Chapter Text
The moment Tholindis leapt into the moon gate, she was struck by an all-encompasing pain. She could feel every fiber of her body being torn apart in a split second that lasted for an eternity. The pain only stopped when she no longer had nerves to feel with. Despite this, Tholindis found herself opening her eyes to an endless void above her.
“I did it,” she breathed.
It took her a moment, but the lack of a cave roof and open void made her realize that she had made it into the moon’s reflection. For a split second, Tholindis was elated. This was what all her research had been for, a way to save both herself and Rerir from the hand fate had dealt them. All she had to do now was get to the right moment in the past, and stop their ‘Savior’ from ever meeting the King.
Exept… she had never figured out how to reach a specific time in the past, or how to return to her own time once she was done. As a matter of fact, her current work was still on how to enter the moon gate without losing her body.
Without dying.
All of a sudden, cold dread filled Tholindis. She hadn't been prepared to go through the moon gate, not at all. Why had she leapt in? She had been scared of the chaos happening outside the Universitas, at the monsters at the door. But Rerir had killed the monsters, so what had she been frightened of?
‘He knows what you are,’ a voice that wasn’t her own had whispered into the back of her mind, ‘he’s coming for you.’
She had been scared of Rerir. She shouldn’t have been, especially after learning that he had spared Frithr. Logically, he was no threat to her, even after learning she was a descendant of the Crimson Moon. The fear that had gripped her in that final moment had almost been an outside force.
Tholindis had always done her best to distance herself from the Abyss and its negative effects, but with its monsters roaming through the Universitas, could she have fallen under its tricks?
“What have I done…”
Tholindis sat up and looked down at herself. Her skin and clothing were pale and washed-out, almost transparent. She could see her reflection clearly in the ground, and saw that her hair and eyes looked the same as the rest of her body. There were small particles of light fading away from her being, and she couldn’t feel the ground she was sitting on, or the sensation of her clothes and hair brushing her skin. Tholindis abruptly realized that she hadn't been breathing, and when she inhaled, her chest didn’t move.
Tholindis looked around in a panic, seeing a large broken slab of stone next to her. She leaned over and pressed against it, trying to feel something. Her hand didn’t go through it, but she couldn't feel the texture of the stone. It was as if there was simply a flat barrier stopping her from pushing her hand farther. There was some sand piled up next to the rocks, and when she pushed her hand across it, Tholindis was relieved that the sand moved.
“At least I can still affect things here.”
Tholindis stood up and fully took in her surroundings. There were no walls or ceiling, and there was no sky either (not that she knew what the sky looked like). Distant fog blocked Tholindis from seeing the horizon, but she assumed this space went on for eternity. She could see some other pieces of stone rubble scattered around, as well as a few twiggy plants growing out of some rock clusters, but they were the only sign of life.
Tholindis climbed on top of the ruined pillar to get a better view. There were a few markings on some of the stones, but they were so broken and worn that it was impossible to tell where or when they may have come from, and there were no other people in sight. The only movement was a trail of golden light that meandered through the void.
“Hello?” Tholindis called out, her voice fading away in the void. There was no response, but she hadn’t expected one. This place was different from the one she and her colleagues had explored to recover the Crimson Moon Marrow. That place had at least some structures, broken and ruined as they were. At least there was no obvious Abyssal influence here.
Tholindis took a mental note of where each landmark was, then climbed back down. She broke off a small branch from one of the shrubs and used it to draw a rudimentary map of the area in the sand. It would take her a long time to discover a way out, if there even was one, and Tholindis wanted to be able to notice any change in her environment.
Tholindis knew from her research that in the moon’s reflection, time and space were inversely connected. Going ‘backwards’ could take her to the future, while going ‘forwards’ could take her to the past. There was a chance she could still complete her original goal. Even if she couldn’t get out, she could still stop Rerir from being forced down his path, and save countless descendants of the Crimson Moon Dynasty. She wouldn’t be hasty, though. She had no idea where ‘forwards’ and ‘backwards’ was, though she expected the river of light was tied to that. Better for her to take her time to make sure she knew as much as she could.
As she sketched, Tholindis looked at the ground again. It rippled like water when she touched it, but no liquid stuck to her fingers. There were glittering lights reflected in it, despite the lack of stars or any other lights. Still, the glittering floor reminded her of something from her childhood.
~
Tholindis’ father had been a miner, specifically one in charge of mapping out and planning new tunnels to ensure the network was stable. When Tholindis was a young girl, he had taken her to a cave filled with faintly glowing crystals.
“They’re called Hati Crystals,” he explained as Tholindis splashed in the shallow layer of water lining the cave floor. “They reflect and absorb the light from the moon. Now, look up, and wait a moment.”
Tholindis did as she was told, and stared up at the ceiling of the cave far above. There was a large crack, with more Hati Crystals lining it all the way up. As Tholindis watched, the crystals in the crack slowly began to glow more and more, until the ceiling looked like it was covered in stars.
“That crack twists and turns all the way up to the surface, miles and miles away. For people like us, this is the closest we’ll get to seeing the moon’s light.”
Tholindis was dazzled by the lights, but she still turned to her father.
“People like us?”
Her father nodded and sat down on an outcropping of rock, gesturing to Tholindis to sit next to him.
“Your mother and I told you, our ancestry is vast. We don’t have the pure blood of the Khaenri'ahn royalty, so we can’t ever go to the surface. But, we also carry the blood of the Crimson Moon Dynasty. We have no association with the remnants of today, but that bloodline could still be a threat to you if anyone found out.”
Tholindis nodded.
“I remember! Don’t play with the kids with Xs in their eyes, and if I ever feel really really hot inside, tell you or Mom right away!”
Tholindis’ father chuckled and ruffled his daughter’s hair.
“That’s my girl. Remember, just blend in. Fate doesn't care about common people like us, so we’ll be all right.”
That cave had been Tholindis’ special place for most of her childhood, and even into her adult life. Hati Crystals weren't in high demand, so the cave wasn’t used by the miners, but it was still attached to the rest of the mapped tunnels, so it was clear of monsters. As a child, Tholindis couldn't go without her father as an escort through the tunnels, but as she got older she was able to go on her own.
When Tholindis moved out of her parent’s home, she specifically chose an apartment near the mine entrance. It only took her about an hour to reach the cave, and she would go there whenever she needed to decompress or forget about whatever was happening in the city. The ‘day’ and ‘night’ in Khaenri'ah didn’t line up with the world above, so Tholindis used the moon’s light to make a variation of a sundial.
As a personal project, Tholindis would arrange the loose crystals scattered around to better reflect the moon’s light. At first she would simply place them wherever she thought they looked best, but soon she was calculating the angles of the light’s reflection and the refraction of the crystals themselves. Tholindis would seek out specific cuts of refined Hati Crystals, or bring some of the ones she gathered to be cut to fit her needs. She would bring stands to place the crystals in just the right place to reflect the light at the precise angles she needed. The entire project didn’t serve any real purpose, but when Tholindis could stand in a cave completely lit up with moonlight and pretend she was on the surface, it was worth it.
For the longest time, that cave was Tholindis’s secret that only her parents knew about. She had contemplated bringing her close friends or some of the people she dated, but she didn’t think any of them would truly appreciate it. They were either pure-blooded Khaenri'ahns who could see the moon with a few days' travel, or people who she knew didn’t care about the surface world. It was hard to explain the joy that the cave brought her.
It wasn’t until Tholindis met Rerir that she thought she had found someone who would understand her project. A few months into their friendship, she led him down the tunnels, lantern in hand. The only sound was their quiet breathing and the splashing as they stepped through the shallow water. The cavern was very dimly lit when they got there, and Tholindis found her way to a record player she kept here. She had figured out how to time the moment the cave lit up with music, and she stared at the moondial as she started the music at just the right time.
“This might seem odd,” Tholindis said as she turned to Rerir, “but I’m going to turn the lantern off. Just trust me, ok? When the song reaches its peak, you’ll see why I brought you here.”
Tholindis could tell that Rerir was skeptical, but he nodded. Tholindis turned the lantern off, and the cave was plunged into darkness. The only light came from some of the crystals at the very top of the cave, though they were slowly beginning to glow brighter as the music picked up.
Right as the music hit its peak, the cave was suddenly filled with light. Tholindis couldn’t help but throw up her arms in triumph as the music swelled, and she let out a laugh.
“See!”
Tholindis looked at Rerir, partially afraid to see his reaction, though it turned out she didn’t need to be. Rerir was staring in absolute wonder, glancing around at the crystals, but always returning his gaze back to her.
“You made all of this?” he whispered, as if talking out loud would break the illusion.
“I placed the crystals,” Tholndis said as she finally lowered her arms. “Some of the ones in the wall were already there, and the ones in the ceiling, but I did the rest.”
“It’s amazing.”
Tholindis looked up at the crack in the ceiling, and wasn’t fully able to keep a note of bitterness out of her voice.
“I’m certain it’s nothing compared to the actual moon.”
“I wouldn’t know, but I think I prefer this version.”
Tholindis looked at Rerir in confusion.
“But you’re pure-blodded. You could go to the surface and see the moon whenever you’d like.”
“And all I would see is land I have no attachment to, lit by a moon we all know is fake. But this,” Rerir made a sweeping motion with his hand, “this is different. You made this with your own hands. Each crystal had to have been meticulously placed, for the sole purpose of bringing light to a place filled with darkness. It’s beautiful.”
There was something else Rerir wanted to say, Tholindis could tell, but he held back. The music faded, and went to the next song on the disk. It was a waltz, and Tholindis approached Rerir.
“Dance with me?”
They took each other’s hands, and when Tholindis took the lead in the dance, Rerir was happy to follow. Many months later Rerir would follow her lead again as she confessed her love, and they would share their first kiss (and their first time) together in this cave. But for now, in a cavern that had never seen the light of the sun, they danced in the light of the moon.
~
There was no indication of the passage of time, and Tholindis never got tired, hungry, or thirsty. She had initially been worried that the fragmented parts of her body would grow, and that she would eventually fade away, but that didn’t seem to be happening. It was literally as if time was frozen in this space.
It was taking Tholindis a while to make a map of her immediate area, and she soon realized why. Whenever she left her central pile to reach another, it took longer than returning back. She had arbitrarily chosen ‘north’ to be the direction the river of light was coming from, but this effect happened regardless of which direction she traveled. Tholindis walked back and forth to the same pile multiple times to test her theory. She had to rely on her own steps and her own internal clock to make measurements, but she was leaning towards the idea that this was a ‘space’ effect rather than a ‘time’ one.
To confirm it, Tholindis gathered several small rocks and broke off more branches. She laid them down between her central rock and the distant one, creating makeshift measurement lines. Then she walked back and forth again, the heel of each foot hitting the toe behind it, and took note of how far each step carried her. She wrote down her results in the sand, and her suspicions were confirmed.
In the immediate area around her rock pile, Tholindis could walk as normal. However, once she started to stray away, each step was shorter than the last. In fact, she was almost certain that each step covered half the distance than the one before it. Tholindis tried taking smaller strides that got larger to try and compensate, to no avail. She tried running, jumping, going backwards and sideways, but the results were the same. The farther she got away, the less distance each step covered. Eventually, the distance each step could take her would be so miniscule, it would be like she wasn’t moving. But on her return trips, each step was its full stride.
“Alright, let's say a normal step is about three meters if I stretch. Half of that is one-and-a-half meters, and half of that is three-quarters of a meter…”
Thoindis sketched out the number sequence in the sand, working to find a formula that would let her calculate how far she could realistically travel with this restriction.
“So the distance I can travel is just under six meters. Since I can go in any direction, that’s the radius of a circle. Plug that into the area equation aaannnddd… just about a hundred and thirteen square meters.”
That was a total explorable area about the same size as the house she shared with Rerir. For a place she could possibly be trapped in for infinity, it was incredibly small.
Tholindis turned to the golden light. It was the only thing that changed here, and it was her best chance of escape. Tholindis observed the energy for a while, taking note of its movements and pattern. There was something familiar about it, so Tholindis did her best to record it. Her results weren't the most accurate, since she had no tools to measure with, but she was pretty certain this was the strange energy pattern she had detected when she was still researching the moon gate. Her research had shown that this rouge energy traveled ‘forwards’, into the past.
That at least gave Tholindis a direction of past and future, and there was a chance that the energy would allow her to travel further than her theoretical limit. She had carefully avoided the river of energy while mapping out her area, but now Tholindis stood at the edge of it. This was her only option to escape the space she was trapped in.
The moment Tholindis stepped into the current, she felt herself speed up. The energy was making her walk faster and Tholindis felt a thrill of hope as she started to run. She didn’t focus on the area around her, but when she turned around to see how far she had traveled, her heat sank.
The pillar she had first woken up at was the same distance it had been when she had simply walked away from it. The golden energy carried her faster, but not father. A few steps, and she was back where she started.
So she was still trapped here. Tholindis groaned in frustration and sat down next to the ruins. That river of energy had been her last hope, and Tholindis could feel herself falling into despair. She had realized some time ago that the power keeping her here was tied to the moons, and maybe if she had kept the fragment of the Moon Marrow she had stolen, it would have given her enough power to break free. But that was useless to her now. She was stuck, with no answers.
A problem without a solution…
~
Back when Tholindis had been a student, on the first day of class, her professor had written several equations on the board. He told the class that if any of them solved one of the equations by the end of the first semester, they would automatically pass his class. Some of the students split off into groups, while others worked solo. Tholindis had worked with a small group for a month or so on one of the equations, before she decided it wasn’t worth diverting her time from her actual classes and giving up.
A few months later, shortly before the end of the first semester, Tholindis came across one of the equations in a book on theoretical mathematics. It was in a section on equations that hypothetically had an answer, but had yet to be solved. With a little more searching, Tholindis was able to verify that all of the equations proposed to the students had no answers.
Tholindis copied down all of the equations, and all of the proofs and work on them that had been published. She did a few of her own calculations, but the end of the first semester was fast approaching. The day before it ended, Tholindis brought all her research to her professor’s office.
“Professor, the questions you asked us to solve don’t have any answers.”
Hroptatyr had looked over her notes with a grin.
“You know, I’ve been doing this scenario for a few years now, and you’re the first one to figure it out before the end of the semester. Everyone is so focused on a free pass that they don’t want to entertain the idea that it’s not possible.”
Tholindis had narrowed her eyes.
“What’s the point of the assignment then? What lesson can be learned from trying and falling to solve an impossible equation?”
“Not impossible, just not solved yet. It helps me get an idea of my students’ characters; are they good at balancing their classwork with trying to solve the equations, or do they focus on the ’easy’ pass? I never specify whether a solution will grant a passing grade to more than one person, so do people work together or by themselves?
“The first time I played this game, I had a group work together and come up with what they thought was a solution, only for one student to try and take all the credit for himself. He was so focused on his other pursuits that he found my class a waste of time, and wanted to be done with me as fast as possible. And, if one of my students is the one to solve an unsolved equation, that would certainly reflect well on me.”
Hroptatyr leaned back in his chair slightly, idly rolling a glass ball in his hands.
“As for the students, of course it builds your mathematical skills and helps you identify your weak points. You also learn where your true priorities lie, and you learn who you can trust. However, you specifically learned another lesson; thinking outside the box, and questioning authority.”
Hroptatyr tossed the glass ball to Tholindis, who caught it automatically. The moment it touched her fingers, a small wisp of red energy danced in the middle.
Hroptatyr’s grin widened.
“Tell me, Tholindis, what do you know about the descendants of the Crimson Moon Dynasty?”
The next day, as expected, none of the students had been able to solve the equations. Hroptatyr revealed his little ‘game’, and allowed anyone who had attempted the equations to present what they’d worked on for extra credit. He swore them all to secrecy, so the next batch of students wouldn’t be spoiled.
Only a few years later, when Hroptatyr became president of the Universitas Magistorum, he personally recommended Tholindis to join the research team dedicated to finding out about the power of the Crimson Moon.
“I can think of no one better,” he’d said with a glint in his eye.
~
Tholindis had kept those equations in the back of her mind, especially as her research began to focus more and more on reversing fate. Perhaps an impossible question could only be solved by an unknown answer? None of the equations had helped in her research back then, but perhaps they could be useful now.
Tholindis cleared a section of sand, and wrote out one of the equations. She had no calculator, no way to verify her findings aside from her own knowledge, but it was better than nothing. She tackled the equation with integrals and derivatives, summations and calculations. She didn’t get hungry or tired, and her legs never ached from her crouched position. She talked to herself as she worked, knowing that even if anyone could hear her, they wouldn’t be able to make sense of her half-muttered ramblings.
Every time she hit a dead end, Tholindis would make a note of the failed attempts, erase all her work, and start again. Several times she thought she had a solution, only for another pass to prove her wrong. When she got frustrated, she walked around her small space like a caged animal, glaring through the bars at everything she couldn’t reach. Eventually, she would always return to the equation.
When one check didn’t immediately invalidate a solution, Tholindis was in shock. There was no way she had actually solved it, right? She poked and prodded her solution from different angels, but nothing broke it.
Tholindis stared at the solution. She had done it, she had solved an ‘unsolvable’ equation. Now all she had to do was… What? What could she plug in that would magically get her out of here? How did this help her?
Solving the equation didn't change the fact that she was still stuck here, in an area the size of her house, with no way to get back to Rerir. The equation didn’t change the fact that the only thing that might help her was locked away in a pocket dimension only she knew how to get to, but was completely inaccessible to her here. The equation didn’t change the fact that she had been tricked for who knows how long by the Abyss into fearing the one person she had loved with all her heart.
In a fit of frustration, Tholindis scattered the sand she had been working on. She stared at the incomprehensible lines left behind. Was that her legacy? The scrawlings of a madwoman, desperately trying to find an answer to a problem she had no hope of solving. She had held on to her love as tightly as she could, but it still wasn’t enough.
Tholindis sat for a while, staring off into the distance. As she did, a new fear gripped her. Even if she had been tricked into jumping into the portal early, Tholindis at least knew somewhat what she was getting into. But when she lept, who knows how long the portal had stayed open?
“Oh Rerir,” Tholindis whispered into the void, “please tell me you didn’t try to follow me. It’s bad enough that I’m trapped in here, but I hope with all my heart you didn’t throw away your life because of me.”
The idea that Rerir could have died because of Tholindis was heartbreaking. Even with her gone, surely he still had a life to live? The idea of him finding someone else burned Tholindis with jealousy, but if he was happy… The selfish part of her hoped Rerir still thought of her, even though she knew that would only bring him pain. Tholindis knew it hurt her, but she refused to let herself forget him.
So far, Tholindis’ memory had stayed intact, but she didn’t know how long that would last. Would she eventually forget her family and friends? Would she forget Rerir’s face, or his voice? The idea was terrifying.
Tholinds wouldn’t let herself forget. So, she would replay everything in her mind, even if it hurt.
~
Tholindis had first met Rerir at an open debate hosted by the Universitas. Members would take sides on polarizing topics, and the entire thing would be open to the public. She had been hesitant to enter, since her research topics were a bit more controversial. But when Hroptatyr had told her someone was entering with the view of cancelling all research relating to the Crimson Moon Dynasty, Tholindis decided to take that risk.
Her opponent was a man named Henrik, a few years her senior. The two of them were introduced, shook hands, and took their stands. Tholindis lost the coin toss and Henrik chose to speak first, which was fine by her. She preferred to gauge her opponent’s exact angle before choosing her counter-attack.
The two of them traded blows for several rounds. Henrik was well spoken, but many of his points were full of more opinions than facts. Like many members of the Eclipse Dynasty, he clearly agreed with the King’s views on how dangerous the previous Dynasty had been.
Despite that, the King still wants to know their secrets, Tholindis thought to herself.
During one of Henrik’s rebuttals Tholindis quickly scanned the crowd, trying to gauge the audience’s reactions. There was no real ‘winning’ or ‘losing’ a debate like this, since it was all in good fun. However, since this topic was secretly personal to Tholindis, she was curious about what the general populus would feel.
It was easy to tell that the vast majority of the audience was on Henrik’s side. Tholindis had heard a few people muttering under their breath when she was speaking, no doubt disparaging her arguments. As she looked, most people were either watching Henrik as he spoke, or seemed to be disinterested. However, there was one man who was staring at Tholindis with rapt attention. When her gaze met his, Tholindis caught a faint blush on his cheeks as he quickly looked away.
Cute.
Tholindis focused back on Henrik before anyone could notice her brief moment of distraction. Throughout the rest of the debate, Tholindis stole a few glances over and saw the man hanging on to her every word. He was actually paying attention to what she was saying, and she could see him nodding along to some of her points, or scowling when Henrik made a particularly pointed jab.
After the debate, there was a reception for the debate members and the audience to mingle. There were standing tables in the middle of the hall with benches lining the sides. Servants carried platters of drinks and horderves, so Tholindis grabbed a glass of champagne and surveyed the room. There was a familiar tall man sitting alone on one of the benches, and as Tholindis approached her eyes once again met that same gaze.
“Is this seat taken?”
“Oh no, not at all.” The man awkwardly scooted over a bit more, even though he was barely taking up any space.
“Did you enjoy the debate?” Tholindis asked as she sat down.
“I did, your arguments about the research applications from the Crimson Moon Dynasty were fascinating. It’s not a viewpoint many would be brave enough to take, but I do agree with your arguments.”
Tholindis felt a warm feeling start in her chest, and knew she couldn’t blame it on the weak champagne. It’s not often someone would call her brave, especially with anything relating to the Crimson Moon Dynasty. Naive, or idealistic perhaps, but not not brave.
“It’s rare that someone outside of my colleagues would share our viewpoint. You know my name from the debate, but what’s yours?”
“It’s Rerir. Rerir… Myrkvison.”
Rerir had hesitated a bit before giving his last name, and Tholindis didn’t have to wonder why. Myrkvison, a son of the Eclipse. That, or Myrkvidóttir, was the generic last name given to the pure-blodded orphans raised by the Dynasty. It showed that they had no families, that their loyalty was only to the King. Depending on which rumors you believed, they were either highly discouraged or outright forbidden from getting into relationships without the King’s direct permission.
A name drop like that usually killed a conversation, but Tholindis just smiled.
“Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you properly, Rerir.”
They became fast friends, and Tholindis could feel herself falling dangerously fast. She had had several flings when she was still a student, boys and girls who stayed with her for a night or a few months, to almost a year in one case. But that last one had ended the worst, when her (soon to be ex) boyfriend proposed and took ‘give me some time’ as a rejection. Tholindis had sworn off committed relationships after that, but Rerir was threatening to break that mentality.
Something about him had simply captivated Tholindis. Perhaps it was the way he was over a head taller than her, yet he never seemed to tower over her. Or maybe it was the fact that when she rambled on about her latest research breakthrough, Rerir would not only listen to her with stars in his eyes, but would chime in and prove that he actually cared about what she was saying.
Or, in addition to all of that, it was that Rerir had secrets. Everyone had secrets, Tholindis knew that, but she had always felt guilty in her other relationships about how the secret of her heritage loomed over her. With Rerir, it at least felt like they were on equal footing with what they were keeping from each other. Tholindis would never ask him, just like he would never ask her, and that felt fair somehow.
One day, Tholindis gathered her resolve. In the cavern full of Hati Crystals, as she sat next to Rerir and watched the moon’s distant reflection, she turned to him.
“Rerir, I’ve heard that the sons and daughters of the Eclipse are forbidden from dating. Is that true?”
Rerir hummed in thought.
“It’s not forbidden, but it’s not exactly encouraged. We’re taught from a young age that we were abandoned by the people who were meant to take care of us, and that we only have the life we live because the Dynasty stepped in to fill that role. We’re supposed to put the Dynasty above everything else, above friends, lovers, even our own lives if necessary. So we are allowed to find partners, but honestly, who would actually want to be with anyone like us?”
Tholindis could leave it there, a simple question with an answer. She could make a sympathetic noise and change the subject. She could keep this friendship as it was, and not risk her happiness.
But Tholindis was a risk-taker, and perhaps a bit selfish. She wanted more; she wanted to lay next to Rerir at night and hear his heart beat, wanted to share the same space as him, wanted to know how her name tasted on his tongue.
So, she leaned against Rerir, and said in a unwavering voice;
“I would.”
She could feel Rerir freeze against her side, and slowly turn his head towards her.
“What?”
Tholindis met his gaze, staring into those blue eyes lit only by the reflected moonlight from far away.
“I would be with someone like you.”
Now it was Rerir’s turn. He could turn her down gently, say he didn’t have room in his heart for her, or that he was too busy with work for a relationship. But Tholindis had caught more than a few glances of eyes filled with longing, like she was someone Rerir desperately wanted but was out of reach. She had felt the heat when their hands brushed and stayed for a moment too long. Tholindis knew Rerir would never make the first move, so she hoped he would follow her lead.
“Are you sure?” Rerir's voice was barely a whisper, like he was scared of her answer. “I’m not the kind of person you deserve to fall in love with.”
Tholindis wrapped her arms around the back of Rerir’s neck as, despite his words, he tilted his head down towards hers.
“I think I know the kind of person I deserve,” she whispered back.
Tholindis tilted her head to reach Rerir’s, and their lips touched. It started chaste, but Tholindis was greedy, and she ran her tongue across Rerir’s lips. He obediently parted them, and Tholindis felt a thrill down her spine as their tongues brushed against each other.
“Tholindis…” Rerir breathed into her mouth, and Tholindis drank it eagerly.
“Rerir,” she whispered back, “my Rerir.”
The kisses turned to heavy breaths, with Tholindis leaning against the cave wall as Rerir’s trousers were soaked from where he knelt on the floor. That led them both back to Tholindis’ apartment, clothes in the wash and sharing a shower that was barely big enough for one.
Dozens, hundreds of ‘I love you’s, shared in words and notes and small gifts and acts. Despite all their lies, their love was the one thing Tholindis knew to be true. So that’s what she would commit to memory, centuries later.
~
Tholindis didn’t know how much time had passed. She had solved every equation, counted every grain of sand, memorized every crumbled ruin. What else was there for her to do? She still talked to herself; things she wished she had told Rerir, her observations, anything to fill the dreadful silence. Despite that, Tholindis spent more and more time staring into the distance, her mind blank.
Tholindis was so tuned out that she didn’t notice another person approaching her. The woman introduced herself as Columbina, a woman with the power of the Mood Goddesses, and apparently someone Rerir had tried to kill. Everything she told Tholindis was so much to take in, all the pain caused on her behalf, all because she hadn’t been able to resist the pull of the Abyss. How long had it been lurking in the corners of her mind, pushing her away from Rerir so it could take advantage of his weakness? Tholindis had thought she was the one person trying to find a solution that didn’t involve the Abyss, but the Crimson Moon had been corrupted for centuries before she was even born.
And knowing the names of the other ‘Sinners’, how much of her relationship with Rerir had been a ploy? Had everything about her life been a trap to hurt the man she loved, with her as the bait?
As the other woman walked away, Tholindis thought about everything Columbina had told her. She turned to the ‘future’, where Rerir was trapped. She climbed up the ruins, knowing she wouldn’t be able to see him but trying anyway.
“Sit with me,” she said as she leaned to the side. “Sit with me like we used to, and look to the past.”
Maybe if she looked to the future as Rerir looked to the past, their gazes would catch once again. Would they even recognize each other? From what Columbina had said, the Abyss had changed Rerir and stolen his heart, literally. And Tholindis was a shadow of who she used to be. Despite all that, she wanted to believe that even with a separation of five hundred years they would still know each other.
Tholindis sat there for a while, talking to Rerir. Knowing that he could hear her, even if they could never again touch or even see each other, brought her a bit of comfort. She could feel something tugging ever so slightly at her chest, like a rope anchored inside of her was being pulled in the distance. She had no idea if it had been there all along, or if it had only started after Rerir entered this space, but she was thankful for the smallest connection to him.
Tholindis had never been a selfless person. She had clung to Rerir the moment she realized he reciprocated her feelings, and he had done the same. Like two people in the middle of a lake, clinging to each other and pulling each other down, their lies drowning them. Even her research into the Crimson Moon had been for her own gain, first as a connection to her past then an avenue for her future. Perhaps she had never deserved a happy ending, and fate had pushed the two of them together so they could drag each other down.
A minute or a month later, Tholindis jumped down from her ruin. She had no idea how long Rerir had been able to hear her, but she narrated all her discoveries she had found in the five centuries she had been here. Maybe Rerir would see something she had missed, something that could get him out of here. Part of Tholindis wanted him to take the first opportunity to escape, but the selfish half of her wanted him as close as possible.
Tholindis never had been a good person. Neither of them were, so maybe that’s why they fit so well together.