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Shi Qingxuan had heard of many strange trends from the mortal realm.
Some were harmless and some were downright baffling. Most of them were clearly created by mortals with too much free time and surprisingly creative minds. Still, as the Wind Master, it was only proper to keep up with what the common people were doing. How else could he stay close to their hearts?
That was what he told himself, anyway.
Which was how he ended up sitting in a busy tea house in the mortal realm, holding a cup of tea he had long since forgotten to drink, while listening very carefully to the conversation at the next table.
The two young wives seated beside him were dressed well and leaning close over a plate of melon seeds, their voices low but excited.
“It works every time,” one of them whispered.
“Really!?”
The first woman nodded enthusiastically. “Really! I learned it from some other wives just last month. It’s a secret little trend, and they say it works like magic. You prepare dinner, prepare a bath, make yourself look extra pretty, then when your husband gets home you ask, ‘Dinner first, bath first, or me first?’”
The second woman slapped a hand over her mouth, face reddened. “That is shameless.”
“And men love shameless things when their wife is pretty,” the first woman said with complete confidence. “My husband always chooses me first, even when he’s tired. I promise it lifts their mood, and when they finally do it...” She paused dramatically, then lowered her voice even more and smiles. “Well, you can say It feels very good.”
Shi Qingxuan blinked into his tea.
It feels good? he thought innocently. What feels good?
The second woman leaned in at once. “Really? So you only need to be pretty?”
“And sexy!” the first woman corrected.
“Se-sexy!?”
“Yes, sexy! Pretty is not enough. You need the right clothes too.”
She glanced around, then covered her mouth and murmured something into her friend’s ear.
The second woman gasped so loudly that even the server passing by turned to look.
“You cannot just say that in public!” she cried in a hushed voice, darting nervous looks around the tea house.
Shi Qingxuan immediately lowered his eyes to his teacup and pretended to be deeply occupied with it.
“What? It’s true. Go to Old Li’s clothing store and ask for the moon-and-spring set. He’ll understand at once.”
Shi Qingxuan’s eyes widened.
He did not know what a moon-and-spring set was, but it sounded extremely important.
Very calmly, and without changing his expression, he repeated the words in his mind so he would not forget them.
The second woman had already gone pink. “That old fox sells things like that?”
“He sells everything. You only need to know how to ask.”
“And it really works? My husband has been neglecting me for so long...”
The other woman gave her a scandalized look. Then she lowered her voice and said, with absolute certainty, “If your lover doesn’t choose you first, then your man has a problem. At that point, you should just find somebody else.”
The first woman looked deeply troubled. Then, after a long moment of thought, she said, “You’re right. If he doesn’t choose me first, then why should I stay with him? I ought to find another much better man!”
He sat very still and thought about that.
Ming Yi had been neglecting him, his dear best friend, lately too, had he not?
He had been returning late these past few days. He never wanted to go anywhere fun. He barely stayed long enough for proper conversation before disappearing again. Even today, Shi Qingxuan had ended up coming down to the mortal realm alone because Ming Yi had claimed he had “business” to attend to, then simply left the Wind Master behind.
Really. It was very rude.
Perhaps this mortal method truly would help.
But if Ming Yi did not choose him first, was he really supposed to find another best friend, just like the woman said?
The first woman was still speaking. “Trust me. If you do it properly, he’ll be in a good mood all night. He won’t neglect you for days after that. My husband always comes back asking for more.”
Shi Qingxuan sat up a little straighter.
That sounded promising.
At the very least, his Ming-xiong might stop neglecting him. Maybe after that, he would finally ask Shi Qingxuan to play with him and come down to the mortal realm more often, just as the woman had said her husband always came back asking for more.
He set his teacup down with great care, rose from his seat, and left a gold leaf behind, far more than the tea had cost, as he always did despite barely touching the drink.
As he stepped out of the tea house, one cheerful thought spun through his mind.
He was going to try it on Ming-xiong!
Well, Shi Qingxuan did go to Old Li’s clothing store, and it was easy enough to find. He even asked for the moon-and-spring set, despite the way the shopkeeper looked him up and down as if judging his entire soul. But the moment Old Li showed him the set, Shi Qingxuan was struck silent. What trend was this now? Why was the outfit missing so much fabric? Was this truly what mortal wives wore to make their husbands happy? If it worked on husbands, then surely it could work on best friends too, right? And was it only meant for women? If that was the case, then perhaps he should use his female form if he wanted the trend to work properly.
With the moon-and-spring set safely tucked away, The Wind Master hurried back to the Heavenly Court and made straight for Earth Master Palace to prepare the other two important parts of the mortal trend: dinner and a bath.
Dinner came first.
If there was one thing Shi Qingxuan knew very well, it was that Ming Yi loved to eat. His best friend had never been fussy about food. If anything, once Ming Yi started eating, he focused on it so completely that he sometimes forgot about everyone else in the room. That thought did sting a little now, but Shi Qingxuan decided not to dwell on it. Today, it would work in his favor.
As Ming Yi’s best friend, Shi Qingxuan naturally had to prepare a proper meal.
He called over a few junior officials from Wind Master Palace to help carry dishes and arrange the table, though he supervised everything personally with great seriousness. There were soup, vegetables, braised meat, rice, and several smaller side dishes, all arranged neatly beneath the warm light of the lanterns of Earth Master Palace. He even adjusted the placement of two plates himself, just to make sure everything looked perfect!
Then came the bath.
That part was easier, though Shi Qingxuan still approached it with the same seriousness he might have brought to a heavenly ceremony. He made sure the water was hot, the towels were fresh, and a clean robe had been folded neatly nearby. A faint scent had been added to the steam as well. Then he paused and frowned at the bath, should he add bubbles?
Did the Earth Master enjoy bubbles in a bath?
Shi Qingxuan had no idea. Ming Yi was not a man who volunteered opinions on such things. Still, Shi Qingxuan himself liked them very much, and bubbles made everything feel more luxurious. After a moment of thought, he decided to add them just in case.
Then, at last, came the final and most difficult task.
Himself.
Or rather, herself.
Shi Qingxuan changed into his female form, then promptly sent the remaining junior officials away before they could see too much. They left quickly, though not before giving her several suspicious looks that all but promised rumors would soon be spreading through Wind Master Palace. Shi Qingxuan only hoped, with some desperation, that the gossip would not travel any farther than that and somehow reach Water Master Palace.
Once she was alone, The Goddess stood in front of the mirror and stared at the moon-and-spring set in both fascination and disbelief.
There was truly far too little fabric.
Could this even still be called clothing?
She picked it up carefully, as though it might fall apart in his hands, then turned it over once, twice, and still could not make sense of how it was meant to sit on the body. It took her far longer than she would ever admit to actually put it on. Even then, she had to adjust it several times in front of the mirror, frowning deeply the entire while.
This mortal trend was far more complicated than she had expected.
Her hair was loosened and brushed until it fell smoothly down her back. A few pieces were pinned up just enough to keep them from fully covering her face. Her makeup was done with unusual care. Powder, color at the lips, a touch at the eyes. Nothing excessive. Just enough to make her look softer, prettier, and, hopefully, sexy in the way the wives at the tea house had described.
Shi Qingxuan leaned closer to the mirror.
Then she leaned back.
Then she turned to one side.
Then the other.
Yes. Very good.
Ming Yi would definitely be surprised.
Then a new thought struck her, and The Wind Master froze.
What exactly was supposed to happen if Ming Yi chose her first?
The wives in the tea house had not explained that part very well.
Were they supposed to talk?
Or perhaps play?
Was the point only to look pretty in these clothes and sit nearby? Or did it mean they were meant to go to sleep together for a good night rest? No, that could not be right.
Shi Qingxuan stared at her own reflection with growing concern.
And if Ming Yi really did choose her first, then what would happen to the dinner and bath?
Would they not grow cold?
That seemed wasteful.
For a long moment, Shi Qingxuan stood there in silence, trying to reason through the order of events. But no matter how she arranged it in her head, the whole trend still made only partial sense.
Mortals were very strange.
Still, so many wives could not be wrong.
Surely the details would sort themselves out once her best friend came home.
With that thought firmly in mind, Shi Qingxuan took one final look at herself in the mirror, nodded in satisfaction, and went to wait.
He Xuan was exhausted.
There had been too many problems in Black Water’s territory these past few days. One thing after another kept demanding his attention. After that, he had still needed to make a trip to Ghost City to speak with Crimson Rain about certain matters that could not be discussed through spiritual communication alone. By the time he was finally done, all He Xuan wanted was to return to his own domain and disappear into silence for a few days.
Instead, he had to go back to Earth Master Palace.
Shi Qingxuan had already been pestering him enough lately after being turned down several times. If he kept rejecting him too obviously, people might start to notice. That would be troublesome.
So He Xuan returned.
As expected, Earth Master Palace was quiet when he arrived. It usually was. Unlike other heavenly officials, the Earth Master did not keep many junior officials around, so the place often felt half-abandoned unless Shi Qingxuan was there making noise in it.
The moment He Xuan pushed open the doors, he smelled food.
Hot food, too. Freshly made.
And beneath that came something softer. Steam. Scented oil. Flowers, maybe.
He Xuan stopped for half a second and let out a tired breath through his nose.
Shi Qingxuan must be here.
Of course he was.
He stepped inside and headed toward the main hall, already preparing himself for whatever nonsense the Wind Master had decided to inflict on him tonight.
Then he entered the room.
And stopped dead.
For the first time in a very long while, He Xuan was genuinely caught off guard.
Shi Qingxuan was standing there in her female form beneath the lantern light, dressed in black silk that left far too little to the imagination. The fabric was soft and thin, wrapping close around her body in delicate layers that did not seem nearly sufficient for proper clothing. Dark ribbons rested against pale skin, and the loose cut bared the line of her shoulders and part of her chest in a way that made it impossible not to look. Her hair fell down her back in soft waves, her face carefully done, and behind her sat a full table of food. From the open doorway of the inner chamber drifted warm steam, carrying the scent of a prepared bath.
For one strange second, He Xuan forgot how to speak.
Shi Qingxuan brightened the moment she saw him.
“Welcome back, Ming-xiong!” she said, smiling as if this were perfectly normal. Then she tilted her head and asked in a soft, sweet voice, “So... dinner first, bath first, or me first?”
He Xuan stared at her.
Then at the table.
Then at her again.
What the fuck was this?
After the long pause, neither of them spoke. Shi Qingxuan’s heart lifted at once. 'Aha! It was working. Ming-xiong must have been too shocked to speak, perhaps even a little touched and secretly delighted.'
“...Dinner.”
“Of cour—” Shi Qingxuan began brightly, only to stop short. “Wait— Dinner first?”
For a moment, she could only stare at him.
Had the wife not said he was supposed to choose her first? If he did not choose her first, then did that mean she was supposed to find another best friend? But... this was Ming Yi. Ming Yi loved to eat. Perhaps this was a special exception. Yes, that had to be it. Surely food came first only because he was Ming Yi, the Earth Master himself, and therefore a man of very particular priorities.
That made sense.
Probably.
Before Shi Qingxuan could think too hard about it, Ming Yi had already moved past her and seated himself at the table.
So that was that.
Shi Qingxuan stood there for another moment in her carefully chosen outfit, then slowly followed and sat nearby. She waited awkwardly while Ming Yi began to eat with his usual focus, as if nothing about this situation was strange at all.
Shi Qingxuan tried to keep the mood lively. She chatted a little, then a little more, filling the silence all by herself while Ming Yi continued eating. Most of it earned no response beyond the occasional glance or faint sound of acknowledgment. Still, Shi Qingxuan did not let that discourage her.
If nothing else, the Earth Master was eating very well.
Very happily, in fact.
Well, perhaps not happily. Ming Yi always ate like that. Still, it had to be a good sign that he was eating with such appetite. Shi Qingxuan chose to take comfort in it.
At the very least, the dinner part of the trend was a success!
After Ming Yi finished dinner, Shi Qingxuan’s mood lifted again at once.
See? It was going well after all.
Perhaps the wives had simply forgotten to mention that some people needed to eat first before the rest of the trend could continue. Ming Yi had always loved food, so this was probably normal for him. Yes, that had to be it. This was merely a special exception.
With her confidence restored, Shi Qingxuan rose from her seat and smiled brightly.
“Then, now that you’ve had dinner,” she said, clasping her hands behind her back, “bath first, or me first?”
Ming Yi looked up at her.
For a moment, he seemed to blank, as if he had somehow forgotten that Shi Qingxuan was still standing there in black silk and very little else.
Then he said, a little slower this time, “...Bath.”
“I knew it—” she began, then stopped. “Wait. What?” Shi Qingxuan’s smile froze.
Ming Yi blinked once.
Shi Qingxuan stared at him.
And then, all at once, the words from the tea house came back to her.
If your best friend husband doesn’t choose you first, then your man has a problem. At that point, you should just find somebody else.
You’re right. If he doesn’t choose me first, then why should I stay with him? I ought to find another much better man!
The Wind Master’s brows slowly drew together.
Ming Yi really was not choosing her first.
Not the first time. Not the second time either.
So this was not only because he had been hungry. And it certainly was not because of the bath either, since that had been prepared just as nicely. Did that mean the trend had failed? Or worse, had the wives been right?
Had Ming Yi truly been neglecting her that badly lately?
He had been returning late for days now. He kept brushing her off with work and “business.” He had not wanted to come down to the mortal realm with her either. Shi Qingxuan had gone alone today because Ming Yi had left her behind again.
Really, it was very rude!
Shi Qingxuan had only wanted to improve his best friend’s mood and make him pay more attention to her. She had not spent all this effort just to be chosen after dinner and bath like some leftover dish at the edge of the table.
“Oh,” she said.
Ming Yi frowned. “What.”
The Wind Master folded her arms and looked at him with growing offense.
So if Ming Yi did not choose her first, was she really supposed to find someone else, just like the woman had said?
Another best friend, perhaps?
Hmph. It was not as though she was unpopular. Shi Qingxuan was very popular, thank you very much. If Ming Yi truly meant to keep neglecting her, then she could surely find another best friend in no time at all.
“If Ming-xiong does not want me first, then forget it,” Shi Qingxuan said, now fully annoyed. “Next time, I’ll just use this trend on someone else.”
That did it.
Ming Yi’s expression darkened at once.
“...Someone else?”
Then he rose to his feet.
The movement was so abrupt that Shi Qingxuan took a step back on instinct. Not because she was frightened, but because Ming Yi looked genuinely angry, and that alone was enough to catch her off guard. Usually, he only looked dry, distant, or faintly annoyed.
“Ming-xiong?” Shi Qingxuan asked, suddenly cautious.
“You will not use this on someone else,” Ming Yi said darkly.
Shi Qingxuan blinked at him, confusion quickly turning into annoyance. “Why not?”
Ming Yi stepped around the table.
Shi Qingxuan stepped back again.
Because of her ridiculous moon-and-spring set and the long trailing skirts layered around it, she did not get very far. The back of her knees hit the edge of a chair. She caught herself with one hand on the table, staring up at him in confusion.
“Ming-xiong,” she said, “why are you acting like this? You did not choose me first!”
“That does not matter.”
“It clearly does matter. The wives at the tea house said—”
“I do not care what the wives at the tea house said.”
Shi Qingxuan stared at him.
The Earth Master looked almost like a predator now, his eyes dark as they rested on Shi Qingxuan. Only then did she begin to regret listening to those wives at the tea house. And this ridiculous outfit too. Could it even still be called a dress when there was so little of it?
“Ming-xiong?” she tried again.
Before she could say anything more, Ming Yi moved.
He stepped in and backed her against the edge of the table so easily that Shi Qingxuan barely had time to react. Only then did she realize just how close they were. Far too close. Close enough that she could feel the heat of him, close enough that the black silk suddenly felt even more useless than before.
“What are you doing?” she asked, her voice coming out much smaller than she intended.
Ming Yi looked down at her for one long moment. Then his hand tightened at her waist.
“Forget the bath,” he said. “I’ll have you next.”
Shi Qingxuan had never regretted a mortal trend more in her life.
She did not sleep a single blink that night.
In hindsight, perhaps this was not something one was meant to use on a best friend. Perhaps Shi Qingxuan had missed one very important detail while listening to those wives in the tea house.
They had been talking about husbands.
Not best friends.
Still, sometime around dawn, she had to admit the wives in the tea house had been right.
It did, in fact, feel very good…