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They're on their way back from Agate, both their horses loaded full with groceries. They're riding at a decent pace, but not too fast to prevent light conversation.
Their time in Agate had been…eventful…to say the least. But now both are feeling satisfied and a little bit proud of themselves regarding how things turned out.
"Hey, Jess! Let's stop here for the night," Slim calls out, nodding towards a craggy rock formation just off the trail that could offer some natural shelter.
"Sounds fine to me," Jess replies.
They trot the short distance to their chosen spot, dismount, tie up their horses, unload the sacks of food, and lay out their bedrolls. Jess gathers some firewood while Slim waters the horses.
Before they know it, they're set for the night, and the two lie side by side, a pleasant silence falling over them.
"Jess," Slim says, after a while. "You said something back in Agate, that first day."
"Said a lotta things, pard," Jess chuckles. "Gonna hav'ta remind me."
"When I said you could stay. A year ago you'd have–"
"Things have changed," Jess interrupts, snuggling into Slim's side. "I meant it, though. Anybody shoots me, I want to be sure you're around to carry me home."
Slim's breath catches oddly, and he pulls Jess closer, gripping Jess' shoulder tightly.
"Something wrong, Slim?" Jess asks.
"Home. You said 'home'."
Jess smiles, recollecting how ready he had been to run when he first came to Laramie, realizing how comfortable he's become and how happy he is now. He really has found his home, his family, his partner… for life.
Slim turns slightly, facing Jess. The moonlit night and soft glow of the fire create a wistful, peaceful atmosphere around them. He admires the way the flickering flames highlight Jess' sharp features and soften others.
He leans close and kisses Jess softly, cradling his face in his palm. No hurry, just savoring the gentleness of the moment.
"Didn't mean t' make ya' all sappy," Jess teases when they pull apart, poking Slim's chest.
Slim laughs in reply, shaking his head. "Well, I figure as long as no one else finds out that you bring out this side of me, that you've got me tendin’ to ya like one of Andy's strays."
"I am one of Andy's strays," Jess jokes, reveling in the easy rumble of laughter bubbling from Slim. "Don't worry yer pretty head," Jess grins. "I won't tell on ya."
"C'mere," Slim says, drawing Jess close to him again, loving how Jess curls up at his side so naturally; how they fit together.
The two watch the fire and the stars, all quiet except for the crackling of the wood and an occasional cry from a night creature.
Jess finds himself reflecting on some of the times he nearly did leave the Ranch, glad he never truly left. He remembers how happy Andy had been when he came back from Laramie that time with the piano. How Slim had looked at him with such wide, loving eyes, his smile so full of disbelief at the sight of Jess before him again that he could hardly speak.
He shudders when he thinks of how close he came to losing it all because of Roany.
"You cold?" Slim asks, noting the shiver.
"No, just thinking."
"That's dangerous," Slim retorts, expecting a laugh from Jess.
He stays silent, though, staring into the fire as if seeing something, or someone, in the flames.
"Slim?" He says quietly. "You remember that time with Miss Essie? When–" His voice breaks and he looks away. "When Roany Bishop came through, and I lef– and he made me leave with him? Well, I'm sorry."
"Yeah, you told us how controlling he was. Jonesy saw it too. You don't need to apologize about that again."
"That's not…" Jess sighs. "That's not why I'm apologizing. I should have told ya."
"Well, I'll admit it would have been nice to know beforehand. But it all came out fine in the end, didn't it? And I trust you now."
"No, that's–" Jess groans, sitting up abruptly, running his hands through his hair in frustration.
Slim's brow furrows, trying to understand why Jess is so upset. "Being indebted to someone, that's rough. And you said how wild he got, it makes sense you were scared of him. I'd even–"
"That's not what I mean!" Jess yells. "When he'd said I owed him, still, he didn't mean fer saving my life. I'd paid him back for that years ago."
Slim sits up too now, listening, realizing there must be something major he's missing. He waits for Jess to explain, letting him get it out on his own terms.
"That day, after he'd saved me, when he nearly killed that girl," Jess says slowly, determinedly, as if he has to force each word out painfully. "I was the one that found her in his room with him, figured out what'd happened. Somehow, he blamed me for her laughing at him. He told me I owed him, that it was my fault his night was ruined, that I needed to make up for her."
"Jess," Slim says, confused, reaching out for him, but not quite touching him. "What–"
Jess closes his eyes tightly, nostrils flaring in anger. "The poor girl was lying there on the floor. She looked dead. I didn't know any better from where I was standing. I tried to run out but he grabbed me. He pushed me onto the bed and climbed up over me. He–" Jess chokes on his words, gritting his teeth as he tries to keep himself together, becoming increasingly desperate.
Slim's breath shudders as he listens, the realization of what Jess is explaining slowly sinking in. He wants to pull Jess into his arms, tell him that everything's okay, show him that…
"I tried to fight back, but I was too weak, still recovering from what he'd 'saved' me from in the desert…besides, anytime I tried to fight him, he'd get angry and he'd tell me he would be the only one who'd take care of me…who'd keep anyone from finding out how 'good' I was for him…"
But he wants to give Jess his space, let him get it out. Slim feels like he's being shot right through the heart when he sees the tears welling up in Jess' eyes, the reflection of the fire sparkling in them.
"I had to just lay there and take it! And even though he was put in jail the next day, I couldn't leave town yet; I didn't have a horse, I wasn't really better yet…then when he got out…he found me again and…It took me a week to get enough money to run…a-and that week it…it felt endless…h-he'd tell me I ruined his chances in that town…t-that since neither of us could leave yet I-I had to take care of his 'needs'…I used to wonder if it'd have been better if he'd left me for dead in the desert," Jess sobs, shaking as the trauma of that night rushes back over him in waves.
Hearing that, Slim grabs ahold of Jess' arm, having been afraid to touch him before, but now…he feels he needs to hold him, to remind him who really is here for him.
Jess' eyes fly open and he sees the terrified expression on Slim's face before looking down again, ashamed.
"Don't worry," Jess says with a sad smile. "I don't wish that anymore. I just wish…" He shakes his head, looking back up at Slim with a certain grief, despair, that Slim's never seen in him before.
"I-I was just a kid! I-I was sixteen and he took and took and–"
Slim pulls Jess into his arms, holding him tightly as the younger man kneels beside him, clutching Slim's shirt, burying his head in Slim's shoulder as more tears fall.
"I'm sorry, Slim. I'm sorry," He pleads.
"You don't need to apologize. I'm just glad you trust me enough to tell me."
"I do trust you, Slim, I trust you with my life. But I don't want you to–" Jess rushes, rocking back on his haunches, eyes wild and afraid, remembering all the times Roany made him say supposedly reassuring things to please him, to make him happy. All the times he had to say something or else Roany would get angry. Even the last time they saw each other.
Jess is still holding tightly to Slim's shirt, trying frantically to reassure Slim that he means what he says, falling back into the habit he'd formed from his time around Roany. "–to look at me differently because I did that. I didn't feel anything for him! I was only sixteen. I didn't–" He grasps for words desperately. "I need you to understand! I never wanted him! I didn't even want to leave with him this last time! I wanted to stay with you! I love you, Slim! I–"
"Jess," Slim tries to stop his panicked rambles. "Jess!" He finally yells, giving Jess a firm shake.
"What? What'd I do? I'm sorry! I didn't mean–"
"Jess, I'm not upset," Slim assures him, cupping Jess' face in his hands. "And I don't see you any differently, and I don't doubt your love for me, and, especially, I don't blame you for anything. It wasn't your fault or your decision, and it doesn't change anything now between us."
"Okay," Jess sighs, leaning into the touch. "Okay," He repeats, letting out a deep breath.
Slim watches, waiting patiently, as Jess comes back to himself.
"And one more thing," Slim says. "I love you too. Got that, pard?"
"Yeah," Jess sighs, a smile slowly spreading on his face. "Yeah, I got that."
Slim beams when Jess finally looks up at him, although tried, he looks much relieved, like he's finally thrown off a large weight from his shoulders.
"First, I make you sappy, and then I ruin the night," Jess laments as he scoots closer, settling back against Slim's side. "I'm so–"
Slim shoots him a glare. "If you say you're sorry one more time…"
Jess chuckles, stretching up to kiss Slim's cheek. "Thank you for keeping me around, letting me drive my stakes down, for…for giving me home."
"You'll always have a home with me," Slim replies. Then, with a smirk, he adds, "As long as you let me do the stake driving."