Chapter Text
Padfoot: If I have to fold any more clean washing today, I may have to resort to extreme violence.
Moony: Very domestic of you.
I didn’t know you washed.
Padfoot; Haha. Funny.
Kill yourself.
I’ll have you know I’m always clean.
Moony; Always?
Padfoot; Obviously.
Moony; Disappointing. ;)
Padfoot: Well, not always.
Sirius waited, but no reply came through. His heart was beating wildly, and he threw his phone on the bed in order to avoid waiting for the bubbles to pop up again. He still had more washing to fold, but it could wait until he came back. Surely he had enough t-shirts and underwear to last him a couple of days.
And he was sure, if things got dire, that Scotland would have somewhere Sirius could stock. =They weren’t exactly going anywhere rural - it was only Edinburgh for fuck’s sake.
Still, there was the task of folding them all in the duffel bag he was planning on bringing with them, and locating his passport and whatever the fuck else he may need. Sirius lay there for a moment, willing for his phone to buzz and Moony to provide a welcome distraction, but it never did- so he pulled himself to his feet with a weary sigh and cracked his spine.
It let out a satisfying pop, and Sirius breathed out in relief. Christ- when had he gotten so old? Ever since he’d turned twenty-six, he was unable to stand up without creaking. He spent far too much time at his desk.
Sirius fit what he could in the duffel bag and, after a moment’s consideration, pulled his camera from his nightstand. He hadn’t used it in months, hadn’t had a chance to. It still fit perfectly in his hands, a small, heavy black brick.
He packed it as well, not thinking too hard about it, and picked up his phone; no new notifications.
It wasn’t unlike Moony to abandon things just as it was getting interesting. He would reappear in an hour with an excuse, and not pick things up where he left them, and Sirius would be left wanting more.
Still, this was more than he had gotten for years ago, when they’d first bumped into each online, aged sixteen in a chat forum on Myspace, dedicated to anxious teenage gays and their fears. It had been fully anonymous- all nicknames and vague profiles.
In a way, it still was. Sirius knew everything about Moony, beyond his real name, where he lived, and what he looked like.
Moony messaged Sirius first. Sirius had just come out, and found himself disowned. It probably wasn’t the coming-out story anyone had wanted to hear, but Sirius had needed someone to talk to, and Moony popped up - willing to be that person.
It had seemed like an online diary at first, nothing more than a sympathetic virtual ear. But then they’d started talking, really talking. Moony wanted to come out himself, but his father would cut him off, and Moony wasn’t ready for that. Sirius could only sympathise; he’d almost been grateful to have been kicked out by his father.
Moony became the one person in the world Sirius could rely on. As much as he loved James, he had enough going on in his own life to take on Sirius’ burdens. And Regulus just wasn’t an option. But Moony was always around, saying the right thing and pulling Sirius out of his funk- after a while, it had been only natural for Sirius to fall in love with him.
By twenty-two, he was obsessed, and by twenty-six, he thought it was almost hopeless.
Until recently.
Sirius wasn’t sure what had changed- well, he had. Sirius had met a man, a real-life man. Not just a pixelated image of a full moon. Fabian owned a shop in the town. He was lovely, broad, and ginger. He was funny too, not in a smart way like Moony, but he liked practical jokes and crude humour, so Sirius had liked him.
He never would’ve pegged Moony for the jealous type- but he clearly was, and Sirius was loving it. James would never approve, but dating Fabian made Moony an option, so what was the harm?
Besides, it wasn’t like it was cheating. He and Fabian hadn’t been official; they probably could’ve been, but Sirius had let it fizzle in favour of Moony, like always. Just- Moony didn’t need to know that. He seemed to be vying for Sirius’ attention now that he had competition, and Sirius didn’t mind at all.
Padfoot: Fabian texted me about going out tomorrow.
Moony; Unlucky for him you’ll be on a boat to Scotland.
Sirius grinned, as expected, Moony’s reply came quickly with the mention of Fabian’s name.
Padfoot: Maybe he’s invited
Moony; He’s not invited
What’s he going to do? Bring a suitcase full of whoopee cushions again?
Padfoot: That was one time!
Moony; One time too many.
Invite me, I’m way better.
Sirius bit at his lower lip to stave off his grin.
Padfoot: You’d never come
Moony; Padfoot
Padfoot
Padfoot.
I always come.
Padfoot; Christ Moons.
Moony; Lol
Listen, gtg for real now
I’m at work, and things are going poorly
Shit up the walls poorly
Padfoot: Big change in vibes, babe.
Moony; 100%
And I didn’t come back because of your little boyfriend, by the way.
Date him if you want.
Padfoot; I’ll date him then.
Moony; Don’t
Sirius ran his hands through his hair, feeling the knots catch against his fingers. He needed to wash it before he went to sleep.
It was his own fault, really; he kept leading Moony into these conversations. All the sexual frustration Sirius was feeling was just the consequence of his own actions. Really, really hot consequences.
Sirius left his phone at his desk and clattered downstairs to the kitchen to look for his passport. He was almost certain it was in the kitchen drawer.
He found James on the sofa, his headset on and focused entirely on the car he was driving around onscreen.
“Alright, mate?” Sirius said, ripping the headphones off, “Have you packed yet?”
“Packed?” James’ eyes took a minute to focus on him, and he was scowling, “It’ll only take me a few minutes in the morning.” He said, already waving Sirius away.
“In the morning?” Sirius raised his eyes, “James- we’re getting the ferry at six am. There will be no time in the morning.”
“It’s fine, Sirius.” James rolled his eyes and pulled his headphones back on, turning his back on the conversation. Sirius took a deep breath and reminded himself to be patient.
It had been almost six months since Euphemia and Fleamont’s death, a fatal car accident claiming their lives in the middle of last November. It was only April now, Sirius was feeling it himself, but James was completely spiralling; it was the whole reason for this ridiculous trip in the first place.
James said he needed to ‘find himself’, whatever the fuck that meant. Being James’ best friend meant Sirius had to tag along for the ride.
“You’ve at least told Alice we’re going, right?” Sirius asked, but his voice fell on deaf ears. James wasn’t paying attention to him, his eyes locked on the screen once more. Sirius frowned, but left him to it.
He grabbed his passport from the kitchen drawer and loaded up a bowl of cereal before returning to his room. Usually, James would ask him to join in with whatever game was obsessing him at the time, but recently, he’d been mostly gaming solo, or with a bunch of people he only knew online. Sirius didn’t really mind, but it did concern him.
Really, he was only going to make sure James wasn't planning anything stupid. His behaviour was strange and unlike him, and Sirius couldn’t handle any more brothers going mental right now.
He settled into bed and spooned the cereal to his mouth. It had gone soft, and the milk had turned sweet- just the way he liked it.
Sirius’s eyes found the washing again, the monstrous pile of clean laundry that he couldn’t imagine waiting for him at the end of their trip. He groaned and sat up, flicking a film on his laptop and sorting through the arduous task of folding it.
He had only a few t-shirts left, and about twenty minutes left on the film when his phone buzzed again.
Moony, I’m not jealous of your boyfriend, by the way
Sirius grinned and snorted.
Padfoot: Did that sound totally sane and rational in your head when you typed it?
Moony: Shut up.
Yes, it did.
And it’s true, by the way.
Padfoot; Riiiiiiiiiiight.
Moony; I was actually dating someone myself up until a few weeks ago.
Something murky settled in Sirius’s stomach. Not jealous, something achey and upset instead. Sirius didn’t get jealous; he got sad. He didn’t want Moony to date anyone. Sirius wanted Moony single and available for when he finally let Sirius meet him.
Padfoot; You never said
That’s cool, though Moons
Sorry it ended?
Moony; You should be
it’s your fault
Sirius blinked at the message, rereading it once, twice. It buzzed around in his brain like static, fizzing in his ears. Something greedy, hopeful, and faintly terrified.
Padfoot; Dude I wasn’t even there!
Moony; He said I wasn’t available
Because I was always texting you.
Padfoot; Oh sorry.
Not always, though, like?
Surely you’d have time to text us both.
Or you could’ve said, and I would’ve backed off
Moony; He suggested the same
I wasn’t overtly interested in the idea.
Sirius leaned back in his bed, the phone feeling loose in his hand. He wanted to call Moony for the first time just to scream at him- what does that mean?
Moony; I’m sorry if that’s a bit much.
Padfoot; No it’s fine
Sorry I cocked up your relationship.
Moony; No apologies needed
Wasn’t much of a relationship
’m intending on cocking yours up with Fabian.
Padfoot: You’re all talk, and you know it.
You’ll probably disappear for hours now.
Moony; I won’t.
So that’s what changed with Moony lately. Why had he been flirtier than usual? The extra softness in his messages, the sharp jokes, the sudden attention. It hadn’t come from nowhere. Moony had been pulling closer, and Sirius hadn’t noticed until now.
Sirius let the phone rest against his chest, screen glowing dimly. The film had ended at some point, unnoticed. His unzipped rucksack was spilling open, a pile of neatly folded shirts falling out of its mouth.
Sirius stared at the ceiling, a stupid little grin tugging at his mouth.
Moony hadn’t wanted to stop texting him. Not even for a boyfriend.
He didn't know what that meant, not exactly, but it meant something. Didn’t it? Something beyond the space between platonic and flirty that they’d spent the past ten years in.
It was funny. Sirius had no idea what Moony looked like. Not really. No photos, no selfies, a few ancient posts on his defunct blog, a faceless photo from when they were sixteen that was nothing but a lanky teen in the mirror. A baggy t-shirt and worn-looking blue jeans.
Teenage Sirius had clung to that photo for years, peering at the long limbs and the bony fingers dwarfing his Samsung, and trying to imagine a face that would match it.
It hadn’t been much, but Sirius had never been given more.
Moony had always been a bit old-school that way.
He scrolled up through their messages, flicking past memes, book recommendations, late-night confessions, stupid arguments about tea versus coffee, and that long week when Remus had just disappeared. Sirius had stayed up every night that week just in case he came online.
He’d come back, and not explained it, but Sirius had assumed it was family related, and not pressed.
It had been years. Literal years. And still, all he had was an anonymous voice in his head and words on a screen.
Moony; It’s you who’s disappearing now
What, have I finally scared you off?
Padfoot: After all these years, you think a little reciprocated flirting is going to scare me off?
Moony; I’d hoped not.
Sirius sat up straighter, as if that would somehow make it easier to think. His heart was a mess of movement, too fast, too loud, like it was finally catching up.
He looked at the message again.
I’d hoped not.
He didn’t know what Moony looked like. He didn’t know what his voice sounded like. He didn’t know the colour of his eyes or how tall he was or even his real name.
But he did know the way Moony typed when he was tired. He knew the books he read when his brain got loud. He knew he liked thunderstorms, and hated the sound of silence, and sometimes cried at commercials even though he always pretended he didn’t.
Padfoot: So what changes?
Moony; Does anything have to?
Can’t things just stay like this
But just a bit more as well?
You can still date Fabian as well, it’s not like I’d tell on you.
Sirius let out a quiet, disbelieving laugh, sharp around the edges.
It was classic Moony. Just enough to drag Sirius in, but not enough that he felt satisfied. A breadcrumb, never the whole slice. Not quite enough to choke on, but just enough for it to sit like a lump in his throat.
Padfoot: Are you asking me to cheat on my boyfriend with you?
Moony, is it really cheating if it’s only texting?
Padfoot: Yes.
Moony; Fair.
Benji thought the same, to be honest.
That was the fella.
Padfoot; Right
Well, he’s correct.
Moony, I thought you’d say that
Damn your moral compass
Sirius rolled over in his bed. He wanted to be annoyed at Moony for dangling the carrot, but he ached to take a bite so badly.
Padfoot: Didn’t peg you for a cheater.
Moony; for you?
Probably cheat on anybody for you
Think I have been cheating on everyone over the years with you
Sirius reread the message a half-dozen times. It felt like digging his thumb into a bruise.
Padfoot: Even your one ex-girlfriend?
It had been a phase when they were seventeen. She’d been a family friend of his, and Moony had convinced himself he could be straight.
Moony; Oh, please don’t mention her
But yes, especially her.
Padfoot: You know this is fucked up right?
We could just date
Normally.
We could send photos,
And call.
I’d come see you, even.
It has been over ten years.
Moony; I know
I’m a coward.
I’m sorry.
You’re too important to me.
And besides,
What about Fabian?
Padfoot: Oh, for fuck’s sake, there’s no Fabian
Well there is
But I broke it off weeks ago
I was just making you jealous
Dick
Moony; I mean
I’m pleased
I know you’re mad at me
But that does please me
Padfoot: Yeah,
Cause you’re a big, jealous bastard
Moony: Honestly?
Aye.
Sirius buried his face in his pillow and groaned.
He should have been more pissed off. Probably would have been, if it hadn’t felt so good to finally be saying the things they never said. The truth burned, but at least it was hot.
Moony was jealous of Fabian, admitting, in his own roundabout way, that he wanted Sirius.
That was enough, right?
Sirius bit his lip. Surely, he could make it enough? He’d survived for years on less.
He imagined Moony somewhere on the other side of the screen, maybe staring at his phone with the same mix of hope and fear, wrestling with the same tangled knot of wanting and doubt.
Padfoot: You’re a pain in the arse, you know that?
Moony; You’ve mentioned it one or twice
Sirius grinned despite himself, fingers hovering over the keyboard as a warm glow spread through his chest.
Padfoot: Someone's got to keep you in line.
Moony: just judging what I know about your preferences,
And mine,
I figure that’s probably my line.
Padfoot: Oh ho ho!
Moony!
How scandalous!
Moony, it’s 100% your fault for being so open about your university experiences.
Do you know I have that threesome story burned into my brain?
Padfoot; In a fun sexy way?
Moony; Yes
But also, I seethe
Padfoot; Seethe?
Moony; I think you mentioned it earlier
I’m a big jealous bastard.
Sirius wanted to smash his face into the pillow and squeal like a teenage girl. He just about resisted the urge to do so.
Christ, he still had to shower, and needed to be asleep relatively soon if he had any hope of surviving the ferry tomorrow.
The clock on his bedside table glowed stubbornly, past midnight, creeping toward the early hours. His body screamed to lie down, muscles tight from the long day, but his mind refused to slow down.
His fingers trembled slightly as they hovered over the keyboard. The warmth from the screen felt like a tether, pulling him back into the conversation with Moony, who was probably already half asleep, or maybe lying awake just like him.
Sirius ran a hand through his hair and glanced around the room.
He should get up, get a shower, and shut the day down properly. But the thought of the night stretching empty without Moony’s messages felt heavier than the fatigue in his limbs.
He let out a quiet breath, half frustration, half hope.
Maybe just a few more minutes.
His thumb pressed send.
Padfoot: Why were you jealous, Moons?
The reply pinged his phone almost immediately. As if Moony had been lying in wait for Sirius to respond.
Moon, isn’t it obvious?
Padfoot: Maybe I just want to hear you say it?
Moony; It’s getting late
Don’t you have to get up early in the morning?
Sirius rolled his eyes. Typical Moony.
Padfoot: Still have to shower.
Moony: By all means,
I’ll be here waiting.
Will you come back to say goodnight?
Fuck. The sweetness of it hit Sirius right in the chest.
Padfoot: Of course, Moons.
He pushed himself off his bed and wandered around his room collecting clean clothes and fresh towels from the linen closet.
Sirius brought his phone with him to the bathroom and left it on top of his clean clothes as he started the shower.
The bathroom was warm and humid, steam curling around the edges of the mirror as Sirius waited for the water to heat up.
He stared at his reflection, the glass fogging over in places, softening the sharp lines of his face. The silence was heavy, broken only by the slow drip of condensation sliding down the mirror and the sputtering of the water hitting the shower pan.
He would make it enough. Sirius decided. Whatever Moony was willing to give, Sirius would keep taking, until even Moony wanted more.
Sirius shook his head lightly, wiping a patch clear with his hand.
Sirius started undressing, dragging his shirt over his head and unbuckling his jeans, when he caught a glimpse of himself half-naked in the mirror.
His head cocked. Sirius lifted a hand and pressed it towards the mirror, hiding his face.
That didn’t mean he had to make it easy on Moony.
Grinning to himself, Sirius grabbed his phone and angled the camera just right.
The photo captured the lean line of his torso, the soft curve of his hipbone, where the delicate, swirling branches of his tattoo peeked out from beneath the open waistband of his jeans, winding across his hip bones. His forearms came into view, inked with intricate black designs of dogs and stags and moons and anything he’d liked in his early twenties, that twisted and curled like living shadows across his skin.
His face stayed hidden behind his hand, but the dark waves of his hair fell in loose strands over his shoulders, catching the light.
He tapped send.
Padfoot; Anonymous enough for ya, Moons?
Sirius dropped the phone before Moony could reply, his heart pulsing against his throat. He forced himself to strip the rest of the way and climb into the shower before he got trapped in an endless Moony-loop.
The water hit him like a jolt, warm and steady, cascading over his shoulders and down his back. Sirius closed his eyes, tilting his head back to let the water drum against his scalp, soaking through his tangled hair.
The steady rhythm should have been calming, but his mind refused to quiet. Sleep. Ferry. Moony.
Sirius wanted to dash out of the shower and find out if he’d pushed him too far. Moony had been very explicit about his boundary, no pictures.
Yet here he was, having crossed it anyway. The weight of that decision pressed down on him heavier than the hot water cascading over his skin.
He ran his hands over his face, trying to wipe away the doubt, but it clung stubbornly, mixing with the water sliding down his skin. The heat from the shower should have been comforting; it should have melted away the tension in his muscles and the ache in his chest, but instead it only highlighted the restless hope flickering beneath the surface.
He heard his phone buzz.
Sirius forced himself to focus on the mundane, shampoo lathering through his hair, fingers scrubbing at his skin, as if the act of washing could somehow cleanse the restlessness twisting inside him. The sharp scent of soap and the rhythm of his movements kept his racing thoughts at bay for a moment, tethering him to the present.
When he finally rinsed the suds away, the water was almost cold.
With a slow breath, he turned off the shower, stepping out into the thick, warm steam that clung to the bathroom walls. It was comforting and stifling all at the same time.
He wrapped a towel around his waist, phone still buzzing softly in the silence of the room. Sirius couldn’t wait any longer and grabbed it. His hair dripped onto the screen, almost blurring the barrage of messages Moony had sent him.
Moony; Fuck
ing
Hell
PADFOOT
Is that you??
Of course, it’s you
Am I dreaming?
Christ
Of course, you’re hot
And not like hot
Normal guy hot
No
You’re
Like fucking,
Rockstar hot
Jesus christ
Have you a tree tattooed on your hip?
Can i get splinters on my tongue?
Will you hurry up and reply so I stop embarrassing myself?
Christ are you in the shower?
Now I’m thinking about you in the shower
Did you have to take your shirt off?
Of course you wear those fancy ass boxers
I might kill myself Pads,
Hope you’re happy
He couldn’t help the grin tugging at his lips, fingers hovering over the keyboard as a warm pulse spread through him.
Padfoot; Bit extreme
Moony; Bit extreme!!!!!!!
From the man that’s just dropped softcore porn
Padfoot; Softcore porn???
That’s just me
Moony; Aye well
You’re obscene.
And then you made me think about you naked in the shower
Padfoot; I’m just out
I havent even dressed yet
Moony; RIGHT
WELL
CHRIST
Padfoot; Sorry!
Moony; NO IT’S FINE.
Padfoot; Seems fine!
Moony; Are you really just in a towel right now?
Padfoot: Well I was in the shower!
Moony; You absolute menace.
Do you have any idea what you’re doing to me right now?
Padfoot; I have a notion yeah
Moony; It’s evil
Padfoot; You could always return the favour?
His phone stopped buzzing. Sirius sighed, and dried himself, dropping the phone on the window. Moony wouldn’t bite. Moony never bit-
Sirius’s phone buzzed.
He lifted it and almost dropped it.
Moony; Yeah, alright then.
*Picture*
Sirius’s breath caught as he opened the photo. The frame revealed Moony from just below his jaw down to the curve of his waist. His shirt was unbuttoned halfway, slipping off one shoulder to reveal pale skin and the faint outline of toned muscles beneath. The soft light traced the lines of his collarbone, dipping down to the subtle swell of his chest. He had a chain around his neck, a little circle-shaped pendant, Saint David, it looked like.
The frame was cropped carefully, cutting off at the jawline, so Moony’s face was nowhere to be seen, just the tantalising curve of his neck and the sweep of brownish, blondish hair falling across his skin.
Sirius’s breath caught in his throat. He swallowed thickly, heat pooling low in his stomach. The photo was like a spark, sudden and electric, setting his skin alight with a mix of longing and disbelief. His fingers trembled slightly as he gripped the phone, eyes fixed on the teasing curve of Moony’s neck and the bare skin just barely covered by that slipping shirt.
Moony; Repulsed?
Padfoot; Repulsed? No
The most horny I think I’ve ever been in my life?
Yes
Moony; More than the threesome?
Padfoot; Christ Moons
Way more
Moony; Alright then,
Padfoot; Alright then?
Moony; Good.
Padfoot; GOOD?
Sirius hurried back into his room, abandoning his clean pyjamas on his desk and sinking down onto the bed, still in only the towel. He was hard as fuck, and there was no way in hell he was going to get to sleep without dealing with it.
The only question was, how involved did Moony want to be?
Moony; I’m struggling to understand what you want me to say next
Padfoot; Where did confident sexy Moony go?
Moony; He died when you sent him a picture of your hipbones
You killed him
Padfoot; Rip
Liked it then?
Moony; Do we like the Mona Lisa?
Or do we simply recognise that it’s art?
And beyond human opinion?
Padfoot; Jesus Moons
No need to get lyrical
Moony; Absolute need to get lyrical
Padfoot; I noticed your own photo didn’t drop below the waist
Moony; Full disclosure
It probably would be a bit nsfw
Padfoot; Oh no
The horror
That would be terrible,
Unless….
Moony; Are you asking for a dick pic
Padfoot; NO
Well
I mean…..
Moony; Stop doing the ……..thing, you know I hate it.
Padfoot; Deflection!
Moony; Peer pressure!
I was warned in school about men like you on the internet
Padfoot; Oi
I’ll even go first
Moony; Christ.
Pads we absolute cannot go back if we do this
You know that right?
Sirius bit his lip.
Padfoot; Don’t want to go back
Jesus Moons, I’ve wanted you for years
Helps that you’re hot as fuck
Moony; *Picture*
Padfoot; Did you just send a dickpick to my heartfelt confession?
Moony; Felt undignified but I’d already pressed send when your message came through
Did you like it though
Padfoot; Hold on lemme look
Wanted to scold you first
FUCKING HELL MOONS
Moony had pointed the camera away from him. Sirius’s eyes felt locked on the bulge on his navy cotton shorts, Moony’s hand touching- gripping himself, just slightly. Once Sirius had pulled his eyes away, he saw long legs, the dusting of fine hair spread across them.
Sirius’ mouth watered, and he tipped his head back against the pillow, soaking it with his wet hair. He’d care about it later, but now his focus was elsewhere.
All the blood in his body seemed to be pooling south, and he undid the towel around his waist before his favourite appendage was lost. Sirius’s cock sprang free immediately, slapping his stomach with its enthusiasm.
Moony; Alright?
I’ve never done this before
I don’t know what I’m doing
Padfoot; Absolute liar
Going to fucking frame that you little pornstar
Moony; Oi
Padfoot; I swear to god moony you are the hottest fucking thing I’ve ever saw.
I’m so hard it hurts
Fucking hell
Moony; Proof or it’s not real
Padfoot; Bastard
His cock felt heavy and hot in his palm, shiny and red at the tip. Sirius ran his thumb over the slickness and sent a picture across before he lost the nerve.
Moony; Okay full disclosure,
I’ve been cock in hand since the first picture
Sirius groaned at the thought, his brain building off the images. Imagining Moony’s long fingers disappearing underneath the navy boxers and wrapping around the length of himself.
Padfoot; Jesus
Typing was a bit treacherous, one-handed.
Padfoot; You’re driving me mental here Moons,
Moony; I’ve no clue what I’m doing.
Padfoot; You’re doing pretty well.
Moony; I just don’t want to push it too far, or say too much? Y’know
Padfoot; I’m pretty sure this isn’t anything you could say
That I haven’t wanted to hear for years
Moony; Fucksake Padfoot
I want to do so much more than talk to you
Padfoot; Splinters on your tongue?
Moony; Splinters everywhere
I want you so fuckin’ bad.
Padfoot; You have no idea what it does to me, hearing you want me back.
Even like this.
Moony; I can’t stop thinking about all the ways I could have you if I wasn’t a coward.
Padfoot; You can have anything Moons, anyway you want it.
Moony; I want your hands in my hair.
I want your mouth on my throat.
I want to know what sounds you make when you’re mine.
Sirius stared at the messages, chest rising and falling like he’d run somewhere without meaning to.
It was the kind of honesty he’d dreamed about, begged the universe for during late nights, lonely hours, when Moony’s name was the only one that made his phone feel alive.
His fingers hovered over the keyboard, then:
Padfoot; You know I’m yours already Moons
Sirius flipped over, and tilted the camera at the curve of his spine.
Arm stretched behind him, towel slung low on his hips. The image was soft and shadowed, the curve of his back, the sweep of his shoulder blades, and the quiet trail of black ink running down his spine. The moon in all its phases, full to new, new to full again. A secret he'd carried for years, in plain sight.
He stared at the screen for a long second before sending it. His thumb hovered. Then:
Padfoot; See Moons? Yours
The typing bubble popped up immediately. Disappeared. Came back.
Moony; You can’t say things like that.
Another pause.
Moony; Padfoot
Did you really?
is that for me?
Sirius grinned, flopped back onto his back.
Padfoot; Course it’s for you
Who else would it bloody be for?
Moony; This does shocking things for my ego
Padfoot; Still cock in hand?
Moony; Is that not mutual?
Padfoot; It can be?
Moony; Do it.
Padfoot; Bossy
But Sirius obeyed, and slinked his hand down to wrap around himself. A low groan slipped out, shaky and hungry. He flicked his eyes to the screen, heart pounding.
Moony; I know for a fact you like it
Padfoot; I do.
More than I should
Moony; Good
Because I’m far from done
You’re touching yourself aren’t you?
Go faster for me.
Padfoot; You’re insane.
Moony; And you love it.
Don’t stop until I say so.
I want you to say my name when you come
Padfoot; Jesus Moony
Moony; Aye just like that
Tell me how it feels?
Padfoot; Amazing
I keep thinking of your hands
Instead of mine
Moony; Good. Now slow down.
Padfoot; Aw come on Moons
Moony; Hey, you asked for this
Don’t whine when I make you beg
Padfoot; Christ.
Sirius’s thumb swiped over the sensitive head slowly, as Moony had requested. His breath hitched in his throat, and he struggled not to drop his phone on his face.
Moony, I just wanna draw it out a bit
I’ve thought of this for years
Is it bad that you’re exactly how I imagined you to be?
Padfoot; Good or bad?
Moony; The best
You’re very predictable
Sirius felt momentarily indignant, and the feeling transformed into wickedness. He set his phone to the side and arched his face out of view before hitting record.
His camera caught the arch of his back, the movement of his fist over himself. Sirius brought his hand up, now free, to tangle in his own hair. He imagined Moony- watching, and a moan slipped from his lip.
Moony; Oi come back
Where you go
You’re not predictable, you’re very spontaneous
Padfoot *video*
You’re damn right I am bitch.
There was a moment where Sirius’ phone went silent, and his head dropped back against the pillow. His hand was slick with precum, and each touch felt oversensitive and fiery. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could last.
However long Moony asked of him, he supposed.
Moony; Good lord
Have mercy
On my soul
Padfoot: Predictable, yeah?
Moony; Dear God, no
The most spontaneous man in the world
Shocked me to my core
I could hear you, y’know
Sirius winced.
Padfoot; Fuck meant to mute it
I know you want to be as anonymous as possible
Moony, don't apologise
Christ the noises you make
You’re so beautiful
Someday I’m going to be there to hear them in person
I fucking promise
Padfoot; I don’t think I’m going to last long.
Moony; Good then don't
Sirius’ head hit the pillow, and he moaned Moony into the crook of his elbow as he came. His toes seemed to curl on the mattress, his phone sitting abandoned on his stomach as Sirius thought of Moony’s hands on him, instead of his own.
Sirius returned to his body and gently groped across the bedspread for the abandoned towel to clean himself. He wished Moony was actually there, so Sirius could pull him into his arms and fall asleep together.
Instead, Sirius was alone, and he stood up to find the pyjamas he’d lifted earlier.His phone buzzed again as he pulled back the duvet and slid underneath.
Moony; Christ
I can’t believe I’m typing this,
But
Padfoot, did you come?
Padfoot; you’re not getting shy now
Mister, don’t whine when I make you beg
Moony; Post-nut clarity
Did you?
Padfoot; yes
How the fuck could I not
I’m assuming from post-nut clarity you did as well?
Moony; I came on my phone :(
Worth it though
Padfoot; I don’t disagree
I wish you were here though,
Moony; I am here
Padfoot; Properly
Moony; Yeah
Me too
I should let you sleep though
I know you’re up in a couple of hours
Sirius sighed. Typical Moony
Padfoot; I do
Goodnight then Moons
Moony; Night Pads
*
Sirius dragged a hand over his face and stared at the dock cashier with increasing horror. “What do you mean?” He said slowly, “There are no ferries to Scotland.” He didn’t look at James, in case, in his anger, he reached out and throttled him.
“Well, there are ferries to Scotland.” She said, flicking her eyes nervously between them, “Only it’s booked up, you’d have had to book tickets.”
“Right.” Sirius said, through gritted teeth, he gestured at James, “And he’s not booked tickets, has he?”
“No.” She shook her head, “The next one’s tomorrow, if you wanted that?”
Tomorrow. It was six am. Sirius had gotten roughly two hours of pained sleep before he’d had to drive James’s shitty BMW to Liverpool, while the other man had a four-hour nap in the passenger side.
James waved his hand and shouldered past Sirius and his fury, “It doesn’t have to be Scotland.” He said quickly, “What else leaves today? Preferably soon. I don’t mind paying extra for last minute, or whatever.” James waved his hand, already pulling out his thick leather wallet.
Sirius eyed it with jealousy for a moment before he cut his eyes away. Of course, James didn’t mind paying extra. He’d never been cut off. Disinherited. His savings used up by his little brother’s treatment.
James could pay to have Regulus in there for the rest of his life, not only that, but a suite in his name.
He probably would too - if Sirius would tell any of it.
As far as James was concerned, Sirius was as rich as him. Sirius’ job was for to do something. As Sirius had let him believe, when the reality was far from true.
Sirius was pulled from his bitter musings by the clerk's nails tapping on the keyboard, “There’s one to the North of Ireland.” She said, “Docks in Belfast. It leaves at eight-forty-five.”
“Excellent!” James clapped his hand on Sirius’s shoulder, “Belfast, c’mon lad, it’ll be a blast.”
It wasn’t a blast. James insisted on being the one to drive onto the ship and struggled to understand the basic instructions the attendant gave him. By the time they’d finally parked on deck and exited the vehicle, they were being hurried along as the boat set sail.
Sirius settled into a booth, and James disappeared towards the little deli, and returned twenty minutes later, with a paper bag, two coffees, and a map.
“Peace offering.” James said, offering the coffee and a sausage bap, “For cocking up the tickets.”
“Accepted.” Sirius hunched over the coffee and let the steam billow onto his face. His eyes felt crusted open, and he wished to be in his nice warm bed, as opposed to fully dressed and upright. “What’s the map for?” He said, around a mouthful of sausage.
“Figured we’d make a plan.” James laid the map out in front of him, showing the bear shape of Ireland, and all of its little dotted cities. “We could hit a fair bit of Ireland, from North to South.”
“The whole country?” Sirius struggled to imagine endless hours of James’ driving, “Do you think that might be a little ambitious for three days?” It was Saturday, and Sirius had only booked Monday off from work.
“I’ve been reading about it,” James protested, “I bought a little guidebook in the shop, you can drive the whole lot of it in like, eight hours. If you do the Malin to Mizen route.”
Sirius sighed, “Mate, I’m too tired for the gobbledegook that’s come out of your mouth.”
James laughed, spraying a mouthful of crumbs everywhere that he didn’t clean up, “I’m serious-don’t make that joke.” He pointed at the map, where a little bit of sausage rested next to a pointed out jut that said, Malin. “We start here, and we follow this road all the way to the bottom.” His finger stopped, Mizen.
“Okay.” Sirius nodded, “Why, though?”
“Because we can?” James said, shrugging, “Me and you on a road trip. Isn’t this what we always talked about?”
Sirius felt a momentary pang of guilt. They had talked about it. Long nights on the open road, laughing, grinning. Brothers in all but blood.
That was before Sirius had a job. Before everything happened with Regulus. Before he’d experienced James’s driving for the first time.
Sirius’s life wasn’t as effortless as it had been. He was still somebody’s son then.
“Yeah, alright.” Sirius nodded, forcing an eagerness into his voice, “It’ll be good yeah, as long as I’m back in the office for Tuesday, what do you want to do first? Belfast itself?”
James shrugged, “If you want, but I’ve had a look at Malin, and it’s a bit more nature-y.”
Sirius’s eyebrows raised, “And you want more nature-y?”
“Yeah.” James lifted the coffee to his mouth, “Want to get away from like, everything. Everyone. Bar you, of course.”
“Okay, mate.” Sirius looked at him and wondered if James was as fragile as he looked in that moment, “So Malin, then, what’s there?”
“Nothing,” James said, pleased. “Absolutely nothing. There’s a beach, but it’s an island, so there’s usually a beach wherever you are.”
Sirius nodded, and James idled time by drawing out their exact route, debating going between Dublin or Galway, before eventually getting bored and producing his laptop to torment Sirius with Top Gear reruns. He’d fallen asleep within the first episode, and Sirius had been assaulted with Jeremy Clarkson and James May ever since.
He didn’t mind Richard Hammond, though. He was a bit fit.
A bit into the second episode, Sirius' phone pinged.
“Moony?” James asked, not lifting his head from where he’d pillowed it on his jacket.
“Hmm? Oh, yeah.”
“Tell him I say hello,” James murmured, turning back to the laptop and shutting his eyes anyway.
Moony: Morning.
How’s Scotland
Padfoot: Surprisingly unscottish.
James fucked up the tickets.
Moony: typical James.
So are you still home then?
Wherever that is
Padfoot: He says hello by the way.
And I’m from England.
I’m sure you probably figured that out.
So it’s not news or anything.
Moony; Aye I’d guessed
So you’re still there then?
Padfoot; Nah, Ireland.
Padfoot; Moony?
Moony: Sorry I was doing something.
What made you decide on Ireland then?
Padfoot; Was the next boat honestly
Moony; Fair
What part?
Padfoot; Belfast
But James wants to head immediately to Malin
Moony; Malin?
Why Malin?
Padfoot; Have you heard of it?
James wants to do north to south
Moony; Feels like a leading question
Yes I’ve heard of it
No I’m not from Malin
Padfoot; You're from Ireland, though?
Padfoot; Oh come on Moony I deserve that much
Moony; You deserve
Way more
Yeah
Okay
Ireland.
Padfoot; Oh wow.
Sirius was going to set foot on the same land as Moony. And for the first time, he was excited for their road trip, sure he would be able to pick Moony out of the crowd. Sense him, somehow.
Moony; Oh wow indeed
I’m sorry Padfoot
I don’t think I’m ready to meet up,
Sirius felt something sink in him.
Padfoot; Yeah dw I’d figured
Moony; I’m sorry padfoot
I mean it when I say you deserve better
Is it too late for you and Fabian?
Padfoot; Jesus fucking christ Moony
Really?
Moony; I’m sorry
I just don’t want to be the one holding you back from like
An actual real relationship with a real person
Padfoot; Are you not a real person?
Moony; I am
But you deserve someone who’s not afraid
Padfoot; I’m not talking about this on the damned ferry.
Moony; Ok sorry.
How is the ferry?
Padfoot; Shit
You’re already trying to dump me
And James has put on bloody top gear
Moony: I like top gear
Padfoot: you don’t even like cars!
Moony: no- but i like it when they throw them into the water
Padfoot: you’re such a bloke
Moony: funny that
Also
I’m not trying to dump you
I mean, I can’t dump you
We’re not a thing
Padfoot; Right
Thanks for making that super fucking clear
Moony; Padfoot
Come on
No
Padfoot; Nah it’s fine
I’m free to fuck other people
We’re not a thing.
I’m where you are and you don’t want to see me
Moony; No
Padfoot; Message is clearly received
Moony; Will you stop for a second
I want you
I’m pleased you want me
But I am a coward
You deserve more
If you get that chance at more from someone else
Take it
Please
Padfoot; You don’t really want me too
Moony; No I don’t
Obviously Padfoot
I don’t want anyone else to have you
But I can’t give you what you want
Padfoot; Maybe I’m happy with the way things are
Moony; You’re not though.
I’m not
But it’s all I can have
Padfoot; Why
I know your dads a dick
But why can't you just lie about who I am, come see me anyway
We don’t even have to do anything
I just want to see you
Moony; I can’t Pads
Sirius wanted to feel angry, but instead he felt a crushing disappointment, and an overwhelming rush of sympathy for the twenty-six year old man in the exact same position he was when Sirius had first met him. Sirius didn’t want to fight.
Padfoot: you’re just afraid to see my face
I’m very good-looking
I understand the intimidation
Moony: yep you’re right!
Padfoot: you’ll let me see you some day though, right?
Moony: yep you can come to my funeral
Padfoot: Moons!
Moony: have a wee gander in the coffin,
Padfoot: I am desperate to see you stiff :)
Moony: URGH
Red card ref
Absolutely fuckin foul
*
It’s past five when they finally dock, so they hit the end of work traffic coming out of Belfast, and then from there it’s a further two hours drive to Malin.
Night had set in by the time they finally pulled into the town square, and Sirius woke with a start, climbing out of the cramped car and stretching his legs, already reaching for his pack of fags.
It’s not long past eight, but Sirius felt shrivelled, and if he didn’t find a bed soon, he would just lie down in the back seat of the beemer and give up. He hadn’t spoken with Moony since he’d gotten off the boat, and Moony hadn’t bothered him either.
Sirius wondered if Moony was avoiding him again.
“Come on.” James said, “Google Maps says there’s a hotel down here.”
There was a hotel down there, but even the receptionist seemed surprised to see them. James booked them two rooms on his credit card, while Sirius busied him with being scarce, and fetched their bags from the boot.
The rooms were next to each other, and Sirius dipped in to use the bathroom, and threw his stuff on the bed, before joining James on a stroll to the shop in search of dinner.
“So we’ll stay here tonight, yeah?” James said, walking with a bounce Sirius didn’t know how he had the energy for. “The lady at the desk said there’s a nice walk we can do, right up to the most northerly point.”
“Sounds good mate.” Sirius jammed his hands in his pockets. It was still early in the Spring, and Ireland didn’t seem to be warm. Especially in the evening. There was a stiff rattling breeze streaking around, and it seemed to cut Sirius in half.
“There’s a pier too, if you wanted to do some fishing early in the morning.” James said excitedly, “I used to do it a lot as a kid. Oh, a beach, as well, I want to go to every beach we pass when we’re here.”
Sirius nodded, “Mhmm. Yeah, can do.”
“You’re not even listening to me.” James rolled his eyes, bumping his shoulder into Sirius’s, “What’s wrong with you, eh?”
“Nothing.” Sirius said, too quickly for a man that knew him as well as James did.
“Don’t be a dick, Sirius.” James nudged him, “Is it Moony? Is he fighting with you again?”
“No.” Sirius said, “I don’t know, maybe.”
“He gets upset pretty easily, mate.” James said, frowning, “I’ve said this before, but I don’t think he’s good for you.”
“Yeah, well, I’m in love with him,” Sirius said flippantly. James rolled his eyes, it wasn’t news to him.
“I know, but are you happy about it?” James asked, as if it wasn’t a soul-crushing question.
Yes. Sirius was happy about it. He wanted to love Moony; he always had. Moony was lovely and funny, and knew parts of him no one else ever could.
He just wanted more than Moony was willing to give. But that’s always been the way. Sirius had always asked too much of people.
Just look at what he’d done to Regulus.
“What’s Fabian say about it then?” James said, eyeing him, “Or is that over now?”
“Over,” Sirius muttered, avoiding his gaze. “It’s different now, though.”
“Is it?” James questioned, “What’s changed?”
They passed a small chippy, and James jerked his thumb in its direction. It was small and greasy, and all of its surfaces reflected Sirius’ pale face back at him. Sirius ordered them fish and chips, and they ate them outside, sitting on the pavement.
“He’s,” Sirius waved his hand slightly, struggling for words, “He said he’s interested in me as well.”
“Okay.” James said, popping the tab on his can of Coke and took a swig, “So are you two going to meet up?”
“No,” Sirius said, heart sinking.
James frowned around his mouthful of fish. Sirius had forgotten to ask for forks, so he was eating it with his bare fingers and no complaints. “Did he tell you his real name?”
“No,” Sirius said, his food turning to cardboard in his mouth.
James winced, “Did he send you a picture?”
Sirius nodded enthusiastically, “Yeah, yeah, he did do that.”
James offered him a supportive smile, “Well then, I suppose that’s something.” He tilted his head, “Can I see it?”
Sirius flushed, “Uh,” He said, ducking his head, “Maybe not.”
James rolled his eyes, “Oh come on, Sirius, why not-” Realisation dawned on him, “It’s a dick pick, isn’t it? Fucksake mate, that doesn’t count.”
“It’s not like that.” Sirius said scowling, “I mean, yes, I have received a picture of Moony’s penis-”
“Gross. Carry on.”
“But I saw other bits of him first!” Sirius said in defence.
James grimaced, “Urgh. That’s much worse.”
“Oh fuck off.” Sirius laughed, and James grinned right back at him. Bright and shiny and, for once in the past two months, recognisable.
Ireland looked excellent on James.
“I just want you to be happy, man,” James said, leaning his head on Sirius' shoulder, still munching on his chips. “You’ve been so stressed recently. With your job. Mum and Dad. I’m off the rails. And of course, what happened to Regulus.”
Sirius made a noncommittal noise and burrowed his nose in the spiky strands of James's hair. It was thick and coarse, tickling at his cheeks.
“How is he, by the way?”
“Eh, he has his good days.” Sirius said, tearing himself away and picking at the edge of his chip bag, “Doctors said it’s almost out of his system.”
“Jesus.” James said, “He’s been in almost five months. How’s it still in his system?”
“They had to keep him on them for a bit, so he didn’t have seizures. Benzos are mental man, I don’t know what to tell you.” Sirius shrugged and lay back on the pavement. It was relatively deserted, so there was no one to trip over him. After a moment, James joined him.
“Do you know if he’d have been on meth, it would’ve been easier?” Sirius said softly to the stars, “Not easier, but like, would’ve been safer for him to detox. But apparently, he’d been nicking mum's pills for years, even when we were kids. The doctors are a bit worried about what it’s done to his kidneys.”
“Christ.” The stars said back in James' voice.
Sirius didn’t say anything to that. Just let the word settle into the space between them, heavy as wet ash.
James crumpled the empty chip bag between his hands. Crunch. It sounded too loud in the stillness.
After a long moment, Sirius spoke again.
“When he calls, he just breathes down the line sometimes,” he said, voice barely above a whisper. “Not like he’s thinking. Just like he’s not there. Like someone turned the lights off and forgot to flip them back on.” He dared speak it; even if it felt unfair to Regulus to confess.
James watched with heavy eyes.
Sirius let out a slow breath. “And then there are days he’s angry. Scary and angry. Like everything in him is raw and wrong and itching to burn. The doctors say it’s normal. That it’s his brain finding its way back.” He paused. “I don’t know what that means. I don’t know if he can come back.”
A car passed in the distance. Sirius tilted his head toward the sky, eyes following something invisible.
“He told me last week he doesn’t feel human. Said he looks in the mirror and doesn’t know if he’s looking at himself or someone wearing his skin. It was the most he’s spoken in weeks, and I wish he’d never said any of it.”
James winced. “Jesus.”
Sirius laughed, sharp and mirthless. “Yeah. Jesus.”
He closed his eyes for a moment, like he could shut the whole world out. “I asked him if he wanted me to bring him books. He used to love books. Couldn’t get him to shut up about Greek myths for a year straight. Remember that?”
James smiled faintly. “Yeah. Called himself Orpheus for six months when he was twelve.”
Sirius’s smile flickered, but didn’t hold. “I brought him a copy of Metamorphoses. Told him he used to love it. He just looked at it like it was in another language. Said he doesn’t remember reading it. Doesn’t remember liking anything.”
His voice cracked, barely.
“I don’t know who he is now.”
James finally turned his head, resting his cheek against the pavement. “He’s still your brother.”
“That’s what I keep telling him,” Sirius whispered. “But I don’t think he believes me. It’s hard to remember sometimes.”
Sirius loved his little brother. No. That felt too shallow to describe it. He loved James. James was his best friend. But Regulus had grown out of his bones. James had been his equal, and Regulus his shadow.
Sirius would’ve killed for Regulus. But Sirius had been disowned at sixteen, and Regulus hadn’t come with him.
Sirius had abandoned him to the weight of the Black family, their heir to the business. And Regulus had cracked under the pressure.
Eventually he pushed himself to his feet, and left his self-pity on the pavement. “Right then, Jamie.” Sirius said, yawning, “I’m absolutely wrecked. Will we go back to the hotel and crash for the next twelve hours?”
“Absolutely.” James answered, gripping Sirius’ hand and pulling himself to his feet, “Lead the way.”
Sirius dumped their rubbish in the nearest bin, and James shared a fag with him as they pottered meaninglessly towards the hotel. Sirius wanted to ask about Alice finally, but James seemed more interested in questioning him, than answering his questions.
Sirius bid James goodnight at the door and almost fell into the room.
The room had last been updated sometime in the nineties. It had faded cream wallpaper, patterned with tiny luminous pink flowers. The headboard was padded, and thick curtains surrounded the bed.
Sirius didn’t care. He felt dead on his feet.
His nap in the car felt like he hadn’t slept, but instead fallen into a liminal space. His head felt both clear and shallow at the same time, his limbs too heavy for his body.
He stripped his boots and jeans off, diving under the covers in just his t-shirt and boxers.
Sirius's phone buzzed the second he put it on the nightstand. He was tempted to ignore it and wake in the morning. But he’d never been great at the silent treatment with Moony.
Moony; Hi
Padfoot; Hello
Moony; Are you okay?
Padfoot; Yeah fine
Moony; That doesn’t feel genuine
Padfoot; Yeah!!!!! Fine!!!!!! :) :) :) <3 xxx
Moony; Sarcasm okay
Xxx
Sirius groaned into his pillow.
Padfoot; God don’t be fucking cute right now
I couldn’t bear it if you were cute right now
Moony; Okay
But you are upset with me then?
Padfoot; Urgh Moons
Do we keep having to rehash this
Moony; If you’ll make u not angry at me
I’ll have this conversation every day
Padfoot; I am not angry with you
I’m sad with you
Moony; Oh that’s way worse
Please don’t be sad
Padfoot; Cheers didn’t think of that
Cured
Moony; xxx
Padfoot; Stop it
Moony; Sorry
I am sorry Pads
For all it
I think I ruined us
Padfoot; It’s alright
I’m too tired for this right now
Moony; It’s like ten pm
Padfoot; And some of us were up before the fucking sun this morning
And were kept up all night by someone
Moony; Oh
My bad yeah
Moony; I don’t want you going to sleep mad at me
Sad at me
Whichever
Padfoot; If I say I’m not sad at you, will you let me sleep
Moony; You can sleep Pads, it’s okay
I’m sorry
Padfoot; Moony what does it matter whether I’m upset with you or not
Moony; What do you mean?
Of course it matters
Padfoot; No but like
None of it’s real is it?
You’re just a little pixelated moon
You don’t feel real to me.
Sirius waited. But he seemed to have shocked Moony into not replying. Sirius abandoned his phone beside him on the mattress and closed his eyes.
It rang.
Sirius sat bolt upright, looking at it in shock.
There on the screen; Incoming call from ‘Moony <3’
Sirius grabbed it with shaky hands, and it took him the third swipe to actually answer the phone.
“Hel-”
“I’m real Pads.” Moony said quietly, as if he was whispering. “I am, I promise.”
“Oh,” Sirius said, and he couldn’t say much more.
Moony’s voice was low, not deep but sort of throaty. He had an accent that Sirius couldn’t really place. It didn’t sound like any Irish accent he’d heard so far, but they all seemed to vary drastically from place to place.
“I’m sorry for calling.” Moony said again, speaking to Sirius with his voice, and not just text on a screen, “I know you’re tired.”
“I’m wide awake now.” Sirius laughed slightly, in disbelief, “I can’t believe I’m actually speaking to you.”
“Aye, well.” Moony had a nervous shake to his voice, jittering the syllables around in his words, “I’m sorry it’s taken me so long. I just, I didn’t realise you were thinking that way.”
“I know you are a real person, Moons.” Sirius sighed, settling back against the pillow, “It’s just, I don’t know, sometimes it feels like I’m pretending. Like you’re one of those boyfriend apps.”
Moony’s voice hitched at the word boyfriend, and Sirius regretted immediately letting it come out of his mouth.
“Not that you’re-” He hastened to say, but Moony cut him off.
“No.” He said softly, miserably, “I know I’m not.”
As much as Sirius knew Moony, almost as much as he knew himself, Sirius had never truly understood him. Moony was as much of an enigma to Sirius as he had been all those years ago at age sixteen. Usually, that excited Sirius. Now, it exhausted him.
“What boyfriend apps?” Moony said, after a moment.
“Hm?” Sirius said, distracted, “Oh, you know the ones that were about when we were kids, with the anime guys-”
“No?” Moony said, a hint of a grin in his voice.
Sirius laughed, “I didn’t use them.” He said defensively, “But all my mates did in school.”
“Aye.” Moony sniggered, and it was a lovely sound. “Sure you didn’t.” His voice was thick with sarcasm, and the twinge of his accent made ‘you’ come out like ‘ye’.
“I really didn’t.” Sirius pulled the covers around him, and lay on his side, the phone settled between the pillow and his ear. “I was pretty popular as a teenager without the need for fictional men.”
“I remember the tail end of the teenage years,” Moony murmured down the line, “We knew each other then.”
“We did.” Sirius said, biting his lip.
As teenagers, things had been different between them, Moony had seemed to want all of Sirius’s attention, and Sirius had been the flighty one, pulled away by real boys and homework. At some point, things had flipped between them. Sirius didn’t like it, but he supposed it was only fair.
“I remember living vicariously through you.” Moony mused, “The fancy boarding school, all those fancy uniforms.”
“They itched.” Sirius whinged, “They were so stiff, and formal. Getting changed for P.E was a nightmare.”
“Better than mine.” Moony said. “We had these awful yellow polo shirts. I washed them in a dark wash once, and I could never get the colour out. I always looked so grubby.”
“What?” Sirius laughed, “Why didn’t you get new ones?”
“Eh, couldn’t afford them.” Sirius could hear the dismissiveness in Moony’s voice, recognised it in his own these days. “Da wasn’t working, and dole doesn’t go far. I’d my job, but sure, I was putting food on the table. And lecky’s dear as well.”
“Yeah.” Sirius said softly in agreement, “Kinda learning that myself at the minute.”
“Christ, that’s depressin’ talk.” Moony said sheepishly, “Sorry.”
“No it’s alright.” Sirius yawned, “I’m listening, I promise.”
“You’re tired, I’ll let you sleep,” Moony said softly.
“No, keep talking. I like this.” Sirius said, although his eyes were slipping closed, “What’s your job like?”
“Sporadic.” Moony said, “I do a bit of everything really. Spend most of my days outside as well.”
“Fuck, what are you? A shepherd?”
“Honestly, close enough. Sometimes, yeah.” Moony laughed, “I got it not long after I moved here. Fella’s daughter was off at some fancy school, and his other wasn’t interested. Honestly, I think a part of him took pity on me, but a job’s a job.”
Moony kept talking, and Sirius let the rhythm of it lull him to sleep.
*Call ended at 11.24pm.*
Moony: Stayed on the line a bit after you fell asleep
You snore
It’s cute as fuck
Goodnight Pads
Xxx