasn’t that Tanjirou knew how to choose the right words. No, it was the very sound of his voice. The decisiveness of his words paired with the kindness of his tone when he comforted. The sharp yet impartial sting of his directness with the underlying warmth of care when he chastised. And when he pulled Zenitsu close, stroked a hand through his hair and whispered quiet assurances that everything would be okay, his calm timbre left no room for doubt. Tanjirou held a belief in him so certain, even Zenitsu found it difficult to doubt himself.
He really could’ve used some of that last night. But alas, Tanjirou had filial duties to attend. With his mother sick, Tanjirou had returned home to tend to the bakery and help with the younger children. Tanjirou would do anything for his family, and Zenitsu loved him for that. He never could’ve asked for Tanjirou to stay at his side when his family needed him.
Zenitsu shifted in his seat in an attempt to get a little more comfortable but sleep didn’t come. He was so very tired, and yet his brain wouldn’t even allow him a brief respite. A tiny voice in his head murmured that Zenitsu would surely miss his stop if he dozed off. And then he’d miss his test, and he’d have to repeat the year, and Tanjirou would graduate before him and move away to Germany for his pastry specialisation course without Zenitsu, and they would attempt long distance but the time difference would be gruelling, and Tanjirou, with his dislike for technology, would grow discontent with only seeing Zenitsu on a screen, but he’d put up a brave face so as not to worry him which would make Zenitsu constantly paranoid that Tanjirou wasn’t doing well, and they’d both be suffering and eventually they’d have no choice but to—
His phone vibrated gently in his pocket. Probably just a newsletter, or a new message in the “ain’t that glorious?” group chat. Perhaps Kanroji or Uzui had spotted another cool outfit they had to share. Zenitsu often saved pictures they sent for inspiration, but today, he didn’t really feel like looking at clothes. He still took out his phone, abandoning his quest for sleep. Anything to distract him from the train of thought that had been rapidly heading towards a break-up he didn’t even want to imagine.
His eyebrows rose when he clicked the screen on. Seeing Tanjirou’s name was unexpected. The notification telling him he’d received a new voice message even more so. Tanjirou had only gotten a smartphone because Nezuko had insisted he needed one when he moved out. She had argued that if he didn’t have one, she wouldn’t be able to send him pictures of their family. For all his reluctance, that had convinced Tanjirou. Aside from phone calls and the occasional text, though, that was pretty much all Tanjirou used his phone for. Zenitsu wasn’t even sure Tanjirou knew it came with a web browser or maps, let alone games and other apps.
It probably had been an accident, Zenitsu thought as he unlocked his phone. He must’ve hit the button to record a voice message unintentionally and, not knowing how to cancel it, simply sent it. Kind of like a butt-dial, just the voice message equivalent. The thought of Tanjirou panicking over the unexpected recording button drew a smile to Zenitsu’s lips. Tanjirou was particularly cute when he was flustered.
Just as Zenitsu was about to open the chat, his phone buzzed with another notification. A second voice message. Once an accident, twice a coincidence... what was that quote again? Perhaps poor Tanjirou was just hitting random buttons in his panic. Eager anticipation rose in Zenitsu’s chest regardless. Even if it had been an accident, and he hadn’t meant to send those voice messages, perhaps there’d at least be a couple of seconds of Tanjirou’s breathing as he tried to make the voice memo stop.
Zenitsu was just that desperate. Not just because of his pre-exam jitters. They hadn’t seen each other in a week, and working in the bakery meant Tanjirou often went to bed before Zenitsu’s part-time job was over, so they hadn’t had the chance to talk on the phone at all. A few exchanged text messages really didn’t hit the spot.
When he opened the chat, Zenitsu saw that neither of the voice memos was just a few seconds long. The first one was shorter than the second, but it still was a little over a minute long. Perhaps he’d even get a little of Tanjirou talking to himself as he feverishly tried to tame his phone. Excited, Zenitsu hit play.
At first, there was only faint static, the sound of the microphone recording nothing but background noise. Zenitsu deflated a little. Perhaps Tanjirou hadn’t even realised that he’d begun recording a voice message. As Zenitsu listened closer, he caught the faintest sound of breathing, but it was so distant that he could barely make it out. Even when he turned his phone to full volume, it was nearly inaudible over the crackling of the static. So much for that hope.
With a deep sigh, Zenitsu was debating whether he should still listen to the full message, when suddenly, there was a voice.
“Eh, Nezuko? What do I need to press again?”
At full volume, the words were physically painful as they were practically shouted directly into Zenitsu’s ears. He jolted so violently that the woman sat across from him shot him a surprised look. Zenitsu smiled at her apologetically as he fumbled for the volume control. His heart was beating rapidly in his chest. Partly because of the adrenaline at having been jump-scared by the unexpected loudness, but mainly because he knew that voice. It had been a little echoey, as if the person speaking had been turned away from the phone, but it was undeniably Tanjirou’s voice.
There was the faint sound of rustling clothes—Nezuko approaching, Zenitsu assumed—and then a female voice said, “The little microphone.”
Yes, that was Nezuko. She sounded adorable as always. Ah, Zenitsu had to go visit the Kamado family. He’d accompanied Tanjirou over Golden Week, but that had been a month ago. He missed them. Most of all the eldest brother, who was currently making a small, confused noise.
“I don’t see any microphone.”
“Let me see.” More rustling. Nezuko sounded a lot closer when she spoke next. “Ah, it’s because you’re already recording!”
“I am?” Tanjirou asked, voice tinged with a hint of distress. “Does that mean Zenitsu can already hear this?”
“When you send it, yes. You can also just delete it if you stop the recording, and then press—”
The voice message cut off there, and Zenitsu could vividly picture what had happened. Tanjirou, in his technology-induced panic, had tapped on icons faster than Nezuko could stop him. Instead of deleting the message, he’d ended up sending it. Much to Zenitsu’s delight. He would’ve been pretty upset with Tanjirou if he’d found out that a recording of his boyfriend’s voice had been discarded. What a waste that would’ve been.
Zenitsu immediately went to the second voice message, the longer one of the two. Instead of a stretch of silence, this one started right in the middle of a word.
“—ood to go!”
“Thanks, Nezuko!” Zenitsu winced slightly and adjusted the volume again. Tanjirou clearly paid no heed to the fact that he was right next to the phone as he thanked his sister enthusiastically. Though when he spoke next, it was much quieter.
“Zenitsu? I hope I’m doing it right this time. Sorry for the other message. I tried to delete it but somehow must’ve pressed the wrong thing.”
Called it, Zenitsu thought with a fond grin. He covered the speakers of his earphones with his hands, as if that would block out anything the already flawless noise cancelling couldn’t. He’d never been happier to have invested in good headphones. He was aware that he was already under scrutiny by the other passengers in the train, but he couldn’t help himself. He must’ve looked like an idiot, grinning to himself in the middle of the subway while cradling his headphones. An idiot in love. Which is exactly what he was.
“I’m really bad with this whole voice message thing, but I knew you’d be stressed about your exam, and I just wanted to wish you good luck. You will definitely do well! I believe in you! You are on the train right now, aren’t you? I was thinking about calling, but if you’re on the train, it would disturb the other passengers. So I decided to give this a try. I really hope it’s recording properly this time...”
Tanjirou’s voice trailed off as if he was talking to himself, and Zenitsu chuckled even though Tanjirou couldn’t hear him. At the same time, his heart swelled in his chest. How had he ever gotten this lucky, to have someone as good as Tanjirou for a boyfriend? He must’ve done something exceptionally heroic in his previous life to be rewarded so richly in this one. Saved humanity, or something of a similar scale.
“Anyway... what else was there... oh yeah! You know that game, the one Takeo always plays? Where you’ve got to fight those big monsters? Apparently he roped Shigeru in as well now, but then Shigeru easily defeated something... what was it? Something with wings... I don’t remember the name. It was red and big though, perhaps a dragon, or a dinosaur? Ah, not important. It was something very strong, and Shigeru defeated it very easily after Takeo struggled with it for a long time and it was a whole thing. Takeo pouted for the entire day. Also Rokuta made some origami flowers in class and they are so neatly folded. He’s clearly very talented! He made one for you too. Oh, and...”
Zenitsu suddenly understood why the voice message was nearly five minutes long. With a quiet smile, he closed his eyes and let Tanjirou’s voice wash over him. He pictured him sitting across from him. His dark auburn hair, swept back to reveal the burn scar on the left side of his forehead. Even in his mental eye, Zenitsu could trace the jagged outline of it, just as he had done with his fingers countless times before. He watched Tanjirou’s mouth move, lips warm and soft—you could tell just by looking at them, but Zenitsu also knew from experience—curving into a smile as he talked about his family. And finally, his eyes. The deep maroon with the tiniest flecks of gold, which you could only really see when the sun hit Tanjirou’s face just right. Eyes that held so much gentleness and affection, and were sure to crinkle at the edges with his smile. Ah, Zenitsu could picture it so perfectly, and yet it wasn’t the same as seeing the real deal.
“Ah, sorry. I just wanted to distract you a little bit and now I’ve droned on for so long.”
Don’t apologise, Zenitsu wanted to say, already a little wistful that he’d reached the end of the message. I could listen to you talk for hours.
“I don’t... really know how to end this. What do people say at the end of voice messages? Is there a greeting? Actually— just— perhaps again. Good luck later. I love you? Yeah, that seems like a good way to end this. I love you.”
Something fluttered inside Zenitsu’s chest, then settled. He would never tire of hearing Tanjirou say that. Reluctantly, he blinked his eyes back open. For a moment, he just sat with the tingling feeling, savouring the pleasant warmth in his veins. Then he inhaled deeply and moved to type out a reply.
ahhhhhh i’ve got the cutest boyfriend ever~
He sent the message together with about a dozen heart-eye emojis, and didn’t even wait for Tanjirou to reply before adding:
now if only i could see you :( i miss you
Tanjirou’s status changed to online immediately. He must’ve kept his phone nearby. Still on his lunch break then. And yet, there was no reply. At least, not right away. In reality, less than a minute passed before his phone gently vibrated with the incoming message, but to Zenitsu, waiting that minute felt like an eternity. An eternity he was rewarded for when a picture popped up on his screen.
Tanjirou’s selfie taking skills were lacking as usual, the angle unflattering—if such a thing even existed where Tanjirou was concerned—the lighting too bright in the background, Tanjirou slightly out of focus and with his brow furrowed the way it did when he was concentrating hard. And still he was such a lovely sight, with the slight dusting of colour across his cheeks, his luminous eyes outshining the glare of the lamp right across his shoulder.
Zenitsu’s heart did another little somersault; or attempted to, anyway. It felt more like it had tripped over its feet, so stricken with the sight that it no longer paid attention to what it was doing, and went head over heels as a consequence of its distraction.
i really do have the cutest boyfriend ever, Zenitsu sent back immediately, fingers flying over the virtual keyboard. 100% confirmed
A sense of buoyancy welled up inside him, an energy that was at odds with his lack of sleep and the hellish temperatures that awaited him outside this moving metal sanctuary. All his exhaustion was forgotten as he thought of Tanjirou’s voice.
hey, tanjirou, can you record another message?
can you say "zenitsu, you got this?"
Zenitsu wasn’t entirely sure where that request had come from. Perhaps he simply wanted to tease Tanjirou, make him even more flustered. Most likely, it was a real desire leaking through the cracks in his self-control, to hear the words spoken by Tanjirou. Not that he retained much self-control these days with Tanjirou. It was hard to, when Tanjirou so often indulged him.
“Zenitsu, you got this!”
Tanjirou’s voice wavered a little bit, just the slightest tinge of embarrassment to it, but he mostly sounded determined. Even if Zenitsu had literally put the words into his mouth, Tanjirou believed in them.
now "zenitsu is the smartest."
He followed the message with a big-eyed puppy sticker.
This time, he had to wait a little longer, but eventually a new voice message appeared on Tanjirou’s side of the chat.
“Zenitsu is the smartest.”
Tanjirou’s voice was quieter, a little bit more hesitant. Not in the way that indicated that he was lying, but in a way that meant he suspected where this was heading. It didn’t stop the grin on Zenitsu’s face from widening as he typed out:
"zenitsu is the most handsomest!"
There was a pause, so Zenitsu added a “pretty please?”, for good measure. Instead of a voice memo, he got a regular message back.
Don’t push your luck.
Ah, busted. Zenitsu nearly barked out a laugh, but he managed to tone it down to a quiet chuckle just in time. Seemed like Tanjirou had seen straight through him.
He still sent the pouting puppy. Yeah, he was going to push his luck. He didn’t have to wait long before a little text next to Tanjirou’s name informed him that Tanjirou was recording a voice message. Zenitsu’s eyebrows jumped up. He hadn’t expected Tanjirou to actually go through with it.
“Zenitsu is the most handsomest.”
This one was barely more than a whisper. Clearly Tanjirou was trying to be quiet in order not to be overheard, but having him whisper straight into Zenitsu’s ear—that Zenitsu was the handsomest, at that—sent his pulse spiking as heat rose to his cheeks. Oh, that plan had backfired. He’d been trying to get Tanjirou flustered—and succeeded!—but had ended up flustering himself in the process as well.
He still went ahead and pinned the voice memo to the chat, so that he’d find it again easily. He did the same to all the other voice messages too. These were his little treasures that he would pull out whenever he was in need of a little pick-me-up, a dose of Tanjirou when he wasn’t around.
awwww, you’re gonna make me shy, tan-chan～
i’m definitely gonna do well on my exam now
i’ve saved your messages so i can listen to them over and over again
i’m really loved, aren’t i?
He’d just wanted to tease a little more. It hadn’t been meant to be taken too seriously, but Tanjirou’s response was immediate anyway.
Of course!
And then, to Zenitsu’s utter confusion, another voice message, as short as the previous ones. Had Tanjirou accidentally hit the record button when he sent the text? Without hesitation, Zenitsu pressed play.
“I love you, Zenitsu. Very much.”
The sheer conviction in Tanjirou’s voice knocked the breath out of Zenitsu. Just like Tanjirou, to hit him with such a sneak attack. Not a single hint of the quiet embarrassment that had tinged the previous messages remained. Tanjirou clearly didn’t care who heard him.
The warmth in Zenitsu’s chest spread throughout his entire body, flowing from his torso into his arms and legs, down into the tips of his fingers as they moved rapidly across the screen.
hey, are you closing the bakery today?
Yeah. I took over Nezuko’s shift so she can work on her essay. So I probably won’t be able to call you until later tonight, sorry.
Zenitsu could almost see Tanjirou’s downcast eyes, his apologetic smile. Not that there was any need for that, not when Zenitsu had already made his decision. An impulsive decision, sure, but Zenitsu had never been known for his good impulse control.
then i’ll go straight to the bakery. once my exam is over, i’ll grab a train. i’ll look up times rn but i should be there before you close up.
Zenitsu hadn’t planned to travel anywhere. He had nothing on him but the clothes he was wearing and the small cross-body bag containing his phone, wallet, and a couple of pens for his exam. But if he went home to pack a proper travel bag, he’d be too late. The four youngest had school the next day, so Zenitsu couldn’t just arrive in the middle of the night. And he simply couldn’t bear the thought of having to wait one more day.
Any of his toiletries could be bought when he got there, and he would just wear Tanjirou’s clothes. They were pretty much the same height anyway, and since Zenitsu liked his clothes casual and a little oversized, Tanjirou’s more muscular frame was not an issue either.
Zenitsu was looking up train schedules, mentally calculating how long it would take him to get from his university to Shinjuku station, when a notification appeared at the top of his screen.
He had expected some level of protest, because Tanjirou usually was the sensible one between the two of them. Surely he must’ve known that Zenitsu hadn’t planned to come visit, that he was woefully unprepared for travel. But instead of texts telling him that he shouldn’t overdo it, that he should rest after his exam and recover, and that Tanjirou would be back soon, Zenitsu had received just a single voice message.
“I’ll be waiting for you.”