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Therese was never one for birthdays.
Part of that was because she never had celebrations growing up, but she wasn't quite fond of the idea either. Too many people- too many eyes focused on her as she opened the gift her mother had mailed to the orphanage, remembering how the occasion grew less and less as she got older. The worn out dolls soon turned to tattered clothing, then to books thats covers were worn and fading. But she never complained, each birthday eagerly waiting for a gift that meant she was still in her mother's thoughts. That she was still loved and remembered. She loathed when April came around, knowing that she had made another year without a card. Without any sign that her family still cared.
Then Carol entered her world.
The older woman made everything seem brighter, less tainted with the dark memories of her mother and the school. But Therese still couldn't find it in her to enjoy and celebrate her birthday, even when Carol had asked her what she would like to do in the past.
"We don't have to do anything, I'm content staying home." She told Carol last year when she had brought the subject up. Therese didn't mind the quiet "happy birthday" and gentle kisses that woke her from her dream nor the breakfast Carol had made. But it was still too much for her and Therese was starting to grow self conscious, wanting to be alone with the bitter thoughts that plagued her head. Her mother's thoughtless gifts, the bland piece of cake the orphanage would give her.
The day her and Carol had reunited.
Carol hadn't known it at the time and Therese never voiced it, wouldn't dare to in case Carol didn't realize and Therese didn't want to upset her. Despite the hope she held that night at the Oak Room, after everything Carol had said at the Ritz, Therese couldn't help the heavy melancholy that choked her when April 17th arrived on the calendar. Her birthday she could have lost Carol altogether had she not shown up that Friday night.
Therese blinked hard when she walked down the lobby towards the apartment, exhausted from being on her feet all day, her eyes strained from working on her photos. She already felt irritable (definitely NOT because of what day it was) and the ache in her bones only settled further when she opened the door and seen Carol's coat was still missing off the rack, signaling she wasn't home yet. Therese tossed her bag by the phone in the hall, hanging her jacket and hat up before stepping into the kitchen to get a start on dinner. Carol had told her earlier she could pick them up a meal, but Therese had denied and took it in her hands to put something together for that evening. Carol oddly wasn't too persistent, dropping the topic just as quickly as it was brought up.
The young woman was trying her best to not damper Carol's mood that morning before leaving for work, enjoyed the affection that distracted her from other painful memories. She had left for work with a lighter mind from when she woke up. But now, alone in the apartment, the silence was starting to bother her.
Should I call her? She didn't say she would be home late. Therese contemplated, staring at the phone hanging on the wall. But doesn't that seem like something Harge would do? Questioning where she was at? Therese decided to wait, focusing her attention on cutting up the vegetables to put in with the broth in the cabinet and willing away the nagging feeling in her gut that was screaming. Carol always left a note. Whether it was plans with Abby or a last minute trip to the store, she always would let Therese know.
No note was found in the apartment. The telephone didn't ring yet.
Therese felt her eyes start to burn, blinking to force the impending tears away and decided to make tea while the soup was heating. Carol wouldn't have left. She already told her countless times she would never leave her- wouldn't abandon her again. But would she? Therese went through the day in her head, from last night to this morning of anything she could have possibly said that could have upset her. Did Carol sense she was upset? Was she growing tired of dealing with this- with her every year? It's been 2 years since their reunion, Carol probably hoped Therese would be over it by now.
The brunette felt the guilt weigh in her chest, her heart wavering as shame burnt in her cheeks from the tears she couldn't seem to escape from, no matter how hard she tried to keep them at bay. Frustrated with herself, Therese turned off the stove and stormed back to the bedroom, a hot flash of anger suddenly coursing through her veins. Towards herself, towards Carol- even towards Abby knowing that she more than likely knew about Carol's whereabouts. Possibly was waiting to break the news to her, to hand over another letter Carol left behind. Therese knew she couldn't bare that pain again- to relive the worst months of her life where she was alone. Carol had come back, had started this life with her and the wounds from the past were slowly healing. But now they ripped back open, bleeding out and tainting every part of the home she built with Carol and Therese felt like she may be sick.
Happy fucking birthday.
A sharp sob clawed out her throat as the sun set further, a shadow casting over the room, silent other than the ragged gasps that made her chest heave and shoulders shake violently. Therese couldn't stay angry though, the fire in the pit of her stomach diminishing to a pathetic ache in her throat that she couldn't swallow. Her back pressed hard against the wall as she slowly sunk down to the floor in the corner of the bedroom, vision blurry as she wept into her arms, shielding her face from the room. Therese no longer found it in her to stay quiet as her cries grew labored and sharp, each one releasing a weight in her chest she carried around all day.
When her tears finally dried and her eyes felt puffy and heavy, the sun was long gone and the light from the kitchen illuminated the hallway. Therese shut her eyes with a shaky inhale, trying to find motivation to go lay down on the bed instead of sitting on the cold floor. The sound of the telephone nearly made her jump out of her skin when realization hit her.
Therese had promised Dannie she would meet him at the studio after work.
"Damn it." Therese huffed, harshly brushing away the lingering tear tracks on her cheeks, but it was no use as more fell. The phone kept ringing, but Therese didn't bother answering for nothing could matter more than wishing Carol would step through the door.
What felt like hours had passed and Therese couldn't ignore the pain in her tailbone any longer, slowly standing up and rubbing the grit out of her eyes. She glanced at the nightstand to check the time, swallowing hard when she seen it was past 9 already. Carol should have been home 5 hours ago. The phone hadn't rang again. Therese pressed her palm against her forehead, attempting to soothe the ache as she stepped out of the bedroom towards the kitchen. The brunette found her abandoned cup of tea, taking a sip of it and grimacing at how cold it was before dumping the rest down the drain.
Was it because I said no to dinner?
Therese felt her lip tremble, her brows furrow and feared this pain will never stop. That the constant worries and concerns of Carol leaving again wasn't just in her head, it was bound to happen. Carol was just waiting for the day to do so.
I should have went.
Setting the mug aside, Therese managed to quell the bile that rose in her throat, refusing to get as sick like she did back in Waterloo. She rest her back against the cabinets under the sink and breathed in slowly, unaware of the door knob turning or the person who peeked in from the doorway.
"You really need to learn how to put a lock on your..." Dannie trailed off when Therese snapped her eyes over from the floor to him, confused and conflicted on how to feel with him standing there. The boys eyes widened, opening his mouth to say something but was beat to it.
"Surprise!" Carol and Abby both stepped in after Dannie, clearly unaware of his hesitation and Therese watched Carol's smile drop, guilty for being the cause of it but so relieved when she seen those familiar blue eyes looking over her even if it was in concern.
"Angel?"
The worry in her voice snapped Therese out of her startled trance, watching Carol set a cake down on the countertop and the young woman felt another harsh stab of remorse.
"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" Carol kneeled down in front of her, Therese glancing aside embarrassed when she heard Abby pull Dannie out of the room. She was being irrational again, but why else would Carol be gone for hours? With no note, no call- just disappeared with no explanation.
"Where were you?" Therese meant for it to come out nicer, but she felt the rage from earlier bubbling in her chest and her voice cracked.
"I was out shopping with Abby, we wanted to put something together for you to celebrate." Carol explains gently, confused at the hostile reaction.
"You didn't leave a note, you didn't call- you didn't even tell me this morning before I left for work." Therese hated the hitch in her breath, her nose and eyes stinging from the tears that built.
"Well, I couldn't exactly tell you for it to be a surprise." Carol tries to lighten the mood which only fueled the fire in Therese's heart.
"I thought you left again." She meant to shout it, to pour her anger out on the floor, but it came out as a quiet, broken whisper instead. The realization dawned, Carol's expression softening, blue eyes glazing over as she shook her head.
"No. No, Therese, I would never do that to you again." Therese looked back down at the floor, Carol reaching over to wipe her tears away. "Look at me." The brunette obeyed. "I made a promise to you two years ago that I would never make that same mistake again. I'm not leaving, whether you want me to or not." Therese scoffed, lips tugging up unwillingly and rested her hand atop of Carol's that was still cradling her cheek.
"I'm sorry." For pushing you away this morning. For not accepting dinner. For assuming you weren't coming back home.
"No, don't be. I'm sorry I didn't call." Carol squeezed her other hand, helping her up from off the floor and seen the cut up vegetables by the stove, soup long gone cold. "Why don't we skip dinner tonight?" Carol offers, hands still holding hers. "Get a start on this cake." Therese smiles then and nods, head less cloudy when Abby and Dannie joined them.
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Therese was half dozing beside Carol whose hand was gliding delicately between her shoulder blades. Abby and Dannie had gone home awhile ago, but thankfully didn't rush out the door after the awkward silence from when they first walked in the kitchen. Abby had brought a bottle of wine, Dannie had bought her a gift despite Therese telling him earlier it wasn't needed and Carol had put together the candles on the cake. 22 candles placed neatly around the icing, emitting a cozy glow in the kitchen when Dannie shut off the lights.
"Go ahead and make a wish before the smoke alarm goes off." Abby says earning a lighthearted glare from Carol. Therese didn't need to think hard for a wish, for what she truly wanted.
For everything to stay as perfect as it is now.
Abby had stopped her later when Dannie was occupied with Carol in the kitchen, pulling her down on the couch to sit beside her.
"Are you okay?" Therese asks, confused by the gesture.
"Are you?" Abby retorts.
"I am." The older woman raised an eyebrow, Therese timid under the scrutiny. "Really, I am. Now that you all are here."
"I wasn't thinking when I told Carol not to call." Abby sighs, voice more gentle than Therese was used to. At least more than when she talks to Carol. "I thought it'd be better as a surprise, since you're not one to celebrate."
"It's okay." Therese smiles sincerely, eyes brightening despite how blood shot they were. "I do appreciate it, no ones ever put much thought into my birthday before." She admits with a shrug. "I guess that's why I've grown not to enjoy it as much. There just wasn't anything great about it- no point in celebrating." Abby listened carefully, not pushing but also not ignoring what Therese shared. The two were on good terms since Therese's reunion with Carol at the Oak Room, but the stiff distance was still there.
"Well, there's every point now." Abby breaks the silence. "You may have had people before who didn't find a use in commemorating today, but you do now. You have Carol, Dannie, Phil- everyone who has stuck by your side regardless." Therese blinked, hazel eyes blurring with tears. But it wasn't from pain or stomach wrenching guilt. She looked up when Abby paused, the older woman looking over her closely.
"You have me too." Abby says carefully, not surprised when she seen the small flicker of doubt that always lingered in Therese's eyes. "I know it seemed like I didn't care when I drove you back to New York. That I was only doing that for Carol's sake, and maybe at the time I was. I'm sorry for that." Therese knew Abby saw the tear that escaped down her cheek, but for once she wasn't embarrassed, didn't think the woman was judging her. "I've never seen Carol this happy before she met you and I want for both of you to keep working through things together. No matter how hard they get." The young woman beamed as she listened, feeling the insecurities in her chest ease.
"I fought to protect Carol all these years," Abby smiles then, the tense atmosphere lifting. "And now I will for the both of you."
"Whatever made you despise this day so much?"
Therese was pulled out of her thoughts, nuzzling against Carol's bare chest with a sigh. The sheets were pulled down to their waists, a warm afterglow filling the bedroom, the moon peaking through the curtains outside.
"I didn't have people with me to make it worth celebrating." Therese brushed her lips against Carol's neck, breathing in the scent of her and the perfume that lingered. Carol leaned further into her touch, placing soft kisses on her dimples, forehead, traveling further down to her jaw. Therese thread her fingers through her hair, pulling Carol's attention back to hers.
"But I do now." She smiles watching Carol's eyes crinkle when she grinned.
"And you won't ever go without." The older woman leaned down and met her lips, gentle when she pulled away. "I love you, my dearest angel."
"I love you." Therese replies as if it was the easiest thing loving her and it was. For loving Carol was easier than breathing itself.
"Happy birthday."
"Now that's too far." Therese laughs when Carol poked her in the side, pulling her into her arms with a silent promise she would never let go.